______________________________________________________________________ I do not offer subscriptions to a mailing list! I do not e-mail images! ______________________________________________________________________ - The WWF had SummerSlam this past Sunday, 08/22/99. Since the show was better than WCW's Road Wild the week before, and that show was a definite thumbs down, I think there's going to be a tendency among fans who compare show quality to give SummerSlam a thumbs up. If I taped your eyelids open, subjected you to hours upon hours of Paul Wight matches, and then showed you a Kane match, you would mistakenly think, like so many of my readers apparently do, that Kane was this "Jushin Liger" you'd heard so much about. Anyhow, this was definitely a thumbs in the middle kind of PPV, IMO, really bordering the down side when you think about it. It had one horribly bad and funny match, a lot of effort throughout, but nothing stellar. Like the majority of guys in WCW, it seems like the WWF roster is geared towards creating memorable spots and not memorable matches. I can't get into spot wrestling, because almost anybody crazy enough to take the risk can do it. Before the PPV, they had a live Heat show. Because the Blue Jays baseball game went long, CTV SportsNet, which carries Heat in Canada, joined the show fifteen minutes in. Boy, did we miss a lot. Heat was a one-hour commercial for the PPV, true sports entertainment, 'cause I saw no sign of wrestling. When Smackdown debuts, Heat will apparently become an entertainment news magazine, which means that we won't be so far behind in the fall: we gain two hours of WWF TV that I guess we have to watch, but we lose one. Maybe SportsNet will drop Heat when the ratings drop and pick up Calgary Stampede's TV show, which starts shortly. At the end of Heat, Chyna came out with Hunter Hearst Helmsley. I guess she forgave him for that "she's just a girl" remark and for knocking her out of the number one contender situation. If they did a reconciliation interview, you'd think it would have been important enough to air it again at some time before the PPV main event, but I didn't see it. It left me thinking that Chyna was stupid. Oh well, here's the rundown: * Jeff Jarrett beat D'Lo Brown to win the Intercontinental & European Titles: The match was built around a scheming story line. Jarrett send Debra to the back before D'Lo came out, so D'Lo hooked up with Debra and came out with her. Between shots of Debra's breasts early on, we saw a match. D'Lo is great, but I was annoyed to see near falls one-minute in with the wrestlers acting like it was the 18-minute mark of a 20-minute match. Anyhow, JJ caught D'Lo, knocked him out of the ring with a dropkick, hit a baseball slide, and then tossed D'Lo into the steps. The referee followed the wrestlers outside instead of counting them out. Jim Ross called these guys "kids," which I guess makes me a kid too. Jarrett did a weird-looking armbreaker off the ropes. At the five-minute mark, the fans wondered what this wrestling stuff was, so they started chanting for puppies. D'Lo: tilt-a-whirl, heel kick, leg drop, two count. Belly-to-back, frog splash. Nope, the frog splash turned into a somersaulting "moonsault-like maneuver" in JR's technical parlance, hitting the mat. Mark Henry ran in to save D'Lo from a guitar shot. Oh, wait, he whacked D'Lo with the guitar. Jarrett got the pin and both titles. Debra left with JJ, as well. Match ran 7:34. It was a good opener. * Edge & Christian beat Hardy Boyz: We entered a sequence of tag matches to determine the number one contenders for the titles, with a tag title match on RAW the next night. They told us that a draw had been done and that these two teams were first. It was disappointing at first that this match ran only 5:03, but, in hindsight, it seemed like these guys were really spotty, so a longer match would have seemed pretty disjointed, I think. They drew one minute of heat on Christian before he hot tagged Edge. Christian did a tope on Gangrel, who accompanied his "New Brood" to the ring. Matt Hardy followed that with a tope of his own on everybody. Christian won the match with a top rope elbow. Really spotty, but good for what it was. * Edge & Christian beat Mideon & Viscera: Suddenly, it became a RAW show, with this match running 2:10. Viscera splashed Mideon by mistake, with Mideon being pinned shortly thereafter. * Edge & Christian beat Droz & Prince Albert: A whopping 1:51. Droz was knocked out of the ring, and Christian hit a plancha on him. Christian tripped Albert who was trying a power move on Edge, with Edge getting the cover and the pin. * The Acolytes beat Edge & Christian: This went 4:54, with a headlock spot in the middle so everybody could rest. Believe it or not, the crowd actually reacted okay to that headlock spot, chanting for Edge instead of that mysterious wrestler called Boring. Christian was crotched on the top rope, but still hit a Tornado DDT on Bradshaw. He didn't sell the crotch shot at all after the initial grimace, but that sort of stuff is par for the course for the WWF. No wonder people don't understand me when I say the Rock can't sell. The Hollies ran out, apparently thinking it was over, but the Acolytes still had to clothesline Christian for the pin. * The Acolytes beat Bob Holly & Crash Holly: The Hollies argued with each other. That gimmick is dying a silent death. All four guys were in for the first minute. Crash tagged in off Bob's shoulder. Bob did the same sort of blind tag. The Hollies fought. Crash was dumped. Bob met with a spinebuster. The match was over in 3:00. This meant that the Acolytes would get a tag title shot on RAW the next night. This set of matches definitely had more low points than hight points. Christian seems like he could be a great worker, but we'll never know in this setting. The first match in the set seemed indyish, if you get my drift. * Road Dogg & Chris Jericho traded verbal barbs. I guess that means Dogg is Jericho's first program. * Al Snow beat Big Boss Man to win the hardcore title: Road Dogg called the match while walking around with the two wrestlers. Snow put Pepper into a "pet taxi" cage. When they brawled to the back immediately, the camera shot showed that the cage was empty, but everybody from the wrestlers in the match to Dogg to the commentators acted like Pepper was in the cage. It was embarrassing. Boss Man even yelled at Snow before hitting him with the cage and tossing hit across the room. The commentators & Dogg all acted like Pepper might have been seriously hurt. It was pathetic. Speaking of which, they walked across the street. They destroyed some patio furniture at a bar and went into the bar. Boss Man hit Snow with the yellow pages. The people in the bar chanted for "Head." Shouldn't they be chanting for "Pepper?" They used a broomstick and wandered into the washroom. They used a urinal cake. Snow moonsaulted Boss Man through a table. Road Dogg nailed Boss Man, who fell onto a pool table and Snow got the pin at 7:30. Across the road, Snow attacked Stevie Richards & Blue Meanie because they apparently had Pepper; well, that's what the commentators led us to believe. This was just a horrible match, like pretty much every hardcore match without Mick Foley seems to be (including hardcore matches in WCW). That makes the hardcore stuff seem like a great idea: we really needed more ways for the promotions to deliver to us really bad matches. * Ivory beat Tori to retain the women's title: This match came on after the latest wwf.com commercial, in which a businessman sends a blind man out into traffic so that he can be run over. WWF, get it! Anyhow, Jim Ross said, "This will probably not be your classic scientific match up." Ah, Ross, ever the understater. Jerry Lawler reported that Pepper wasn't in the cage. Hmmm, so where was he? There was absolutely no crowd reaction for this match, which the commentators credited to the "unique" hardcore match that preceded it. The match was called very loudly; we could hear all kinds of conversation. Tori delivered some really lame kicks and a dropkick to the midsection. They went to the corner and called some more spots. They did the requisite hair drags. Ivory signalled for the giant swing and did barely two revolutions. Tori hit a lame spear, which JR called "Edgelike." Lawler questioned that description. They blew so many moves in this match, it was actually really entertaining to watch, in that morbid rubbernecking kind of way. Even the finish was blown. Tori hit a sunset flip off the ropes, and, the first time, Ivory lost her balance and went down for a two count. They got to their feets and redid the spot, with Ivory this time sitting down hard before Tori could even get to the mat. This match was just horrible. It crossed the line of being so horrible that it was funny to watch, like the King of the Ring Kane vs. Big Slow match. Afterwards, Ivory tried to rip Tori's clothes off, but Luna ran in for the save. They had to hire Luna back because they need somebody who can work, I guess. The crowd popped for the strip spot, but nothing else. Match ran 4:11. They showed no replays from the match. * Ken Shamrock beat Steve Blackman in a Lion's Den weapons match: Blackman had nunchakus tucked into the back of his tights, pulling them out for sneaky offense early on. Shamrock hit a dragon screw leg whip. Shamrock's cool. Shamrock tossed the nunchakus out of the ring. Thank goodness, 'cause JR kept calling them "numchucks." Various sticks were pulled into the cage. This was boring. The crowd chanted "Blackman sucks!", which seemed pretty accurate. Shamrock used the cage, springing off of it for the one aerial move in the match. Finally, they traded some moves. But one minute of that wrestling stuff was enough. Blackman hit an enzuigiri, kind of. Blackman got his stick and whacked Shamrock. Then he walked around forever before hitting Shamrock again. The crowd told him he sucked. The commentators questioned why he didn't leave the cage; they had said that the first person out was the winner. Oooops, broken telephone: the winner had to knock out the loser. Shamrock hit a belly-to-belly and some more shots to KO Blackman and win the match at 8:55, having never left the cage but still being announced as the winner. At this point, the last three matches had been pretty bad and the commentators had looked uncharacteristically foolish. Yet I somehow decided the show deserved a thumbs in the middle? I think I'm easier on the WWF. * Test beat Shane in the 90210 match: Test was attacked earlier on on Heat, so he came out with his ribs bandaged. Good thing they put those bandages on over his ring outfit. Heaven forbid, they actually wrap his ribs and he puts his outfit over top to protect the protection. JR called Shane "an amazing young athlete" even though we've never seen him do anything athletic. This was a street fight. The injured Posse members came out, looking like the three monkeys in a "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil" knickknack. One had a neck brace, one had a leg cast, and one had an arm cast. Since Shane was in this match, and, to a lesser degree, Test was in the match, you knew it wasn't going to have any wrestling in it. So, maybe that made it easier to laugh at the story line elements, 'cause that was all this match was going to deliver, right? The Posse sat on a couch at ringside, in a special section. The match consisted of garbagy brawling. Shane was press slammed onto the Posse. The Posse attacked Test. Test was whacked with objects. Shane smacked a picture of the Posse over Test's head, with the glass side pointing up, so glass blew back into his face. He tried a "corkscrew moonsault" on Test, but missed. I guess trying that spot makes him "an amazing young athlete." Hey, pretty much anybody reading this could practice that move into a swimming pool a dozen times and deliver an equivalent performance, you amazing young athletes, you! Powerbomb for a two on Shane. There was a horribly-timed missed kick to the referee. It was so bad that Lawler saying Test kicked the referee intentionally seemed to be the only legitimate explanation. Test used weapons on Shane. The Posse attacked Test, putting him on the Spanish commentary table. Shane did an elbow off the top, getting incredible height for the bump. They replayed it numerous times from different angles, as it was clearly meant to be the spot of the match, if all else failed. Maybe that made him "an amazing young athlete," even though that spot required just about 0 seconds of training and 0 ounces of athleticism. They were tossed back in the ring, with Shane getting a two count. Pete Gas nailed Shane. Abs pulled Shane to safety. Rodney hit a cast shot on Test for a two count. Jerry Brisco & Pat Patterson ran out to beat up the Posse. Test disposed of Abs. Shane speared the post by mistake. Test used a pump handle, power slam, and a top rope elbow for the pin at 12:10. Stephanie, who had been watching the match backstage, ran out to hug Test. JR said "There's some love here, King." Let me hear an amen! You know, I get e-mail from people who try to argue that Shane is a better wrestler than any actual wrestler. Please don't send me those e-mails. Please. * Big Slow & Undertaker beat Kane & X-Pac to win the Tag Titles: Kane had new ring attire. Big Slow is just the worst on the planet. Kane may have lost weight and gotten into great shape, but he still can't connect with a clothesline. There was a short heat segment on X-Pac before the tag to Kane. X-Pac attacked Undertaker outside, and Undertaker sold for him for a few seconds. There's a difference between the WWF and WCW. Sigh. Undertaker went for a chokeslam on the floor on X-Pac, but Kane plucked X-Pac out of Undertaker's lift. The pieces of this match with Kane vs. Big Slow were really bad. Yeah, Slow shoulders more of the blame, but still... X-Pac was so great he made Undertaker seem passable and even made Slow tolerable. X-Pac was crotched into the post. Slow head butted X-Pac's crotch, leaving so much air visible that JR had to say that "he didn't get all of it." Man, he sucks. X-Pac: low blow on Slow, go, go, go. Low blow on Undertaker. Tag to Kane. Kane "hit" a series of bad clotheslines. X-Pac posted Undertaker. Kane & Slow did their thing. X-Pac did the bronco buster on Slow. Slow popped up immediately, embarrassed by the bronco buster said JR. Come on, JR, if his total lack of self-discipline and quality doesn't embarrass him, would a little bronco buster? Choke slam for a two count only, because of the arrogant cover by Slow. Undertaker tagged himself in, hit a tombstone, and got the three count at 12:04. Afterwards, Undertaker looked upset at Slow for his lazy cover. * Rocky Maivia beat Billy Gunn in a "kiss my ass" match: Gunn came out with a shrouded person, who turned out to be an overweight woman. He was going to make Rock kiss this woman's ass if Rock lost. This was a garbagy match that I thought showed that neither guy was anywhere near the level that some people think they are at. They walked. Hey, did you think this match wouldn't have some garbage? Shame on you. Sell for a second, then get up the same as always and walk around. They walked back to the ring. Gunn whipped Rock into the steps. Gunn's punches looked so bad, particularly at this point in the match. They walked to the commentary table. Rock drank water and spit it on Gunn. Gunn hit Rock with the bell. The referee followed them around instead of counting them out. I guess "kiss my ass" matches have no count out. Gunn choked Rock. Rock's selling at this point was just awesome, he wrote sarcastically. No worse for wear, Rock rallied. Gunn hit a neckbreaker on Rock. The crowd was into Rock, and, like Austin and Hogan before him, he could do no wrong, even though he did little. Gunn draped Rock over the apron and elbowed him. The "Rock" chant brought Rock back, but Gunn hit a bulldog to take control again. Gunn did a Stinger splash. Rock looked angry; that's his selling, I guess. Rock hit his float over DDT. Punches from Rock. A sloppy neckbreaker. Two count. Interesting that JR commented on sloppiness all night except when it was Rock. Gunn hit his famouser. He called the fat woman in. She lifted her dress to reveal a hole in her pantyhose. Gunn tried to shove Rock's face into her butt, but Rock turned it around. JR: "The Rock just put Billy Gunn's face in that large woman's ass." Gunn acted like he couldn't go on. Rock Bottom. Elbow. Pin at 12:04. Gunn didn't have to kiss Rock's butt. I guess they decided that the stipulation was too gay, so they came up with this. * Mankind beat Steve Austin & Hunter Hearst Helmsley to win the WWF Title: Jesse Ventura was the referee; before the match, he did a defiant interview for his critics. Match started with a double team attack on Hunter Hearst Helmlsey. Mankind wanted to shake hands with Austin, but Austin kicked him. They started walking. HHH chaired Austin, but Jesse missed it. That made it HHH vs. Mankind for a little while. Since Austin & Mankind are both not ready for full matches, as I feared, the booking of this match eliminated one of those two in turn, with HHH having to be the glue that held this thing together. It should be no surprise, then, that I found it wanting. Chyna crotched Mankind on the post. Jesse ejected her. HHH went down the aisle with Jesse and Chyna to complain about her ejection. HHH saw Austin come running down the aisle and blatantly positioned himself so he could be bowled over when we all knew that he knew that Austin was coming. Sigh. HHH & Mankind attacked Austin. Mankind went for a somersault off the apron on HHH, but HHH moved. HHH chaired Mankind in the ring. Jesse wouldn't count the fall, just like the referees in those old AJW matches wouldn't count falls due to cheating. Wow, I've always wanted to compare a WWF match to an AJW match without being negative. Shane ran in to lecture Jesse on the art of being an unbiased referee. Shane took a badly choreographed stunner from Austin. Jesse dumped Shane out. In the ring, Austin & HHH were both laid out, so Jesse counted them down even though Mankind was crouching in the corner. Mankind sockoed both for a second. Jesse counted everybody down again, even though Mankind was on his knees. I guess he was ignoring Mankind on purpose since nobody expected Mankind to win. I dunno. Stunner on HHH, but Mankind saved. Pedigree on Austin, but Mankind saved. Mankind hit the DDT for the pin at 16:22. HHH chaired Austin's leg to give Austin a vacation. Chyna held off the referee. Jesse & Mankind were long gone. It's no secret that they wanted Jesse to come out of this match as a babyface. That would happen if he raised a babyface's hand or if he decked a heel. That meant that if HHH won, he'd have to take a bump right afterward for Jesse, which would spoil his moment, I guess. It has also been widely reported that Austin refused to lie down for HHH and that the bookers didn't want Austin to lose the title without losing. In any case, any idiot could figure that HHH would win the title the next night on RAW because Mankind can't work any sort of schedule yet. Tally time: 85:44 of bell-to-bell wrestling, or just about half of the broadcast time. RAW RAW on 08/16/99 was a taped show. The show opened, expectedly, with Hunter Hearst Helmsley coming out to whine about the injustice that came his way at the PPV the night before. It came down to HHH putting an armlock on Jim Ross, threatening to break his arm unless Mankind gave him a title shot. Mankind came out and agreed, provided that HHH released the hold. HHH "broke" JR's arm anyhow, so Mankind retracted his title shot promise. But Shane McMahon came out -- he makes the matches in the WWF tonight because Shawn Michaels isn't here; that's what he said -- bingo, HHH had a title shot again. Strangely enough, when I responded to e-mail earlier in the day, I told people that HHH would go over Mankind for the title on RAW. Sigh. In an Owen Hart lawsuit response, Michael Cole came out to do commentary, saying that business must go on. Wow, whether it's a fake injury or a real death. What a professional operation. Anyhow, Road Dogg came out to the ring, only to be attacked by Al Snow. They had a hardcore title match. Hardcore stuff just sucks. Snow tried to do a leg drop off a ladder onto a table, but amateur-hour kicked in and it looked just horrible. Chris Jericho ran out to attack Road Dogg, who punched him to the back. I guess that's Jericho's first program. Boss Man ran out to attack Snow and ran off with Pepper in the "Pet Taxi." He got in a car and drove off with the dog. Word has hit he was going to meeting with the Islanders, to mate Pepper with Matilda. Hey, the more things change, the more they stay the same. Snow chased the car out of the arena, so the hamstring injury that he sold during the flubbed ladder spot wasn't serious. Back from a commercial, everybody was worried about Pepper. Match ran maybe 2:50. Kane & X-Pac came out. X-Pac has enough charisma to carry this big red stiff beside him. Obviously, I'm still not sold on Kane. Yeah, Kane & X-Pac were out to do guest commentary. That seemed like it wouldn't lead to anything, right? Undertaker & Big Slow faced Acolytes in a Tag Title match. Oh man, this seemed like a wonderful foursome. A fan behind the commnetary table had a sign that was outdated; he wanted Ahmed Johnson to leave wrestling, I think, 'cause the sign said "RESIGN AHMED JOHNSON." I know, I know. Kane sat there with headphones on, even though he didn't say anything. You know a match is sad when the best worker in the ring is Ron Simmons. Of course, X-Pac & Kane started brawling with the guys in the match. X-Pac was choke slammed. Kane was chaired. The others all walked out. Kane's work has improved so much because he takes a stiff chair shot. I'm just looking for reasons. Match had no decision, running 1:39. Test & Stephanie were backstage, and Test had a surprise for her. Oh my goodness, what could it be? I'm so glad that we still get to see into their relationship. We might have concluded that the PPV match ended their arc. No such luck. In the commercial break, Val Venis informed us that we could get a free WWF dog tag if we bought a WWF t-shirt at Zellers. Hold me back. As a family, we can count on one hand the number of times we've been into Zellers, and opportunity is not the issue, but this offer, this offer may just be the final straw! Blue Meanie & Stevie Richards appeared in Blair Witch Project spoof called the Blonde Bytch Project. This will continue on Smackdown on Thursday. Test came to the ring, with new ring announcer Lilian Garcia introducing him. Test explained that he suffered the attacks of Shane McMahon for one reason only. He said he wanted to pop a question and called Stephanie out. "How can you not have a chill at this moment?" asked Michael Cole. Shane McMahon ran out as Stephanie entered the ring. Shane said that this relationship would only continue over his dead body. Test started to attack him. Stephanie stopped her hunk of manhood. Stephanie said she loves Andrew. He asked her to marry him. She said she loves him but she needs some time. Shane & Test stared down. The crowd chanted "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!" Oh, wrong show. Can you believe that this segment will draw a better rating than whatever is opposite it on Nitro, probably getting double the rating? It goes to show you that over characters are important, and the WCW braintrust has done everything it can to make sure that the midcarders that fill these timeslots on Nitro don't get over. Chris Jericho did another great segment, talking backstage with Howard Finkel, who is the WWF's version of Ralphus. Jeff Jarrett & Debra came to the ring, accompanied by Mark Henry. Mark Henry! Yeah, get him into the tag picture ASAP. Mark Henry & Kane vs. Undertaker & Big Slow! Jeff Jarrett gave the European Title to Mark Henry. Jeff Jarrett announced that he has hired a personal assistant, Miss Kitty, for Debra. Yay, another blonde bimbo with fake breasts and bleached hair. The women seemed to like each other. Hey, not that way. At least not yet. Meat faced Mark Henry. Wow, a wrestling match. Okay, a sports entertainment match. Ha, fooled you. D'Lo Brown attacked Meat backstage, hitting him with garbage cans and the like. So, D'Lo Brown came out to face Henry. D'Lo is enjoyable. The tech team switched camera angles as necessary to make things a bit better than usual. Jarrett ran in for the DQ at 0:59. The heels scurried away. Jerry Lawler was twice as annoying during this segment because he could talk about puppies and kitty. Aren't you surprised they didn't call her Miss Pussy. Backstage, Chyna signed an open contract to face Jarrett for the IC Title. That was it for the first hour: 5:28 of wrestling. No wonder I get e-mail from so many people each week asking me how I can have the stomach to watch these shows every week in the hope of seeing some good wrestling. Rock came out. Oh, he didn't even get to do an interview. That's the best part of his act, damn it. Ha, fooled ya. Of course, they let Rock work the microphone. Gangrel faced Rock. Gangrel came out with the Hardy Boyz, er, the New Breed, I mean New Brood. Rock's selling was weak in this match. Watch and see and don't e-mail me about it. Rock dumped Gangrel and hit a pescado. Yeah, keep dreaming; like Rock is going to add a dimension to his act. The New Brood laid out Rock outside. The Old Brood chased the New Brood backstage. God, I mean Rock hit his trademark moves, with the crowd popping like crazy. Hey, Hulk Hogan drew great reactions in the 1980s and we all (okay, most of us) criticized his work. No, Rock isn't as bad as Hogan was. Rock pinned Gangrel at 4:33. After the match, Rock said he was tired of fighting Billy Gunn & Gangrel, that the people chant his name for a reason, that he wanted a title shot, that he would take matters into his own hands. Hey, isn't that a line for Meat to use? Tori was interviewed. On Smackdown, Tori faces Ivory in an evening gown match. Howard Finkel came out, imitating the Ultimate Warrior because Jericho had told him he was a warrior. Howard believed in Chris Jericho. He challenged Road Dogg to come out. They traded barbs and shoves. The Y2J countdown came up. Good thing the guys in the booth know to cue that stuff. Jericho came into the ring from behind, ambushing Road Dogg. Jericho did a double power bomb on Dogg, spit on him, and walked off with Howard. Backstage, Al Snow acted tormented because he lost his Pepper. Billy Gunn was looking for Chyna because he was upset that she tricked him so that she could get the shot at Jarrett. Gunn bumped into HHH, who was in his civvies. I'm just noting that HHH, who had a world title shot in a half-hour, sure didn't seem to be too concerned about preparing for it. Boby Holly faced Crash Holly in a battle of the superheavyweights. They brawled through the crowd and ended up in a tech area. The commentators told us that that was the sound area. How do those guys know to cue the music for wrestlers who run-in, etc.? Well, they walked, walked, and walked some more. They went outside. While the camera crew made it's way outside, we cut to Kevin Kelly, who told us that Steve Austin suffered severe knee damaged at the PPV. Mankind cut a promo. We went to a commercial. Those camera men move slowly, I guess. Match (?) ran 2:52. Back from a commercial, we saw Al Snow crying. Undertaker & Big Slow came out. What happened with the Hollies? UT & Slow were out to do guest commentary. Uh, who could be wrestling? Sure enough. Kane & X-Pac came out. The new ring announcer told us that this match was scheduled for "one round...one fall." I'm glad they did such a careful hiring job. Kane & X-Pac faced Viscera & Mideon. Undertaker told Big Slow that "these guys don't have half your talent," in reference to Viscera and Mideon. I think there's actually a Calculus question in there somewhere. Early on in my Calculus course this fall, I'll be talking about sequences of real numbers. For example, if a sequence of positive numbers a_n, n=1,2,3,..., satisfies a_{n+1}<(a_n)/2 for each n, prove that for any epsilon > 0 there exists an N such that a_N < epsilon. That seems simple, and is, but it actually played a key role for the Greeks, who used that result to deal with circles. You can connect that result fairly easily to the areas of polygons inscribed in circles, getting to the result that there is an inscribed polygon with area as close to the area of the circle as desired. Archimedes used these arguments to find upper and lower approximations to pi, a number that fascinated the Greeks. Anyhow, that was a neat way for me to avoid talking about this match. Viscera & Mideon won in 4:17. How's that for a depressing result? Hey, since the second hour of RAW isn't watched by children, they aired a super soaker commercial. Chris Jericho told Howard that the new WWF show would be called Thursday Night Finkdown. Billy Gunn came out. He called out Chyna. Chyna came out to HHH's music. I'm still wondering why they are back together. Chyna's voice is so scary. Billy told her to give him her match against Jarrett. Jarrett ran in and guitared Chyna. Billy Gunn took a second guitar from Miss Kitty and whacked Jarrett. No IC Title match tonight. Since we had so many other great matches this night, that seemed alright. Mankind faced HHH for the WWF Title. HHH wears a gay chainmail vest similar to what Perry Saturn used to wear. Rock was at ringside doing guest commentary. Shane McMahon was the referee. Add the fact that Mick Foley isn't ready to return to the ring, and you'll see where this one went. Mankind sockoed McMahon. Mankind backdropped his way out of the pedigree and hit the socko claw on HHH. Chyna ran out, looking no worse for wear after having just been laid out with a guitar. Earl Hebner ran in to count, with speed comparable to his Montreal ring exit. Rock complained that they spilled soda on his shoe when they brawled near the commentary table. That was Rock's best moment of the night. Socko was tossed in the crowd, and Jerry Lawler said that that move would not be a factor in the match. Okay. In-ring, the match was okay, the only real match of the night on RAW in that regard. They both tumbled out. Chyna distracted the ref. Why Chyna would still support HHH must be one of the "get it" things that just isn't isn't clicking with me. Shane recovered and chaired Mankind, who no-sold it. HHH chaired him too. HHH chaired Rock. Shane decked Earl Hebner. Pedigree. Cover, three count. And his first issue will be with Rock, I would guess. Match ran 8:43 The crowd didn't buy HHH as champion just a few seconds after his win. This is going to be a hard sell. Tally time: 25:53 of bell-to-bell wrestling. Nitro Nitro on 08/23/99 was the usual live show, back in its usual 3:00pm EST Wednesday afternoon timeslot on TSN. The main event this night was Sting vs. Hulk Hogan, with rumour having it that Hogan & Eric Bischoff would turn heel. Word now is that the return of the yellow & red ring outfit was meant to be swerve to avoid fans thinking that Hogan was going to turn heel. Despite trying very hard to call Hogan "Hulk Hogan" all last week on Nitro, the initial onscreen graphic hyping the main event this night had him listed as "Hollywood" again, so it seemed like we were in for the turn. A turn for the worst, no doubt. Show opened with Mikey Whippreck vs. Chase Tatum. Match was pretty bad, although when Tatum came up short on a dropkick, hitting Mikey's thigh, Mikey at least had the good sense to sell the thigh after he bumped, instead of selling where the dropkick was supposed to hit. Throwing and catching many missed moves in ECW can actually be a form of training, I guess. Before the match could get bad, Sid Vicious strolled out. Oh, that idea was so hot last week, that they decided to use the same formula this week! Yay! I'm sure the ratings from last week show a slow and steady build as fans wondered whether he'd run in on every match, all the while listening to the commentators continue to kill whatever remnant of credibility they had left by counting run-in powerbombs as victories in the undefeated streak of a guy who has been losing matches at house show left, right, and center. This... this, my friends...this is WCW! Sid powerbombed both guys, with Charles Robinson, in ref gear, coming out to hold up his "world record" signs: "67-0" and then "68-0." I think those numbers should actually be a scoreboard to show how many times we've seen him on TV versus how many moves we've seen him do. At least it would be a little more accurate. Sid rambled on. But, hey, it does seem like the fans might be into seeing Sid vs. Goldberg, though, doesn't it? Backstage, Kidman & Kimberly Page touched base, with everything being cool between them. Call it 2:18. Back from a commercial, the commentators told us that DDP had attacked Kidman, or something like that. DDP & Bam Bam Bigelow & Kanyon came to the ring. They did their interview shtick. This crowd was pretty hot, so they got a much better response as usual. DDP talked down Kidman and moved right on to Goldberg, challenging him to a match this night. The crowd reacted alright in no small part because he mentioned Goldberg. Sting came out for an interview. Tony Schiavone reminded us that Sting would face "Hulk Hogan" tonight. Hmmm, not "Hollywood." KISS would debut the KISS Warrior tonight as well, said Tony. Wow, it really does get better every week. Don't miss a minute. Skip a whole half-hour; it really doesn't make a difference. Sting put Hogan over in his interview, saying that he got the title shot out of the goodness of Hogan's heart. As he was telling Hogan that he shouldn't be overconfident, out came Lex Luger. Ah, a heel friend for Hogan. Two turns are better than one. Luger finally explained what that press conference was about. Yeah, right. He explained where Liz was. Yeah, right. Nope, he was just there to support Sting, his friend (until he turns), and to tell Sting not to trust "Hollywood Hogan." Oooh, I couldn't see through that at all. At least it was reasonably well done, even if it was hardly original. Ah ha, here came Eric Bischoff driving a humvee. Well, they actually plan to connect up some story lines finally. Now just don't go looking for holes. Mike Tenay said that talk on the net was that Eric Bischoff was going to be WCW prez again, but Eric played that down. Oh, BTW, the plan for the humvee driver before Road Wild was to shock everybody by having the Macho Man announce that it was Carmen Electra. She was offered a sweet deal to appear on Nitro and do a run-in the PPV match to lead to Rodman's loss, but turned down the offer. Apparently, the braintrust was secure enough that she would agree that Savage did those interviews announcing that he would reveal the identity on Nitro. Anyhow, now it looks to be Bischoff. And for those keeping track, Randy Savage has injured Charles Robinson, Juventud Guerrera, and Evan Karagis with his elbow drop. Ernest Miller challenged Buff Bagwell to a match. The two wrestlers actually had a legit scuffle before their PPV match because Buff went to Kevin Nash to complain about the planned finish for that match (Buff losing), eventually getting it changed to Buff going over. Don't feel sorry for Miller, though. The Observer reports that Miller's onscreen persona is pretty much his real personality. Man, Miller sucks. He doesn't any non-basic wrestling moves. He missed a few elbow drops, with Buff finally rallying. They did a sloppy neckbreaker that was still better than the one in the Rock vs. Billy Gunn PPV match. Lex Luger came down to ringside. Oh, swerve time. Luger chased Onno away from the ring. Buff hit the blockbuster for the pin at 3:38. Diamond Dallas Page came out to face Goldberg. Kanyon was with DDP. "You love me, you hate me, you wonder why I get so much mic time." DDP call out Goldberg. Hey, Goldberg is actually the only part of "Universal Soldier: The Return" that is getting good reviews. I saw some reviews compare him to Jesse Ventura in "Predator." Bam Bam Bigelow attacked Goldberg from behind. Goldberg ran to the ring and beat the tar out of Kanyon & Bam Bam, with DDP running away. Goldberg said he'd face DDP next week. Wow, they finally figured out the way that fans would like to see Goldberg used. Hey, cut them some slack; it is pretty complicated. It looked like Kanyon suffered an arm or shoulder injury from his scary spear bump. They aired a video for "Good Old Boys," the new song by the West Texas Rednecks. They played up a line about liking their pick-up truck, and long-legged country girls who know how to love. That may be cute, but somebody should explain why they had to leave behind "Rap is Crap." Juventud Guerrera faced Lenny Lane for the cruiserweight title. Match was pretty good, although you've got to wonder what happened to Juvi in 1999. He was a workrate god building to the year-end of 1998 and now he doesn't get any TV time. And when he does they make sure to put him in his place. Could it have anything to do with him getting over last year? I dunno, just asking. This time around, just in case you wondering whether the cruiserweight division was an important piece of the WCW pie, that was cleared up for you: Sid came out, after avoiding the heavyweight matches that preceded this, to powerbomb everybody and up his count. Can you believe that they let this match run 8:17 with that finish in mind? Oy! Sid then talked for-friggin-ever. At least Kane never talks. Oh, but there's Undertaker. And why does WCW spell "millennium" with one "n?" Curt Hennig & The West Texas Rednecks performed "Good Old Boys." Curt Hennig talked about Chad Brock and the other musical guests that that WCW has had. When he mentioned KISS, there was a mild pop, as all 50 people that saw the KISS movie seemed to be in attendance. During the song, I saw ghosts of Jimmy Hart. Hugh Morrus & Brian Knobs & Barbarian faced Dean Malenko & Perry Saturn & Shane Douglas. They actually found a couple of "Revolution" signs in the crowd. Shane Douglas reminds me of the WWF's Rock. His best moments have been on interviews, and in the ring he's uninspired. Dean was worked over for a chunk of the match, hitting a couple of comeback or surprise pin attempts, before hitting the tag to Saturn. That led to everybody coming in, Jimm Hart distracting Saturn, but Saturn rallying to lay out Knobs for the obvious pin. Rick Steiner snuck in, though, hitting a top rope bulldog on Saturn, who was pinned by Knobs at 4:47. Chris Benoit appeared a few seconds too late and challenged Rick Steiner to a match, offering the US Title. Insane Clown Posse faced Rey Misterio Jr. & Billy Kidman. ICP had Vampiro with them. I hate matches that feature nonwrestlers. ICP did their usual indy-looking stuff. Rey & Kidman are incredible. Schiavone called Rey's rough rider a "bronco buster maneuver." Rey did a somersault tope that didn't really connect. Kidman went up for the shooting star press, but Vampiro interfered. Thank goodness that that interference didn't pan out, with Kidman pinning an ICP guy at 4:23. Eddie Guerrero came in immediately to stop the postmatch attack. Eddie challenged Vampiro. Hey, they finally figured out that they should pluck a singles match out of this six-man situation. Gene Okerlund interviewed Hulk Hogan. Hogan limped to the ring; what a trooper, delivering bad matches while injured instead of healing up first to deliver bad matches. Hogan pointed out that "there is a straight line between two points." Hey, he's a master of geometry! Hogan talked about his son and played it total babyface. He gave his word that he wouldn't stab Sting in the back. Rick Steiner faced Chris Benoit for the US Title. Schiavone was quick to point out that Benoit & Saturn would face Sid & Steiner on Thunder, which probably foreshadowed the ending of this match. They started with a flurry of punches, with Schiavone sadly calling that "bigtime wrestling toe-to-toe." Finally, Benoit hit a german suplex, some kicks and punches, tried for a leapfrog of the ropes, but Rick caught him in a powerslam. Steiner had most of the offense in the match, including whacking Benoit into the guard rail a couple of times. After a shot into the steel steps, they went back into the ring. Thank god they didn't walk around. Benoit rallied with a series of german suplexes. Benoit went for the top rope head butt, but Steiner pulled the referee on top of him, so Benoit hit the ref. Steiner grabbed the US Title to attack Benoit, but Saturn came in for the save. Of course, Sid canme in too. The Revolution members were destroyed a bit here, which hopefully meant good things for Thunder. Call the match 5:50. Harlem Heat defended the WCW Tag Titles against Barry Windham & Kendall Windham. The Rednecks had no heat coming to the ring with that new song. Whoever had the plan came up with one that worked. Stevie Ray is terrible. I watch Harlem Heat and just feel sorry for Booker T, exactly the same way that feel sorry for X-Pac. The Rednecks miscued, Booker hit the axe kick on Kendall, Booker hit a top rope kick, Curt Hennig used snuck in to use the cowbell, and Kendall Windham got the pin to win the titles at 4:32. Oh man, Kendall Windham? El Vampiro Canadiense faced Eddie Guerrero. Hey, this had some promise. Not for ratings, but for quality. Eddie was incredible. There was a substantial size difference, emphasizing just how big Vampiro is. Unlike other big guys, he can work pretty well. They did some good sequences of moves. Eddie hit a superplex and signalled for the frog splash, with ICP showing up. Eddie dove on ICP, but lost his footing so it was scary. With one ICP member distracting the referee, the other climbed on the apron only to crack heads with Eddie. That accident led to Eddie getting pinned by Vampiro at 4:34. Rey & Kidman came in immediately to stop any postmatch attack. Hulk Hogan faced Sting for the WCW Title. They shook hands at the start of the match. Hogan favoured his knee with every motion. "Immediately, the tempers flare!" Thanks, Tony. They traded hammerlock reversals, which is actually pretty to watch with Hogan involved. Sting put an armbar on Hogan. Hogan got a two off a schoolboy. They did a horrible small package, with Hogan reversing it on Sting on the way down, but the commentators missing that completely, instead talking about Hogan's shoulders not being down. Hogan hit some clotheslines and a back suplex. Hey, where's Lex? Hogan could barely move quickly enough for "running" clotheslines. Tony informed us that Sting was "trying to win this thing." Sting raked Hogan's back. Classic, classic wrestling in this match. Sting missed a high elbow drop. Hogan did the three punches. He did a totally lame kick to Sting's guts. This being 1999, a year of garbage wrestling, they left the ring and walked. Sting dumped Hogan on the commentary table. Hogan gently placed, er, slammed Sting on the table. The referee went out with them instead of counting them out. Hogan got a two on Sting after an elbow. Sting rallied with kicks and chops. Sting slammed Hogan and hit a Big Van Crush off the second rope. Sting went to a headlock on Hogan. People that had clicked over to RAW earlier and now clicked back immediately clicked back to RAW. Hogan's arm fell twice, but the finger wagged on the third try. Elbows to the gut "from the master himself," punches, with Sting even bumping, foot to the face, leg drop. No, Sting moved. Good pop. Stinger splash, second one met with a foot to the face, third one met with the turnbuckle. Sid Vicious & Rick Steiner ran in to spoil the match at 11:45. Goldberg ran in, and the heels went scurrying. Lex Luger came in. "They really need to do this again," said Tony. Hogan promised Sting another shot. It looked like they were trying to establish this face squad, led by Hogan, which would build to Hogan turning in the short-term future, and Luger likely following suit. I would guess that Sting & Goldberg would then be joined by Bret Hart as the opposing headline faces. KISS sang. Brian Adams debuted as KISS Warrior. Tally time: 50:04 of bell-to-bell wrestling. Did I miss something or was Berlyn supposed to debut on this show? - The Observer suggests that the WCW braintrust passed the US Title to Chris Benoit largely because they wanted to get it off of David Flair to remove all Flair cronies from TV. Flair still doesn't want to return to a TV role and has medical support for time off, but the braintrust probably wants to bury him some more. In fact, WCW had already taped a David Flair title defense to air on Thunder that week, but they switched the title on Nitro and edited Thunder instead. - On 08/26/99, I chose to watch Thunder live instead of watching the debut of Smackdown. The reason was based purely on the fact that they had advertised Chris Benoit & Saturn vs. Rick Steiner & Sid. Not that that sounded like a great match or anything, but the booking would reveal something. Early in the show, Sid came out with Rick to do an interview. When Gene Okerlund asked Sid what his current record was, Sid said it didn't matter. But I thought that was his gimmick? Oh boy. And in typical WCW fashion, it seemed like this show was taped at a time before the tag titles were switched at Nitro. So, we ended up seeing half of the tag champions pinned in a six-man by Rey Misterio Jr. They also aired Harlem Heat vs. First Family in a match that was a challenge match for the titles, but was now explained as a match to determine the number one contenders, with the ring entrances carefully removed. In WCW, then, you become number one contenders by beating the former champions instead of pinning the current champions. My head hurts. In the disappointing main event, the old farts sold a bit for the young guys, but the match was really a long heat segment on Benoit before a hot tag. They tried to do a double pin sort of deal, but in the end second referee Charles Robinson counted the pin by Sid on Saturn. Sid then powerbombed Benoit as well, with the remaining Revolution members running in for the save. Deflating. - Despite acknowledging that Steve Austin didn't want to work TV matches with Billy Gunn (not over enough), Jeff Jarrett (not over enough, and, hey, then he couldn't be seen with Debra), and didn't want to drop the WWF Title to HHH at the PPV, and despite reports that Austin wants Debra to have the same schedule as him, WWF sources insisted to the Observer that any conclusions based on these details and others that Austin is becoming a bit unmanageable is far from the truth, painting him instead as a model employee. - The Observer rated the Dennis Rodman vs. Randy Savage match from Road Wild at * 1/4 , which of course means that it came out over two stars better than either Kane vs. Big Slow PPV in the WWF. Somehow I know that will generate more e-mail that I don't want to read. And the women's match from SummerSlam was as bad or worse than those Kane vs. Big Slow matches, IMO. - PPV buy rates, revenue (in millions), and match statistics for the WWF, WCW, and ECW are presented in the following 1999 summary sheet (the PPV draw(s) are listed, as well as the quality matches): Show Data Match Rating Data Show Details Buy Rate Gross Mean Median Peak % >= * * * * WWF 99/07/25: Fully Loaded Steve Austin vs. Undertaker 1.4 $6.7 1.75 * * * * * 3/4 Steve Austin vs. Undertaker 0% (0 of 9) 99/06/27: King of the Ring Steve Austin vs. Vince McMahon vs. Shane McMahon 1.13 $5.41 1 3/4 * * 1/2 Steve Austin vs. Vince McMahon vs. Shane McMahon 0% (0 of 10) 99/05/23: Over The Edge Steve Austin vs. Undertaker 1.1 $5.28 Owen Hart dies 99/04/25: Backlash Steve Austin vs. Rocky Maivia 1.06 $5.09 2.28 * * 1/4 * * * * 1/4 Steve Austin vs. Rocky Maivia 12.5% (1 of 8) 99/03/28: WrestleMania Steve Austin vs. Rocky Maivia 2.3 $12.04 1.13 * 1/4 * * * 1/2 Steve Austin vs. Rocky Maivia 0.0% (0 of 9, no shoot) 99/02/14: St. Valentine's Day Massacre Steve Austin vs. Vince McMahon Mankind vs. Rocky Maivia 1.2 $5.33 1.28 * 1/4 * * * 3/4 Mankind vs. Rocky Maivia 0.0% (0 of 8) 99/01/24: Royal Rumble Mankind vs. Rocky Maivia Royal Rumble 1.57 $6.97 1.83 * 1/2 * * * 3/4 Mankind vs. Rocky Maivia 0.0% (0 of 6) Last 6 1.37 $6.64 1.47 1.5 3.55 2.3% (1 of 44) 1999 1.39 $6.69 1.51 1.5 3.58 2% (1 of 50) 1998 1.02 $4.42 1.60 1.63 3.65 4.0% (4 of 101) Show Data Match Rating Data Show Details Buy Rate Gross Mean Median Peak % >= * * * * WCW 99/07/11: Bash at the Beach Kevin Nash & Sting vs. Randy Savage & Sid Vicious 0.41 1.95 0.75 1/2* * * * 1/2 Chris Benoit & Saturn vs. Diamond Dallas Page & Kanyon & Bam Bam Bigelow 0% (0 of 7) 99/06/13: Great American Bash Kevin Nash vs. Randy Savage 0.43 2.05 0.75 3/4* * * * 1/4 Chris Benoit & Saturn vs. Diamond Dallas Page & Kanyon 0% (0 of 9) 99/05/09: Slamboree Kevin Nash vs. Diamond Dallas Page 0.45 2.15 1.75 * * * * * 1/4 Raven & Saturn vs. Rey Misterio Jr. & Konnan vs. Chris Benoit & Dean Malenko 0% (0 of 9) 99/04/11: Spring Stampede Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan vs. Diamond Dallas Page vs. Sting 0.6 2.86 2.31 * * 1/2 * * * * 1/4 Juventud Guerrera vs. Blitzkrieg 11.1% (1 of 9) 99/03/14: Uncensored Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan 0.73 $3.48 1.83 * * * * * 1/2 Billy Kidman vs. Mikey Whippreck 0% (0 of 9) 99/02/21: SuperBrawl Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan 1.1 $5.27 1.89 * * 1/2 * * * 1/4 Rey Misterio Jr. vs. Kevin Nash Scott Steiner vs. Diamond Dallas Page 0% (0 of 9) 99/01/17: Souled Out Bill Goldberg vs. Scott Hall Ric Flair & David Flair vs. Curt Hennig & Barry Windham 0.78 $3.64 1.83 * 1/2 * * * * Billy Kidman vs. Rey Misterio Jr. vs. Juventud Guerrera vs. Psicosis 11.1% (1 of 9) Last 6 0.62 $2.96 1.55 1.71 3.5 1.9% (1 of 52) 1999 0.64 $3.06 1.59 1.68 3.57 3.2% (2 of 61) 1998 0.93 $3.96 1.54 1.73 3.73 4.5% (5 of 111) Show Data Match Rating Data Show Details Buy Rate Gross Mean Median Peak % >= * * * * ECW 99/01/10: Guilty As Charged Shane Douglas vs. Taz 0.2 $0.42 1.68 * * 1/2 * * * 1/2 Yoshihiro Tajiri vs. Super Crazy 0.0% (0 of 7) Last 6 0.22 $0.42 1.93 2 3.42 5.3% (1 of 19) 1999 0.2 $0.42 1.68 2.5 3.5 0.0% (0 of 7) 1998 0.23 $0.43 1.56 1.5 3.00 3.7% (1 of 27) Longer-term data is available. The data now runs back to 1991. - The WWF has Unforgiven on 09/26/99. - The WWF has No Mercy on 10/17/99. - The WWF has Survivor Series on 11/14/99. - The WWF has Armageddon on 12/12/99. - The WWF has Royal Rumble on 01/23/00. - The WWF has No Way Out on 02/27/00. - The WWF has WrestleMania on 04/02/00. - The WWF has Backlash on 04/30/00. - The WWF has Judgment Day on 05/21/00. - The WWF has King of the Ring on 06/25/00. - The WWF has Fully Loaded on 07/23/00. ______________________________________________________________________ Thanks to: Masaki Aso. ______________________________________________________________________ If you have any feedback regarding my web pages, please send me e-mail. Don't forget to delete the leading "x" from my e-mail address; that "x" is my web spider spam guard. ______________________________________________________________________