[RESULTS/OPINION]Monday Night RAW/Monday Nitro (5/13) (this week's installment will have to be fairly short and quick, as I've only a little time to work on it.) Monday Nitro: Live. 7:00 PM Eastern start. - Lex Luger is shown in a lawn chair, having "camped out overnight" at the arena so as to not miss his third shot at the World Title. - STEINER BROS. vs. THE PUBLIC ENEMY A decent match, even though the Steiners dominated the vast majority of the time. There was little evidence of dissention between Rick and Scott, as was teased over the weekend. Scott at one point put Rocco Rock in a crisp looking Tilt-a-whirl Side Suplex. The P.E. missed all their big moves. Scott finishes it off with a Frankensteiner on Rocco for the pin. No table shot (dum-de-dum-de-dum... ) Bischoff mentions that starting May 27th, Nitro will move to 8:00 PM Eastern, and run two hours long. - SQUIRE DAVID TAYLOR (w/ Geeves) vs. CHRIS BENOIT It's mentioned that Taylor will replace the Belfast Bruiser as Lord Steven Regal's partner at Slamboree (as well as Diamond Dalls Page replacing Bobby Walker.) I had expected quite a bit froom this match, and was almost entirely let down. Benoit did little - Taylor did even less. "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan would have been right at home in this match. Benoit wins with a Dragon Suplex pin. Seriously, all punches and kicks, with Benoit selling the like mad. - Bischoff mentions that Randy Savage has been barred from the building, and that Mean Gene is outside to interview him. Steve McMichael leaves the desk to find Savage. Okerlund tries to interview Savage, who is prevented from entering the arena by Doug Dellinger and a security crew (presumably either Nashville Rent-a-cops or WCW Power Plant scrubs.) Savage says little, while Mean Gene yells "gimme a break!" often. McMichaels arrives and tells Savage that he knows what he's going through, and that they might have a common goal. McMichael then leaves, and Savage settles down long enough to grunt a few comments. When asked about teaming up with Ric Flair, he says he has no problem with that. "... I can drag a dead partner to the ring... ." Back at the desk, McMichael is grilled by Bischoff and Heenan. Eric talks about how all the sport shows have let the cat out of the bag regarding McMichael, Kevin Greene, and Ric Flair. Mongo says he's too smart to talk about it on the air, and thus tip his hand to Flair. - RIC FLAIR (w/ Woman & Liz) vs. V.K. WALLSTREET Rotunda tries... he really, really does... but is quickly put away by Flair's Figure Four Leglock. After the match, Flair heads over to a banquet table (to watch the main event) and gives Mean Gene a brief interview. In honor of Mongo's football past, he jokes that he (Flair) "has been throwing passes for years... and take a look at my wide recievers!" Indicating Liz and Woman. Oink. Bischoff profusely apologizes following the commercial break. - The "Blood Runs Cold" promo ran again. If this turns out to be three Ninjas (as rumored) I'm gonna puke! - THE GIANT (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. LEX LUGER The World Title belt now says "GIANT" on the name plate. Luger quickly takes advantage, working harder than I've seen him do in a while. It was short lived however, as time was running late and the Giant had to hurry up and finish the match. The action spills to the outside where the Giant grabs Luger by the throat. He drags Luger over to Flair's buffet table, spends an awful long time clearing everything off it, then chokeslams Luger through it. It appeared to be one of those Public Enemy tables, since it neatly broke along an incredibly obvious saw cut line. It looked good, though. Flair and the women were huddled in fear against the ring barriers as Jimmy Hart tried to stop the Giant from doing any more harm. Eventually Sting arrived from somewhere in the audience and chased the Guant off. Bischoff gave the next minute or so the silent treatment a la Shawn Michaels' collapse. Mean Gene moves in for comments, but Sting tells him to get lost. The show ended with Bischoff nearly in tears, Mongo sounding stupid, and Heenan trying to stifle a smile. - Next week's main event: ? Comments: Err... um... yeah. I think Luger got up as they were singing off, since the crowd gave one of those halfhearted cheers like when an injured football player leaves the field under his own power. Some guy in the audience earlier in the show had a "Real Men Like It RAW" sign. Monday Night RAW: Taped 4/29. - The show started at 8:57 Eastern, and showed a "Monday Night RAW" still shot for a minute or two. It then joined the show in progress. Someone push the wrong button? - AHMED JOHNSON vs. ZIP (w/ Skip & Sunny) Ahmed won the Invitational Tournament in Kuwait over the weekend. During his interview Sunny shows up to rub some oil on Ahmed's muscles, but he seems immune to her feminine charms (quoting something his momma told him about trash.) This match was apparently against Zip, but he and Skip switched back and forth when the ref wasn't looking (they look so much alike, ya know?) Sunny didn't seem to be wearing any underwear, but it didn't matter as Ahmed quickly Pearl River Plunges Skip for the pin. - VADER (w/ Jim Cornette) vs. DUKE "THE DUMPSTER" DROESE Vader pulverizes Droese as Cornette sits in with Jerry Lawler and Vince McMahon to deliver color commentary. - McMahon interviews the Undertaker in the ring. Little is said before Goldust shows up. He puts the moves on the 'Taker while quoting movie lines. The Undertaker silently discards his long coat and hat. Goldust grasps his hands, intertwining his fingers between those of the man from the dark side. "Do you know what rigor mortis is? It's a STIFFENING of... " but the Undertaker attacks before Goldust can finish. Along comes Mankind to make the save. He shoves his fingers into the Undertaker's mouth, paralyzing him. Goldust meanwhile is on all fours rubbing against Mankind. Mankind notices this, takes a long look at Goldust, then flees. Goldust rubs his body over the prone figure of the Undertaker (some of it may even have been edited out it seemed.) This goes on until the Undertaker does his sit-up and Goldust takes off. Kinky... I almost needed a smoke afterwards! - JUSTIN "HAWK" BRADSHAW (w/ Uncle Zeb) vs. Aldo Montoya Squash. Bradshaw brutalizes the Potuguese Man-o-war as Uncle Zeb sits in for color commentary. Post match, they "brand" Montoya. - Clips of the Kuwait tour are shown. Highlight is camcorder footage of the Bulldog attacking Shawn Michaels on a beach. Bulldog basically drags Shawn into the surf and dunks him a few times. - SHAWN MICHAELS vs. HUNTER HEARST HELMSLY (w/ some model) They said her name, but I'm blanking. She of course sat in at the announcer's desk, but said nothing. A fairly decent match. The usual Shawn bumps. Shawn eventually ends it with the audience participation Superkick. Post match the British Bulldog threatens that Shawn may not make it to IYH. Shawn is supposed to sit in on color commentary during a Bulldog match next week. Bulldog warns him not to. - Next week's main event: "Wildman" Marc Mero vs. "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, Savio Vega vs. the 1-2-3 Kid, and The British Bulldog vs. Jake Roberts. Comments: With the exception of the UT/Goldust encounter, this show was nearly D.O.A. That and an upskirt shot of Sunny during the first match were about the only memorable moments. You had to look fast. Bottom line: Next week Nitro is a post PPV show, while RAW should recap next Sunday's Madison Square Garden show (if anything happens.) The week after that Nitro goes to two hours, while RAW will be a post PPV show. Thing are looking up (and just in time.) This week's winner: RAW... because of Sunny's ass. Oink. JRP