______________________________________________________________________ Okay, okay, I know it will sound like I'm making excuses, but this bronchitis has had me feeling like I was about to cough up my lung. It was all I could do to put together a PPV, TV, and tape rundown for this week. ______________________________________________________________________ I do not offer subscriptions to a mailing list! I do not e-mail images! ______________________________________________________________________ - The WWF had the Royal Rumble on this past Sunday, 01/23/2000. You know, at the end of the year, when Bret Hart in his Sun column called Chris Benoit the last of a dying breed (paraphrased), he couldn't have been more correct. Sadly, for fans like me, this is the garbage wrestling era in North America. This PPV felt like an ECW/FMW collaboration, as so much of it was garbagy or smutty. And, actually, referring to those other promotions is increasingly becoming incorrect, as the WWF becomes the king of garbage wrestling. That excludes the Rumble itself, which was formulaic and lacklustre. I'm betting that there are fans that will call this a great show. It was a great spectacle most of the time. The title match was sick and barbaric, which isn't too say that it was a bad thing. But there was no meat to go with that pile of blood: the show focused on disjointed spots and characters over wrestling. If you want to praise that as great wrestling, it is your decision. In my opinion, the title match was a must-see affair because it shows how sick things are getting in North America, and a few spots on the show were also worth seeing for stunt man fans, but there wasn't a good match this night. Oh sure, there are people who will give the title match a "match of the year" reception, but, like the tag team ladder match from 1999, to do that you have to praise a match has one dimension. That one dimension might be enthralling to freakish bloodletting fans, but there have been matches rich with depth, even in North America, in the past year that deserve the praise instead, IMO. Some people will argue that the wrestlers in the main event worked hard and gave of themselves to an insane level just to please the people who spent money on the show. All true, but the problem for me is that all of that ignores that no actual wrestling ability, nothing that requires training, development, and athleticism took place in that match. There's nothing funnier than reading Foley's book when he called Shoji Nakamaki sumpremely untalented. I watch what Foley has done since his time with the IWA and can only laugh at that comment. More on Foley's book in a future update, when I've finished reading it. Oh well, I guess the bottom line is that I'm just stubbornly unwilling to embrace the garbage wrestling (or as Sanjay would say, "spectacle wrestling") that has become the bread and butter of North American wrestling. I ended with a thumbs in the middle sort of feeling about the show. They did a lot right for their target audience, from catchphrases to garbage to nudity to dancing fat guys, but that stuff doesn't get over with me. From a pure wrestling perspective, it was as much a thumbs down show as everything else in recent memory. Run down: * Tazz beat Kurt Angle: Tazz's WWF debut went well, I'd say, as the crowd chanted for him and chanted "ECW." It certainly set the tone for the show, as the match was a disjointed collection of suplexes. Hey, at least it had some wrestling. I wonder how the WWF will deal with all of Tazz's weaknesses. Tazz was suplexed on the floor. He hit a belly to belly (sort of) off the top, but a foot on the ropes stopped things. This was at around the 2:00 mark. In short order, Tazz suplexed Angle a few times and hit the katahajime for the win. But wait, this was controversial, see, because Angle claimed he was choked out, and, since the choke is an illegal move, Angle is still undefeated! Match ran 3:16, hardly long enough to expose Tazz. Drs. Garea & Slaughter came out. Angle did a stretcher job. * Hardy Boyz beat Dudley Boyz in a tables match: Both opponents needed to be put through a table by an offensive move. Spots, spots, spots. See Spot Run. Run Spot, Run. They teased table breaks at the start. A ladder was brought into the ring for a second for no real reason: with Buh Buh laid out on a table at ringside, Matt decided that setting up the ladder, climbing it, and jumping off of it would be smarter than just scurrying to the top turnbuckle. To my mind, they were equal height leaps, yet one took three times as long to set up as the other. Luckily, Buh Buh just laid there forever. Sigh. Both Hardyz put Buh Buh through a table. Hey, they still could have both leapt from the turnbuckles to help Buh Buh from having to lay there so long. The Hardyz decided to take a break from the match, in order to rearrange the metal ring steps and carefully set up a table across the apron and the steps. I guess Buh Buh was selling the table break, but D-Von just sort of had to hide. With the stunt set up, this "wrestling match cum stunt man show" could continue, for a minute anyhow. Well, both Hardyz went through tables missing their moves. Buh Buh came back in the ring. Matt was then pwoerbombed through the table that they had set up on the ring steps earlier. Next, the Dudleyz took forever to set up double tables, with a crew hand even helping out. It took forever, but by this point it was clear what this stunt man show was about. Matt was gracious enough to lie on the double tables while Buh Buh and Jeff brawled their way up to the balcony. Buh Buh ended up taking the Nestea plunge through the tables, with Matt moving (at least one could explain his laying there as "playing possum"). Jeff then came off the top with a senton bomb on D-Von through a table for the win at 10:16. It was entertaining, but it was hardly a wrestling match. You really had to try to ignore the delays in setting up stunt man spots. * Mae Young the Royal Rumble bikini contest: Ivory, Terri, Jackie, BB, Luna, and Cat came out wearing tiny swimsuits. Lots of butt thongs and boob shots. They had judges at ringside. Mae Young came out to crash the party. She showed her aged puppies. A censored sign came up on the screen, but she still managed to get her nudity on screen. Mark Henry came in to cover her. It was sad, but I guess it was a practical joke on the fans. Mae won with a unanimous decision. Who knows why? * Chris Jericho beat Chyna & Bob Holly to win the IC Title: At the 1:40 mark, Jericho already put the Walls of Jericho on Holly, but Chyna saved. The crowd booed loudly. When Chyna & Jericho traded blows, it looked so, so bad. Chyna just can't work. She really hurt this match. Jericho got the pin on Chyna with a lionsault at 7:29. * New Age Outlaws beat Acolytes to retain the WWF Tag Titles: No joke, when the ring entrances were about to start, I quickly ran down the hall to reclaim my laundry. When I came back, they were already] hyping the main event. Huh? On tape replay, then, with intros this ran 4:58. Lord. Another bad match for the Outlaws. Heat on Dogg. Gunn's save was cut off. Dogg rallied with punches. All four guys came in. Gunn missed a Stinger splash, got clotheslined. Spinebuster on Dogg for a two, with Gunn pulling the referee out. Bradshaw attacked Gunn, referee bumped outside, and X-Pac ran in. The referee recovered just in time to count Gunn's cheating pin on Bradshaw at 2:36. * HHH beat Cactus Jack to retain the WWF Title in a street fight: HHH came out with Stephanie and then sent her to the back because of the potential danger. They brawled outside. Cactus still manages to make his brawls much more sensible than most guys. He doesn't pause like so many guys do, and he usually doesn't grab a head and walk around the arena. This time around, though, they did walk around to the entryway. Cactus suplexed HHH on some palettes. Lots of garabagy stuff, with mixed quality. Cactus took a belly-to-back suplex on a garbage can. Back in the ring, they pulled out a two-by-four wrapped with barbed wire. HHH hit some wire shots on Cactus' back, with the steel wire catching on Jack's shirt for effect. The referee handed the board off to the Spanish commentators and told them to hide it under their table. When Cactus rallied and wanted his stick back, he learned where it was, punched the commentator and grabbed a new board with rubber tipped barbed wire on it. He whacked HHH in the face with the rubber, and HHH bladed, hitting a gusher. Cactus was backdropped on the commentators' table. HHH did a facecrusher on the barbed wire. At least they used the rubber stuff, but it still degenerated into this "violent spot, pin attempt" formula at times and really had no skillful wrestling. Cactus took a whip into the steps after a hiptoss on the steps. That hiptoss looked dangerous. HHH went after Jack's knee, including using the barbed wire on the knee. HHH handcuffed Jack, putting his hands behind his back. In the only wrestling sequence in the match, Jack did a drop toehold on HHH, avoiding the abuse everybody expected him to take, at least for a moment. He headbutted HHH's crotch and bit him. The handcuff bit was stupid. HHH charied him. Jack went back to the entryway, where Rock surfaced and chaired HHH before just walking off. A policeman uncuffed Jack, using the old universal handcuff key. Jack piledrove HHH on the Spanish commentators' table. At this point, Cactus unveiled more stupidity: he dumped a bag of thumbtacks out in the ring. Stephanie came out to get over how dangerous the situation was. Jack took a backdrop on the tumbtacks, coming up with a load of tacks attached to him. It ended with HHH hitting a pedigree on Cactus on the tacks for the three count. Jack came up with some tacks sticking out of his forehead and eyebrows. Sick. HHH was stretchered out. Jack attacked the stretcher, hitting a barbaed wire shot. * Rock won the Royal Rumble: The funniest part was during the intro, when Howard Finkal announced that there would be "regularly scheduled intervals of two minutes or less." Jim Ross told us the intercals were 90 seconds long. During the match, they had Kaientai run in several times, upset that they hadn't been included in the match. They were always dumped in a few seconds. Mean Street Posse did the same routine. Taka Michinoku took a spectacular and scary bump on his head leaving the ring, Jim Ross mentioned that Taka was taken to the hospital, and Jerry Lawler laughed and kept asking for a replay of the spot. X-Pac's first elimination was missed by the referee. The match followed the usual formula: load up the ring, bring in a pushed guy, empty the ring, repeat. Here's a table summarzing the match statistics. # Wrestler Time of Entrance Time to Get to Ring Elimination Number Elimination Time Eliminated By 1 D'Lo Brown 00:00 n/a 3 6:07 Rikishi Phatu 2 Brian Christopher 00:00 n/a 4 7:40 Rikishi Phatu 3 Headbanger Mosh 01:33 7 sec 1 5:16 Rikishi Phatu 4 Christian 03:15 7 sec 2 5:32 Rikishi Phatu 5 Rikishi Phatu 04:52 12 sec 8 21:26 Everybody 6 Scott Taylor 06:34 5 sec 4 7:40 Rikishi Phatu 7 Steve Blackman 08:37 4 sec 6 9:25 Rikishi Phatu 8 Viscera 10:12 19 sec 7 11:55 Rikishi Phatu 9 Big Boss Man 12:10 132 sec 15 37:09 Rock 10 Test 13:51 35 sec 17 40:43 Big Slow 11 British Bulldog 15:23 6 sec 13 30:50 Road Dogg 12 Gangrel 17:10 19 sec 18 30:50 Big Slow 13 Edge 18:54 12 sec 14 33:54 Al Snow & Val Venis 14 Bob Backlund 20:43 19 sec 9 23:02 Chris Jericho 15 Chris Jericho 22:35 12 sec 10 26:36 Chyna 16 Crash Holly 24:14 12 sec 16 39:20 Rock 17 Chyna 25:46 15 sec 11 26:40 Big Boss Man 18 Faarooq 27:23 12 sec 12 27:53 Big Boss Man 19 Road Dogg 28:56 5 sec 25 48:03 Billy Gunn 20 Al Snow 30:27 6 sec 24 47:51 Rock 21 Val Venis 32:05 6 sec 20 43:58 Kane 22 Prince Albert 43:44 4 sec 21 45:11 Kane 23 Bob Holly 35:16 11 sec 22 47:16 Kane 24 Rock 36:49 12 sec n/a n/a n/a 25 Billy Gunn 38:30 7 sec 26 48:15 Kane 26 Big Slow 40:10 27 sec 29 51:44 Rock 27 Bradshaw 41:40 11 sec 19 42:16 Road Dogg & Billy Gunn 28 Kane 43:25 23 sec 27 50:00 Bradshaw 29 Godfather 44:57 70 sec 23 47:39 Big Slow 30 X-Pac 46:31 20 sec 28 27 50:23 48:37 Big Slow Rock Even with the relatively boring Rumble match removing the memory of the garbagy and tawdry stuff the preceded it on this show, I was still left feeling pessimistic about the future of quality wrestling in North America. I know there are going to be fans or WWF cheerleaders who eat this stuff up. Some of them won't get excited about the actual broken tables, blood, and extreme violence; instead, they'll revert to ECW fanspeak, talking about how the wrestlers gave so much of themselves in the tables and title matches. But I can't praise this stupidity. I don't need the battered Mick Foley to drive a few more thumbtacks into his body, to take a suplex on a garbage can. (Sadly, he can't do anything else.) Compare this garabge wrestling to the breathtaking wrestling that the New Japan juniors deliver most of the time, to the awesome heavyweight matches that All Japan still generally manages to deliver, despite accumulated strains and injuries. For me, the measure of greatness is simple. Sandman, New Jack, and friggin' Shoji Nakamaki can do one style of match and have no hope at doing the other. It's clear that the Japanese styles mentioned require immense athleticism, loads of training and development, and an incredible blend of moves, transitions, and psychology. What does this garabge wrestling require? Willingness to take a risk and bleed, in some cases to get over (Hardyz) and in some cases because that's all the person can do (Cactus). Vampire fans be proud. Apparently, it's your era in North America. RAW RAW on 01/24/2000 was once again preempted for NHL hockey. This time, they at least aired the full show at midnight EST. The show opened with Stephanie & HHH coming out. Stephanie did a stilted interview before passing the mic to HHH, whose interviews, not surprisingly, are the best part of his "game." Hey, you become what your environment makes you. Big Slow came out to complain. Rock appeared. He said that Slow was complaining that Rock's feet touched the ground first at the Rumble. It ended up with a tag match, with Rock in need of a partner. Backstage, Crash Holly goaded Bob into entering the women's locker room. Chyna, who was apparently lost, happened to be in the room and came out to yell at Bob. Bob whacked her, with Chris Jericho immediately jumping him and pounding him until they were separated. Crash laughed at Bob, so Bob beat him up. 20 minutes gone. Al Snow & Steve Blackman tried to come up with a team name. Edge & Christian faced them in a tag match. Since one of Snow's jokes was that Blackman could bring a wheel of cheese to the ring ("head cheese"), the crowd chanted "head cheese." Christian looked good. The commentators talked openly about Blackman's lack of charisma. The referee stopped the match, without a decision, when Edge was KOed. This brought Val Venis out to check on Edge. BB came to the ring to kiss, er, resuscitate Edge. Chris Jericho faced Bob Holly for the IC Title. Backstage, Crash Holly told Bob that he was going to find a new tag team partner tonight. Oh wow! Rock & Crash in the main event! (joke) Jericho & Bob continued their brawl from earlier. 30 seconds in, Chyna came out. "This is a unique dichotomy, with three unique personalities," said Jim Ross. Wouldn't that make it a "trichotomy?" Holly decked Chyna and then wanted to chair her, but Jericho made the save. Jericho got tangled in the ropes, so Chyna came in the ring. With the ref helping Jericho get free, Chyna pedigreed Holly on the chair. Lionsault for the pin. Chyna came in to raise Jericho's hand, giving him the title. Wow, Y2J is going to get it on with an alien woman. The Hardyz & the Dudleyz had a confrontation. It was pretty sad microphone work, but that doesn't matter. Dudleyz asked for the first shot if the Hardyz were to win the titles this night. Hmmm, do I smell interference by the Dudleyz to set themselves up for a title shot? Too Cool faced Crash Holly & Viscera. Christopher & Taylor are really good, but they've never had a good match in the WWF. It's another sad example of what bugs me. I guess they need to get a ladder or a table in the ring. Viscera did a few power bumps on the Too Cool. Christopher hit his leg drop off the top on Crash. While Taylor celebrated prematurely, Viscera hit a leg drop on Christopher. Crash got the pin. Kane faced X-Pac. These guys have an angle, remember. X-Pac violated Tori, even though Tori said he was a gentleman. Match ended really quickly, with X-Pac kissing Tori and walking off. With all of these sexy women in the company, why would Jericho, X-Pac, and Henry go after Chyna, Tori, and Mae? "Oh, you didn't know? We never have a good match! Our matches our B-A-double-D, pure shiznit, and if you ain't down with that then learn to say these two words: we suck." Hey, that's what I heard in my sick, tired state. New Age Outlaws faced Hardyz for the titles. The story was that the Hardyz were battered from last night. Matt had bandaged ribs. The Dudleyz came out with a table and sat at the bottom of the entryway. The Hardyz did a remarkable recovery, with Jeff hitting the senton bomb on Road Dogg. As the referee counted to two and the commentators put the Hardyz over, the Dudleyz pulled the referee out of the ring to kill the match. They destroyed the Hardyz. They put a table in the ring. D-Von wanted to punch Terri, but Buh Buh said they should put her through the table. Buh Buh did the lamest table power bomb in history, breaking the table with his ass, holding Terri high and safe and then placing her on the mat. She acted dead. It was ridiculous. They actually had the nerve to show it on replay, with the commentators selling it as Terri going through the table, when we could clearly see that no part of her even came close to touching the table or the mat during the move, until Buh Buh put her down. They stretchered her out, with a neck brace, etc. They showed the stupid bump again. I can't get over how bad this was, yet how hard they pushed it and how many times they showed the replay. Kurt Angle came out. He's still undefeated. Jim Ross said he hadn't been pinned. Tazzcame out. His symbol has a "13" in its centre, I think because that's how many seconds he has sold in his career. Tazz attacked Angle and put the katahajime ("that illegal choke") on him again. Tazz laid him out. The crowd chanted "ECW!" since the show was in Philadelphia. Officials filled the ring. Tazz left. This time, Angle didn't need a stretcher. Accolades faced Godfather & D'Lo Brown. It was something to see Godfather in the ring with these guys, particularly Bradshaw. Bradshaw hit the stiff clothesline on D'Lo for the pin. All of the women came to the ring: Cat, Jackie, BB, Ivory, Luna, and Mae. Terri was at the hospital. The crowd half-booed Mae when she was awarded the crown. Mae said her puppies are real, unlike all of the other women. That led to the women getting into an argument. They all ripped each other's tops off. When they were led away, Mae decided that she would do a striptease. She lifted her top, but Mark Henry stopped her. Big Boss Man faced Test. Stevie Richards came in the ring dressed as Test. He attacked Boss Man, costing Test the DQ. Test beat up Stevie. This was pointless. They showed the horrible table angle with Terri from earlier. They cut to Michael Cole "at the hospital." He said that the "vicious attack" had injured her. "We don't know if she has a broken back, a broken neck," etc. Oh man. Rock came out to face Big Slow & HHH alone. Everybody expecting an appearance by Cactus Jack as Rock's partner was surprised when Rikishi Phatu came out to help Rock, without Rock asking for it. Rikishi is pretty bad, but his dancing got him over to this point. And the WWF immediately noticed and put him in the ring to give HHH a thrashing to make sure that fans know his level. WCW never does that right. Match pretty much stunk. The Outlaws came out. The faces were saved by Cactus Jack, who came in with a two-by-four, which looked funny after the barbarism of the PPV. Nitro Nitro on 01/24/2000 was the first carefully planned show by the new regime, right? It seems perfectly reasonably that one might have expected this show to set the tone for this run down into hell. Hey, it's not like we expect WCW to turn around. Chris Benoit and Perry Saturn have complete their release forms, and Dean Malenko and Eddie Guerrero are expected to as well. With that supreme loss of talent, WCW has shot itself in the foot one more time. The Observer notes that the WWF locker room expressed negative sentiment about hiring Kevin Nash were he to get his release (something he and Scott Hall wanted at the end of 1999). Dave Meltzer suggested that the WWF feeling is that Nash serves a far better purpose as "a cancer" in WCW. That's so accurate. As Nitro opened, Cancer Man and his buds arrived, each in their own limousine. Jeff Jarrett, the poor bastard whose writing buddy has been kicked to the curb, Scott Steiner, the freak who can't cut back on the juice even though his back is already toast, and the returning Scott Hall, the accident waiting to happen who reminded us immediately of why he needs rehab, were in the other limousines. As the Observer has said in the past, they were accompanied by enough silicone to make a Mexican mini wrestler. The show opened with the first match in the WCW Cruiserweight Title tournament. Right on! Bring back some good wrestling. This being WCW, they killed the whole division again with just two segments of TV. Can you believe it? Of course you can. Kaz Hayashi faced Psicosis in what promised to be a really good match, right? Wrong. Juvi did his Rock microphone work. Psicosis was apparently instructed to be slow and lazy, to play to the crowd in an attempt to get heat instead of letting the ringwork build some heat. Sure, there was a tope and a couple of nice spots, but this match did nothing to reestablish the division as different from the Heavyweight scene. Just like bouts with the Hardyz or their budding WCW counterparts in Three Count or many matches in ECW, this match was really a few spots that were good with no attempt to connect those spots in the building of a good match. Sigh. Psicosis got the pin with a roll up. And the Cruiserweight tournament was near death because this match sucked and because they didn't show any brackets or hype the tournament. A tournament without brackets is a joke. But it would get even worse. After letting us know that Jeff Jarrett couldn't compete this night, we went to the next match in which Wall faced Kid Romeo. Romeo has actually looked like he has some potential in his WCW Saturday Night match, so, of course, they decided to feed him to the Wall, who shows pretty much no potential at all. As Romeo was getting squashed, just so that we know that those little Cruiserweight-sized guys can't hang with the big guys, not even a guy who lost to Sid in a split second last week, the commentators unfortunately (this can't be on purpose, right?) talked about him being a great Cruiserweight. Well, shit, why don't they just call it the Jobberweight title? Time and time again, WCW has tried to get this lighter weight division off the floor, but they've never made it mean anything because they continually undermine the wrestlers in it. This match didn't just cut Romeo's legs off; it cut the legs of a division that was already hobbled. Fans loved the fast-paced Cruiserweight stuff that they've seen in the past, even when they've had no reason to care, so you'd think WCW would clue into that and separate, oh, eight or ten of the fast, small guys from the mix. Don't use them as jobbers for the big guys and just let them work these state of the art matches. The guys that can't speak English will get over because of the work. Look at how the fans popped huge for the now unemployed Blitzkrieg when he never once suggested that he could even speak. I didn't mean to rant. Anyhow, Wall squashed Romeo and the whole Cruiserweight division. (It would get worse on Wednesday.) Three Count came to the ring to do their act, but Norman Smiley's music kicked up instead. Shannon Moore faced Norman. Shannon Moore & Shane Helms were regular tag team opponents of the Hardy Boyz on the indy circuit. Smiley could be so over, but he's going to crash in this new regime. This was a good short match, with Smiley going over with the chicken wing. This match was actually motivated by events last week. You'd think they'd put together a 30 second or one minute package showing a couple of the good bumps and spots in last week's work, but this is WCW. Al Green, Kevin Nash's former partner in the Master Blasters and current star in WXO wrestling, faced Tank Abbott. Green went down for a punch. Afterwards, Abbott had a confrontation with somebody in the crowd, who Bobby Heenan later interviewed, revealing that he was "Big Al," a guy that used to ride with Tank. Well, it looks like they are going to blow it with Tank. Can you believe that the commentators were getting orgasmic at the prospect of seeing Tank vs. Meng? Of course you can. They should have built to Tank vs. Goldberg at Starrcade, with no actual wrestling matches by Tank before this bout, lots of UFC footage, training hype, and one brutal knockout confrontation between Tank and a top level guy backstage, but that was too complicated a formula. Ernest Miller resurfaced, dressed like a pimp, with blond hair. He cut a promo and danced. Hey, that fat guy on the other channel got over by dancing, let's bring back our dancing black guy. Bam Bam Bigelow faced Terry Funk in a hardcore match. I never want to see Terry Funk wrestle again. Only on tapes. Older tapes. I feel sad every time I see Funk. It makes me hope that Ric Flair doesn't come back. At least not to the ring. I'd actually rather be pissed at the promotion for screwing things up with Flair so badly in his last year than have Flair come back (or go to the WWF) and tarnish his inring legend like Funk has mucked his up. This time around, after Funk did his moonsault and his rubber legged stuff, Fit Finlay & Brian Knobs came out. Their involvement led to Funk getting a win. Funk promised to be a thorn in Kevin Nash's side. Old vs. older just sucks. This is like Heroes of Wrestling. Sid faced Don Harris. Jeff Jarrett couldn't work, so Kevin Nash dropped Harris into this "roadblock" match. The Harris twins tried the switch, but it didn't matter because Sid pinned the other fresh Harris anyhow. I can't believe that people were chanting "Sid." Kidman faced Vampiro. This was the best match of the night, actually helping both guys, as long as they move from a feud with each other to feuds with guys on the upper level. If they settle things and then feud with Jerry Flynn and the Wall, we know they are dead. Kidman did his facecrusher counter to the powerbomb, but Vamp kicked out. Vamp then hit a powerbomb on Kidman after all. Kidman countered a powerbomb off the ropes with a rana for the pin. Vamp asked for a rematch on Thunder, a match which would surely go the other way. Arn Anderson talked to somebody on the phone about being at Thunder, with the obvious plan being to make good with Ric Flair. Lex Luger faced Booker T. Crappy match. Beforehand, Luger mentioned Hulk Hogan, leading to orgasms from the commentators. Midnight came out when Liz wanted to get involved. During that confusion, Stevie Ray surfaced too, and Big T laid out Booker T. For some reason, Luger lifting the unconscious Booker into the rack led to the referee ringing the bell. The lights went out, Sting's music came up, the lights came up, a Sting silhouette was in the smoky entryway, the lights went out, the lights came on again, and the figure was gone! Oooooh. Fit Finlay & Brian Knobs faced Big Vito & Johnny the Bull for the Tag Titles. David Flair, Crowbar, and Daffney did commentary for this match, which made it oh so much better. Standards & Practices & Miss Hancock came out. It was a mess. The champs retained. Nash ruled that the power bomb was illegal in the title match this night. Sid faced Kevin Nash for the vacant title. Kick, kick, kick, punch, punch, punch. It almost made me wish for garbage wrestling. Sid really does seem to be stealing bits of Hogan's act. I thought the PPV match was a one-time deal, with the Hogan routine failing to a great worker, an idea that I actually liked. The referee bumped. Jeff Jarrett came out with his guitar. Sid got it somehow. He smashed Nash over the head. The referee was starting to recover. Sid lay down, shaking his head, with the commentators explaining that he was pretending that he had been hit with the guitar. You see, if the referee knew that Sid had used the guitar on Nash, he'd get DQed, but for some reason it was okay for the referee to think that Sid was hit with the guitar. While the commentators were trying to convince us that Sid's ruse was brilliant, I wondered how the referee could fall for such crap given that Nash had bits of guitar in his hair and was laying there unconscious. And, hey, when the referee watches the tape after the match, like Arn did, he'd surely have to overturn the decision, saying that he blew it, like Arn did. Sid fakes a pained crawl to Nash and got the pin. It wasn't brutally atrocious (Slow vs. Kane level), but it was pretty damn bad, putting the world title in a really bad light. Thunder on 01/26/2000 continued the downward spiral. I'd like to think it's at least a spiral and not a vertical freefall. The show opened with WCW champion Sid coming out to a gushing Mean Gene. Gene actually said that Sid has always given us 100%, which was just to funny not to repeat. Kevin Nash surfaced. Nash pointed out that Sid beat the wrong guy in the "roadblock" match on Monday, and, hence could not be considered the champion. Worse yet, since Nash had proclaimed that Sid had to get past Harris or else forfeit the title to Nash, Kevin declared that he was now the WCW champion! And there were people who thought putting the belt on Tank Abbott at the PPV would have been ridiculous. Nash, though, said that the title would be on the line in a triangle cage match involving all three guys that nobody wants to see: Kevin Nash, Sid, and Ron Harris. After that crap, the Maestro had a interview. He was accompanied by the only boobjobless woman in wrestling, Symphony. Now, don't say Midnight should be included on the list, because I still haven't figured out if she's really a woman. Maestro faced Norman Smiley in the hardcore opener. They were backstage. Norman found a sarcophagus, opened it, and "the Demon," who used to be the KISS Demon or KISS Warrior or whatever months ago, surfaced, causing Norman to pass out in fright. What crap. Demon looked smaller than Brian Adams. Ah, Dale Torberg has a new gimmick. In the second match of the bracketless Cruiserweight tournament, Prince Iaukea faced Kid Romeo. You remember these guys, right? Romeo is that promising kid who got squashed two nights earlier. Iaukea is the guy who has lost more matches than he's won since taking on this new gimmick. Just to make me happy, Iaukea went over quickly to advance to the second round of the Jobberweight tournament. Terry Funk faced the Demon. I guess the idea was to put Funk over strong, but nobody can believe that result, can they? Here, the Demon had inspired blackout-level fear earlier, only to be punked out by a 54-year-old one-time legend who is now a sad caricature of himself. Maybe they found the KISS costume in storage and wanted to use it once before throwing it out. Kidman faced Vampiro in a rematch from Monday. Some nice stuff and a good match. Of course, Vampiro got his win back. This means that the midcarders are trading wins and losses just like always, without any storyline reason for the matches and no interview time to build interest or meaning. What they need to do is have Elizabeth come down to confront Torrie Wilson about something inane so that Kidman can kick Lex Luger's ass to elevate himself. Speaking of the wonder boy, Luger faced Bagwell in the expected crappy match. If Bagwell is going to be a future superstar, he has to do better than get a DQ win over Lex. They need to have an angle after that sort of finish. Lord knows that if they do decide to put these guys in the ring against each other again, they won't show a clip from this match to build the feud up. They save the video packages for PPV hype, and then only show the key packages on TV. That's in part why the midcard guys never get elevated. Their storylines are given lip service at best. Three Count faced Vito & Johnny & Disco Inferno. The Italians beat Three Count in short order. Do you think they'll eventually do a "Three Count wins!" angle and build it to a story line where Shannon & Shane get elevated? Stupid question. If they do it, it will be a win over another lame duck team. The Italians celebrated by singing "New York, New York," but David Flair, Daffney, and Crowbar ran in to whack them. Flair stood on a green circle stroking his crowbar (notice that this isn't capitalized), Crowbar stood on a circle stroking his metal pole, and Daffney stood on a circle and shrieked. Devon Storm should have undercard or developmental work, but I can't figure out why Flair has a job. Booker T faced Jerry Flynn. Booker squashed him. I don't know what they point was. Booker should be hunting down Big T and kicking his ass, right? Ernest Miller did the exact same routine as on Monday, killing more time. Fit Finlay faced Bam Bam Bigelow to determine who gets a harcore title match at the next PPV. Before the bout, Finlay showed champion Brian Knobs that he had a wrench in his pocket. Knobs gave him a hug for good luck, picking the wrench out of his pocket in the process. So, in the ring, they didn't do too much hardcore stuff. Finlay eventually tried to reach in his pocket for the wrench and looked confused when he didn't find it. Bigelow hit his finisher. So Bigelow faces Knobs at the PPV in a hardcore title match. In the main event, called "caged heat," Kevin Nash & Sid & Ron Harris had a triangle match. It was like they didn't even know what they were going to do. Nash had proclaimed that Sid could not use the power bomb in this match. He should also take away the clothesline, punch, and kick, and then Sid would just have to stand there doing nothing. Outside the ring, in the cage corner, they talked about the weather and what spots they felt like their overpaid asses were up for. This was just about as bad a word title as ever. Nash did a heart punch. In the ring, the heels tried a double cover, but Sid kicked out. The poor commentators further destroyed their credibility (if that's even possible) by pushing this crap. Sid came back with puncheds on everybody, with the heels bumping like really slow pinballs with bad knees. Sid's punches looked horrible, and these guys were selling them huge. It was depressingly bad. Nash finally hit a low blow. The heels did heelish things. Sid lay there holding his balls. They left the ring to talk about the weather. Sid bloced a whip into the cage. He whipped them into cage instead. Sid choke slammed Ron Harris, who rolled out. Nash came in and did the Jerry Lawler strap lowering routine. Out of nowhere, Sid hit the crossface on Nash for the win, as a jab at Kevin Nash. They commentators got excited that Sid had won the title twice in a three day period. Who cares? Ric Flair showed up oin the entryway and applauded Sid as we went off the air. Tony Schiavone suggested that Ric was passing the torch. - The 11/20/99 All Japan TV show had Mitsuharu Misawa & Yoshinari Ogawa vs. Kenta Kobashi & Jun Akiyama in a great tag tournament match. All Japan heavyweight style is the best heavyweight style in the world, and even a match that doesn't quite hit the great level, like this one, stands as an example of that. Returning to the 11/20/99 All Japan TV show, I wanted to point out again that even though the Mitsuharu Misawa & Yoshinari Ogawa vs. Kenta Kobashi & Jun Akiyama "only" merited a * * * 3/4 rating, it was till a really good example of what's missing in North American pro-wrestling: in-ring wrestling, matches that build to prolonged and heated finishing sequences involving (gasp) actual wrestling. Here, after several minutes of really good stuff already, Misawa hit a Tiger Driver on Akiyama for a two. Their partners were on the apron, exhausted, actually selling the accumulated fatigue of the match. In the ring, as Misawa tried to continue his assault, Akiyama slapped on a blockbuster suplex to a great reaction. Both guys acted dead for several seconds. Akiyama made the hot tag to Kobashi. Kobashi came in, but walked sort of drunkenly for the first few steps. Small things like that really help the big picture. I know, I know, most fans in North America would rather see stunt man stuff because it is so much more simple to digest (and do). Kobashi charged Misawa, who was in the turnbuckles, hitting the jumping knee. Akiyma lay on the apron in his corner, dead. Kobashi hit his jackknife power bomb, which had nothing to do with Kevin Nash's jackknife power bomb: Kobashi hits a "standard" power bomb, stays standing, and flips himself over for a pinning combination. Two count. Misawa tried to sneak in an elbow, but Kobashi, shaken, hit a (discus) chop. He then hit what I'm sure Joey Styles would call a blahblahblahTazplex, that was a half German and half Dragon suplex. Misawa, true to form, landed on his head. Two count, with Ogawa making the save. Ogawa actually resorted to raking Kobashi's eyes before Kobashi knocked him down with a shoulder tackle. Kobashi made those great facials and seemed to be winding up for a clothesline. As he charged Misawa, who was just getting up, Misawa managed to slip in a short elbow. Kobashi staggered backwards, but then used that separation to put together a mini charge into the stiff clothesline Two count, but Ogawa made the save. Ogawa got dumped again. Kobashi hoisted Misawa into a sitting position on the top rope, facing out to the crowd. Kobashi was going to go for a reverse death valley driver, which begins by putting your opponent in someting like the torture rack. So, he started to pick Misawa off the top turnbuckle for a torture rack, but Ogawa grabbed Misawa's leg. From outside, Akiyama came around and beat Ogawa away. Misawa had recovered enough sense to grab the turnbuckle cable to try to stop Kobashi. Well, a few forearm smashes to the back dampened Misawa's resolve, and Kobashi got him up. On the floor, in the same camera shot, Akiyama was preparing to whip Ogawa into the guard rail. Ogawa hit the rail, and Misawa flipped himself down from Kobashi's rack when Kobashi started his ran for the driver. So, Misawa spun to face Kobashi, and the two wrestlers charged each other: clothesline and an elbow. Double knockdown. The replay showed solid All Japan contact for the two moves. Kobashi recovered a second before Misawa and went for a cover for a two count. As the camera zoomed out, we could see that Akiyama and Ogawa were back on the apron in their respective corners. Misawa and Kobashi traded shots, with Kobashi taking more than he was giving. Ah, but he was trying to maneuver into position, so the punches were worth it. Bang, another half nelson suplex (a blahblahblahTazplex) on Misawa by Kobashi. As Kobashi crawled over the cover, Jun Akiyama charged across the ring to block Ogawa's attempted save. Misawa barely kicked out after two. Akiyama & Ogawa left the ring, going back to their corners. Kobashi, optimistic and watching the clock, went for another cover for another two. Great facials. The bell rang for the 30:00 draw in this tag tourney match. The other match on the show, really just a few minuts of highlights, saw Vader & Johnny Smith & ? face Vader & Akira Taue & ?. The 11/28/99 TV show featured more tag tourney action, opening with Yoshihiro Takayama & Takao Omori vs. Stan Hansen & Akira Taue in a really bad match for obvious reasons: Hansen is done, Akira Taue is pretty bad, Takayama is All Japan's Kevin Nash or Big Slow, and Takao Omori is also disappointing. Sad match. Hansen did one of his "son of a bitch" English swearing interviews, which now seem like no big deal given what gets said on RAW every week. They aired the final minutes of another tag tourney match before going to the six-man main event, which featured Kenta Kobashi & Kentaro Shiga & Jun Akiyama vs. Maunakea Mossman & Johnny Smith & Vader. Vader beat the crap out of everybody, and guys got over by coming back from the pounding. Match was quite good. Mossman ended up giving up the pin to Shiga when Shiga countered a death valley driver with a roll-up. Shiga did a great job of driving with his legs will hold Mossman down, throwing his body into the air to keep Mossman down for the third count. The only match on the 12/05/99 TV was the tag tourney final, featuring Kenta Kobashi & Jun Akiyama vs. Stan Hansen & Akira Taue, I guess giving Hansen one last moment in the sun. Given that Hansen isn't what he was and Taue isn't what he is, this would be a test of Akiyama & Kobashi. And it turned out to be a very good match, but a let down because the tag tourney final each year is usually a match of the year contender. Given the crap that we get fed in North America week in and week out, PPV in and PPV out, it's amazing that I'd dog a solid * * * 1/2 match. Hansen drew a great reaction from the crowd when the match opened with Hansen kicking ass like it was 10 or 15 years earlier. It was like the reaction Terry Funk or Ric Flair get from diehard North American fans even though its their legend that keeps them close to fans' hearts. Misawa did commentary during the match, which of course guaranteed the run-in. Oh, wait, wrong country. I don't enjoy watching Taue, so I can't bring myself to carefully calling the match in words. There was a long heat segment on Akiyama, who made the other side look great. He's a friggin' star. When I think about how damn outstanding he is, I realize that it's being pampered by seeing guys like him that makes my back go up with cheezy magazines declare that the Rock (or, gasp, DDP) is outstanding. It makes "outstanding" mean nothing to use it for those guys. Akiyama finally got his edge back on Hansen late in the match. Hansen was hitting him back with forearms, but Akiyama was getting wobbles from his hits, with the crowd so into it. Hansen, of course, came out the better on the exchange, knocking Akiyama over with a shoulder. He got a two count from a power bomb, with Kobashi making the save. Kobashi & Akiyama were down on the mat like they were dead, while the other wrestlers were standing and looking strong. Taue hit a German release suplex on Akiyama, who did a Ted DiBiase bump. Taue tried for the nodawa off the apron to the floor. Kobashi's save was cut off by Hansen. Taue got him up, but Akiyama hit an elbow to the back of the head to derail the move. Both tumbled to the floor, where Taue did a less dangerous nodawa on the mats. Back in the ring, Taue tried for the nodawa again and again. The blocks to the move were drawing tremendous heat. He hit it but only got a two. Things turned around quickly when Kobashi stormed back into the ring, along with Hansen. Hansen ended up getting dumped as Taue received a blockbuster suplex. Kobashi stayed near the ropes in anticipation of blocking Hansen's save, while Akiyama hit another of those great suplexes. He only got a two count. Emotion was amazing. Akiyama ran at Taue, who was sort of crouched on the mat, trying to gather himself. Akiyama hit a knee to the back of the head, which the commentator called an "enzuknee," since "enzu" tacked on to any move means "to the back of the head." He tried for another suplex, finally got him up. Kobashi was still at the ropes. Cover and pin. Quite heated, really intense and emotional final minutes, sort of a sayonara to Hansen and a testament to Taue, but still, because of Hansen's limited role in the final minutes, it wasn't as awesome as the previous tag tourney finals. The crowd chanted "Hansen!" at the end, when he hugged Taue, seemed to swear his ass off at the winning side, and sort of did a swan song. When he did his yell with raised hand, the crowd echoed the sound and gesture. Kind of nice. During the awards ceremony, when all of the teams stand in the ring while the new champions are crowned, in an atypical scene, Hansen attacked Kobashi. Taue & Hansen left the ring. Backstage, Hansen, helping Taue, who was exhausted from the match, apologized and explained his rage, saying that if Taue had been tagged with Toshiaki Kawada as planned, he might have won the tournament. "I'm sorry. If maybe Kawada, maybe he win. I try. But I come back to help if he want. Good job Taue." They asked Hansen later if he had a messag for Mr. Baba. "God bless you Baba. Merry Christmas. You inspire me. Happy new year." This was Hansen, wearing his cowboy hat and a shirt, and sporting his glasses. He looked like the guy that pushes the Quaker Oats. The 12/04/99 New Japan TV show was sort of lacklustre, with no great matches. The only pretty good match was the junior heavyweight six-man tag, which wasn't at the usual level that these wrestlers usually hit. Technically, the show was substandard as well, as the lighting was just horrible. It suited ECW more than New Japan. The 12/11/99 New Japan TV show also didn't feature anything stellar. Sigh. Actually, the second match on the show was Masa Chono & Don Frye vs. Keiji Muto & Satoshi Kojima. Before the match, Team 2000 (remember that was what Chono & Super J said they were a part of on Nitro) came out with full black body suits and ski masks. They beat the crap out of their opponents with chair and weapon shots. Muto hit a gusher and bled like a pig for the whole match. Team 2000 removed the masks after the attack. Kojima bled heavily as well, but it was inconsequential next to Muto, so it seemed pretty pointless. I mean, Muto was dripping like a faucet when he was in a crawling position. Kojima had his ribs taped quickly. Despite the fact that his matches aren't that great, I want to reiterate that Don Frye could be a hell of a force in North America. And, heck, in North America it hardly matters if he has great matches. Match was simple: after the attack, Muto & Kojima sold the whole way, making only a couple of short-lived comebacks, before Muto was pinned after a yakuza kick. The junior heavyweight match on this show, Kendo Ka Shin & Dr. Wagner Jr. vs. Shinjiro Otani & Koji Kanemoto, was good. Otani is like Chris Benoit or X-Pac in that even when his matches aren't up to great level, you just sit in awe at how great of a worker he is. I guess Otani is more like Benoit, since even when they have matches not at the great level, the matches still tend to be good. X-Pac generally has bad matches. They only aired 5:00 of the match. During the news segment on the show, they hyped the WCW Music CD and a CNN English tape set. The main event featured Hiroyoshi Tenzan & Satoshi Kojima (with taped ribs) & Keiji Muto (with bandaged forehead) vs. Team 2000 members Masa Chono & Don Frye & Super J. As the heels were just cutting off the comeback of the babyfaces, a masked Team 2000 member (Mike Rotunda) came to ringside and waited with a chair on the apron. He was going to whack Kojima, who was being sent to the ropes. All of the other wrestlers were occupied outside the ring. Well, Kojima reversed the whip and Rotunda ended up chairing Super J, who gave up the pin. See, that's why Chono & Super J were pissed at Rotunda during that Nitro match. ______________________________________________________________________ If you have any feedback regarding my web pages, please send me e-mail. Don't forget to delete the leading "x" from my e-mail address; that "x" is my web spider spam guard. ______________________________________________________________________