Slobberknocker Central Monday Night Recap #208 November 8th, 1999 The Opening Word: I've a few things on my mind this week, so I'm going to ramble quite a bit before getting to the Recap proper. Skip down if you don't want to read. Are Vince Russo and Ed Ferrara copying the WWF's ideas? What if they were the ones who thought up those ideas in the WWF in the first place? Nonetheless, ideas created while in the employ of the WWF become the WWF's ideas, don't they? That's one of a million debates raging these days as Vince Russo (and maybe Ed Ferrara--hell, who knows exactly what he does in WCW. Maybe makes Vince's coffee for all we know) looks to revitalize WCW by using ideas first tried in the WWF. "WCW can't be copying the WWF," say WCW defenders, employees and shills, "because those ideas are being done by the same guys. Vince Russo and Ed Ferrara can't copy Vince Russo and Ed Ferrara!" The hell they can't--they've done it for three weeks now! See, what gets me about this whole argument is that WCW is engaging in the outright copying of ideas from the WWF, but they have a tidy loophole they can point to when declaring their innocence: the ideas are being done by the same writers, so it can't be copying. Yeah, right. I've seen someone make the comparison that if one sports team hires the coach away from another sports team, and that coach runs the same offense, then no one would accuse that team of copying the other team. Well, aside from this being a fairly stupid analogy, it conveniently ducks the reality of the issue here. This isn't just a coach going from one team to another and taking his playbook with him. No, what we're looking at is far broader than that. Suppose a coach jumped to a new team, then changed everything about that team: playbook, uniforms, mascot, cheeleaders, theme music, look and style of TV coverage, etc., so that it looked almost identical to his old team. If that were the case, I'd say yeah, you could make the case that the one team is copying the other. Although It's easy to absolve the TEAM of making the changes by blaming the MANAGER, isn't it? A better example would be if a writer of a TV show left to write for another show, and in the course of writing for the new show, wrote the same stories over again, involving the same characters (only played by different actors). Oh sure, the names are changed to prevent lawsuits and such, but it's still the same stories, same characters, same ideas ... What irks me about this debate is that I've yet to hear anyone exactly define, in precise detail, just exactly which angles, gimmicks, characters, storylines, and production techniques it's okay for Vince and Ed to recycle, and which ones would be outright theft. See, I have my doubts regarding Vince and Ed having invented EVERYTHING we've seen on WWF TV for the last three years. Did Vince & Ed create the Godfather gimmick? Did they invent "Crash TV"? Did they come up with the notion of featuring people WALKING backstage after each match? Was showcasing T&A in the WWF the sole idea of Vince Russo and Ed Ferrara? I'm sure there's plenty of hard-working employees still in the WWF who might dispute the idea that every curve, line and nuance of the artform that is RAW was crafted by Russo & Ferrara. When will WCW be issuing the "Vince & Ed Handbook", detailing all the marvelous things they came up with for the WWF, and are thus fair game to be rehashed in WCW? The funny thing is so far they haven't really gone so far as to steal anything outright. The biggest thing they've done is bring about a stylistic change which makes Nitro, via "Crash TV" segments, look a lot like RAW. The formula is simple: start with an occurrence in the back (interview, confrontation, arrival at the building, etc.) ... show a three minute match (usually with a run-in finish) ... cut to the back to show someone walking ... commercial break ... repeat. You vary the flow by sometimes showing two matches in a stretch, or none at all, and show varying numbers of clips from different locations in the building. Events early in the show build to what happens later in the show. The pace is kept fast, yet somewhat loose, so that you can counterprogram against what's going on over on the other channel. That may sound like a vague formula, and one the WWF shouldn't be able to claim to be solely theirs, but for the longest time the above closely described what you'd see each week on RAW, while bearing little resemblance to the slower, more deliberate pace of Nitro. Vince & Ed changed all that. What they did was take the approach used for the WWF's show, and apply it to Nitro. And it's that overall change in look and feel of the show, along with numerous other small changes, which makes Nitro look like a watered down version of RAW. It's this change which many feel is indicative of WCW "copying" the WWF. It was easily recognizable, and has been the subject of derision by both loyal WWF fans and disappointed WCW fans who don't like the change. The morning following the first Russo & Ferrara Nitro fans were nearly unanimous in remarking that the show--good or bad--now looked a whole lot like RAW. The resemblance would be even stronger the next two weeks. The problem is, there's that loophole I mentioned above. WCW now has the WWF's former writers, so it's all supposedly okay. WCW defenders were quick to strike out at those who observed that WCW was copying the WWF, for fear that such an accusation would ... would ... hell, you got me--why deny the obvious? Are semantics really that important? Is it so crucial that the slightest shred of taint, such as an accusation of "copying the competition", be negated with such a shaky, bogus excuse as "well, it's the same writers, so it can't be copying." It's not like we're talking about steroids or drugs or Sable finding poop in her gym bag or Owen Hart dying. Are the ultra-loyal WCW fans so stung by this "accusation" (which is really nothing more than an observation of something that is very obvious), that they have to pull out an imaginary rule book and defend their company of choice (and, I suppose, themselves) with such a weak technicality? It's not as if copying the WWF is inherently bad. It just depends on what you're copying, and how well you do it. Imagine this scenario: suppose WCW did the show we've seen the last three weeks, but not because they had Russo & Ferrara in their employ, but because that's simply the show that was written by Kevin Nash, Dusty Rhodes, Kevin Sullivan, or whoever. Now ... given how similar Nitro suddenly was to RAW, and bearing in mind that they didn't have the WWF's writers ... would you accuse WCW of copying the WWF? I think the fair and honest answer to that would be "yes". Remember that when weighing WCW's intent and motives in hiring Russo & Ferrara. They wanted to copy the WWF's success. The easiest way to do that was copy the WWF's style. WCW's solution? Hire the WWF's writers to give them a near-perfect copy of what the WWF does on a weekly basis. A damn brilliant strategy if you ask me. But that's NOT copying the WWF? C'mon! You know what, though? Who cares. I'll concede the argument. Let's all plant tongue firmly in cheek, cross our fingers behind our backs, and agree with the WCW faithful in proclaiming all kosher because "Vince Russo and Ed Ferrara can't copy Vince Russo and Ed Ferrara!" There, can you WCW folk all sleep better now? With that out of the way, let me ask this ... Why is it these people are okay with Vince & Ed trying to save WCW by recycling their old ideas? Actually, I already know the answer to this. To quote Bob Ryder and others, who have pretty much backpedaled on two years worth of WWF criticisms: "You can't argue with success." Yeah, when the WWF did this stuff, it was BAD. But now WCW is doing it, and it gets ratings, so it's GOOD. Oh, they might throw out a token complaint here and there about how WCW may have crossed the line in such-and-such angle, but you know deep down that they were giddy as schoolgirls when Vince & Ed's debut show went up a full ratings point in the head-to-head hours. Their joy magnified when, the following week, Nitro went up a little bit more. (The fact that the WWF's ratings also went up that week were pretty much ignored.) Russo & Ferrara's success was trumpeted. They were hailed as conquering heroes. Bold predictions were made that Nitro would be winning quarter hours in their third week, and by the end of the year they will have ended RAW's winning streak. Week Three: Nitro lost nearly half the ratings gains they had made the previous two weeks, while RAW rose for the second week in a row, and pulled in its highest ratings in several weeks. "It's a fluke!" cried the WCW defenders. "It doesn't mean anything. You can't judge these things by just three weeks." This from the same people who had RAW dead and buried by Nitro before the end of the year--based solely on two weeks worth of ratings. Who knows what'll happen in Week Four. Maybe Nitro will post significant gains again. Or maybe they'll take another half-point tumble, and be right back in the hole they were in when Vince & Ed stepped in. Me, I'm still chuckling over the irony of WCW needing two WWF writers and a recent WWF Superstar (Jeff Jarrett) to turn their fortunes around. How many times now has WCW relied on this tactic in the last five years? And speaking of which ... Like sands through an hourglass ... Terry Taylor has left the WWF. Taylor, who just left WCW earlier this year because of a personal conflict behind the scenes with Eric Bischoff (and, as I understand it, a nasty work-related complaint of some sort pending against him), gave up a rather significant position in WCW to come to the WWF. He now leaves the WWF to go back to WCW to ... wait for it ... book house shows. Pride can make people do stupid things. Well, maybe stupid is a harsh word. After all, for all Taylor's enthusiasm about coming to the WWF, he never did bother to move from his home in Atlanta. Taylor was one of those many people who decided to fly in every week to wherever the WWF was touring, and as has happened to many of those people, he eventually faced the inevitable decision: move, or quit. So Taylor quit. Also playing into his decision was the fact that Vince McMahon wouldn't make him head writer, replacing the recently-departed Russo & Ferrara. McMahon himself holds that position right now, as he considers possible candidates to eventually take over that role. Taylor didn't want to be one of the number of people floating ideas to McMahon, he wanted to call all the shots. McMahon said no. So Taylor quit. Also figuring into things was Taylor's stand against signing a no-compete clause. It's funny to hear some people bash the WWF actions here as being ridiculous, when some of those same people bashed the WWF for not having their writers and production people under contract to begin with, which is what lead to Russo, Ferrara and Bill Banks all leaving. I guess some people just need things to complain about. (By the way Terry, that stack of papers you have to sign on your way back into WCW, don't be surprised if there's some language in there somewhere saying if you sign here, you can't go to work for the competition for a certain amount of time should you, in the future, quit or be fired. Sound familiar?) Some are really trying to paint Taylor's departure as a big deal. The P.R. value to WCW aside, I don't see that as being the case. I'm sorry to see him leave, as I thought he was an asset in his recurring on-camera role of backstage interviewer. And his absence means another gap has to be plugged in the WWF power structure (which I'm sure has already been filled as I write this). But while I wish him luck in WCW, I'm not really sure what the move accomplished him. Okay, so he's back home. And maybe he's getting more money (which is debatable--haven't heard anything on that yet). As for the job, though, every indication is that he now has less power than he did in the WWF, which was a job which probably saw him have less power than he had in WCW before that. Two career moves this year, and both saw him go down on the corporate ladder. At best he's maybe back where he started. Far be it from me to suggest he sell his soul and become a corporate slave for the WWF, but there's a part of me that can't help think that had Terry moved north of the Mason-Dixon line, and had signed the WWF no-compete contract, and simply bided his time, he may well have gotten everything he wanted in the end. I can understand him leaving if some kind of bad blood developed between he and others in the WWF, or if he was being forced to take a pay cut, or had been demoted, and had his duties diminished, something along those lines. From the looks of things, though, he left because of a few minor things which conflicted with his personal integrity and pride. A real skeptic might say he threw a hissy fit at not being promoted, and that he was really afraid of something by being so bothered by a no-compete clause. After all, what's the big deal if there was little chance of you being fired to begin with? It just seems to me that with Russo, Ferrara and Banks out of the picture, the WWF wasn't exactly in the position to be firing anyone for a while. There was plenty of room for advancement. The fact that the WWF didn't budge on the issue probably says a lot about their read of his feeling on the issue. Maybe they had doubts about his being a loyal "team player"? Maybe Taylor did have reasons to eye that no-compete clause with suspicion. Bear in mind it took an almost total turnover in WCW management to open the door for him to go back there. I doubt he'll be so lucky if things fall through again, and he goes knocking on the WWF's door. Had Taylor lost his position with the WWF, at least he'd have been able to go to WCW after a year. Now, if things go bad in WCW, what chance does he have to go back to the WWF? (I suppose there's always the indy circuit, or ECW.) He may have traded a year for his whole career. In any event, I guess I respect Taylor for sticking to his guns, but I can't say much good about his business sense. (My brother, by the way, couldn't be more pleased. He's always had this goofy theory that Taylor came to the WWF to secretly funnel information back to WCW. I'd laugh, if it weren't for the fact that Russo, Ferrara, Banks and Jeff Jarrett all suddenly left, and now Taylor has followed them. Hmmm.) You know, for a company that's supposed to be cutting costs, WCW sure seems intent on hiring anyone they can from the WWF. And on a related note, Dusty Rhodes quit WCW. Seems he wanted more money, and took a shot at becoming head booker. It didn't work. So Rhodes quit. Yeah, pride can make people do stupid things. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WCW Monday Nitro: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Three Hours+. Location: Indianapolis, Indiana. HOUR ONE Hosted By: Tony Schiavone and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. - Sid's in the production truck, ordering some poor schmoe to play a tape on his cue. - ... and now he's in the ring. Did he just say "the Outsiders aren't as dumb as I look!" Oh, "the Outsiders, I'm not as dumb as I look!" Even worse. They're actually paying this guy money? Sid throws out "screw" without it getting bleeped. He then talks about Goldberg, as part of a storyline everyone lost interest in weeks ago. The tape is played, showing he and Goldberg (in black & white, because of all the blood), locked up in the ring. Suddenly a very obviously dubbed voice says "I quit! I quit" Then the match was stopped and the Rock awarded the WWF Championship. No, wait--the Outsiders come out. Scott Hall is wearing the U.S. Title belt, and a Walter Payton jersey. Hall mentions the "Clique". Bret Hart wanders out and says that belt belongs to Goldberg. Then Goldberg comes out and clears the ring. More talking ensues, but I'm too busy noting that all these top stars are squabbling over the *U.S.* belt to give it much notice. I couldn't imagine Steve Austin, the Rock, Triple H and Mankind all squabbling over the Intercontinental Title at this point in their careers. - Sting shares with Mike Tenay his thoughts on Lex Luger's shenanigans last week. And there's Lex, sneaking into the building with Liz. - After a look at David Flair's body double getting run over by a car, they show Kimberly asking Doug Dellinger to get her some extra security. Doug does, instead of detaining her so that the police can take her into custody for her attempted vehicular homicide. Kevin Nash shows Scott Hall his manager's license, which he has framed and everything. This is so compelling, WCW cuts away in mid-sentence to plug sponsors. - The Filthy Animals hit the ring. Torrie Wilson is wearing an outfit that's illegal in seven states. Konan, for some reason, has these goofy-ass buck teeth which will prove to be a distraction for this entire piece. Those aren't his real teeth, are they?! They sing their little nursery rhymes, with Rey Mysterio wrapping things up with his "we'll hump you like the dogs you are!" bit (which doesn't get bleeped). Dean Malenko and Asya come out. Dean challenges Rey (who he accuses of faking a leg injury) and Torrie to a mixed-tag match. KONAN'S FREAKING ME OUT!!! - NORMAN SMILEY vs. KIDMAN Smiley's wearing hockey gear. Brian Knobbs comes out to deliver color commentary. He then works over Smiley with a hockey stick, as the Animals (approvingly) and the ref look on. Rolled back in, Kidman covers him for the pin. Schiavone laughs, and says this is all the exciting handiwork of the new Powers That Be. I'm starting to warm to Smiley's gimmick, it's just too bad that the inevitable result is matches against the likes of Brian Knobbs. Why is WCW putting out an album when none of their wrestlers have theme songs the company owns? Geez, just fill it with songs from Kid Rock, Medageth, Insane Clown Posse and Metallica, then sit back and brag if/when out outsells "WWF the Music: Vol. 4". It's got its work cut out for it, though: the WWF's disc has already gone platinum. Sting wants Luger. Luger's hiding in the laundry room. David "Gimpy" Flair has arrived, crowbar in hand. - As Nash is being fitted for a multi-colored turban (huh?), several riot geared security guards pass in the hallway. Hall runs out after them. - Sting hits the ring and gives Luger 30 seconds to come out. Liz comes out, followed soon after by Luger. Luger apologizes for what happened last week. Sting, faking a hug, grabs him by the neck and says if he ever swerves him again, he'll rip his throat out. Luger's eyes go as big as saucers. Kimberly enters her dressing room (damn, she's a hottie). Why is there a cameraman already in there? Perverts. Then the lights go out, and David Flair tells her everything will be okay. She won't feel a thing. Cut to Schiavone, who reacts with all the concern of ... well, none at all. He actually just smirks and plugs cans of Surge with pictures of WCW wrestlers on them "But Tony," exclaimed my Brother and myself, "there's a woman being assaulted backstage!" I guess once you admit everything is scripted, there's no point in reacting to anything with emotions other than admiration for the writing skills of the Powers That Be. - MADUSA vs. CHRIS BENOIT Benoit's the consummate pro to be able to go through with this, but you know that deep down he's about as comfortable with this "sports entertainment" match as a bridegroom in his wedding tuxedo. Benoit wrestles rings around her, to her frustration. She then nails a standing huracanrana. Back up, Benoit ducks a kick. He whips her into the corner and drops her with a knife-edge chop. Hey, this isn't bad! Then Evan Karagias comes out to complain to the ref. Referee Johnny Boone, a wrestler in his own right, won't take no guff, and the two come to blows. Jeff Jarrett is then in to protest Benoit's rough treatment of the woman. They come to blows. Benoit gets the better of him, and the ref throws out the match, declaring Benoit the winner. Well, that was good for the minute or so it lasted. Jarrett says again that this is the WWF, so they don't beat on women. Madusa kicks him out of the ring. Jarrett then says he screwed her out of the WCW Title Tournament. Chavo Guerrero has his chance to talk to the Powers That Be (as Creative Control look on). Vince Russo (again off camera) says Chavo's opportunity is in the briefcase in front of him. Chavo opens it, only to find Amway material. Russo tells him to hit the bricks. Add another to the anti-PTB army. - "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan has been put to work scrubbing the PTB's toilet. - RICK STEINER vs. DISCO INFERNO That scrawny kid comes out again, carrying a bucket of ready-mix. He says his name is "Tony Marinara" (ooh ... saucy!), and that he wants his money back. Yes, his gimmick is that he's a Stereotypical Italian Mafia Goon: a *98 Pound* Stereotypical Italian Mafia Goon. Steiner knocks out Disco with the bucket of concrete and covers for the pin. The inference is if Disco doesn't pay Marinara his money, he'll be waking in cement overshoes, sleeping wit da fishies. I thought only ECW could come up with a gimmick this dumb. Sting and Goldberg warm up for their match. - Hall has the riot police, who had originally been called to protect Kimberly. Nash walks in, dressed as the Grand Wizard of Wrestling. Wow. Nothing like going over the heads of 99.9% of the wrestling fans. I mean, *I* know who the Grand Wizard of Wrestling is, but I doubt I've ever even seen any video of him in action. The Grand Wizard was a manager back in the 70's. I think I have a shot of him in my Picture Gallery with "Superstar" Billy Graham, who he managed to the WWWF Championship (no typo, that's the "World WIDE Wrestling Federation") back in 1977. I believe he died several years ago, and was posthumously entered into the WWF Hall of Fame (which pissed off a lot of the older wrestlers like Bruno Sammartino). I think. Talk about an obscure subject to make fun of. Since this and "funny" aren't even in the same time zone, I'll move on. Hall thinks they should patch things up with Sid. - "Mean" Gene is out with all the Nitro Girl Search finalists. AC Jazz comes out and chases them off. Spice comes out and the "catfight" ensues. Eh. - Kimberly, being filmed in dramatic suspense film type fashion, is hiding behind a steel beam in the boiler room. David Flair, in the distance, is searching for her. "Hey, Dave, just look for the cameraman standing there in PLAIN VIEW!" - The lights dim, and spooky music plays. Here comes Dustin Rhodes, floating on wires above the crowd. (I wonder what Bret Hart thinks of that?) Dustin, face painted white, dressed in a black trenchcoat and cowboy hat, lands next to the ring. Then he speaks, immediately "shooting" on the Powers That Be by saying this gimmick was every bit as stupid as Goldust. This, he says, is why he left the WWF. They can take this gimmick, named "Seven" (spelled "7even"), along with Goldust, and stick it up their asses. They won't disrespect him, like they did his dad Dusty, who the Powers That Be fired last week, which was "a load of shit." (Hmm, was Rhodes really fired? I smell a work.) He's going to make life in WCW a living hell, and says we won't forget the name of Dustin Rhodes. Shouldn't that be Dustin Runnels? I know we're supposed to associate the dumb gimmick with the WWF, but didn't he already do THIS angle too--throwing down the dumb gimmick--in the WWF? (Remember when he threw the Goldust costume in a fire?) Copy, or rehash: you decide. Funny thing, I actually like the outfit, though the white facepaint has to go. Kimberly and the cameraman hide in a darkened room. Oh no, there's David! HOUR TWO Hosted By: Tony Schiavone and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. - Nash is knocking on Sid's door. No response. Luger seems pleased with some plan he's cooked up. - STING vs. GOLDBERG Given the big face pop Sting gets coming out, we may just as well assume that's what he is from now on. A few kicks lead to a sleeperhold. Luger and Liz come out. With the referee out of the way (bumped into by Sting and Goldberg), Luger sprays Mace in Sting's eyes. Goldberg does his usual and scores the win. Nash & Hall apologize to Sid. They give him their two security guards, just in case Goldberg comes calling. Rick Steiner then barges in, wanting some answers about what went down last week. Sid says they'll talk later. Lex and Liz pass Duggan, who is now mopping the floor. Luger then gets a funny look on his face and tip-toes over to one of those tall "wet floor" cones. - Kimberly comes across a security guard, who just happens to David Flair. David obviously has the "Voorhees Unreality Engine" (named in honor of the Jason character from the "Friday the 13th" movies), which allows him to--when off camera--teleport in front of his fleeing victims. Vampiro tells Mike Tenay that being a Misfit is a lifestyle. I've gotten a ton of mail on the Misfits in the last week. I hadn't realized that the group WCW was talking about was the same as the punk band fronted by Glen Danzig years ago. The general consensus I've gotten is that without Danzig, the group sucks. I couldn't say either way, not having heard much of their old stuff, and none of their new. What I don't get is why WCW couldn't have just pulled four scrubs from the Power Plant and given them to Vampiro? At least then we'd know they could WRESTLE. Maybe. Of course my reader feedback isn't exactly a scientific sampling of all the fans. - BUFF BAGWELL vs. VAMPIRO (w/ the Misfits) The Misfits attack Bagwell before the bell. Not much here, as Berlyn comes out quickly and nails Vampiro with a chain-wrapped fist. Buff hits the Blockbuster for the win. Berlyn and his bodyguard then stomp on the Misfits, until Creative Control come out to exert some discipline for allowing Bagwell to advance in the tournament. Luger is down on the concrete, having slipped on some water. The "wet floor" cone is nearby. - EMT's check Luger over, but can't find anything wrong with him. - BRET "HITMAN" HART vs. SATURN (w/ the Revolution) Shane Douglas sits in on color commentary, and he and Heenan engage in a mutual admiration society. Slow mat wrestling for the first few minutes. Asya jumps on the apron an ties up the ref. Douglas comes in and nails Hart with his cast. Saturn does the Death Valley Driver, and covers for the pin, but Bret kicks out at two. Bret is sent to the floor, where he's stomped by Dean Malenko. Chris Benoit then comes out to help Bret. Saturn takes those two down with a plancha from the ring. Back in he meets a Sharpshooter from Hart, and taps out. Only about five minutes, but easily the only decent match on the show thus far. Kimberly, desperate to see the Powers That Be, is denied entry by Creative Control. I guess these guys aren't "Reasonable Creative Control". Nash tries to take Hall's mind off things by cracking a joke. In Johnny Carson fashion he asks "what is '3:16?'" "The number of times the Undertaker has worked a PPV main event with Austin." Hall laughs, then asks if that's true. "I've been drunk for an entire year, Bro!" - Luger bemoans his injured knee. I think Russo has a strategy whereby each week he will pick one wrestler or group of wrestlers and jam them down our throats. A few weeks ago it was the Filthy Animals. Last week it was Nash. This week it's Luger. - Booker T. is out to shoot on the Powers That Be. Oh, for the love of ... Booker says Stevie Ray has been suspended. This leads to a challenge to Creative Control and Jeff Jarrett. BOOKER T. vs. CREATIVE CONTROL (w/ Jeff Jarrett) The censors keep muting "slapnuts". Booker actually holds his own, bringing in Jarrett and his guitar. Then some big black women runs in. Jarrett absolutely destroys her with the guitar. He and Creative Control leave. Schiavone, in order to keep the lame "this isn't the WWF--we don't beat on women" thing going, plays up that this was justifiable self defense. Malenko, Asya, Torrie and Mysterio all make their way through the back. - Nash is in a hallway with the security guards, going through a pantomime instructing them what to do if Goldberg shows up. Mike Tenay informs Luger that injury or not, he wrestles Sid tonight. - TORRIE WILSON/REY MYSTERIO, JR. vs. ASYA/DEAN MALENKO Torrie picks up that WWF tradition of coming out in a dress she can barely walk in, much less wrestle. Asya immediately handcuffs Torrie in the corner. She and Dean then proceed to destroy Rey Rey. A few token moves aside, Rey falls easy victim to the Texas Cloverleaf. A quick look at Sid and his security guards. - Kimberly is on the verge of a nervous breakdown in the showers. Suddenly the water starts running, and out walks crazy David with his crowbar. And there's the Sheriff, who puts three slugs in David's chest! He walks Kimberly out to his squad car. "It's all right," says the Sheriff, "the bad man has gone bye-bye." David suddenly pops up in the back seat and clubs the Sheriff over the head. The Sheriff slumps over the wheel, the car horn blaring away. Kimberly scrambles out the passenger door, losing a shoe and falling to the ground. She looks up, and David is standing there by the rear bumper. He raises the crowbar, and ... and ... I wake up. Where was I? HOUR THREE Hosted By: Tony Schiavone and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. - SID VICIOUS vs. LEX LUGER (w/ Elizabeth) Luger, in a wheelchair, says he can't wrestle. Sting comes out, moves Liz aside, and wheels Luger to ringside, where he dumps him. Luger cowers in the corner as Sid stomps on him. Liz comes in to help and Luger hides behind her. Sid moves her aside and continues the stomping. Then Goldberg runs in (the security guards do nothing) and spears Sid. Luger offers his hand in thanks, and Goldberg spears him too. Looks like the guards were another Outsiders setup. - BRIAN KNOBBS (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. BAM BAM BIGELOW Norman Smiley joins the announce team. The action quickly spills to the floor, through the crowd, and to the back. Smiley tags along to do commentary, and is pretty funny on the stick ("this is severe violence here!") Hart tries to interfere and gets dropped in a dumpster. A garbage can shot to Knobbs and Smiley declares "that's it, his career is over!" Kimberly then comes in and drags Bigelow away (Bigelow being a fellow Triad member with Diamond Dallas Page and all). Knobbs wins the match ... by countout? Smiley seizes the opportunity to drag Knobbs in a dumpster across the parking area. Goofy, but fun. The Outsiders, with several security guards, are on the move. - Bigelow is looking for Flair. - SCOTT HALL vs. LASH LEROUX I should mention that tonight's main event will be a "Texas Tornado Ladder Match" between Goldberg, Sid, Scott Hall and Bret Hart for the U.S. Title. Talk about overkill. The match will have a mystery referee, which at this point Heenan begins speculating that perhaps it will be someone from another wrestling organization. If that isn't a shameful cry out for ratings, I don't know what is. My Brother and I figure it'll be Terry Taylor. The longest squash in history ends with Hall nailing the Outsider's Edge. The guards slowly leave the ring, save for one. "Stone Cold" removes his helmet, then tackles Vince McMahon to the mat. I mean Goldberg knocks a handful of powder into Nash's eyes, spears Hall to the mat, then spears Nash as well. Hard to believe anyone didn't see this coming hours before, but the live crowd seemed surprised. - CURT HENNIG vs. JEFF JARRETT They recap the whole deal where the PTB have decreed if Hennig is pinned to the mat, his career is over. This match gives "predictable" a bad name, when Creative Control eventually come out and work over Hennig (going so far as to slam him through the announce table). Jarrett advances, though Hennig is happy because he didn't lose by pinfall. Kimberly ... walking. I take back what I said earlier: EVERYONE is being shoved down our throats tonight! - Kimberly comes out and calls out Flair. David gets about halfway to the ring when he's jumped from behind by Bigelow. Somehow he not only isn't stomped into mush, but he actually takes out Bigelow with the crowbar. Kimberly runs away through the crowd, with David creeping behind her. - Kimberly reaches her car, but has all kinds of trouble unlocking the door. A second camera tapes the limping David from a low, zombie film angle. Back to the car, Kimberly gets in and lays across the seat. Cut to a completely new camera angle (the cut presumably allowing Kimberly to get out of the car) showing David jumping to the roof of the car and bashing in the windows. Cut to Creative Control appearing. Cut back to the car and David running away. Kimberly, back in the car, crawls out into the waiting hands of Creative Control, who say she can now talk to the Powers That Be. - SCOTT HALL vs. SID vs. BRET "HITMAN" HART vs. GOLDBERG Kevin Nash is the special referee, which puts all of WCW's top tier talent (except Sting and Luger) into the ring. Everyone is fighting before Nash and his bad knees can get to the ring. Goldberg whacks a few people with the ladder. Things then get hectic, with Rick Steiner running in, Nash coming up with a crowbar somehow, and ultimately Hart climbing the ladder to grab the suspended U.S. Title belt. Rather than declare him the winner, however, Nash whacks him and takes the belt away. He then holds it at the top of the ladder for Hall to grab. He does, and we have a new U.S. Champion. Very rushed match, with the show ending right at the top of the hour (five minutes earlier than usual). - This Thursday: Nothing announced. - Next week: Hart vs. Kidman. Sting vs. Luger. Benoit vs. Hall. Bagwell vs. Jarrett. Comments: I appreciate the improvement in the flow of the show, but they've got to do something to adjust the "Crash TV" formula to accommodate a three hour show. Thirty second angles and three minute matches are too much, too fast, to absorb for a full three hours. I was worn out after two. There were a lot of the backstage clips that could have been combined, lengthened, or done away with altogether. One of their solutions has been to do repeated segments with the same people, whether they be top level stars of mid-level scrubs. Do they really need to cut thirty seconds or a minute from a match just to show Nash cracking a joke, or David Flair limping down a hallway? There should also be some kind of payoff if they intend to string a number of these clips along. The numerous shots of Nash as the Grand Wizard didn't lead anywhere. And the Kimberly/Flair clips: the payoff was an announcement by Schiavone, during the main event, that those two would square off at the PPV. Yee-haa. At least the Luger clips set up what ultimately took place in his match. So what did I like this week? Hart's match with Saturn, and some of Norman Smiley's antics. That was about it. Nothing outright sucked, but how could it--everything went by too fast! (Yet the show felt like every minute of its three hour length.) For every time someone said "Powers That Be", someone screwed up and said "Powers To Be". No matter how you spell it, the initials are still "PTB", and I expect to be typing that a whole lot in the weeks to come. Besides the tournament final matches, we have the following announced for Mayhem: * Goldberg vs. Sid. "I Quit Match". * Vampiro vs. Berlyn. "Chain Match". * Norman Smiley vs. Brian Knobbs. "Hardcore Title Match". * David Flair vs. Kimberly. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WWF RAW is WAR: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Two Hours+. Location: State College, Pennsylvania. WWF RAW Hosted By: Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler. - The show starts with "Stone Cold" Steve Austin making his way to the ring. He, like everyone else, would like to know when Vince McMahon hit him last week, if it was an accident, or if it was on purpose? He calls out the boss. Vince McMahon receives the "asshole!" chant, the fans having already decided it was on purpose. McMahon tries his best to convince Austin that it was just a mistake. Perhaps his being the special guest referee at the Survivor Series main event will assuage Austin. (Huh? Why?) McMahon has mic problems, which Austin solves by chucking it down the aisle. McMahon gripes that mic cost him $10,000. The Rock comes out to offer his two cents. Another bad mic, and another toss by Austin. His hitting Austin with a sledgehammer at the last PPV is brought up, which McMahon offers as proof that anyone can make a mistake. Triple H then comes out and runs all three of them down verbally. Hot segment, but nothing really comes of it. Road Dogg has one of those banned Al Snow figures, and he and Mr. Ass tell Snow and Mankind how offensive it is. - THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS vs. MANKIND/AL SNOW Road Dogg promises to take the Tag Titles off their opponents like Wal-Mart took Al Snow's figure off their shelves. Nothing to note early in the match, other than a cutaway to the back, where McMahon mutters a warning about D-X interfering in tonight's matches. Snow has the match won, but a run-in attack on Mankind by Val Venis gets the ref looking the wrong way. The Outlaws waffle Snow with the chair, and cover for the pin, winning the Tag Team Titles for the umpteenth time. Anyone else sick of this title changing hands? What about the fact that it keeps spiraling away from the really good tag teams, like the Hardyz, or Edge & Christian? - Michael Cole tries to get comments from D-X. They send him packing. Triple H then shows us his ass, for old time's sake I guess. Triple H has a big ass. Not fat, just big. Kevin Kelly is with Mankind and Al Snow. Snow is despondent over losing the Tag Team Titles. The Wal-Mart thing has him really depressed, and his mother is worried about him. - THE GODFATHER (w/ Ho's) vs. VAL VENIS The Godfather offers the Ho's, and Val seems to accept, but at the last moment he clobbers him from behind. A minute or so into the match Mankind comes out and chases Val off, ending the match in a countout. Referee Tim White is once again mobbed by the Ho's. - Michael Hayes (didn't he leave for Atlanta too?) has a chat with Stephanie McMahon, Shane McMahon and Test. Shane says he approves of the marriage and shakes hands with Test. - In honor of the Big Show's deceased father, they begin a ten bell salute. It is interrupted, however, by the arrival of the Big Bossman, who gives us this bit of inspired poetry: "With the deepest regrets, and tears that are soaked, I'm sorry to hear that your dad finally croaked. He lived a full life on his own terms. Soon he'll be buried and eaten by worms. But if I could have a son as stupid as you, I'd have wished for cancer so I would die too. So be brave and be strong, get your life on track, Cuz the old bastard's dead and he ain't never comin' back!" Now, I thought "THAT'S how you kill off an angle!" It didn't even hit me, until late Tuesday, that they'd used the "sacred" ten bell salute as part of the selling job. Probably a bit late to express any kind of outrage on my part, since it didn't bother me at the time. That hasn't stopped many others, though. Seems this storyline can't get any kind of break. (I hear Bret Hart was so mad that he went on the Howard Stern radio show and accused Vince McMahon of being a homosexual. Zoiks!) The WWF's problem here is that this whole storyline, they tried to make it too "real". Sick and/or dying family members is a subject most wrestling fans would rather not be touched upon. Jim Ross drew a lot of heat a few weeks ago when his reaction to the faux announcement of the Show's father's death looked too genuine. And now this. I think the WWF was looking to hurriedly end the storyline by finally "killing off" the Show's father, but in doing so they went ahead and shot themselves in the foot again. While I agree with a lot of the negative sentiments against this whole story, I wish I could believe most of the outrage I've seen aimed against it was genuine. Seeing the same people express shock and outrage so often lends one to believe that they're just on the look out for things in the WWF to be shocked and outraged about. This was a pretty boneheaded move on the WWF's part, though, no doubt about that. Hopefully this is the end of it (*he says nervously, eyeing this week's SmackDown! results*). - Kurt Angle promo. Looks like he's going to be an arrogant heel, playing up his "real athlete" image. That ought to ruffle some feathers. A quick look at the Rock, who faces X-Pac later tonight. - EDGE/CHRISTIAN/HEAD BANGERS vs. BRITISH BULLDOG/MEAN STREET POSSE The Posse is wearing Minnesota Gophers stuff to cheese off the Penn State crowd (Minnesota beat Penn State in college football two days earlier--a major upset). I thought this was a Survivor Series type match, but it turns out to be a regular eight-man tag, which the good guys win very quickly by pinning the human gorilla, Pete Gas. Looks like the WWF is going to school WCW in how to do short, meaningless matches this week. Vince and his Stooges get into another shouting match with D-X. - Chris Jericho cuts a pretaped promo on Chyna from nearby Beaver Stadium. Insert your own joke here. WWF WAR ZONE Hosted By: Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler. - THE ROCK vs. X-PAC This is the first match to go a reasonable length of time. The finish sees X-Pac have the Rock down, but there's no ref to make the count (Earl Hebner having been bumped a bit earlier). X-Pac has to continue working him over, at which point the rock pulls a Rock Bottom out of thin air and covers for the pin. The other members of D-X come out and stomp on the Rock. Vince McMahon then comes out and orders Triple H to defend the belt tonight against McMahon's future son-in-law, Test. Vince also names Shane as the referee, and he himself will serve as the guest timekeeper. No one else in D-X can get within 50 feet of the ring. Jim Ross speculates another Montreal Screwjob is in the works. 'Bout that time the Rock lays Triple H out, and drops the People's Elbow on him. - Triple H, backstage with D-X, worries that McMahon may have his number this time. - Chyna and Miss Kitty make their way to the ring. She's just launching into a tirade against Chris Jericho when out comes a singing Elvis impersonator. IT'S KEVIN NASH! No, it's Stevie Richards. Stevie's got on the Elvis jumpsuit, as well as a ridiculously oversized pompadour wig. He warbles a love tune to Chyna, which has her and Miss Kitty laughing. Chris Jericho then runs in, kicks Richards in the googlies, then goes toe-to-toe with Chyna. WWF officials flood the ring, and for the next minute or so we have a classic pull-apart brawl. - Faarooq and Bradshaw are in a local bar watching the show. A local hottie saunters over and starts hitting on them. Why do the WWF cameras keep following these two into bars? Al Snow is on the phone with his mother, continuing to play off the whole Wal-Mart thing. Mankind comes along and, to try and cheer him up, gives him a copy of "WWF The Music: Vol. 4" and Head. A bit of verbal bantering leads to Mankind reluctantly saying "yes, I'm going to give you head!" This being a game of theirs (read Mankind's book for the details), Snow is pleased to have gotten the upper hand. - THE BIG BOSSMAN vs. KANE Is it "Bossman", or "Boss Man"? Another quick match, which ends in DQ when Prince Albert runs in. Tori watched the match on a monitor in the back, furthering her storyline relationship with Kane. The bar girl's boyfriend doesn't care for the attention Faarooq and Bradshaw are heaping upon her. - D-X has a plan for McMahon. - THE HOLLYS vs. TOO COOL Bob Holly pins Scott Taylor in this, another short match. A loudmouthed local makes fun of Too Cool, then calls Faarooq a "fake wrestler". - Tempers fly, and so do the redneck bodies, back in the local bar. The Acolytes walk out with the girl. "No wonder Minnesota beat your ass!" THE ACOLYTES RULE!!! Stephanie gives her man Test that sappy, starry-eyed look. - TEST vs. TRIPLE H Slow start, with a lot of punches thrown. Vince interjects himself by throwing Triple H back in the ring after an escape attempt. The action spills to the floor a number of times, as Steve Austin and the Rock are separately shown watching the match backstage. Triple H eventually puts Test down with the Pedigree, but Shane is outside the ring and unable to make the count. Triple H comes out and plonks both he and Vince. Back into the ring they go, and Vince has the title belt in hand. He winds up, and clobbers Triple H (and not test, as the crowd expected). Test is laid on top. Shane comes in for the count, but Triple H kicks out at two and nine-tenths. Test then plants him with the Meltdown (pumphandle powerslam), followed by the big elbow off the top. The match is his to win, when ... ... Road Dogg appears on the Titan-Tron. Stephanie McMahon's name is mentioned, and the Dogg opens a door into a backstage room a crack, where we see what's supposed to be Stephanie being held on the floor (we can only see their legs). Test, Shane and Vince all tear off to the back. Triple H is announced the winner via countout. Backstage the three split up to look for Stephanie. Vince finds the room she was in, but no one's there now. The show ends with Triple H standing triumphantly in the ring. - This Thursday: Arnold Schwarzenegger invades SmackDown! - Next week: Nothing announced. Comments: PPV hype show and not much more. Only the second hour semi-main and main events were matches of note, and both were only OK at best. This is the full Survivor Series card, per the WWF's website for the PPV: * Triple H vs. "Stone Cold" Steve Austin vs. The Rock. "Triple Threat Match" for the WWF Championship. * Chyna vs. Chris Jericho. Intercontinental Title Match. * The New Age Outlaws vs. Mankind & Al Snow. Tag Team Title Match. * X-Pac vs. Kane. * The Hollys & Too Much vs. Edge & Christian & the Hardys. Survivor Series Elimination Match. * The Big Bossman, Prince Albert, Viscera & Mideon vs. the Big Show, Taka Michinoku, Sho Funaki & the Blue Meanie. Survivor Series Elimination Match. * Val Venis, Mark Henry, Gangrel & Steve Blackman vs. the British & the Mean Street Posse. Survivor Series Elimination Match. * The Godfather, D-Lo Brown & the Head Bangers vs. the Acolytes & the Dudley Boyz. Survivor Series Elimination Match. * Ivory, Jacqueline, Luna & Terri Runnels vs. Tori, Debra, the Fabulous Moolah & Mae Young. "One Fall/Sudden Death Match". * Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Stasiak. Damn, but that's a lot of matches. A couple of those are going to fly by, I'm sure. I'm not overly sold on this card. The main event should be good, while the Hollys/Hardyz/etc. Survivor Series match could steal the show. The rest, eh. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Bottom Line: I got a copy of Mick Foley's book Thursday. My local bookstore has quite a few copies, though they've apparently sold a good number of their stock. No discount on it, though, unlike most other new releases, so I had to shell out the $25 clams for it. The lady at the counter, she had a smile when she saw the book, and told the other lady behind the register "Mankind ... he's on tonight." The other clerk rolled her eyes. The first one went on, "I sure hope he and the Rock patch things up." It was all I could do to not laugh. (I would have ordered the book online at Amazon.com for $15, but I hear they've sold out, and will be getting a second print run in soon. Me, I'm one of those saps who'll pay a little more to get the first print.) I tore through it over the weekend, and was delighted to get quite a few laughs out of it. It's not "War and Peace", but it has its moments. I guess the most surprising thing I've learned is that Foley has a serious case of sex on the brain. Half the first few chapters are about striking out with women, and getting boners! He's really obsessed with penis size (and lets you know who he's met in all his travels that are the biggest). I enjoyed his tales of the road, with the middle chapters, and the last few before the end being the strongest. His stories of the days in Memphis, Texas and his early years in WCW are the best. It did start off a bit slowly, however, and really flew past his Japanese Death Match and ECW days. His telling of his entry into the WWF was a bit flat too, and the book seemed to lose a bit of its focus about then. Fortunately it picked back up, laying out a steady timeline of big matches, injuries, contract negotiations, and other events which made up his WWF career up to the end of 1998. His take on the Bret Hart incident in Montreal, and his telling of the 1998 King of the Ring "Hell in the Cell" match, dominate the last quarter or so of the book. (There are numerous typos in the book--the biggest being his continual misspelling of Bret Hart's name as "Brett"--but it's nothing to get bugged about. If anything, it adds to the charm of the book.) There are some times the book is a bit *too* inside, especially when it comes to names of people. He goes to great length usually in explaining what a certain term might mean to the less knowledgable fan, but there are times when he'll drop a name and forget to say who he's talking about. If I have one complaint, it's that the book ended all to abruptly. The last half of 1998 is crammed into just a few pages, and his December World Title victory over the Rock comes in the middle of the very last page. There were earlier references made to things happening in early 1999 which the book never gets to. It actually ends with the admonition that if you want to read about the 1999 Royal Rumble, you'll have to get the Rock's book. Winning the WWF Championship was certainly an event worthy of ending his story, but the book desperately called out for an epilogue or afterword of some kind to sum up, wrap up his thoughts and feelings, and put that ultimate achievement in perspective. One is left with the feeling of having to wait for a sequel, a book which, in all likelihood, will never be written (given how few years Mankind would seem to have left in him). It's like watching either "Star Wars" or "Return of the Jedi", and having both end right after the Death Star has been blown up. (Yeah, I'm a nerd.) It seems unfinished without that final chance to look back and marvel at just how far Mrs. Foley's Little Boy has come. If you can get your hands on it, I recommend giving it look. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Slobberknocker Central" and "Monday Night Recap" are copyright 1999 by John Petrie, and all opinions expressed therein are his own, and not those of "USLink". Check the "Slobberknocker Central" main page for info on how to receive the "Recap" free via E-Mail every week. Volume One, Number 208 of the "Monday Night Recap", November 8th, 1999.