Slobberknocker Central Monday Night Recap #223 February 21st, 2000 The Opening Word: WCW is a company not afraid to suck. It's clear looking over their gameplan of the last few weeks that they've decided no matter what their problems or shortcomings are, they're going to pick and choose certain storylines and stick with them. They've certainly been consistent in that regard. Nothing they're doing lately is working, but WCW must figure if they stay the course, things will turn around. Or at least the fans will get tired of complaining about them. Stop the bleeding, I guess, and hope the ratings don't drop too low before Goldberg comes back. SuperBrawl is receiving poor reviews. Seriously, I have yet to see anything close to a positive review for the PPV. The best anyone has said, and this is actually a common sentiment, is that the show didn't suck as much as they thought it would. Chalk up a victory for WCW! Prince Iaukea won the Cruiserweight Title? Why? Because he's tight with the bookers. Brian Knobs won the Hardcore Title. Why? Because he's tight with Hulk Hogan. Speaking of whom, he beat Lex Luger in standard "Hulk Up-Big Boot-Legdrop of Doom" fashion. Ric Flair beat Terry Funk in their "Death Match." Has Funk even won a match since coming back to WCW? (Oh yeah, he beat the Demon on Thunder once.) Sid Vicious beat Scott Hall and Jeff Jarrett, in a match which saw forty-eight ref bumps and the unanticipated (and unwanted) return of "Rowdy" Roddy Piper. The rest of the PPV is hardly worth mention, except maybe for Tank Abbott nearly killing that guy with a knife. The big news coming out of the show was a neck injury of some sort Scott Hall suffered during the main event. He lay in the ring, after the cameras went off, for nearly 30 minutes, as EMT's attended to him. You hate to doubt the validity of any injury, but given Scott Hall's status with the company, this one is drawing skepticism from all over the place. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WCW Monday Nitro: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Two Hours+. Location: Sacramento, California. Hosted By: Tony Schiavone & Mark Madden. HOUR ONE: - A series of video clips give form to the SuperBrawl results I had only read about. I think they use actual clips this time instead of still photos because there's absolutely no way you could show photos and hype this PPV replay as anything approaching exciting--not that the clips get the job done either. - Jeff Jarrett and the Harris Brothers arrive. - "Mean" Gene Okerlund is out to interview Hulk Hogan, but Lex Luger and Elizabeth come out instead. Luger says Hogan sucks. Out comes Hogan to say he doesn't suck. He challenges him to a cage match, said cage conveniently hanging over the ring. Mindless babble from Schiavone and Madden allows the ring to clear. Here comes Jeff Jarrett. He's Commissioner again. Why, when, how ... who knows, who cares. He's gotten a rematch against Sid, signed by previous Commissioner Kevin Nash. Why, when, how ... Sid Vicious arrives. Someone has stolen Billy Kidman's Kid Cam. - In an angle "inspired" by WWF Sunday Night Heat, Madusa gets all upset when she sees tonight's matches written down on a board backstage. - BILLY KIDMAN (w/ Torrie) vs. LASH LEROUX The match is barely underway when the Harris Brothers pull a Sid and attack the two competitors. They're sending a message, or something. Here's an idea: why not combine this and the previous Jarrett interview? These guys start to wrestle, the Harris Boys break it up, then Jarrett cuts his promo. Vampiro is backstage. - The pilfered Kid Cam spies upon Buff Bagwell putting the moves on Symphony. She turns him down. Can you say ... "GTV?" - VAMPIRO vs. FIT FINLAY There's a funny bit here where Vampiro chops Finlay. Finlay then unzips his shirt and dares Vampiro to chop him again. Vampiro does, and Finlay gives a wounded yelp, and zips his shirt back up! Vampiro wins with a rollup. Finlay lays in a beatings afterwards. The Maestro has attacked Buff, because of what he tried to pull on Symphony earlier. Madusa cozies up to La Parka. LA PARKA?! Trying to suck up to the WrestleLine fans? - Nitro Girls. - "Mean" Gene interviews Booker. - Booker comes out to wrestle Disco Inferno. Disco says Booker was supposed to wrestle Big Vito instead. Disco offers Booker a handicap match against both Mamalukes. The Mamlukes attack, and a minute or so later the ref calls for the bell. Was that a match? Now, for the icing on the cake, the Harris Boys come out and beat them all up. "Mean" Gene gets comments from Terry Funk and Dustin Rhodes. Sid talks to himself. - Plug for Diamond Dallas Page's book. I heard DDP on Meltzer's radio show last week. Man, is that guy living in his own fantasy world or what? - "Mean" Gene interviews J. Biggs and the New Harlem Heat. I'll assume I'm wrong in thinking that new guy, standing there posing, is made up to look an awful lot like the Rock. They say his name is "Cassius." Will he be changing it to "Muhammed?" Big T looks absolutely ferocious in his fluffy pink jammies. - TAFKA PRINCE IAUKEA (w/ Paisley) vs. "LA PARKA" Oklahoma comes out first, tipping off that this next segment is going to be embarrasingly bad and involve Madusa. Sure enough, "La Parka" comes out, now about 150 pounds lighter and sporting a humongous pair of breasts. Oklahoma enters the ring and unmasks her. Whatever she's supposed to do, she can't, because she's trying too hard not to laugh. At least someone is enjoying this. The real La Parka comes in and hits Oklahoma with a chair. Hey Ed, is that a hair piece?! Iaukea then hits La Parka with the chair and covers for the pin. One can't help but notice the ABSOLUTELY DEAD crowd. Shots of people backstage close out this abyssmal hour. HOUR TWO: - We join a Ric Flair rant in progress, then cut away before he and Lex Luger are finished speaking. Whatever. - TERRY FUNK/DUSTIN RHODES vs. THE HARRIS BROTHERS (w/ Jeff Jarrett) All last week WCW telegraphed that they were going to turn Dustin on Funk. Most people were surprised when he didn't at the PPV. I myself had a theory regarding the Four Horsemen, which I'll get to below, which involved Dustin turning on Funk. I laid it out to my brother BEFORE Nitro started. So we watched this show, waiting for Dustin to turn. RAW was on by now, so we didn't watch much of this match. We did get a good laugh, though, upon flipping back at one point and seeing Dustin lay into Funk. I don't know if this validates my theory, or just proves how transparent most of WCW's booking is. Anyway, it takes Dustin five minutes or so to turn on him, as they stretch the match out with an appearance by Sid at ringside, and Jarrett clubbing some hapless WCW guy over the head with a guitar. Funk tags in Dustin and the kid turns on him. Madden makes a total ass of himself overselling this as a shocking surprise and "the greatest thing I've ever seen!" Six thousand people in the building and Madden's the only one acting excited. What a trooper. Is anyone else's picture all messed up during this match? TNT goes all fuzzy during this match, and it lasts for several minutes. "Mean" Gene chats with Buff Bagwell. - Funk is almost loaded in an ambulance when Dustin attacks him again, then he drives the ambulance off. OH HELL YEAH! - Sid comes out to babble. I swear, it feels like there hasn't been a single match on this show yet. Officials have to keep Booker and Kidman away from the Harris Boys. I smell a Thunder tag team match. Bagwell prances down a hallway. - Flair gives his stamp of approval to what Dustin did. - Did I mention that James Brown was at SuperBrawl? Still photos remind us. - BUFF BAGWELL vs. THE MAESTRO (w/ Symphony) Lord, shoot me now. My brother thinks the Maestro looks like a Cabbage Patch Kid. HAH! Ernest Miller comes out, distracting the 'Stro long enough for Buff to hit the Blockbuster and the pin. Afterwards Miller plays Maestro's new theme music, a rap song. The Maestro goes nuts and attacks the ref. What garbage. I'm starting to feel hostile, I notice, as we see that piece of crap the Wall backstage. Sid, apparently chasing Jarrett, but looking more like he's running away, makes his getawy in a limo. Sid's sure moved up from the days when he kept getting his cars crushed in that feud against Goldberg. - Nitro Girls & DJ Ran. Ugh. - Get this: last Saturday "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan became the new Television Champion when he fished the title belt out of the garbage in the Powers That Be's office. (I guess we're supposed to forget the their office was actually just a set, made of four portable walls WCW lugged from arena to arena.) Duggan was challenged by Robert Gibson of the Rock & Roll Express. After defeating him in ugly fashion, Duggan was then challenged by Steven Regal. They'll fight this coming Saturday, and if Regal loses, he has to retire. (I thought I already heard that WCW fired Regal.) That Saturday Night show is like its own parallel universe or something. - BAM BAM BIGELOW vs. THE WALL Chokeslam. Pin. The Wall is just like Goldberg, except he's really fat and has no charisma ... or wrestling skill ... or ring presence ... Hogan makes his cancerous presence felt, banging his "broken" arm against a fence and muttering Lex Luger's name. - Ric Flair delievers marching orders to Arn Anderson and David Flair, but it looks like neither one are buying them. Is David not insane anymore? - Hogan does THE SAME DAMNED INTERVIEW HE ALWAYS DOES. No wonder Kevin Nash hates WCW's catering. It's just a table covered with popcorn! Flair and Luger come across Jimmy Hart at the popcorn table and pound the crap out of him. They drag him out to the ring. - LEX LUGER (w/ Ric Flair) vs. HULK HOGAN Hogan scraps with Luger and Flair before Flair and Jimmy Hart are led away by security. Once in the cage Hogan and Luger go through the same match they've both done for the last fifteen years. A couple hours later Flair runs in. He and Luger beat on Hogan. Security Chief Doug Dellinger tries to make the save, but Luger "breaks" his arm with a chair. Completely out of steam, the show limps to a pathetic end. I guess Sting's return at the PPV was for one night only. So where the hell is Kevin Nash? And why didn't Jarrett wrestle tonight? - This Wednesday: Nothing announced. - Next week: Nothing announced. Comments: Man, that show stank. WCW has obviously noticed the pops Hogan is getting and have decided to hand him the title of Saviour of WCW. They're building to a Sid/Jarrett rematch. I'm betting Jarrett actually wins the title, only to lose it to Hogan afterwards. We could also see Flair beat Sid for the belt, only to drop it to Hogan soon thereafter. With Goldberg, Bret Hart and Sting in no hurry to come back, the company has to be built around Sid and Hogan. With those two as the top babyfaces, you know Hogan is somehow going to come away with the belt. That makes Jarrett and Flair the top heels, and between those two, you know ... Did they even mention Scott Hall's injury? The NWO is all but dead. Jarrett wore his "slapnuts" shirt this week, while the Harris Boys had plain black t-shirts. Since Hart probably won't come back as NWO, Hall & Nash are out of the group, and Scott Steiner may not come back at all, we're down to these three. You wouldn't even know they were NWO this week if it weren't for the NWO logo during their entrance video, the NWO music, and the logo on Jarrett's guitar (which I'm sure is part of a big batch already made up). For the second time the NWO has died out on its own, denying the babyfaces in WCW the chance to properly dispose of it. You might as well consider it dead, except that WCW will keep mentioning it, just to sell a few t-shirts. So I'm looking at what could possibly fill the void of the NWO, and I notice the alliance between Flair & Luger. With Jarrett about to be demoted from his spot as top heel, maybe they could lump him in with Flair. Throw in Dustin Rhodes (which they pretty much did with this show), and you have the makings of a pretty decent Four Horsemen! Of course they probably won't actually call them Horsemen. I seem to recall Flair saying something like he'd never allow another Four Horsemen team, after WCW botched it so badly the last time. Still, you have the team there, and everyone will make the connection, you just don't have to officially call them the Horsemen. I'm not crazy about dredging up the Four Horsemen again, but you have to admit, even though it would suck, it would at least be interesting. Of course you have Hogan, Sid and Funk on the other side facing them. Throw in Piper or Sting or Dusty Rhodes or whoever, and there's your four-on-four feud. Again, it's not great, but at least it has the potential to be an interesting storyline. Then Goldberg comes back and kicks all their asses. I thought Schiavone said Roddy Piper would be on to explain his actions at the PPV? Did they fire Tank Abbott? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WWF RAW is WAR: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Two Hours+. Location: Atlanta, Georgia. Hosted By: Jim Ross & Jerry "The King" Lawler. WWF RAW: - Clips from SmackDown! - The "DX Express" has arrived. Various D-X members disembark. Triple H tells the driver to keep the bus running. New theme music for D-X this week. Monster crowd in the Georgia Dome, just shy of 30,000. Stephanie & Triple H rile up the crowd. Suddenly the Rock is out. He reels off an imitation of Triple H which, while not dead-on, gets the point across well enough to be funny. Triple H responds by belittling the Rock's catchphrases and flashy shirt. D-X outnumbers the Rock for to one. Not if Cactus Jack has any say in matters. He tells a story about being picked up by a truck driver last Thursday after D-X dumped him in the middle of nowhere. (I wonder if it was the guy that picked up Ric Flair?) He promises to come off the top of the Hell in the Cell cage at No Way Out onto Triple H. And now Kane is out to make his presence felt. The three charge D-X in the ring. Cue another pyro blast, and out comes the Big Show to throw the balance of power definitely in the heels' favor. The Rock, Cactus and Kane are left laying. Pencil in a six-man for tonight's main event. - CHYNA/CHRIS JERICHO vs. KURT ANGLE/BRITISH BULLDOG Chyna has her pyro cannon. Jericho says he and Chyna are going to throw a little rock & roll party tonight. Kurt Angle comes out with the Bulldog. Angle says nothing good has happened in Atlanta since he won his Olympic gold medal there. He trashes the city for its support of local sports "hooligans" John Rocker and Isaiah Ryder. He informs us that last week Chyna attempted to steal his European Title belt so that she could hock it and get more plastic surgery. He's in the middle of borrowing a line from Jericho when Y2J pops him in the mush. The match itself is short, with the finish seeing Jericho apply the Walls of Jericho on the Bulldog, only to be popped in the head by Angle with the Euro Title belt. Angle then does his finisher and pins Y2J. Rikishi Phatu's having his injured leg wrapped up. Too Cool express concern. Rikishi faces Eddie Guerrero(!) tonight. - TOO COOL vs. HEAD CHEESE Backstage Al Snow is trying to get Steve Blackman to wear yellow tinted shades ("the color of cheese!") and dance to that song about dipping ("you dip, I dip, we dip!") "Steve, you're not dipping." Blackman smashes Snow's boombox and walks off. See, now that's funny. In WCW they would have stretched this out into a five minutes skit in the ring. The match goes along smoothly until Blackman, unable to resist the urging of his partner and the fans ... tries to dance! Scotty Too Hotty shoves him until Snow, knocking him off the apron. Scotty rolls Blackman up for the pin. The Godfather and D-Lo Brown check out tonight's Ho's. - THE GODFATHER/D-LO BROWN (w/ Ho's) vs. PERRY SATURN/DEAN MALENKO There must be a dozen Ho's this week! Midway through the match the Godfather sets Malenko up for the Ho Train, but he's cut off by a spear from Saturn. "The Ho Train is derailed!" I exclaim. Twenty seconds later Jerry Lawler makes the same joke. Various family members look at me in awe. The match ends when Saturn pins D-Lo following an elbowdrop off the top. The New Age Outlaws and Dudley Boyz are partners tonight. This Sunday they square off for the Tag Titles. Oh ... the IRONY! WWF WAR ZONE: - EDGE/CHRISTIAN/HARDY BOYZ vs. THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS/DUDLEY BOYZ Billy Gunn sacrifices his "suck it!" line in favor of blindsiding Christian. Damn, this match goes on a while. And it's GOOD! Except for the finish, which sees Buh Buh Ray Dudley turn on Billy Gunn by whacking him with a chair. Jeff Jardy hits a senton bomb and covers, but is pulled off by Christian. Referee Earl Hebner screws up and counts three anyway, even though Jeff is off at two, and Edge is slow covering. I think the idea was that Christian pulled Jeff off so Edge could get the pin, but the ref totally screwed it up. Everyone stands around, looking lost, as Hebner calls for the bell. Edge, Christian and the Hardyz finish out the angle as originally planned by squabbling amongst each other. Those two teams, of course, meet this Sunday at the PPV. - THE ACOLYTES/MARK HENRY vs. THE HOLLYS/VISCERA Somebody finally remembers to run the copyright logo for hour one. Another match where everything is 50/50 until the final move--a double powerbomb on Crash Holly. Faarooq covers for the pin. Mae Young then comes in to stomp on him, only to be beheaded by a clothesline from Hardcore Holly! Viscera lines her up and gives her a (not very) devastating splash. Ooh ... Canadians won't like THAT one! EMT's swarm in to check Mae and her unborn baby out. I keep trying to think of how the WWF is going to play this pregnancy angle out, and for some reason all I can think of is that "Cosby Show" episode where Bill Cosby gives birth to a ten foot long sandwich and bottle of orange soda. - The Fabulous Moolah and Mark Henry accompany Mae in the ambulance to the hospital. - CHRIS BENOIT vs. TEST Interference by Eddie Guerrero (shot with a lead pipe) leads to a Benoit headbutt and pin. I'm sure Test is happy to see Benoit in the WWF, what with the way Benoit blew by him on the company ladder (and Eddie on a fast track to do the same). The Rock, Cactus Jack and Kane look silly sharing a lockerroom. - RIKISHI PHATU vs. EDDIE GUERRERO No DQ match, which means Eddie's lead (steel?) pipe is legal. Rikishi limps out on three crutches taped together. Jim Ross mistakes aluminum for "reinforced steel." Eddie badmouths Rikishi, drawing some good heat. Turning away from Rikishi he eats a shot from the crutches. Rikishi was faking the injury! (He tricked Eddie into signing the match, Eddie thinking Rikishi had a bad leg. He's smarter than Sid Vicious!) Rikishi drags Eddie over to the corner and gives him the Banzai Butt Drop. Malenko, Benoit & Saturn try to make the save, but Too Cool come out to even up the odds. And wouldn't you know it, these two teams go at it in a six-man match this Sunday. - Another look at the Ominous Steel Bus. - Cactus Jack delivers an interview in the back, using Michael Cole as a stand in for Triple H. Tazz. The Big Bossman. They're next? - D-X and the Big Show get the bus ready to carry some ... baggage. - TAZZ vs. THE BIG BOSSMAN (w/ Prince Albert) Tazz has the Bossman beat, so the Bossman has to go to the nightstick, drawing a DQ. Prince Albert comes in to help. PPV rematch? That bus ... it's EVIL! - TRIPLE H/X-PAC/BIG SHOW vs. THE ROCK/CACTUS JACK/KANE (w/ Paul Bearer) Another lengthy match, par for the course for WWF TV main events these days. Tons of mayhem and chaos. Finisher sees Triple H clunk Cactus Jack with a fire extinguisher and get the pin. The action doesn't end there, though. Everyone fights out of the ring, along the ramp, by a pile of equipment cases, and eventually out where the D-X bus is parked. The heels decide to make their getaway, first slowing Cactus Jack up by pushing a large rolling equipment rack in his way. Cactus runs around it and pushes another one, loaded with steel pipes, after the fleeing D-X members. They climb aboard the bus, but before it can pull away, Cactus shoves the rolling rack at the bus. The large steel pipe on the rack smashes through the windshield of the bus! The bus pulls free of the pipe and pulls away, as Cactus gives the "bang-bang!" - This Thursday: Nothing announced. - Next week: Nothing announced. Comments: Total PPV hype show which, all things considered, I'd rather have seen this Thursday. This show was okay, but a bit on the flat side. Disappointing given this was the big Georgia Dome show. Umm ... not much else I can think of commenting on. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Bottom Line: No Way Out is this Sunday. Here's the card: * Triple H vs. Cactus Jack. "Hell in the Cell" for the WWF Championship. * The Rock vs. Big Show. Winner faces WWF Champ at WrestleMania. * Chris Jericho vs. Kurt Angle. Intercontinental Title Match. * The New Age Outlaws vs. Dudley Boyz. Tag Team Title Match. * Hardy Boyz vs. Edge & Christian. Tag Title Contenders Match. * The Radicals vs. Rikishi Phatu & Too Cool. * Kane vs. X-Pac. Plus possibly Tazz vs. Big Bossman and Mark Henry vs. Viscera. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Slobberknocker Central" and "Monday Night Recap" are copyright 2000 by John Petrie, and all opinions expressed therein are his own, and not those of "USLink". Check the "Slobberknocker Central" main page for info on how to receive the "Recap" free via E-Mail every week. Volume One, Number 223 of the "Monday Night Recap", February 21st, 2000.