Slobberknocker Central Monday Night Recap #239 June 12th, 2000 The Opening Word: I mentioned it, all the major wrestling news sites confirmed it, and in the end WCW decided to run with it: Goldberg turned heel at the Great American Bash. Whether it was a last-second decision like some say, a "Plan B" in case something else fell through, or the plan all along, WCW went with the move that was sure to disappoint the maximum number of fans. Across the Internet WCW fans disappointed and outraged voiced their opinions of the PPV. Without hesitation WCW and its defenders have labeled them "WWF marks". WCW's *own* fans. Pissed on by the company they desperately want to succeed. It's one thing to shrug off the complaints of those who you assume are loyal WWF fans. Of course they're going to criticize what WCW does, right? But it's another to trash those people who are supposed to in your pocket who didn't like what took place at the PPV. What does WCW say to the little kid crying because his hero, Goldberg, turned bad? "Aww, he's just a WWF mark!" Evil has run amok in WCW, and for nearly six months the fans have been holding their breaths, waiting for Goldberg to come back and make everything alright. Who do the fans hold their breath for now? Who's going to make everything alright now? Kevin Nash--The lazy bastard whose knees are so bad he can barely walk, much less wrestle? Sting--The guy they set on fire and dropped through the stage? Ric Flair--the old man who Vince Russo is going to retire tonight? Hulk Hogan--that sad old circus act who peaked back in the 80's? Diamond Dallas Page--the guy so great all of his best friends turn on him at the drop of a hat? Scott Steiner--the roid freak with the dirty mouth? The battle between Good and Evil is a little like shovelfuls of dirt in a hole. Evil takes a scoop out, while Good puts one back in. The goal is to keep that hole filled at ground level. Too many scoops of dirt from the Good side and you build a mound that Evil can never dent. Too many scoops taken out by Evil and you have a hole Good can never fill. Vince Russo has dug a hole for himself which can never be filled again. It maybe sounds silly to describe wrestling in such terms, but if you cut through everything wrestling is, that underlying theme of Good versus Evil is alive and well, and is still what draws money for the business. The characters of the year 2000 may have more of an edge to them, and the heroes may not be as pure as they once were, but all the roles are still the same as they've always been, and fans tune in each week to see Good triumph over Evil. WCW, in its rush to create an event by turning Goldberg, created a vacuum which they have little hope of filling. There's no one there who is as popular as Goldberg was to take his place. Oh they'll try with Nash, Hogan, Flair and others, but none of them will be as big as Goldberg was. Who do the fans hold their breath for now? Who's going to make everything alright now? That's an easy one ... it's Goldberg. Turning Goldberg heel set running a mental countdown to the day he turns babyface again. No one is going to care much about what happens before then because not only will none of the babyfaces be equal to Goldberg, deep down most fans don't want to see Goldberg lose anyway. The interesting thing to look for will be to see who turns Goldberg babyface first, WCW or the fans. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WCW Monday Nitro: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Two Hours+. Location: Richmond, Virginia. Hosted By: Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson & Mark Madden. HOUR ONE: - Clips are shown from the PPV. - Limousines arrive at the arena. Eric Bischoff & Vince Russo exit the cars smoking cigars. Goldberg is with them. - For some reason Scott Hudson has no shirt on. He's being punished for saying something about Russo not having a shirt on. Whatever. - Bischoff & Russo hit the ring, Bischoff bragging about his surprise. "It shouldn't be a surprise to anybody," says Bischoff. (That's the truth! EVERYONE saw it coming.) Goldberg's turn came about because he wanted to prove he's a team player, or something like that. Eric says the fans are "a waste of his time." Goldberg trusts Eric because he was there for him before he was a star. Goldberg comes out TO ALMOST NO REACTION. No cheers, and very few boos. Now they're booing him. The crowd, many of whom wouldn't know what happened at the PPV, are stunned and disappointed into silence. As Goldberg rags on them they throw back some half-hearted boos. "They get what they want, I get what I want. And that's standing over every son-of-a-bitch that screwed me! Spear this!" Cue the Wolfpac music. Kevin Nash comes out, also to very little fan reaction. He says he's tired of listening to their "shit", which riles the crowd up. Another "shit" and "son-of-a-bitch" follow (okay, at this point Nash is just swearing to swear). Nash says Goldberg didn't make Goldberg: he, Sting, Steiner, Hogan and others made Goldberg. Nash goes after Goldberg, only to be grabbed and handcuffed by cops. Russo objects, though, and says to release him into his custody. Russo wants ratings, he says, and tonight Nash will face Goldberg. Madden says it's "Godzilla versus Megalon", which is NOT a flattering comparison. Nash got a few pops here, but nothing close to sustained heat. (Probably because most fans are thinking Nash will turn and join the New Blood too by the time the show is over.) - Jeff Jarrett asks Ernest Miller if he has the stroke to book a match between himself and Hogan tonight. - Nash is being stuffed into a squad car to cool off. Russo yells at some kid--Nash's nephew, I guess. Great, another kid at ringside. Scott Steiner pops up and chases Russo away. - Clip from last week of the Mamalukes beating Terry Funk. - Terry Funk jumps Big Vito backstage, after a scene establishing that Johnny the Bull has been locked in a room. Is this a match? Guess so ... TERRY FUNK vs. BIG VITO Funk pounds on him with a garbage can. He traps him beneath a steel shutter door (that looks familiar) and hits him with a chair. A security guard helps Vito get free. Funk chases Vito all through the back, eventually out into the arena. Funk traps Vito in the cage a Nitro Girl dances in during the commercial (Schiavone actually explaining its purpose for once). Vito knocks Funk off the platform the cage is on through some stacked tables covered with a black cloth. That was convenient. Huge "Terry! Terry!" chant from the crowd. Funk leans a table up against the ring. Vito rallies back and slams Funk into it. Vito is in control now, and put Funk away with a piledriver through a table. Funk hands the belt to Vito and shakes his hand as a sign of respect. Vito then hits Funk from behind. Not good but watchable--I have a feeling this will be the best match of the show. Miller's backstage yelling about something. - Vampiro tells a mysterious robed figure that he destroyed Sting, and that it's all over. The figure says it's nor over, and that there's more people to destroy in WCW. Vampiro protests. Lame-o! - Bischoff tells Steiner to watch his young, innocent, sure-to-be-a-hostage soon nephew. - Shane Douglas hits the ring. He says things haven't gone the way he's planned them. Aww geez--his career's in the crapper and he's going back to what he does best: piss and moan. Douglas says his partner is back, and they're going to kick some ass. Out comes Buff Bagwell, looking and acting as fruity as ever. Bagwell makes an enema joke about Kronic. SHANE DOUGLAS/BUFF BAGWELL vs. KRONIC Madden makes the obligatory pot reference. Somebody please write AOL Time Warner and say WCW is advocating drug use (hey--the WWF's already gotten heat from the PTC for the same thing!) Kronic win this one in a breeze. Douglas and Bagwell tease a split, then Douglas follows through by hitting Bagwell in the back of the head. Douglas blames his crappy last month of Bagwell. Anytime someone goes away in WCW they instantly do a turn when they come back. Miller is looking for Hogan. - Mean Gene interviews Kidman, who will be the referee in the Hogan-Jarrett match. - Don't you hate it when a joke goes around and WCW decides to use the idea? They show a press conference where Paisley announces that "The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea" is will now be known as "The Artist". Suddenly Captain Rection's horny father makes a grab for her pie. No, really, he shows her the pie and everything. Another foray by WCW into Ed Wood levels of bad-ness. - Rection leads the Misfits in Action to the ring. He declares war on the Artist for touching his pants-wetting dad. Or grandfather. WCW can't decide which he's supposed to be. Holy GOD this show SUCKS! Paisley demands a match between the Artist and Lt. Loco for the Cruiserweight Title. Sting was badly burned. And he fell "50 feet". That's as bad as Val Venis falling "10 feet" on SmackDown! last week! LT. LOCO (w/ the MIA) vs. THE ARTIST (w/ Paisley) Remember when the WCW marks declared the "new" WCW better because the Artist had been removed from the Cruiserweight Title scene? What, you want to know about the match? What match? Paisley gets into an argument with Major Guns. There's outside interference. Loco then does like two moves and gets the pin. The old guy then tries to get himself some of Paisley's pie. Ric Flair has arrived. GOD DAMN--he's still got the wife and kids with him. Which one is going to turn on him tonight? Russo brings Goldberg some girls, but Goldberg apparently isn't into that kind of thing, so he sends them away. - Miller lets Hogan know he can have his title shot tonight. This turns out to be a distraction, as Jarrett clobbers him with a guitar. Horace, shown lying nearby, has been laid out as well. HOUR TWO: - Vince Russo and David Flair come out. Russo tells David he's proud of his performance at the PPV. (Say, where was the MYSTERIOUS RED NOT BLOOD LIQUID to help them beat Flair?) Russo says he's not going to take it anymore, and calls Ric Flair out. Flair appears. He questions Russo manhood, saying's he's no Space Mountain. The gist of all this is Flair challenges Russo, and if Flair wins he takes over Russo's role, Russo has to retire, Flair gets his son back, and they shave Russo's head. If Flair loses (he actually says "dies") then Flair will retire, and his head will be shaved. Who loses their mask? Notice how all these big angles start and play out during the course of one show? Russo plays his trump card, saying he and David do everything together (Miss Hancock?), and that it'll be a handicap match. There's Jeff Jarrett. - Goofy split-screen shot of Goldberg in the back and Nash "cooling off" in the squad car. Do these cops REALLY have nothing better to do than that? - JEFF JARRETT vs. "HOLLYWOOD" HOGAN I'm not sure when, why or how, but Kidman is a babyface now. Don't ask me, but the announcers swear to it. Something about Horace turning on Kidman by not helping him during the Hogan-Kidman match at the PPV, in which Horace was the referee. The early minutes of this match are all Hogan. Hogan whips Jarrett with the weight belt on the floor. Jarrett rallies back for a series of punches, but Hogan quickly reassumes control. Back to the floor they go, where Jarrett hits Hogan with a chair. Now Hogan has the chair. Whack! Back in the ring Hogan enters the final stretch, as we see Russo and Goldberg come out. Jarrett goes down (big boot off camera?), and Hogan drops the leg. Goldberg comes in to break it up. He lines up the spear, with Kidman standing in the way, warning Hogan not to stand up. Goldberg spears Kidman, throws him out of the ring, then spears Hogan. A tossed drink and a few boos aside, this crowd can't muster up the energy to react. Russo sends a table in and Goldberg Jackhammers Hogan through it! Whoa. The crowd's making a little noise now, but you can see lots of them desperately looking up the aisle for someone to come out and make the save. G.I. Bro runs in, and the lack of a pop indicates he's not the one they were hoping for. The EMT's come out to cart Hogan away. - Diamond Dallas Page makes his way out. The "Forest Gump" of wrestling, heh. He's carrying a lemon. I guess when life gives you lemons, drink a lemon beer, or something. He talks about doing all these things people never thought he could do, and illustrates his point by pointing to the "Whatever" on his t-shirt. That's kind of my reaction here. Eric Bischoff, Kimberly and Kanyon come out. DDP says this business has cost him his health, family and friends, and he's had enough of it. So he quits. I'm supposed to be all sad, right? The crowd seemed much more interested in seeing themselves on the big screen than listening to what Page had to say. - They show some stills from Sting-Vampiro match. Seems to me if a spot is so dangerous that you need a stunt man to do it, then maybe you shouldn't do it. It's not like we can commend Sting for the great bump he took if he's not the one who took it, right? Didn't Sting need a stunt man once before when he was attacked by some dogs, during a PPV last year? - VAMPIRO vs. KISS DEMON Vampiro talks about Sting being his bitch and him to hell, or something. Like I needed to see *that* guy again. Snoozer of a match, which stumbles to a screeching halt when Vampiro climbs up onto the lower part of the Turner-Tron. He waits forever while the Demon laboriously puts himself in position to catch Vampiro. Vamp jumps off, and both crash to the stage and ramp. The ref calls for the bell because ... beats me. No winner. Vamp comes up with a lot of blood under his arm. I think the Demon spit that at him. Scott Steiner leave's Nash's nephew "Hunter" with a pair of large breasts backstage. Nash is still cooling off in the cruiser. - Russo does some obligatory worrying about his match with Flair. You know, they should probably kill the mic in the room before cutting to the next scene. That way we wouldn't hear the signals made by the camera crew. - Kanyon and Kimberly come out. Kanyon, like Shawn Stasiak and Chuck Palumbo before him, has been given another wrestler's gimmick. He now acts like DDP, coming out to his music. Kimberly has a perfume spritzer, which contains "Positively Me" at $395 A BOTTLE?!. Kanyon explains his turn on DDP by saying Eric Bischoff was the one that came to visit him at the hospital, and that by turning on DDP Bischoff assured him he'd become a star. He says he's taking back the move he taught to DDP, the Diamond Cutter. He'll be signing copies of his book, "Positively Kanyon", at the New Jersey Port Authority. Cue the obligatory open challenge accepted by a big star, shocking the person making the challenge ... KANYON (w/ Kimberly) vs. SCOTT STEINER (w/ Midajah) No match to speak of. Kanyon gives the ref the Diamond Cutter. Kimberly fetches Mike Awesome, and he and Kanyon beat on Steiner until Kronic makes the save, chasing Awesome and Kanyon off through the crowd. Kimberly tries to follow, but is cut off by Miss Hancock appearing out of the crowd at the precise spot Kimberly tries to climb over the rail. How in the world would Hancock know where to wait for Kimberly, much less know that she'd run away through the crowd? Even granting her the ability to quickly cover one entire side of ring and move freely amongst the fans, there'd still be a three-to-one chance that she'd be out of position to confront Kimberly--and she'd have been totally screwed if Kimberly had just run away up the aisle. Hancock chases Kimberly into the ring. Mark Madden makes his weekly nonsensical reference to marijuana, which he does everytime he sees Miss Hancock. Kimberly asks Hancock to take off her glasses. Hancock is a dumb blonde, so she does. Kimberly whips out the perfume spritzer and shoots some at Hancock's face. Unfortunately the spray goes in the opposite direction, out towards the crowd. HANCOCK SELLS IT ANYWAY. Kimberly stomps on Hancock's glasses and departs. Flair ... Russo ... NEXT! - Steiner demands a match with Mike Awesome, then he and the Freaks notice the kid is missing. - RIC FLAIR vs. VINCE RUSSO/DAVID FLAIR Flair chops David to start. Russo comes in and Flair chops him, but sensing something's up, he opens his coat. Russo's wearing a protective chest pad. Flair removes it and chops Russo down. He goes back to chopping David. I know these chops are over, but can't these guys do anything else? Oops--Flair with a suplex. A Figure Four is applied, at which point Russo comes in with a bat and whacks Flair. Reid Flair tries to make the save, but David pulls him off, while Russo continues beating Ric senseless. He calls Flair's wife Beth into the ring. R&B Security come in to make sure whatever sick little drama Russo has planned can play out. The fans chant for Hogan. Russo orders Beth to smash a Statue of Liberty over Flair's head, but she won't. He grabs it from her, the statue falling apart in his hands. Russo takes a shot with what's left, at which point Flair's daughter Megan throws in the towel, thus ending her father's career and making Vince Russo the biggest bastard I've ever seen. Russo comes up with some clippers and he and David start cutting Flair's hair off. Flair, shaved bald on top, looks like either Hulk Hogan or Dory Funk--take your pick. This is despicable. I have little interest in seeing Flair at all ever again, much less getting his revenge on Russo. Hell, Russo will probably be a babyface by the time Flair comes back. The two will probably team up and win the Tag Team Titles. Flair, looking seventy years old, is held back as Russo and David trim off some of Reid's hair too. HEY RUSSO, WHY DON"T YOU JUST F#@% FLAIR'S WIFE WHILE YOU'RE AT IT?! Nash is released from the squad car, having cooled down. Where's MY cop car so *I* can cool down? - KEVIN NASH vs. GOLDBERG Punch, kick, ah--who cares. Goldberg whiffs a chair near Nash's head. The New Blood circle the ring to prevent any run-ins. Scott Steiner tries to make the save, and actually demolishes the New Blood singlehandedly, only to be jumped and Rodney King-ed by the police. Russo forces Nash's nephew to watch as Goldberg props Nash's corpse up. - This Wednesday: Nothing announced. - Next week: Nothing announced. Comments: So, let us review. In the last two days we've seen: * Kanyon turn on DDP--he joins the New Blood. * Sting is BBQ'ed. * Goldberg joins the New Blood. * DDP quits. * Hulk Hogan is laid out. * Ric Flair is beaten, retired, has his head shaved, his son is shaved. * Nash is beaten like a dog two straight nights. And, things the fans would like: * ... ? But hey, the fans aren't totally without hope. They know that if they tune into a WCW show, they may see, if they're very lucky, Terry Funk win a match, or Captain Rection's grandpa get mouth-to-mouth. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WWF RAW is WAR: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Two Hours+. Location: St. Louis, Missouri. Hosted By: Jim Ross & Jerry "The King" Lawler. WWF RAW: - Clips from SmackDown! open the show. If you missed it, you missed a hell of a match between Chris Benoit and Jeff Hardy. Also a hot brawl between Rikishi and Val Venis. (Too bad Michael Cole can't tell the difference between five feet and ten feet.) - The Rock is out to kick things off. The crowd is so hot he kills a minute smelling what's cooking. He says the usual stuff, the highlight being that Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley's slut value has been lowered to fifty cents. The Rock tells the Undertaker, Kane and Triple H to "just bring it!" Kane rumbles to the ring. Isn't it weird how much he sounds like the Undertaker used to? Kane says consider his ass brought. The Undertaker is the next to arrive, roaring to the ring on his motorcycle. And just as a three-way rumble is about to commence, cue ... the RAW theme? Out comes Linda McMahon. She chides the three in the ring for falling for the McMahon-Helmsley Faction's machinations. They're doing just what they want them to do, she tells them. Linda's mic skills leave something to be desired, but damned if she isn't over just like every other member of the McMahon family. She suggests they join forces until the King of the Ring. That brings out the McMahon-Helmsley Faction. Vince badmouths Linda, mockingly comparing her to Mother Theresa, Joan of Arc, and (an attractive) Janet Reno. In my head I imagine him calling her a "meddlesome bitch!" Then Vince calls her "a meddlesome, goody two-shoes, castrating shrew of a wife." Well, we're almost on the same brain wavelength. Vince makes a crack referencing Linda and the WWF's court case against the USA Network. Linda spends the next few minutes playing matchmaker, putting Vince & Shane in a "Table Match" against the Dudley Boyz, Stephanie defending the Women's Championship against Lita, and Triple H putting the belt up against a mystery opponent. There's got to be some way they can do these segments in less than twenty minutes. - Triple H tries to talk his way into Linda's good graces. She blows him off and departs in her limo. - X-PAC (w/ Road Dogg & Tori) vs. DEAN MALENKO (w/ Two Ho's) Jim Ross acknowledges the past history between Malenko and X-Pac (Malenko trained him). X-Pac starts things off with a kick. The two then go into a series of moves which ends up with Malenko attempting the Texas Cloverleaf, and X-Pac escaping by crawling to the ropes. Good stuff. The match is way too short, though, with Tori distracting the ref and Road Dogg clobbering Malenko behind his back, leaving him open to an X-Factor from the 'Pac. This one is begging for a rematch, preferably at the PPV. X-Pac qualifies for the KotR tournament. Hey now ... Lita's stretching, warming up for her match. Stephanie wants to know what she should do about Lita. Triple H is too busy fretting over his mystery opponent. - STEPHANIE MCMAHON-HELMSLEY vs. LITA If any member of the Faction interferes then Stephanie will be DQ'ed, losing the title. She whines to the fans about this not being fair, and how she's brought honor and dignity to the belt for 74 days. (That's true--remember when Harvey Whippleman held it?) By the time she's done the crowd is dying to see her get hers. Lita starts off a house afire, flopping Steph with a snapmare. A few more moves sends Stephanie to the floor, where she grabs her legs and pretends to be hurt. As the ref checks on her someone comes in from the other side of the ring. It's Kurt Angle! He plants Lita with an awesome Olympic Slam. Stephanie gamely reenters the ring and covers for the pin, the referee seemingly not at all concerned that Lita is now suddenly unconscious. Angle comes in to celebrate and, and for the first time the two consentually hug. Angle's celibate ways kick in for a moment, but after Stephanie adopts Angle's post-match pose he's driven to hug her again. Triple H, watching this on a monitor in the back, begins to wonder. Another hug by the two as they exit prompts Ross to quip that the two should get a room. Vince has rounded up the posse and they crash into Kane's dressing room. Triple H downs him with a shot to the face with a club. They then pull off Kane's mask (away from the camera) and Pat Patterson snaps a picture with a camera. That was weird. - Ah, the idea behind the previous segment is that Vince will use the photo to blackmail Kane into being on their side tonight. If he doesn't play ball, they'll show the world what Kane really looks like, humiliating him. Would Kane really care about us seeing his face? Patterson & Brisco are off getting the picture developed. - T & A (w/ Trish Stratus) vs. TOO COOL If you ever wondered what a six minute match squeezed into two minutes looked like, this match is it. Man, they're sure blowing through this one. Cut to the finish, where Val Venis runs in to stop Scotty Too Hotty from doing the Worm, drawing a DQ. The little guys get destroyed until Rikishi makes the save. Even though we already saw it, the fans are just mad-crazy-hot to see Trish get the stinkface again. Venis provides a distraction, allowing Albert to pull Trish out, and spare me from having to hear Lawler comment on SmackDown! how bad Trish's breath is. The Dudley Boyz got wood. Vince ain't 'fraid a no tables. - VINCE MCMAHON/SHANE MCMAHON vs. THE DUDLEY BOYZ D-Von gets to pound on Vince, and you just know this match is an ECW fan's wet dream. Vince is sent into the ring steps, then Shane is superplexed in the ring. Vince comes in and Buh-Buh slams him. D-Von follows with the top-turnbuckle headbutt to the grapefruits. Vince is incapacitated, and Shane is put away with a 3D. In come the tables, one set up proper, one leaned up in the corner. Shane is laid on the table, while D-Von hands Buh-Buh Vince for the big spot we just knew wouldn't happen. Road Dogg and X-Pac run in, knocking Buh-Buh and Vince off the top to the floor. Ouch! D-Von is powerbombed through the one table. I think Jim Ross points out these "Table Matches" are no DQ. Buh-Buh is then set up on the other table. Tori comes off the top with a splash, but Buh-Buh's TOO FAT and she bounces off, the table staying intact! Hah! The ref calls for the bell anyway. Screw that, says the MHF. They order Buh-Buh back on (don't think we were supposed to hear that) and Tori does it again, this time with everyone holding Buh-Buh in place and Shane pushing Tori down during her descent, assuring that the table breaks. A fun match, minus a few points for the screwed up finish. - Triple H hatches a scheme with Bull Buchanan, who was supposed to face the Undertaker tonight. He suggests Bull take the Undertaker's motorcycle for a joyride. Bull starts it up, as we see the Undertaker looming in the distance. Triple H, Pat Patterson & Gerald Brisco run for their lives, as Bull roars away. The Undertaker pulls some poor schmoe out of his car and commandeers it to give chase. The cameraman barely avoids being run over TWICE. They need some of those WCW stuntmen. Triple H and the Stooges chuckle over what a maroon the Undertaker is. Triple H heads off to get ready for his match. Gerald Brisco is then jumped by Crash Holly, who we saw just moments earlier stalking him. Patterson tries to help, gets knocked down, and Brisco runs away, Crash in pursuit. WWF WAR ZONE: - Brisco comes to the ring, followed by Holly ... CRASH HOLLY vs. GERALD BRISCO Holly uses plunder, Brisco does a war dance, Patterson waddles in, accidentally hits Brisco, and Crash scores the pin. That's his ninth Hardcore Title win according to my count. Patterson's skid-stained BVD's didn't put in an appearance, so this was okay. Pat & Gerry tease a split, then make up. Crash has a plan to make sure he doesn't lose his belt again. Part of this plan should hinge on him not forgetting his belt on the roof of the car as he drives away! Oh, he remembers, stops, and retrieves it. That was weird. Triple H explains to Stephanie that he needs to study tapes of his opponents to prepare for his matches, thus putting him at a disadvantage when there's a "mystery" opponent. - TRIPLE H vs. CHRIS JERICHO Oh man, this one's gonna be sweet. Jericho dominates early, bringing the crowd into the match, making them believe he can win. Triple H rallies, because he's a fighting champ and not a puss like Jeff Jarrett. Several minutes in we get the near-falls, bringing the crowd to its feet. Holy crap, Triple H just took a huracanrana! Both men are down. NOW both men are up. Jericho's rolling, and damned if I'm not starting to think he really could win here. After all, the title isn't on the line at the PPV. Triple H doesn't need it--why not give it to Jericho for several weeks? He could lose it back sometime next month, well before the WWF sets up the main event for the next PPV. Triple H escapes a Walls of Jericho, but in the process takes a shot to the nards. Stephanie starts tying up the ref. Triple H goes for his belt, but Jericho kicks him in the head. A Lionsault follows. 1 ... 2 ... 3--new WWF Champion--or there would be if the ref weren't STILL tied up with Stephanie. Ref bump--arrrgh! Stephanie comes in and Y2J slaps her in the Walls of Jericho! Triple H swings the belt, covers, and 1 ... don't-do-it ... 2 ... please-kick-out ... 3. Bittersweet, awestruck, words can't describe what I'm feling. - Kane throws a fit. - CHRIS BENOIT vs. MATT HARDY This is where we usually get a Big Bossman/Bull Buchanan/Al Snow/Steve Blackman match, so even if the main event craps out this week, we'll have improved from the norm. Lord, I can't call this--there's too much going on. Powerbomb. Moonsault. Legdrop. Hardy suplexes Benoit to the floor, drawing a "holy shit!" chant from a few in the crowd. Hardy then charges, Benoit flips him up, and Matt springs back off the ropes upside-down, DDT-ing Benoit on the floor! Ay caramba! More awesome stuff in the ring, culminating in Benoit slapping on the Crippler Crossface and Matt tapping out. Benoit keeps the hold on, because he's evil, so Jeff Hardy runs in for the save. Oops--spoke too soon. Benoit clobbers Jeff too. Benoit's the real shizit. Edge & Christian chuckle about Jeff's predicament, and discuss whether or not Edge should do a run-in during Christian's match. - CHRISTIAN (w/ Edge) vs. JEFF HARDY (w/ Matt Hardy) Christian just kills Jeff, but can't put him away. Is it just me or is everyone in the WWF flipping WCW the finger tonight, what with all this WRESTLING? Christian hits a suplex off the top, but Jeff hooks him during the pin attempt and scores an upset pin. Jeff makes it into the KotR. The Rock--geez, forgot all about him. He's next. - Vince McMahon and crew come out to brag about how Linda's plans haven't exactly paid off tonight. All the Faction members won their matches. In their final crowning achievement, Kane will face the Rock, because he doesn't want us to see that photo of his face. THE ROCK vs. KANE Pretty much 50/50 offense by the two until a spinebuster sets Kane up for a People's Elbow. Kane does the zombie sit-up, so the Rock kicks him back down and drops the elbow. Triple H hits the apron, distracting the Rock. Kane gets up, hits a big boot, and follows with a flying clothesline off the turnbuckles. Suddenly the "GTV" logo appears on the Titan-Tron. Pat & Gerry are in the back, eager to look at the photo of Kane, back fresh from the lab. They pull it out of the envelope, but are horrified to learn the picture didn't come out. They decide to not tell Vince, figuring what he doesn't know won't hurt him. The "G" in "GTV" apparently stands for "God", because what else could you label this but divine intervention? Kane, now off the hook, joins the Rock in kicking some MHF ass. Yup, "sports entertainment" finish. Everyone brawls. The Undertaker returns (on his bike), the Dudleyz come out with a table and, long story short, Kane and the Undertaker double chokeslam Triple H through the table. Send 'em home happy, Vince always says. Which is why he's a billionaire. - This Thursday: Nothing announced. - Next week: Nothing announced. Comments: Wasn't Samuel L. Jackson supposed to be on the show? What happened to Bull Buchanan? Hey King, Michael Cole saying it was "10 feet" was crazy. You saying it was "15 feet" was absurd. A few flaws aside, this was a tremendous show. There's not much more I can say than that. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Bottom Line: I should have a lot to write about next week, with the WWF/USA/Viacom court case nearing a decision, and WCW possibly about to be bought by SFX. The world of wrestling as we know it is about to undergo some massive changes in the coming days, weeks and months. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Slobberknocker Central" and "Monday Night Recap" are copyright 2000 by John Petrie, and all opinions expressed therein are his own, and not those of "USLink". Check the "Slobberknocker Central" main page for info on how to receive the "Recap" free via E-Mail every week. Volume One, Number 239 of the "Monday Night Recap", June 12th, 2000.