Slobberknocker Central Monday Night Recap #111 December 29th, 1997 In response to numerous requests, I'm going to give my match-by-match thoughts on Starrcade. Let me start by saying that I did not see the show myself. I watched the preshow and opening few minutes on satellite, then opted to listen to it on RealAudio instead of plunking down $30 for it. Perhaps that's why my reaction to the show is not as negative as a great deal of that being spread across the Internet. Here, in brief, were the matches: * The PPV broadcast opened with an elaborate cinematic sequence showing Sting walking through a ruined cathedral. They then showed the live crowd, with reportedly over 24,000 in attendance. A huge number of WCW wrestlers not scheduled on the card are sitting in special sections set aside for them near ringside. Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay and Dusty Rhodes are the announcers, and it's announced that Kevin Nash will not be able to wrestle the Giant due to some sort of illness. It was a great opener: far better than that for Halloween Havoc, which is the only WCW PPV I've bought this year. The news that Nash would not be on the card was really annoying, since that was the only match I myself would have been interested in actually seeing. WCW never really explained why Nash wasn't on the card, which has angered a lot of people who bought the PPV. Reaction has been even more heated in light of the fact that Nash may have deliberately no-showed because he was scheduled to lose to the Giant. WCW's "official" story, not related on the PPV as far as I know, is that Nash suffered some kind of heart ailment-like a minor heart attack, or severe indigestion, the symptoms of which often mimic a heart attack. in any case, WCW never adequately explained Nash's absence to the satisfaction of many who purchased the PPV. It should also be noted that Bobby Heenan did the PPV countdown show alongside Tony Schiavone, with no mention made of Heenan's joining the NWO earlier in the week. Then as the PPV started, Schiavone explained how Heenan wouldn't be there because he'd joined the NWO. The preshow was accordingly exposed as having been taped more than a week before the PPV. It's pretty clear that WCW feels little obligation to accurately advertise their PPV cards after the initial card has been announced. * Eddie Guerrero pinned Dean Malenko following a Frog Splash off the top turnbuckle, retaining the WCW Cruiserweight Title. I'm assuming this was the best match on the card from a pure wrestling standpoint. Having not seen it, I can't say if it was better or worse than other recent Guerrero matches. Reviews I have read say it was good, but not as good as other recent Guerrero PPV matches. * Scott Hall came to the ring to do his "survey". He mentioned that he will face the winner of the Hogan/Sting match at SuperBrawl VIII in February. Hall confirmed that Nash would not be there for the PPV, adding that the Giant wins his match by forfeit. The Giant came out and bodyslammed Hall, then gave him a crucifix powerbomb (Outsiders Edge). This was the substitute for the Giant/Nash match. It didn't come off very well over RealAudio, and many reviews I've read say the Giant just kind of mumbled his lines and halfheartedly performed the obligatory, fan friendly beating. * Randy "Macho Man" Savage, Scott Norton and Vincent defeated the Steiners and Ray Traylor. Savage subbed for Konan, who no-showed the PPV. Word is that Savage demanded to get the win because he was being "demoted" to such a low spot on the card. Reports regarding Konan's absence are conflicting, with some saying it was a no-show or cut by WCW due to the political infighting between he and Bischoff. The other story is that Konan was off attending to his girlfriend, who had just lost a baby during childbirth. Again, either way, WCW never adequately explained to the fans what was going on. If it was political then it was an annoying situation. If it was the other then I think Konan deserved to have the fans be able to express their condolences. As far as the match itself, I actually thought it wasn't all that bad-but that's from listening to it as opposed to actually seeing it. * Mean Gene Okerlund interviewed J.J. Dillon. Dillon announced that the WCW Executive Committee felt that a neutral referee should officiate the Hogan/Sting match, and that all the names of WCW's referees were "put in a hat" and the name drawn was Nick Patrick. I have a STRONG feeling that Hogan-who has absolute control over the booking of his matches-came up with the finish shortly before the PPV. Why else would they save this very important revelation for the last minute? More on this later. Anyone watching or listening to this had to know that Patrick was going to be the one named. Does it make sense to choose the referee for the "Match of the Decade(tm)" by pulling their name out of a hat? Shouldn't it have just been assigned to the senior referee, which I believe is Randy Anderson? * Bill Goldberg pinned Steve "Mongo" McMichael. This match was over so quick that the RealAudio commentary team barely covered it. I should note, by the way, that the announcing crew was absolutely awful. Now, I don't expect them to deliver precision commentary for all us cheapskates listening for free, but c'mon ... was having Disco Inferno argue with Lee Marshall for ten minutes the best they could do?! * Raven came to the ring and announced that, per the stipulations in his contract, that he wouldn't be wrestling Chris Benoit. Saturn would take his place instead. Perry Saturn beat Chris Benoit with the help of Raven and his Flock in a no disqualification match. With the RealAudio crew still not paying much attention to the ring I didn't get much at all from this match. Reviews I've read rated it from good to little more than a Nitro quality match. There was also a lot of negative response from the fact that Raven was advertised for the match, even though WCW had to have known that he wouldn't be able to compete. * Marcus "Buff" Bagwell defeated Lex Luger. I've read nothing but ferociously negative reviews for this match. Many say it completely killed the live crowd, which had really been hot from the opening bell. Even the RealAudio crew kept saying the match sucked and were forced to rattle on about other stuff due to the number of stalls and restholds. * Diamond Dallas Page pinned Curt Hennig to win the WCW United States Title. Page caught Hennig with a Diamond Cutter out of nowhere and covered for the pin. Again I didn't get much from this match because the announcing team did a poor job of calling the action. Reviews have been mixed, saying the match was either good, just okay, or a disappointment-reminiscent of Steve Austin's out of nowhere quick IC Title win over Owen Hart. I do think giving DDP the title was a good idea, though, as Hennig was doing little with it, and DDP needed to boost his popularity back up a bit. Many fans were upset because they were under the assumption that this would be a cage match, which is the way it was advertised when Ric Flair was still scheduled to face Hennig. DDP took the injured Flair's place, but WCW never said the match would no longer be in a cage. It wouldn't have really made sense for it to have been a cage match, but it's still an oversight on WCW's part. * Larry Zbyszko beat Eric Bischoff via disqualification. Scott Hall tried to interfere, but special referee Bret Hart put him in the Sharpshooter, then DQ'ed Bischoff for the interference (after nailing him one for good measure). The WCW wrestlers celebrated with Zbyszko after the match. WCW Monday Nitro, as per the stipulations of the match, will stay under the control of WCW. This was just awful-and I'm not alone in my reaction to it. I don't know how well it played out visually, but listening to it one really had to wonder how it was that Zbyszko was so powerless against Bischoff. Larry didn't seem to get in any offense. They did a spot where Scott Hall slipped a foreign object into Bischoff's boot, then he kicked Zbyszko, knocking him out. The problem was that the object came out of his boot and flew into the crowd before the kick landed. Larry still sold it like he'd been killed. I'm not against the finish per se, as it finally gave the fans what they wanted to see. What I am against is how good Bischoff made himself look. He can now not only claim that he kicked Larry Zbyszko's ass, but that it took Bret Hart to beat him as well. Given the eventual outcome Zbyszko should have won this one in under ten seconds, knocking Bischoff out with his first punch. But no, Bischoff just HAD to put himself over as a "legitimate" tough guy, didn't he? * Sting beat "Hollywood" Hulk Hogan to win the WCW World Heavyweight Title in controversial fashion. Hogan hit a legdrop and pinned Sting, but Bret Hart ran in and claimed Nick Patrick had made a fast count. Hart then threw Hogan back into the ring and Sting applied the Scorpion Deathlock. Hogan submitted and Hart declared Sting the winner. The ring filled with the other WCW wrestlers to celebrate along with the emotional Sting. Again I have no problem with the outcome as once again the fans benefitted. It just too bad that they completely botched the finish. From all accounts what happened is that Nick Patrick flat-out forgot that he was supposed to do a fast count. Bret Hart was immediately at the time keeper's table to stop the bell from ringing. The fans at home, in attendance, and even those listening over the Internet, saw and heard Hogan cleanly pin Sting. The RealAudio announcers (except for Lee Marshall, who was "unsure") all said the pin count was normal, and were puzzling over how easily Hogan had beaten Sting. Hart came off looking something less than noble by essentially stealing a clean win away from Hogan, when the intention was for Patrick to do a fast count, thus making Hart the hero for delivering "justice". What's even more annoying is that Hogan once again protected himself. He, just like Bischoff, can rightly claim that Bret Hart stole the match and title from him. Hogan, instead of being cleanly pinned, submitted in a situation where the submission hold shouldn't have been allowed in the first place. When was the last time that Hogan was cleanly pinned or beaten? Luger and Piper both beat him in the last year in situations where Hogan can claim the match should have been stopped due to outside interference. The same for Hogan's 1996 losses to Arn Anderson and Ric Flair. Back in the WWF, Hogan lost to Yokozuna due to outside interference. The Undertaker beat him with help, and Hogan was stripped of the title when he won it back by the WWF President. Even the famous loss to the Ultimate Warrior includes a moment where Hogan had the Warrior cleanly covered for a pin, but the referee was knocked out (i.e. Hogan "should have" won that match as well). Hogan lost the title to Andre due to trickery. His only other high profile WWF loss was merely by countout to the Genius. In all seriousness, I don't think Hogan has cleanly lost a match since he lost to Antonio Inoki in Japan nearly FIFTEEN years ago! I don't hold this against Starrcade, mind you. It just continues to lower Hulk Hogan in my own personal estimation. That won't change until the day he cleanly lays down for an opponent, unequivocally saying "yes ... you are the better man!" WCW has only been barely teasing the fact that Patrick was still pro-NWO ("when you're NWO, you're NWO 4 Life!") Wouldn't it have made sense for them to more firmly establish this as the event approached? They should have announced on Monday that Patrick would be the referee, thus making the fans ready for his interference, thus making Hart's interference more dramatic and surprising (and accordingly satisfying). I suppose they didn't because they though it might have discouraged some last minute PPV buys, but it's also just as likely that Hogan finally came up with a finish shortly before the show, which is why WCW has absolutely not time to set the angle up. My overall reaction to Starrcade can best be described as indifference. I think they were smart in giving the fans a lot of what they wanted, but I don't think they put on all that good a show in doing so. I have a feeling that I'd have been a lot more negative had I actually seen it-not to mention paid for it. WCW Monday Nitro: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Two Hours+. Location: Baltimore, Maryland. HOUR ONE Hosted By: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay and Larry Zbyszko. - They start off with still photos of Sting being crowned the new WCW World Champion. Purple and gold balloons shower the crowd, celebrating the big win for WCW. The Nitro Girls do a number in the ring. Zbyszko then comes to the desk amongst much fanfare. The honeymoon is apparently over for the NWO and its fans as Schiavone begins a nightlong practice of verbally running down anyone who supports the NWO. He calls NWO fans "18 to 25 year olds who live in their mother's basements!" He suggests they watch the Cartoon Network instead of Nitro. (My respect for Schiavone just went up two or three notches.) - GLACIER vs. BILL GOLDBERG Goldberg wins in about a minute, putting him away with the Jackhammer. - Mean Gene interviews Bret "Hitman" Hart. Hart's new theme music is indeed a noodly muzak rodeo version of something similar to his old music. Mean Gene says Hart "saw the light" and that he was part of the cause for the revitalization of WCW. Hart says he took a good, close look at the whole NWO/WCW situation (inadvertently giving the impression that he actually considered joining the NWO). He says the NWO is evil corrupt scum, adding that they are like the "scum" he left behind. He rattles of a few WCW names like the Giant, Chris Benoit, Lex Luger and Sting, saying these are the guys he would like to wrestle (which doesn't really go over well with the crowd). He quickly adds that he wants to wrestle against the stars of the NWO as well. He rattles off their names, essentially laying out a major challenge to Hulk Hogan, saying Hogan ran away from him several years ago and that there's now nowhere left for him to hide. During all this Hart rattles off the "Best There Is ..." line, which practically draws boos from the crowd. A good interview by Hart, but the crowd was really mixed, with slightly more cheers than boos. (I guess Hart still hasn't shaken off his "bad guy" image he had when he left the WWF.) - Raven, from his ringside seat with the Flock, says that as long as Chris Benoit keeps coming out to get beat up, his Flock will do the beating. Hammer hops the rail and heads for the ring. - CHRIS BENOIT vs. HAMMER Benoit leaps into the Flock, laying in a few blows. They pound on him and throw him into the aisle. The match then starts. Hammer gets in a few inconsequential moves before Benoit applies the Crippler Crossface. The Flock runs in, drawing the DQ. They all beat on Benoit until Steve McMichael runs out to make the save. The crowd reacts well to the mini Horsemen reunion. - Mean Gene interviews Ric Flair. Flair talks about how great it is that WCW has emerged from the NWO's shadow. He congratulates DDP for beating Hennig, and reminds the former Perfect one that the two of them still have an unfulfilled date with destiny. He then launches into Bret Hart, giving him his due for doing the right thing, but then intimating that Hart is really overrated. As evidence of this he reads a newspaper clipping from the Baltimore Sun, which quotes Dave Meltzer as saying Ric Flair is the greatest wrestler ever. Flair calls Meltzer Bret Hart's "main man", but that even he acknowledges Flair is a better man than Hart. (This makes Meltzer's second recent connection to WCW, as he was involved in the in-ring celebration the night before at the PPV.) - EDDIE GUERRERO vs. ULTIMO DRAGON Quick match. Eddie has the upper hand, but Ultimo Maneuvers him into the Dragon Sleeper, forcing Guerrero to tap out. Ultimo Dragon wins the WCW Cruiserweight Title. Two minute match-if even that. Ultimo Dragon is scheduled to fight for the IWGP Junior Heavyweight Title next week in Japan. Supposedly the Great Sasuke was going to get that shot, but Eric Bischoff used his influence with New Japan to get Sasuke yanked and replaced with Ultimo. With Ultimo losing so much of his credibility lately due to all of his losses in America it's hard to believe this title win wasn't done solely to give him some credibility going back to Japan. I'm betting that Eddie wins it back in a week or two: the next PPV at the latest. - "Hollywood" Hogan and Eric Bischoff head to the ring. Schiavone and the others constantly talk about how Nick Patrick's pin count was fast. Bischoff calls Hogan the World Champion. The upshot of this whole lengthy segment is that they play clips from the PPV of Dillon saying Patrick would be the referee, then stills from the match and how Bret Hart screwed Hogan over. That saddest part is that Hogan is telling the truth, though as I've said before, the "truth" and the "official version" of the story rarely are the same in professional wrestling. This interview lasted longer than all three matches leading up to it combined. - Schiavone starts to explain how only he and Tenay would announce for the second hour when Heenan comes to the desk. Schiavone asks him what he wants. Heenan says he's out there to do his job. Tony asks him about the NWO. Heenan claims that he did what he did because it was his job. Schiavone calls him a weasel, but allows him to resume his place at the announcing desk. - MORTIS (w/ James Vandenberg) vs. DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE A longer match than the previous three, but still relatively short. Typical back-and-forth with some interference attempts by Vandenberg. DDP gets the win with the Diamond Cutter. The fireworks erupt, kicking off the second hour ... which starts with a commercial break. HOUR TWO Hosted By: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. - Mean Gene interviews J.J. Dillon. Dillon crows a bit about how WCW's reversal of fortune. He confirms that Sting is that champ and that the decision of the PPV match will stand. He then says that he's talked to Sting, who is in the building, and that Sting is willing to put the belt up against Hogan or anyone else in the NWO who wants a match tonight. This gets the biggest reaction from the crowd thus far. Schiavone mentions that the show will only be two hours tonight, but that they'll stay with the action "to the bitter end!" (What a joke that turns out to be.) - DISCO INFERNO vs. BOOKER T. Disco gets a big reaction from the crowd. Booker T. doesn't (though he does seem to have a sizable contingent of fans). Remember what I said about WCW losing their interest in Disco Inferno eventually? This may have been the week for it as Booker T. beats Disco to win the WCW TV Title. A decent match, with both men being really into it. The crowd, while not exactly on the edge of their seats, reacted well to the big moves done by each. Booker T. gets the win following a tumbling legdrop off the top turnbuckle. The crowd really got behind Booker during the match, and gave a big ovation when he won. Stevie Ray comes out to celebrate with his tag team partner. - J.J. Dillon tells mean Gene that he can't get any kind of response to Sting's challenge from the NWO. Eric Bischoff comes out and says that Hogan accepts. - CURT HENNIG (w/ Rick Rude) vs. CHRIS JERICHO Rude is clean shaven, which looks really strange after seeing him with facial hair for so long. Jericho takes control early in the match, sending Hennig to the floor, where he stalls a bit. They then resume the match and after only a few moves Jericho flubs a springboard moonsault attempt. Hennig catches Jericho in the back with his knees, then applies the Hennig-Plex for the pin. After the match Jericho flips out, grabbing a chair and whacking it against the ringpost. Jericho yells "I'm sick of this!" Whatever. - Nitro Girls. - Scott Hall comes out to conduct his survey. I'm convinced that WCW really has no idea what to do with Hall (other than job him regularly) and that this is just their way of getting cheap heat for him. Even though the crowd soundly booed him moments earlier, they still brainlessly chant the NWO catchphrases along with him. Sheep, I tell you ... mindless sheep. - Baseball player Billy Ripken is shown in the crowd. Billy's kind of nuts anyway, so it doesn't surprise me that he's a wrestling fan. They then show this week's Nitro Party Video, which is unbelievably bad beyond words. Schiavone sums it up best when he says the party videos keep dangerous people off the streets. - BUFF BAGWELL (w/ Scott Norton) vs. LEX LUGER Typical Luger match: Bagwell kicks his ass, Luger hulks up and Torture Racks him for the win. Norton tries to interfere, but Luger knocks him off the ring apron. If WCW is willing to let Luger beat Bagwell then why not have that happen at the PPV, where the fans are paying to see exactly that? - "HOLLYWOOD" HOGAN vs. STING The "Rematch of the Decade" turns out to be the "Joke of the Week". Michael Buffer does the ring intros. Hogan comes out first. Sting then comes out, attacking Hogan before Buffer is finished. (Sting's music, if you missed the PPV, is the same as that which they played the night he and his buzzard showed up at the Clash of the Champions.) Hogan dominates the first few minutes, completely beating the crap out of Sting. Sting then stages a mini comeback, followed by another brief turn by Hogan in control. Finally Sting resumes control, whipping Hogan into the corner post. (Let me quickly note that that's pretty much all this match had been up to this point: punching, kicking and a few whips here and there. No real wrestling moves to speak of.) Sting follows the whip with the old Stinger Splash. He repeats it into the opposite corner, only this time referee Randy Anderson is caught between Sting and Hogan during the splash. The show ends. I didn't catch the precise time, but the show had gone over by about five minutes at the point where the cameras faded out. Someone explain to me how a show which routinely runs twenty minutes over, and occasionally expands to three hours, can suddenly run out of time barely five minutes past the announced finish time? The match itself lasted about seven or eight minutes, with many fans across the Internet saying it was actually better than the PPV match the night before. What happened when the cameras went off the air? I've read about a dozen different versions. All they agree on is that Sting won, retaining the title, and that a huge WCW/NWO brawl broke. Beyond that I don't think the particulars matter. - Next week: Nothing announced. Comments: WCW seemed to forget that next week's Nitro, which will be from the Georgia Dome in Atlanta, is supposed to be "the Greatest Nitro Ever!" Hardly any mention was made of it-if any at all (I may have missed some commentary here and there while fast forwarding through my tape). WCW's hotline is apparently reporting that Luger will face Savage in the main event. Big whoop. This week's show, for what it was, wasn't all that bad, but it did ruin any chance at being all that memorable by them pulling the terrible finish that they did. WCW has shown over the last six months that they can stay on the air pretty much as long as they want. Cutting a match short-and not just any match mind you, but arguably the biggest match ever on Nitro, sent one of two messages: either the relationship between WCW and TNT has soured a bit (which is possible but not likely), or WCW feels in no uncertain terms that we fans aren't worthy of seeing this match for free. This is different than saving the match for a future PPV by doing a DQ or countout finish (as we'll see is the case with RAW later in this Recap). This was simply a matter of WCW promising a match, starting it, assuring us repeatedly that they'd stick with it all the way through, then on cue yanking it away from us. I've no doubt that the weekend shows will get higher ratings as fans tune in to see what happened and if Sting is still the champ. Starrcade has come and gone and how much has WCW changed? The endless title changes aside ... not much. Hogan is still a jerk, while Bischoff is still a bigger jerk. The NWO still has as much pull as they ever did, and is just as capable of as much as they were before Hogan's loss. Sting won the belt, but it took Bret Hart for him to do so. WCW's Title now has even less credibility than the WWF's as it was won by a guy who hadn't wrestled in over a year, and it took him help to do so. It was lost by a guy who rarely defended it anyway before the loss. The only real difference I can see between the pre-Starrcade WCW and the post-Starrcade WCW is that Tony Schiavone now has a pair of balls and feels confident enough to trash the NWO out loud. They still haven't officially announced the new TBS show to the public. The only ones who know about it are the fans on the Internet and those in the town where tickets are now on sale. The other 90% of WCW's audience has absolutely no clue that there is even a show being put together. The TV schedules for January don't even list it. If the show only pulls in mediocre ratings it's WCW's own damn fault. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WWF RAW is WAR: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Two Hours. Location: Long Island, New York. WWF RAW Hosted By: Jim Ross, Michael Cole and Kevin Kelly. - They recap the DeGeneration X situation leading to Helmsley's winning of the European Title. - (The Artist Formerly Known As) Goldust heads to the ring with Luna, dressed in a large diaper and baby bonnet. Like the new year's baby he is he wishes us a happy one. He announces his entry in the upcoming Royal Rumble, then promises to give "Stone Cold" Steve Austin a new year's present: a shiny black thong bikini bottom. Goldust says he and Austin can play dress up. Goldust will be Barbie, Austin will be Ken. *KEE-RASH!* Austin, in street clothes, chases Goldust out of the ring. Over the mic he promises that his antics of 1997 will continue into 1998. He adds that there's no way that he'll wrestle Goldust, and offers him a new year's present of his own. A large object draped in black cloth is lowered from the ceiling. A pull of the rope and a port-a-potty, labeled "Crapper 3:16" is unveiled. Goldust tries a sneak attack as Austin is showing off the john, but Austin nails him with the door of the privvy and tosses him in. Goldust pops back out, but Austin Stone Cold Stunners him, tosses him back in and tips it over. It's a night of "mystery boxes" as they show a large crate sitting on the stage. They hype the rest of the card, including the Owen/Helmsley match, a gang of jobbers looking to beat up Kane ... and Mike Tyson? - LOS BORICUAS vs. THE DOA who cares? This is a "Long Island Brawl", meaning the three remaining members of DOA (Crush having flown the coop, apparently) take on pretty much all four members of Los Boricuas at once. No tags, and I guess no rules either. Jose Estrada, the Boricua who's supposed to sit the match out, gets involved. The DOA still win, with Chainz pinning the illegal man. At least it was quick. - Hunter Hearst Helmsley is in the ring and he announces that he can't defend his European Title tonight. On crutches, he says he dislocated his kneecap in a match the night before. Owen Hart will have to wait for another night to get beat up, HHH says. Hunter then addresses the Undertaker, saying that Shawn Michaels is at home sick, and that the Undertaker will also have to wait to get beaten up by Shawn. The lights go out and the Undertaker's music starts up. Men in robes push a large casket to the ring. The casket opens and instead of the Undertaker, Shawn Michaels pops out. The D-X music kicks in as Shawn dances around. Chyna stands nearby and theres something different about her ... she seems ... bigger ... fuller ... more topheavy. Shawn introduces the "two newest members of DeGeneration X", pointing to Chyna's new inflated chest. Shawn says she's now the "breast looking woman around!" Hunter says they'll have to change their name to "Double D-Generation X!" Ahh ... boob jokes rule! Shawn tells Owen that he'll have to wait for his shot at Hunter, and that the Undertaker will get his third and last shot at Shawn's title. Commissioner Slaughter comes. Shawn calls him a dirty old man who wants to look at Chyna's new breasts. Slaughter calls Hunter "Cripple H" and tells Hunter that since he is injured, Shawn Michaels will have to take his place in tonight's match. And for no other reason than he can, he puts Shawn's World Heavyweight Title on the line. Yeah, I'd say business just picked up! - KEN SHAMROCK vs. KAMA MUSTAFA (w/ the Nation of Domination) Shamrock takes just a couple of minutes to make Kama tap out with via ankle submission. Faarooq and D-Lo start to enter the ring, but Rocky Maivia appears on the ramp and calls them off. For the second week in a row he delivers a rambling speech: the long and short of which is that Shamrock will have to wrestle Faarooq next week. Faarooq doesn't look too happy that Rocky is calling the shots for him. - Vince McMahon delivers a short, pretaped speech wishing all the fans a happy new year. - JERRY "THE KING" LAWLER/BRIAN CHRISTOPHER vs. TAKA MICHINOKU/??? Taka has a mystery partner for the match. Lawler gets on the mic and says he's learned that Jim Ross is Brian Christopher's father, and that from now on we should call Brian "Good Old B.C." Taka then comes out by himself. It's time for his partner to come out and I'm sure you're all thinking the Great Sasuke, or Hakushi or Scott Putski. Nope, it's ... George "the Animal" Steele?! The Animal chases Lawler out of the ring and chews up a turnbuckle pad. That's pretty much his entire involvement in the match. Taka and Brian pretty much wrestle a singles match, with Lawler occasionally interfering on Christopher's behalf. Eventually the Animal comes in and attacks Christopher with a foreign object, drawing a DQ for Taka and himself. The Animal tears up the ringside area and chases the ref from the ring. Good for a laugh, but that's about it. It's mentioned during the match that Taka and Brian will meet at the Royal Rumble in another match for the Light Heavyweight Title. The crate on the stage starts to shake. WWF WAR ZONE Hosted By: Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler. - The New Age Outlaws come to the ring carrying hockey sticks and wearing New York Ranger jerseys. They show their "greatest hits" on the Titan- Tron; clips of the beatings they've dished out to Dude Love and Mankind over the last three weeks. Dude Love comes on the screen and says he's 0 for 3 against the NAO, so he'll let someone a bit tougher take care of them. His picture morphs into Mankind, who adds that he'd normally be the one to take care of them, but since this is Long Island, that means Mrs. Foley's little boy is home again. Mankind morphs again, becoming Cactus Jack! Cactus says this time he's brought some help: "Chainsaw" Charlie?!!! - ROAD DOG (w/ Billy Gunn) vs. CACTUS JACK Cactus brings a sorry looking barbed-wire baseball bat to the ring. Jim Ross mentions that the NAO will face the Legion of Doom at the Royal Rumble. The match itself never really gets on track. Cactus fights both guys for awhile until the ref eventually DQ's the tag team for interference. Cactus receives a few nasty chairshots. After the match they fight their way up the ramp. cactus slams Road Dog into the crate. Suddenly a high-pitched whine is heard, as a chainsaw blade rips through the front of the crate. A few swipes and a crude doorway is cut through the face of the large box. It's "Chainsaw" Charlie! Charlie chases the NAO down to and around the ring. (Imagine a scuzzy looking hillbilly waving around a chainsaw, wearing a nylon over his face.) He pauses to scrape the chainsaw blade against a ringpost, which allows the NAO time to escape. (Lest you fear that the crowd was in danger, it looked to me like the chainsaw was gimmicked so that the chain wasn't moving. It did shoot out sparks, though, which looked impressive.) Cactus and Charlie stood in the ring as the crowd gave a loud, albeit puzzled reaction. Yes, "Chainsaw" Charlie is Terry Funk. - Sable comes to the ring for an interview with Kevin Kelly. Kelly shows off the cover of the issue of the RAW magazine which has Sable on it. Sable is about to remove her robe and give a sneak peek at the contents of the issue when Marc Mero comes to the ring. Mero brings in a chair and sits down, saying he wants to see the show like everyone else. Mero then begins to harass Sable, asking her if she's going to do something which will embarrass him. Kelly tries to stick up for her, which draws a low blow from Mero. Kelly crumples to the mat (yes!) Tom Brandi runs out and nails Mero from behind. He then helps Sable from the ring, but Mero gets in a sneak attack of his own, eventually delivering the TKO on a steel chair. Mero tears up the RAW magazine and shoves the pages in Brandi's mouth. - A contingent of wrestlers head to the ring: the DOA, Head Bangers, Flash Funk and Scott Taylor. They call out Kane, claiming that it's time for them to get a little revenge for past attacks on Kane's behalf. The lights go red and Kane does indeed come out. They form a circle around him as he signals for the fireworks on the ringposts to go off. Suddenly the lights go out again and the Undertaker appears. He comes to the ring amidst cries by Jim Ross that Kane's moments on this Earth are numbered. The Undertaker enters the ring, standing toe-to-toe with his brother. He and Kane begin raining punches, but not at each other: at the other wrestlers in the ring! In the space of a heartbeat the ring has been emptied of all but the Undertaker and Kane. The Undertaker stalks off, repeating his vow to the camera that he'll never fight his own brother. - Road Dog and Billy Gunn are in the lockerroom yelling at Michael Cole about how they're sick of everything. Moments later the chainsaw can be heard and the two head for the hills as the door is sawed down. Charlie and Cactus hit the scene. - Jim Cornette delivers a scathing diatribe on the overall state of wrestling. He says WCW is terrible, ECW is embarrassing, and the WWF just plain stinks. He trashes Connecticut and his having to move there to work for the WWF full time. He says the WWF has become disgusting, citing several instances from last week's installment of RAW. He says the problem is wrestling is run by guys who don't have a clue what the fans want. He trashes Eric Bischoff, then blames the woes of the WWF on a "building full of yankees" who spend all day "listening to what the fans on the Internet say!" He says it's time that the WWF gets back to actual WRESTLING, and that if no one else is going to do it, he will. I'd have given an "amen", but Jerry Lawler beat me to it. - Sunny interrupts Jim Ross' announcement regarding Mike Tyson, parading halfway to the ring in a sexy outfit. Ross then continues the announcement, saying the WWF has just entered into negotiations to have Mike Tyson participate in some way, shape or form at WrestleMania 14 (which an earlier promo in the show reminded was only thirteen weeks away). - OWEN HART vs. SHAWN MICHAELS They show some clips of recent activities by Owen before the match. Owen's music is the same as he had before his brief disappearance. (I'd have normally done a blow-by-blow for this match, but I'm already several hours late with this Recap as it is.) Owen is almost totally in control for the bulk of the match. Shawn takes bumps left and right. A commercial in the middle kills a little of the fire of the match (though I've read that for the live crowd the match never slowed a bit during the break). After a nice sequence of Owen coming oh-so-close to getting the pin time after time, Helmsley reaches in with one of his crutches and nails Owen, earning Shawn a DQ. Helmsley comes in and beats on Owen with the crutch as the show ends. - Next week: Ken Shamrock vs. Faarooq. Comments: This one had a little of everything. The main event was good, promising at least one decent PPV main event to take place sometime in 1998 between these two. None of the other matches stood out, but things were kept going at a fast pace, with several surprises. It was nice to see the WWF finally deliver on one of those out of left field rumors we keep seeing on the Internet (Terry Funk). Helmsley does appear to be legitimately hurt, though probably not all that seriously. I thought they were going to announce several entrants into the Royal Rumble this week? The only name I caught was Goldust, and that's because he threw it. Oh well, there's still three weeks to go. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Bottom Line: Both shows improved this week, providing a fairly solid end for the year and setting up all kinds of interesting things for 1998. (Yes, I'm rushing here.) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- This Week's Winner: RAW. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Slobberknocker Central" and "Monday Night Recap" are copyright 1997 by John Petrie, and all opinions expressed therein are his own, and not those of "Internet Access, Inc". Check the "Slobberknocker Central" main page for info on how to receive the "Recap" free via E-Mail every week. Volume One, Number 111 of the "Monday Night Recap", December 29th, 1997. John Petrie petrie@bji.net Slobberknocker Central http://www.bji.net/pages/petrie/index.html