Slobberknocker Central Monday Night Recap #235 May 15th, 2000 The Opening Word: I pretty much said my piece about WCW last week. With nothing new coming up on that front, and nothing much worth talking about in the WWF, might just as well get onto the shows ... ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WCW Monday Nitro: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Two Hours+. Location: Biloxi, Mississippi. Hosted By: Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson & Mark Madden. HOUR ONE: - A video package covering the Sting/Vampiro feud is shown. TNT was actually running ads over the weekend hyping tonight's first match. The only time I can remember them doing that is the special ads they've run for the various Spring Breakout shows. I can't remember them ever just hyping a single match (though admittedly I don't watch a lot of TNT). - STING vs. VAMPIRO Sting starts the match on the roof of the "House of Pain" cage. Using a baseball bat he bashes in a panel, then swings down and kicks Vampiro. From there the two trade punches and kicks for the next five minutes. Scott Hudson says Vampiro is Sting's most hated foe, which is plain stupid to anyone who's actually watched WCW longer then the last two months. Mark Madden then tops Hudson by saying what a brutally violent match this has been, when all the guys have done is regular wrestling moves. He adds "there's more hate in this ring than there's ever been anywhere," or something like that. Sting, meanwhile, gives Vampiro a clothesline. I've seen Tank Abbott knock-outs that were more "brutally violent" than this entire match. Out of nowhere Sting handcuffs Vampiro to the wall of the cage, winning the match. He throws in a couple of splashes against the cage wall, and a few kicks while hanging off the broken cage roof ... then walks out. Some "House of Pain" match. Vampiro isn't even busted open! Then, as if the match itself hadn't been lame enough, the cage starts to rise with Vampiro still cuffed to the side. Vamp scrambles up the ropes to keep from, well, dying. The camera quickly cuts away, and the lights go out, so Vampiro (or someone else) can undo the handcuffs. They focus on Sting for a bit, then cut back to the cage when the lights come back on. Vampiro's vanished! Schiavone acts like this is the spookiest thing ever aired on WCW television. What a crock. I shudder to think the message WCW will take away from this when they see the high rating it'll no doubt draw. Hyping the match is all the hard work--actually delivering an interesting match doesn't matter. Kronic Adams, just arriving outside, is attacked by Shane Douglas. The Goldberg monster truck is spotted in the background and Hudson has an orgasm. - Hugh Morrus, who now has a name they can't even say on TV ("Captain Hugh G. Rection"), gives the other Misfits in Action new names. Weren't these guys fired? Lash LeRoux is now "Corporal Cajun". Van Hammer is now "Major Stash". Chavo Guerrero is "Lieutenant Loco". Chavo says a line from "stripes", while Hammer makes a pot joke. As if this wasn't all silly enough, they bring in a blonde bimbo with big boobs named "Major Guns". They're all wearing "F.U.B.A.R." t-shirts, which is funny since I brought that up a few weeks ago ("F**ked Up Beyond All Recognition"). I take that back--there was nothing funny about this bit. Seriously, if these guys are on the outs with Russo, then why are they even in the building, much less being filmed at all? Shouldn't Russo be chewing out the director for showing this? Ah, but this is wrestling, says Bischoff, and we're not supposed to pay attention to the details: big, small or otherwise. - Adams & Clark of Kronic are out, calling out Shane Douglas. Douglas comes out, mentions something about Buff Bagwell being suspended (for punching a WCW crew member legit last week), and says he'll take them on if the Tag Titles are on the line. Shane's partner will be the Wall. Hey, weren't they in the Revolution together, then the Wall turned on Douglas (or vice versa)? Aww, whatever ... KRONIC vs. SHANE DOUGLAS/THE WALL This is for the Tag Team Titles, the belts of which Kronic are in possession of, but Douglas & Bagwell are still officially champions (this after Shane & Buff stole the belts back last Monday on Nitro, only to see them mysteriously returned to Kronic on Thunder). Douglas just wanders off during this match, leaving Kronic to kill the Wall. They put him through the announce table, then pin him, officially winning the Tag Titles. (I actually had to go to the WCW website Tuesday morning just to get this all sorted out.) EMT's check on the Wall after the match. He comes to, snaps, and put one through a table--the fourth broken during this segment. Disco Inferno tells Eric Bischoff he doesn't want to be with the Mamalukes anymore, and asks if he can go be with his friends. Bischoff brushes him off. Terry Funk then comes in, escorted by the Cat, and once again refuses to give up the Hardcore Title. Why doesn't Bischoff just fire him? The Cat attacks, and we end the scene with Eric telling Kimberly ... where she can ... buy a trailer house ... in Las Vegas? I must have heard that wrong. - Norman Smiley and Ralphus, defying logic and convention, have somehow followed WCW to its current show location. These two unemployed drifters are out in the parking lot looking for food. Forget the minor details (their cleanliness and new clothes), why are these guys here, and why is WCW filming them if they've been fired? Are they living in one of the equipment trucks? Angles like these are inspired by the countless goofy angles done in your smaller promotions over the years. The problem is that they work because, for the most part, those promotions run shows at the same building each week. When you try to do them on a larger scale you have to take into account that these shows are taking place in different cities each week, usually in different states. It kills the believability, and even the comic value, when you refuse to acknowledge that it's next to impossible for these guys to show up at the show every week. That's not nitpicking a minor detail, it's a critical flaw in the entire angle. WCW could address this problem but, well, Ralphus is fat and has few teeth, so that's supposed to be funny, and is the extent of thought which goes into these skits. They could have Ralphus & Norman abducted by aliens, and it would be no less improbable a skit. A shot of the Goldberg monster truck gives Schiavone another chance to shamelessly suggest Goldberg could be arriving ANY MINUTE NOW! - TERRY FUNK vs. THE FILTHY ANIMALS The only thing of note here, besides the Animals getting an elaborate entrance and Konnan doing his spiel on the mic, is that Juventud Guerrera is back to imitating the Rock. First he does his "Finally ..." line, then drops the People's Elbow on Funk. Rey Mysterio, who as far as I know still does not have a doctor's clearance to wrestle, does a big legdrop while holding a chair off the top. Funk's been destroyed, but no one's in a hurry to pin him. That's good, because here comes the Misfits in Action. Chavo does an awesome running shoulderblock off the ramp, over the top rope, into the ring. Disco Inferno comes out to help the Animals, meaning these were the "friends" he was talking to Bischoff about. Booker T. then comes out to swing things back in the favor of the misfits. Booker dumps Juvi on his face, and Funk is put on top of him for the pin. Major Guns then comes out, rips off her shirt, and gives Funk mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Nice sleaze, but everything else here was a mess. Ric Flair is here and--THE GOLDBERG MONSTER TRUCK! GOLDBERG MAY WALK INTO THIS BUILDING ANY SECOND NOW!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO NOT CHANGE THE CHANNEL!!! - Norman & Ralphus, drooling over a popcorn cart, talk the vendor into giving them a job. - Flair demands to know where Russo is. Bischoff plays dumb. After Flair leaves he sends Ernest Miller off to warn Russo. - CHRIS CANDIDO/TAMMY SYTCH vs. CROWBAR/DAFFNEY Tammy's wearing a see-through top. This is a tag match, and if Crowbar or Daffney get the pin, they will win the Cruiserweight Title. Some ugly action in this match, which shudders to a halt at one point when Miss Hancock comes out to dance for Tony Schiavone. You heard me. Tammy and Daffney do some terrible offense, including a Bronco Buster by Daffney which makes Mae Young look agile by comparison. Tammy hits Daffney with a Stone Cold Stunner. Daffney no-sells it, and immediately rolls Tammy up for the pin. Crowbar is announced as the new champion, but Daffney puts the belt on herself. As long as I was at the WCW website to check out the Tag Title situation, I checked on this too. According to WCW, the two are co-holders of the title. Marvelous. At least we've gotten a lot more action than usual this week. Here comes Ric Flair. He punks out Crowbar, then calls out Russo. Backstage we see Russo ordering a technician to play a tape on his cue. - Flair is still in the ring. As he's talking they cut to a shot of Sting walking to his rental car, which is mysteriously in flames. Madden says it's the work of a "VamPYROmaniac". Flair gives a "whoo!" and continues. Cue the video, which shows Vince Russo, David Flair and Daffney at Ric Flair's home. David points out the limo his stepmother uses to buy groceries. He's never ridden in it. In the den they belittle David's stepmother, her daughter, and son Reid, who Ric apparently always calls "Champ". David says he can never live up to the Champ. The go up to Flair's room. Russo lays on the bed--"Space Mountain". Out on the balcony David points out the swimming pool he isn't allowed in. They rummage through Flair's closet, Russo stealing one of Flair's wrestling robes. In Reid's room they mock his many athletic trophies. Russo steals some medals. They then go to an unfinished basement room, where David points to a blanket and pillow on the floor, which is where he's spent the last 21 years. On their way out David gets in a shouting match with his stepmother Beth, who has just returned home with Reid and Ashley. I liked this, though I'm still annoyed that it's all about Russo getting to play out his personal fantasies, and not pushing the wrestlers in the company. HOUR TWO: Flair is livid that Russo invaded his home, and calls him out again. Instead David & Daffney come out. Daffney has the two belts they took from Ric last week, as well as her Cruiserweight Title. Ric can't believe what he saw David do to Arn Anderson on Thunder last week. David says the usual about living in Ric's shadow and all that, setting up their match at the Great American Bash. If Flair loses, he'll retire. Out of nowhere Jeff Jarrett comes in and smashes a guitar over Flair's head. Why does Russo get a cool video of him invading Flair's house, while the wrestlers get stuck with the same old lines of dialogue and the usual run-ins? Backstage Russo orders the busted cage be fixed. Of all the overlooked details thus far on the show, they remember to take care of THAT one? - The House of Pain is coming back down. Russo leads Elizabeth and "The Main Event" Chuck Palumbo to the ring. Russo says Liz will get some "tough love" tonight, by facing Madusa in the House of Pain. Russo, Liz & Madusa are locked in the cage, the door guarded by Palumbo. Madusa menaces Liz. Suddenly the guy who Russo sent to fix the cage roof drops through the hole. It's Lex Luger, and he puts Madusa in the Torture Rack. Russo kicks Lex in the nuts. Lex, no-selling the shot, turns around and pulls out a protective cup (another Russo favorite in the WWF). Liz grabs the cup and rubs it in Vince's face. In comes security, and they Mace Lex and stomp him into the mat. Out comes Kevin Nash. Everyone scatters. Here comes Mike Awesome. Those two go at it, with Nash ending the segment by challenging Awesome to an "Ambulance Match" later tonight. Mean Gene Okerlund gets comments from Scott Steiner. How do *I* know WCW crammed too much into a segment? When I have to condense it like I did above just to get through recapping it. - Norman & Ralphus are selling popcorn. This is about as entertaining as "Janitor" Jim Duggan. - Scott Steiner is outside brawling with Rick Steiner Tank Abbott. In the background we see the Goldberg monster truck crushing cars at random. Just how much of my brain am I supposed to shut off to enjoy this? It seems, with WCW, the percentage is going up every week. I'd say it's up to 80% by now. (Wrestling in general only requires one to shut off about 25% of your brain to enjoy.) Oh yeah, Kevin Nash is shown backing an ambulance into the building. - KEVIN NASH vs. MIKE AWESOME Ugh, what did Nash ever do to convince ANYONE he was a good wrestler? Why are the old guys so protective of their spots? Because of matches like this, where Mike Awesome looked ten times better than Nash. Nash can't powerbomb Awesome by himself, so Diamond Dallas Page comes out to help Nash put him through a table. He and Nash then walk out. Remember that this was an "Ambulance Match"? The ref says Awesome can't continue, so Nash wins. Hulk Hogan has arrived. - Norman & Ralphus go for a popcorn refill, but since Ralphus just had his hand down his crack, the popcorn guy fires them. The two will now buy planes tickets, rent a car, hide in a WCW truck, or hitchhike to the next arena so we can enjoy more of their comedy hijinks. - Eric Bischoff comes out with Kimberly to rag on DDP. DDP runs out and get into it with Ernest Miller. Kimberly hits DDP with a chair. Here comes Sid Vicious! Oops, he turns on DDP by chokeslamming him. I suppose SOMEONE had to turn heel this week. Hulk Hogan runs in for the save. Bischoff closes out the bit with comments aimed at Hogan which made no sense (not even the announcers knew what he was talking about). - Bischoff is backstage with Billy Kidman and Horace Hogan(!) Bischoff tells Horace not to screw their plan up. Okay, so either Horace has turned on Hogan, or he's pretending to have turned, and will turn on Eric. Either way, do we need another turn tonight after already turning Sid a MINUTE after they brought him back? - HULK HOGAN vs. BILLY KIDMAN vs. HORACE HOGAN Horace spends most of the match just standing around as Hogan kills Kidman. Horace eventually hits Kidman, then pushes Bischoff off the ramp. Out come the Filthy Animals. Horace helps the Hulk fend them off, until Torrie Wilson gives him a signal. "Suddenly" (as in the sun "suddenly" comes up each and every morning), Horace turns on Hogan. Well, at least they told us it was coming. Horace hits him with a chair and covers for the pin. I'll let you all deal with the fact that Horace is now a member of the New Blood, and is in a program with his uncle Hulk Hogan. - Kidman isn't too happy that Horace is now with Torrie. Bischoff tries to calm him down. - RIC FLAIR vs. JEFF JARRETT Not much to note here other than the finish, which sees Flair roll Jarrett up completely out of nowhere and score the pin, winning the WCW World Heavyweight Title. Huh? Err--umm, yeah. Flair gets beaten on by Jarrett, David and Russo afterwards, until Kevin Nash makes the save. Nash powerbombs Jarrett, breaking the ring where Jarrett hits (gimmicked, of course). Nash hands the belt to Flair. Bischoff, meanwhile, is one the phone with someone talking about a meeting. He tells Shane Douglas that he'll be in charge at Thunder, as he and Russo will be off at this meeting. Goldberg? Ultimate Warrior? - This Wednesday: Nothing announced. - Next week: Nitro is on an hour earlier because of the NBA playoffs. Comments: Last week Vince Russo accused Vince McMahon of panicking by bringing Steve Austin back for Backlash and Mick Foley back at WrestleMania. (Do I even need to mention that Austin and Foley each came back for two appearances, none of which competed with WCW shows head-to-head?) Okay, so if McMahon is panicked, then what do you call Vince Russo, who this week on his show shamelessly promised Goldberg all night then didn't deliver, had two wrestlers undergo "surprise" heel turns, and changed three of his titles, including the World Heavyweight Title, in a match they only announced an hour earlier? Once again WCW's "master plan" rears its ugly head again, with another World Title change cooked up just hours before the show goes on the air. Speaking of which, how many months now does it make it that WCW changed their World Title on TV a week or two before the PPV? Maybe titles are just props, but they're valuable props. They're part of what makes you care about a wrestler. When the titles become worthless (as most titles in wrestling have become), they add nothing to the value of the man (or woman) that holds them. Ric Flair being a "15 time World Champion" only means something because 13 or so of the previous 14 title reigns took place at a time when the titles still meant something. Jeff Jarrett, the man who lost it, is now a former two-time champion (probably soon to be a three-time champion if and when he wins it back from Flair before the PPV), and still has yet to earn any credibility as a champion or main event guy. He loses the belt at the drop of a hat, and can only win it back with outside help. It's been hard enough for Jarrett to gain credibility, what with everyone knowing he was just keeping the belt warm until Goldberg comes back. To lose the belt twice before being faced with such a serious challenge, that just shoots Jarrett's credibility all to hell. If you're thinking to yourself what that means to the average fan, it means Jarrett will never gain the ability to be a legitimate audience draw, and guys who can't draw are eventually pushed out of the spotlight. For all of Jarrett's hard work, there will come a point where WCW will look at him as a failure, and will blame him for it rather than themselves. That's what hotshotting is. WCW damaged Jarrett's credibility just to pull off a meaningless title switch that no one expected. Flair getting the title one more time wasn't a nod to his legacy or a reward for being a "team player", it was a stunt to trick the fans. And before anyone even gets a chance to get excited about it, Flair will lose it back to Jarrett, or to Shane Douglas, or Tank Abbott, or god knows who. The way this title win came about, and the reasons behind it, are an indication of the overall state of WCW right now, and it's why I haven't jumped on board as a fan of the new booking regime. It doesn't take any great creativity to think up pointless surprises to keep the fans guessing. That's what so much of WCW is about now. How many titles have changed hands this year? And not just titles changes--there's nothing wrong with that--but titles changes done out of the blue regardless of the ongoing storylines? How many heel changes have there been, just in the last month? Both of the last two WCW PPV's ended with "surprise" heel turns, and that was after the WWF already ended this year's WrestleMania with a surprise, tradition-breaking heel turn. And it's not just that they're heel turns--there is, again, nothing wrong with them--it's just that they're all of two varieties: left field turns that make no sense, or turns committed by returning superstars. Last week it was Rick Steiner. This week it was Sid. A few weeks ago it was Bret Hart. It happens so often now that anytime someone comes back from an absence, and they're portrayed as babyfaces, the fans expect them to turn heel. That's why the WWF surprised everyone at Backlash when Steve Austin DIDN'T turn heel. It just bothers me that so little thought seems to be going into WCW's product. Vince Russo has a lot of ideas, some of them pretty good, but the guy has no sense of timing, proportion, no patience, and doesn't believe the fans have any patience either. People thought Russo was looking ahead when Ric Flair earned a World Title shot at the next PPV. That lasted all of a week, when Russo changed the storyline and shifted Flair into a feud with his son David. Then, just hours before this week's show went on the air, Russo decides to give Flair the title. At Thunder, or maybe next week, Flair will lose the belt, and will go on to lose to David at the PPV so he can "retire" and get surgery done to correct a recently diagnosed injury. All that "build" for a storyline which will, by necessity, come to a screeching halt next week. Maybe WCW reaches a set goal and maybe not, storyline changes aside. The question is, is all this unpredictability good for the company? Not when it hurts careers, like it's done with Jarrett. Not when you unnecessarily confuse or anger the fans. Not when the wrestlers themselves start to lose confidence in their ability to advance up the ladder. Why work hard when your story, character or matches can and do get changed spontaneously at the whim of the bookers? All WCW has going for it now is this unpredictability, which in itself is predictable because the unpredictable road is chosen far too often. Fans are kept guessing to the point of absurdity. Nothing else in the company is working. All of Russo's new characters are jokes. (That's NOT an opinion here--Russo's characters ARE jokes: "Hugh G. Rection", "Major Stash", etc.) Few of the storylines and angles make sense. Not just in the minor details, mind you, but in huge gaping ways, they make little sense. And filling in the cracks between it all are the matches, the last thing WCW thinks about because there is literally no one behind the scenes in WCW left who knows how to book matches. Russo and others just think up the storylines. The matches are squeezed in at the last minute to further those stories. Being unpredictable is something that's supposed to enhance the show, not become the whole show itself. WCW's banking their whole success on just that. And in the short term it will probably work. The ratings will go up a bit, as well as buyrates and live attendance and such. How long will it last though? WCW gave David Arquette the title and fans responded by not tuning in for the next show. They didn't buy it, and they made WCW pay. It can happen again if and when WCW does another title change, or some "big surprise", which the fans don't buy. At what point will many "surprise" heel and face turns crammed into a short amount of time be too many? How soon until the surprises become so commonplace that a true shock, like ... say, the return of the Ultimate Warrior, has no meaning because the fans have been numbed and shellshocked? WCW will settle down eventually, either because they will realize they need to offer a more substantial product, or because they will run out of ideas. Vince Russo left the WWF, in part, because he said he ran out of ideas there. Now he's in WCW, mostly rehashing those ideas he already did in the WWF. Or ones he's seen before in WCW, or the WWF before he was there. What happens to WCW in a year or two when Russo burns out again, and he leaves the company a shambles behind him? I have yet to see any one move taken by WCW which assures they'll have a strong product a year from now. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WWF RAW is WAR: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Two Hours+. Location: Cleveland, Ohio. Hosted By: Jim Ross & Jerry "The King" Lawler. WWF RAW: - Relax everyone ... the Rock is in the building this week. - H ... B ... K ... the "Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels is back! Shawn introduces himself to those new fans who've come along in the year since his retirement. He reminds us that he's the commissioner of the WWF, a position which he hasn't devoted too much time or attention to. He says there've been things that he should have punished people for, but didn't, because of his wrestling academy, his wrestling promotion in Texas, his wife and new baby son have all been higher priorities for him. Shawn announces that he's stepping down as WWF commissioner. He takes the blame for the McMahon-Helmsley getting the start it did, showing a clip on the Titan-Tron of his last WWF appearance, on SmackDown!, during which he stopped a People's Elbow with a Superkick, preventing the Rock from beating Triple H. Continuity! Out comes Vince McMahon, grinning from ear to ear. Vince says that's some great footage, and tries to schmooze with Shawn. Shawn cools Vince off by saying he was actually invited tonight by Linda McMahon, and has two announcements to make. The first is that his new role in the WWF is as their official spokesperson. He then says he'll be the special referee in the "Iron Man Match" this Sunday on PPV. Shawn says he isn't afraid of that kind of match, since he's the only guy in the WWF now who's done it (and won). Vince, upset by this turn of events, questions whether Shawn has that resiliency he once had, and if he's up to the task. Shawn smirks, then shoves Vince to the mat! Vince's head cracks on the canvas, and he gives Shawn an evil look as the Heartbreak Kid exits up the ramp. - During the break, Shawn climbed into his limo and exited the building. As that's happening the D-X limo pulls up. Road Dogg: "Is that Shawn? Shawn Michaels? It looked like him!" The Big Show, meanwhile, is looking for Shane McMahon. - THE DUDLEY BOYZ vs. AL SNOW/STEVE BLACKMAN The tensions are still there between Blackman & Snow because Snow is still crazy as a loon. Road Dogg, X-Pac & Tori come out to watch the match. A notable spot in the match sees Snow drop D-Von Dudley face-first on the ramp. The wheels come off the cart, so to speak, during a crossover move involving all four men. They flub it, and everyone looks a bit lost (even Ross points it out). The Dudleyz quickly put the match out of its misery by giving Snow the 3D. Road Dogg & X-Pac attack after the bell. Buh-Buh Ray Dudley is set up on a table on the floor, and Tori puts him through it with a splash off the top! Sweet. - Buh-Buh's in a confused trance after what Tori did to him. D-Von promises this Sunday will be her Judgment Day. - KURT ANGLE vs. RIKISHI PHATU Before the match Stephanie McMahon gives Kurt Angle a lengthy intro, during which she reminds us of the stinkface she nearly received from Rikishi last Thursday. Stephanie tries to hug Kurt as he comes out, but he opts for a handshake instead. Angle wonders if the stinkface is an acceptable form of greeting in Samoa ... or Cleveland? Pat Patterson, Edge & Christian come out right away to look on. When Rikishi goes for the stinkface, they all run in and attack, giving Rikishi the DQ win. Too Cool show up as well, and after the heels have been sent packing, they do the dance. The Big Show is still looking for Shane McMahon. - THE GODFATHER (w/ Ho's) vs. CRASH HOLLY Lawler points out the Ho in pink, who looks familiar. Sure enough, after a run-in by D-Lo (who gets into it with the Godfather), the Ho covers Crash for the pin, winning the Hardcore Title. Seconds later Crash hooks her for the roll-up, winning the title back. The Ho is none other than Bobcat, who parlayed an appearance on a WWF/MTV special into a job with Lawler's Memphis Championship Wrestling. The McMahon-Helmsley Regime is on the move. The Big Show is still looking for Shane McMahon. - The D-X/Run DMC video will be on MTV following RAW. - Triple H, Vince & Stephanie come out. The Rock comes out. The usual verbal exchange follows. Total PPV hype interview. "His" Judgment Day? And is that Kid Rock's music they've added to the PPV promo? WWF WAR ZONE: - CHRIS JERICHO vs. HARDCORE HOLLY This is a Hardcore Match, meaning we get a lot of action on the floor, foreign objects, etc. Chris Benoit runs in and puts Jericho in a choke (no DQ), then sends him in for a Holly chairshot. Hardcore gets the pin. A limo pulls up. Big Show attacks ... Blackjack Mulligan? Or is that Blackjack Lanza? It's one of those old guys like Patterson, Brisco and Tony Garea who we always see backstage. What was he doing in a limo? - Shane makes fun of the Big Show. He then talks about the "pussy!" chant. He's a pussy alright--a quick, ferocious jungle cat. He calls himself "Simba Shane", which starts Lawler on an endless "Simba" kick. Shane will face Big Show at the PPV in a No DQ match. Big Show comes out and says he'll end some of Shane's nine lives at the PPV. Shane fires back by announcing Big Show has a match tonight. A handicap match ... THE BIG SHOW vs. T & A (w/ Trish Stratus & Gerald Brisco) T & A get in some doubleteam moves, but the match is mostly all the Big Show. Test comes in with a chair and Big Show punches it, smashing it into Test's face. (Hope his nose doesn't break again.) He then dumps Albert on his tailbone, and is about to powerbomb him when Trish comes in. He grabs Trish, but Brisco serves himself up instead, defending her womanly rights, or whatever. Brisco goes for the ride. Shane then lays in a chairshot, which the Show no-sells. DQ win for the Big Show, who chases Shane up the ramp, catches him, and throws him against the WWF.com logo at the bottom of the Titan-Tron. - EDDIE GUERRERO/CHYNA vs. PERRY SATURN/DEAN MALENKO That was funny last Thursday when Chyna knocked out Saturn with a bunch of flowers and Michael Cole, on commentary, tried to explain what looked to be a lame attack by saying the flowers were in a glass vase, when they were clearly just wrapped in plastic. Turns out there was a metal bar in the flowers, explaining the knockout, but Cole didn't know that, so not only was his explanation unnecessary, but made him look stupid as well. I must be in the minority in thinking Chyna's held her own in her matches with these guys. Someone like an Essa Rios might make for better matches, but hers have been pretty good regardless. Here her involvement is slight, so the other three get in a lot of good stuff. The finish sees one of those double cross-corner whips set up, but Chyna gets turned around. Eddie is sent in at her. Thinking Eddie's just tossed Saturn at her instead, Chyna does a mule kick, which catches Eddie in the googlies. Saturn follows it up with a suplex and scores the pin. Chyna doesn't realize her mistake until it's all over. During the match Lawler keeps asking Ross if he has an update on "Simba's" condition. Michael Cole breaks up an Edge & Christian fan-gouging discussion to ask why they put the Tag Titles up in a three-way match tonight? The two promise a new pose for the fans in Cleveland. - EDGE/CHRISTIAN vs. THE HARDY BOYZ vs. THE ACOLYTES Their pose is an imitation of a Cleveland Indians relief pitcher who gives up a home run. It's funny to note as they pose, for five seconds, there are quite a few camera flashes going off! The match itself seems rushed, with Edge scoring a pin on Matt hardy. Christian gets left behind with both title belts, seems concerned, then goes with the flow when he realizes he's on TV. Christian has blossomed under this new gimmick of theirs. He's becoming one of my favorite guys in the federation. Michael Cole interviews Chris Benoit. - THE ROCK vs. CHRIS BENOIT The is a "Submission Match", the idea being that the Rock knows no submission holds, so he'll be easy prey for Benoit. Late in the match the Rock slaps on a butt-ugly Figure Four. Stephanie distracts the ref, and Triple H goes in to pull Benoit over the ropes. The hold broken, Benoit then slaps on the Crippler Crossface. Vince McMahon, revisiting the "Montreal Screwjob" yet again, calls for the bell. The Rock takes a beating, but rallies back enough that Vince decides to split. He's stopped on the ramp, though, by Chris Jericho. It's now a four-way, which gets busted up by Road Dogg & X-Pac. Out come the Dudleyz with a table to even the odds. It comes down to the Rock and Triple H alone in the ring, with the Rock giving him the Rock Bottom through the table. - This Thursday: Nothing announced. - Next week: Nothing announced. Comments: Good, not great, show this week. Shawn Michaels returning gave it a big feel, but everything else on the show was the typical stuff you get just before the PPV. I enjoyed the show as it was on, but found myself forgetting most of it minutes after it was over. Here is the lineup for Judgment Day: * The Rock vs. Triple H. "Iron Man Match" for the WWF Championship. Shawn Michaels is the special guest referee. * Chris Benoit vs. Chris Jericho. "Submission Match" for the Intercontinental Title. * Eddie Guerrero vs. Dean Malenko vs. Perry Saturn. European Title Match. * The Big Show vs. Shane McMahon. * The Dudley Boyz vs. X-Pac & Road Dogg. "Tables Match." * Edge & Christian & Kurt Angle vs. Too Cool & Rikishi Phatu. I think there's supposed to be one more match, but the undercard has to be limited to accommodate that 60 minute main event. Expect a ton of interference in that "Iron Man Match" this Sunday. There's just no way the Rock and Triple H can carry off a 60 minute without a lot of padding to fill the time. When Shawn Michaels and Bret Hart went 60-plus minutes at WrestleMania XII they employed a lot of rest hold, and outside the ring spots, to keep the match going. Neither the Rock nor Triple H have the wrestling ability Shawn & Bret did, so they'll need even more help. Shawn will obviously play some kind of role in the finish, probably preventing Vince from ringing the bell a la the "Montreal Screwjob". The WWF is teasing that Shawn will side with Triple H, which probably means he won't (the same as Austin at Backlash). If Shawn does side with Triple H it would make sense, it just wouldn't be very popular with the fans. I think there's also a good chance the Undertaker will get involved in the finish of that match. The promotional material for the PPV hints at an Undertaker return, most notably in the ones appearing on TV. It's "his" Judgment Day (whoever the mean by that), and the whole setting of those promos suggest the Undertaker. Or Mick Foley. Or Kane. MTV and the WWF had their timing mixed up. On RAW they hyped the D-X video as airing at 11:15 PM Eastern. It actually aired at about 11:10 PM, meaning it was over before the WWF said it would start. A lot of people ended up missing it. It was okay, I guess. Not really much different than the video they were already using for D-X's entrance. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Bottom Line: A few random thoughts to close out this week ... How truly great IS Ric Flair anyway? Take away his angle and Nitro was a total disaster this week. Do that angle with anyone other than Flair--someone without his ability, presence and experience, and it wouldn't have worked as well. And what does it say about the man that he wrestled Jeff Jarrett, with one bad arm, and had easily the best match of the show, and one of the best matches in WCW since Bischoff & Russo came back? I find I'm not all that excited he won the World Title again (what is it now ... 20 times when you count them all, WCW, NWA & WWF?) because that title just doesn't mean anything. What does excite me is that Ric Flair was given the ball and, for one night anyway, he proved to WCW that he was still The Man, even though Eric Bischoff has tried for two years to hold him down, and Vince Russo the same for his five months in power. Jumbo Tsuruta died this past weekend in the Philippines at the age of 49, bleeding to death following a kidney transplant. Tsuruta was one of the biggest wrestling stars ever in Japan. It's worth checking out some of the websites out there who have biographical details on Tsuruta's life, because the man was one of the true legends of the business. Buff Bagwell was arrested last week after the Thunder taping, for punching a WCW crew member in the neck. Bagwell's version of the story is that the guy pissed him off, so he slugged him. The crew member says he was just trying to get past Bagwell while carrying some equipment. Bagwell was arrested, got out on bond, and this week charges were officially filed against him. As if that wasn't bad enough for Bagwell, the various big wrestling news sites are reporting that Bagwell apparently took part in taping an amateur video back during the Nitro Spring Breakout. In the video Bagwell takes part in the type of activity you often see young people engage in during spring break. The story will be appearing in one of the tabloids soon, which won't stand too well with Bagwell's Time Warner bosses. Bagwell has been suspended by WCW for 30 days, and things could get worse if that second story gets too big. David Arquette will reportedly be giving his WCW salary to various wrestling-related charities. I may not have cared much for his participation in WCW, but I've got to credit him for being a pretty decent guy in real life. Man, I'm late with this one. That's enough for this week. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Slobberknocker Central" and "Monday Night Recap" are copyright 2000 by John Petrie, and all opinions expressed therein are his own, and not those of "USLink". Check the "Slobberknocker Central" main page for info on how to receive the "Recap" free via E-Mail every week. Volume One, Number 235 of the "Monday Night Recap", May 15th, 2000.