[RESULTS/OPINION]Monday Night RAW/Monday Nitro (6/3) (My moving was pushed back a few weeks, so here I am with this week's recap - though frankly there's little to write about this week.) Monday Nitro: Live. HOUR ONE: Hosted by Tony Schiavone & Larry Zbyszko. - JOHN TENTA vs. BIG BUBBA Pre-match Mean Gene interviews the Shark, who says he is no longer the shark (or a fish, or an Avalanche) and that he's John Tenta from now on. Big Bubba waits in the ring with a pair of scissors and some of the hair he cut off the Shark last week. Match lasts about 30 seconds as Tenta gets the scissors and Bubba runs, getting counted out. Tony Schiavone mentions that Johnny B. Badd and Vader (who still appear in some of the Nitro promos) will not be on the card - they no longer play with the big boys. (Yeah Tony... now they work for a living.) - FACES OF FEAR vs. HIGH VOLTAGE High Voltage are (get this) Ruckus and Chaos - two Power Plant scrubs. Their entire offense consisted of a double clothesline and a forearm smash. From then on, they are brutalized by Meng and the Barbarian. FOF with the quick pin. Match went maybe 3 minutes. - Mean Gene interviews Sting and Lex Luger in the lockerroom. Sting questions Luger's motives in his getting involved with Sting's match against Scott Steiner last week. Luger defends himself by pointing out that Steiner was trying to injure Sting on the floor. Sting seems to accept this. In comes the Steiner Brothers and much shouting and shoving ensue. Mean Gene makes a fool of himself by blustering at the four men. ("I'll never interview you again if you act like that!" Yeah right.) - DISCO INFERNO vs. SGT. CRAIG PITTMAN (w/ Teddy Long) Pittman applies an armbar and Disco submits after about an 1/8th of a second. Disco tells the camera he did it to protect his ability to dance. Match lasted about a minute or two. - LORD STEVEN REGAL (w/ Jeeves) vs. HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN They're finally spelling Jeeves' name right. Usual back and forth action until the Bluebloods (Eaton and Taylor) arrive at ringside. Duggan has Regal down and seeing that Eaton has the ref tied up, grabs his 2X4 with the intention of HITTING the already helpless Regal. Fortunately Squire Taylor grabs the board. Duggan then pulls a roll of tape from his shorts, tapes his fist, and clocks Earl Eaton. Regal pulls Duggan's tights and rolls him up for the pin. Post match Reagl gives Mean Gene an interview. Clips are shown of him challenging, then slapping Sting (from the Main Event.) Okerlund says Regal was fined heavily, Regal says he paid double (so that he has credit.) - TASKMASTER KEVIN SULLIVAN (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. PRINCE IAUKEU(?) Another Power Plant stiff (who won his debut match this weekend) loses badly to Sullivan. Sullivan with the stomp to the Bellywelly and the pin. Sullivan then talks to Mean Gene. Clips are shown recapping his feud with Chris Benoit. Sullivan also prominently mentioned running Brian Pillman out of WCW, even showing the clip of Pillman's "Bookerman" line from SuperBrawl. HOUR TWO: Hosted by Eric Bischoff and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. - THE ROCK 'N ROLL EXPRESS vs. RIC FLAIR/ARN ANDERSON (w/ Woman & Liz) Ricky "No Muscle Tone" Morton and Robert "Beergut" Gibson, The Minoxodil Express, return to WCW... and lose. Flair and Arn are wearing Kevin Greene and Mongo McMichael NFL jerseys (Arns's doesn't fit, and he needs Woman and Elizabeth to help him get it off. Bichoff and Heenan discuss Bobby's returning to managing. Morton wrestles most of the match for the R 'n R, getting tossed about like a rag doll. Heenan at one point goes down to ringside to confer with Woman. When Gibson does finally come in, Woman rakes his eyes and Arn nails his DDT. Flair covers for the pin. Afterward, Mean Gene interviews the gang. Flain make another "Deborah... Dallas" joke. Arn says his McMichael jersey was too small for his 10 year old son, and that McMichael and Green are too small to compete. Okerlund asks Bobby if he's going to manage the two at The Great American Bash. Bobby says no, that he vowed he would never manage again. Flair looks distraught. Bobby then grabs a metal briefcase he'd been carrying and takes out a trophy, his "All Madden Team Head Coach" trophy from 1988. Bobby says he'll never manage again, but he will coach Flair and Arn against McMichael and Greene. Yes, as best as I can recall, it is a real "All Madden Team" trophy. - THE GIANT (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. ICETRAIN Match lasts 3 seconds. The Giant grabs Icetrain before the bell can ring, chokeslams him, and covers for the pin. Out comes Icetrain's partner Scott "Flash" Norton to complain. The Giant chokeslams him twice, the does an interview complaining about Hulk Hogan. (Hogan promos are show throughout the show.) - SCOTT NORTON vs. HUGH MORRUS Norton is still out in the ring. Morrus comes in and lands a few elbow shots. He then goes up for a moonsault. Norton recovers, doesn't quite catch Morrus, hits him a few times, and gets the pin. Amazing. - Clip of Mongo and Mean Greene (no Jay, not "Shallow Grave,") planning strategy. Greene is eating a Slim Jim. Greene says they should penetrate into opposition territory. Mongo says they need to stay back and avoid their corner. They decide they need a coach, look at the Slim Jim, and decide to call the Macho Man. This was actually somewhat funny. - During the next match the Macho Man phones in to say he will be their coach since his TV suspension only covers wrestling, not managing. Heenan tries to talk Svagae out of it (even offering Randy his Madden Trophy.) - LEX LUGER/STING vs. THE STEINER BROS. An okay, but pointless match. Steiners dominate. Luger puts Scott in The Rack, but Rick hits him in the gut for the save. Sting turns a suplex attempt into a reverse DDT. Scott nails Sting with the Frankensteiner off the top turnbuckle. Sting and Rick spill out to the entranceway. Sting tries a piledriver, but Rick reverses it for a backdrop. Out comes The Giant who chokeslams Rick Steiner, then chases after Lex luger. The two brawl for a bit until Sting and Scott Steiner can join Luger. Sting and Scott whip Luger into The Giant. Luger nails him with his forearm (you know... the one with the metal plate in it *wink*) and The Giant goes up and over the top rope. - Before Bischoff can sign off, (The Man Formerly Known As) Razor Ramon turns up. "Hey Ken Doll... " yadda yadda "did Daddy Warbucks get his money yet?" Yadda yadda... enter Sting. "You said a lot of bad stuff out here about WCW last week... " and "you keep asking for three of us... I don't see two with you - only you... and me! So what do you say we get it on right here and now?!" (TMFKA) Razor says yes, but "No body tells me what to do... and no body tells me when to do it!" He flicks his tooth- pick at Sting. Sting slaps him back. Cue Doug Dellinger and a couple of security guys. (TMFKA) Razor says "next week I got a litte - no... a BIG surprise for you!" A few in the crowd yell out "Diesel." - Next week's main event: Sting vs. (The Man Formerly Known As) Razor Ramon? Comments: God awful matches, but the storylines saved it (again.) I'm still a little disappointed in the way they're doing the Razor angle, but it could be a lot worse. The whole incident from last week was virtually ignored over the weekend shows, trying to sell it as a shoot. Either Brian Pillman will be back in the not too distant future, or he's about to recieve the Vader/ Johnny B. Badd treatment. Monday Night RAW: Taped 5/27. - Recap of Goldust and Ahmed Johnson scenario. Goldust is shown buck nekkid except for a gold feathered boa and the IC belt across his groin. *Hrrrrrrruuuunnkkkk!* *Bleeeeeeeeuuuucchhhh!* *Gag!* *Ehhrrruuugghhhh!* - STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN (sans Ted DiBiase) vs. BOB HOLLY Austin only takes about 15 MINUTES to put Holly away with the Million Dollar Dream. Austin advances in the King of the Ring tourney. Yes, Savio Vega won the Carribbean Strap Match at "IYH:Beware of Dog 2" last Tuesday. Ted DiBiase is now gone from the WWF. - Now that about a quarter of the show is gone, they announce that Jerry "The King" Lawler will face The Ultimate Warrior at KOTR. The Warrior's comic book is shown (again) while Lawler shows one of his drawings of a comic book about himself, featuring a severely beaten Warrior at his feet. - BARRY HOROWITZ vs. MANKIND Mankind quickly wins with the Mandible Claw, then gives Jim Ross a very familiar style of interview. ("Undertaker, you can't take my ear... ") - In Your House clips. Over the course of the night we see Mankind in the Undertaker's casket, the Underatker disappearing from said casket, and the Shawn/Bulldog double pin from numerous camera angles. Vince intimates that in cases where PPV buyers got stiffed on refunds that it was their cable companies' fault. - The Sega Slam of the Week: Hunter Hearst Helmsly Pedigrees a jobber who lands on the top of his head. Images of Charles Austin flash through my head. - Goldust is interviewed. God... he's still naked! *Bleeeaarrrgghhhh!* Vince: "Where are you?" Goldust (letterboxed): "In my den." Vince: "No doubt in your den of iniquity!" Goldust compares locking up with Ahmed Johnson top eating a chocolate bar (a Nestle's Crunch I believe.) "He'll melt in my hands... not in my mouth!" - THE GODWINS (w/ Hillbilly Jim) vs. TECHNO TEAM 2000 Sunny joins Vince and Jerry for color commentary. Sunny has the Tag belts. Sunny picks on Phinneas Godwin, Vince tells her to stop, and she says "I can do what I want. What are you, the Boss or something?!" TT2K still look like crap. Godwins win, Henry applying the Slop Drop to the one who looks like he came off a Speed-ing bus. - Vince talks to Jim Cornette's attorney Clarence Mason. Mason says Gorilla Monsoon assaulted him, then shows several clips of Monsoon lightly placing his hand on Mason's back, gently moving him to give Shawn Michaels (who is approaching the ring area - Monsoon and Mason are leaving) more room. Vince mentions that the "alienation of affection" suit has been thrown out. - HUNTER HEARST HELMSLY (w/ Jenny Lee) vs. JAKE "THE SNAKE" ROBERTS Aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! Helmsly loses - cleanly! the entire match consisted of DDT teases and close encounters with the snake sack until Jake finally lands it, then stands over HHH with the snake, threatening to slip it into HHH's tights. HHH's date, Jenny Lee, screams. Roberts advances in the KOTR. McMahon mentions that DiBiase, Razor Ramon and Diesel are all no longer with the WWF, and that Ramon and Diesel may be attempting a ruse to infer that they are still with the WWF while in the employ of "another" company. Check out the WWF's AOL site for details. - Next week's main event: Owen Hart vs. Yokozuna. Ultimate Warrior interview. Comments: Pitiful, just pitiful. The matches all blew. Little was advanced storywise. KOTR may be a decent PPV, but everything is already set up except for actually going through the motions of running the first two rounds of preliminary matches. Bottom line: The WWF's momentum may have seriously stalled. Ahmed/Goldust should be an interesting match (if Dustin works) but Lawler/Warrior is pure comedy. I'd expect HHH vs. Mero to be added, which should be good, but has just about worn out it's welcome. Mankind/Undertaker really needs to pay off, as well as Michaels/Bulldog. In fact, the whole KOTR really needs to pay off with solid matches, then take the company in a new direction with new feuds and surprises the next night on RAW. I'll be really disappointed if the Austin/Vega and HHH/Mero feuds aren't ended then. The Great American Bash looks pretty awful on paper, but may be high profile enough (with the main event) to garner a decent buyrate. Heenan and Savage's involvement ensure that the main event should have enough goofy mayhem to make it watchable. The Giant/Luger match will probably be the usual mess, hopefully leading to some resolution in the Luger/Sting scenario. Sullivan/ Benoit will suck. It would suck in ECW. Tenta/Bubba will blow. Regal/Sting (if it happens) should be okay, and Liger vs. Rey Misterio Jr. (mispelled by WCW as "Ray") could be okay. (It should be phenomenal, but this is WCW. Was it Liger or Malenko?) Anyway, the whole rest of the card - if any - means nothing as there are practically no other storylines in WCW right now, except for (TMFKA) Razor situation, which WCW is playing out painfully slow. Signs point to Diesel's debut next week, which will be hard for the WWF to top. In fact, the WWF seems to have zilch in the way of surprises or new arrivals lined up. However, the strategy is working for WCW, in that (TMFKA) Razor's arrival this week kept me tuned in and I completely missed the finish to the HHH/Roberts match. I had to run back my RAW tape to catch it. Thus... This week's winner: Nitro. JRP