[RESULTS/OPINION]Monday Night RAW/Monday Nitro (1/1/96) Monday Night RAW: The RAW BOWL. Taped 12/18. - McMahon announces this is the first annual RAW BOWL. Everyone has shown up to see it. Including: The Huckster, The Nacho Man, Scheme Gene, and Billionaire Ted. (I'm absolutely serious. More on this later.) - RAZOR RAMON/SAVIO VEGA vs. THE SMOKING GUNNS vs. SID/1-2-3 KID (w/TED DIBIASE) vs. OWEN HART/YOKOZUNA (w/ JIM CORNETTE & MR. FUJI) The rules: One team in each corner. Each team has one time out. A team is eliminated when one member is pinned, submits, is DQ'ed, etc. Two men in the ring, they can tag anyone in (so that even partners would have to face each other.) A wrestler must come into physical contact with the opponent before he can tage out. One team wins when all the other three are eliminated. Got it? No? I don't blame you. The ring has an overlay that looks like a football field. The ref is wearing NFL style gear. The wrestlers all come to the ring wearing football jerseys. A marching band plays in the backround. Ramon is handed flowers by Goldust's usher. Razor chases off the lackey, as Goldust looks on. Very early in the match, Owen Hart is facing one of the Gunns. Owen tags in the other Gunn. They lock up, exchange a few hip toss attempts, then tag in Owen AND Yokozuna. Owen (looking like a deer about to be shot) bounces from rope to rope, eventually running into a Yokozuna clothes- line. (Pretty funny, actually.) Ramon and Vega are eliminated when Razor has the Kid ready for the "Razor's Edge." The Kid calls a time out. Razor Edges him anyway. DiBiase jumps on the apron to protest. While everyone is distracted, Sid enters the ring and clotheslines Ramon, then puts the Kid on him. The ref counts the pin. Vega tries to call a time out, but is too late. Next to go are Hart and Yokozuna. Owen sets one of the Gunns up for Yokozuna's "Banzai Drop." While Yoko takes his time climbing the ropes, the other Gunn comes in and pulls his partner away. Owen, who had been standing over the fallen Gunn, is tripped in the process, and recieves the Drop. One of the Gunns dropkicks Yoko out of the ring, while the other covers Owen for the pin. Yoko tried to call time out, but the ref missed it. The Gunns finally win the match when Sid has one of the Gunns and is holding him for a move from the Kid off the top rope. Razor Ramon comes out of nowhere and pushes the Kid, who floors Sid with a cross-body block. Bart (I think) covers Sid for the pin. Overall, a fairly fun match to watch, but it ran waaaay long: Nearly 30 minutes. McMahon and Lawler made jokes and puns using just about every NFL term and reference - Dok Hendrix with the halftime report. Shot of Jim Ross outside the lockerroom unsuccessful in trying to talk to Diesel about his match later in the night. Dok then hypes the Royal Rumble. - HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY vs. HENRY O. GODWIN This is the "Arkansas Hogpen Match" from In Your House. HHH wins, but is thrown in the slop anyway. Hillbilly Jim was special referee. An okay match, though we aren't shown the whole thing because of two commercial breaks. - KING MABEL (w/ SIR MO) vs. DIESEL It took longer for Mabel to get carried to the ring than this match lasted. Diesel with a whip to the ropes, big boot, and the pin. Diesel leaves the ring area arm-in-arm with the RAW BOWL Queen (Ashley something, who Lawler had been busy trying to pick up all night.) - McMahon announces that Shawn Michaels will be holding a press conference next week. Lawler says it's to announce Shawn's retirement. McMahon then hypes the Royal Rumble, announcing the first few participants: * Diesel * Owen Hart * British Bulldog * Dory Funk, Jr. (Don't call him "Hoss") * Savio Vega * King Mabel * Bam Bam Bigelow * Barry Horowitz * Yokozuna * Tatanka (Making his return) * Vader. Yes... Vader! Footage is shown of him working out (presumably somewhere in Colorado.) Same man. Same name. Same outfit. It's Vader time!!! - Show ends with a new WWF New Generation promo: "Billionaire Ted's Wrasslin' Warroom:" Scene is a boardroom conference table. Ted tells his two biggest stars, The Huckster, and The Nacho Man, that they need more action. Both are shown clips of WWF stars doing powerbombs, jack- knifes, etc. The Huckster says at his age, his feet never leave the ground. The Nacho Man (show snapping into a beef snack) says he's never done it before, and he's not about to start. When asked what they CAN do, they both stand up and pose: The Huckster is seen keeling over mid-pose. Voiceover: "The WWF New Generation - On top of the hill... not OVER it!" - Next week's main event: Bret Hart vs. The British Bulldog match from In Your House. Viewer discretion advised. Plus Hakushi vs. Jeff Jarrett. Comments: A great way to kick off the year. The RAW BOWL match, though only the usual WWF fare, was just different enough to be amusing. Showing the PPV match (though maybe bad for future buyrates) is a good idea. The announcement of Vader in the Rumble, and the truly hilarious promo at the end were icing on the cake. (And just for the record, I've never criticised WCW for taking potshots at the WWF. I'm sure many will say McMahon has lowered himself to do this. Well... you'll get no argument from me. But damn, this was funny.) Monday Nitro: Live. - RANDY SAVAGE vs. ARN ANDERSON Savage worked a bit better than his other recent matches in this one. Arn is, as expected, a solid worker. Crowd seemed fairly split for these two (even though the Omni is traditionally the Horsemen's old stomping grounds.) This match screamed "run-in" though we were actually treated to a pinfall (albeit screwy.) Arn yanks an international object from his tights. Savage clocks him and retrieves the object - then knocks him out for a pin (surreptitiously depositing the object back into Anderson's own tights.) Benoit (yes, Benoit - finally,) and Pillamn run in to complain. Savage beats a hasty retreat. During the match, Bischoff announces that the Smoking Gunns won the RAW BOWL (this while the match was still in progress over on USA.) - LORD STEVEN REGAL (w/ GEEVES) vs. CHRIS BENOIT This was an excellent match. Regal really cranked it up, delivering some fairly stiff shots to Benoit. Some really good mat work by both. Regal delivered a nice double underhook suplex. Benoit had an okay piledriver. This was the type of match that makes people ask if they really don't like each other. Benoit misses his top rope headbutt dive, then shortly thereafter a standing plancha to the outside floor. (Good pop from the crowd for that one.) Regal gets the pin on the woozy Benoit. After the match, Mean Gene interviews Pillman, Arn, and Benoit. Pillman berates his conrades for starting the night 0 for 2. Benoit defends his work, while Arn chastises Pillman for getting the Horsemen into unnecessary arguments. At some point, Pillman makes a disparaging remark about the Dungeon of Doom. Kevin Sullivan comes to ringside, but is restrained by Jimmy Hart, the Giant, and the Zodiac. - STING/LEX LUGER vs. THE SUPER ASSASSINS (w/ COL. PARKER) Boring. Sgt. Craig Pittman is shown asking Steve McMichael to manage him. He must be desperate. McMichael tells him he's too busy, and that he thinks Pittman doesn't need a manager. Meanwhile, Luger puts Assassin #1 into the Rack, while Sting slaps the Scorpion on #2. Crowd pops big for the Rack, even bigger for the Scorpion. Nothing but punches, kicks, and bodyslams in this match. - Mean Gene interviews Jimmy Hart and the Giant. If you've watched Nitro at all over the last few months, you would know that this was a good time to go make a sandwich. - HULK HOGAN vs. RIC FLAIR Yes, Hogan's suspension has been lifted. Flair is a 12 time World Champion, so naturally he comes out first. This was probably the worst match I've seen them work. They lock up, Flair chops, Hogan no-sells, they lock up, Flair punches, etc, etc. Flair gets slammed off the top turnbuckle and does his flop into a Hogan clothesline on the apron. Flair suplexes Hogan, who then does his twitch (which usually indicates a throat injury.) Hogan eventually Hulks up, blocks a few punches, hits the big boot, and drops the Leg-Drop-O'-Doom (twice.) Before he can cover for the pin, Jimmy Hart (who had come to ringside to badmouth Hogan with the megaphone) jumps on the apron. The ref suitably distracted, Arn enters the ring and waits to use his international object on Hogan. Arn pops Hogan. The crowd pops. Hogan pops back up immediately and relieves Arn of his international object. The ring fills with all Four Horsemen, who then proceed to COWER AGAINST THE ROPES IN FEAR OF THE FORCE THAT IS HULKAMANIA!!! Seriously. All four on their knees begging Hogan to spare them. Fortunately the Giant enters the ring wielding a barstool, which is confiscated by Savage before any harm can be done. The Horsemen, thoroughly embarrased in a venue they once ruled, slinks back to the showers. Mean Gene interviews Hogan and Savage, who challenge the Horsemen (Arn and Flair... Hell, the whole group if necessary) to a match next week. - Show ends with Bischoff confirming that several member of the executive comitte in attendance have signed the main event for next week. - Next week's main event: Hogan/Savage vs. The Four Horsemen. Comments: What was a decent show in the first half, went totally out the window in the second. The Sting/Luger tag match was a waste of time. But the real killer was Hogan's total humiliation of the Horsemen. I now have indelibly burned in my mind the image of the four of them on their knees, begging - nay, pleading for their safety. It was disgusting, to say the least. This would all seem to be leading up to a Horsemen/Hulka- maniacs match at Clash of the Champions. Bottom line: Real Horsemen don't beg. This week's winner: RAW (Though Benoit/Regal was the match of the night.)