[Slobberknocker Central Monday Night Recap #89] (07/28/97) [NOTE: I'm just shaking off the last lingering affects of a bout of flu which nailed my entire family over the weekend. (I think my cat and two dogs even got it!) Anyway, I may not be able to go into all that much detail in this week's Recap, as I generally feel like crap. If it seems a bit brief this week, incoherent, or I lapse into random spurts of profanity, blame the flu. In an unrelated note, anyone else check out r.s.p-w., only to find 3000 posts from the same guy? After I killfiled his five separate names, there were less than 300 actual posts. What a dick.] WCW Monday Nitro: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Two Hours+. Location: Charleston, West Virginia. HOUR ONE Hosted By: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay and Larry Zbyszko. - I happened to actually pay attention to the opening this week, and noticed for the first time that the Giant, Lex Luger and the Steiners are the ones prominently featured in the building side projections. I wonder how many weeks (months) it's been like that? They start off with the Nitro Girls again. Their physical attractiveness aside, is it unfair for me to maintain my opinion that they really bite? - RIC FLAIR/CURT HENNIG vs. VICIOUS & DELICIOUS Schiavone and Tenay make total jackasses of themselves by trying to sell to us, the fans, that Hennig is truly a member of the Horsemen. Of course Larry isn't sure, which provides us, the fans, that shadow of a doubt needed to keep speculating as to whether or not he really is. Check back next April to see if they've resolved this one yet. This one was pretty dull, but that didn't stop the crowd from really getting into it. Hennig gets his first loud pop in WCW when he slaps Bagwell on the back of the head, after Bagwell had been celebrating a successful drop-kick on Flair. Flair and Bagwell wrestle a very long stretch together (through a commercial break even). Norton then tags in. Flair sells a clothesline in the corner like the night they pulled his carcass from that plane crash back in the 70's. Hennig comes in for a drop-kick on Norton and not only doesn't he (Norton) sell it, the crowd doesn't react much either. Hennig is finally tagged in, leaving Flair available for the angle of which which this whole match has been a time killer for. Syxx comes to ringside and yanks down Flair's shorts. For a moment white flesh, as white as the underbelly of a shark or cave amphibian, glares under the hot arena lights. Flair tussles with Syxx on the floor. Norton comes over to help, leaving Bagwell all alone in the ring with Hennig to fall prey to a Hennigplex. Hennig recieves another loud pop, though a great deal of it seems aimed at the misfortune of Bagwell, who was way over as a hell with the crowd. I'm not positive, but I believe WCW edited the butt-shot out of the replay. I have the live show on tape, but my brother says they used a different camera angle on the replay. - The Nitro Girls welcome us back from the commercial break. - Mean Gene Okerlund brings out Lex Luger. Luger announces that WCW has been absolutely mental when it comes to "Hollywood" Hogan not defending his belt. Luger's lawyers pointed out what peabrains WCW officials are by reminding them that there is a clause in Hogan's contract stating that he must defend his belt once every thirty days. (Okay, he never used the terms "mental" and "peabrains", those were added by me). In short, WCW FINALLY remembered what used to be known by all fans for the last thirty years or so. Because of this, Hogan must defend the belt against Luger next week on Nitro. My fisrt question is will they remember this after Road Wild and continue to make Hogan (or whoever) defend the belt every thirty days? My second question is how stupid is WCW to give away a three hour card with a Luger/Hogan title match for free? More on this later. - ULTIMO DRAGON vs. PRINCE IAUKEA They replay clips of the Dragon beating Steven Regal for the TV Title. The Prince gives the Dragon a hard time, turning a squash into a fairly competitive match. I wish WCW would decide whether or not Iaukea is supposed to suck or not. The Dragon wins with the Dragon Sleeper, which isn't a sleeper at all. - Ric Flair comes out to be interviewed by Mean Gene. Flair brings out Hennig, who makes it clear that he's still a "free agent". The announcers are all confused, and do everything but beg the fans to stay tuned to this angle. - CHRIS BENOIT/STEVE MCMICHAEL vs. THE TEXAS HANGMEN The Hangmen used to stink up the AWA, and most recently smelled up the joint in the AWF. Benoit gets the win with the Crippler Crossface, and Tenay nearly has an orgasm pointing out that the Hangman "tapped out". The highlight of the match itself was a hilariously shaky Tombstone Piledriver delivered by Mongo. He nearly dropped the Hangman, and staggered around the ring before getting his footing solid enough to do the move. During the match the Outsiders phone in, claiming to be in Michigan. The SECOND this happened my dad said they were probably calling from the back. When my dad, who's older than Terry Funk, can spot an angle coming, you KNOW it's an obvious one. (I'm sure it's only a coincidence that Bret Hart and the WWF did this same thing several weeks ago). - More Nitro Girls. - ALEX WRIGHT vs. CHRIS JERICHO Wright beats Jericho with a German Suplex to win the Cruiserweight Title. I refuse to say anything else about this crap, other than to officially proclaim the cruiserweight division dead. - Mean Gene interviews Jeff Jarrett, Debra McMichael and Dean Malenko. Dean accepts Jarrett's offer to join his new stable, but conditional on the fact that Jarrett stops showing interest in adding Eddy Guerrero to the group. Jarrett tells him not to worry. Debra says they aren't interested in adding just anybody. HOUR TWO Hosted By: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. - SYXX vs. DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE Syxx doesn't do all that much but take punishment in this one. Page looks to be on track to an easy win when Vincent of the NWO appears on the apron. Page knocks him to the floor, meaning the referee must now spend the next several moments occupying himself with him. Syxx tries to slap on the Buzzkiller, but Page turns it into a Diamond Cutter. Vincent has made his way back onto the apron and has tied up the ref. Suddenly Curt Hennig appears and he rabbit punches Page with a pair of knuckle dusters, paying him back for Page's sneak attack from last week. He rolls Syxx's near lifeless form onto him then leaves. The ref, having missed all this, turns around and makes the three count. Syxx gets the upset, (with "upset" being defined as "any finish which would upset the fans"). Schiavone and Tenay are now convinced that Hennig ISN'T a Horseman, since he helped the NWO win a match. - DEAN MALENKO vs. HECTOR GUERRERO Dean has no problem putting Hector away with the Texas Cloverleaf. Jarrett celebrates for Malenko after the match. Both stomp on Guerrero. Hector, by the way, is really ugly. To be more precise, Hector's shorts are really ugly. - Mean Gene interviews Konan. K-Doggy says he's going to beat up all the other Mexican wrestlers. - THE GIANT vs. THE GREAT MUTA Randy Savage taunts the Giant from the crowd, just as he did with DDP for the last several months. Eric Bischoff then comes to the announcer's desk and tells Tenay and Heenan to take off. Eric says there's no way Luger will get a title shot against Hogan next week. He and Tony verbally spar as Muta stalls in and around the ring. The two finally lock up, with Muta taking control by focusing on the Giant's legs. Muta gets in a few minutes of offense until the Giant starts to come back. As one might expect, the Giant latches on the chokeslam. He then covers for the pin, which was something of a shocker. Bischoff sputters as Schiavone leaves. Then Larry Zbyszko comes out and tells Bichoff to get off his set. He grabs Eric by the head and tows him to the ring. Bischoff slugs him like a little girl, all in a vain effort to get away. Zbyszko hands him over to the Giant, who signals his thanks, then chokeslams Bischoff to the mat. The Giant gives the "NWO 4-Life" sign and exits the ring. Now this was cool. This I marked out for. - Nitro Girls. - KONAN vs. LA PARKA (w/ Sonny Onoo) La Parka comes to the ring with a chair bearing Konan's name. Konan puts him away fairly quickly with the Tequila Sunrise submission hold. Psychosis comes out to make sure Konan doesn't do any extracurricular damage to La Parka. On the way to the commercial they show Bischoff being chokeslammed again. - Tony contacts James J. Dillon via telephone regarding the next big announcement for the show. Dillon quickly confirms that Luger will indeed face Hogan next week, then announces that they will make an effort to get Sting back in the ring by September. He says there is a rumor that Sting will appear next week, and if he does, Dillon will be there to make him an offer. - RANDY "MACHO MAN" SAVAGE (w/ Liz) vs. SCOTT STEINER (w/ Rick Steiner) This must have been a "no DQ" or "no countout", since both men spend a few minutes outside the ring and the ref doesn't even make a count. The match just drags on and on, going all over the place but never looking all that good no matter what they do (brawl, wrestle, etc.). Finally Hall and Nash come out and interfere, causing the DQ (wait a minute). The Giant comes to the ring and calls Kevin Nash in. Nash says he isn't going to fight for free. Nash teases entering the ring just as the show ends. Actually, they end with one last look at Bischoff being chokeslammed. - Next week: Hogan vs. Luger. Comments: I only watched about five minutes of this during the live broadcast, and little more than that during the replay. I only watched the whole show on tape as I wrote this Recap. With the exception of Zbyszko beating up on Bischoff, I was bored and unimpressed with the bulk of the show. They didn't even have any decent cruiserweights going at it (and no, I don't count the Wright/Jericho match as remotely decent). Wright still looks awkward stringing together even the most basic of moves, and has no business wearing a title belt of any kind. Jericho was given a month to prove he could draw and apparently failed miserably. With Malenko and Guerrero tied in with the Jarrett angle, the Ultimo Dragon owning the TV Title, and all the Mexicans feuding with Konan, WCW has completely decimated the cruiser- weight division. The tag team division is in even worse shape, as there seems to be no more teams competing, and a pair of champions who wouldn't defend the belts against them anyway. Of course WCW is too busy building up the Outsiders vs. the Steiners. I'll say it again: if the Steiners don't win the belts, tag team wrestling in WCW has completely outlived it's usefulness. The only tag matches this week were blow-off matches involving the Horsemen and NWO. I still don't get the TV Title situation either. They don't even seem to be establishing a contender for that belt. The Dragon's win over Regal seems to have killed the angle they had building upon for him for months (the way he would continually challenge the likes of Hogan, Flair, Savage and Page to face him). Regal should be mixing it up with that level of talent. Instead he keeps fighting with cruiserweights over the TV Title. Go figure. I'm not even sure why I'm mentioning Regal, since he didn't wrestle (and rarely does) on Nitro. I wasn't all that impressed with RAW either this week, but Nitro just plain sucked. I told my brother thar Nitro was the winner this week ... until I actaully watched it all. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WWF RAW is WAR: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Two Hours+. Location: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. HOUR ONE Hosted By: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler. - They start things off with a very long recap of last week's show (nearly five minutes). Then after the opening, the Hart Foundation comes to the ring for an interview. McMahon asks Jim Ross to do the honors. Ross announces that Gorilla Monsoon will name a new WWf Commissioner next week, and any disciplinary action to be taken against Bret Hart will be decided by the new commissioner. Hart then launches into his interview, first hinting that he's the reason that Mark Messier left Pittsburgh, then went on to rail against the concept of "justice" in America (pointing out O.J. Simpson as an example). He then says he only meant he would never wrestle again in the U.S. as a figure of speech, but that the WWF took the opportunity to paint him into a corner. He pretty much just rambles on from that point on for several minutes. He eventually wraps up by announcing that he will face the Patriot in the main event. - LOS BORICUAS vs. THE LEGION OF DOOM What's the point of having the four Boricuas when Savio Vega and Miguel Perez do most of the wrestling? A nothing special match that ends with a DQ when the other two Boricuas jump Animal, while the Godwinns come out and beat on Hawk on the floor. Hawk gets slopped. - The WWF finally officially mentions the upcoming time change for RAW. - They rrecap the Hunter Hearst Helmsley/Mankind feud. Helmsley delivers comments regarding his cage match with Mankind at SummerSlam. - HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY (w/ Chyna) vs. VADER (w/ Paul Bearer) I was really looking forward to seeing Vader beat the piss outta HHH. No match. Mankind, dressed as a WWF cameraman, attacks Helmsley in the ring. The two brawl out into and through the crowd. (Hey, at least Vader didn't have to job again. While the action was still in the ring, Chyna tried to help HHH, but ended up dropping astraddle the top turnbuckle, bruising more than her pride. - Brief comments from the Commandante of the Truth Commission. Back from the break, they introduce boxer Michael Moorer to the crowd. They then play more comments from Brakus, the soon to arrive newcomer from Germany. - RECON/SNIPER/THE INTERROGATOR (w/ The Commandante) vs. FUNK/HOLLY/JAMMES Gorilla Monsoon, briefly joining the crew at ringside, says recent events have prompted him to hire a commissioner for the WWF. The Truth Commission is really, really lame. There's no place for junk like this in the WWF. It's just three big guys will little discernable wrestling talent. Their only assett seems to be "The Interrogator", who McMahon and Ross repeatedly mention as being nearly seven feet tall. They quickly squash Flash Funk, Bob Holly and Jesse Jammes. McMahon then phones a kid in New York, who is the first of two winners in the SummerSlam million dollar contest. - They run a feature of the Patriot, which unfortunately is only pieced together from footage of his two previous brief RAW appearances. After a commercial, he delivers some comments regarding the upcoming match against Bret Hart. - CRUSH (w/ The DOA) vs. FAAROOQ (w/ The NOD) Ahmed is among the Nation members who come out, and his return gets only the scarcest mention by the announcing team. So much for a triumphant return. Only a few minutes of blah action passes when all eight men enter the ring, earning a DQ or something. Los Boricuas run out as well to join the melee. They transition the two hours with comments from some mostly pro-American Pittsburgh fans. HOUR TWO Hosted By: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler. - "STONE COLD" STEVE AUSTIN/DUDE LOVE vs. THE GODWINNS. Owen Hart and the British Bulldog sit in for color commentary, rooting for the Godwinns. During the match, the Bulldog challenges Ken Shamrock to come out for an armwrestling match later in the show. An okay match, but it ends before it could really distinguish itself. Austin gets knocked to the floor and is attacked by Owen Hart. Austin is counted out, ending the match. Austin then jumps Owen. It's four on two as Owen, The Bulldog and the Godwinns beat on Austin and Dude Love, until the LOD come out for the save. - Ken Shamrock comes to ringside with a folding card table, presumably intending to, answer the Bulldog's challenge. - DEVON STORM vs. ACE DARLING Storm wins very quickly and less than impressively with a roll-up pin. He had tried a powerbomb, but darling turned it into a huracanrana. Storm rolled through it for the pin. McMahon then calls another finalist in the million dolar contest. After several tries, some lucky sap in Indiana gets the call. - THE BRITISH BULLDOG vs. KEN SHAMROCK Have any of these spur-of-the-moment armwrestling challenges ever had a clean win? The Bulldog, on the verge of losing, hits Shamrock with a headbutt. He then goes to work on him with a chair. Finally, he opens a big can of dog food and smears the contents all over him. - GOLDUST (w/ Marlena) vs. ROCKABILLY (w/ The Honky Tonk Man) Goldust and Marlena taunt Brian Pillman before the match, asking him if he'd like to wear one of Marlena's dresses. A mannequin at ringside has a golden dress on. Marlena says her girlfriends don't think he (Pillman) fills out his tights, and her hairdresser and his friiends might find him "ripe for the picking" if he put the dress on. This match doesn't go anywhere either, as Rockabilly quickly ends up on the floor and taunts Michael Moorer, giving him a slap. Moorer responds with a right cross, which knocks him out. Pillman then runs out and attacks Goldust with part of the mannequin. Marlena jumps Pillman from behind, and several WWF officials have to pry her off him. - They run an interesting video package on the Undertaker. Bret, Shawn Michaels, and the British Bulldog each comment on the Undertaker. This may be snippets of footage from that four hour special that recently aired in the UK. - Shawn Michaels comes out. they had hyped his appearance all evening, promising a big announcement. Instead, Shawn pretty much just says he's going to sit in for color commentary during the Hart/Patriot match. - BRET "HITMAN" HART vs. THE PATRIOT Since this Recap is really running late, and this match-while good-was far from spectacular, I'll jump ahead to the finish: The ref had taken a slight bump. Bret covers for a pin, but the ref, slightly groggy, makes a slow count. This allows enough time for Shawn to run up to the ring and pull Bret off, breaking the count. Then, as Bret yells at Shawn, he is rolled up from behind by the Patriot for the upset pin. The Patriot heads out holding the U.S. flag high. Bret tries to go after him, then teases going after Shawn. The show (which had run about ten minutes over again) ends with the Undertaker's theme starting up, suggesting that he is about to come out to take care of Hart. - Next week: Debut of the new WWF Commissioner. Comments: A fairly flat show, but one that succeeded in touching on every single match on the SummerSlam card. I guess that was it's only real purpose, and in that it did a good job. Otherwise, it was pretty dull. Having the Godwinns NOT win the tag titles makes their upcoming SummerSlam match with the LOD pretty pointless, other than it being the usual grudge match. I'm not going to run down the SummerSlam card, since I think we all know it by now. I will just comment on one specific match. Does anyone else think the Mankind/Helmsley cage match could really suck? The only thing that has made their feud interesting is theier recent roaming through the crowd, or outside the ring. Putting the match in a cage locks them into the ring, where they can't do much more than slam each other into the cage. Imagine their King of the Ring match without any of the action on the floor, and you might see the type of match I fear may happen. I'll be getting SummerSlam, but I think this week's show actually dulled some of my enthusiasm for it. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Bottom Line: Is WCW just plain stupid? Are they actually giving away the Road Wild main event for free? In case you've been under a rock, you've probably heard by now that Nitro will be three hours long next week. To combat RAW's moving to the one hour later timeslot, Nitro will be stretched out to three hours, with the third hour being dubbed "Nitro Plus". It's presumably during this that they will have the Hogan/Luger match, as well as a Sting appearance. WCW is so afraid that RAW may win the ratings war (which it nearly did this week) that they will do anything to undercut RAW's chance of success. Despite the fact that Monday Night Football makes it's return next week, (which will already have a negative impact on RAW-it always does), WCW felt the need to put something up against RAW's unopposed second hour. The third hour will be on TNT, but for one week only. (Starting the week after that, Nitro will replay immediately after the live show. "Robin Hood" is being moved by TNT to Saturday nights. This will leave RAW unopposed for both hours on the west coast, which seems to confirm the speculation that the west coast viewers aren't even counted in the ratings for RAW). If "Nitro Plus" does well, it may return once a month the week prior to that month's PPV. Of course, nothing says the Hogan/Luger match will last much more than ten seconds, and be nothing more than a tease for the PPV. However, there does exist the possibility that Luger will take the belt, only to lose it back to Hogan at the PPV. Unless Luger and Hogan have a lengthy match, WCW will have to use most of their roster to fill out the three hour show. Any other long matches in the undercard would probably draw chants of "boring!" This whole thing is a huge risk on WCW's part, as they will have to draw an audience for three hours. Logically, the first hour wouldn't be all that impressive, since they have to save so much to go up against RAW. If the fans sense this in the least, they may tune out for the first hour, which could bring the show's average down. The same could happen in the second hour if they have to save all the big stuff for the third. There's also the possibility that fans may have watched the first two hours and simply decided they've had enough by the time the third rolls around, who can say? RAW has it's own problems in that it has to bring it's audience in an hour later, with the later second hour still being unproven ratings-wise for the most part. The 10:00 PM Eastern hour could prove to be disastrous to both shows, especially with the NFL game on ABC. It's doubtful that the three hours would in any way "bury" RAW in the ratings. Having to average the show over three hours really precludes that possibility. On the other hand, Nitro could actually lose, and it would count, since both shows were head-to-head. Nitro could have let RAW off the hook, then claimed it didn't count if they somehow lost in the ratings since they weren't truly head-to-head. Now they have no one to blame but themselves if they lose. It would be ironic, since a win next week would be their 52nd straight head-to-head win, or in other words an entire year. WCW has bet this momentous bragging chip in a crazy game of suicide poker. In case you haven't yet heard, Nitro got a 3.4 (possibly rounded up to a 3.5) this week. This is not only down from last Tuesday's show, but from the regular Monday night show the week before that. RAW earned a 2.9, which was their highest regular Monday night score since last summer. The margin of difference was among the smallest in the last year. The second hour individual scores were even closer than the overall average. (Ratings courtesy the Bagpipe newsletter). For me, it all comes down next week to a battle between what should be, at the very least, an unusual and surprising RAW, and a stretched out Nitro with a match we've all seen before. Not only will RAW recap SummerSlam, but it will also kick off the next two or three months worth of angles. I'd also assume we may see a top star match, involving Hart, Austin, Michaels, or the Undertaker in some combination against one another. Or Cain. Or something completely new and unexpected. Hogan/Luger has been done before on Nitro, and it wasn't a good match by any stretch of the imagination. It should be even worse now that Hogan is a heel and will obviously stall, beg off, and do everything but work in the ring. The prospect of Luger taking the belt, while momentous, won't make the match any better, and will almost assuredly be reversed at the PPV if it does indeed happen. RAW has already had the World Title change hands this year, so there wouldn't be any kind of one-upsmanship there. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- This Week's Winner: RAW. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Slobberknocker Central" and "Monday Night Recap" are copyright 1997 by John Petrie, and all opinions expressed therein are his own, and not those of Internet Access, Inc.