Slobberknocker Central Monday Night Recap #213 December 13th, 1999 The Opening Word: Armageddon pretty much pushes aside anything noteworthy that happened late last week, so let's start there. First off, I missed the PPV myself. No PPV access (yet) at my new home, so I sat at work watching Heat and debating whether or not I should get it. With mere seconds to go before the start I decided to pass on it. I then spent the next three hours watching the Vikings play terrible football, and reading the results of the PPV on the Net, knowing I'd picked the wrong show to watch. As Mark Madden predicted (*snort*), Stephanie McMahon turned on her father Vince and joined up with Triple H. A plot from the very beginning, a turn brought on by her bout of amnesia, or a spectacular performance on their wedding night, which won her to his side? Guess we'll see how the story plays out this week. Thankfully this puts to rest that whole "rape angle" thing. ... and so the WWF opens up a whole new can of worms by having Miss Kitty go topless on the PPV. Or so some would have you think. I see Bob Ryder was very quick to express his shock, disgust and outrage on his website. No surprise there. The funny thing is every nasty, uncomplimentary thing he says about Vince McMahon is absolutely true ... and completely irrelevant. Bob can be as outraged as he'd like, but let's be honest here, this is probably much ado about nothing. The WWF has been teasing (threatening?) for a long time they were going to do something like this, and they finally did it. If some were offended and they decide to never buy another WWF PPV for the safety of their children, fine, the WWF knew they would be facing that possibility. They're willing to weather the storm of complaints which in all likelihood won't be forthcoming. There's just no story here for anyone, such as the media, to jump upon--unless people like Bob Ryder go out of their way to make it come about. There's been a lot of handwringing over how the "evils" the WWF perpetrate will come back to harm all of wrestling, WCW in particular. Of course it's usually people working for WCW that raise such a stink that brings in the unwanted outside attention in the first place. Rest assured, if the WWF or the PPV distributors get a whole lot of complaints, then you've probably seen the last of the kitties on a WWF PPV. If not, expect this to be something that pops up (out?) every now and then. If I were Bob, I'd be nervously keeping an eye on Vince Russo, who you damned well know is trying to figure out how to do the exact same thing on a WCW PPV--Standards & Practices be damned. But hey, I didn't even see the PPV, so I'm not supposed to even comment on such things, right? Guess I'll have to get a tape of the show from someone before I can comment further. The WWF, for the record, announced on their website that Kitty's exposure was "unauthorized", and they apologized for it. Heh. Can you say "massive replay buyrate"? By the way, this wasn't anything new for Miss Kitty. She had her top "accidentally" torn off during a match between Jerry Lawler and Jackie Fargo earlier this year in Music City Wrestling. A clip of the incident aired two or three weeks straight on their syndicated show (with a black box placed over the goodies). On to other stuff: Torrie Wilson went ahead and signed with WCW last week. Looks like Symphony will be sticking around too. In the case of Wilson, she wasn't too interested in talking to the WWF, and they wouldn't have offered her more money anyway, so she went down a bit on her asking price. Symphony, she didn't even have the option of talking to the WWF available to her (and it's not as if ECW could offer her more than WCW did), so she's either taken/will take WCW's offer, or she'll continue to be paid on a per-appearance basis. The WWF has countered by signing Trish Stratus, a fitness expert from Canada, or something like that. I'd never heard of her before, but I've seen pics of her and man, she's unbelievable. She's going to give Torrie a run for her money as "Hottest Woman in Pro Wrestling". No developments in the "Ric Flair/Randy Savage/DDP/Eric Bischoff want to go to WWF" rumors. Juventud Guerrera made waves last week in his stint as color commentator on Thunder. Some found his commentary, especially early in the show, to be hilarious, as his broken english and brutal honesty led to what some are calling the funniest unintentional shoot comments in wrestling TV history. An example is a bit where he commented on Lex Luger being on "the juice", and how he himself was going to get some of that juice and grow as big as Luger someday! A bewildered Mike Tenay was totally unprepared to deal with comments like that. I myself only saw the latter half of Thunder, and found Juvi's commentary to be a dreadful experience. There's word that he'll be back at it again on Thunder this week. Back to the WWF and their problems ... it looks like a lot of the furor over the PTC thing and the advertisers pulling out has blown over. With the WWF toning down SmackDown! the PTC have backed off, since the network show was the only thing they were focusing their efforts on. It turns out that of all those sponsors that had supposedly pulled out, not all of them actually did, and some will be coming back now that SmackDown! has been altered. Some that pulled out of advertising on SmackDown!--the Army being one mentioned--will apparently continue to advertise on RAW and the other WWF shows. The only thing truly affected by all this has been the WWF's stock, which dropped significantly from where it was before this whole thing erupted. It's now trading at under $20 per share. With the media attention cooling off quite a bit, and the WWF having all kinds of positive financial earnings to report, they're hoping to turn things around over the course of the next few months. Turning to Monday the night shows, the WWF deals with the fallout of Armageddon, as they prepare for the long build to the Royal Rumble. WCW has their hands full, delivering the final push for Starrcade, what is supposed to be their biggest show of the year, but which thus has been woefully underhyped. Bret Hart & Goldberg, who won the Tag Team Titles last Thursday from Creative Control (a booking favorite of Russo--how many times did he use it in the WWF last year?), are expected go into Nitro this week to put the belts on the line. Will they walk out as champions, or will a loss lead to the split which injects some sizzle into their scheduled PPV main event match for the WCW World Heavyweight Title? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WCW Monday Nitro: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Three Hours+. Location: New Orleans, Louisiana. HOUR ONE Hosted By: Tony Schiavone and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. - Jeff Jarrett is brawling backstage with Chris Benoit. Huh? - THE ARTIST FORMERLY KNOWN AS PRINCE IAUKEA vs. THE MAESTRO Iaukea is made up to look like Prince circa 1985. He's accompanied by his valet "Paisley". The Maestro descends from the ceiling on a stage playing a piano, Symphony by his side. The crowd is good and pissed by the time their lengthy entrances are completed. (You know, one good "faggot!" chant and we'd never see either of these two again.) Say, didn't Goldust use the "Artist Formerly Known As" label for a while? Iaukea gets the pin after a few minutes of severely mediocre action, which further pissed off the crowd. Jeff Jarrett then comes in and guitars both, drawing a good pop for putting the fans out of their misery. Jarrett challenges Chris Benoit to a "Bunkhouse Brawl". There's Bret Hart. There's Kevin Nash, calling out to Scott Hall. - Evan Karagias hits on a receptive Nitro Girl (Spice?). Madusa comes along and kicks her ass. Well, not really. Bret Hart is out to go through the motions of talking tough to Goldberg. Goldberg comes out and says Hart is "NEXT!" That buzzing noise you hear is Starrcade's buyrate flatlining. "Dr. Hogan to ER--STAT!" The Outsiders then come out and challenge the duo to a Tag Title match. So Vince Russo's solution to fixing WCW's problems is to give EVERY title belt to Scott Hall? "Mean" Gene Okerlund looks at Madusa's boobs as she talks smack about Spice. There's "Rowdy" Roddy Piper, talking to himself as always. - Lex Luger arrives just in time to get directions from Terry Taylor. Luger has to team up with David Flair tonight. A delivery man has a package for David Flair. Flair goes ... *chuckle* ... postal on him! I wonder if anyone else in the building is getting mail? Can we watch that too? How about shots of people drinking coffee, talking on the phone or reading newspapers? - MADUSA vs. SPICE Yeah, right. Spice has no combat skills whatsoever. Karagias winds up in the ring about a minute in and somehow he and Madusa knock heads. Spice gets the lame pin--Madusa's foot on the bottom rope notwithstanding. Karagias takes a German Suplex from Madusa. The Powers That Be ask Curt Hennig and Shane about some kind of remote control. Rhonda Singh comes in and she's told to beat it--that they don't talk to people at her level without an agent. Roddy Piper is summoned. - Video clip featuring the Revolution/"Hacksaw" Jim Duggan feud. Duggan makes his way to the ring, where he delivers an interview straight out of 1986. Duggan is way over with the crowd, which I'm sure, sadly, WCW will attribute to their making him scrub toilets. The lights go out, static plays on the big screen, and we Duggan laid out in the ring, floored by a mystery assailant. Attribute said attack to the PTB "remote control". Piper is told he has to referee a match between Hennig and Buff Bagwell, and that he better "do the right thing". There's Buff Bagwell, talking to himself and acting like the King of Queers. If fingers on a blackboard are a "10" on the annoyance scale, Bagwell measures in at about a "73". - Luger is looking for David Flair. - BUFF BAGWELL vs. CURT HENNIG A Buzzkill sighting in the crowd at ringside will go missed by about 93% of the Monday Night Wrestling viewers. This one goes for a bit, with Piper and Hennig exchanging words, and Piper increasingly favoring Bagwell. He eventually just decks Hennig and counts the pin for Buff. Creative Control is shown looking on from the stage. Luger finds Flair's dressing room, but doesn't like what he sees. There's Jeff Jarrett, with a cart full of plunder. There's Chris Benoit, carrying a ladder. No Mafia Guys in the first hour? Saving them for later? WCW is surely flirting with ratings disaster this week. HOUR TWO Hosted By: Tony Schiavone and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. - JEFF JARRETT vs. CHRIS BENOIT So what's the difference between a "Bunkhouse Brawl" and a typical Hardcore Match? Or a "Ladder Match", for that matter, as that seems to be the weapon of choice here. Some okay actions, though it appears to be dragging on as we wait for ... something. Ah, here comes Dustin Rhodes, who Dave Meltzer just recently described as having "the opposite of 'charisma'", or words to that effect. The ref tries to stop Rhodes from involving himself in the match. Jarrett clobbers Rhodes with a guitar. Benoit then goes for a move with the ladder, but Dustin is pushed into it, knocking Benoit to the mat. Jarrett covers for the pin. Okay match, I suppose, I'm just real tired of seeing Rhodes without either a gimmick or storyline of any kind. He's just ... there ... you know? David Flair's gone nuts, hugging a headless teddy bear. As you'd imagine, Luger isn't too happy. I'll put two-and-two together and assume this is a gift from that Flair fan we saw last week? Somebody pulls up in a Porsche. - The PTB tell Piper he made a mistake. Piper has a baseball bat. Hennig has a chair, and takes a swing. - MENG vs. TANK ABBOTT Schiavone hypes up Abbott's past in the UFC, as if the UFC means anything to anyone anymore. Anyone else think he looks just like Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart? After a minute the two are counted out as they brawl away from the ring. Why am I not surprised that neither of these guys put the other over? I doubt we'll ever see Abbott lose cleanly in WCW. Coming out of the Porsche is Kanyon, who is dressed EXACTLY like the Godfather. He even has a few Ho's. He's also accompanied by Clarence Mason, the lame lawyer character from the WWF. I wonder what his WCW name will be? Well, not really wonder ... - Piper, removed from the office of the PTB, tries to bust his way back in. A few cops happen along and take him away. Back to Alcatraz? Meng and Abbott are still fighting. Then they cut away. Huh? Why is it when this was a match, we watched, but now that it's a backstage brawl, they cut away? If *they* aren't interested, why should we be? - THE REVOLUTION vs. HARLEM HEAT/MIDNIGHT In their pre-match mic bit Malenko says something about heat, meaning Harlem Heat, but Saturn thinks he means the heat they're getting in the lockerroom with this angle. Ooh ... "smart" talk! Midnight then makes her lights-out entrance. Booker T. spends most of the match getting beat up. Stevie Ray gets the hot tag. Midnight comes in and blows her knee doing a leapfrom. Stevie gets rolled up for the pin, Booker passing up the easy save opportunity to check on Midnight. Booker and Stevie tease a breakup, which is like the dumbest thing I can imagine WCW doing with them right now. Remember when Eric Bischoff claimed he hated tag teams, and tried to break them all up? I think Russo shares the same philosophy. (Hey, notice how tag team wrestling has flourished in the WWF *since* Russo left? Hmmm ...) Mike Tenay tries to interview David Flair, but Flair's nuts, so he yells and runs away. So Luger talks, plugging his angle with Elizabeth. He's going to sue her for "breach of contract" or something. There's Roddy Piper, waving a chair around like a madman. Rhonda Singh asks Clarence Mason to represent her as her agent. Lucky for her he *is* an agent. Unlucky for her, he isn't interested, and goes into a spiel about how he represents Hollywood stars. Chavo Guerrero then pops up and offers to sell Rhonda some dancewear. Meng and Abbott are still brawling. As before they note this in passing. - There's Paul Orndorff, summoned by the Powers That Be. This looks familiar. - The Nitro Girls are dancing in the ring. Rhonda, in her newly purchased dance outfit, interrupts them. They jump her back and try to drag her away. - Taped in the woods somewhere, Fit Finlay continues his hardcore training of Brian Knobbs. We've truly entered the Land of Crap during this hour. - There's Norman Smiley, who wanders into the Block, where Jerry Flynn awaits. Then Meng and Tank Abbott brawl in. The two teams switch opponents. Abbott and Flynn trade blows, as Meng chases Smiley away. The camera, of course, did that thing which gives the viewer headaches. The PTB fire Paul Orndorff for training Midnight so well at the Power Plant. Orndorff somehow winds up booked in a handicap match against Creative Control. There's Goldberg. Mike Tenay interviews Sid, who has a kid with Down Syndrome as his manager. I'm going to move on before I write something I regret. - "DR. DEATH" STEVE WILLIAMS (w/ Oklahoma) vs. SID VICOUS Punch, kick, chop, moo. Sid's taking a helluva beating here, which I should commend him for, since he usually never sells anything. Oklahoma slips Williams his boot, which brings out Vampiro to chase Okie around the ring. Sid goes for the powerbomb, but Williams backdrops him. Sid no-sells it, and immediately powerbombs Williams for the win (per the stips of the match. Williams would have had to done a suplex to get the win). Scott Hall and Kevin Nash then run in, with Nash laying Sid out with a powerbomb. - Sid's selling a sore neck as the paramedics check him out. Tenay interviews Hall & Nash, who hype their match with Hart & Goldberg. - LEX LUGER/DAVID FLAIR vs. DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE/STING Why would anyone, ever, want to watch a match involving David Flair? Flair has his crowbar and mangled teddy bear, and refuses to wrestle without them. Luger chucks the bear out of the ring, removing Flair from the picture for the time being. Sting and DDP fight, Flair hits Luger with the crowbar ... get the idea that this one was a mess? Luger is out from the crowbar shot. DDP seems to have disappeared. Liz rolls Sting on top of Luger and he gets the pin. There's Meng, looking for Norman Smiley. Kanyon is now Chris "Champagne" Kanyon--"CCK" for short. Rhonda Singh pops in the frame and asks Clarence Mason if he saw her dance routine? Mason has her taken away by security. Bam Bam Bigelow then shows up to asks Kanyon what's up? Clarence steps in, so Bigelow grabs him, thus Kanyon nails Bigelow. So much for the Triad. There's Bret Hart. HOUR THREE Hosted By: Tony Schiavone and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. - CHRIS "CHAMPAGNE" KANYON (w/ Mr. Biggs) vs. BAM BAM BIGELOW Bigelow works the mic beforehand, saying guys from New Jersey never sell out. Mason will apparently be called "Mr. Biggs". A few minutes of lackluster action leads to Bigelow hitting the headbutt off the top. Mr. Biggs is then up on the apron, distracting Bigelow. Kanyon gets up and nails the Flatliner, now called "That's a Wrap". Pin. Didn't Russo learn with Goldust that all these movie related gimmicks don't work? Meng can't find Smiley, who is RIGHT THERE, hiding in plain sight. Vito and Johnnny the Bull have finally arrived. - Roddy Piper is still wandering around and raving on about a "Chair Match" with Curt Hennig. - LASH LEROUX (w/ Disco Inferno) vs. VITO (w /Johnny the Bull) Will every match this week have a special stipulation? This is a "Body Bag Match", meaning you have to stuff your opponent into a body bag to win. This stip makes sense with someone like the Undertaker, but used here, it just points out how stupid the Mobster characters are. Shouldn't they have whacked Disco and Lash weeks ago with .22 shots to the back of the head? And again, how do Mob enforcers 1) get into the building, 2) walk around unmolested by security, and 3) get booked into actual matches?! What a shock that these two guys know how to actually wrestle. It's like if the Capo de tutti Capi whacked a Mob informer laid up in the hospital by sending in an assassin trained as a professional nurse and had him work there for six weeks before overdosing his medication. Of course Vito & Johnny's goal here is to collect money owed the Mob by Disco. Unfortunately nothing they've done thus far has taken them a step closer to that goal. What can I say about this match? I have to take back something I wrote above: Vito doesn't show that he can actually wrestle. Just punches and kicks, with a bite thrown in for good measure. LeRoux rallies back and hits his finisher, a variation of the Death Valley Driver I think. He covers for the pin, and the ref counts to one, before everyone remembers that you have to put the guy in the bodybag to win. Lash starts a stuffin', and a good 45 seconds later the ref calls for the bell. Johnny clobbers Disco at ringside, then levels Lash and frees Vito. The two of them stuff Lash in the bodybag in about 5 seconds. The crowd is just dead, barely working up the energy to boo. - Johnny & Vito can't remember where they parked their car, so they set Lash down to go find it. Lash takes the opportunity to escape the bag. - PAUL ORNDORFF vs. CREATIVE CONTROL Orndorff looks okay, but doesn't do too much. Creative Control does even less. Arn Anderson and Larry Zbyszko run in and help Paul nail the Piledriver for the win. The evil bald-headed PTB-loyal referee then runs in and reverses the decision, saying Orndorff is DQ'ed for outside interference. If these guys can't get the win in a match as simple as this, why should we believe they can get anything done when there's some high stakes on the line? That's the whole problem with the "Powers That Be" as part of the storyline: how do you push them as a legitimate heel force, yet make the fans care for and believe in the wrestlers they're tormenting? Eight weeks or so in and both sides are at an impasse. There's the Outsiders. - Johnny & Vito come back for the bobybag, but inside it is Norman Smiley, hiding from Meng. - CURT HENNIG vs. "ROWDY" RODDY PIPER The gimmicks continue, as this one is a "Chair Match". This was awful. Piper is selling an arm injury from his earlier attack at the hands of the PTB, so he can do little. Hennig hits him a few times in the back. They then do a whip into a sitting chair, which Piper reverses, so Hennig takes the bump in slo-motion. Piper then lays in a weak chairshot, which Hennig oversells (as he does everything) and tumbles to the floor. Hennig decides to take a powder, flipping off Piper and the ref, and saying something that get muted. Piper wins via countout. Quick cut to the back, as something has happened. The cameraman runs by Mike Tenay and Goldberg, to discover Bret Hart laid out on the couch in his dressing room. Goldberg comes in to check on him. Either Goldberg was supposed to hide better, or we're supposed to put two-and-two together and figure out that it was Goldberg who punked out Hart. That, or Hart is faking it to put one over Goldberg. - Hart is being checked out by a trainer. - THE OUTSIDERS vs. GOLDBERG/BRET "HITMAN" HART Goldberg, unable to rouse Hart, goes out by himself to defend the belts. Hall wrestles most of the match, of course. Nash tags in for a kneelift, takes a spear and slam, then hits a forearm shot, before tagging back out. Lazy bastard. Goldberg absorbs some doubleteam offense for the next minute or so. Hart then runs in, and quickly gets Nash in the Sharpshooter, but is nailed by Hall. Things then go awry when Nash hits Hart in the head with a title belt, but Hart doesn't sell it because it was too light. For the next several seconds--maybe a minute--Hart stands there and lays shots into Nash, as he tries to communicate to him that he needs to be hit again. Goldberg, meanwhile, is crouched nearby waiting to spear Hall. Hall, however, can't get back up until Nash hits Hart with the belt again! Goldberg spears Hall, as Nash finally hits Hart again (a shot the camera almost totally misses), and covers for the pin. The ref counts three and gives the win to the Outsiders. Goldberg Jackhammers Hall, only to finally realize he and Hart have lost the match. (Goldberg and Hall were the legal men, of course, but when you're going to blow it, go all the way!) Goldberg checks on Hart as the show ends. - This Thursday: Nothing announced. - Next week: Nothing announced. Comments: I liked the show more than last week's (or the week before that), but really, that's not saying much. They cut way back on the backstage crap, so that was an improvement. This week they took the crap to the ring, trotting out match after match with pointless gimmicks and bad finishes. Not much done to hype Starrcade. Here's the card: * Bret Hart vs. Goldberg. World Heavyweight Title Match. No DQ. * Scott Hall vs. Chris Benoit. U.S. Title "Ladder Match". * Kevin Nash vs. Sid Vicious. "Master of the Powerbomb Match". * Jeff Jarrett vs. Dustin Rhodes. "Bunkhouse Brawl". * Sting vs. Lex Luger. * Screamin' Norman Smiley vs. Meng. Hardcore Title Match. * Evan Karagias vs. Madusa. Cruiserweight Title Match. * David Flair vs. Diamond Dallas Page. "Crowbar on a Pole Match". * Big Vito & Johnny "the Bull" vs. Disco Inferno & Lash LeRoux. * The Revolution vs. "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan and Three Mystery Partners. * Dr. Death Steve Williams vs. Vampiro. 5 min. w/ Oklahoma if Vamp wins. Four title matches, four gimmick matches, and two with special stipulations. The silliest is that Revolution/Duggan match. If Duggan wins, the Revolution have to be janitors for 30 days. If the Revolution win, Duggan has to renounce his U.S. citizenship. There have been bizarre Net rumors that his "mystery partners" would be members of the old "Varsity Club", including Kevin Sullivan, Mike Rotunda and Rick Steiner. Seems to me to be fairly obvious, though, that his partners will be Harlem Heat & Midnight. Looking over each match you see where WCW tried to hype it, but didn't do all that much for most. Vampiro chased Oklahoma around the ring ... Duggan gave an interview ... Karagias and Madusa split up ... Meng chased Smiley through the building ... stuff like that. The other matches have a bit more storyline going for them. I honestly don't see a single match on this card that promises to rate over two or three stars at their best, save perhaps for the main event. I mean, just compare the line-up to a list of the matches we saw on Nitro this week. Not much difference. If everyone busts their ass, and the matches have definite finishes, and they do something big in the main event, then ... well, you're still looking at a show that would probably rate alongside a good installment of Nitro. I know a lot of people are holding out hope that the Hall/Benoit Ladder Match will steal the show. They're quick to point to Hall's famous matches with Shawn Michaels. Sorry gang, those were almost five years ago. Hall's a shadow of his former self. Benoit should be able to carry Hall to a watchable match, but that's about it. I'm betting Goldberg turns on Hart. How, why, whether or not it will involve the Powers That Be ... I can't say. I just have the feeling Goldberg might turn heel this Sunday. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WWF RAW is WAR: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Two Hours+. Location: Tampa, Florida. WWF RAW Hosted By: Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler. - Mr. & Mrs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley make their way through the back of the building, hand-in-hand. Shane McMahon awaits the arrival of Vince. - New Intercontinental Champion Chris Jericho makes his way to the ring. Y2J tells us how much better the WWF is now that a man holds the IC belt again. Out comes X-Pac, who says he's sick of hearing Jericho ramble on. CHRIS JERICHO vs. X-PAC Only a brief match between the two. Is X-Pac dogging it? Highlight is a sweet springboard drop-kick by Jericho, which knocks X-Pac off the apron. Chyna & Miss Kitty come out to watch the action. Jericho gets X-Pac in the Walls of Jericho, and X-Pac seems to be tapping out, but Chyna has jumped on the apron. She slugs the ref, drawing a DQ win ... for Jericho? Y2J was clearly the face here. Is Chyna turning heel? This made no sense as far as I could tell. Triple H and wife Stephanie pester Shane. - There's Shane again, still waiting for Vince to show. - THE GODFATHER (w/ Ho's) vs. MARK HENRY GTV proves it's not dead by showing us Mark Henry in bed somewhere, gushing about the "erotic, incredible, unbelievable experience" he's just had. The camera pans over to reveal MAE YOUNG ... MAE YOUNG ... MAE YOUNG! Mae, smoking a cigar, says something about guys always wanting to talk afterward, and that he'd probably like to cuddle too. Out comes Mark for the match. The Godfather can't believe what Mark has done. The match begins, and moments in Mae Young comes out to ringside. Say ... Mae ain't half bad looking for a woman of a hundred or so. Mae distracts the ref and the Godfather, allowing Henry to score the roll-up and pin. I wonder how long it will be until the WWF adds Mae and Moolah to the WWF Divas website? Vince McMahon has arrived, and he has that crazed look. Shane tries to talk some sense into him. - Vince, sledgehammer in hand, is headed for D-X's lockerroom. The door is bashed in, but no one's there. - Vince comes to the ring and calls out Triple H, who he calls a coward and rapist (oof--that word again). Triple H's music kicks in, but it's Stephanie Helmsley who comes out instead. Wearing leather pants, and sporting a new curly hairdo, Stephanie looks appropriately evil. She asks him what's he going to do, bash her head in with that sledgehammer? "Go ahead," she says, "because that's the only way you're going to get to Triple H." She smugly flashes her wedding ring. She goes on, saying she wasn't ready to marry Test--that was Vince's idea, not hers. She says everything in the McMahon family is about what he wants. Well, she's grown up now, and doing things her way. She says she was attracted to Triple H, in no small part because of the way he stood up to Vince. He outsmarted Vince by making business personal. She says he knows all about that, and asks her father if he remembers when he himself did that, in his feud against Steve Austin, by having her kidnapped by the Undertaker! She reminds him of the basement she was locked in, how someone went through her room and took personal items, and how she was dragged out to the ring, tied to the Undertaker's symbol. She was sacrificed in order to screw over Steve Austin; so she's gotten revenge on Vince by marrying the man he now hates the most, Triple H. And here he comes. He and Steph embrace on the stage. Triple H said he made a mistake at the PPV by not leaving Vince conscious to see the two of them "seal the deal" with a kiss. They kiss, with Vince face perfectly framed behind them on the Titan-Tron. That rocked. - Vince leaves the building ("I can't breath the same air as that son-of-a-bitch!"). With he and Shane gone, that leaves Stephanie as the sole remaining McMahon in the building to call the shots. Uh-oh. - The Rock comes out, doing his usual bit, this week incorporating ringside guest Wade Boggs into the schtick. A chicken? THE ROCK & SOCK CONNECTION vs. THE DUDLEY BOYZ D-Von Dudley lists the Three Commandments. The Rock asks who these guys are? Buh Buh Ray tries to tell him, but stutters, and the Rock says "I-i-it doesn't matter!" This one goes by quickly, with the Dudleyz being DQ'ed for bringing in a chair. Ah, but here comes Mr. & Mrs. Helmsley. Triple H says this match was supposed to be no DQ. He and the Rock exchange words until the Dudleyz attack. Commercial? The Dudleyz are being battered with a steel chair, Buh Buh Ray bleeding slightly. The Dudleyz rally. Mankind's taking a real beating. Hot tag to the Rock. Seeing the writing on the wall, Buh Buh Ray grabs the ref and decks him. Out come Triple H, Stephanie, and another ref wearing a Vince McMahon mask. D-Von is rolled on top of Mankind, the two having been out on the mat for some time. The Dudleyz win! The masked ref tries to escape, but the Rock grabs him and tosses him into the ring. Mankind pulls off the mask ... revealing Al Snow! The Dudleyz attack again. The Rock plants Buh Buh with the Rock Bottom. Here comes the original ref and he counts, giving the Rock & Mankind the real win at about the fifteen minute mark. What a match! Triple H & Stephanie wonder what X-Pac--dressed in a wetsuit--is up to? - The Mean Street Posse try to suck up to the Helmsleys, but Stephanie will hear none of it. Because of the way they treated her before, they'll have to face the Acolytes tonight. WWF WAR ZONE Hosted By: Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler. - MISS KITTY vs. ??? Because she won the Women's Championship as promised, Miss Kitty will now be known as "The Cat". Backstage Stephanie tells Tori that if she doesn't get out there and wrestle in that PUDDING MATCH, things will go badly for Kane tonight. Tori comes out and strips to her underwear. THIS IS THE GREATEST RAW EVER! Tori actually tries a wrestling hold. X-Pac then comes out, intent on snorkeling in the pudding. Tori makes a grab for X-Pac, falls back into the pool, and the Cat covers for the pin. Kane puts in an appearance, but is quickly jumped by the New Age Outlaws. The Cat hooks up with Lillian Garcia for the post-match interview. Calling her "Miss Kitty" by accident leads to Garcia taking a dive into the pudding. In a bit which gave Bob Ryder six months worth of anti-WWF ammo, Jerry Lawler tries to plug the "Stone Cold" Steve Austin figure that talks. Or at least it's supposed to, but he can't make it work. He and Ross lamely pretend they can hear it talking. "Folks, it really does work!" - THE ACOLYTES vs. THE MEAN STREET POSSE No match, as the Acolytes simply obliterate the Posse, then walk out. Lawler says they forgot to put batteries into it. D'oh! (But then how did they hear it?) I bet Ross hasn't felt this bad since that night he had to interview the pig from "Duckman". Road Dogg & Mr. Ass visit the Helmsleys. Triple H invites them to pull up a chair, have some ham, and watch the cage match coming up. ... there's the Ominous Steel Cage of which they speak. - THE HARDY BOYZ (w/ Terri Runnels) vs. EDGE/CHRISTIAN This match is of the "first to escape the cage wins" variety. The two teams put on an exhibition of crazy high spots. Not a great match, per se, but a great collection of moves. Jeff Hardy gets the fans out of their seats by missing a Senton Bomb FROM THE TOP OF THE CAGE. This guy is nuts. Edge follows shortly thereafter with a twisting dive off the cage which takes out Matt and Christian. Those two eventually climb out over the top, and are hanging on the side when Edge and Jeff smack into the cage wall inside the ring, sending the two hanging outside to he floor. The two hit at the same time, so the match must continue. Jeff climbs over the wall, but is met outside by Christian, who blocks him from reaching the floor by seating him on his shoulders. This allows Edge to crawl out the door and win the match. Kane & Tori try to leave but they are stopped by the Helmsleys. Kane is still scheduled for a match tonight. - KANE vs. THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS A quickie, which the Outlaws win easily. Stephanie suggests they book the Big Show in a handicap match against the Big Bossman and Prince Albert. Triple H says all the Big Show's matches are handicap matches. Ooh ... these guys are EVIL. Now the doll works, which maybe helps its sales, but just adds to the whole humiliation of the thing not working earlier. - THE BIG SHOW vs. THE BIG BOSSMAN/PRINCE ALBERT If either man pins the Big Show, the Bossman becomes champ. What's Albert's motivation again? That strange orange glow interrupts the Big Show's entrance. Could have sworn I hear "survive if I let you!" amidst all the garbled noise. The Show destroys the two with chokeslams en route to the pin, hopefully putting to rest his feud with the Bossman. Stephanie, high on power, says she'd like to see a Tag Title match. The Outlaws protest, saying they already wrestled tonight. Stephanie insists, and Triple H sticks up for his woman. When asked their opponents, Stephanie suggests Triple H ... and Test. - THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS vs. TRIPLE H/TEST The question here is would Triple H actually cooperate with Test, or would he turn on him. The answer seems obvious. Stephanie roots for Test, throwing us off for a bit. The inevitable occurs, though, as Triple H turns on Test, and all of D-X take turns beating on him (including Stephanie, who lays in some slaps as the others hold him down). The show ends with the new and improved D-X up on the stage posing and crotch-chopping away. - This Thursday: Nothing announced. - Next week: Nothing announced. Comments: A great show up until the last third or so. Then it started to lose steam, with the ending coming off totally flat. You have to give the heels their day every so often, but such finishes are always a bit of a bummer. You think Vince might call on the Undertaker for help in getting back at Triple H? Just a thought. The show featured a new Titan-Tron this week. There are four metal ... things ... which curve up from the stage and attach to the screen. There are also two smaller screens, one on either side of the main one, which flash things like "RAW is WAR". ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Bottom Line: I'm out of gas. Let's call it a week. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Slobberknocker Central" and "Monday Night Recap" are copyright 1999 by John Petrie, and all opinions expressed therein are his own, and not those of "USLink". Check the "Slobberknocker Central" main page for info on how to receive the "Recap" free via E-Mail every week. Volume One, Number 213 of the "Monday Night Recap", December 13th, 1999.