Slobberknocker Central Monday Night Recap #158 November 23rd, 1998 The Opening Word: Kate Winslet got married! Oh, the cruel vagaries of fate ... I skipped the World War 3 PPV. Don't think I missed much--most reviews say it was "mediocre". That may be an improvement of late, though, so I'll give WCW credit for elevating themselves up to mediocrity. Nice work, WCW! Is "vagaries" a word? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WCW Monday Nitro: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Three Hours. Location: Grand Rapids, Michigan. HOUR ONE Hosted By: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay and Larry Zbyszko. - Schiavone gets the ball rolling by talking about Kevin Nash's World War 3 60-Man/3-Ring battle Royal win. he quickly moves on to talking about "Hollywood" Hogan, who was mysteriously absent from the PPV. Schiavone says Hogan has a major announcement to make, which he will do on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno" this Thursday night. Schiavone says he doesn't know what the announcement is. Bob Ryder of 1Wrestling.com says Hogan will announce his retirement. Your reactional options: A) Who cares?! It's about time. B) It's probably part of an angle. He'll be back in a few months. C) Sorry to see him go in that manner. He had his moments. D) All of the above. I personally pick "D". Schiavone also announces that tonight there will be a confrontation between Ric Flair and Eric Bischoff. - LEX LUGER vs. "MEAN" MIKE ENOS Luger with the Total Package. Two limousines pull up outside. Goldberg steps out of the *white* limo, while Kevin Nash and Konan step out of the *black* limo (is that a ... HINT?!) Nash and Konan joke about him being "next" on Goldberg's hit-list. Goldberg says "next" isn't a safe place to be--just ask his (Nash's) girlfriend. - "Mean" Gene Okerlund gets a few comments from Kidman. Kidman offers Rey Mysterio, Jr. a title match anytime he wants it. Mysterio comes out and thanks him, but is almost immediately confronted by Eddie Guerrero. Eddie says Rey is contractually obligated to be a part of the LWO, and is also bound by "la rasa!" Rey acts like he has no choice and puts on an LWO t-shirt provided by Eddie which is many times too big for him. I guess they don't know how to say "go f**k yourself!" down south of the border. This LWO angle started out as a backlash against Eric Bischoff. We now see Eddie acting JUST LIKE Bischoff. I wonder if that's actually their intention, or just a cute coincidence caused by the spotty booking? - NORMAN SMILEY vs. CHRIS BENOIT Benoit with the Crippler Crossface. - Nash, Konan and Luger come out to talk some shizit. Part of the crowd starts to chant "Gold-berg!", but they are drowned out by boo's from the rest of the pro-Nash crowd. (Isn't Nash from Michigan?) Then Schiavone, almost sounding offended by Nash's comments, throws it to the back where "Mean" Gene is awaiting to get comments from Big Lazy. He asks him why he didn't acknowledge Scott Hall's attempts to reconcile at the PPV. Nash says the last time he did they threw him through a wall. Hall will have to prove himself. Who should then happen by but Goldberg, and the two swap some barbs. How much should I hate WCW now that they've successfully managed to get me to root for Goldberg? (Well, I rooted for him to beat Hogan, so I guess this isn't a new feeling.) Already there's more legitimate heat and tension here between these two than when a few months back they kept bumping into each other leading up to the War Games match at Fall Brawl. - KANYON vs. TOKYO MAGNUM Kanyon with the Flatliner. Before the match they show him behind the entryway curtain chewing out Raven for being such a puss. - GLACIER vs. BOBBY DUNCUM, JR. Duncum with the pin. His finisher, as of yet unnamed, is a full nelson into a face-first slam to the mat. For some reason they play some really queer music when he comes out, then the old "Clash of the Champions X" old west music as he leaves. - "Mean" Gene interviews the Giant, who throws out a challenge to Goldberg. His purpose, though, is to beat him for the World Title so that Kevin Nash can't "duck" him any more. (Wouldn't it just be easier to challenge Nash outright?) The Giant's asking Goldberg if he has the "balls" to come out gets bleeped. HOUR TWO Hosted By: Schiavone, Tenay and Zbyszko. - SILVER KING vs. SATURN Saturn with the Death Valley Driver. Just before the conclusion of the match Ernest Miller and Sonny Onoo come out. Miller, over the house mic, badmouths Saturn. He runs down exactly why he's so great: "I'm six-three, two hundred and forty-two pounds, I'm big, bad and beautiful ... ", at which point a fan (off camera), perfectly picking up where Miller leaves off, adds " ... and you suck!" WCW bleeps "suck", but you can tell that's what the fan, bless his soul whoever he is, yelled. Schiavone confirms that the Giant will get a title shot against Goldberg tonight. So what was the point of the 60-Man Battle Royal then? Bam Bam Bigelow ran in last week and got one. The Giant comes out this week, spouts off on the mic, and gets one. Bobby Duncum debuted in WCW last week by getting a TV Title shot. Rey Mysterio was named the #1 contender to the Cruiserweight Title, yet in his stead Juventud Guerrera, then Eddie Guerrero, then Kidman himself all got shots before Mysterio got his. Diamond Dallas Page won the United States Title and promptly took a month off. Rick Steiner won the Tag Team Title belts by himself, picked Kenny Kaos to be his partner, then came *that* close to having Judy Bagwell defend them with him at the PPV. Don't tell *ME* that WCW's titles actually mean anything. - REY MYSTERIO, JR. vs. KIDMAN Typical of the Cruiserweight Division of late, this was a good match with a totally messed up finish. At about the ten minute mark (and kudos to WCW for actually letting them go that long), Eddie Guerrero and Juventud Guerrera come out. Kidman drop-kicks Eddie off the apron, then does a pescado to the floor. While the ref is watching this, Guerrera comes in and nails Mysterio. Kidman, having himself missed Juvi's interference, comes back in and finishes Mysterio off with the Seven Year Itch. Okay, so Eddie forces Rey to stay in the LWO just so he and Guerrera can screw him? Who does he think he is, Vince McMahon? I know I said I'd like to see these guys in some angles, but I was talking about one which made sense, and not just introducing run-in finishes to what had otherwise been adequately fine matches. - Okerlund is in the ring with Eric Bischoff, who says it's time to settle this thing between he and Ric Flair. Flair comes out. The two agree to a few things, namely that Bischoff runs the show and can hire or fire anyone he wants. Bischoff then says Barry Windham, who had just come out moments before, will knock out Flair. Flair takes over the mic and gives a heartfelt speech about tradition, and how he and Windham represent it. Bischoff replies with a slap. He and Flair tussle, until Windham steps in and nails Flair. They battle in the corner until Windham (or "Wyndham", as WCW spells it) knees Flair in the groin. He then holds on to Flair so that Bischoff can get in a couple of kicks. How nice. The fans, showing how out of touch they are with the angle, chant for Goldberg to come out instead of the Horsemen. Here come the Horsemen anyway, but before they reach the ring they are ambushed by the NWO. Way, way back down the aisle we see Arn Anderson, fighting both Stevie Ray and Vincent, get taken out by a well placed slapjack. The poor camera work almost completely misses it, as do the announcers. Instead they focus on Chris Benoit, Dean Malenko and Steve McMichael getting beat on by Scott Norton, Brian Adams and Horace. Bischoff, as he's passing by, says if the fans want a Horsemen match, they'll get to see Dean Malenko face Bret Hart later tonight. Good thing they did this angle in Michigan. Had they done it someplace like Charlotte, North Carolina, Bischoff might have taken a whiskey bottle to the head. I've no problem with Windham turning, by the way, I just didn't need to see Bischoff add another notch to his belt by laying out Ric Flair. - KONAN vs. BOOKER T. This boring match is put out of its misery when Stevie Ray comes out and clobbers Konan with his slapjack. Stevie and Booker T. then have a confrontation which counterpoints the one they had at the PPV. Stevie asks Booker where his head is at, and says he would have easily beaten Konan in just a couple of minutes. Booker says to leave him alone and stay out of his business. Same as the night before, but only with the roles reversed. Clearly WCW intends to go ahead with the brother vs. brother feud they threatened us with back before Booker was injured. HOUR THREE Hosted By: Schiavone, Tenay and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. - "Mean" Gene is out to interview Bret Hart. Hart calls Diamond Dallas Page and the fans "punks". This is another of those pointless interviews in which someone essentially comes out and says "look at me, here I am, don't forget me." No new information is divulged, no challenge is made, no angle is furthered, no character is enhanced. In short ... nothing happens. Cheap heat is all it is, probably necessary for Hart here because Dean Malenko, his opponent tonight, is so devoid of personality. Hart talking trash here will do more to get the fans behind Malenko than anything Dean could do in the ring. - WRATH vs. KEVIN NASH Nash is going to wrestle?! Chest ... pains ... system ... can't ... stand ... shock. I didn't think I'd be able to call Nash a "lazy bastard" this week, but good old Kev didn't really let me down. He does all of eleven offensive "moves" here, mostly elbows, clotheslines and kneelifts, clustered together in three short offensive flurries. He does a Sidewalk Slam. His most impressive move is selling a drop-kick, which he does by going over the top rope to the floor (I bet his knees were screaming after that one). His final move is his finisher, the Jackknife, which he uses to put Wrath away. Wrath's "unbeaten" streak comes to an end. (I wonder if he'll go away again, come back, and start a third unbeaten streak?) The announcers make a big deal about this, equating Wrath's win streak to that of Goldberg's. As long as we're keeping track, Wrath only did 20 "moves" of his own, most of which being punches and kicks. He did a drop-kick, though, and a clothesline off the top turnbuckle. At under five minutes this match was as boring as most recent Undertaker/Kane matches, though only half as long. - "Mean" Gene interviews Chris Jericho. Jericho's got a really silly looking hair style here, and to be honest I think his hair is half the reason people think he's funny these days. They talk about Bobby Duncum here because the feud they spent months building between he and Goldberg has been quietly dropped, Goldberg apparently not willing to work with someone of Jericho's "caliber" (i.e. a good wrestler). Jericho talks about Stu Hart making him dress up like a cowboy, which actually *is* funny, but of course this is interrupted by the arrival of Duncum, who has Jericho's Security Ninja Ralphus with him. Duncum hogties him like a calf in a rodeo. - After the break Jericho is still trying to untie Ralphus, until Scott Hall comes out. Jericho sees Hall and scatters. Hall gives Ralphus a little kick as he walks by. About halfway to the ring they cut of Hall's music, finally remembering that he's supposedly no longer in the NWO. Hall hits the ring to give what he says is his "final" survey. He says the NWO kicked him out. The fans don't buy it. By the way, remember that whole thing regarding Hall and his alcohol problem? Well, WCW would really appreciate it if you acted like it never happened at all, and never spoke or thought of it again. - SCOTT HALL vs. ALEX WRIGHT Hall with the Outsider's Edge. - DEAN MALENKO vs. BRET "HITMAN" HART Malenko comes out limping. The first few minutes feature Hart going after Malenko's injured leg. After an ill-timed commercial break we see that Malenko has taken over. Hart, having absorbed little more than punches and kicks, is selling everything like after twenty minutes with the Undertaker or Sting. I tried to get into this one, but there were only two obvious possible outcomes: Malenko loses because of the bad leg, or Hart finds that he can't beat Malenko and has to use a chair. Following the same finish as the last few weeks they choose the latter. Hart drops Malenko face-first on the chair, drawing the DQ. DDP comes in for the save and, in a very contrived manner, calls him "Bret the "Hit-SCUM!" Hart". (Gee, now all the fans will know when to yell "SCUM!" in DDP's upcoming interviews, just like they did for "Hollywood" SCUM! Hogan.) DDP even manages to squeeze in "jacked" and "BANG!" Poor guy, he's a slave to the lamest catchphrases in all of wrestling. He challenges Bret to a match next week on Nitro, meaning that for the first time in nearly two years we actually know what next week's main event will be THIS week! Hallelujah! - GOLDBERG vs. THE GIANT The Giant does a chokeslam. Goldberg delivers his spear, Jackhammer and gets the pin. A few incidental punches and such aside, that was the entire match. Then Bam Bam Bigelow, disguised in a sweatshirt with hood, runs in through the crowd. He and Goldberg brawl for a few moments until separated by security. Then Kevin Nash runs in. Damned if he'll let anyone steal his thunder, he and Goldberg brawl for a few moments until separated by security. - This Thursday: No Thunder this week. Thanksgiving. Go home. Eat turkey. - Next week: Bret Hart vs. Diamond Dallas Page. Comments: If all the "insider" talk is to be believed, a "coup" of sorts has taken place within WCW. With Hogan apparently on the outs, Kevin Nash has stepped into the role of the one with the most booking power in the company. Probably no surprise, then, that he would book himself to win at World War 3, and again here tonight, all en route to beating Goldberg for the World Title at Starrcade. Of course we'll have to wait and see if that last bit comes true or not. Still, anyone familiar with this scenario has to note just how heavily pushed Nash suddenly is, and how tonight's whole show was focused around him, like the WWF does with Steve Austin or the Rock. It's also rumored that DDP has gone along with Nash as sort of the second link in the chain of command. Supposedly he and Nash were the main bookers behind the PPV. Again, no surprise then to see how well he came out too in the last few days. Bret Hart was probably lucky to lose in such a screwy manner at the PPV. Eric Bischoff, as he did under the Hogan "regime", will now sit back and wait for this week's ratings. Until then I'm sure he's content to be seen kicking Ric Flair's ass on national TV. No Buff Bagwell or Scott Steiner this week! You know what this means? Yes, this was THE GREATEST NITRO EVER!!! Actually, with no Hogan or Warrior either, I'd say it was easily one of the most painless to watch in ages. They did another "Nitro Extra" this week, shown Tuesday night. Absolutely nothing happened. All squash matches. I'm really starting to believe now that come January, the Giant will be doing some house shopping in Connecticut. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WWF RAW is WAR: Live/Taped: Taped 11/17. Length: Two Hours+. Location: Columbus, Ohio. WWF RAW Hosted By: Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler. - "Stone Cold" Steve Austin is at the San Jose Medical Center, which is where he was taken Sunday after blacking out following a local house show match. How they could report on the events of Sunday in a show taped LAST Tuesday is beyond me. (I'm beginning to suspect those folks at NBC were right. Wrestling IS fake!) - Vince & Shane McMahon, Pat Patterson, Jerry Brisco, Sgt. Slaughter, the Big Bossman, Ken Shamrock and the Rock all come to the ring. (To save time I will from here on out refer to this group as "Team Corporate", or some other similar nickname.) McMahon starts off by saying that everything he's done, he's done for the fans. To further this, Sgt. Slaughter will step down from his role as commissioner. McMahon says he will name a new impartial commissioner, one who is a "free thinker" and will not have to answer to Vince McMahon. This new commissioner will have the full ability to deal with every WWF Superstar as he sees fit, with the one notable exception of "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, whom McMahon himself will still retain "jurisdiction" over. Without further ado, McMahon brings out the new WWF Commissioner: the "Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels! Shawn struts his way to the ring. Saying he's the new sheriff in town, he quickly rains on McMahon's parade by announcing that McMahon's Corporate Champion, the Rock, will have to defend his title tonight against Shawn's DeGeneration X pal, X-Pac. Vince gives that look like he's just bitten into an apple and found half a worm left over. Shawn gives him the D-X crotch-chop. Vince and the rest of the Corporate Team go into a huddle to plot strategy. The long and short of this development is that Shawn Michaels will not be able to wrestle for long time to come, if ever again. Shawn has apparently been advised to retire from the ring, and any return will probably necessitate back surgery, which would delay that return by many months. Until he decides to do whatever it is that he's going to do, this is what he and the WWF have come up with for him. Speaking for myself I'm glad to see him back, saddened that it will not be in a wrestling capacity, and in general am reserving further judgment until we see what they have planned for him. - An interview with the Insane Clown Posse reveals that they aren't ready to face the Head Bangers, their scheduled opponents for tonight. They tell the Oddities that they will have to take their place. - THE ODDITIES (w/ Luna & the ICP) vs. THE HEAD BANGERS Whatever Luna is wearing under that coat of hers must not be enough, because whenever it swings open the camera always switches to another angle. I always forget the ICP's individual names. Let's just call them "Dope Fiend" and "Medulla Oblongata". Anyway, the ICP ambush the Oddities (heel turn ... joy), spraying them in the eyes with Mace or no-stick Crisco or something. With Golga, Kurrgan and the Giant Silva taken out, the ICP and the Bangers cut off Luna's hair extensions. While all the menfolk in my home were looking on in boredom, my Mom got a huge kick out of this, proving once again that men and women are entirely different types of creatures. The Head Bangers announce that it's now their turn to kick some ass around here. (I suggest a RAT'S ASS, and I'll be happy to GIVE it.) - Kane clips. - THE BLUE BLAZER vs. STEVE BLACKMAN Even though this Blue Blazer clearly isn't Owen Hart, and even though Jim Ross has seen for two or three weeks running now that Owen isn't the Blazer, Ross says this is Owen Hart. Blackman gets the pin following a kick. Yup, a kick. (There were other moves, obviously, but his finisher was ... a kick.) Owen Hart then runs in. What did I ever do to the WWF to make them run my two least favorite angles back-to-back? - They show a clip taped at the Sunday San Jose house show of Austin nearly passing out after his match. We'll get comments from him a bit later at the hospital. - Shawn and Vince are shown in the back discussing something. Falling back on my CIA lip-reading training, I read their conversation to be as follows: Shawn: "Boy, we sure screwed Bret Hart, didn't we?" Vince: "Yes, we sure did." Shawn: "Too bad he made that movie though, huh?" Vince: "The movie is irrelevant. It just confirms everything we said." Shawn: "Yeah. God, what a crybaby." Vince: "He's definitely made it hard for his fans to cheer for him." Shawn: "So, when are we going to do the same to Owen?" Vince: "No need, I've already buried him in that 'Blue Blazer' angle." Shawn: "Vinny Mac, you da man!" Vince: "Yes, yes I am." ... or something to that effect. I may be a word or two off here and there. - THE BROOD (w/ Christian) vs. D-LO BROWN/MARK HENRY A surprisingly good match here, with Edge and Gangrel doing some nice double-team moves. D-Lo gets in some nice stuff as well. Henry, bless his big-ass soul, tries hard to fit in. The Brood get the win when Chyna comes out on the stage, distracting Henry, allowing Gangrel to roll him up from behind for the pin (that's familiar). Up on the stage Chyna agrees to Mark Henry's offer of a dinner date, which will settle his sexual harassment lawsuit. If they videotape this I sure hope Henry doesn't bring a pet rabbit with him. (How's that for an obscure WCW reference?) Cut over "live" to the San Jose Medical Center, where Steve Austin is in a hospital bed being checked on by a doctor and a pair of nurses. Austin is pissed off by all the tests they keep doing. He's recovering from the concussion he received from the shovel shot delivered by the Undertaker last week (I didn't need to put any of that in "quotes", did I?) The doctor tells him to take his medicine, get some sleep and take the next few weeks off. Austin says that ain't up to him. When asked by Ross how he feels, we can hear the beeps on Austin's blood pressure monitor speed up. Austin says he'll get his payback soon enough. Ross then tells us we'll see what put him in the hospital. They show the shovel shot, but as part of one of those lame "JVC Kaboom Box" promos. (You all know how much I hate ambush advertising.) - Shawn is in the back with his D-X buddies: X-Pac and the New Age Outlaws. - GOLDUST vs. MARC MERO Who cares. Terri Runnels comes out and, in the words of Jim Ross, "she ain't hardly got no clothes on!" She's wearing a jacket with nothing underneath, one single button near the throat keeping her bountiful assets from springing forth. The short skirt she's wearing is probably illegal in sixteen states. No underwear can be detected. Moments later Jacqueline comes out and she's wearing a blue velvet dress which is being held up by nothing more than positive thinking. The match ends when Jacqueline enters the ring and hits Goldust with a low blow. Terri follows suit and does the same to Mero. Both women pop out of their clothes, but quick cutaways preserve the "TVPG" rating. The two women high-five each other and walk out of what has become--edits and all--THE GREATEST RAW EVER! A nurse is asking Austin for his autograph. He obliges, showing he's only half the asshole Vince McMahon as when he was in the hospital. (Speaking of which, I was really hoping Vince McMahon would suddenly appear and bang Austin in the head with a bedpan.) Austin's medication seems to be talking affect, but Jim Ross gets Austin all riled up again by asking about the "Buried Alive" match coming up against the Undertaker at the next PPV. Austin says that son-of-a-bitch won't make it there if he has any say in the matter. The nurse shuts the light off and as Ross is sending us to commercial they return to the live shot outside the Medical Center. A suspicious looking hearse happens to pull up, which Jerry Lawler makes note of a split-second before they cut away. WWF WAR ZONE Hosted By: Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler. - KEN SHAMROCK vs. THE BIG BOSSMAN vs. MANKIND Triple Threat rules for the Hardcore Title. Yeah. Actually this is just McMahon's way of pounding some sense into Mankind. The match itself is okay, nothing spectacular. Mankind takes a big beating as Vince and Shane come out to watch. Highlight include the Bossman accidentally nailing Shamrock with a vicious chair shot. Down on the floor Mankind accepts a Mr. Socko clone from a fan and uses it to apply the Mandible Claw on Shamrock. Things then get weird when the J.O.B. Squad (Al Snow, Bob Holly and Scorpio) run in to interfere. As Holly and Scorpio distract the ref, Shamrock gives Mankind a belly-to-belly suplex on a chair. Al Snow, however, slides in on the other side and nails Shamrock with the Head. Mankind covers for the pin. McMahon is all twitterpated over this unknown variable spoiling his scheme. Mankind almost gets his hands on McMahon, but the Bossman and Shamrock resume their beating. They cut to the Medical Center, confirming that a hearse did indeed pull up. Ross missed it, as well as the implication of its presence. Lawler points out that hearses make pick-ups, not deliveries. Cut to Austin's room, where we see the Undertaker trying to smother Steve Austin with a pillow! Paul Bearer is there too and he has a cloth, which has been soaked either in chloroform or ether. Austin is knocked to the floor, and as the Undertaker holds him in a headlock, Paul Bearer knocks Austin out with the chemical soaked rag. The Undertaker says there's no hurry now, and that Austin is about to take his last ride. "What in the hell do they mean by that?!" Ross demands, as we see Austin being dragged out of the room by his foot. Sure lucky for the WWF that they have all these cameras there to record this. - Austin has been loaded into the hearse, which tears off into the night. Someone should probably call the police, though that will be a bit tough because the wrestling is taking place in Ohio, while the abduction is taking place in California. Ross should call 10-10-9000: they'll give him the number for the San Jose police, and connect him for no additional charge. - CHRISTIAN (w/ the Brood) vs. DUANE GILL Gill's entrance video shows him being pinned by such past WWF Superstars as Marty Jannetty. Of course he makes his RAW debut by getting a Light Heavyweight Title shot. Christian has Gill pinned after about three moves, but he picks him up to continue the beating. Bad move. Out comes the J.O.B. Squad and, after a sloppy springboard splash by Scorpio, Gill covers for the pin, winning the title. Michael Cole comes out, saying this may be the greatest upset in WWF history. Gill says this is the third greatest moment in his life, behind the birth of his son and the football team that he coaches winning the championship. Funny angle. The title is now worthless, but it's still a funny angle. Wouldn't it be cool now if this was all Gill needed to boost his confidence, and he goes on to be a great wrestler? Stranger things have happened. ( ... but I wouldn't bet on it.) Cut to a dark place somewhere, as the hearse bearing Austin pulls up. Somehow the cameraman who had filmed the hearse leaving the Medical Center knew where they were going, jumped in his car or van, and raced to the scene before they got there. Or there's two cameramen. Whichever is the case, the Undertaker pulls Austin out and dumps him on a big pile of dirt. He goes to work finishing the grave they'd presumably been digging in preparation for planting Austin. As Paul Bearer leans in to do some gloating Austin awakens, and grabs Bearer by the throat. The Undertaker leaps out of the hole and pummels Austin. Bearer produces a bottle and rag and Austin is knocked back into unconsciousness. The Undertaker then decides that burying Austin alive is too good for him, and that they'll instead take him to be embalmed. Alive. - The Hearse pulls away, stranding the cameraman again. - THE GODFATHER (w/ 3 Ho's) vs. TIGER ALI SINGH (w/ Babu) The Godfather offers the ho's (who this time out are real dogs). Stephen Regal comes out and warns Singh that he, with all his money, could afford better "slappers" than these. Big fight breaks out. Val Venis comes out to help the Godfather. Eh. - Shawn Michaels is in the back with referee Earl Hebner. Thanks again to my CIA lip-reading, I pick up the following: Shawn: "Damn, but Bret Hart was easy to screw over, wasn't he?" Earl: "No kidding. All I had to do was swear on my kids." Shawn: "And he bought it?!" Earl: "Hook, line and sinker." Shawn: "God, what a moron." Earl: "Well, he's better off where he is now." Shawn: "Don't bet on it. Big Kev has the book now, and we'll make sure he keeps getting screwed." Earl: "That's cold, Shawn." Shawn: "Hey, serves the jerk right for sucker-punching me in the shower." Earl: "Uh-huh. Say, I hear Kevin is a lazy bastard these days?" Shawn: "Aw, it's not his fault. He's just got bad knees." - THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS vs. THE J.O.B. SQUAD (w/ Al Snow & Duane Gill) Gill would look to be an official member of the J.O.B. Squad now. The crowd was incredibly hot during this match, which itself was just so-so. The J.O.B. Squad get the win when Mankind runs out and plasters Billy Gunn in the head with a leaf blower (which Mankind debuted the night before on Heat). Somehow the referee, who was distracted, doesn't hear it running. Scorpio covers for the pin. Ken Shamrock and the Bossman then run out and lay out pretty much everyone in the ring. Pat Patterson and Jerry Brisco come out at the tail end to talk to the Outlaws as they leave the ring area. Establishing shot outside a funeral home. I guess the cameraman again managed to jump in his car and guess which funeral home the Undertaker and Paul Bearer were heading for, and where it was. That, or the first cameraman left at the Medical Center perhaps assumed that this is where they were heading in the first place and came to stake it out. Or there's a third cameraman. Or this is all a huge load of B.S. Anyway, the hearse pulls up in front of the funeral home. - Now the camera is inside the funeral home, looking on as the Undertaker carries Austin into the back room, where the embalming is done. Austin is laid on the metal table. Bearer begins preparing, putting on rubber gloves and an apron. He tells the Undertaker that this is the best idea he's ever had. The Undertaker tells the unconscious Austin that things didn't have to come to this. Bearer cuts away Austin's shirt, revealing the pads placed on Austin's chest which had been hooked to the electrodes back at the hospital. Jim Ross begins yelling "oh my God!" as they cut to another commercial. - Ross has worked himself into a lather as they return. The Undertaker says his final good-byes, then begins speaking in tongues (or recites lines from the Egyptian Book of the Dead, or perhaps he's summoning Nyarlathotep--something like that). He raises the metal shaft which attaches to the embalming hose, preparing to drive it into Austin's chest. A sound is heard from behind the door. Paul Bearer steps over to check it, and is meet by the hands of Kane! Kane storms into the room and attacks the Undertaker. As the two struggle against a counter Paul Bearer grabs the scissors and tries to stab Austin. Austin, coming out of his stupor, blocks the scissors, pushes Paul Bearer aside, and stumbles out of the room. Bearer shouts that Austin is escaping, as back in the room the grappling brothers crash into the cameraman, cutting off the video transmission. - X-PAC (w/ the Outlaws) vs. THE ROCK (w/ Shamrock & the Bossman) Ross, worked up over what has transpired at the funeral home, is in great form during this match, shedding off any pretense of objectivity and actively rooting for X-Pac to beat McMahon's Corporate Champion. Before the match starts Shawn Michaels comes out and sends Shamrock and the Bossman away. He also sends away the Outlaws, then takes a seat at ringside to watch the match. The two lock up. The Rock backs X-Pac into the corner. He break, then tries a cheap-shot, but X-Pac sidesteps. Another lockup. The Rock with a headlock. Sent into the ropes the Rock lands an elbow. Coming off from the other direction he hops over X-Pac, X-Pac leapfrogs, and hits the Rock with a clothesline. The Rock comes back with some punches. X-Pac delivers of few of his own. Into the ropes again and the Rock ducks a clothesline, taking X-Pac down with a swinging neckbreaker off the rebound. The Rock clotheslines X-Pac over the top rope to the floor. After flashing Shawn Michaels the skunk-eye the Rock drops to the floor and pounds on X-Pac. He does a great move where he Atomic Drops X-Pac face-and-crotch-first into the steel ringpost! Laying X-Pac on the apron the Rock admires his own Corporate Bicep, then plants an elbow into the throat. Back in the ring he drops X-Pac with a right fist. A few kicks follow. Clothesline. Cover for 1 ... 2 ... X-Pac kicks out. Snap mare, followed by a chop to the back of the head, and a headlock. X-Pac battles back, escaping with a flurry of blows to the midsection. Into the ropes he goes, ducking a clothesline, but running face-first into an elbow. A stomp and a chop, then it's back to the headlock. Ross, who's been complaining about what the Undertaker and Paul Bearer have done, says he will never forgive him for what's happened tonight. Vince and Shane McMahon come out to survey the action. X-Pac again breaks free from the headlock. The two jockey for position, throwing and missing moves, until X-Pac connects with a spinning kick. "Cover him, Sean!" exclaims Ross. Both get back to their feet and the Rock runs the ropes again. X-Pac catches him with another spinning heel kick. 1 ... 2 ... the Rock kicks out. The Rock crawls over to the corner to catch his breath, but X-Pac flies in and does the bucking bronco ride. More swinging and ducking back in the center of the ring, with the Rock catching X-Pac, hoisting him on his shoulders, and planting him with the Samoan Drop. 1 ... 2 ... X-Pac kicks out. The Rock takes a second to jaw with the ref, and turns into a face-first slam to the mat by X-Pac. Ross screams "cover him! Cover him! BEAT HIM! Beat McMahon's Champion right now! Beat him! Count him down! 1 ... 2 ... aw, DAMN IT!!" X-Pac whips the Rock into the corner, follows, and is caught in a powerslam. 1 ... 2 ... kickout. The Rock drops to the floor to retrieve a steel chair. Commissioner Michaels follows him in the ring and takes it away from him ... ... winds up ... ... and nails X-Pac! Ross: "No, wait ... DAMN IT! WHAT THE HELL!! WHAT THE HELL!!!" The Rock drops the Corporate Elbow and covers for the pin. Shawn skips over to celebrate with the McMahon's, as the Outlaws run out to help X-Pac. They quickly get into it with Shamrock and the Bossman. The show ends with Shawn, Vince, Shane and the Rock up on the stage doing crotch-chops. - Next week: Nothing announced. Comments: Forgetting for a moment about the Austin/Undertaker saga, about half of the remainder of the show worked for me, while half didn't. Stuff like the Oddities, the Blue Blazer, the Godfather, Regal and Singh ... there's just not enough good wrestling coming out of it to stay interested in the comedy they usually represent. The Godfather may have a funny gimmick, but when is he going to deliver a decent match? Singh sucks, and he's a mediocre wrestler to boot. The Oddities just plain suck, and Luna's breasts are the only thing that interest me there. The Blue Blazer angle is just stupid. The only reason I can stomach any of this stuff is because it's done quick, squeezed into a two hour show. If RAW was three hours a steady diet of this stuff would have me turning on them quickly. Fortunately there's still plenty to keep me interested. D-Lo, Val Venis, Al Snow (though I still hate his gimmick), Goldust, Mero, their wives, Mark Henry's love affair with Chyna, the Brood, the Outlaws ... all these things have me interested to one degree or another. There's also Mankind, Shamrock, and the whole Austin/McMahon/Undertaker/Kane thing. And now Shawn Michaels is thrown into the mix. I know I'm in the minority here, but I really LIKED the Austin/Undertaker angle this week. Yeah, it was ridiculous, filled with plot holes big enough to drive garbage trucks through, but damn it--I really got into it! I'd never declare it the greatest angle ever, nor would I want to see this kind of thing on a weekly basis. Once in a while, though, you just have to throw reality out the window and tap into that melodramatic, cinematic element that differentiates wrestling today from what it was before Vince McMahon came along. It wasn't good "wrestling", but it was good TV. Of course I watch "Mystery Science Theater 3000", so what do I know? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Bottom Line: Vagary - noun - 1. an odd or eccentric action. 2. a whimsical or freakish notion. Plural: vagaries. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Slobberknocker Central" and "Monday Night Recap" are copyright 1998 by John Petrie, and all opinions expressed therein are his own, and not those of "Internet Access, Inc". Check the "Slobberknocker Central" main page for info on how to receive the "Recap" free via E-Mail every week. Volume One, Number 158 of the "Monday Night Recap", November 23rd, 1998. Back to Main Page