Slobberknocker Central Monday Night Recap #224 February 28th, 2000 The Opening Word: I sat down at work to watch No Way Out Sunday. I can't get PPV at home (no digital cable, and I had cancelled my satellite service before moving to the new house). I had watched the Royal Rumble at work and everything went fine. I taped Sunday Night Heat, then flipped over to the PPV channel. I punched "OK" on the remote to buy No Way Out. "Purchase," yes, "Confirm," yes ... Nothing happened. A phone number popped up, telling me to call my cable company. The next morning I found out that the phone line the digital cable receiver had been hooked to had been cut earlier in the week during some remodeling work done in the office. So I missed Cactus Jack's retirement match. Life stinks. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WCW Monday Nitro: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Two Hours+. Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota. Hosted By: Tony Schiavone & Mark Madden. HOUR ONE: - Massive clips package hyping Tank Abbott, Vampiro getting "the rub" (*snort*) from Ric Flair, and other recent shenanigans. Tonight ... Tank Abbott vs. Sid for the World Title. WHY?! Moral of the story: use a knife on your PPV opponent and earn a title shot. Sid and Tank Abbott are shown arriving earlier in the day. Jeff Jarrett, with the Harris Brothers, has a few words for Mike Tenay. "Slapnutz" count: one. - Lane & Idol give Miss Hancock the brush-off. Ewww, she's trying to act! - THE MAMALUKES (w/ Disco Inferno) vs. LANE/IDOL Disco insists they be called "The Paisans." Miss Hancock comes out to show off her gams. Mark Madden tells Disco to shut up, playing off that awesome(*) WCW Live feud these two have going, heard by dozens of fans every week on the Internet. Hancock's music starts to play, so she lets down her hair and dances. ASS CHEEKS! What match? The Mamalukes win, then invite Hancock into the ring to dance. The Harris Brothers then attack. H-Bombs all around! By my count they crammed seventeen angles into that match. [*=sarcasm] Kid Cam catches Buff Bagwell hitting on Elizabeth. Ah ... plot twist. This time the Kid Cam shot is actually pretaped. Lex Luger and Ric Flair watch the clip with Liz, Liz having ratted Buff out. Why does Buff keep hitting on women backstage when 1) they all say no, and 2) he keeps getting caught on video? Doesn't his clueless insistence actually make him the heel here? Bam Bam Bigelow picks Sid to beat Tank. I wonder who'll be the saps who have to, with a straight face, pick Abbott to beat Sid? - Riki Rachtman?! Nitro Party?!! Does this company never learn?!!! - Hulk Hogan growls a promo straight out of 1987. Jimmy Hart, on his deathbed at the hands of Flair & Luger, asked Hogan to face Flair in a "Yappapai(?) Indian Strap Match." Oh for the love of-- - "Mean" Gene Okerlund is out to interview Ric Flair, Lex Luger & Liz. ZERO pop for Flair in Minneapolis, his hometown. That is so sad. Things are on cruise control until Luger starts badmouthing Minnesota. Curt Hennig comes out to stand up for my rights! So-so pop for Hennig, which gets bigger as he works the crowd babyface style. Hennig challenges Flair, saying if he can't beat him he'll streak "butt-ass naked" down Hennepin Avenue next Monday. Mike Tenay interviews Booker. He's got heat with Billy Kidman because of the tag team match they lost last week. Kidman tells Torrie that they have to find his Kid Cam. - Madden: "I just want to say--" cut to an ad. Nitro Girls. Madden gripes because Tony's on his cell phone. Tony announces that Sting is in the building. Who's calling Tony? Wouldn't they just tell him over the headset he wears? - Jeff Jarrett is mad because he has to face Vampiro tonight. "Slapnutz" count is up to two. - BOOKER vs. BILLY KIDMAN (w/ Torrie Wilson) Harris Brothers. H-Bombs. F**k off, WCW. - "Mean" Gene interviews Harlem Heat. Cassius is making funny faces this week, so he doesn't look so much like the Rock. Lash LeRoux picks Sid to beat Abbott. - A video clip shows some event involving a weightlifter with 28 inch biceps. GRATUITOUS ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER FOOTAGE! Arnold checks out the guy's arms. More on this guy on Thunder, I guess. WCW must have signed him. - Norman Smiley says he took offense to what Dustin Rhodes did to Terry Funk. Smiley's wearing a Randy Moss jersey. - 3 Count does their thing. WCW Magazine poster boy Brian Knobs comes out for no reason. Evan Karagias challenges him to a handicap match for the Hardcore Title. BRIAN KNOBS vs. 3 COUNT Some plunder action leads to 3 Count covering for the pin. New Hardcore Champion(s). And people complained when Chris Jericho and Chyna shared the Intercontinental Title! Vampiro cuts a Raven-esque promo. There's Dustin Rhodes. Some (planted) fans chant Sid's name. - Knobs complains about losing the title. Fit Finlay tries to calm him down, saying they'll have a third partner in a six-man match against 3 Count on Thunder. - NORMAN SMILEY vs. DUSTIN RHODES Near-squash. Pin. Security has to come out to keep Dustin from doing more damage. There's Jeff Jarrett. "Slapnutz" count stays at two. "What about me? What about Vampiro?!" Referee Nick Patrick is the dope tapped to predict a win for Abbott versus Sid. Nick says he looks hungry. NOT WITH THAT GUT HE DON'T! HOUR TWO: - JEFF JARRETT vs. VAMPIRO Yeah, like I'm skipping RAW to watch this. And knowing the finish, I didn't bother to watch it on the replay either--not even for the purposes of this Recap. Hate me if you must. The Harris Brothers and Sid run in, and Jarrett eventually gets the pin. It's tough to swallow the hype the announcers give for Vampiro when he's won maybe two matches this year. The Mamalukes have a package for the Harris Brothers. - More "Spring Breakout" crap with Riki Rachtman. - Hey Vampiro fans, you missed Fit Finlay kicking Vamp's ass during the commercial. The same thing happened last Wednesday on Thunder. Vampiro loses to Flair, loses to Jarrett, but hey--at least he'll get a win over Finlay! Maybe. - David Flair dances with some Nitro Girls, until Daffney comes out and chases them off. - DAVID FLAIR (w/ Daffney) vs. PRINCE IAUKEA (w/ Paisley) WCW can't make me call Iaukea by his stupid name, so I won't. Crowbar does that color commentary thing of his. Like "slapnutz" and Norman Smiley's Big Wiggle, a couple of fans in WCW's chat room thought this was funny, so WCW has decided to do it over and over and over. Easy win for Iaukea. Daffney and Paisley get into a catfight, so Madden feels it's appropriate to steal a line from Joey Styles. Sid Vicious lies unconscious amongst the remains of a Jeff Jarrett guitar. EMT's do what they can to revive him. SAVE THE BRAIN! - The Mamalukes package is delivered to the Harris Boys: a dead fish. It's a Sicilian thing, methinks. - Sid's been ordered by doctors not to exert himself. - ERNEST "THE CAT" MILLER vs. THE MAESTRO (w/ Symphony) Before the match Miller goes back to being a heel, belittling the fans. The Maestro gets the win when he knocks out Miller with a boombox. Don't ask. There's Curt Hennig. And Ric Flair. And Lex Luger & Liz. Kidman picks Abbott over Sid. - RIC FLAIR vs. CURT HENNIG The usual Flair match, squeezed into about three minutes. Luger comes in for some unnecessary interference. Flair pins Hennig after a low kick. This show is depressing. Nitro Party. - LEX LUGER (w/ Liz) vs. BUFF BAGWELL Watching Luger wrestle is like watching a man walk underwater in one of those suits with the helmet and airhose. Ric Flair runs in, causing the DQ. Sting makes the save, drawing the only good pop of the night. Nobel laureate Meng says he can't pick a winner--he just wants to see Sid and Tank go at it. That Meng is a legit tough guy, so you know everyone in the back respects his opinion. Sid ... Tank ... NEXT! - TANK ABBOTT vs. SID VICIOUS The show's starting to run over. Sid has his ribs taped. Tank takes control of the match, punching Sid in the ribs and talking trash. Sid's body sells the punches, but his expression remains unchanged. Tank stands on Sid's back and pulls his hair. The announcers call that a bar fight move. Yeah, lots of stand-on-back/hairpull combos in bar fights. Speaking of bars, there's a big "Nice Beer Gut Tank" sign in the crowd. Suddenly Sid shakes off all the pain and slaps on what could laughably be called a Crippler Crossface. Sid briefly loses his grasp and Tank kindly holds his head up for Sid to grab hold again. Tank taps out. THANK GOD IT'S OVER!!! - This Wednesday: Nothing announced. - Next week: Nothing announced. Comments: This show was almost a parody of the shows WCW used to deliver back in 1997. It looked mostly the same. Everything was just dumber, older, and made no sense. On the plus side they do seem to be focusing on *some* of the younger talent. Vampiro's getting a push, sort of, as are Booker and Kidman. Prince Iaukea is getting a huge push. Ernest Miller, with friend Eric Bischoff gone, is back and getting a push again. The Harris Brothers are getting a huge push. Tank Abbott, though, I think just had his career pushed off a cliff. I haven't been a fan of Abbott, and WCW has failed to give me (or anyone) any reason to be one. Just look at some of the guys he's beat in "matches": Jerry Flynn, the Barbarian, Al Greene, Villano IV, Mike Jones and Big Al. Not exactly a killer winning streak there. So he gets a match against some real competition, a World Title shot out of nowhere, and loses to Sid. He didn't just lose, mind you, he GAVE UP. How are we supposed to view this loss? Tank tried to go too far too fast? He's vulnerable to even the shittiest wrestler-applied submission hold? He's finally proven himself to be the pudgy, talentless slob he looks like? There's two ways to put guys over: by what they do and by what you say about them. With WCW being in the shape they're in today, squashing guys in the ring but putting them over in the commentary won't cut it. I doubt the average WCW fan pays much attention anymore to what the announcers actually say. The company has been too awful for too long for them to do that. Just think of all the guys the company has hyped over the past few years as being great, yet it's still the same no-talent lugs on top, with all those hyped guys still buried below (those who are still with the company, that is). The Demon is a good example of that. There's a guy who the announcers claim is great, yet he has yet to win a match on Nitro, Thunder or PPV. How long are the fans supposed to sit back and swallow the unceasing hype? I think you have to be pretty sympathetic to and interested in the product to buy that kind of hype over and over. The WWF has that in its own fans right now. WCW doesn't. If WCW is serious about pushing some of these guys they have to push them and push them hard. Iaukea is getting a solid push. So are the Harris Boys. Push anyone hard enough and they stand a chance of getting over. (It can also turns fans off, like the WWF did when they first pushed Rocky Maivia.) If someone is already over, though, a big push is more likely to succeed than fail. Kidman, Vampiro, Booker and some others have already been over in the past. They still have loyal followings now. Why give big pushes to guys who aren't over, and why go the subtle route with guys who are? Your odds of failing with all of them increase greatly. I don't know whose bright idea it was to book a Tank/Sid match, but once you do such a match, you almost have to have Tank win. Maybe he doesn't win the title (it's certainly not what I would do), but at least give him the win in a convincing fashion. Sid, even as World Champ, isn't very over, and he isn't going to get more over beating Tank. And Tank, losing in the fashion he did, comes off looking really bad. WCW made it even worse by "injuring" Sid earlier in the show. Tank couldn't finish off an already injured opponent! The only way anyone comes away with a positive impression of Abbott is if you bought the announcers' commentary about what a tough guy he is. I didn't, and I doubt many others did either. This wasn't only a bad show, it was one that makes you feel bad about WCW's chances of improving. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WWF RAW is WAR: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Two Hours+. Location: New York, New York. Hosted By: Jim Ross & Jerry "The King" Lawler. WWF RAW: - Triple H and Stephanie McMahon come out to a chorus of boo's. Helmsley isn't exactly basking in the glow of his victory over Cactus Jack. Far from it, he seems to be regretful over what he did to Mick Foley. He starts to give Foley his due. Stephanie doesn't understand his attitude. Triple H says it's a guy thing. Cue a video package highlighting memorable moments in Mick Foley's career. We see Dude Love and Mr. Socko and--DEGENERATION X! Every embarrassing moment of Mick Foley's WWF career is shown, including lots of shots of his butt. Is that a skidmark? Steph and Triple H laugh as the crowd screams for their blood. Here comes Shane McMahon and the Big Show. Shane gives Triple H the brush-off and addresses his comments to Stephanie. He says he's been waiting for the right time to return and the right man to back. The Rock isn't that man. Shane says he's picking the Big Show to be the one he'll take to the top. Cue the Rock. He congratulates the four in the ring for being the biggest assholes he's ever seen (the bleep missing "asshole" by THAT MUCH). The Rock says he'll be in the WrestleMania main event if he has anything to do with it. Triple H tells him to beat it, that this was a discussion between his camp and Shane McMahon's. He says the Rock losing at No Way Out drops him all the way back to the bottom of the ladder. (Does that mean he'll have to wrestle Kane?) Triple H says the Rock gets a match tonight against local wrestling legend Steve "Brooklyn Brawler" Lombardi. The Game does an imitation of the Rock, returning the favor of the Rock's imitation of Triple H last week. Shane closes out the segment by telling the Rock he has No Chance in Hell of headlining WrestleMania. Backstage, the Hardy Boyz challenge the Acolytes to a match. The Acolytes don't take them seriously, until the Hardyz turn over their poker table. - THE HARDY BOYZ vs. THE ACOLYTES The Acolytes kick the hell out of them, with Matt & Jeff pulling every trick out of their book to stay alive. A reversed whip allows Jeff to tag Matt in. Matt takes Bradshaw out with the Twist of Fate. Hardyz win! Kurt Angle is in the back with a Madison Square Garden employee. He's killing the guy with some boring statistical trivia about which of his title belts weigh more. - Angle has thrown out an open challenge. Who should answer it but-- KURT ANGLE vs. RIKISHI PHATU Very quickly Rikishi gets Angle set up for the butt to the face. Angle rolls out, grabs his belt, and walks up the ramp, earning a countout. Angle grabs the stick and says the fans didn't come here to see that. Chris Jericho and Chyna disagree. Jericho says Angle is a huge ass himself, and tosses Angle back in to get some more. Rikishi Driver, followed by the Banzai Butt Drop. Here come the Radicals. I'm not sure why, but anything that gets Jericho in the ring with those guys is okay with me. Too Cool come out as well, with the faces winding up triumphant in the ring. Rikishi is set to leave, but is stopped by Too Cool, because it's *that* time. Jericho and Chyna try to slip out, but they are stopped as well. Extra pairs of sunglasses are produced, and we all know the strange power they hold over people. Cue the music, and all five go into the dance routine, bringing the house down! Funny stuff. - Michael Cole tries to get comments from Jericho, but they're interrupted by the Radicals. Pencil in a tag match later tonight. - HEAD CHEESE vs. EDGE/CHRISTIAN Terri Runnels is out to do color commentary and raise Lawler's temperature. Some okay stuff in this match, with the finish seeing Christian drop-kicking a distracted Steve Blackman (Terri puts on a big cheese wedge hat) into a spear from Edge. Edge & Christian still don't know what to make of Terri. The Rock is next. - THE ROCK vs. THE BROOKLYN BRAWLER Total squash, which is the way it should be. The Rock then gets on the mic and calls out the McMahon-Helmsley-McMahon-Big Show Era. The Rock wants a piece of Triple H. Shane says there's no way he'll let that happen. The Rock says if WrestleMania is headlined by Triple H and the Big Show, it'll "absolutely suck!" The heels huddle, and Stephanie rashly offers the Rock a three-way match against Big Show and Triple H. If he pins either, he gets the shot at WrestleMania. Shane is upset at this, mostly because he'd see his old man make the same mistake so many times with Steve Austin. WrestleMania Magazine promo. "The Visionary Genius of Vince McMahon"? WWF WAR ZONE: - CHRIS JERICHO (w/ Chyna) vs. PERRY SATURN (w/ Dean Malenko) I'd let Chyna shoot my bazooka. Sweet match here. Jericho does the double-clutch powerbomb. Later he goes into the ropes, but Malenko pulls them down, so Jericho takes a big tumble to the floor. Malenko decks Chyna when she interjects herself! The tables are turned, though, when Chyna gives Malenko a low blow. Jericho then puts Saturn away with the Lionsault. In the back, Billy Gunn has been informed that X-Pac will be replacing him as Road Dogg's partner. Gunn thinks he can still go, even though his arm was injured by the Dudley Boyz at the PPV. Triple H enters the scene, wanting to know what Gunn is bitching about. Gunn makes the ill-advised remark that he's still twice the wrestler Triple H is, even with a bad arm. Oh, is that so--BAM! Gunn is unceremoniously turfed out of D-X. A torn rotator cuff will keep Gunn out of action for a few months. Look for a big feud with Helmsley when he returns. - MARK HENRY (w/ Mae Young) vs. CRASH HOLLY This is for the Hardcore Title, which Holly won last Thursday. Henry's got this match easily won when Mae decides she wants to get in on the action. She gives Holly a splash, then comes up holding her stomach. The match is forgotten as EMT's flood the ring. The Fabulous Moolah, Pat Patterson and Jerry Brisco are out as well. Everyone is concerned about Mae's baby, of course. Is the end of this angle drawing near? - Mae's gone into labor! HERE COMES THE GIANT SUB! I can tell we're in for a serious roadtrip to Hell this week folks. - CHRIS BENOIT vs. TAZZ This is just starting to get good when the Big Bossman and Prince Albert run in causing a DQ. The match finishes are really stinking up the show tonight. (Both shows, actually.) Yup, Comedy Hell continues. The EMT checking out Mae's love canal is skeptical that she's pregnant, much less even capable of bearing children. When asked, Mae says she hasn't had a period since 1957. Pat & Jerry sneak a peek at her private parts. - The baby's coming now, only about ... oh, SEVEN MONTHS too early. Cue various bodily noises, as well as what sounds like someone rubbing a balloon. The moment arrives, and the EMT produces ... goo? What the f**k is that? A rubber hand? Patterson serves up the punchline: "Let's all give her a HAND!" Yeah, and the joke is on all of us who had to watch this. Isn't there a joke like this where the punchline is something like "okay, but where's the rest of the midget?" WCW may be the company that exemplifies CRAP right now, but the WWF has always had their own unique patent on the occasional shitty angle. Damned if this this one wasn't Chucky/Robocop/Gobbledeygooker/White Castle of Doom bad. - THE DUDLEY BOYZ vs. ROAD DOGG/X-PAC My heart's not really into it anymore. The match ends when Kane comes out to attack X-Pac. Road Dogg and the Dudleyz wind up eating chokeslams as X-Pac runs away. - Big Show and Triple H agree the Rock is the common foe tonight. - Mick Foley Tribute Video, for real this time. Excellent video, though a bit hard to enjoy given the way this show has gone down. - TRIPLE H/BIG SHOW (w/ Shane McMahon) vs. THE ROCK Ross tells Lawler to kiss his ass when he makes one disparaging comment too many about Mick Foley. The story here is that the Rock has to score a pinfall. Any other finish and he blows his chance to main event WrestleMania. Triple H and the Big Show dominate, with the Rock occasionally getting in bursts of offense. The tide turns his way when he clotheslines Big Show out of the ring. He then puts Triple H down with the Rock Bottom, followed by the People's Elbow. He covers for the pin, only to have Shane come in and break up the count. The ref calls for the bell, giving the Rock the DQ win. It's no pinfall, though, so the Rock fails to earn the titleshot. Triple H and Big Show lay him out post-match. - This Thursday: Nothing announced. - Next week: Nothing announced. Comments: Taking just the first hour into account the show was shaping up fine. That second hour, though, was as bad as any bad hour the WWF (or WCW for that matter) has delivered in the last several months. The string of non-finishes dropped what could have been a good show down a few notches. Then came that Mae Young thing. Nothing that came afterwards made up for it. I'm truly mystified at their booking of Tazz. I know they're going for the slow build because, frankly, there just isn't any spot for him right now higher on the card. In WCW this would be a terrible storyline. The WWF has some leeway in that no matter how hard they keep Tazz down, fans are still going to be interested in him. For now. Too much longer and they'll lose interest. There's no way they can stretch this one out until WrestleMania. Tazz needs to go over them, and quickly. Didn't the show already seem to be missing something with the absence of Foley? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Bottom Line: What can I say about the career of Mick Foley that hasn't already been said? Certainly we'll see him again, no later than WrestleMania, but his days as an active, full-time wrestler are over. I'm just glad he was able to go out the way he wanted, hopefully early enough so that he can heal up and enjoy some quality of life in his remaining years. Were it in my power to thank him for what he's given to the world of pro-wrestling I would. Thanks for the memories, Mick. Have a nice day. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Slobberknocker Central" and "Monday Night Recap" are copyright 2000 by John Petrie, and all opinions expressed therein are his own, and not those of "USLink". Check the "Slobberknocker Central" main page for info on how to receive the "Recap" free via E-Mail every week. Volume One, Number 224 of the "Monday Night Recap", February 28th, 2000.