(NOTE: I'm going to have to keep it really brief this week. A lot have stuff has come up and either I do this briefly, or wait until Saturday night to work on it. Given the quality of this week's shows, I don't think I'll be leaving much out. Also, just as a reminder, Slobberknocker Central, the home of the "Monday Night Recap," has moved. Check the end of this post for the new address). - Quick Shotgun Saturday Night (2/1) Recap: * Ahmed Johnson defeated Vader via disqualification when Mankind interfered. * Mankind defeated the British Bulldog (with the help of Vader). * Savio Vega defeated "Double J" Jesse James. * The Godwinns and Headbangers brawled to a "no-decision" as the show ended. WWF Monday Night RAW: Taped 1/31. Hosted by Vince McMahon and Kevin Kelly. - They show about a one minute clip of Steve Austin winning the Royal Rumble. This, and maybe two other equally short clips, constitute the "Royal Rumble" portion of what is repeatedly billed as "Royal Rumble RAW." Bret Hart waits in the back to give an interview later in the show. - VADER (w/ Paul Bearer) vs. "STONE COLD" STEVE AUSTIN Hart comes out before the match can start and he and Austin brawl. Numerous officials separate the two. Hart is escorted to the back. This is to name the "Toughest Man in Toronto." They engage in what I'd consider a fairly lackluster brawl. After each man dominates roughly half the match Austin gets himself disqualified by kicking, then "Stone Cold Stunner"-ing the ref. They go outside and tuslle around a bit more, involving the ring steps, before the other officials can break it up. The entire point of the match seemed to be to show how much better things will be when there is no DQ at the next In Your House. - Jim Ross interviews Savio Vega. Vega says the fans stink. - SAVIO VEGA (w/ the Nation of Domination) vs. FLASH FUNK Funk pretty much dominates the match. He has Savio down on the mat and prepares to land a move off the top rope, but decides to plancha an NOD member on the floor. By the time he gets back up to the top and tries a moonsault, yes... Savio moves out of the way and gets the pin. Savio embraces Faarooq following the match. Funk really tried, but Savio didn't give him much to work with. - Vince McMahon interview La Femme Nikita (Peta Wilson). Wow... it didn't take long for the WWF to completely sell out to the USA Network, did it? This is part of the WWF's being able to go to two hours on Mondays (that and apparently making Live Wire no longer live). Concerning "La Femme Nikita," I'll tell ya: I liked the original movie. The U.S. version stank. I haven't even bothered to watch the TV show yet. - Jim Ross interviews Sycho Sid. Sid admits that he was evil at the Survivor Series, and that Shawn was evil at the Royal Rumble. Whuzzat? - The 900 hotline hypes the lowdown on the whereabouts on Yokozuna and Brian Pillman. - Owen Hart and the British Bulldog give comments from the lockerroom. Of course they argue. The Bulldog got a haircut (or was in an accident). - OWEN HART/BRITISH BULLDOG vs. DOUG FURNAS/PHILIP LAFON The crowd is pretty much solidly behind Owen and the Bulldog. McMahon says this is the largest live crowd ever on a Monday night (which may or may not be, but don't be fooled though: the show was not live). The attendance was announced at around 25,000. I won't say this was their worst match yet, but it certainly paled next to their first encounter. Furnas and LaFon wrestled like jobbers for the most part. (Now I'm being harsh). They tease a breakup between Owen and the 'Dog midway through the match when Owen is ready to tag out and the Bulldog is posing to the crowd. Owen then gets knocked into the Bulldog, dumping him off the apron. The two argue as they go to a break. Once back all seems hunkey-dorey. The Bulldog and Furnas go through several moves and reversals, setting up dual hot tags. LaFon takes over on Owen with a couple of suplexes and a leaping DDT that looked awful. LaFon covers for the pin and gets the three count, but the ref waves it off when he notices Owen's foot is on the bottom rope. The Bulldog then comes in and he and Owen double team on LaFon. The Bulldog goes over to the ropes and signals for LaFon to be whipped into him so that he can flip him over the top and out of the ring. Owen whips, but LaFon reverses and Owen gets dumped to the floor. The Bulldog then goes to work on LaFon as the ref counts Owen out. Owen signals that he's injured his leg and tries to call time out, but to no avail. He and the Bulldog argue as they leave, Owen alternately claiming an injured leg and signalling victory to the crowd. I tell ya, by the time Furnas and laFon win the belts at IYH, the fans won't care. There also won't be any other heel tag teams either, so maybe the whole Owen/Bulldog breakup is a swerve to get us looking the wrong way. In any case, I think it's time Furnas and LaFon went back to Japan. - They show a few more seconds of the Rumble: this time Ahmed Johnson and his 2X4. They recap recent events involving Ahmed and the NOD. Ahmed gets himself all worked up as Crush heads to the ring for a match. Ahmed starts to head out to the ring, but the Undertaker stops him with a shove. Ahmed says "*mumble* Dead Man, you won't be dead enough *mumble*!" (I like the guy, but I can't understand a word he says). The Undertaker says "If you go now, you go alone. If you wait, we'll bury them together." Undertaker and Ahmed will face Faarooq and Mankind later in the show. McMahon says the match will happen, promising no bait and switch tactics. What then does he call promising to show the Royal Rumble on TV, then showing less than four minutes total? - CRUSH (w/ The Nation of Domination) vs. GOLDUST (w/ Marlena) Crush stomps his way to a victory. Hunter Hearst Helmsley comes out early in the match (to very little crowd reaction) and does nothing. After a whole lot of stomping, Savio Vega slides in (while the ref is distarcted by Clarence Mason) and spinning heel kicks Goldust. Crush delivers the Heartpunch and gets the pin. Goldust phoned this one in. - A look at the Blackjacks, which consisted of Blackjack Mulligan drooling by a campfire. My assumption is that he'll be managing Barry Windham (his son) and Justin "Hawk" Bradshaw. Okay, so maybe there will be another heel tag team soon. - Shawn Michaels comes out for an interview. The Toronto crowd may like Bret Hart, but they seem to dig Shawn as well. Shawn says he'll be "the worst guy the WWF has ever seen" if that's what it takes to keep the belt. Shawn indirectly compares himself to Muhammed Ali. He says Bret Hart may be "the Best there is, etc." but that it doesn't mean much without the title. This bring out Hart, who says Shawn is more like Dennis Rodman than Ali. He calls Shawn a punk. Just as things start to get heated between them, Steve Austin comes out and attacks Hart. Sid follows, and he and Shawn get nose to nose. They go to a break. Once back, Bret and Shawn are left in the ring, Sid and Austin having been hustled away. Shawn lays the belt at Bret's feet. Bret doesn't move until Shawn tries to pick it back up. Bret steps on the belt, picks it up himself, then drops it at Shawn's feet. - They show a clip of Tiger Ali Singh signing with the WWF. - HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY vs. "WILDMAN" MARC MERO Curtis "The Butler" and Sable are barred from ringside. They show a clip from a decent match between Mero and the Undertaker from Superstars. Sable actually kicked the Undertaker when he had Mero down on the floor. It looks like perhaps both Mero AND Sable will be turning heel, and not just another Randy Savage/Diamond Dallas Page scenario. I suppose this wasn't too bad a match; I'm just so sick of seeing these two go at it. Both guys do all their usual stuff. Mero does a cannonball plancha to the floor, the over the top from the apron legdrop, a huracanrana off the top and his half-twist springboard moonsault: none of it keeps Helmsley down. Helmsley unties a turnbuckle pad, but Mero later points it out to the ref. As the ref reties the pad, Helmsley digs an international object out of his trunks and knocks out Mero for the pin. I can't see how Helmsley has any credibility left whatsoever. I read where someone on the Net remarked that Helmsley is still the champ because his hair is so good. This may not be far off... - They show a clip of Jerry Lawler's three seconds in the Royal Rumble. - MANKIND (w/ Paul Bearer)/FAAROOQ (w/ NOD) vs. UNDERTAKER/AHMED JOHNSON Mankind gives an NOD salute, which was pretty funny. Ahmed clears the ring with his 2X4, then the Undertaker does his usual ring entrance. The 'Taker and Mankind brawl on the floor as Faaroog and Ahmed fight in the ring. There is no DQ in this one. Undertaker slams Mankind into the railing. Faarooq slaps a sleeper on Ahmed, but the Undertaker breaks it up. Jim Ross plays it all as if it's live, promising they will stay with the match no matter how long it lasts. The Undertaker takes over on Faarooq as Ahmed chases the rest of the NOD away from the ring. Clarence Mason then returns with Savio and Crush in tow as they go to a break. Mankind applies the Mandible Claw on the Undertaker. Ahmed comes in and gives Manikind the "Pearl River Plunge." Faarooq slips in and gives Ahmed the "Dominator," which is the face forward suplex. Faarooq lays in a choke to Ahmed as the Undertaker sits up. Undertaker hits Faarooq, but Faarooq doesn't sell it. Mankind is up also and he and Undertaker begin to trade blows. Mankind is forced into the corner, but delivers a mule kick low blow. Mankind retrieves a chair and charges at the Undertaker, but the Undertaker blocks it with a kick, driving it (the chair) into Mankind's head. Ahmed escapes from Faarooq and goes after Savio and Crush on the floor. The Undertaker sets Mankind up for the chokeslam, but Faarooq gets to him as Ahmed chases the NOD off with his 2X4. Faarooq and Mankind then doubleteam the Undertaker until Ahmed returns and nails Faarooq from behind with the 2X4. Ahmed chases Faarooq back to the lockerrooms. Mankind meanwhile has hit the Undertaker with a surprise swinging neckbreaker. He then gets a handful of powder from Paul Bearer. The Undertaker does a weak sit up and slaps the powder away, into Mankind's eyes. Suddenly Vader enters the ring and delivers a splash to the still dazed Undertaker. Vader picks up the groggy Mankind and directs him to pick up the Undertaker. Vader gets a chair and swings for the 'Taker's head, but the Undertaker moves and Mankind takes the shot. Vader then crashes the chair across Undertaker's back, but this seems to revive him. Then the Undertaker drives Vader out of the ring over the top rope with a punch, positions the chair in the middle of the ring and Tombstone Piledrives Mankind onto it. - Next week's main event: Shawn vs. Sid next Thursday. Comments: This was a loaded RAW, and while it delivered as many of the WWF's top stars as WCW usually delivers in it's top stars on Nitro, if not more, only the main event was all that good, and nothing was really memorable. Some might typify the action as at least average, but I found the majority of the show boring. Hyping the show as the "Royal Rumble RAW" was a joke, as they showed less than four minutes of footage. They didn't do anything new anglewise. This was really just a pumped up house show that they taped for airing, and most of the guys on the card seemed flat. I came away from watching it disappointed, given the potential, but I wouldn't call the show bad-just dull. I gave the main event an "A" for effort, and a "B" for being just chaotic enough to keep it interesting. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WCW Monday Nitro: Live. (NOTE: I'm really gonna fly through these. You'll see why). HOUR ONE: Hosted by Tony Schiavone & Larry Zbyszko. - "Hollywood" Hulk Hogan comes out and does the same old interview. - ULTIMATE DRAGON (w/ Sonny Onoo) vs. RAY MENDOZA, JR. Mendoza shows some good moves, but the dragon wins fairly easily with a Dragon Suplex. - GLACIER vs. BILLY KIDMAN Glacier wins. - They run an ad for a black denim NWO jacket, which they're chargin $80 for (not counting shipping). Sorry, but the NWO isn't THAT cool! - ICE TRAIN (w/ Teddy Long) vs. LA PARKA I swear to God the Ice Train is wearing one of Eddy Guerrero's old pair of tights! La Paka hits a plancha to the floor early. Ice Train then pretty much takes over. They cut to the back where the Outsiders have attacked Lex Luger. In actuality all we see is Luger lying on the floor while Hall and Nash taunt him. Hall and Nash have steel pipes. Ice Train gets the pin after a splash. - "Mean" Gene interviews the Four Horsemen. The same old interview. Woman reveals that the mystery woman's name from last week (Miss Texas from the USWA) is either "Jaclyn" or "Jacqueline." Steve McMichael offers to sub for Luger in the match scheduled against Jeff Jarrett later in the show. - Clips of the Steiners from last week. - HARLEM HEAT (w/ Sister Sherri) vs. THE STEINER BROTHERS The Faces of Fear and Public Enemy are seated in the front row watching the match. Not much of a match. Rick Steiner wrestles most of it (perhaps showing how much Scott Steiner has lost from his injury). Scott eventually makes a hot tag and takes over, only to have the match thrown out when the Faces of Fear and Public Enemy run in. I guess this is supposed to generate heat in the tag team division. This concluded the first hour, and I gotta say it was a candidate for one of the worst in recent memory. HOUR TWO: Hosted by Tony Schiavone, Bobby "The Brain" Heenan and Mike Tenay. - They show a snippet of Hogan's earlier rantings. They again show Luger being "laid out" on the concrete in the back. - "MEAN" MIKE ENOS vs. DEAN MALENKO Syxx comes out and steals the Cruiserweight belt. Malenko wins with a small package. They actually put together a fairly competitive match, but they're probably too different in size to do any better. Malenko had to rely on a lot of "submission" holds to stretch out the match. - Lee Marshall phones in from Jacksonville, Florida. - "Mean" Gene interviews Kevin Sullivan, Miss Jacqueline, Konan and Jimmy Hart. Sullivan seems to have accepted Miss Jacqueline as his new... companion. Hart thinks she's up to something. Konan asks Sullivan to let him wrestle Chris Benoit. Miss Jacqueline says her body is all natural, while Debra McMichael's is due to plastic surgery. Sullivan takes a shot at Flair, saying he's all worn out. Miss Jacqueline brandishes a leather belt and warns Nancy to mind her own business tonight. - DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE vs. RENEGADE Page debuts the "Diamond Death Cutter," a Diamond Cutter with the opponent seated on the top rope. After Page's win, Hall and Nash come to the aisle with their pipes, ready to take out Page. They are stopped, however, when the cameras pick up that Sting and Randy "Macho Man" Savage are up in the crowd. Page gets a chair in case he has to defend himself. The Outsiders, (Nash wearing a "Giant" t-shirt, while Hall wears a "Lex Luger" t-shirt), turn and leave. It looks like Page will be the next recruit of Sting's resistance movement. - ALEX WRIGHT vs. SUPER CALO An okay match, but these two guys bore me to tears. Bobby Heenan gets on this hilarious stint where he marvels over how Super Calo's hat doesn't come off. Wright gets the pin after a dropkick off the top. - CHRIS BENOIT (w/ Woman) vs. KONAN (w/ Jimmy Hart) Konan actually uses a Stump Puller! Konan dominates the match, but Benoit battles back with a suplex off the top. Konan takes the momentum back with a crucifix powerbomb (the "Konan Powerdrop"). Benoit pulls off a German suplex. Miss Jacqueline then comes to the ring with the strap. Benoit sees her and tosses Konan over the top rope, causing the DQ. Benoit slides out of the ring and grabs the strap away from her. She then goes nuts, lifting the skirt of the apron, looking under the ring for any kind of a foreign object. Konan and Jimmy Hart have to drag her away. - JEFF JARRETT vs. STEVE "MONGO" MCMICHAEL (w/ Debra) Mongo gets in a few pitiful moves, but Jarrett knocks him to the floor. Steve tries to get back into the ring, but Debra holds him back, causing him to be counted out. "What happened?" Debra coyly asks the camera. - "Rowdy" Roddy Piper comes out with his son Colt. Piper says that it's time he started being a father to his children, and that he declines the offer to wrestle Hogan at SuperBrawl. He says he already beat the guy. Out comes Hogan and Eric Bischoff. Schiavone and Heenan start pleading for Piper to get away, get his son out of the ring safely. "Please Terry," Piper says, "Don't do this man..." Hogan says Piper is low for hiding behind his kid. Okerlund says this isn't the time and place for anything, but Hogan says Piper knew that risk coming out. Bischoff takes the mic and tells Piper to admit that Hogan is the "Icon." Piper acquiesces, mumbling "Hulk Hogan is the 'Icon.'" Hogan then tells Piper to get out of "his" sport. Piper starts to leave, but Hogan takes a few brushing swipes at the back of Piper's head. Piper then kneels in the corner and whispers something to his son. Colt says "get him, dad." Piper yanks his jacket off as Hogan and Bischoff have their backs turned, playing to the crowd. Piper grabs the two and slams them together. He then grabs the belt and knocks Bischoff, who had grabbed a chair, off the apron, then chases Hogan out of the ring. Piper, now in posession of the World Title belt, accepts the match with Hogan at SuperBrawl. "In San Francisco, watch my fist go!" He then hoists the belt and his son on his shoulder. Colt gives the camera a "thumbs up" as the show ends. - Next week's main event: None announced. Comments: With the exception of the last segment, this was a miserable Nitro. The Steiners were the only marquee names who appeared in the first half, and that match was mediocre at best. The second half was almost entirely a waste, if not for the final segment, which had me marking out so bad that I almost had tears in my eyes. It did come very close to crossing the line (the notion of a child in danger), but Hogan took great care in not making any overt actions in that regard. (Just the thought though made the whole situation compelling). I'm even more convinced that Luger is NWO bound. He and the Giant are scheduled to face the Outsiders at SuperBrawl, and I think it's a lock that Luger will turn. Tonight's "attack" was just a cover to set the fans up. It's almost as if WCW was conceding the night to the WWF. They only put the Steiners up against RAW in the first hour, and saved most of their fireworks for after RAW ended (at 9:00, Nitro ran about five minutes over). I won't predict a RAW victory in the ratings, but I'll bet it's close. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Bottom Line: So this week we have a star loaded, middle of the road (with an okay main event) RAW vs. a star lacking, below average (with a great final sequence) Nitro. I'll give it to RAW, but by the end they had me just the slightest bit angry (because little noteworthy happened). Nitro had me angry the whole show because it was so bad (except for the end). Next week Nitro is on unopposed. RAW is preempted for the yearly coverage of the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show, and will instead be on Thursday, live for two hours. The following week, RAW will be live again to wrap up the In Your House "Final Four" PPV. From what I've heard, it'll again be two hours, and perhaps be two hours every week thereafter. They are also supposed to be live more often. As I mentioned above, the USA Network has supposedly agreed to this in return for Live Wire becoming a taped show. They are also doing it because the 9:00 (Eastern) show on USA was getting killed by the second hour of Nitro. After the live RAW on the 17th, (from New York I believe), it'll only be a month or so until WrestleMania, which means we could see some interesting things from the WWF in that time to get the card set up. The WWF will again be doing a Slammy Awards: a two hour broadcast the Friday night before WrestleMania. I don't know if it's on USA, but that's a safe assumption. That, and the next night's Shotgun Saturday Night (if there is one) should make for the WWF's biggest weekend of the year. WCW, during that time period, will be countering with "Uncensored '97." Make up your own joke here. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- This Week's Winner: RAW. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------