[RESULTS/OPINION]WCW Monday Nitro/WWF Monday Night RAW (7/1)

WCW Monday Nitro: Live.

HOUR ONE: Hosted by Tony Schiavone & Larry Zbyszko. 

 - Diamond Dallas Page comes out and says someone has stolen his "Lord
   of the Ring" ring.

 - HARLEM HEAT vs. THE STEINER BROTHERS
   The Heat are back to talking on a cellular phone, teasing a Sister Sherri
   return. These two teams can work well together, but WCW won't let that
   happen without attaching some kind of extraneous storyline or angle.
   Tonight's was an appearance by Col. Robert Parker (who was uttering
   'sweet nothings' to a picture of - presumably Sherri - in his wallet.)
   Col parker knocks one of the Steiners off the top rope and the Heat
   get the pin.

 - The Four Horsemen are shown at their VIP table.

 - DISCO INFERNO vs. KURASAWA
   Disco's entrance... Kurasawa's entrance... lots of stalling... a rest
   hold or two... Inferno hurts his foot kicking the stairs in frustration...
   Kurasawa about to win... Disco music plays... out comes chunky Elvis...
   Inferno rolls up Kurasawa for the pin... newest Disco Inferno leaves.
   The worst gimmick in pro-wrestling has now sunk even lower: Disco Inferno
   has a sidekick/partner.

 - DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE vs. SCOTTY RIGGS
   I missed the finishing move on this both airings, but I assume it was
   the Diamond Cutter. Page tries to pat down Mean Gene in search of his
   missing ring.

 - RANDY SAVAGE vs. GREG "THE HAMMER" VALENTINE
   Where is Tito Santana that he's missing out on all this easy money in WCW?
   Hammer didn't look too bad. Old, but somewhat in shape. This actually
   wasn't too bad a match. Hammer gave a good showing. Savage just did his
   usual. Valentine sidesteps the Savage double axehandle off the top
   turnbuckle, then applies a suplex of some sort. He then lies motionless,
   apparently knocked out when his head hit the mat. Savage nails the flying
   elbowdrop for the pin. When they mentioned the Hammer's return at the
   top of the show, I expected much worse. (I figured he suffered from a
   case of "Dusty Rhodes Furniture Disease:" His CHEST had dropped to his
   DRAWERS.)

HOUR TWO: Hosted by Eric Bischoff and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan.

 - Eric Bischoff thanks the fans for recieving all the cards in the hospital
   he was never in, then talks tough to the WWF Two. He refers to Diesel
   by his real name "Nash." Crowd gives a good "Weasel" chant. The Brain is
   all nervous, then we see Razor and Diesel coming down through the crowd
   carrying popcorn and sodas. Obenfuhrer Doug Dellinger tries to throw
   them out, but they have purchased tickets.  "We came to see the Big Boys!"
   Says Diesel.

 - THE GIANT (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. JOHN TENTA
   The Giant wins quickly, then Big Bubba shaves off half of Tenta's beard.
   Giant, Hart, Bubba and Kevin Sullivan then do an interview that I swear
   lasted half an hour.

 - They show most of a video montage of Rey Misterio Jr. moves (culled
   from his two matches with Dean Malenko.) The soundtrack for this sounds
   like one of the Benedictine Monks masturbating. Then Bischoff cuts in
   and we see Diesel and Razor have left their seats and are approaching.
   A security guard tries to grab Diesel, who yells something which
   included the work "F**k!" very clearly and loudly. Out comes Luger,
   Sting, Savage, and most every other WCW wrestler (heel or face) seen
   up to this point. The two groups are held apart by a dozen or so
   security guys (none of which drop their guns this week.) Seeing the WCW
   Three's face paint Diesel remarks "Look at the clowns!" The crowd erupts
   with a "Diesel" chant (which Bischoff tries to sell as another "Weasel"
   chant.) The WWF Two are hustled out, Diesel yelling "Attica - Attica -
   Attica!"

 - Hacksaw Duggan is interviewed in the lockerroom. Seems he found a ring
   on the floor in the toilet. Page arrives, demanding his ring back.
   Duggan drops it, then tapes his fist - smacking the preoccupied Page.

 - "DESPERADO" JOE GOMEZ/RENEGADE/ROCK 'N ROLL EXPRESS vs. THE HORSEMEN
   Steve McMichael shows that his near year of training has resulted in
   his picking up about as much as Lawrence Taylor probably learned in a
   month. This was a mess, and pretty boring compared to Marlena hiiting
   on Sable over on RAW. All I'm really sure of is that the Horsemen won.
   Figure four from Flair I believe. they then gave an interview which
   lasted even longer than the earlier Dungeon of Doom opus boringus.

 - The show should have been done, but they took a commercial break, then
   Bischoff wound things up. My assumption was that this was either poor
   time management, or that something was yet to happen. On cue they cut
   to the backstage area where we see the security force still trying to
   remove Diesel and Razor Ramon. Diesel is verbally running down the
   security stiffs on their way out.

   Guard: "All you have to do is leave."

   Diesel: "All YOU have to do is get a job that pays better."

   The two are escorted to an awaiting black Corvette (pretty sweet!)
   Razor takes the wheel as Diesel rides shotgun. Now the Corvette is a
   fairly sizable chunk of Detroit metal: Diesel made it look like a little
   kid in one of those Barbie Corvettes. "Take a look boys... you couldn't 
   afford something like this if you pooled all your paychecks!"

 - Next week's main event: With any luck... something involving the
   Junkyard Dog.

Comments: I've seen worse. Valentine will probably be relegated to that
Duggan/V.K. Wallstreet/Kurasawa/Craig Pittman mid-card crowd. The best
match of the night was mediocre at best. The Diesel/Razor segments
continue to be pretty hot, and next week should be the mother of them all.


WWF Monday Night RAW: Taped 6/24.

 - SHAWN MICHAELS (w/ Jose Lethario) vs. MARTY JANNETTY (w/ Leif Cassidy)
   ... and Jim Cornette! Seems Corny has acquired the New Rockers (or at
   least temporarily allied with them. Shawn has the Kliq Cam which raises
   the question "how are we able to see what he's seeing on what appears
   to be a live show?" Kinda like "how do they record those 'Captain's Logs'
   on Star Trek? Their lips aren't moving... so why not speak in the past
   tense assuming they are recorded at a later date? And what's up with
   those transporters anyway? How the Hell do they work? And I'm a little
   shaky on this Warp thing...

   Anyway, this was a pretty good match. Since others will do more of a
   blow by blow let me just report that Shawn won following his flying
   elbowdrop then the superkick. Run-in by Leif Cassidy who meets a
   superkick. Then Jim Cornette tried to whack Shawn with the tennis
   racquet, but he was smacked by Jose Lethario. Curiously enough, referee
   Dave Hebner then seemed to admonish Jose for using a closed fist?!

 - Clip of Sunny getting slopped by the Godwins. Sunny gets Phinneas to
   admit he loves her. She plays along, slaps him, then verbally tears him
   a new one. (Sunny is such a bitch, bless her heart.) Then the Smoking
   Gunns stomp on him a bit. Out comes Henry O. Godwin and Hillbilly Jim
   for the save. Then Phinneas slops Sunny. This was the hottest slopping
   I've ever seen. They could put this act in a glass booth and make a
   fortune. (Ya see... Sunny was all wet... then stomped around... 
   jiggling... heaving... yeowza!)

 - MANKIND vs. DUKE "THE DUMPSTER" DROESE
   Mankind wins. Real story is Jake "The Snake" out doing color commentary.
   Lawler chides Roberts all match about his past drinking problem. Roberts
   turns the other cheek, so Lawler slaps it. Then the other other cheek.
   They brawl on the table until Mankind joins in to pummel on the hapless
   Snake.

 - GOLDUST (w/ Marlena) vs. "WILDMAN" MARC MERO (w/ Sable)
   Another match that wasn't too bad. I'm blanking as to whether these two
   locked up in WCW, but they worked well together here. Steve Austin is
   out for color commentary as Marlena takes a keen interest in Sable.
   She starts putting the moves on Sable, which distracts Mero long enough
   for Goldust to lay in a knee to the back and a reverse forward DDT.
   Goldust celebrates his win with kiss from Marlena as we fade to black.

   Oh yeah... this week's "Universal Pay-Per-View Sudden Death Slam of the
   Week" was Ahmed Johnson Pearl River Plunging Hunter Hearst Helmsly.

 - Next week's main event: The British Bulldog and Vader vs. The Godwins.
   Plus Owen Hart vs. The Ultimate Warrior.

Comments: A better show than last week's. The first and last matches were
pretty good. This is the first week in memory where it left me wanting more
(and not simply because what was shown didn't deliver.) Austin was great
on color commentary, threatening to go up and attack Marc Mero, and
generally running down McMahon for his rooting on Mero.


Bottom line: I don't see as there's been any great shift in momentum for
either fed. WCW has got a tremendous amount of heat built up as they roll
into Bash at the Beach. It's too bad they only gave it two weeks to build
up. I think they did more tonight to sell it than in all the previous two
week's worth of shows combined. Still, only the main event has had proper
building. Flair vs. Konnan has gotten little hype. (I'm assuming Flair
will win the U.S. Title via Horsemen interference.) Benoit/Anderson vs.
The Giant/Kevin Sullivan means little as well. Duggan vs. Page is probably
a dud in the making. Will we see Glacier? Who knows?

The WWF is obviously gearing up for SummerSlam (tickets went on sale this
weekend.) One could pretty much skip all WWF shows until the live RAW
following International Incident. Then we'll see what the WWF is up to.

This week's winner: RAW (by a slight nudge.)


JRP