[RESULTS/OPINION] WCW Monday Nitro/WWF Monday Night RAW (8/26) (RAW was not on this week. It was preempted by USA's coverage of the US Open. This happens about this time every year.) WCW Monday Nitro: Live. HOUR ONE: Hosted by Tony Schiavone & Larry Zbyszko. - JUVENTAD GUERRERA vs. BILLY KIDMAN Juventad's WCW debut. He looked pretty good, hitting several nice moves involving the ropes. He used one, a springboard from the top rope into a corkscrew then a splash onto a prone Kidman, which I don't think I'd seen before. Kidman did a sweet looking Shooting Star Press (which looked more fluid/less rigid than the one recently done by Marc Mero at SummerSlam.) Guerrera won with one of those Frankensteiners off the top rope where you start out behind them, spin around their head, then take them over. He then tried an interview, but his English is poor and Mean Gene was a real prick about it (cutting him off and telling him to try it on someone else.) - They show a clip from "The Crow: City of Angels." It was a poor clip, with them having to bleep out profanity and us seeing some guy that we know nothing about getting killed by the second Crow - whom we also know nothing about. Why not just run the trailer? The only reason they showed it was because it's a Miramax/Dimension film: Both of which are owned by Turner. TNT is also doing some kind of contest where you can win the Crow's motorcycle, but... who cares, right? (Note: I was confusing Miramax and Dimension with New Line Cinema - mentioned below. Miramax is owned by Disney, something I knew but forgot about until reminded by someone via E-Mail. I assume Disney owns Dimension as well, but don't know for certain. My guess at this point is that they ran the promo to get a cheap buck, as it had nothing to do with wrestling. 08/29.) - Yet another Glacier promo. In this one he's going through a routine with a staff, then a pair of shortened staves. Does this mean he'll be allowed to use weapons in the ring? No? Then... who cares, right? He also looked to be wearing a garbage can lid on his back. Glacier looks an awful lot like that Shredder guy from the Ninja Turtles movies (which curiously enough was made by New Line Cinema - another Turner subsidiary. Hmm... ) - Clip shown of Luger, Sting and the Four Horsemen from last week. - MARCUS BAGWELL/JIM POWERS (w/ Teddy Long) vs. BIG BUBBA/KEVIN SULLIVAN With Jimmy Hart of course. Powers is subbing for the "injured" Scotty Riggs (hey, maybe he is, I dunno.) This is another one of those "Nick Patrick: Referee at the Crossroads" matches. It comes down like this... Powers nails Big Bubber with a cross-body block and covers for the pin. Patrick counts to three (hesitating on the "3" so Bubba can raise his shoulder - which he forgets to do until after the count.) Powers jumps up to celebrate what the entire world saw was a clean pin. Nick looks distraught because he, just as referee Randy Anderson did back at the Clash in the Malenko/Misterio match, realizes he allowed a pin when he shouldn't have. (WCW doesn't like it when we fans remember stuff like that.) Nick allows the match to continue and Bubba nails Powers with a Sidewalk Slam for the pin. The "Evil Ref" angle, much like the average intestinal disorder, lingers on. It was a clean pin, but the ref did what another ref not under suspicion did, so sorry WCW... no controversy here. Sell your red herrings in some other fish monger's stall. The Dungeon then did another interview: Bubba saying he's going to start being noticed (swell) and Sullivan babbling something about "Wolverine" and his neighbors. Huh? - Mean Gene interviews Sting and Lex Luger. - "MEAN" MIKE ENOS vs. CHAVO GUERRERO JR. Enos is accompanied to the ring by Dick Slater. This is very important, because it figures in the finish of the match. Pay attention now... Enos is winning, so he switches places with Slater (after the ref had recieved a poke in the eye mind you.) Slater, who looks nothing like Enos, winds Guerrero up into a step-over toe hold. The ref recovers just in time to see Guerrero grab Slater and tuck-and-roll him in for a pin. Guerrero gets the upset win. Guerrero then talks to Mean Gene about Diamond Dallas Page. - MR. J.L. vs. REY MISTERIO JR. J.L.'s getting kinda fat (late in the match we see he's busted a seam on one side.) Less than spectacular Cruiserweight match, but that didn't matter because, get this... Cut to the outside where we see Hogan haulin' ash (I mean Hogan, Hall and Nash) approaching the control trailer - one of those big Turner satellite rigs. They then whip out spraycans and paint "NWO" and "4 Life" on the side. Tony and Larry are disgusted, this being just about the most cowardly and despicable act they've ever seen. (They must not get out much.) Cut back to the match and the start of the second hour. HOUR TWO: Hosted by Eric Bischoff and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. We haven't missed much in the match as both J.L. and Misterio have decided to practice their armbars this evening. Misterio wins with his springboard huracarana (whatever) into a tuck and pin thingy. - Chris Benoit and Mongo McMichael (not McMichaels gang... someone hand out a memo to the lockerroom here) do an interview. They have decided that they are not happy that they've been replaced by Sting and Luger in the Wargames. They're going to rip off their heads and yell "cock-a-doodle- doo." (They didn't say that, but wouldn't it have been cool if they had?) - Recap of Randy Savage's recent trials and tribulations, then an interview. - THE GIANT (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. "HACKSAW" JIM DUGGAN Oh, and this Nitro was going so well too! Duggan spends several minutes embarrasing himself and the sport until the camera cuts to a figure coming down through the crowd. It's... it's... Ted DiBase. Ted grabs a seat at ringside and stares deadpan into the camera. He holds up his hand, then 1, 2, 3, and finally 4 fingers. The guy next to him his having an out of body experience. Ted then says "and next week... " and holds up a 5th (well, his thumb - he's not a 5 fingered freak.) The guy next to him starts telling everyone around him "next week it's five... next week it's five!" Bischoff actually has the nerve to suggest that it means he's coming out of retirement to join the Four Horsemen. Back in the ring meanwhile, Duggan sorts through his options. Discarding the Enzuguiri, Octopus and Space Tiger Drop, he decides that his best course of action is to tape up his fist and knock out The Giant. He does this, but it doesn't work. Then while distracted by Jimmy Hart, The Giant grabs and chokeslams him for the win. - RIC FLAIR/ARN ANDERSON (w/ Woman & Liz) vs. THE ROCK 'N ROLL EXPRESS Robert Gibson is starting to look like someone's grandpa. Flair nails him with an Atomic Drop, then Arn DDT's him. Flair covers for the win. Mean Gene interviews the pair re: Flair's match vs. Hogan at the Clash. Flair is certain he heard Hogan give up, something that Hogan, the video tape and the truth all dispute. - CHRIS JERICHO vs. ALEX WRIGHT I assumed Jericho would win easily. Had he wrestled Brad Armstrong, then I might have been worried for him. I'd heard a lot about him coming in. He was quite unimpressive. (I've seen him before, but it's been awhile.) Wright dominated, making Jericho look mid-card at best. Jericho takes a tumble out of the ring. Wright tries a leap of the top turnbuckle to the floor but misses him. Jericho crawls back into the ring for what looked to be a lame countout victory, but he asks the ref to stop the match. The ref declares it a "no contest." Jericho tells Mean Gene he came to WCW to do his best, and that he respected Wright and a win like this would not be his best. Wright is slow in remembering his lines, so Mean gene cuts him off due to time constraints. Great, so Jericho is a mid- card guy with a heart. - THE STEINER BROTHERS vs. THE BLUEBLOODS Time was starting to run short. "Earl" Robert Eaton and "Squire" David Taylor spend more time quarreling amongst themselves than wrestling the Steiners. Following some chicanery, Taylor lifts Rick Steiner onto his shoulders. Eaton climbs the corner to deliver a cross-body block, but Rick rolls with it, bounces off his head, and pins Eaton. Eaton and Taylor then come to blows as the Bluebloods are finally - FINALLY no more. Scott and Rick cheer Eaton on for a moment, then do an interview. Rick talks about being "Peter Peter Pumpkineater" at Halloween Havoc. Scott reminds him that the next PPV is Fall Brawl, then says something that included "cock-a-doodle-doo!" Cool. - HORSEMEN (w/ Woman, Liz & Debbie) vs. STING/LEX LUGER Time was really short now, and the show would obviously have to run over it's usual alloted time. Benoit and Sting had some good exchanges. Mongo is at best adequate (but fairly accomplished given he's a football player and an overrated ex-Chicago Bear to boot.) Luger was just there. He gets knocked to the floor and actually stays there for quite a while. Mongo gets knocked out a bit later, then goes after Luger. Out comes Hulk Hogan. Mongo eyes him like William Perry used to eye the lunchroom after morning practice. Around and around the ring they go until Mongo is ambushed by Scott Hall. Close behind is Kevin Nash, and the two post Mongo. Hogan then spraypaints "NWO" on Mongo's back. Back in the ring Hall applies the "Razor's Edge" to Chris Benoit while Nash "Jacknifes" Sting. Heh heh. Both recieve "NWO" logos on their backs as well. Enter Flair and Arn. Flair works over Hogan while Arn delivers boots to Hall. Nash uses the spraycan on Arn's eyes, while Hogan does the same to Flair. Hogan then sprays a black stripe onto Flair's peroxide bleached hair. They then stand about and pose while the ring fills with trash (drinks flying everywhere.) The NWO finishes up by chasing off Eric Bischoff and commandeering the announcing booth. Nash screams "anarchy... anarchy... " while Hogan sprays the NWO sign onto the front of the desk. He then says "Anything less would be TOO civilized!" (In homage to his old "Right Guard" commercial.) Nash says "I saw that!" Show ends with a replay of Ted DiBiase giving the countdown to the 5th "something" next week. Next week's main event: Not announced. Comments: Hot, hot show. Had RAW been on, it would have had a seriously hard time topping this. The wrestling was fair, but WCW finally moving things forward was the kicker. DiBiase is obviously connected to the Outsiders, but Bischoff tried a bit of maneuvering by saying "why always focus on the negative... maybe he's coming out of retirement and will be the 5th Horseman?" Heenan says if he were going to do that, he'd have accompanied Flair and Arn to the ring in their match. Bischoff does bring up the possibility that he could be in with the NWO (gee, you think?) Heenan deftly works around that by saying that that's not how the NWO works, and that Ted would have either come to the ring to do damage, or have been with Hogan, Hall and Nash. Anyway, the crowd was steaming at the end, pelting the ring with more cups (most still full) than when Hogan turned heel. It's hard to watch this and not say that maybe this was the first Nitro that they did right since the turn. I suppose it's all really a matter of them saving it until they had an unopposed night. They'll get a big audience next week too. Too bad we had to go through so much crap in that interim. WWF Monday Night RAW: Not on. - Next week's main event: ? Comments: Tennis sucks. The U.S. Open sucks. Andre Agassi sucks. Brooke Shields sucks Andre Agassi. Bottom line: Did the WWF mention last week that they wouldn't be on? If they did, I missed it. I knew the U.S. Open was this week, but had assumed Monday's coverage would be over by the time RAW should have been on. Maybe USA shouldn't run RAW commercials over the weekend if they know it won't be on that week, eh? In any case, tennis really blows. We missed RAW because Andre Agassi was playing some schmoe named Hadad from Cali, Colombia (oh yeah... tell me his career hasn't in some way been funded by the drug cartels!) I'd suggest going over rec.sport.tennis and starting some sh*t, but God knows we wouldn't want to get in a flamewar with a bunch of tight- assed, knobby kneed, turtleneck wearing, Evian drinking powderpuffs. This week's winner: Nitro (by default - though nonetheless earned.) JRP