In my rush to get the Recap done early this week I made a number of blunders in in the RAW section, including forgetting to mention that the Tag Titles had changed hands, and totally screwing up the call for the Bull Buchanan/Steve Blackman match! A corrected version of the Recap is below. My apologies for the slip-ups. ... Slobberknocker Central Monday Night Recap #237 May 29th, 2000 The Opening Word: Somebody must have said or written something about me last week because over the weekend I was flooded with dozens of new AOL subscribers. Welcome aboard everyone! Hopefully you're not all big WCW fans 'cuz I'm likely to lose you all pretty quick. You're going to get a taste of what this Recap is usually about right out of the gate this week. ... WCW fans had to be shaking in their boots after Vince Russo's latest WCW live interview last Wednesday. In general his comments would be laughable if they weren't so scary. "G.I. Bro" is a marketable gimmick? Kimberly is a good actress? Scott Steiner's going to be as big as Steve Austin?! I'm still trying to reconcile the fundamental contradiction which seems to lie at the root of everything that Vince Russo says: that somehow he's a wrestling fan, yet he hates every current and past wrestling promotion. The only good wrestling there's EVER been has been the WWF and WCW shows he himself has booked. Everything else was/is slow or boring or predictable or unoriginal or doesn't make sense. Titles don't mean anything. Wins and losses don't mean anything. Gimmicks don't mean anything. The only thing that means anything, according to Russo, is creating characters people care about. Frankly, I'd like to know how you go about creating characters people care about without placing an emphasis on their matches, their wins and losses, and the titles they compete for? Oh yeah ... promos, catchphrases, and comedy segments. And being unpredictable. Apparently Vince Russo's master plan for WCW is to push the "Crash TV" concept to the point where actual matches are no longer necessary. According to Russo, the most important part of any WCW show is that it be unpredictable. More than once in his interview Russo says he hates it when wrestling is predictable. He calls the WWF predictable, and says they aren't running any storylines right now because they lost all their creativity when he left. (That is, I daresay, a novel assessment of the most popular wrestling promotion ever. Somehow the WWF has not only maintained the level of success he singlehandedly created, but have even furthered it, all while being boring and unoriginal.) I've seen this sentiment echoed elsewhere over the weekend by fans of WCW. They insist the WWF is just waiting to collapse, because the only thing they have going for them is Steve Austin eventually coming back. When that happens the WWF will have played their last hole card, and fans will get bored and stop watching. My response to that would be to ask just what exactly does WCW have waiting for them? So the Rock versus Triple H is a boring feud? Oh, but there's life left in all those top WCW feuds, right? Diamond Dallas Page, Sting, Scott Steiner, Lex Luger, Ric Flair, Hulk Hogan ... none of these guys have wrestled each other before, right? Maybe before Vince Russo and his fans cast stones they ought to board up the windows of their own glass house first. I'll admit there's trouble on the WWF horizon if they don't eventually mix some new blood into their main event storylines. But what about WCW? Isn't part of the reason they're not drawing viewers right now because of that very reason--that for three years WCW failed to create any new stars, and elevate anyone new to the main event level? And isn't WCW still failing to do that to this very day? It's amazing to me that the worst thing anyone can really say about the WWF is that it's boring, all the while ignoring the myriad of problems afflicting WCW. Then they further point out what they believe will be the WWF's downfall, looking at a worst-case scenario, while ignoring the much more serious problems within their own company. They'll accept that somehow Vince Russo will pull off a handful of miracles to keep WCW going, while not even conceding that Vince McMahon MAY make the changes needed to keep his product fresh and up-to-date. That's the difference in criticism aimed at WCW and criticism aimed at the WWF. WCW critics point out REAL problems currently afflicting WCW. WWF critics point out things that MAY happen someday, assuming everyone in the WWF suddenly becomes stupid and loses touch with the fans. Vince Russo knows WCW can't catch up to and pass the WWF, especially since the WWF still isn't showing any real signs of slowing down anytime soon. All the negative predictions one can aim at the WWF now could just as easily be said to have been a concern to them a year ago, when Vince Russo left the company, then Steve Austin and the Undertaker went out with injuries. The WWF was doomed without Russo to give them that creative spark which led to their resurgence in the first place. The Rock wasn't supposed to be as big a star as Steve Austin. Triple H would never get over and be able to carry the company as its top heel. And so on ... What no one expected was that the WWF would adapt and flourish. You can only attribute so much of today's success to coasting on their past glory. The WWF isn't hot today just because Russo put them on a plateau that they've yet to fall off of. The reason they're still on that plateau is because the WWF continues to do things that work for their fans. Whether it's angles, characters, storylines, production values, whatever, it isn't just appeasing a lemming-like mass of fans who'll buy whatever the WWF gives them. The WWF's audience is too big for that, and the radical change in direction they've taken over the last eight months or so shows that they're continuing to cultivate a satisfied fanbase. If WCW wants to say those fans are just suckers who approve of everything the WWF does then so be it ... ... but how exactly does that help them? What is WCW's strategy to keep from losing their OWN fans ... their strategy to draw in NEW fans ... their strategy to draw fans AWAY from the WWF? Russo believes being unpredictable is a key to turning WCW around. Yet every week he and everyone else in the business sees there's something like five million households out there who could care less about the WWF being predictable (for several months now, according to Russo & friends). How can he and WCW explain that discrepancy? They can't. The endless problems in WCW can't be solved by being unpredictable. It won't make people care about your wrestlers. It won't help get new gimmicks over. It won't improve match quality. It won't cover up for numerous and frequent production mistakes. It won't explain away lapses in common, simple logic. Most of these problems were brought up during Russo's appearance on WCW Live. Russo didn't offer much in the way of proposed solutions. He's good at stating the obvious, like saying you need to get people to care about the wrestlers, or that it'll take time to turn the TV ratings around. But as far as saying things that would lead one to believe he has an idea of how to correct these problems, that where we get comments like defending the G.I. Bro gimmick, or promises of big swerves in this upcoming installment of Nitro. I hear that, and look back over the last two months, and can't help but notice that TV ratings are still pretty bad. Live attendance is so far down that WCW canceled most of their house shows for June. The most recent PPV buyrate was one of the company's worst ever. You know, the brief Kevin Sullivan Era of WCW earlier this year wasn't exactly predictable. Nor was Vince Russo's previous run at the end of last year. Nor were the last few months of Kevin Nash as booker. There's being unpredictable, and there's being *wildly* unpredictable. Russo's approach is the latter. Is that a good thing? Only if the company is in any kind of shape for that approach to succeed. ... WCW, which has recently made fun of the WWF for relying on the returns of Mick Foley, Steve Austin, Shawn Michaels and the Undertaker, looks for their own fortunes to turn around this week by bringing back Goldberg. Oh, bitter irony ... ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WCW Monday Nitro: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Two Hours+. Location: Salt Lake City, Utah. Hosted By: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay & Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. HOUR ONE: - Clips from last week. - Ric Flair arrives, leaving his wife Beth and son Reid in the limo. After Flair is gone the two are snatched by Vince Russo and his security force. - Kevin Nash and Scott Steiner hit the ring. Nash talks for five minutes or so, saying how much he and Scott Hall want to kick Vince Russo's ass. He then calls out Ric Flair, who surprisingly gets next to no reaction from the crowd. Nash hands Flair the belt, saying it's his because he never lost it last week. Well, there's our obligatory title change ... will we get another bonus one later tonight? Jarrett comes out and challenges Flair to a match. Also Nash will wrestle Rick Steiner and Tank Abbott tonight, and if Scott Steiner interferes, he and Nash have to scrub Russo's toilet next week. Steiner tells Jarrett to kiss (*mute*) ass. Flair refuses to take Jarrett up on his challenge. Out comes Vince Russo, along with David Flair, and Flair's kidnapped family. Flair charges, and he, Nash and Steiner fight R&B Security as Russo escapes. Vampiro pulls up to the building driving a big rig hauling a tanker full of gasoline. Salt Lake City ... why does seeing that semi suddenly bring Karl Malone to mind? - Russo leads Beth and Reid through the back. Ric Flair is trying to track them down. - DISCO INFERNO (w/ the Filthy Animals) vs. LT. LOCO (w/ MIA) In WCW's continuing effort to make sure Disco Inferno never gets over, they've got him doing a gimmick where he comes off as a total nerd, not cool enough to hang with the Filthy Animals. He makes this a "Lumberjack Match". Konnan's arm is taped up from the injury he suffered on Thunder last week. Chavo does a few high spots, but the match quickly gets put on hold so they can do a skit with Major Guns and Rey Mysterio. Guns gives Rey-Rey a sultry dance, then kicks him in the nuts. Disco, who's been pummeled to death out on the ramp, is dumped back in the ring. Chavo hits the spinning DDT and gets the pin. In the ring comes Nitro Girls Tygress, who is supposedly dating Mysterio. She attacks Guns. Pamela interviews Vampiro. This is suddenly interrupted by Kronic beating up on Shane Douglas. They, in turn, are attacked by Shawn Stasiak and Chuck Palumbo. Then, just to make sure so much happens that we can't possibly remember any of it five minutes later, Miss Hancock walks down the hallway, allowing Mark Madden to try to get himself over with his "snootchie bootchies" catchphrase. - Miss Hancock comes out. She dances. Her music cuts off and Chris Candido comes out. He tells her not to stick her ass in his business. Backstage David Flair leaves Russo alone with the hostages. David attacks Candido. David is then himself attacked by Ric Flair. Did ANY of that make the least friggin' bit of sense? - Kimberly arrives at the arena, greeted by a bunch of phony reporters and photographers. In a taped piece they show Kimberly throwing away a bunch of Diamond Dallas Page's stuff. - Donny Osmond and Karl Malone are in the crowd. DDP and Bret Hart will be on Donny & Marie's talk show. I bet Malone, being DDP's best buddy, gets involved sometime before the night is over. - G.I. Bro hits the ring. Bro says he went back to this gimmick because it's who he was when he broke into the business. You don't suppose he's out there saying this because WCW was stung by the criticisms against the gimmick, and Russo wants it known that Booker T. himself thought it up? Booker throws out a challenge to Mike Awesome. G.I. BRO vs. MIKE AWESOME Awesome and Bro battle down the rampway. There, as he's about to Awesomebomb Bro, Awesome is attacked from behind by DDP. DDP and Bro then double chokeslam Awesome off the stage, through a (precut?) table waiting below. DDP then tosses Awesome into the back of his waiting ambulance, giving Bro the win. Stasiak and Palumbo are guarding Liz. A knock at the door lures Palumbo over to read a note on the floor. Turning his back to the door, he's taken completely by surprise when Kronic rush in. Liz sneaks in a cheap shot on Palumbo and escapes. Eric Bischoff, Kimberly, Kidman, Horace and Ernest Miller walk down the hallway. Hulk Hogan pulls up in his Dodge. He's followed by the Goldberg monster truck, and what looks like black Dodge Viper. We see Hogan's reaction, then it cuts to the two vehicles. In the three seconds we didn't see them Goldberg has exited from whichever of the two he drove, now standing between the two. He must have driven the Viper. Schiavone nearly suffers a stroke. - Ric Flair's searching for his family. - David has Miss Hancock. - Team Bischoff hits the ring. Eric talks about Hogan's match with Kidman at the PPV. Eric announces that the special guest referee they've been teasing for weeks will be ... Horace. Yay. Hogan comes out and calls Eric a piece of (*mute*). Cut to the outside, or rather the footage they taped before the show, of Goldberg walking towards the arena entrance. A handy commercial break assures his arrival will coincide with the start of RAW. HOUR TWO: - During the break Hogan cleared the ring. - KEVIN NASH vs. RICK STEINER/TANK ABBOTT No match to speak of. Abbott & Steiner quickly overpower Nash, whacking him with a pipe wrench. Here comes Goldberg, flooring Steiner with the Spear! Abbott basically sneaks out as Goldberg gives Steiner the Jackhammer. Goldberg grabs the mic and tells Abbott that next Monday, in Atlanta, "you're NEXT!" All three announcers oversell this as being one of the greatest moments in WCW history, when all we saw was Goldberg doing what he always does. It's great that he's back and all, but his actual return was just, you know, the same-old, same-old. Notable, but not noteworthy, if you get my meaning. Like Steve Austin at Backlash. He was there, and that was nice, but he didn't really DO anything. - Goldberg blows by Pamela and climbs in his Viper. Bischoff throws a major hissy fit over Goldberg being there. - Another look at Karl Malone. Oh yeah, he's running in sometime tonight for sure. - TERRY FUNK vs. VAMPIRO Funk didn't know who his opponent would be until after he cut a promo on Russo. The two fight on the ramp and stage. Vampiro has his pyro set off, in an attempt to fry Funk. Outside they go. Vampiro takes a lot of bumps for Funk, but at least Funk is giving some back to him, not like when he wrestles Hogan and Sting. Vampiro douses Funk with gas from a hose coming from the tanker truck. Sting appears to help out Funk. Vampiro tries to light a blowtorch, but is stopped by WCW security. No winner in the match. Flair's still looking for his family. Russo's guarding Beth & Reid. Shane Douglas enters and finds out he'll face Scott Steiner in the Asylum tonight. Douglas is upset, until reminded that the U.S. Title will be on the line. - More from the DDP home last week. DDP tries to get in his house, but two policemen prevent him from entering, citing a restraining order Kimberly has obtained. Yup .. and what do you want to bet DDP "violates" that by Kimberly being in the building, and gets arrested? Palumbo lets Kimberly and Mike Awesome know that Liz escaped. - Kimberly, Mike Awesome and Chuck Palumbo hit the ring. She calls out Liz, who rather stupidly does indeed come out. Palumbo and Awesome grabs her, holding her so Kimberly can slap her or something. Before that can happen, though, DDP runs in and clears house. Sure enough, out comes Eric Bischoff with two policemen, saying DDP violated the restraining order. DDP is being cuffed, at which point Palumbo actually lays out the cops and starts beating on Page. In comes Lex Luger, wearing a protective mask over his busted face. Luger takes care of Palumbo, then leaves with Liz. (I bet she's been kidnapped again on Thunder.) That leaves DDP and Mike Awesome, who starts pounding on him. Here comes Karl Malone to make the save, dropping Awesome with a Diamond Cutter. Is this the third or fourth time someone on Nitro has violated a restraining order and were arrested? As I've pointed out each past time, you can't be arrested under a restraining order just because you're within the prescribed distance, especially if the person who swore out the order acts in such a way as to force the other person to be within that radius. Most everywhere in that building would have been within 500 feet of her, meaning DDP was "in violation" the moment Kimberly entered the building. She's the one who violated the order, not he, and at worst he would have been asked by the police to leave the building, not just arrested. By the way, why are there policemen there bothering with a restraining order against DDP when Vince Russo has kidnapped a woman and small child, and Liz is also being held hostage against her will? We see Scott Steiner backstage. - Ric is still hunting for his family. - SCOTT STEINER (w/ Hooches) vs. SHANE DOUGLAS Punch, kick, bearhug, Steiner Recliner. Bad match, but hey--someone won a match cleanly! Sting is up next. Hulk Hogan has gone back to his old red and yellow. I think I know why. - BILLY KIDMAN (w/ Torrie Wilson) vs. STING For a brief, shining moment I thought they might let this match go. Instead Sting pretty much kills Kidman, only to be attacked by Vampiro as he's got on the Scorpion Leglock. Kidman gets the cheap, meaningless pin. Hogan comes out for the save, no-selling a chair shot from Bischoff. DING!-DING!-DING!-DING!-DING!-DING!-DING!-DING!-DING!-DING!-DING!-DING!!! Out of nowhere Ernest Miller kicks the chair into Hogan's face, knocking him down. Hogan's yellow shirt is ripped off and Vampiro and the others set it on fire in a garbage can. I knew Hogan was wearing the old togs for some reason. Kronic makes the save. - RIC FLAIR vs. JEFF JARRETT I'm afraid to watch this one, because I know exactly what's going to happen. David Flair is the referee. Flair's wearing wrestling gear for the first time in weeks. Vince Russo drags Flair's wife and kids to ringside so they can see Flair lose, and Flair can see them and be distracted into losing. Flair is busted open at some point. This is the only match so far tonight that's close to good. David gets knocked out by one of those Statues of Liberty which keep popping up from nowhere. Referee Charles Robinson comes out, but he gets knocked out by Russo. Russo, for his part, actually takes some shots from Flair during the course of the match. In the end, though, the interference proves to be way too much, and Jarrett pins Flair after a guitar shot, Russo donning the ref's shirt and making the three count. Jarrett is now a four-time WCW Heavyweight Champion. The fans immediately bury the ring under waves of thrown trash. Flair, down on the mat selling the shot, is nearly buried in the garbage. These are NOT fans who will want to come back next time WCW comes to this town. Beth & Reid are still being held hostage by Russo as the show ends. - This Wednesday: Nothing announced. - Next week: Goldberg vs. Tank Abbott. Comments: So let us review: * Kevin Nash gives up the title without having to do a job. * For the second straight week Ric Flair loses the title. and ... * Jeff Jarrett wins his fourth World title, cheating like a sumbitch. The World Title changed hands all of ten times in 1999. This year, just five months in, it's already changed hands THIRTEEN TIMES! Under Russo it's already changed hands nine times in eight weeks. By comparison the WWF Championship has changed hands three times. In 1999, eleven times (twelve counting Mick Foley's first win, which happened on December 31st, 1998, but aired a few days later). Vince Russo says the old days of lengthy title reigns are over, which I agree with, but what formula is Russo basing the frequency of these title changes on? We're on a pace here for this title to change hands somewhere between thirty and forty times this year!!! Goldberg's return was known on the Net beforehand. At the show his return was given away a few minutes before it actually took place, sacrificing surprise to tease a ratings pop. When his return came, it was totally by the numbers. As usual the idea is much better than the execution. This could have been a huge moment, but instead Russo, as usual, just went through the motions, claiming it's a great moment anyway. I always hate it when I'm told by the announcers I'm seeing something that's great, when it's clearly not. For someone so willing to take a cue from the WWF I'm surprised Russo didn't learn anything from the way they brought back the Undertaker last week. This was only marginally more exciting than Goldberg's last return, the night he appeared after Megadeth performed. How about that surprise referee? Did some kind of deal fall through? What happened to Miss Hancock? Just so I'm clear, I really AM glad Goldberg is back. For a company which is so high on doing surprises, I'm surprised this show came off as predictably as it did. Knowing Russo's style, and seeing it in action for the last two months in WCW, this whole show played out very predictably. They'd show you something and instantly you knew what was going to happen five ten, or one hundred minutes later. Like DDP getting arrested, Karl Malone coming in, and Jarrett recapturing the title. That said, I'm going to compliment this show on the way it played out. Predictable or not, for the first time in weeks there were a series of storylines which emerged at the start of the show and played out all the way to the end. The start of the show built to the finish, and for once the events crammed in the middle didn't seem so much like Russo's usual idea shotgun going off randomly. It wasn't perfect, but it was better than usual, and as such did a better job hyping the PPV, which is what all these storylines are leading to. Still, I can't give this show that much praise. The main event was watchable, but otherwise the wrestling this week was at its now-usual zero level. The upper level guys got good attention, but the lower guys were an afterthought. And there was some truly nonsensical stuff there at one point, as if everyone forgot for a while what they were supposed to do. I didn't have to see Tammy's ass this week, so that was another good thing. ... and no Mrs. Snodgrass. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WWF RAW is WAR: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Two Hours+. Location: Vancouver, British Columbia. Hosted By: Jim Ross & Jerry "The King" Lawler. WWF RAW: - The Undertaker comes out to the ring. Before he can speak, out comes the McMahon-Helmsley Faction. Triple H thanks the Undertaker for doing his work for him at Judgment Day. Words are exchanged, and the Faction is in the process of surrounding the Undertaker when out comes the Rock. Vince McMahon thinks the two are working together. The Rock rips into the bunch, making various anal-related observations. Vince says since the two have so much in common (the Rock and the Undertaker), the two can go ahead and wrestle each other tonight. Kid Rock asks the camera what it's looking at? Sidekick Joe C stands nearby. I don't hate Kid Rock, but I'm not really a fan either. - Joe C is wandering backstage and bumps into the Acolytes. Bradshaw asks him again if he sings any country songs. - DEAN MALENKO/THE GODFATHER/KAT (w. Ho's) vs. SATURN/D-LO BROWN/TERRI Mixed-tag match, with the women barely getting involved. Saturn pins Malenko following the elbow off the top. Edge & Christian have Kevin Kelly snap a Polaroid of them and Joe C. Their dialogue indicates that they think he's Mini Me from the Austin Powers sequel. - KURT ANGLE vs. EDDIE GUERRERO (w/ Chyna) Chyna's so hot, I'd snuggle up with her and drink herbal tea, while watching "Fried Green Tomatoes". Angle talks about Canada not having any heroes, and how he'll win the European Title and represent not only Europe, but all of North America as well. Nice match, which Eddie wins with a huracanrana into a pin after Chyna low-blowed Angle. Eddie and Chyna were way over. Edge & Christian tell Joe C that they've been clued in as to who he really is. They ask him if he's a midget? A dwarf? A gnome? Edge says he's maybe an Ewok. Joe C tells them that after their match, they can go (*bleep*) themselves. - Road Dogg's walking in the back when he hears a commotion behind a closed door. Checking it out, we hear someone kicking his ass. His carcass is tossed back out into the hallway. The cameraman suffers that WCW level of indifference toward who the attacker may be by not panning over to the still-open door. - EDGE/CHRISTIAN vs. TOO COOL Their flash photography pose this week sees them wearing hats and kneeling on shoes, in honor of "overrated midget rappers everywhere." The usual good match from these two teams, with the Worm by Scotty Too Hotty being allowed to hit this time. Then, while the ref is distracted, Joe C slides in and hits Christian in the nads with a hockey stick. Grandmaster Sexay covers for the pin. New Tag Team Champions! Too Cool, Rikishi Phatu and Joe C all dance afterwards. - Stephanie McMahon is in the process of saying something to father Vince when suddenly ... THE TAPE BACKS UP! It rewinds, then replays what she had just started to say. Then the lights go out and Vince is attacked by someone, a cut opened up during the attack. You don't see a flub that bad that often in the WWF. Ross should have quickly said it was taped during the commercial. - Ross says their satellite problems have been fixed. Nice try, but too late. WWF WAR ZONE: - RIKISHI PHATU vs. SHANE MCMAHON Triple H comes out to help, but wound up down in the corner, on the verge of receiving the stinkface. Shane nails Rikishi with a chair, drawing a DQ. This was a qualifying match for the King of the Ring tournament. Stephanie sets up a six man match between Chris Jericho, the Hardy Boyz, Val Venis and T & A. After she leaves the room Test calls her a bitch. This follows up the storyline on Sunday Night Heat where Stephanie asked T & A to take out Jericho (Test at that time disparaging her after she left, for leaving him at the altar), but the two failed when the Hardyz made the save. - VAL VENIS/T & A (w/ Trish Stratus) vs. CHRIS JERICHO/THE HARDY BOYZ This match is going along nicely when Trish interferes, knocking Jeff Hardy off the top. Albert then gives him a chokeslam, and Test covers for the pin. - Michael Cole gets comments from the Rock. - CHRIS BENOIT vs. HARDCORE HOLLY I thought this match might break from the trend of recent Benoit matches, but it doesn't, finishing up as all the others have lately with a chairshot. Holly tries to hit Benoit, but Jericho comes in and hits Holly with the chair, drawing a DQ loss for Benoit. Holly tries to nail both with the chair afterwards, but they both duck, and Benoit beats on Holly instead. Disappointing. - Kevin Kelly gets comments from the Undertaker. - McMahon and the Faction decide they haven't done enough to the Undertaker and the Rock yet tonight. - BULL BUCHANAN (w/ the Big Bossman) vs. STEVE BLACKMAN (w/ Al Snow) Why do these four, especially Bossman & Buchanan, keep ending up on the show so late? I'd rather have seen the time killed by this match divided up between all the matches above. Buchanan pins Blackman following the guillotine kick. Afterwards the Bossman comes in and hits both with the nightstick. - Chris Jericho comes out and introduces ... Kid Rock performs "American Badass". Not much play-by-play I can do, other than to note that Kid drops the F-Bomb, and the censor misses it by THAT MUCH. I think it was a legit miss, and not one of those accidentally on-purpose slips the WWF is famous for. Pat Patterson, getting coffee for McMahon, is pulled into a room and attacked by the mystery assailiant. - Edge & Christian have grabbed Joe C. They put him in a garbage can. Christian grabs a chair and smashes the can with it. He and Edge then pick the can up and toss it against the wall. - UNDERTAKER vs. THE ROCK Vince comes out before the match can start and asks which one of the two attacked he and D-X backstage? Neither will admit it, so Vince changes this to a "Lumberjack Match". Triple H leads the troops out to encircle the ring. The Undertaker removes his long coat, wearing a sleeveless leather shirt underneath. He and the Rock give each other a look, then go in opposite directions, attacking lumberjacks down on the floor! They hold their own for a while, but the numbers are too badly against them, and the usual McMahon-Helmsley Faction beatdown is underway. The crowd, who had been cheering for Austin to make the save, is now looking for anyone to come out and help. Through Hellfire and Brimstone--it's KANE! Kane rumbles to the ring and starts punching, kicking and chokeslamming. Triple H is the last to go for the ride, with Kane then hoisting Triple H's WWF Championship belt over his head. The Undertaker, Rock and Vince all give looks like things just suddenly got a whole lot more complicated. No winner in the match, of course. - This Thursday: Nothing announced. - Next week: Nothing announced. Comments: I'd rate this one as a bit better than last week's show, but not by much. The first hour, going head-to-head with Nitro, was actually fairly strong. Then hour two, where all the stuff that should have been really strong for the Canadian crowd, came off a bit flat. Kid Rock's performance was okay, and the stuff at the end was hot, but it meant the last actual match was nearly a half hour before the show was over. I also don't like them, hyping matches that don't take place. I wouldn't say Kane's return was a surprise at all, but it was easily as exciting as Goldberg's appearance, and Kane hasn't been gone nearly as long as Goldberg was! Seeing that brought home even more how big Goldberg's return could have been, but ultimately wasn't. Really embarrassing that tape goof-up they suffered. At least they tried to explain it, but the damage had already been done. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Bottom Line: Let me float a few ideas past you in regards to turning WCW around: The first thing I'd do is get rid of Bischoff and Russo. Not from the company, but from television. They serve no purpose other than to play Vince McMahon "Evil Boss" roles, and all the fans know it. It's not as if WCW hasn't had such a character, as they've been running with one from the time Bischoff joined the NWO until he burned out and left TV in 1999. We then had Russo as the "Powers That Be" late last year. WCW doesn't need an Evil Boss to bedevil the babyface, they need strong heels who wrestle. And it's not that the two don't really add anything to the product, they actually detract from it. WCW never explained why the two have the power they do, how much power they actually have, and why they're doing the things they're doing. Their very presence opens WCW storylines up to massive plot holes and lapses in logic. Like how when Booker T. was a minor annoyance they fired him, yet they can't handle Terry Funk. Why don't they just strip him of the Hardcore Title, like they did all the titles on the April 10th show, or just fire him outright? As a fan it doesn't make sense to be supportive of a promotion whose success is a benefit to those two. You have to give the fans a reason to overlook that basic contradiction. Vince McMahon has displayed the charisma and acting ability to do that with the WWF. Eric Bischoff, playing this role for three years now, hasn't--and Vince Russo doesn't look like he'll ever have it. It's better to remove them from the equation completely than to keep them in, exposing yourself to problems. Someday, if and when WCW turns itself around, that'll be the time to use one or both. For now, though, they're hurting more than they're helping. The next thing I'd do is institute a number of production changes, including new company logos, graphics, music, and announcers. WCW did a little of this, mostly cosmetic changes, but nothing enough to make anyone feel WCW was a new and improved company with the changes. Foremost in this category would be to remove Tony Schiavone completely from television. At this point WCW would be better off with a completely unskilled new announcer calling the action on Nitro than they are with Schiavone in that seat. It's not simply because he's burned out and doesn't have a flair for the job anymore, it's because his voice is THE voice of WCW ... the OLD WCW. Use Mike Tenay and someone new on Nitro, and Scott Hudson and Bobby Heenan on Thunder. Mark Madden should never have been added while WCW was so far down, so I'd remove him from television right now. Maybe if WCW improved he could be brought back (and perhaps Schiavone too for that matter), but right now his tired heel routine isn't adding anything to the product. Get rid of all existing factions. The Misfits in Action ... junk it. Split up the Filthy Animals. Forget about the New Blood and Millionaire's Club. And never utter the letters "N-W-O" ever again. I'd then focus on splitting up WCW into various division based on the titles. The Hardcore Title should be contested in brutal, bloody, SHORT matches. Play up the "no rules" aspect of the division and make it seem like the guy who wins a hardcore match is not just the winner, but the survivor. Don't treat it as comedy, as that undermines the impact of hardcore moves and spots when they show up in other supposedly serious matches. Terry Funk could have a lengthy, effective reign as Hardcore Champ if all his matches were short but violent. Make the Cruiserweight Division the home of WRESTLING. Leave the comedy and silly gimmicks out of it. No women allowed. Have the Artist dump Paisley and just go by the name Iaukea. Chris Candido (with Tammy) is okay. Use Crowbar, but don't let Daffney anywhere near the ring. Bring back Lash LeRoux, Rey Mysterio, Juventud Guerrera and the other remaining luchadores. Sign Mike Modest. Impose a three or four month ban on any Cruiserweight match having a run-in or screwy finish. Make this division the place where you'll see solid mat wrestling, or high-flying aerials. There's still room for all kinds of comedy, like Ralphus and Norman Smiley, just don't let them anywhere near the title belts. The United States Title would be the one most hotly contested by all those next-to-the-top guys, like Vampiro, Kidman, the Wall, Shane Douglas, etc. Bounce it around from feud to feud, adding a spark to those wrestlers and rivalries which seem to be getting over the most. Just imagine how much more interesting the Vampiro/Sting feud would have been if the U.S. Title had been involved. Then there's the World Title. My first order of business would be to take Jeff Jarrett, as World Champion, and remove him completely from TV for a few weeks. Get rid of the "Chosen One" moniker and give him a slightly new look (nothing drastic, just new tights, a new t-shirt, something like that). Get rid of the guitar. On his first night back have him cleanly beat someone like DDP. The next time he's on TV have him beat Sting. Put a couple of solid, clean victories under his belt. Build up his credibility so that when he is beaten by someone, like Goldberg, it actually means something. Right now Jarrett is a guy who can't win without massive amounts of outside interference. He's also a guy who's lost the title several times in mundane matches. Goldberg chasing him for the belt won't generate nearly the interest it could if everyone believes he could blow Jarrett away ten seconds into their first match. There's still all kinds of room for Vince Russo to do his surprises, his swerves, his comedy skits, his turns and such without messing up what I've outlined above. If anything there may even be more freedom to do them because his hands aren't tied by the necessity of run-ins and DQ's to keep the New Blood and Millionaire's Club story going. He can still have Smiley & Ralphus selling Amway. Miss Hancock can still come out and dance during matches. He can still do those Lex Luger/Chuck Palumbo/Liz triangles. What's really hurting WCW right now is the way all their feuds are tied in together through the New Blood storyline. If one part of it suffers, it all suffers. The things that actually seem to be working in WCW right now is the stuff the most removed from the New Blood. Tying it all together is a crutch, and a detriment because you have to keep including that connection in all the storylines. It's too easy to end a match by having the other New Blood members run in, yet when that doesn't happen, the fans have to ask why? Why didn't such-and-such come out to help so-and-so? It's like the finish in the "Iron Man Match" in the WWF. Some were disappointed when all the run-ins took place at the end. Yet, had those not happened, everyone would have questioned why they didn't. This is all stuff Bischoff & Russo should have done from the start. WCW was on rocky ground when they came in, and while they did change the company's direction somewhat, they're still treading on that same rocky ground. They'd probably have been better off to set a more level, basic tone for the "new" WCW. Then, when the bleeding had stopped and things actually looked good for WCW, they could have then introduced some of the wilder elements. The two even said they were going to do a lot of this, but looking back at their first two months it's pretty clear that they've done nothing but try to hotshot themselves back into ratings competition, with very little in the way of a longterm plan thought out. Bischoff & Russo would probably argue that's because they didn't have Goldberg, and weren't sure when he'd be coming back. If that's the case, then isn't that an even bigger reason to not have made such a mess of things prior to bringing him back? Not many of their "experimental" ideas have been met with critical acclaim, and there still aren't many signs that their current direction will bear them the fruit of success. Had they gone a more traditional route, and had that failed, at least they'd have then known their only chance was to go for broke. But they went all out to start, and while it may have energized many of the fans they still have, there aren't many signs that it'll last, nor that they'll be able to bring other fans back. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Slobberknocker Central" and "Monday Night Recap" are copyright 2000 by John Petrie, and all opinions expressed therein are his own, and not those of "USLink". Check the "Slobberknocker Central" main page for info on how to receive the "Recap" free via E-Mail every week. Volume One, Number 237 of the "Monday Night Recap", May 29th, 2000.