[RESULTS/OPINION]Monday Night RAW/Monday Nitro (1/29)


Monday Night RAW: Taped 1/22.

 - DIESEL vs. THE BRITISH BULLDOG (w/ Jim Cornette)
   This match was all power moves and rest holds, basically. Yokozuna tries
   to interfere and drop his leg on Diesel, who is covering a prone Bulldog,
   but Diesel moves and Yokozuna squashes the Bulldog instead. Diesel gets
   the pin.

 - Dok Hendrix with the Slam Jam report. Bret Hart is shown delivering
   comments about his irritation with Diesel. Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs.
   Duke "The Dumpster" Droese has been added to IYH, since HHH cut off
   Droese's hair on Superstars this past weekend. Finally, Hendrix announces
   that a "representative" from Turner Broadcasting has sent the WWF a
   letter threatening legal action over the "Billionaire Ted" skits. (Good
   luck.) In response:

   "Billionaire Ted's Press Conference:" Ted starts out by saying he's not
   a hillbilly in a cheap suit.  A reporter asks him about why he's being
   so unfair to the fans by scheduling Nitro against RAW? Ted refuses to
   answer the question. A reporter asks about Turner's policy of offering
   twice the programming of the WWF and undercutting bids to advertisers?
   Ted refuses to answer the question. A reporter asks if he is trying to 
   destroy the WWF? Ted says they're pretty smart and should come and work 
   for him (at his news network.) A reporter asks the Nacho Man who's going
   to win in his match against the Huckster at WrestleMania? "Thinkin' -
   thinking'... " says the Nacho Man. "Hold it!" Says the Huckster (who
   came out to the press conference on a walker) "I've got a contract with
   Ted here that says I never have to lose!" He then proceeds to tear off
   his slitted yellow shirt (but requires the Nacho Man's assistance to do
   so.) Last question: To what lengths will Billionaire Ted go to destroy
   the WWF? Ted says as far as it takes, though "I'd be stupid to use my own
   money!" The Huckster and Nacho Man stop their scuffling over the yellow
   shirt and stare Ted down. "Jane... where's my lithium?!"

 - THE BODYDONNAS (w/Sunny) vs. THE GODWINS (w/ Hillbilly Jim)
   The Godwins are Henry O. (H.O.G.) and Phinneas I. (P.I.G.) The Bodydonnas
   quickly job to them. After their win, all three hillbillys square dance
   with Sunny. Pitiful.

 - Jim Cornette is shown with his attorney Clarence Mason, who says he is
   filing legal paper to keep Vader from being suspended. An address is 
   where the fans can send "Get well" cards to Gorilla Monsoon."

 - Vince McMahon in the ring introduces the new acting President (appointed
   by Monsoon until WrestleMania) of the WWF: Rowdy Roddy Piper! Piper
   delivers a great interview stating things are gonna change in the WWF.
   He pulls out a list of rules. Mcmahon balks, saying Piper never followed
   any rules. Piper agrees, and puts them away. Then he picks up McMahon
   and puts him in not one, but two airplane spins (putting him down gently,
   though.)
  
 - Promo of a mysterious newcomer missing part of an ear. Lawler calls him
   "Mankind." I guess that would be Cactus Jack Mankind.

 - SHAWN MICHAELS vs. YOKOZUNA (w/ Jim Cornette)
   There is clearly dissention in the Cornette army. Owen Hart comes out to
   "watch" the match. Shawn takes a good pounding until Owen tries to
   deliver a spin kick (as Cornette distracts the ref) but hits Yokozuna
   instead. The stunned Yoko is an easy target for Shawn's Superkick and
   the pin. Out comes the Bulldog and he, Owen, and Yokozuna stalk Shawn
   into a corner. Young women in the audience are preparing to cry until 
   Diesel runs in and stand by Shawn. Cornette grabs the mic and demands
   that Shawn and Diesel agree to a match with Yokozuna and the Bulldog
   next week. The Two Dudes with Attitudes agree.

 - Next week's main event: Bret Hart. The Undertaker. The Rematch. 

Comments: Another great show. The actual wrestling was probably at an all
time low, but the storylines continue to play out and for the most part
they are very entertaining.


Monday Nitro: Live.

 - (*hiissssssssssssssss*) What's that noise? All of the steam WCW has
   built up over the last few weeks being let out during this show.

 - HULK HOGAN vs. RIC FLAIR (w/ Jim Cornette)
   Hogan is accompanied by Woman, Elizabeth, and what might be his and Steve
   McMichael's wives. I offer this as trivia simply because it's pretty much
   more interesting than anything Hogan is involved in right now. The usual
   crap between these two, until Arn Anderson enters the ring. In full view
   of the ref, he hits Hogan, then is hit by Hogan. Meanwhile Jimmy Hart
   grabs Elizabeth. One of her shoes ends up in the ring and Flair nails
   Hogan in the eye with it. Flair gets the tainted pin. (Is it worth it
   Ric? An entire career flushed down the toilet so you can hit Hogan in the
   eye with a shoe?) Flair is dead. Hogan does a piss poor blade job and
   rolls around on the floor. Savage comes out to assist him.

 - THE ROAD WARRIORS vs. THE FACES OF FEAR
   The "Faces" are Meng and the Barbarian. The Road Warriors, being the old
   men that they are, stink. Meng looks to be a member of the WCW Clique FOH
   (Friends o' Hogan) since he is made to look unbeatable in this match. He
   sells little and beats both Warriors pillar to post. The LOD are unable
   to connect on their old finisher when Meng pushes Hawk off the top rop.
   They eventually get the win via a very weak clothesline from Hawk to
   the Barbarian, with Animal getting the pin.

 - Mean Gene interviews Kevin Sullivan, Hugh Morrus, Arn Anderson, and
   Brian Pillman. Long story short: The Horsemen will now feud with the
   Dungeon of Doom. Sullivan and Anderson come to blows as Pillman cowers
   outside the ring. Sullivan whips Pillman with a belt. Arn chases Morrus
   and Sullivan off and demands a match next week. Pillman says he got them
   into it... he'll get them out of it.
 
 - MADUSA vs. SHERRI
   Mean Gene starts to interview Sherri, then spots Madusa climbing the 
   ropes. The whole thing is an excuse for Gene to yell out his catchphrase
   "I'm outta here! Gimme a break!" Sherri doesn't even look to be dressed
   for a match as she's wearing a black evening dress. Madusa looks to be
   wearing workout gear. (I'm not reporting what they were wearing simply to
   titillate or anything like that. I'm just trying to point out that it
   looked like this was an "unsqueduled match," even though they had been
   talking about it for a week.) Sherri gets the surprise pin following a
   reversal. Madusa then German Suplexes Sherri, nad slaps her around a bit,
   until the referees can chase her off. The whole thing lasted about two
   or three minutes.

 - RANDY SAVAGE vs. THE GIANT
   Giant enters the ring first. Savage is preceded by Hogan's entourage.
   Savage then sneaks into the ring from the opposite side, hits the Giant
   with the belt, and is disqualified by the ref! Seriously. The match
   lasted all of five seconds. The Giant then works over Savage, prepairing
   to deliver the chokeslam, when Hogan (eye heavily taped) enter with a
   steel chair. Hogan chases off the Giant, then the rest of the usual gang
   who run in at the end of every episode of Nitro.

   Ric Flair then charges the desk, where he does his absolutely stupid
   looking strut. He goes into his insane old man routine. The Giant arrives
   and Bischoff, Heenan, and McMichael flee. The heels take turns yelling
   what they are going to do to Hogan and company. The show ends with Hogan
   (looking 100% healthy despite the bandage) helping out the fallen champ
   Savage.

 - Next week's main event: One old man (or men) versus another old man (men)
   in a crappy match where the Dungeon of Doom and/or The Four Horsemen run
   in at the end. 

Comments: What an absolutely dreadful show. And here I thought WCW was 
turning things around. For about the nth week in a row Johnny B. Badd
isn't shown. What's the point of having a TV Champion who doesn't wrestle
on TV? (Unless you count his squashes on Pro and Saturday Night.) Guerrero.
Benoit, Malenko, Wright, and anyone else with a shred of talent are again
left off the card. Is Konnan in WCW? You wouldn't know it from stuff like
this.  


Bottom line: How can WCW expect to build any anticipation for SuperBrawl
with crap like this. WCW has consistantly shown that all big matches will
not have a clean finish, and that they will be forgotten quickly as they
move on to the next feud, all of which is booked around Hogan - a man who
isn't even the Champion (which I'm sure is soon to change once Savage turns
heel and Hogan beats him at Uncensored, or Slamboree, or whenever.)

The WWF on the other hand is doing a good job at selling the upcoming In
Your House as at least being interesting, and a springboard to WrestleMania,
which is slowly gaining the potential to be pretty good. Michaels vs. Hart
is a better matchup than anything WCW could even put together at a main 
event level right now.


This week's winner: RAW.