WWF Monday Night RAW: Live. Hosted by Vince McMahon, Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler. - The graphic advisory was back this week. Then they showed clips of Bret Hart's run-in with Shawn Michaels at In Your House. Comments from each hyping tonight's head-to-head interview followed. Was I the only one getting terrible sound for this? I had to crank the volume up just to hear it, then lower it when the commercials came up. Some kind of insidious Turner plot I bet. - FAAROOQ/"STONE COLD" STEVE AUSTIN (w/ Nation of Domination) vs. "DOUBLE J" JESSE JAMES/SAVIO VEGA I can't really see the point of this match, except to kind of mix things up and get people anticipating the Royal Rumble. Bret Hart is shown looking on from the back. Vega is clearly dominated by both Austin and Faarooq until he can make a hot tag to James. Jesse then gets in a little offense, but is clearly outmatched. Outside he goes, and while the ref isn't looking he gets nailed in the crotch by Austin. Bret Hart comes out and talks the ref into letting him take James' place. Following a commercial break Hart has assumed James' place in the match. Hart is dressed in street clothes. Actually, he pretty much just stands on the apron while Vega gets his rump kicked by Austin and Faarooq. Eventually Vega makes the tag and Hart comes in against Faarooq. Faarooq is reeling under Hart's assault. Austin tries to double team and gets socked in the mush. Hart then nails Faarooq with a reverse Atomic Drop, a Russian Legsweep, then a fist off the second rope, and finally applies the Sharpshooter. Crush enters the ring and attacks Hart, causing the ref to call for the DQ. Hart and Vega find themselves stomped into the mat by Austin and the entire NWO... err, NOD, until Ahmed Johnson plows into the ring brandishing a 2X4. The NOD depart, and Ahmed does the "You're Going Down!" over the mic again. A less than memorable match which was, I suppose, adequate in continuing the Austin/Hart and Ahmed/Faarooq feuds. - FLASH FUNK (w/ The Funkettes) vs. HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY As Flash enters, Hunter makes comments running down Goldust. What a stupid name-Flash Funk. We already have a "Flash" Norton and Terry Funk. Couldn't McMahon spend another 30 seconds thinking this one over? Flash, in this one, carries Helmsley in what is probably his best match in some time. Goldust and Marlena appear in the crowd again, which is an annoying trend that the WWF has been overusing lately. Flash uses his speed and agility to take brief control, but Helmsley stomps his way back into command. He then applies a chinlock that lasted at least a minute onscreen and probably most way through a commercial break. Next he delivers a dazzling array of punches. These are followed by a plethora of kicks. He does manage a few moves though, a suplex and a fist off the ropes. Jerry Lawler finally gets things wrapped up by getting on the house mic and taunting Goldust. This distracts the ref. Flash goes up top and connects with a crossbody block. The ref is quickly in place to make the count, but it only reaches two. Flash then whips Helmsley into the corner and Hunter does his one bump, the Ric Flair/ Shawn Michaels flop. With Hunter down on the mat, Flash then lands a picture perfect moonsault. The ref again makes a 2 count (and did so quickly, yet the assertion seemed to be that Lawler's antics outside the ring were distracting the ref. The ref was unfortunately too spry for that claim to hold up). Flash then tosses Helmsley out over the top rope. Lawler meanwhile has been drawing Goldust closer to ringside and The King has to be held back by the ref to keep from entering the crowd. This allows Helmsley time to grab his IC belt and knock out Flash with it. Hunter gets the pin as Goldust comes to ringside. Lawler takes off down tha aisle, Goldust slowly following. Hunter begins to follow Goldust, but is grabbed by Flash and dragged back to the ring, where he is tossed from corner to corner. Flash then wallops him with the forward double sommersault splash. Flash dances for the crowd, seemingly oblivious to the fact that he just lost (and it was a non-title match to boot, which the challenger almost always wins). - Promo for Shotgun Saturday Night. I still don't know if any stations in my area will be carrying it or not. I'll find out Thursday when I can pick up a TV Guide. - A voiceover by Dok Hendrix hyping the tour comes up. For just a moment the volume returns to normal, then drops back down to the near inaudible range. - Shawn Michaels comes out for the big interview. Bret Hart follows. Ross announces that Hart will face Vader next week. Shawn says he'll be at ringside for color commentary. Ross then wants to start things off with Shawn, but he insists that the "legendary" Bret Hart go first. Hart criticizes Shawn for not apologizing to him for costing him the belt, especially in light of the fact that Jose Lothario apologized to Shawn when he cost Shawn the title. He accuses Shawn of not defending the belt with the same amount of class that Hart himself did. He then goes on to say that his kids no longer look up to him (Shawn), and that his (Shawn's) lowest point was when he posed for "Playgirl." "You know... I don't even think girls buy that magazine!" He says that Shawn's only fans are 14 year old girls (contradicting his previous statement somewhat). "You talk about being a Man's man-I don't think so! Who's man are you?" Hart finishes up by saying "I... will... kick... you... ASS! And you wanna know why? Because I can!" "I'm glad you finally got that plug out of your butt!" Shawn retorts. He says he's seen Bret on the road and that Bret is definitely no role model. Before he can continue, Sycho Sid comes to the ring. He yells at both men for talking about "his" belt, and says he's looking for some real competition. the lights suddenly dim and The Undertaker's bell tolls. Out comes The Undertaker, but he's jumped by Vader before he can reach the ring. The two trade blows back to the lockerroom. Shawn then crotches Bret on the second rope (Bret had been straddling the ropes, about to exit the ring). Shawn then leaps from the ring to the floor onto Sid, and those two trade shots back to the lockers. This was all pretty wild, but the crowd seemed to fall asleep at the last moment, popping big for the appearance of The Undertaker, then confusedly trying to sort out who to root for. It's nice to know Bret is such a homophobe. - GOLDUST (w/ Marlena) vs. JERRY "THE KING" LAWLER Helmsley and The Honky Tonk Man sit in for color. Lawler comes to the ring, then they take a commercial break, assuring that there'll be little time for anything to happen. Goldust and Hunter exchange words. Hunter hides behind McMahon as Goldust approaches the table. Lawler lands an axehandle shot to Goldust's back off the apron, then tosses him into the ring. Lawler then goes through an assortment of chokes and gouges and the usual dirty maneuvers. Helmsley pops up and grabs Marlena, slinging her over his shoulder and heading down the aisle. Out of nowhere comes Marc Mero to block him. Helmsley, in what one has to wonder was a tightly practiced maneuver, tosses Marlena into Mero's waiting arms, then dodges the charging Goldust. Goldust plows into Mero sending both he and Marlena sprawling to the floor. Helmsley then attacks Goldust, slamming him into the guard rail a few times. He also stomps Mero to the concrete. Meanwhile Lawler is still in the ring and wins by countout. Helmsley is eventually chased off, and the show ends showing us Marlena writhing on the floor in pain. - Next week's main event: Bret Hart vs. Vader. Comments: The interview/brawl was good. The very end was good. The rest was pretty boring. Helmsley showed more fire in his closing attack on Goldust than he did in the entire Flash Funk match (proving that Helmsley has some talent as a thinking man's brawler, but is very much lacking in other areas). Overall, I wasn't impressed. this is the type of RAW where it wasn't all that big a deal if one missed it, since they will easily cover all the high spots over the weekend (though you probably wouldn't be able to hear Hart say "ass" and Michaels say "butt"). Particularly disappointing given that it was a special live edition. WCW Monday Nitro: Live. - Quick Starrcade recap: * Ultimate Dragon defeated Dean Malenko to win the WCW Cruiserweight Title. Dragon's manager Sonny Onoo interfered, causing Malenko to relenquish a Texas Cloverleaf hold. Dragon rolled Malenko up for the pin when Malenko tried to reapply the hold. Dragon now holds nine lightweight titles. * Akira Hokuto defeated Madusa to win the WCW Women's Title. Hokuto was accompanied by Kensuke Sasake and her manager Sonny Onoo. Onoo knocked out Madusa with an American flag that she had brought to the ring. Kensuke Sasake argued with Onoo after the match, disagreeing with Onoo's tactics. * "Mean" Gene Okerlund interviewed "Rowdy" Roddy Piper. * Jushin "Thunder" Liger defeated Rey Mysterio Jr. via pinfall following a powerbomb. * Jeff Jarrett defeated Chris Benoit. Arn Anderson was at ringside in Jarrett's corner. Woman, who accompanied Benoit, was grabbed by Hugh Morrus and Konan. Anderson entered the ring and DDT'ed Jarrett. Kevin Sullivan meanwhile knocked out Benoit with a chair. Jarrett's arm was draped over Benoit, so the ref counted the pinfall. Arn blamed Woman for Benoit's loss. Steve and Debra McMichael then gave an interview to Okerlund. * The Outsiders defeated The Faces of Fear. Kevin Nash and Scott Hall were accompanied by Syxx. The referee was Nick Patrick. Nash pinned Barbarian following a Jacknife. The Outsiders retained the World Tag Team Titles. * "Mean" Gene interviewed "Hollywood" Hulk Hogan and Ted DiBiase. * Eddie Guerrero defeated Diamond Dallas Page to win the vacant U.S. Title. New World Order members Hall, Nash and Syxx came to the ring. Syxx distracted the referee while Hall powerbombed Page (in retaliation for his refusing to join the NWO). Guerrero, who had been dazed outside the ring, hits the Frog Splash and gets the pin. After the match the NWO attacked Guerrero and Syxx took the new U.S. Title belt. * Lex Luger defeated The Giant. The referee was knocked out and Nick Patrick came out and attacked Luger. Luger was attempting to put The Giant in the Torture Rack. Luger tries again and was attacked by Syxx. Sting, who had been out among the crowd, entered the ring carrying a baseball bat. Sting dropped the bat in the center of the ring, then whispered something to both The Giant and Luger in opposite corners. Luger and The Giant fought over the bat, with Luger getting it and using it to knock out The Giant. The referee, Mark Curtis, recovered and made the pin count. * "Rowdy" Roddy Piper defeated "Hollywood" Hulk Hogan in a non-title match. The Giant grabbed Piper and held him up for a chokeslam. Piper broke free, then put Hogan out with a sleeperhold. Piper then held off the rest of the NWO. Hogan blamed The Giant for his loss. During the match a "drunken fan" entered the ring and was tossed out by Hogan and the referee. Hogan retained the World Heavyweight Title. HOUR ONE: Hosted by Tony Schiavone & Larry Zbyszko. - Show starts waaaaay early at something like 6:53 PM (central). Shot of the NWO's black limo's pulling up. The gang is in total denial over Hogan's loss to Piper, instead hyping their other victories. The Giant derails things by bringing up the fact that he's due a title shot. He points out that his name is still on the belt. Hogan reminds him that he dropped the ball at the PPV (losing to Luger and failing to take out Piper). The Giant reminds everyone that he won the 60 man battle royale at World War 3 to get that shot. Hogan says that his shot is in fact a bye, preventing anyone from WCW in getting that shot. While we are left to figure that one out, Ted DiBiase tells the cameraman to get lost. THEN the show's intro rolls, at about it's usual, normal time. - They show stills of The Giant losing to Lex Luger. - THE AMAZING FENCH CANADIANS (w/ Col. Parker) vs. THE PUBLIC ENEMY Ugh, I don't even want to talk about this match. The Canadians are the new Nasty Boys, and both teams are competing to see who'll be the new Bushwhackers. Both teams only have one finisher, and we see them both here. The P.E. do that table shot on the floor which never works. Grunge stands on the apron and Rocco Rock flips over the top rope onto him, killing Grunge on the floor, and leaving himself ripe for the loss. Rock crawl back in the ring and falls victim to the Canadians finisher. Carl Oulette does a forward roll off the top rope while holding onto Jacques Rougeau's hands. The AFC with the win. - JUSHIN THUNDER LIGER vs. ULTIMO DRAGON (w/ Sonny Onoo) As usual there's just too much to cover when these guys go at it. After an opening flurry of his risk moves Liger takes control with a powerbomb. Liger then swings a boot at Onoo. (Wasn't Onoo Liger's manager last time he was in WCW?) Liger goes to the floor and Dragon follows him with a tope through the ropes. Dragon tosses Liger into the rail, then both get back into the ring. Tony mentions Liger's recent surgery to remove a brain tumor. Ultimo comes off the top rope, but Liger meets him with a boot from his back on the mat. Liger then vertical suplexes Dragon. Tony says that regardless of the outcome, these two will go at it again Saturday the 4th in Tokyo. Dragon places liger on the corner turnbuckle and whips him off with a spinning huracarana. Dragon finishes him off with a double underhook butterfly suplex bridged into the pin. I'm just glad to see Liger back, so no criticism here. - KONAN (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. BIG BUBBA Konan comes out. Bubba doesn't. M. Wallstreet comes out in his place. This was supposed to be a strap match. Over the mic Wallstreet says Bubba couldn't make it, but that he (Bubba) and Konan'd lock up real soon. Wallstreet then jumps Konan as his back is turned. They do the standard finish where the bad guy drags the good guy around and both touch the first three turnbuckles, then the good guy gets shoved into the fourth for the win. Konan wins. - The Cheech & Chong music cues up and Hogan and Eric Bischoff stroll to the ring. Bischoff asks Hogan how it felt to beat Piper. Hogan says he knew he'd win when Piper had his kid beg for his dad's mercy. Hogan says Piper is a coward in a dress, and that we'd never see him again. Bischoff asks the crowd for a moment of silence. Schiavone, angered over Hogan's lies, says they have a response ready for that in the next segment. - HUGH MORRUS vs. KENSUKE SASAKE (w/ Sonny Onoo) Schiavone's response to Hogan and Bischoff? "Who do they think they're fooling?" Tony says they are going to show the footage of Piper beating Hogan later in the show. This starts off about as intense as a belly bucking contest, two power- houses running into each other. There may have been some punching too. Eric Bischoff comes to the announcer's desk holding a videotape case. "I've got the tape," Eric says, "and as they say, posession is 9/10th of the law. You aren't showing anything!" After he leaves, Tony assures us in low tones that they have some stills. You're shittin' me! Meanwhile Sasake, who may be big stuff in Japan-but wrestles about as well as the Junkyard Dog in America (if you ask me), gets smashed flat by a Morrus moonsault. Morrus covers for the sure pin, and the ref's arm is coming down for the three count when Sonny Onoo jumps in the ring and whacks Morrus with a Japanese flag. Morrus wins by DQ. Yes, the Junkyard Dog. It's harsh, but I calls 'em as I sees 'em. - HARLEM HEAT (w/ Sister Sherri) vs. FACES OF FEAR We've seen this match a dozen times. Col. Parker comes out to bug Sherri and she jumps on him. Everyone now distracted, Jacques Rougeau is able to throw powder into the eyes of Stevie Ray. Meng then lays in a Superkick. While the ref is still occupied, Booker T. delivers a shot to the back of Meng's head off the top rope. Meng slumps off Stevie Ray, and Stevie gets his arm across Meng for the pin. - "Mean" Gene Okerlund interviews a very subdued Diamond Dallas Page. Page says, in response to his loss of the U.S. Title because of the NWO, that he's gotten the message. "They're too powerful," he says. He says he knows what he has to do, but walks away before he'll elaborate. HOUR TWO: Hosted by Tony Schiavone, Bobby "The Brain" Heenan and Mike Tenay. - Recap of earlier NWO events in the show. - DISCO INFERNO vs. GLACIER Normally I'd flip the channel, but there's an angle here. It seems that Disco Inferno has mastered a new leglock maneuver. Disco gets on the mic and works the crowd a bit. Disco takes a bunch of punishment and is forced to hide behind the ref. Glacier is momentarily occupied by that and falls victim to a clothesline. This is the first time Glacier's been on the mat on Nitro. Disco lays in a bunch of stomps, then tries out his new move. Unfortunately he can't remember which leg to grab first and Glacier has time to recover. Disco reassumes control with a forearm shot off the ropes, then a swinging neckbreaker. Disco then blows it by standing on the middle ropes in the corner and playing to the crowd. Glacier gets up and pastes Disco with (what I'll admit was) a decent looking thrust kick to the chin. Glacier gets the pin. - Clips of the Benoit/Jarrett match from the PPV. - CHRIS BENOIT (w/ Woman) vs. CHRIS JERICHO After some very fast switches and kicks Benoit is sent to the floor, but quickly climbs onto the apron. Jericho jumps from a standing position, springboards off the top rope near the corner on the side perpendicular to Benoit, then hits a dropkick, sending Benoit back to the floor. Jericho follows that with a dropkick from the top turnbuckle to the floor. Nice moves! For then next few minutes they engage in a continuing series of stiff blows and chops, pin attempts, and general rough high risk moves. Jericho seems to have gained the upper hand, but Benoit ducks a high knee lift in the corner. Jericho gets tied up and Benoit climbs the turnbuckle, pounding Jericho back to the mat with a belly-to-back suplex. "Mean Gene" then interviews the Horsemen. Debra McMichael says she missed Woman while she was in Germany. Woman tells Steve and Debra that they haven't been in the Horsemen long enough to even have a say in things. McMichael says that "that'll be the day when a skirt like you tells Mongo what to do!" Jeff Jarrett comes out and asks Flair why he hasn't been made a Horseman yet, and maybe that the women were causing too many problems. Woman asks Flair where Arn is. Partying at the Hyatt, replies Flair. Debra then says Woman is bitter because of the weight she put on over the holidays. What a mess this all is, and it'll be disappointing when the Horsemen explode (if it happens in any way that doesn't involve all four men stomping Mongo into the mat). - Lee Marshall shills for 1-800-COLLECT from Monroe, Louisiana. - OCTAGONCITO/MASCARITA SAGRADA vs. JERITO ESTRADA/PIRATITA MORGAN Mexican midgets. While these guys may be much, much better than the midget wrestling that we're used to, their work is too choreographed for my taste. Good for comedy though. Mascarita, who looks like a white Power Ranger (standing three apples high), gets the pin over Estrada. - DEAN MALENKO vs. REY MISTERIO JR. Man, as much as I like these guys, I'd sure like to see them wrestle someone else. This match spent a lot more time on the mat than they usually do. Misterio did an insane senton back splash (according to Tenay) from the turnbuckle to the floor. Misterio does a springboard huracarana, the one he usually uses as his finisher by rolling his opponent into a pinning position, but Malenko holds on, doesn't go over, and turns it into a Boston Crab. Misterio bridges out, initiating a series of about a half dozen near pins and reversals. Later Misterio does one of those flying, spinning head scissors, but Malenko holds onto Misterio and drops him into a side suplex. The bell suddenly rings as a time limit draw is reached. A low key departure from their usual stuff, but I give them points for showing us some new moves. Malenko was able to reverse several of the moves that are usually killers for Misterio. - GREG "THE HAMMER" VALENTINE vs. LEX LUGER Lock-up. Kneelift, kneelift, elbow, elbow, elbow, chop, elbow, snap mare, elbow, chinlock, elbow, chop, (all this from Valentine, then Luger takes over). Kneelift, punch, punch, punch, punch, whip to ropes, (Valentine takes over). Kneelift, elbow, kneelift, elbow, (Luger takes over). Kick, punch, punch, punch, forearm, clothesline. Luger is tossed to the floor. Luger climbs to the apron. Valentine tries to suplex him in. Luger lands on his feet and puts Valentine in the Torture Rack. Luger wins. I swear to God, that was the entire match, blow-by-blow. This is where the Big Boys play. This... is WCW! Shoot me... shoot me now. - Roddy Piper's music starts and out he comes to celebrate his victory over Hogan. Piper thanks the fans and says Hogan and Bischoff must be from Mars if they believe what they are saying. Piper is proud that he proved he was the "Icon.' "That was my last fight," he said. The NWO music starts up. Hogan and Bischoff reappear. Hogan calls Piper a liar, then works the crowd by telling them to shut up. They then trade insults, calling each other dogs and mentioning poop for some reason. Hogan says Piper better shut the crowd up because "this is about your family!" Having piqued Piper's curiosity, Piper tells him to go ahead, say what he's gotta say. Hogan says the reason he didn't finish Piper off was because Piper's kid asked him not to. Piper takes off his jacket and suggests they go at it right there, one more time. Of course the rest of the NWO run-in and attack him from behind. Hogan gets him down on the mat and chokes him. No one comes to Piper's aid. Scott Hall, Kevin Nash and Hogan pick him up and spear him shoulderfirst into Scott Norton's knee. Hogan then gets a steel chair and bashes Piper's hip. By now the ring has filled with debris thrown by the fans. Hogan then tells The Giant to chokeslam him. The Giant picks him up. Nick Patrick, the consummate referee, sweeps trash out of the ring. The Giant puts Piper back down. The rest of the NWO form a huddle and Hogan says they have a problem. Hogan then asks The Giant "what's the deal?" as Piper, screaming his lungs out, is loaded onto a stretcher. Hogan tells The Giant that he's struck out. The Giant grabs Hogan by the throat, holding off the rest of the NWO. "I want the belt!" he yells. Hogan starts crying like a baby, saying he's sorry. The Giant releases him and Hogan says he's got his title shot. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... I didn't realize it meant that much to you... I'm sorry... you'll get your title shot... I'm sorry." "Get him, get him, GET HIM!" Marcus Bagwell jumps on The Giant from behind and The Giant is driven to his knees, but quickly gets up and chokeslams him. Next is Vincent and he too gets a chokeslam for his trouble. The NWO Sting tries a dropkick but is swatted aside, picked up and chokeslammed as well. Bagwell makes another rush and is batted away. Then Hall and Nash charge him and take The Giant down under a flurry of forearm shots. The entire NWO holds The Giant in place as Hogan nails him with the championship belt. Then he's stomped to the mat and his NWO t-shirt is torn off. Hogan tells the camera that The Giant struck out, then sits on his chest, slapping him in the face and telling him "this is MY belt!" Camera cuts to a shot of an ambulance pulling away from the arena. Piper is strapped into the back, screaming in pain, as the show fades out. - Next week's main event: None announced. Comments: This is getting all too familiar. Show starts off with an NWO appearance, some good matches from the cruiserweights, then the big NWO finale. This was a great ending though, serving to instantly put over The Giant as Hogan's next challenger. Bottom line: I think the WWF really stumbled just a bit in what has been a pretty good march towards the Royal Rumble. Maybe it wasn't so much a stumble, but a slowly growing sense that maybe, just maybe, Sid will hang onto the title. Maybe The Undertaker is going to win the Rumble, while the whole Michaels/Hart/Austin thing gets sorted out on the way to WrestleMania, setting up a double main event. Could it be that all the talk of Sid being the start of "a new era" is more than just an effort to confuse what had seemed to be the obvious; that Shawn would beat Sid, Bret would win the Rumble, then face Shawn at WrestleMania? I'm not sure yet whether or not to give the WWF points for clouding the whole issue. There's a difference between keeping the fans off balance and just plain being off balance because they maybe haven't decided what to do yet. At the very least nothing can be assumed, and I'll give them credit for that. I still think Goldust is a lock to win the IC belt, though. Here's a few questions that we should see answered either just before, or as a consequence of the Royal Rumble: - Is Shawn turning heel, or just displaying attitude? - Is Bret turning heel, or just displaying attitude? - Is the British Bulldog turning face, or etc? - Is The Undertaker in line for a run at the title? (This seems a sure thing if Sid holds onto the belt). Why was he scheduled for that singles match with Vader at the Rumble? - Where do Mankind, Marc Mero, Owen Hart and Steve Austin fit into things? - Will any of the Rumble newcomers become major players in 1997? - I figure that Ahmed will beat Faarooq. Is a prolonged feud in store for them, or will Ahmed be moving into one of the title scenarios? - What about the tag team ranks? - Will Shotgun Saturday Night shed some light on the above, or will it be the WWF upping the ante vs. Nitro with some late night violence? Things are getting interesting. Both feds have managed to start off the year with a bang. This week's winner: Nitro.