______________________________________________________________________ I do not offer subscriptions to a mailing list! I do not e-mail images! _________________________________________________________________ I had this update ready on 12/10, but had trouble accessing the web server to ftp it over. Sorry to be late. _________________________________________________________________ RAW RAW on 11/29/99 aired overnight on TSN in Canada. This night's episode, a live show, was entitled "RAW is Love," in honour of the fictitious wedding of Stephanie McMahon and Andrew Martin (Test). The WWF took out large ads in the tabloid newspapers inviting people to tune in to the biggest wedding of the millennium. But all was not good for the WWF leading up to the show. In fact, the WWF announced that their product was changing to a TVPG-rated product. After trying vainly to fight small pockets of protest against the WWF product, the real axe dropped as sponsors jumped off the ship. The WWF has lost the Air Force, Army, Navy, Coke, M&M/Mars, AT&T, and Wrigley's (who actually left a little earlier in the year) as sponsors. AT&T actually said that they wouldn't consider returning as sponsors even if the WWF changed its product because of the established "image of the WWF," a pretty damning indictment. Speaking of damning indictments, Chris Jericho faced Big Slow in the opener on Smackdown last week, losing in short order to the Big Slow one. Jericho gets this enormous reaction coming out, his appeal even got the PPV crowd to break from what they had been programmed to do by cheering Jericho and booing Chyna, and the crowds have even refused to turn against Jericho after he hammered Chyna's hand. It's ridiculous that the WWF doesn't push him as something more than a losing midcarder. It's almost as bad as how WCW treated Chris Benoit for a run of half-dozen PPVs earlier in the year. "Almost" because the WWF made a big deal about signing Jericho, brough him in in a great way, and then brutally screwed him time and time again. Word is that, just like in WCW earlier in the year, some wrestlers are dissing Jericho backstage in the hopes of protecting their own spots. Jericho vs. Jeff Hardy is the five year in the future main event of this company, and a lot of the mediocre guys who have some profile now don't want to admit that they have comparably little talent. Meanwhile, the WWF puts Big Slow over, has likely lost Austin to an injury, and has lost Mick Foley to retirement. Yow. Foley will likely call it quits inside two months. The plan is for the WWF to not let it be called a retirement, while instead giving Foley various speaking positions, commissioner-like roles. First match saw Big Slow & Kane faced Viscera & Big Boss Man. X-Pac came in right near the start, whacked Kane, and Viscera got the the pin at 1:03 or so. I guess that heats up the awesome Viscera vs. Kane program. Afterwards, X-Pac hit a spin kick on Tori after spitting in her face. TVPG? Oh, the WWF claimed that the TV show was already written and unchangeable, hence the TVPG format would begin on Smackdown on 12/02. DX came to the ring to talk about Vince assaulting the limousine last week. Hunter Hearst Helmsley said there would be no wedding this night. Vince came out. Vince hyped the PPV match against HHH, saying that he would have HHH's blood on his hands. Vince sure is the hype master, being able to sell a match like this. Vince announced that Test's wedding present was a match against HHH this night. That seemed like another small piece that teases a Test heel turn. Here's this multimillionaire father-in-law-to-be who makes his son-in-law-to-be wrestle on his wedding night. Vince said if anybody gets involved in the wedding, he'll fire them on the spot. Sure. You know what's weird? In all of the build-up of the wedding, they called Test by his real name a lot. On the invitation, they used his real name. But so far this night, he was only called Test. Matt Hardy faced Edge. They mentioned the ladder match again. It sure seems like they didn't use that to establish these guys as superstars. If I had any daydreams that the political pressure on the WWF would finally lead to a refocusing on wrestling because the tawdry elements were out, this match cleared up those illusions. As soon as the match started, the crowd went silent. It's like wrestling is the thing that the WWF TV crowds have to endure in order to get some catchphrases, angles, garbage wrestling, and breasts. They popped a little for a tope. Edge pinned Matt at 3:05 after all fout men had become involved in the match. Way too short to be anything, but you know that if it were longer the crowd would have fallen asleep. They showed clips from Stephanie's bachelorette party. It was so lame. Mae Young & Moolah were there for some reason. They played "Truth or Dare." They already hyped WrestleMania 2000. Chyna faced Chris Jericho. When Chyna came out, it sure seemed like the crowd was booing her. Hey, I saw the hammer angle (and Chyna's follow-up) on Smackdown. It was dropped from the Canadian version of RAW. Chyna said she could beat Jericho with one hand. They could have used that like when Shawn Stasiak had his other ring name. Chris Jericho came out to a superstar reaction. You've got to think he'll rise up despite the whines of Road Dogg and the like. Hunter Hearst Helmsley has also been badmouthing Chris Jericho backstage. Jericho said he couldn't wrestle because he was concussed at Smackdown. Jericho so outclassed Chyna during this segment. Miss Kitty sprayed Jericho with a fire extinguisher. I swear that there were boos. We saw even more from the bachelorette party. They drank champagne delivered by some blond-haired brother. Al Snow hates the Rock. Too Cool faced the Hollys. Before the match, Bob Holly insulted Rakishi Fatu, who accompanied Too Cool. They made fun of his ass. A leg drop off the top on Crash Holly ended the match in under one minute. Afterwards, Rakishi came in the ring and did the banzai drop on Crash. Too Coll & Rakishi danced afterwards. Great news! They announced Hollys vs. Rakishi & Viscera for the PPV. A male stripper arrived at the bachelorette party. Mae Young went after after him, draggin him away with Moolah. Closing in on the one-hour mark, we'd seen just under 5:00 of actual wrestling. RAW may be WAR, it may be LOVE, but it sure isn't WRESTLING. Test (never called Andrew Martin to this point) faced HHH. A referee came out wearing a Vince McMahon mask. He looked sort of like Ronald Reagan. Test attacked HHH. The stooges called Vince over to watch the match, but Vince never entered the shot. They said that the referee moved just like Vince. When HHH had a sleeper on Test, the referee slapped Test to rile him up. Test basically got pounded. Match was boring. The crowd was pretty quiet. Test finally hit a powerbomb to avoid a backdrop. They actually tried to a couple of neat counters and spots, but it was a little slow and a little cooperative. HHH tried to chair Test, but the referee took the chair away. When HHH went for a cover, the referee didn't count. HHH finally decked the referee. Shane ran in to chair HHH before the referee could be unmasked. Test hit the elbow for the pin at 8:21. What a crappy match. HHH seemed to promise retaliation afterwards. At the party, Stephanie had one last drink. Michael Cole introduced footage from the "annual" gravy bowl match on Smackdown. It was an excuse for women to roll around in gravy and rip each other's clothes. The EMT who has been in many angles of late had her top ripped off to reveal small, natural breasts. Ha! Anyhow, she was brought out to cut a promo on Ivory. Her character name is Barbara Bush. I guess they abandoned Connie Lingus. Her friends call her "BB." Ivory came out to insult Miss Bush. The fallout was that Ivory & BB Bush will have an evening gown match at the PPV. The crowd booed whn the girls were separated. As the police question Vince about whether he was the referee in the earlier match, Pat Patterson said that Vince was in the bathroom the whole time. "Can you smell it?" Val Venis faced Kurt Angle. Venis did his dirty shtick. Angle was booed. Venis faces Bulldog at the PPV. Angle called Venis a porn star. TVPG. Obviously, this bit of the show was unalterable and the WWF is sincere about delivering a PG product. Angle shows promise considering is limited experience. Bulldog ran out to crotch Venis, who was superplexed by Angle. Venis ended up charging out of the ring to attack Bulldog, but Angle brought him back in. From outside, Bulldog chaired Venis. Angle hit a fireman's carry for the pin at 3:20. The Rock & Mick Foley & Al Snow had a confrontation in the locker room. The Rock wears thin on me these days. His shtick is stale. Rock & Mankind & Kane faced X-Pac & Billy Gunn & Road Dogg. TSN dropped the ring entrances and intros. They drew heat (ha) on Mankind. Al Snow told Head that they should go help Mick. X-Pac was the only guy that looked good. Rock finally came in. The crowd was excited for the only minute of the night. Al Snow came in and screwed things up, getting the faces DQed at the 4:30 mark or so. Rock elbowed Snow. Dudleyz & Acolytes played poker. They ended up brawling. Jim Ross called Test by his real name once. It was time for the wedding. They brought out the wedding party. Edge, Shawn Stasiak, Christian, D'Lo Brown, Jeff Hardy, Matt Hardy, Gerald Brisco, Fabulous Moolah, Pat Patterson, and Mae Young were all in the party, along with friends of Stephanie (presumably). Shane & Linda McMahon came out together. They played Test's entrance music when he came to the ring. They introduced him as Test! For reality's sake, couldn't they have said Andrew Martin? Vince came out with Stephanie. Stephanie kept tripping on her dress. The minister did the usual bit. He at least called Test Andrew. A duet was sung; the woman was pretty bad. Test cried. The audience applauded. Second heat of the night. Just after the "forever hold his piece" bit, the DX music and light show came on. I guess the light & music guys will get fired. HHH signalled for some video footage to be played. HHH drove through the Las Vegas strip, pointing out all of the smut. He pulled into the Little White Chapel's Tunnel of Love. He was talking to somebody in the car. Bingo, it was Stephanie. A female minister of sorts was sped right through the ceremony, even though Stephanie was unconscious in the seat beside him. Damn, didn't you think that she would do a heel turn on the family? I guess that might still be possible. HHH said his lines. HHH spoke in a female voice to deliver Stephanie's line. It was a great angle. We saw the blond-haired brother decorating the car. Ah, he served Stephanie a drugged drink. In the ring, Stephanie cried. HHH came out on the platform, to say that he was a member of the immediate family and hence couldn't be fired for interrupting the wedding. He suggested that he consummated the marriage with Stephanie. Let's see. Vince has said that the WWF would never do a storyline on rape. Does drugging a woman, taking her to a hotel, and having sex with her, or even just suggesting the last two items in that list have anything to do with a storyline on rape? Is it TVPG? On to the Tuesday special on UPN. Surely, this would be a TVPG broadcast. Wrongo. Worse yet, it was on at 8:00pm EST. They showed loads of extra-violent wrestling (hell in the cell, etc.). They showed mud wrestling. They talked about pimps and porn stars. It was unreal. Mark Henry getting blown by a man. Smackdown on 12/02/99 was a bit toned down. Still, the primary story line that they pushed was HHH drugging, marrying, and suggesting he then raped Stephanie McMahon. DX gifted HHH with presents. HHH said married life was good, but he sure was tired. Yuck, yuck, that's cause he raped her so many times. I wonder if the 38% of the audience that is made up of kids got the joke. Anyhow, they gave HHH a ringside ticket to Armageddon, so that Stephanie could watch him beat up her father. Bingo, there's the escape. As everybody likely hoped, Stephanie will no doubt turn heel on her family and admit that she married HHH willingly, that she faked her way through the unconscious wedding. It does seem to be the only way for Vince to say that he hasn't done a rape-based storyline, right? Oh, he'll just go ahead and say that anyhow, because he believes that nobody will ever call him on anything. Anyhow, Stephanie got Vince & Shane to agree to let her handle things her way. They agreed. I think her way is going to be to side with DX. Maybe she'll go for a chair shot on HHH while Vince is holding him, only to whack her dad "by mistake." As always, boys and girls, the WWF is all about storyline and not at all about the actual wrestling. RAW on 12/06/99 was the last RAW show before the Armageddon PPV, the last chance to throw a twist into the mix. The show opened with Billy Gunn & Road Dogg facing Too Cool, who were of course accompanied by Rakishi Fatu. Billy Gunn compared his own ass favourably to Rakishi's. The bell rang and someone turned off the crowd microphone. Oh, that's not true. By watching the crowd, you could see that they were all sitting on their hands and keeping their mouths shut. That's not quite true, either. Whenever the camera showed a segment of the crowd, anybody that saw himself on the Titantron, actually did react a bit. Yeah, wrestling is so popular these days. As the closed in on the finish, some guys in the ringside aread seemed to be arguing over who had tickets to a particular seat. Damn, the camera cut away from that, so we never saw how that was resolved. Well, the Hollys hit the ring. They laid out Rakishi. The bell rang, presumably for some sort of DQ, at 3:38. The bell rang even though the referee didn't signal for it. Weird mess. Afterwards, Billy Gunn suplexed Scott Taylor, with the best commentator in the business saying "jackknife....er....jackhammer... by Gunn." Is all of this building to the Hollys interfering at the PPV tag title match? Stephanie's limousine arrived. Mankind came out. He talked about Al Snow & Rock, seemingly siding with Rock. He called Al Snow to the ring. Snow came out looking all serious. The crowd chanted for Rocky. Snow told Mankind that nobody other than Snow cared about him. Snow said he couldn't watch Snow turn himself into a "suckup brown nose" for the Rock and debase his legend by playing the fool. It ended with Snow saying that he'd find a partner to face Rock & Mankind this night. Snow admitted that he threw away Mankind's book, framing Rock. He then attacked Mankind, who basically no sold it, as the two brawled. Mankind could barely walk across the ring. Stephanie & Vince McMahon talked about HHH. Stephanie didn't come off very credibly. Hardy Boyz faced Kurt Angle & Steve Blackman. Terri Runnels looked very TVPGish. This was weird, since Jim Ross kept reminding us that Blackman & Angle would fight at the PPV. Angle said that Blackman was making a good apprentice, that Angle could make him into something. Matt Hardy & Blackman screwed up a spot off the ropes so badly that the commentators had to address it. They just went back and did the correct spot, which looked funny because it was so similar to the flub. At 1:49, Angle pinned Jeff Hardy after Blackman used a weapon on Jeff coming into the corner. Angle celebrated like it was 1999. Stephanie asked HHH to sign an annulment. "I'm appealing to you as a human being." X-Pac laughed and made lewd suggestions. HHH said, "Hey, she's my wife!" Val Venis faced D'Lo Brown to determine the number one contender to the European title. Val's TVPG intro was completely stopped by D'Lo coming out early. D'Lo is great and really underused. D'Lo got crotched on top, and Val hit the superplex. The Posse and the Bulldog ran in after two minutes of silence (i.e. at the 2:00 mark of the match). They walked off. A bell never rang. I'm guessing we'll get a triangle match at the PPV. Everybody knows that it is harder for the fans to be silent when three guys are in the ring doing stuff that they don't want to see. The fun-loving pimp, the Godfather, came out before 10:00pm EST. "Is there any pimps up in this house?...the Godfather be pimpin' hos..." He faced Prince Albert. Man, Godfather sucks. He was actually competitive against Big Boss Man on Heat this week, even though Boss Man is getting the PPV title shot on Sunday. He got the win over Albert here at 3:55. Who in his right mind would give the Godfather 3:55 of match time on RAW? HHH came to the ring with roses and Stephanie's annulment papers. The crowd chanted "asshole" when HHH asked them how they feel about him. He said that the fans on Smackdown called Stephanie "slut" and "whore," both words blipped by TSN (or USA?). He said they were wrong, because HHH would never marry a "slut." He said the annulment papers hit him out of nowhere. He said he blamed the fans for killing the love that he and Stephanie shared. He said he'd sign the papers, inviting Stephanie to come out. Stephanie came out looking suspicious. Both of them were overacting, but HHH was purposely going for comedy. After HHH's act, Stephanie said she was tired of the son of a bitch. The fallout was that if Vince can beat HHH at the PPV, HHH will sign the annulment papers. If HHH beats Vince at the PPV, HHH gets a title shot. Vince came out to accept the arrangement. The plan is to build for HHH vs. Rock at WrestleMania now that Austin is out. Bob Holly faced Rakishi Fatu. Butt drop in 0:36. Crash laughed at Bob. Too Cool and Rakishi danced. Backstage, Barbara Bush massaged her ample bosom in a very TVPGish way. After a commercial break, Michael Cole interviewed Boobs, er, Babs, in the ring in a segment that was edited off of the rebroadcast of RAW on TSN. Ivory interrupted things before Babs could say a word. Ivory said, "Your boobs really are quite enormous." Ivory did a stupid boob-based routine. Jacqueline came out. For the second time in the night, a weird symbol came up on the Titantron. Jackie insulted Ivory. The fourth challenger in the evening gown match was revealed to be Miss Kitty, who protested, saying that she might well get stripped down to her bra and panties. "I don't wear underwear!" "Well Kitty, you are just going to have to win, aren't you?" And TSN was embarrassed to be involved with this? Why, pray tell? Backstage, Viscera put Big Slow through a table. Like anybody thought that Viscera could beat Slow. Kane & Test faced X-Pac & HHH. X-Pac was great. That's about it. The poor bastard is going to have to face Kane on PPV again. The Observer likes to say that X-Pac is the best worker who is involved in the most lacklustre or bad matches. Interpret that as an assessment of the WWF roster and product style. Test came back on X-Pac. Kane got to clean house. Kane went up for the clothesline, hitting it on HHH. Test came in with the big elbow...no...X-Pac crotched him. X-Pac chased down Tori. He tried for a bronco buster, but Kane caught him in the air. Kane dumped X-Pac. In the ring, Test went for a pump handle slam, but HHH floated over in slow motion, hit a low blow, hit the pedifree and got the win at 5:20 or so. Viscera faced Big Slow. Somebody has a sense of humour. Viscera delivered the worst bulldog in the history of the wrestling. Slow finally slammed Viscera. Big Slow did the worst missile dropkick in history. Even with the switch to a camera angle from behind Viscera, it was horrible. Match was short. Suddenly, the Titantron aired a video of Big Boss Man talking to Big Slow's mom. Big Boss Man got the mother to reveal that Big Slow was illegitimate. I prefer to think of him as the Big Slow Love Child. Mayve it will turn out that his real daddy, who of course will be alive, will turn out to be Boss Man's daddy. Yes, half brothers. What a twist. Big Slow phoned home to talk to his momma. "Why the lie? For 27 years." What a dramatic scene. Mankind & Rock faced Al Snow & his surprise tag partner, Chris Jericho. Only Jericho got to speak pre-match. Chyna came out and whacked him. The match started as a brawl without the bell ringing. The bell finally rang after 0:40 of brawling. Snow & Jericho got destroyed until they finally two-on-oned Rock. Mankind took a bump off the apron to the floor. Al Snow chaired Mankind. Snow & Jericho tried for a double missile dropkick, but Snow totally missed. Lionsault missed. Rock hit the hot tag and was on fire. Rock & Jericho brawled up the ramp. Mankind put the socko claw on Snow. Outside the ring, Rock rock bottomed Jericho on the ramp and then got laid out by the Outlaws, who wanted to weaken the challengers at the PPV. Shit, if you laid out Rocky the day of the match, you'd be lucky he was still selling it when the match actually rolled around. But attacking Rock a week ahead of time is just stupid. Somewhere in the melee, Snow used head on Mankind and then yelled "I'm your real friend." The TVPG pressure is apparently only being applied to Smackdown because that show is on (cough, cough) "network" TV. This means that some advertisers have stopped sponsoring Smackdown alone because of the outside pressure. Others, like Coke, have totally dropped the WWF product. By the way, when Coke dropped them, do you remember Jim Ross on RAW saying that he was switching to Pepsi? Well, Pepsi couldn't be lured into the WWF sponsorship family, to the WWF has instead taken on RC Cola as a sponsor. Nitro Nitro on 11/29/99 once again was better than all of the crap that Kevin Nash delivered to us when he ran the show, but it also once again did a couple of things (at least) that pissed me off to no end and left me wondering about whether the new direction is actually going anywhere good. It's better than Nash's vision, but is it good? It's like saying that Kane is better than Big Slow, but is he good? Nitro was cut down to two-and-a-half hours on TSN. Hmmm, they were advertising a mud wrestling affair, which left me thinking that that was going to get the axe. The show opened with Goldberg coming to the ring. Push came to shove and Goldberg ended up trading barbs with the Outsiders. Sid surfaced, saying that there was a new babyface in town. It doesn't matter if it makes sense, 'cause he's in town, cowpokes. Goldberg vs. Nash was announced as a match this night. Meng would challenge Bret Hart, and Scott Hall would challenge Sid. Furthermore, all matches had to have a winner. Yeah, don't fool yourself by believing that Vince Russo has discovered what a clean finish is. On this count, he's worse than Dusty. Buff Bagwell & Booker T faced Creative Control for the tag titles. Match sucked. Booker T has a lot of potential, but Vince doesn't know what to do with him. Thanks to Hennig, Bagwell ended up getting pinned at 3:45. Midnight came out afterwards. How long before she gets implants? Juventud Guerrera met with the Power That Is and was told that his visa problems would be fixed if he could win the IWGP lightheavyweight title from Jushin Liger tonight. I didn't even know there was such a title. Flowers were delivered to Symphony, the former Ryan Shamrock. Can you believe that she's trying to hold up the company for more money? Mike Tenay was guitared by Jeff Jarrett. Brian Knobs came to the ring. Norman Smiley hid in the back. Fit Finlay returned, walking to the ring with a calf brace on. He laid out Knobs and cut his hair. Jushin Liger faced Juventud Guerrera for the IWGP Jr. Heavyweight Title, I think. They didn't give Liger an entrance. The commentators didn't talk about the match. Brad Armstrong, as Buzzkill, did guest commentary and the entire segment was spent putting him over. Why? Meanwhile, in the ring, Juvi was in the most important match he's ever been in from an international standpoint. He worked his ass off. He did a tope, landing on his elbow on the concrete, apparently breaking his arm. Juvi looked pissed, and it later came out that he believes that Liger moved out of the way on purpose. Watching it on tape again, Liger seemed to turn, and I guess Juvi would argue he dodged the spot. Anyhow, Juvi, nursing a badly damaged arm, still went on to deliver a better match than most guys in either promotion deliver with two arms. Finish saw Buzzkill distract the referee, while Juvi used a tequila bottle to knock on Liger for the pin at 5:32. Ridiculous mistreatment of one of the two best wrestlers of the 1990s. The Revolution came out with an American flag. They declared themselves independent. Cool. Since Vince Russo doesn't want to watch anything but Americans in the ring, I suppose we'll never see these guys again. Oh wait, we'll still see them a lot? And we see Benoit & Hart a lot too, right? Oh, I get it. That "American" word is just doublespeak to avoid saying that Vince doesn't want to see black, japanese, or mexican guys in the rings. As long as you're white, you're alright. Anyhow, Jim Duggan came out doing his old shtick. You know, the storyline with Duggan is going to lead to a renewed pushed for the old man. Duggan was carrying a think foam 2x4 and the wrestlers had to sell the shots like it was made of granite. This was surreal. They fought over the styrofoam like it was a deadly weapon. It was amatuer hour. Benoit made the save. Scott Hall faced Sid. Yawn. Thankfully, it only went 2:59 before Jeff Jarrett interfered to set up a win by Hall. Goldberg saved Sid afterwards. I hate this crap...Sid, that is. Jerry Only faced Steve Williams in a cage match. Why? Oh, it was a plan. They grabbed Oklahoma and doused his faced with BBQ sauce. The decision makers like this Jim Ross parody too much; it is blinding their sensibility. Bret Hart faced Meng for the WCW Title. "Boy, it's been a mess out here tonight, hasn't it?" Thanks, Tony, you read my mind. Even though Meng did an interview in perfect English, Tony still pushes him as a wild jungle native. Bret is great, making even this match watchable. Scott Hall & Nash got involved. Chris Benoit came out to help Hart. Somehow, in all of this, Hart put the sharpshooter on an unconscious Meng for the win at 7:00. At some point after Starrcade, it will be revealed that Hall & Nash were always aiding Hart during these run-ins. The Nitro Girls did another terrible fake fight. Chris Benoit & Jeff Jarrett & Sting had a triangle match to decide the number one contender after Starrcade. Benoit is just so awesome. Lex Luger came out to take out Sting. Jarrett guitared Benoit. Thankfully, Dustin Rhodes ran in to lay out Jeff Jarrett with a bell shot. He plopped Benoit on top for the win at 3:50. Hey, I guess that means that Benoit will face Bret Hart in the new year. I'm assuming that Hart's heel turn will be given some weight by having him not lose the title to Goldberg. Symphony was tormented by David Flair. As Tony told us, Goldberg & Kevin Nash had their rubber match. There's a funny line there, but really it's the fans who get screwed. This match had a melee in the back as Hall tried to take out Goldberg and Nash went back to join him. Add Bret Hart and Sid to the mix, and it becomes a total cluster. Finally, Goldberg did get in the ring with Nash. After limited action, Goldberg hit the spear for the win. Hart chased Hall to the back and chaired Nash, so I guess we're supposed to think that he's no in collusion with those guys. Match ran less than two minutes. On TSN, we saw Roddy Piper ramble on about mud. After a commercial break, the Nitro Girls had another lame fight in the back. Jerry Lynn faced The Wall in the Block. I don't know why they bother with this. "WCW's version of the fight club." Heenan mentioned "boiler room." Ooops, should we mention words used in the WWF? Berlyn showed up. Berlyn and Wall talked in English, which made a load of sense. This was crap. As Chavo Guerrero, Mike Tenay's replacement, was milling about, he caught Roddy Piper, who was inexpicably for Canadian fans covered with mud. Midnight faced Curt Hennig. Curt Hennig must still be one hell of a great wrestler, 'cause he managed to mask a lot of Midnight's inability to wrestle. It was still pretty bad. Stevie Ray ran in for the DQ at 2:59. Curly Bill attacked Stevie. Arn Anderson showed up, perhaps because he's going to manage Heat? Anyhow, all of these guest appearances were separated by the lights going off and on. I hate that. Somehow, Tony Marinara's goons got spaghetti poured on them while they were handcuffed to a bed. On TSN, we never learn why or how. Outsiders vs. Bret Hart & Chris Benoit vs. Goldberg & Sid in a triangle cage match was the main event. What a mess. They didn't do anything. Finally, Jeff Jarrett came out with a shitload of guitars. He walked Piper and Goldberg. Benoit hit the headbutt off the top of the cage. It meant nothing because Russo doesn't know how to put together matches with meaning, I think. That also described four of the other five wrestlers in the ring with Benoit here, so that just about made it hopeless. Anyhow, Benoit got the swandive pin on Hall. Jarret hit Benoit with a guitar too. I guess that Benoit will have to return these favours from Hall at the PPV. Thunder on 12/02/99 was a horrible show. One really good match by North American standards saw Chris Benoit faced Jushin Liger. The finish was atrocious. During the match, Juventud Guerrera did commentary. His arm was in a sling, and he clearly believed that Liger moved on purpose on Nitro. It was funny to hear his shoot commentary. When Liger went for a cross body on a standing Benoit, Juvi yelled for Chris to move. When he didn't, he said that Benoit was a professional who wouldn't move, or something like that. Juvi also hit a lot of the catchphrases of various WWF wrestlers. "It doesn't matter..." "Never, never, NEVER..." etc. It was sort of funny. On WCW Saturday Night, Juvi did the Rock's People's Elbow. It's a funny character for Juvi, and, since it is guaranteed to get boos, they were smart to turn him heel. But the average viewer probably had no clue what he was saying half of the time that we could understand him. They liked this so much that Juvi will be guest commentator for next week's Thunder. Nitro on 12/06/99 aired in full on Wednesday afternoon. Even with the supposed improvement in show quality, I still find myself dreading a three hour show just as much as when the other regimes were in charge. The show opened with Jeff Jarrett once again laying into Mike Tenay, this time using the figure four on him. Jarrett had listed name wrestlers that he dared to challenge him and had then threatened Gene Okerlund. Jeez, if he would have whacked Gene he would have made his face turn a hell of a lot sooner than expected. Goldberg made the save, presumably setting up a match for later. Backstage, Curly Bill was renamed Shane. Man, that is so funny, so fresh. And, hey, that was Rhonda Singh that made a split second appearance on the abridged version of Nitro last week. She was great as Monster Ripper ten years ago, but had a less than horrible run as Bertha Faye in the WWF. For some reason, Fit Finlay is training Brian Knobs. Norman Smiley came to the ring. Everybody has to cut promos now. Nobody wrestles any more. Smiley said that he'd kick Finlay's butt if he were here, and then challenged anybody to come out. Rhonda Singh (spelled Sing) came out. She beat the tar out of Smiley with objects. I feel badly for Norman. He's a really great wrestler, and he's stuck getting over with this stupid (albeit funny) gimmick. He ended up doing the big wiggle, almost, but she used a fire extinguisher on him. He reversed a whip into a table on got the pin on her. Match ran less than a handful of minutes. The Powers That Be, now called the PTB, perhaps for "Pretty Terrible Booking," met with Psicosis & La Parka, telling them that the first one of the two out of the office would be fighting Jushin Liger on behalf of the injured Juventud Guerrera for the IWGP Jr. Heavyweight Title. Okay, for some reason the commentators decided to talk about the match this time, even talking about the title and calling it a "major championship." They even gave Liger a ring entrance. It didn't mean anything to me. Last week, Russo burned that bridge, and all I can hear is him talking about American fans being so moronic (in his view) that they would only get into American wrestlers. What a bigoted, racist jackass. Or maybe that's the type of audience he wants to cultivate. Anyhow, Psicosis & Liger had a lackluster match, with Liger regaining his title in short order. Afterwards, Parka chaired Psicosis. Backstage, The Maestro freaked out looking for Symphony, who was taken away earlier by David Flair. Great wrestling storyline. Mona & Madusa & Evan Karagias had a triple threat match to determine if either of the women would get a title shot at Evan at the PPV. Weird. I'm just completely disinterested in this idea of putting women in the ring against men (Chyna vs. Jericho, and now here). The women pushed Evan out at first, as if yo say that they would have a singles match. The idea was that if one of the women won the match, they'd get the shot at Evan. So why would he leave the ring? At the commentary table, Evan said he'd "love to roll around in the ring with Madusa." Mona hit the missile dropkick at 1:15. Evan ran in to check on Madusa, with Madusa getting the possum schoolgirl on Evan to earn the title shot at 1:30. For no apparent reason, Jeff Jarrett ran in and started trashing Goldberg. He guitared Madusa and challenged Goldberg. I guessed they realized that the match wasn't set up completely earlier on. Or they just wanted to break more guitars. In storyline crap during the show, Lex Luger tried to woo back Liz, but she dumped the champagne on him, Disco Inferno & Lash LeRoux tormented Tony Marinara, and Maestro continued his search for Symphony. Good lord, is this good wrestling? Speaking of which, Steve Williams & Oklahoma faced El Vampiro & Jerry Only. Oklahoma had a headset microphone on. Hey, when they've killed interest in all wrestling and hopefully get canned over it, he can use that to work at a drive thru. Oklahoma did his own commentary, which was actually sort of funny for 20 seconds. It got old really fast, although I liked the "I'm blown up already, son." He spinned the wrong way on a spinning toehold. I really could live without these amateur hour bits. Doc took a good bump from a missile dropkick. With the two wrestlers in the ring, there was actually the potential for some good action. They delivered some reasonable action. It ended with Oklahoma using his boot to knock Vampiro off the top rope. Doc was then able to destroy Vampiro. He tagged OK in, with OK delivering an elbow off the first rope for the pin. Heenan yelled, "Oklahoma wins!" Jeez, Vince Russo & Ed Ferrara must have a hard-on for this stuff. They announced that Kevin Nash would face Chris Benoit. Scott Hall reminded us that he destroyed the TV Title last week, presumably in a segment that was cut on TSN. Bret Hart faced Lex Luger for the WCW Title. They left the ring for a little bit of brawling. They walked around the ringside area. They were out of the ring for close to two minutes, with Bret bothering to roll in once to break a count. It all makes no sense. In the ring, Bret is just so awesome. He went to work on Lex's leg. Luger's first offensive move was an eye gouge. At 2:30, Liz came out, with Sting following her closely. "Are you going to represent garbage or are you going to represent me, Liz? It's now or never." She left with Sting. As Luger protested, Bret hit the sharpshooter for the win at 3:57. Now that's a title match. And wasn't this a great spot for this match? Roddy Piper arrived. David Flair acted insane. Jerry Flynn made another open challenge for the block: two men will enter, one will leave, and a few hundred thousand viewers will switch channels. The Revolution came out with new militia garb. The match had Asya vs. Midnight. But first Shane Douglas did an interview. He threatened the flag. This stuff has no sell value in Canada. They unfurled the Revolution's flag. It was a white circle on a black flag, with a blue R on the circle. This gimmick is awesome. Midnight is a heck of an athlete. She isn't much of a wrestler, but she's a great athlete. Asya's pretty athletic too. In the old days, both of them would have had to weather several years on various indy circuits before getting any sort of chance in North America. These days, having no wrestling experience is actually a plus if you want to work in one of the big two. The ref bumped, as the ref does in every match. The Revolution went into the ring. Jim Duggan came out with a 2x4, this one actually made of wood. Perry Saturn used the board to push his hand into Jim Duggan's stomach; okay, we were supposed to thing that the board was hitting Duggan. It sucked. And it sucked bad. No bell rang, but it was 3:30 in when they draped their flag over Duggan. Oh joy, oh bliss, they brought back the Nitro party tapes! Some chick had a David Flair shrine. They didn't put up a graphic with an address for tapes, so this seems like it could be an angle. They showed clips from the mud match that we didn't see on TSN last week. Damn, I missed that? Roddy Piper faced Creative Control. Piper explained that he was also the referee of the match until the bell rang, so he told Control that he had to pat them down. Several times, Piper mentioned "Russo." Piper explained that this was an "I Quit" match. No bell rang. Piper did his psychotic crappy wrestling act. Creative Control demolished him. Goldberg ran in. He did the worst jackhammer in history on on Control member. Piper choked out the other and got him to yell "I Quit" into a microphone. Match ran 2:45 tops. Disco Inferno & Lash tarred & feathered Tony, all of this while the Nitro Girls were beating Vito & partner at strip poker. Dustin Rhodes faced Meng. Dustin came out wearing the Seven jacket and a cowboy hat. He had ring entrance music, all of which made no sense if he's supposed to be an outsider type. At the minute mark, Jeff Jarrett and the Outsiders all got involved. One minute, two minutes, three mintues, man, this stuff all sucks. Larry Zbyszko was asked why Thunder sucks. He said that the stars are never on the show. It ended up with the much-awaited return to the ring of Larry, in a match against Hennig. If Hennig wins, Larry gets booted off of Thunder. If Hennig loses, the PTB have to leave. Hmmm, wonder which way that will turn out. They aired a vignette for "The Artist Formerly Known as Prince Iaukea," doing a very purple, very Prince thing, which I might actually like until Prince Iaukea makes it real. Larry faced Hennig. Match had Larry in it and it sucked. Who would have guessed. Hey, to be fair to Larry, every match on Nitro sucks. Shit, every match on Monday night wrestling sucks. You'll never guess: the referee bump in the first minute. They used to talk about one wrestler dominating the first few minutes of a match, now the commentators talked about Larry dominating the first few seconds. No joke. Arn Anderson came in to whack Hennig and Shane. The referee counted the win for Larry at about the 3:30 mark. Creative Control came in and showed the replay to referee Charles Robinson on the big screen. Yup, Larry lost. They sure seem to be building to a program with the old warhorses (Hogan, Duggan, Larry Z, Ric Flair, Dusty/Dustin, and more) against the Powers That Be. Kevin Nash faced Chris Benoit. Great, Benoit gets to carry another untalented piece of crap to a mediocre performance. Scott Hall came out with a ladder. For some reason, Heenan talked about Sting being in a ladder match, when he wasn't in one this night. Nash pretty much killed Benoit. As he tried for the power bomb, Benoit hit the crossface. Nash didn't really sell it. Hall came in. Nash, unaffected by the crossface, got up with the ladder in hand. Benoit dropkicked the ladder onto him. Benoit then went to the top of the ladder for the headbutt, but Hall came in, so Benoit instead crossbodied him. That was about it for Benoit, with Nash recovering to power bomb him. Hall tried to power bomb Benoit on the ladder, but Sid came out and grabbed Benoit's feet, pulling him to safety. Nash did it. Benoit had a crappy match. And last week he was involved in that horrible show-ending cage match. Godfather-(the mafia movie, not the fun-loving pimp)-style music kicked up to signal the entrance of Vito & Johnny. Vince Russo knew correctly that Nitro needed to have an element of new faces. But his total disrespect for actual wrestling has led to so many of the new faces being guys that can't work a lick. Who wants to see those horrible Nitro Girls fights? Who wants to see these stupid idiots? Vito & Johnny called out Disco Inferno & Lash LeRoux, but the two blonds from the strip club last week came to the ring instead. Those twins are the girls that Vince hired using the money that he didn't want to spend on Torrie Wilson. She was asking for a measly $250K per year over three years and they didn't jump at the opportunity to get her that cheaply. At least that was the situation for a while, but they've now re-signed Torrie to a two-year deal. They've also signed Kimona of ECW fame, as Vince starts piling up the women. Anyhow, Disco & Lash attacked the goons from behind. Marinara, covered in feathers, came to the ring. In the end, Lash & Disco were carried off by the goons as the music kicked in again. No, really, is this wrestling? They dumped Disco & Lash in a nice car and then celebrated, with Disco & Lash driving the car away. Oh man. In his quest to find Symphony, the Maestro walked into the Block, with Jerry Flynn attacking him. They drop frames when airing this and put grain lines on the video. I don't get it. The crowd obviously does, drowning the segment with "boring" chants every week. David Flair surfaced with Symphony. Who cares? "Time for our next match up," said Tony. Okay, guess: one, two, three, four or five minutes? The match features Scott Hall vs. Sting. Nash once again did his bit to knock Chris Benoit, talking about big men beating small men. Referee Nick Patrick had explained that only licensed managers would be allowed at ringside, so they made a point of explaining that Liz now had a signed deal with Sting. That explained why Kevin Nash was allowed to be guest commentator for the match. What a mess. At the 50 second mark, Nash started choking Sting with the headphone cord. Patrick tossed him out. Well, at least they did something with it. A group of really young kids at ringside had a sign saying "Show Me Your Puppies." Do I need to add anything to that? They did a sleeper spot that lasted a minute. Sting suplexed his way out of the sleeper, and it was time to sell like it was 20 minutes in. Sting hit the Scorpion for the win at 6:09 after Liz used her sprayer without Sting's knowledge. Shit, with all of these losses for Hall in recent weeks, you just know he's going over Benoit at the PPV. David Flair came out with Symphony. His music played, and nobody seemed bothered that he had kidnapped her. Flair called out Maestro. DDP's music came up instead. DDP has asked for his release, thinking that he's no longer protected by the boss of the company. He doesn't like the idea of his wife being pushed ahead of him. DDP laid out Flair with the Diamond Cutter in two seconds. DDP said that there was a rumour that he wanted out of his WCW contract so that he could go to the WWF. Page said he's all about loyalty. He talked around the backstage fight with Bagwell, something that everybody thinks is an angle. Tony acted like an idiot, not knowing what Page was hinting at. DDP called out Sid. Their match was lame, although DDP showed more effort than usual. Referee bump number sixty-nine. Sid power bombed DDP. Nash walked in, along with Hall, with Sid holding them off for a second. Benoit ran in for the save. Please don't make them a tag team down the line. Jeff Jarrett came in. Bret Hart ran in. What a mess this was, as guys stood around a lot, like they did in the cage match last time. Finally, a bunch of security guys ran in. It was sad. Nick Patrick said the referees were leaving. Wait, the referees are walking out in protest? Boy, we've never seen that before. Back from a commercial, Goldberg raced to the ring as a lot of the guys from the last segment were still brawling. As Jeff Jarrett retreated and the heels were stuck in the aisle, Roddy Piper's music came up. He said he'd referee the match and made everybody a lumberjack. As Jarrett tried to retreat, some unidentified guys, who were told were Green Bay Packers, stared him down. Dustin Rhodes surfaced, taking Jarrett into the ring.The lumberjacks started brawling amongst themselves. JJ used a chair on Goldberg. Nash & Hall caught Goldberg's leg so he couldn't hit the spear. After some more crap, Goldberg finally hit the spear. Jackhammer for the pin. You know, Nash and Bischoff were bad regimes and this one does more things right that those did, but a monkey could still book this stuff. - The WWF has Armageddon on 12/12/99. Line-up has * Big Slow vs. Big Boss Man for the WWF Title * Vince McMahon vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley in a hardcore match * Road Dogg & Billy Gunn vs. Rock & Mankind for the Tag Titles * Chyna vs. Chris Jericho for the IC Title * Kurt Angle vs. Steve Blackman * British Bulldog vs. D'Lo Brown vs. Val Venis for the European Title * Barbara Bush vs. Ivory vs. Jacqueline vs. Miss Kitty in a four corners evening gown match for the Women's Title * X-Pac vs. Kane * Bob Holly & Crash Holly vs. Viscera & Rakishi - WCW has Starrcade on 12/19/99. Line-up has * Bret Hart vs. Bill Goldberg for the WCW Title * Scott Hall vs. Chris Benoit for the US Title in a ladder match * Jeff Jarrett vs. Dustin Rhodes in a bunkhouse brawl * Norman Smiley vs. Meng for the Hardcore Title * Steve Williams vs. El Vampiro * Kevin Nash vs. Sid * David Flair vs. Diamond Dallas Page in a crowbar on a pole match * Creative Control & Curt Hennig vs. Harlem Heat & Midnight for the Tag Titles (in a mixed six-man!?) * Evan Karagias vs. Madusa for the Cruiserweight Title The final match may not take place. WCW can no longer do men vs. women matches. In fact, they had planned to use Asya in a mixed tag match, but that match will be reworked, with Asya being dropped out. - Politically Incorrect on Friday night has Bobby Heenan, Roddy Piper, Sting, and Madusa as guests. - PPV buy rates, revenue (in millions), and match statistics for the WWF, WCW, and ECW are presented in the following 1999 summary sheet (the PPV draw(s) are listed, as well as the quality matches): Show Data Match Rating Data Show Details Buy Rate Gross Mean Median Peak % >= * * * * WWF 99/09/26: Unforgiven Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Davey Boy Smith vs. Mankind vs. Rock vs. Big Show vs. Kane 1.6 $7.68 1.03 * 1/5 * * * 1/2 Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Davey Boy Smith vs. Mankind vs. Rock vs. Big Show vs. Kane 0% (0 of 9) 99/08/22: SummerSlam Test vs. Shane McMahon 1.61 $7.73 1.53 * * 1/4 * * * 1/2 Mankind vs. Steve Austin vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley 0% (0 of 13) 99/07/25: Fully Loaded Steve Austin vs. Undertaker 1.4 $6.7 1.75 * * * * * 3/4 Steve Austin vs. Undertaker 0% (0 of 9) 99/06/27: King of the Ring Steve Austin vs. Vince McMahon vs. Shane McMahon 1.13 $5.41 1 3/4 * * 1/2 Steve Austin vs. Vince McMahon vs. Shane McMahon 0% (0 of 10) 99/05/23: Over The Edge Steve Austin vs. Undertaker 1.1 $5.28 Owen Hart dies 99/04/25: Backlash Steve Austin vs. Rocky Maivia 1.06 $5.09 2.28 * * 1/4 * * * * 1/4 Steve Austin vs. Rocky Maivia 12.5% (1 of 8) 99/03/28: WrestleMania Steve Austin vs. Rocky Maivia 2.3 $12.04 1.13 * 1/4 * * * 1/2 Steve Austin vs. Rocky Maivia 0.0% (0 of 9, no shoot) 99/02/14: St. Valentine's Day Massacre Steve Austin vs. Vince McMahon Mankind vs. Rocky Maivia 1.2 $5.33 1.28 * 1/4 * * * 3/4 Mankind vs. Rocky Maivia 0.0% (0 of 8) 99/01/24: Royal Rumble Mankind vs. Rocky Maivia Royal Rumble 1.57 $6.97 1.83 * 1/2 * * * 3/4 Mankind vs. Rocky Maivia 0.0% (0 of 6) Last 6 1.32 $6.32 1.56 1.75 3.5 2.0% (1 of 49) 1999 1.44 $6.91 1.5 1.59 3.56 1.4% (1 of 72) 1998 1.02 $4.42 1.60 1.63 3.65 4.0% (4 of 101) Show Data Match Rating Data Show Details Buy Rate Gross Mean Median Peak % >= * * * * WCW 99/09/12: Fall Brawl Kevin Nash & Sting vs. Randy Savage & Sid Vicious 0.33 1.58 1.58 3/4* * * * 3/4 Lenny Lane vs. Kaz Hayashi 0% (0 of 9) 99/08/14: Road Wild Kevin Nash & Sting vs. Randy Savage & Sid Vicious 0.54 2.59 1.25 * 1/4 * * * 1/4 Chris Benoit vs. Diamond Dallas Page 0% (0 of 9) 99/07/11: Bash at the Beach Kevin Nash & Sting vs. Randy Savage & Sid Vicious 0.41 1.95 0.75 1/2* * * * 1/2 Chris Benoit & Saturn vs. Diamond Dallas Page & Kanyon & Bam Bam Bigelow 0% (0 of 7) 99/06/13: Great American Bash Kevin Nash vs. Randy Savage 0.43 2.05 0.75 3/4* * * * 1/4 Chris Benoit & Saturn vs. Diamond Dallas Page & Kanyon 0% (0 of 9) 99/05/09: Slamboree Kevin Nash vs. Diamond Dallas Page 0.45 2.15 1.75 * * * * * 1/4 Raven & Saturn vs. Rey Misterio Jr. & Konnan vs. Chris Benoit & Dean Malenko 0% (0 of 9) 99/04/11: Spring Stampede Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan vs. Diamond Dallas Page vs. Sting 0.6 2.86 2.31 * * 1/2 * * * * 1/4 Juventud Guerrera vs. Blitzkrieg 11.1% (1 of 9) 99/03/14: Uncensored Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan 0.73 $3.48 1.83 * * * * * 1/2 Billy Kidman vs. Mikey Whippreck 0% (0 of 9) 99/02/21: SuperBrawl Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan 1.1 $5.27 1.89 * * 1/2 * * * 1/4 Rey Misterio Jr. vs. Kevin Nash Scott Steiner vs. Diamond Dallas Page 0% (0 of 9) 99/01/17: Souled Out Bill Goldberg vs. Scott Hall Ric Flair & David Flair vs. Curt Hennig & Barry Windham 0.78 $3.64 1.83 * 1/2 * * * * Billy Kidman vs. Rey Misterio Jr. vs. Juventud Guerrera vs. Psicosis 11.1% (1 of 9) Last 6 0.46 $2.2 1.40 1.29 3.54 1.9% (1 of 52) 1999 0.6 $2.84 1.55 1.53 3.56 2.5% (2 of 79) 1998 0.93 $3.96 1.54 1.73 3.73 4.5% (5 of 111) Show Data Match Rating Data Show Details Buy Rate Gross Mean Median Peak % >= * * * * ECW 99/09/19: Anarchy Rulz Masato Tanaka vs. Taz 0.2 $0.42 1.875 * * * 1/4 * * * 3/4 Mike Awesome vs. Taz vs. Masato Tanaka 0.0% (0 of 8) 99/07/18: Heatwave Taz vs. Yoshihiro Tajiri Rob van Dam & Jerry Lynn vs. Lance Storm & Justin Credible 0.2 $0.42 2.125 * * 1/4 * * * 3/4 Rob van Dam & Jerry Lynn vs Lance Storm & Justin Credible 0.0% (0 of 6) 99/05/16: Hardcore Heaven 0.2 $0.42 1.75 * * 3/4 * * * * 1/4 Rob van Dam vs. Jerry Lynn 12.5% (1 of 8) 99/03/21: Living Dangerously Taz vs. Sabu 0.2 $0.42 1.53 * * * * 1/2 Rob van Dam vs. Jerry Lynn Taz vs. Sabu 0.0% (0 of 8) 99/01/10: Guilty As Charged Shane Douglas vs. Taz 0.2 $0.42 1.68 * * 1/2 * * * 1/2 Yoshihiro Tajiri vs. Super Crazy 0.0% (0 of 7) Last 6 0.2 $0.42 1.90 2.75 3.92 4.5% (1 of 22) 1999 0.2 $0.42 1.40 2.17 3.58 2.3% (1 of 43) 1998 0.23 $0.43 1.56 1.5 3.00 3.7% (1 of 27) Longer-term data is available. The data now runs back to 1991. - WCW has Souled Out on 01/16/00. - The WWF has Royal Rumble on 01/23/00. - The WWF has No Way Out on 02/27/00. - The WWF has WrestleMania on 04/02/00. - The WWF has Backlash on 04/30/00. - The WWF has Judgment Day on 05/21/00. - The WWF has King of the Ring on 06/25/00. - The WWF has Fully Loaded on 07/23/00. ______________________________________________________________________ Thanks to: Masaki Aso. ______________________________________________________________________ If you have any feedback regarding my web pages, please send me e-mail. Don't forget to delete the leading "x" from my e-mail address; that "x" is my web spider spam guard. ______________________________________________________________________