Slobberknocker Central Monday Night Recap #146 August 31st/September 5th, 1998 WCW Monday Nitro: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Three Hours. Location: Miami, Florida. HOUR ONE Hosted By: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay and Larry Zbyszko. - So I'm parked on the Sci-Fi Channel, watching "Army of Darkness", the third installment of the "Evil Dead" series from schlock-horrormeister Sam Raimi, when I notice it's time for Nitro to start. Talk about trading one army of the dead for another. - "Hollywood" Hogan ... Eric Bischoff ... comments in the ring ... you know the drill. Bischoff tells Eddie Guerrero (who?) that he has to wrestle tonight ... because of his powerful pen. Hogan officially announces that his Wargames team will consist of himself, Stevie Ray and Bret Hart (immediately diminishing the appeal of this match by one-ninth). Hogan challenges Lex Luger and Sting to a match between himself and Bret Hart for later in the show. Hogan then accidentally calls the Warrior "Ultimate Warrior", which the censors attempt to bleep out. Hogan challenges the Warrior to fight tonight. The lights dim, bacon sizzles, disco lights and rock music kick in. The camera tilts like it used to when they showed the bad guys on the old "Batman" TV series (whoops). The music then switches to something clearly inspired by his old WWF music and he runs to the ring to shake the ropes. (See, fans pissed and moaned so much when he didn't do it when he debuted that WCW makes sure he does it now. Hell, that's all the fans want to see anyway. It's not as if he can wrestle or anything.) The rest of the NWO arrive to surround the ring. The Warrior calls out to his fans and disappears in a cloud of smoke. WCW fans across the globe, who spent the better part of the last decade claiming the Undertaker was "supernatural crap", are hurriedly thinking up ways to justify all this. - JIM POWERS vs. WRATH Silly me, I bet my brother earlier in the day that they'd start tonight with Wrath vs. Evan Kourageous. Wrath wins. - Nitro Girls. "Mean" Gene Okerlund is at a Nitro party at a school somewhere in Ohio. - NORMAN SMILEY vs. SCOTT NORTON (w/ Vincent) Next. Before Norton can even exit the ring the lights dim. Spotlights pick out the Warrior ... somewhere. He looks tough and shakes his fist. Since the fans might find this interesting, they cut to a pretaped segment from earlier in the day. Mike Tenay, admitting that he's confused about last week's Thunder, tracks down Lodi and Saturn as they arrive at the arena. Tenay asks Saturn what it means now that he's become Lodi's servant until Fall Brawl. Saturn says it means he's become Lodi's servant until Fall Brawl. Lodi fetches Saturn and the two leave. Tenay admits that the situation is still confusing, but knows that Saturn is a man of his word. (He knows this because Saturn just told him. Broadcast journalism at its best.) The fact that WCW felt they needed to clarify all this pretty much shows how stupid they think we all are. - The Wolfpac ... "arriba la rasa" ... "rowdy, rowdy" ... you know the drill. Lex Luger accepts Hogan's challenge from earlier. (Ooh, I'm so glad. Had me worried there for a minute that this match wouldn't happen. I'd hate to see Luger say no, forcing WCW to put on whatever match they had "originally scheduled" to be their main event. God knows we might not get to see an NWO run-in if that happened.) Nash announces that he, Luger and Sting would make up their Wargames team (smart move). Nash then engages in some silly tension building between himself and the WCW team, telling Diamond Dallas Page he has until next week to make up his mind about joining the Wolfpac. Nash warns Roddy Piper that he better stay out of their business. He then weaves a tale regarding the Warrior which, well ... who cares. The point is that we're supposed to believe that the NWO, Wolfpac and WCW all hate each other equally. Whatever. - J.J. Dillon is interviewed. He asks for Arn Anderson to come out. Dillon plays a tape of Arn Anderson doing an interview back in the mid-80's, around the time of his Mid Atlantic territory debut. Dillon, talking about WCW has been abandoned by the creation of the NWO and Wolfpac, tells Arn he "doesn't get it!", strongly hinting that WCW NEEDS the Horsemen to come back. Chris Benoit and Steve "Mongo" McMichael come out to plead for Arn to once again consider reforming the Four Horsemen. Arn asks why he's doing this to him and walks out. Would I be giving anything away by revealing that this will all come to a head week after next, September 14th, when Ric Flair comes back? Probably not. Let me guess: Flair is the one who will talk Arn into reforming the Horsemen? (Of course if Flair comes back, who needs Arn?) HOUR TWO Hosted By: Schiavone, Tenay and Zbyszko. - Tennis!?! F**king U.S. Open. - It's been so long since Eddie Guerrero did his phony "shoot" speech that they need to replay it to remind us what he said. Larry Zbyszko fumbles around the concept of pro-wrestling contracts by explaining that wrestlers agree to compete in a certain number of matches every year, and that Eric is just holding him to that agreement. (So where's Ric Flair, then?) Let the "Free Eddie Guerrero!" chants begin. - EDDIE GUERRERO vs. BRIAN ADAMS (w/ Vincent) The Bat Signal lights up, showing the Warrior high up in the rafters. Apparently he's going to show up any time an NWO wrestler appears. Eddie refuses to fight, just laying down and telling Adams to pin him. Adams doesn't go for it and lays in some token offense, which Eddie does nothing to fight. Adams finally covers him for the pin. Eddie grabs a mic and tells Bischoff that (paraphrasing) "you may have the power, but I'm not going to give you the chance to sue me like you've done other people in this company!" (Ric Flair ... just say Ric Flair. You're not fooling anyone, Eddie.) Don't you just love angles which screw us out of the chance to see a good match? (Not that the above match had any chance to be good, mind you.) - They replay the Ernest Miller heel turn from Thunder. - ERNEST "THE CAT" MILLER vs. RIGGS Yeah, like the guy who just turned heel is going to lose. By the way, has Riggs even won a match since he was an "American Male"? Miller wins with a kick or something. Afterwards he tells the fans not to hate him because he's beautiful. Ooh, that's evil! - Nitro Girls. Nitro party in Ohio. "Mean" Gene interviews some students as "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan works up the crowd (meaning, thank god, he won't be wrestling tonight). - Bobby Heenan replaces Zbyszko. - KONAN vs. MARTY JANNETTY Jannetty has buffed up, so he now wears an outfit which shows off his new manly physique. A lengthy, boring match in which Jannetty looked good--basically because Konan pulls a page from Lex Luger's playbook and lets his opponent beat up on him for the whole match. Jannetty goes for several pins, but Konan always kicks out. He then halts Jannetty's momentum with a kick to the gut, a split-legged facesplat-to-the-mat, then applies the Tequila Sunrise for the win. - Kanyon is now officially in the Flock. Raven orders Lodi to tell Saturn that he can't do anything against him and the Flock tonight. Lodi tells him. Kanyon then badmouths Saturn, challenging him to hit him. Saturn won't do it, though, because he has too much pride and integrity. - LODI/SATURN (w/ the Flock) vs. HIGH VOLTAGE Awesome match! get this: Lodi makes Saturn wrestle the whole thing, which he does. He eventually plants one of his opponents with the Death Valley Driver. Lodi then makes Saturn tag him in so that he can get the pin. Damn, Lodi is just so funny. His small, tight shorts are a riot. His goddamned sideburns are hilarious! F**k ... I just can't get enough of this whole Saturn/Raven/Kanyon feud! WCW RULES!!! Now that's sarcasm. - They celebrate the start of hour three about ten minutes too early. - Schiavone interviews DDP, who confirms that he, the Warrior and Roddy Piper will be WCW's Wargames team. (Whew! I was a bit worried there. I'm sure glad they told me last week on Thunder to tune in, because I was just so afraid that DDP might NOT pick the Warrior. I mean, we all know what a great wrestler Norman Smiley is, and Silver King kicks some serious butt. And let's not forget Sick Boy. All of these guys, along with Hugh Morrus, had to strong contenders to fill out DDP's team.) Roddy Piper also comes out and tries to be hip by comparing Bret Hart to Marilyn Manson and the Power Rangers. Piper really rips into Hart, telling him he should be a man and stop making his parents sad. This so angers Hart that the Giant comes out. Err, umm. The Giant and DDP start fighting. DDP is slammed to the mat, causing the trap door the Warrior uses to pull his smokescreen escapes to pop open (so much for that "mystery"). Doug Dellinger and his security crew come out to escort the Giant from the ring. Thinking back, I recall I time when they tried to do this to the Giant and couldn't because his hands were (supposedly) too big for handcuffs. Mike Tenay even brings it up, which is funny because Dellinger whips out a pair and handcuffs and guess what? They fit! Whatever. HOUR THREE Hosted By: Schiavone, Tenay and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. - Scott Steiner and his messed up doctor hit the ring. Buff Bagwell then comes out dressed as a Jamaican doctor named "Juju Ubangi". What a load of bullshit, which the crowd apparently agrees with as they chant just that. Very loudly. This wasn't even remotely funny, (unless you're stoned or high, in which case everything is usually funny). Rick Steiner eventually shows up to end this fiasco. Sensing the nasty crowd mood they flash the Bat Signal and show the Warrior again. This is entertainment?! Nine quarter hours of the show have passed without a single quality match. If anyone out there disagrees, I'd be interested in hearing YOUR definition of "quality". - JUVENTUD GUERRERA vs. EVAN KOURAGEOUS Ah, the token "quality" match of the show. Allegedly. An okay match, but seriously, how excited am I supposed to get about EVAN KOURAGEOUS?! Guerrera wins with the Juvi Driver. - DISCO INFERNO vs. CHRIS JERICHO Lion Tamer. Strangely enough no one comes out to help Jericho. I know the Giant had been arrested, but shouldn't he have had someone come out too do it for him? - GOLDBERG vs. AL GREEN Not the soul singer, but a nobody jobber who is somehow fortunate enough to get a shot at the World Title. Kevin Nash sits in for color commentary. Need I say any more? - "HOLLYWOOD" HOGAN/BRET HART (w/ the Disciple) vs. STING/LEX LUGER Michael Buffer narrowly avoids being hit by some flying debris. Luger wrestles most of the match for his team, while Hogan and Hart tag in and out several times. Everyone wrestles at about half speed. They actually have the gall to stretch this match out five minutes past the hour before doing a countout finish. Hogan whips Sting with his weight belt, which Hart disagrees with. Hart takes the strap away, then walks out of the match. Hogan follows, causing the countout. They end up back in the ring, surrounded by the other NWO members, and have a brief shoving match. Smoke accidentally dribbles out through vents in the mat, but stops. A minute later the smoke really pours out heavily. When it clears the Warrior has appeared. All the NWO members are laid out in the ring. Hogan is cowering in the corner. The Warrior tells Hogan to get up because "we can smell your fear!" I sure smell something: BULLSHIT!!! - This Thursday: a taped show (and a pretty bad one to boot, based on the results I've read). - Next week: Nothing announced. Comments: I tried really hard to blow WCW off this week and just provide barebones results, but they make it far too easy for me to take cheap shots at them. Yes, I admit that every shot above taken at them was cheap. Most of them are also dead-on accurate, but that's another point entirely. I'm confident that had RAW been on, it would have fared very well ratings-wise up against this show. WCW seemed to adopt a "captive audience" strategy, figuring that since they had all the wrestling fans locked up, why show them anything good? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WWF RAW is WAR: Live/Taped: Not on--preempted by the U.S. Open. Comments: A special installment of RAW will air this Saturday night at 11:00 PM (Eastern). The RAW portion of the Recap should be sent out, as well as available on the website, early Sunday morning. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WWF RAW Saturday Night (September 5th): Live/Taped: Taped 8/31. Length: Two Hours. Location: New Haven, Connecticut. WWF RAW Saturday Night Hosted By: Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler. - Still photos from SummerSlam open the show. - Mr. McMahon hits the ring to announce that September 27th will see a "Breakdown" (the next In Your House PPV), and that "Stone Cold" Steve Austin will be the one breaking down. McMahon guarantees that Austin will lose his title there. He then launches into a diatribe against the Undertaker for dropping the ball and not taking the title away from Austin (with the help of Kane). McMahon says the two brothers should be dominating the WWF, and that other WWF Superstars are starting to "snicker" at them behind their backs. The crowd calls Vince an "asshole!" McMahon then calls the Undertaker a "pussy", which is bleeped out. Out comes the Undertaker and Kane to chase him off through the crowd. Maybe it's just me, but the crowd audio is really off here--a problem often heard on these taped shows. There's a real "canned" feel to the proceedings thus far. - THE DISCIPLES OF APOCALYPSE vs. KEN SHAMROCK/STEVE BLACKMAN The match doesn't even get anywhere before the Undertaker and Kane come out and destroy Steve Blackman. Going to the commercial they show Val Venis occupying a stall in the bathroom. An extra pair of feet and moans indicate that he isn't alone. - Replay of McMahon lighting the fire under Kane and the Undertaker's asses, followed by clips of Kane attacking Mankind at SummerSlam. - VAL VENIS vs. VADER I'd say this is something of a mismatch. Vader dominates, though is unable to get the pin--even after a Vaderbomb off the turnbuckles. The match then comes to a halt when Bradshaw comes out to jaw at Vader. Then we get a reappearance from the Brothers of Doom, who lay out Venis and Vader (requiring a double chokeslam for the latter). Bradshaw heads for the hills before his ass is grass as well. I sense a pattern here. Jim Ross announces that Kane and the Taker will be in action against LOD Animal and Darren Drozdov on Sunday Night Heat this week. Michael Cole gets comments from the Rock regarding his IC Title loss, as well as the next match. - NEW AGE OUTLAWS vs. THE ROCK/MARK HENRY The typical WWF match where you know there will be some interesting bits here and there, but there's no way it'll amount to much on anything. True to form this one comes to an end when Chyna runs in, spears Mark Henry and wails on him. DQ win for the Nation. Run-in finish #3 on the night. - Tiger Ali Singh, with his new manservant "Babu", comes out and makes another stupid America humiliate themselves. A woman gets $600 to French kiss Babu for five seconds after he's eaten sardines. Tiger actually stretches it out to about twenty seconds. After the woman is paid the Undertaker and Kane then come in and destroy the two. They may have edited out a flashing incident here--I'm not positive. Wow ... a run-in (well, walk-in) during a comedy bit. - THE HEAD BANGERS vs. SOUTHERN JUSTICE Where's Kane and the Undertaker when you need them? Southern Justice have maybe gotten worse since dropping their Godwinns personas, though they do get the win when somebody Slop Drops someone. This is supposedly revenge for the Head Bangers helping X-Pac shave Jeff Jarrett's head at SummerSlam. In the back Kane busts open a locked door with a sledgehammer. He and the Undertaker are looking for Mr. McMahon. - X-PAC vs. D-LO BROWN They show footage of Jarrett getting his head shaved backstage with a better pair of clipper (the one in the ring having given out during the PPV). In an unsurprising turn of events, the now buzzed Jeff Jarrett runs out and attacks X-Pac. (Run-in #4.) The two fight out through the crowd. The Undertaker and Kane, meanwhile, having come out too late to interfere in the match, settle for menacing D-Lo into a corner. Out comes the Rock to dissuade them of this, perhaps suggesting that such a course of action may earn them the smack-down. They respond by giving the Rock a People's Ass-whipping. - "MARVELOUS" MARC MERO (w/ Jacqueline) vs. EDGE Ross announces that we'll get some kind of special "home movie" footage of Mero and Jackie on Heat. Yet again the match comes to a screeching halt as Gangrel runs in to attack Edge. (Run-in #5.) Those two go at it as Mero leaves, but he is cut off by the Undertaker and Kane and chokeslammed on the ramp. - They play a pretaped Al Snow interview conducted by Jim Ross. A fair amount of ECW footage is shown, possibly with the intention of "educating" the WWF fans in how they should react to Snow. Al's past as the Avatar and Leif Cassidy is mentioned. A second part to this interview is yet to come. - The Undertaker and Kane are stalking the back hallways. - THE ODDITIES (w/ Princess Luna) vs. LOD 2000/DARREN DROZDOV The Insane Clown Posse do the Oddities music live, leading them to the ring. Hawk, again "in no condition", comes out with them and dances in the ring. As the match starts he beats up the ICP when they fail to dance with him. Somehow Hawk ends up getting pinned, giving the Oddities a win in the record books over the legendary Legion of Doom. Just awful. Animal and Droz leave Hawk behind as he dances in the ring. - The Brothers destroy some stagehand in the back. - TOO MUCH vs. LOS BORICUAS Like some of WCW's matches involving the smaller guys, this one may have been okay, but I just didn't give a damn about it. Why is it on these make-up shows the WWF do on Friday and Saturday nights they follow this bizarre course of showing badder and badder (or decreasingly interesting) matches as the shows progress? Too Much get the win. Clean. By this point I feel like a music fan who's gone to see one of his favorites in concert, only to find themselves dismayed when the singer closes out a show with a medley of songs from their latest, crappy album, instead of their greatest hits. - JEFF JARRETT vs. SCORPIO Jarrett's new look sucks. He has Owen Hart's old hair and Billy Gunn's old wrestling trunks. Nice moves from both here, but given the course of this show, everyone is watching the ramp for the run-in. X-Pac does the honors this time (run-in #6), followed by one last appearance of the Undertaker and Kane. Scorpio suffers a beating, as Mr. McMahon appears on the stage to look on. - Next week: Nothing announced. Comments: A really bad show all around. Okay, some of the angle stuff was fine, and it served a purpose at times, but that's all there was to it. The wrestling was pretty miserable. As awful as Nitro was this week, I can't see any way that this show could have beaten it in the ratings. While WCW employed a "captive audience" strategy, the WWF seems to have employed an "AWOL audience" strategy, probably figuring they wouldn't have their normal audience to show off to. It's also pretty clear that with just three weeks to go until the next PPV, and only one live show coming up before then, the WWF is just running on autopilot, rehashing what they did for SummerSlam. From what I've read about next Saturday's RAW, it sounds much the same as this show, with the Sunday Night Heat installment of both weeks being the "big" show of each week. The "good" stuff is being saved for the next live RAW on the 14th, though even then I suspect much of what we'll see will just go towards hyping the upcoming PPV, which looks to be every bit the filler card that tonight's show was. The U.S. Open preemption's are really screwing the WWF up, and they've obviously decided to throw the towel in until Monday, September 28th or so. I don't get Shotgun Saturday Night, but I feel like I've just watched a two hour version of it. Six match-ending run-ins ... unbelievable. Austin, Triple H and Mankind were all no-shows due to various injuries. Mankind is just messed up all around, while Austin apparently dislocated his jaw in the match against the Undertaker at SummerSlam. Hunter Hearst Helmsley has a bad knee. Various WWF Superstars will use this stretch before the PPV to rest and heal up, which is good for them, but generally makes for bad TV for the fans. This is where the WWF's lack of depth on the roster really hurts them. This week's show could have focused on talent such as Val Venis, Edge and Gangrel, which they almost did, but choosing to overshadow them with the Undertaker/Kane run-ins undermined whatever good they may have done. Sunday Night Heat will start this week at the special time of 6:30 PM (Eastern). During the course of the show here they mentioned several scheduled matches, but I can honestly say none of them sounded all that promising. As much as it pains me, I've got to give Nitro the win this week. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Bottom Line: No bottom line this week, other than the fact that tennis sucks. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- This Week's Winner: Nitro. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Slobberknocker Central" and "Monday Night Recap" are copyright 1998 by John Petrie, and all opinions expressed therein are his own, and not those of "Internet Access, Inc". Check the "Slobberknocker Central" main page for info on how to receive the "Recap" free via E-Mail every week. Volume One, Number 146 of the "Monday Night Recap", August 31st/September 5th, 1998. Back to Main Page