______________________________________________________________________ I do not offer subscriptions to a mailing list! I do not e-mail images! ______________________________________________________________________ - WCW had Low Buyrate, er, Bash at the Beach on this past Sunday, 07/11/99. The promotion is in a tailspin, dropping fast. The hype for this PPV hit another level of stupidity on Thunder a few days earlier when Kevin Nash did an interview explaining that his WCW Title would be on the line in the main event tag match and that even Sting could win the title if he pinned Nash. Nobody could make sense of putting Sting in the stipulation, and it was idiotic for Nash to even propose the stipulation with no motivation. There's really no choice other than a thumbs down for this show. WCW tried a few new things, all of them failures. The pre-game show featured unknown WCW personalities hyping the show from the upper reaches of the arena. While it was nice to have a live feel to the pre-game show, the hype wasn't great and the only "stars" that were interviewed live were Kanyon and Buff Bagwell. Worse yet, with this being a live pre-game show, there was really no excuse for these guys hyping match stipulations or elements that didn't take place. WCW also tried to follow the WWF's lead by having longer video packages explain the issue of each match. All this did was take five to eight minutes per match away from the show. The video packages came across as totally unprofessional, with no real editing done. I didn't want to see a lot of these longwinded Nitro skits the first time around and here they went airing them in full again before the match. They could have at least edited things into a more staccato format, using voiceovers to piece together things that weren't well-executed on Nitro. That might give the illusion of competence. They also devoted a lot more time to intros. As a result, the show had just 89 minutes of bell-to-bell wrestling, just over half the show. Sigh. Here's the run-down: * Ernest Miller beat Disco Inferno: Right up until this match, the stipulation was that the loser would no longer be able to dance in the ring. Well, they decided to toss that stipulation, presumably realizing that that is the only thing each guy can do and not knowing how to avoid cutting the legs out from under one of them. That reveals a lot about how well-planned WCW's storylines are. Before the match, Cat challenged Disco to a dance-off, with Cat of course attacking Disco when it was Disco's turn. Disco ducked and got the advantage. Onno got involved. Cat can't do anything and Disco isn't the guy who can hide that fact. Cat finally hit a side kick, but was slow to cover. Disco rallied for a couple of two counts. Cat got his shoe while Sonny distracted the referee. Disco got the shoe, whacked Cat, and got a two count when the referee saw the cover. They did the same routine again, with Cat this time hitting the kick for the pin. Bad bad match, running 7:52. * Rick Steiner beat Van Hammer to retain the TV Title: The video package documenting the reason for this match showed everybody watching how bad Hammer is. And then we got to seem him live. Steiner destroyed him, apparently doing some sort of shooter deal, a la Tank Abbot. Hammer recovered with a low blow. This match was so bad. Hammer hit a chair shot and a top rope clothesline. Steiner kicked him low and hit the top rope bulldog for the pin at 4:54. Horrible. * David Flair beat Dean Malenko to retain the US Title: Torrie Wilson was back with Flair. Was that ever explained? David Flair had Ric, Arn, Torrie, Charles Robinson, and Asya in his corner. Dean Malenko had nobody. It made him look like a dork to come out without any support. Tony Schiavone completely dumped on David Flair, saying he had no ability, etc. Dean put on the cloverleaf in short order but Arn came in and DDTed the referee. Charles Robinson put on the referee's shirt. Dean slammed Asya and put the cloverleaf on her, making him look like a bigger dork since he was in the lion's den and he put on a restrictive submission move. Ric belted him from the behind and put David on top. Charles counted the pin at 2:56. At this point it became clear that WCW was once again going to deliver finish upon finish that its dwindling audience did not want to see. * Rey Misterio Jr. & Konnan & Swole & Brad Armstrong beat Curt Hennig & Bobby Duncum Jr. & Barry Windham & Kendall Windham in an elimination tag: This was turned into an elimination match without any fanfare. The No Limit Soldiers were accompanied by Chase Tatum and another huge black guy who they name "4 by 4." The crowd mostly supported the heels. Who thought that Konnan would lose his heat to Hennig? The crowd barely reacted to Konnan's pre-match shtick and nobody yelled "hootie hoo" for Rey. They looked like idiots. Duncum was eliminated first, about eight minutes into the match. Quickly, then, Brad Armstrong and Kendall Windham were eliminated. They call Brad Armstrong "BA" and joke that those letters could stand for something else. Yay, another reason for WCW to look second rate. I was hoping that Randy Savage would say "smell what I'm cooking" during his pre-match interview just to cap things off. Barry Windham was carried out by Tatum at 13 minutes, with Konnan stupidly walking off behind them. They were both counted out. That helped Konnan regain his edge. Windham & Tatum actually ran back in for a second a minute later. At 15:01, Rey got the pin on Hennig, using a splash off of Swole's shoulders. Still, even with that finish, Hennig was the only guy that seemed to have a career after this match. Poor Rey. Why the hell does he have the cruiserweight title, anyhow? * Fit Finlay won the hardcore junkyard match: During one of the cuts to the junkyard, it appeared that the referee was holding a trophy that said "hardcore champion," but nobody ever explained that that was the case or that the winner would become the first hardcore champion, so we were left to believe it didn't matter. They went to this match without any introduction of the wrestlers, which made the idea that this match would crown a new champion seem that much more important. The wrestlers brawled around inside a ring of stacked up cars. The idea was that the first person to make it out of the ring of cars and climb the fence out of the junkyard would be the winner. The cameras couldn't capture the action, so they had a helicopter fly over the sight. That was great, since when they cut to the camera in the helicopter you could see a bunch of ants moving around this darkened junkyard. What a horrible concept. They didn't learn anything from the last time they spent big money on a helicopter for a sky-high camera shot. The commentary consisted of "oh, there's wrestler X" exclamations because nobody thought it would be a useful idea to have a list of names read by the commentators. Brian Knobs, La Parka, Public Enemy, Jerry Flynn, Silver King, Hugh Morrus, Ciclope, Dave Taylor, Steve Regal, Horace Hogan, Fit Finlay, Hardcore Hak, and Mikey Whippreck were all in the match, something that they hopefully will leave off their resumes. At one point, Silver King was whipped into a car by Morrus, jumping up and crashing into the windshield which had already been bumped before. A shard of glass jammed into King's shoulder, so he turned and asked Morrus to check out the wound and pull out the glass. The cameras cut away. A lot of bad things like that were put on camera. It was actually perversely entertaining, mainly because somebody thought this was a good idea for the PPV. At one point, Rocco Rock & Hugh Morrus, I believe, made it down to the fence that had to be climbed over for victory. As Rocco was on top, kicking away Morrus, the camera shot switched back to the car ring, as if it wasn't important that these two guys were in the victory circle. Finlay was dumped into a car's trunk. Somebody, who knows who, drove a forklift over to the car and placed it in the compactor, with Finlay getting out as soon as the forklift showed up. There was fire and a car exploded. Out of nowhere, Finlay climbed over the fence at 13:49. Nobody even wondered why Rocco Rock & Hugh Morrus were no longer near the fence. It was horrible. * Bam Bam Bigelow & Diamond Dallas Page & Kanyon beat Chris Benoit & Perry Saturn to retain the WCW Tag Titles: This was the only match that could make things partially worthwhile. It turned out that this was a great match, as we expected, running 25:16, or close to 30% of the total match time on the PPV. There were a few miscues, with Kanyon bumping for his partners, so they are hopefully planning to pop Kanyon off the triad. Benoit & Saturn were awesome. Kanyon was great. DDP & BBB were carryable to really good matches. As the match built to the finish, with a lot of potential falls, the crowd was rabid for the pin attempts by the challengers. They chanted "asshole" at the champions. In typical WCW fashion, they didn't even mention that the crowd was chanting something negative at the heels, and you know that people will fight to have that reaction interpreted as a positive heel reaction. Finish saw DDP pin Saturn. The crowd was silent, not because they actually were silent, but because the production crew turned off the microphones. The crowd was moving, gesturing, mouthing, but we heard nothing. It was apparent that the crowd really wanted the other finish, but you know how things go in WCW. * Buff Bagwell beat Roddy Piper in a boxing match with Judge Mills Lane as referee: I could have sworn that this was a taped fist match initially. The commentators said that the rounds would be 3:00 long, but then they turned out to be 2:00 long. Outside of the tag title match, I think Mills Lane was the best worker on the show. Flair was in Piper's corner, so Buff brought out his mother to be in his corner. Is this guy supposed to be the cool young babyface superstar or a dork? Flair sprayed some sort of chemical on Piper's gloves. After Piper punched Bagwell in the face a few times, Bagwell sold it like he was blinded. Flair then wiped Piper's gloves before Mills Lane could check them. Judy Bagwell sponge-cleaned her son's eyes. I expect them to reveal that the spray was the new Monday Nitro cologne; that's a joke. At the start of the third round, Judy bit Piper's ear. She then dumped her water bucket on Piper's head, Bagwell punched the bucket, Piper stumbled around, Flair got punched, and Bagwell hit the blockbuster, winning the boxing match with a pinfall at 4:30 or so. Horrible. Okay, just assume things are horrible unless I say otherwise. Oh, heck, there's only one more match. * Sid & Randy Savage beat Kevin Nash & Sting, with Savage winning the WCW Title: Hey, George was back with Savage. The crowd was so into these buy rate drawers who put all of the asses in the seats that they chanted "Goldberg." George went to Nash's corner. Savage went around to complain to her. Sting attacked Savage. Wow. This was wrestling. Sid just sucks. I think Hammer is better. Sting ended up getting worked over. Nash came in and out, with Sting and Nash cooperating. So, Sting is apparently stupid too, since he should have been into attacking Nash to get the title. Sting missed a splash on the rail. The women posted Sting. At this point, it was essential to continue the huge heat-building segment on Sting, so Sid used a...a...a chinlock. Awesome. Just shoot me. Sting got up and got free, but ended up accidentally headbutting Sid in the groin. Like after all of these years of steroids, he still has balls. Nash came in. Everybody came in. The crowd chanted "Goldberg." Sting splashed everybody. He even splashed Nash by mistake. George blew Nash low, er, gave him a low blow. After Sid did his thing, Savage hit the elbow on Nash for the pin. So Nash lost the title after each guy hit his finisher and George turned on him. Pin came at 13:23. It was totally depressing. Savage now has the title. RAW RAW on 07/12/99 was a live show that aired overnight Monday on TSN in Canada. I should mention that Sunday Night Heat didn't air on Sunday night on CTV SportsNet, as it has been for a month of two now, but the show did air on Monday at dinner time. As a result, I watched the two shows back to back from tape. Watching three hours of the WWF TV product is just as arduous as watching a three hour Nitro, with two differences that wash each other out: (i) you don't get a headache from WWF TV trying to figure out what the hell they are thinking about, and (ii) the WWF TV's peak match quality is nowhere near a typical WCW TV's peak match quality. Anyhow, the show opened with a lengthy segment where Steve Austin & Vince McMahon signed a contract to establish the stipulations for the PPV main event. On 07/04, Vince McMahon suffered a cracked tailbone when his motorcycle was hit by a car backing out of a driveway. Vince was back at work the next day, although he is still not mobile. There's no truth to the idea that he was riding his morotcycle in preparation for WCW's Road Wild. Anyhow, Vince did a good job here considering his health. Undertaker came out, attacked Austin, and Vince ended up signing the contract in Austin's blood. It was hokey, but it worked. In the first match, Edge faced Gangrel, motivated by Gangrel ditching Edge on Heat the night before. If this was the chance for these guys to finally show us that they are great workers, it didn't deliver. They did some good spots, but this wasn't a match worth praising. They ended up brawling back up the ramp, with Gangrel shoving Edge into his elevator hole. Throughout the rest of the show, we were given updates on Austin's condition because of his cut, but nobody ever mentioned Edge again. That's not completely true: Jerry Lawler asked about Edge once, but Jim Ross just ignored him. Match ran 5:38. In a lengthy non-match segment, X-Pac & Road Dogg came out to explain that they were DX. Kane came out, with X-Pac asking what side he was on. HHH & Chyna & Billy Gunn came out and attacked all three of them, with Undertaker coming out to save his brother. Wait, is Kane a Calaway boy? We know Undertaker is just an actor playing a character, right? They told us. For some reason, Gunn & HHH & Chyna think that the answer to X-Pac & Road Dogg stealing their DX gimmick money is to beat them up. It all makes sense somehow, somewhere. Val Venis & Godfather challenged the Hardy Boyz. In a way to make sure that we realize that the Hardy Boyz are fluky jobbers, Venis & Godfather destroyed them until Michael Hayes came in for the DQ at 1:34. That was lame. They aired a promotional video for Tori. She had words like "submission" and "obsession" written on her naked body. It made a lot of sense. She should have had "buttocks," "breasts," and other body part labels written on to help RAW's audience learn something. Jeff Jarrett & Debra came out. Jarrett apparently had something big to tell us, but first he berated the audience for not showing him respect and said that the "puppies" would stay in the "doghouse" until he got that respect. Steve Austin came out to interrupt, stunning Jarrett. Big Slow lumbered out. It ended up with Big Slow & Austin challenging Undertaker & Kane tonight. Jarrett never got to explain why he was out there. He was stunned a second time. Billy Gunn & HHH & Chyna faced X-Pac & Road Dogg & Rocky Maivia, with the Rock being an impromptu addition. Jim Ross figures that if he says "Brad Pitt with attitude" enough times in describing Gunn, it will be true. Hey Jim, "best natural athlete" didn't work either. Match wasn't as good as one would expect, partly because it was the new WWF formula: by the 1:30 mark start selling as though you've been in a 25-minute classic. That annoys the hell out of me. Match ended when Rock pinned Gunn at 6:35. Droz faced Al Snow in an evening gown match, something so stupid that the best words have trouble describing it. The worst words do all right though. Snow used a pair of tongs on Droz' Prince Albert, enabling him to strip down Droz at the 2:00 mark. In retaliation, Prince Albert drove a spike into Head, giving Al Snow a pseudo Prince Albert, if you will. The Acolytes called out anybody, with Bob Holly coming out to take the shot. Before he could get murdered two-on-one, Big Slow came out to carry him off, which I guess sets the stage for a tag match of sorts a PPV or two away. Test faced the entire Mean Street Posse in a gauntlet match. At around 3:00, Shane McMahon ran in to lay into Test, doing a better job than any of his dopey friends. Steve Blackman came out for some reason, but was chased off by Ken Shamrock. Stephanie emerged, tried to do the Heimlich maneuver on her brother, and ended up getting back-elbowed for her trouble. Shane acted very concerned. Undertaker & Kane faced Big Slow & Austin in the main event. Oh man, this match featured three of my favourite athletes: the actor named Mark Calaway who thinks he is this character named the Undertaker, this other big guy with even more trouble 'cause he thinks he's the character's brother (and they apparently hold no grudge over the murder of their characters' parents), and a final big guy who wrestles more like Andre ever week. Awesome! This is what I would pay to see. No, forget that. I can't wait for Kane vs. Slow at the next PPV. Give 'em 20 minutes, make it an inferno match, and I'll be ready for the rubber room. Match lasted 10:22, with Austin's cut from earlier reopening, but Austing getting the pin on Kane anyhow. Match was pretty much atrocious, but nowhere near the great level that Kane & Slow can do on their own. Tally time: 29:09 of bell-to-bell wrestling. Maybe Austin's lawyer will have worked up a bad contract for Austin and we'll find out that he was the guy that raised the briefcase at Over the Edge. Nitro Nitro on 07/12/99 was the usual live show, airing in full on Wednesday afternoon on TSN in Canada. If three hours of WWF TV was too much for Monday, five hours of WCW TV on Wednesday was very nearly unbearable, but we were faced with Thunder being a night early this week. The show opened with a recap of last week, including a clip of Bret Hart. I want to clarify what I wrote last week about Bret Hart. There's no question that WCW positioned the Bret Hart interview in the hopes that it would draw ratings; they also hyped it as Bret's first words regarding Owen's death in a wrestling venue. Of course, every WWF cheerleader that likes to send me e-mail pointed out that WCW is "just as bad" as the WWF when it comes to exploiting Owen's death. A few tried to give Hart an escape by saying that WCW clearly exploited him. It was reported in the Observer that Hart was emotionally torn up backstage and wasn't even sure he could go out. But there are so many elements that you have to overlook to even attempt a comparison between the WWF and WCW on this matter. Lest we forgot, here are some important ones: * WCW wasn't involved in Owen's death; the WWF's stunt request led to Owen's death. * The WWF was criticized for disrespecting everybody the very night that he died (by continuing the show), and exploiting the death the night after by having a "tribute" show that the great majority of people in the industry saw as something else. * The WWF's "tribute" show featured guys stuck in front of a camera without having had any time at all to come to grips with their thoughts or emotions. As a result, nearly everybody who had real emotions regarding the death was exploited. Most of the wrestlers didn't have the emotional state or care to say anything thoughtful. I don't recall getting e-mails from the very same cheerleaders saying that Road Dogg, for example, was exploited by the WWF; but apparently Bret was exploited by WCW. * The WCW boss wasn't involved in the death of Owen, nor continued the show despite the family not wanting that, did not air a self-serving "tribute" show, did not spend loads of dough on make-up and hairstyle for wrestlers who attended the funeral, didn't air footage of the funeral against the wishes of Owen's widow, and didn't write a crass letter to the Sun saying that Owen's widow may have lost her mind. * In contrast to the visibly shaken Road Dogg & Jeff Jarrett, who had to work the same night Owen died, were forced in front of a camera when they weren't ready, worked the night after Owen died, worked again during the week after Owen's death, and were back to a normal schedule a week later, Bret Hart was immediately given as much time as he needed to come to grips with Owen's death. * Bret met with Hulk Hogan & Eric Bischoff to discuss the possibility of returning to wrestling. A month and half after Owen's death, Bret came out on Nitro. He had unlimited time to speak and was allowed to say what he felt. His words were thoughtful and heartfelt. As I said last week, I was a bit troubled by the weirdness of placing the interview at RAW's open, and I still am. But you can't compare that one element to everything that the WWF did. Period. I wrote something last week about Bret having latitude to "use Owen's death for wrestling-related purposes." Only later was it brought to my attention how weird that sounded. The story is that Bret will return as a babyface hero, sort of attempting to return wrestling to something traditional. Since Owen wasn't happy with the WWF's flavour and Bret also doesn't like the raunchy stuff, Bret may consider a return with moral fibre as honouring Owen's memory. That's where my brain was, although the words weren't as clear. Nitro opened with a RAW-like interview segment. Randy Savage came out to offer anybody in the locker room, except Kevin Nash, a title match. Bingo, bango, Hulk Hogan came out to accept the offer, with Savage backtracking, but then agreeing. All of this is supposed to lead to Hogan vs. Bret Hart for the title, which was long ago slated for Halloween Havoc, but may well take place long before then. El Vampiro Canadiense faced Konnan. Vampiro actually got a bit of a push in the commentary, but I still expected him to get squashed. I guess somebody has decided that Konnan has lost his heat, so they actually made the match competitive, with Vampiro getting DQed at 3:10 for using a chair. Poor Konnan went from being the one guy from the new generation who looked to be breaking through despite it all to being the first guy who couldn't squash Vampiro. I'm not really sad. Ernest Miller came out. They didn't mention that they totally screwed up the stipulation at the PPV. Ernest's push will continue, it seems, as he laid into Buff Bagwell and Buff's mother. It was actually funny when Cat said he would take on Judy Bagwell even though it would mean that he would be fighting outside of his weight class. Buff came out to defend his mom's rotundity. Cat attacked him from behind. It was put together so that we knew that Buff would beat the stuffing out of Cat whenever they were facing each other, but Cat managed the sneak attack. He ended up knocking out Buff with a good-looking kick, with Sonny Onno counting the pin. I considered this an angle, not a match. At the start of the second hour, Ric Flair faced Dean Malenko as a result of the PPV nonsense the night before. It was actually a pretty good match, although Flair's constant reliance on cheating continually brought it down. Charles Anderson was the biased referee. When Charles bumped, they actually tried to fool us into thinking Flair would job on TV yet again by having an honest referee come out. Flair put on the figure four, but Dean reversed it. The new referee was punked by Asya, who then stupidly walked away, leaving Flair in the reversal. Charles patted Dean on the back, with Dean thinking he got the win, but Charles raised Flair's hand with no explanation at 8:48. Sting ran in for the save and verbally laid into Flair. He almost seemed to have something going there, but you know that Sting is the past of this company, not the future. Well, he should be. It came down to Ric saying that Sting could face David, and, if Sting won, Sting could wrestle Ric with control of the company on the line. Don't you think all presidents should defend their office this way? Steve Regal faced Billy Kidman. They announced that Finlay did indeed win the new Hardcore Title last night at the PPV, but I guess they forgot to air him taking it from the referee. As a result, they promised a formal title presentation tonight. That's like saying somebody will get a birthday cake. You just know that there will be a brawl. Anyhow, Kidman & Regal did a very good job. Finish was scary. Kidman knocked Dave Taylor & Fit out of the ring and then went up for the shooting star. Maybe the cameraman being in the corner confused Kidman, but for whatever reason he launched himself nearly vertically and came down chest first on the rope, which had to hurt. Eric Bischoff ran in the ring immediately and even held Regal off of Kidman for a split-second before Kidman indicated he was okay. Kidman was obviously supposed to win with the shooting star, so he got a small package and Eric counted the pin. They improvised a bit, with the heels arguing with Eric. Presumably, that was to get the camera off the ring, so Kidman could be helped out if he needed help. Match ran 9:00, with a commercial break. Sid Vicious faced Kenny Kaos. It was absolutely horrible, with the crowd so into Sid's drawing power that they chanted "Goldberg." Sid refused to pin Kaos, using the move that all big goofs who can't wrestle use to kill time: the dreaded chinlock. Finally, he took the pin with a power bomb at 3:50 of hell. Afterwards, Sid crawled on top of Kaos, rubbing his crotch onto the poor guy, and saying very slowly "Do you feel the power!" Hey, man, I don't care what you call it. Sid then had an Ultimate Warrior acid flashback, delivering a nonsensical interview, you know, crap about his destiny and stars in the sky, etc. He challenged Sting. The crowd was totally into this. Yeah, right. And, guess what, if Sid wants Sting, he can find him in the ring with the Flairs tonight. The Nitro Girls danced behind a screen. We saw their silhouettes and the shadow of a stripper pole, with the screen lit in purple. It was family entertainment. Sting faced David Flair. It seemed like the US Title was on the line. Sting put on the Scorpion immediately, but Charles Robinson strutted away instead of checking on David. Sting dropped Charles and then beat up Ric. Arn even bumped for him. David just lay on the floor. Sting splash Ric Flair, sandwiching Asya. The crowd actually seemed hot for all of this. No bell rang. No decision was announced. No clue how to time this sports entertainment finish, so I'll call it 1:50. Ridiculously, they announced that Sting would face Ric Flair for the presidency next week even though Sting didn't beat David. Perhaps this is partly why nobody cares about WCW story lines? Fit Finlay was awarded the awesome new Hardcore Title. It was just the stupid trophy that the referee was holding at the PPV. Guess what? Everybody ran in. It was horrible. It seemed to set up Finlay & Taylor & Regal vs. The First Family as a marquee matchup. Jimmy Hart stole the trophy. Diamond Dallas Page faced Booker T. If there is any sense left in the promotion, T goes over, right? DDP has tried to put together this great catchphrase-filled entrance; it's hilarious how poorly received it is every time he does it. Booker T was really great. It's such a shame that this promotion will never figure out a way to use him properly. Anyhow, he did a great job in the match, and once again Page looked a lot better than he is. He's damn smart when it comes to picking his opponents, isn't he? DDP's tag partners weren't at ringside, so we were supposed to believe that this would be a clean fight. Ha! Sure enough, as T was coming close to putting it away, every TV viewer and everbody in the audience waited for the run-in, with the live crowd turning to look at the back. I bet nobody in charge will notice that the promotion is in that wonderful state that nearly killed them when Dusty was in charge. Kanyon came out. So did Bigelow. DQ on DDP at 13:18 of what we saw. Why go that long for that finish? I think it is possible to have longer matches on Monday night and not plummet in the ratings if the fans know that a satisfying finish will result. But WCW isn't about satisfying the fans. Stevie Ray came out to save T. Randy Savage faced Hulk Hogan with the WCW Title on the line. It was the same match we've seen 237 other times. Match totally sucked, although I think Hogan was trying harder than usual. Sid Vicious ran in, but Eric Bischoff announced that Hogan and arranged for the match to be no DQ. Okay. Incidentally, Sid was so concerned with the destiny that the stars foretold that he didn't bother to confront Sting after Sting's match with the Flairs. Hogan did the exact same finishing sequence he does in every match. Sting cleared Vicious out of there. Ooooh, boy, they are heating up that awesome pairing after all. Savage used a chain. Kevin Nash showed up. Hogan got the cover. Life sucked. Tony Schiavone called this a tremendously exciting moment. Nash said he won the match for Hogan since he got involved in the finish. That's twice he's given the belt to Hogan, says Nash. So, even though they are supposedly buddies, they've set the stage for an awesome clash that may well rival Kane vs. Big Slow for number and quality of moves. Match ran 14:14. Tally time: 54:10 of bell-to-bell wrestling. - The WWF has Fully Loaded on 07/25/99. Tentative line-up has: * Steve Austin vs. Undertaker in a first blood match: If Austin wins, Vince will never get involved in his business and we will never see Vince again (whatever that means). If Undertaker wins, Austin will never challenge for the WWF Title again. No explanation of what happens if there is a DQ, but I guess this match stipulation precludes that possibility. * Rocky Maivia vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley * X-Pac & Road Dogg vs. Billy Gunn & Chyna * D'Lo Brown vs. Midian for the European Title * Big Slow vs. Kane * Ken Shamrock vs. Steve Blackman * Test vs. Joey Abs - I'm writing this up on Sunday, 07/11/99, just after noon. Over the years, I've occasionally predicted what I thought certain bookers were planning. Indeed, years ago I ran a booking prediction tournament which awarded points to players who correctly predicted PPV match finishes, allotting the points based on how many other players also guessed correctly. While I might muse about a general direction that seems a good choice for a promotion to take, I very rarely have gotten into specific booking suggestions. I'm primarily a fan of great pro-wrestling action, not a booker wannabe. Yet, this weekend, perhaps due to insomnia and perhaps due to being battered by WCW's latest insanely stupid plotline development on Thunder (Kevin Nash saying his partner can pin him to win the world title), I found myself lying awake in bed plotting out a fantasy WCW storyline, beginning at the Bash at the Beach PPV. Given that I get a substantial batch of e-mail each week telling me that I don't like pro-wrestling, I figured that sharing this fantasy with those readers may let them know where I'm coming from. 07/11/99, Bash at the Beach: Final match to warm the crowd up is Eddy Guerrero vs. Billy Kidman vs. Psicosis vs. Juventud Guerrera in a four corners match. They're given 10+ minutes, with Eddy Guerrero going over, pinning Juventud with the frog splash after Kidman's shooting star pin is broken up by Psicosis, with both of those wrestlers being knocked to the floor by Eddy before his splash. Fourth last match is the tag title bout. Flair vs. Malenko, Buff vs. Piper, and the World Title match still have to come. Match is hard fought, three-on-two. Benoit & Saturn eventually get the upper hand to the point that all three of the champs are really worn out. Kanyon gets laid out worst of all, but also delivers the best offense for his team during the course of the match. Throw in a few miscues, with Kanyon always taking the lumps. With Kanyon kneeling on the mats, trying to recover at ringside, both Bigelow & DDP get demolished, with limited offense from them at this late stage in the match. Benoit hits the top rope head butt on Bigelow, but a groggy and a battered DDP manages to pull Bigelow out of the ring to avoid the cover. DDP says "countout" to his partners just loud enough so that we can pick it up. Kanyon says "come on?!" questioning the call, and DDP hits the diamond cutter on him. The referee's count is broken by Benoit & Saturn yelling at the champs. DDP & BBB trudge down the aisle, holding the title belts. Kanyon rises to his feet, with the commentators praising him for having the strength to get up a couple of minutes after being laid out on the floor. Kanyon gets pulled up into the ring, where the challengers start to pound him. Page & Bigelow look over the shoulders as they walk slowly down the aisle, before gesturing dismissively at the ring and walking off with the titles. Kanyon manages to duck under Saturn's leg lariat, getting a quick one count on the cover. He moves groggily, but also manages one more quick roll up for a short two before Saturn puts him down with the DVD and Benoit hits the head butt for the pin. The referee announce them the new tag champions. After the match, Benoit & Saturn are interviewed backstage, with DDP & BBB blindsiding them with the title belts and other objects. For his match with Piper, Bagwell comes to the ring with Dean Malenko. Piper has Ric Flair in his corner. Bagwell dominates until Piper cheats. Bagwell rallies several times, but Piper always gets back the advantage because he sneaks in low blows and uses an object. Malenko never manages to help Bagwell because Flair always gets involved too. Finish has Arn Anderson & Asya & David Flair come out to ringside to lead to a Piper win using a loaded fist. Malenko gets punked as well. The commentator point out that Benoit & Saturn were being looked at by the medical staff during this match. After the match, we go back to the locker room area for an interview with Ric Flair & Roddy Piper regarding the win and David Flair's upcoming match. Down the hall, never mentioned by the commentators and unseen by Flair & Piper & co., we see Chris Benoit & Perry Saturn & Dean Malenko & Buff Bagwell (holding an icepack on his chin) enter a locker room after saying "...we just gotta talk...this has to stop...tonight..." David Flair faces Dean Malenko. Flair has his dad, Piper, Arn, Asya, and Charles Robinson all in his corner. Malenko, the challenger, came to the ring first, but after Flair's grand entrance, Dean grabs the microphone and says "We have had our fill of Ric Flair and his pals screwjobbing us and tonight it is going to stop." Flair says "We?", pointing at a singular Malenko, and Malenko says, "Yeah, WE." Chris Benoit & Perry Saturn & Buff Bagwell come down the aisle, all of them looking okay, despite the earlier attacks. "There are more of us than you know. And we are going to make changes beyond just this." At that point, Benoit & Saturn & Bagwell chase Ric & Arn & Piper & Asya & Charles around the ringside area, with the heels heading down the aisle after one lap. Benoit & Saturn & Bagwell don't follow, though, simply standing at the end of the entranceway, holding off the heels. The bell rings. Malenko immediately latches on to David, schools him, slaps on the cloverleaf and gets the submission inside 2:00. Dean grabs the microphone, says "go to wrestling school," and joins his pals at ringside. As the four faces start to go down the aisle, they let the heels get by them so they can get to the ring and check on David. Finally, the main event tag for the WCW Title takes place. In a video piece to hype the match, we see clips of Savage & Sid coming to the ring and laying out guys in the Nitro opening matches from past weeks. We have to show the humvee business, too. Match is pretty weak, as we'd expect. Nash & Sting don't get along because of what's happened recently. Sid & Savage lay into Nash. Finish has loads of screwiness, with Nash laid out at ringside and the heels taking the opportunity to destroy Sting. He gets powerbombed and elbow dropped. Nash crawls back in at this point, playing possum, he ducks under a double clothesline and hits a double of his own, knocking both heels down. Nash covers Sting, who is still out, for the pin. The commentators say that if Sting could pin his partner Nash to win the title, then surely Nash could pin Sting to retain the title. It's the demented booking that has become a WCW trademark. As the heels get up to destroy Nash, with Sting moving around but not up, the crowd erupts as Goldberg comes to the ring. Goldberg grabs the microphone and climbs the steps into the ring. The in-ring attacks stop, as the wrestlers turn to listen. Goldberg says "I'm back! I'm serving notice on you, Kevin Nash. I want my belt back. You broke my winning streak by screwing me, and I beat you clean months later. I'm gonna beat you clean again." As Goldberg turns to leave, Nash attacks him. Savage & Sid join in. Goldberg gets knocked into the corner where Sting is recovering. Sting stands beside Goldberg, with it looking like it is going to be a three-on-two deal. The commentators yell "Sting & Goldberg together!" and crap like that. Sting whacks Goldberg and then walks off. The other three lay into Goldberg. Out from the back come Chris Benoit & Perry Saturn & Dean Malenko (all wearing title belts) & Buff Bagwell & Eddy Guerrero & Billy Kidman & Juventud Guerrera & Psicosis & Rey Misterio Jr. (wearing the cruiserweight title) & Konnan. As they storm the ring, Sid & Savage & Nash momentarily hold them at bay, not letting them climb into the ring. Splitscreen shows that in the back, Ric Flair has seen the monitor. "They're at ringside." Flair & Arn & Piper & co. come out. As they are coming down the aisle, the ten faces manage to break through and get in the ring, with Sid & Savage & Nash not landing a blow before dropping out of the ring. Goldberg gets to his feet and sees the ten guys standing there. At ringside, we've got the heels. Eric Bischoff surfaces, shaking his head side-to-side. Goldberg shakes hands and generally supports the guys that saved him. Benoit grabs the microphone. "In 1995, WCW took the wrestling world by storm with the debut of Monday Nitro. The glue that held Nitro together was the quality of wrestling that the men in this ring and some others managed to deliver every single week. All of us were buttered up with the idea that WCW was a company in which we had upward mobility based on the quality of our work. Eric Bischoff, you promised us that we'd get pushed, that we'd be allowed to shine as the stars of this company heading into the year 2000. That's six months away. Through all the time that has passed, the company has been built around Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair, Randy Savage, Diamond Dallas Page, Sting, and now Kevin Nash. And look where we are: the last two pay-per-views put on by WCW have drawn buy rates one-third the level of that they used to attract. The Nitro ratings are in the toilet, too. You've spent untold sums of money on deals with celebrities like Master P, Jay Leno, and Dennis Rodman. Finally, some us were going to get our shot in a small old stars vs. young stars feud: Buff & Piper, Dean & Ric, Me & Saturn & DDP & Bigelow. But it isn't just about young vs. old. The upper echelon of this company is filled with guys that are either old, have limited wrestling ability, or have political clout because of the contracts that you've given them. Most of the guys we're talking about fit more than one of those descriptions. Well, it stops here...tonight." He surveys the guys that ran in. "We may have issues with each other, or may enjoy the idea of testing ourselves against each other, but we aren't going to do it for you any more. We will only take matches against the guys that are holding us down. Our numbers may grow. What we are going to do is screw with the old crappy workers that you've put on top of us. If that pisses you or them off and you want to fire us, go ahead. We'll join Chris Jericho." Bischoff shakes his head. The wrestlers at ringside grumble. Tony Schiavone acts speechless and says we have to go. Where do we go from here?: Here are the generalities that I daydreamed about. I readily admit that some of the ideas mentioned may not be agreed upon by the people involved. * On Nitro the next night, Eric Bischoff comes out at the open saying that things were said last night that probably weren't meant. An apology could return things to their natural order. The pre-planned matches involving the old guys are hyped as the Nitro main event fare. Ric Flair annouced some sort of crappy match involving some of the young guys against each other. They come out, grudgingly, after some backstage video stuff, but when the bell rings, they just walk out together for a double countout. The young guys commandeer the mike somehow and invite both Booker T and Kanyon to join them. * On the subsequent Nitro, Harvey Schiller is announced as being in the building with a major announcement regarding the future of WCW. He comes out at the open of the show and announces that the TV execs have been looking at the numbers that WCW has been drawing and they've decided to make some changes in the hopes of revitalizing the company. After the night's bookings, which have been reviewed, Ric Flair loses the presidency of WCW. A search will be done to find a replacement who will actually take the job seriously. * Next Nitro, Harvey comes out to announce that a new president has been found. He also makes it clear that the presidency is not a position that can be put on the line in a match. The new president is announced as Bret Hart. Bret comes out and does an interview explaining that he wants to have a presence in wrestling and that he feels that he still wants to leave a mark on the business. But he doesn't have the heart any more to be involved as a wrestler; he doesn't think that he could get reasonably emotional about the sort of chicanery that occurs in pro-wrestling and that it would hinder his ability to perform at the level he would like. But as president he can still have impact. A video piece is put together showing Hart early in his career in Calgary, then in New Japan with Dynamite Kid & Tiger Mask Sayama. It is honestly acknowledged that Hart was a key performer for the WWF over the years, and he is strongly and seriously labelled as the pro-wrestler of the decade of the 1990s. The doublecross in Montreal is mentioned, and a reworking of the piece that aired recently regarding his WCW tenure and Owen's death is tacked on. Bret says that he still may wrestle the occasional midcard match as a special attraction in a legends-type setting. Backstage, the reasoning for this decision is because Bret obviously is having trouble coming to grips with his future. Since Bret has experienced important changes in the industry and been involved with so many important periods, he's the choice of a wrestler who may have it in him to turn the company around as head booker, which is his real backstage role. Bruce Hart is brought in as a booker, as well, and the new Stampede Wrestling becomes a training ground where the Power Plant guys and the greener guys can hone their talent. As a third member of the booking team, Phil LaFon, who has no WWF affiliation any more, should be approached. During his All Japan heyday, Phil had the ability to put together the most elaborate, realistic, and memorable finishes in the industry, all with no bullshit involved. Phil & Bruce & Bret will be given a mandate to turn WCW into a more athletic-based, realistic promotion. * Early on, Bret makes it clear that he isn't going to side with anybody in the fight that the young workers have picked, but he will let ability and not bullshit win out. The old guys continue with their current crap for a week or two or a PPV. Bret passes a ruling that all matches that don't end with clean victories will see the person who runs in, gets DQed, etc., reprimanded in some way. He also announces that the old school has been sent to New Japan for a week of their current tour. New Japan wants to use some of the established, older North American guys, will treat them reasonably well finish-wise, and it allows WCW TV to push the fact that WCW, unlike the WWF and ECW, is involved with the leader of pro-wrestling in Japan. Since New Japan big shows occur on Friday or Saturday nights, it should be possible to get a tape of a Friday night show couriered in by Monday. Highlights of the old school in Japan get aired on Nitro, with full versions of a few of the matches hyped for Thunder. Nobody watches Thunder any more anyhow, so we might as well use it to educate the people that are and hopefully start to get word out that WCW has changed. It also serves as a way to start exposing North American to some of New Japan's stars. Nitro on this night can be turned into an all new school show, with awesome matches. The commentators will have to be coached on how to call these matches. That's still a tough spot. * The New Japan tour can flip the other way a week or two later. * As for angles and so on, the outlandish or stupid stuff slowly shrinks away. Catchphrases and characters are still perfectly fine, 'cause we want to market gimmicks, but between the bells everybody is now forced to survive on legitimate work. Old unskilled guys only get wins through double-teaming in tag matches and by cheating and sneaking past the no-bullshit rule, which happens very infrequently. The fans are to be conditioned to expect a straight-up result from matches. Every feud in the next year or two ends with the old guy putting over the new guy cleanly, unless the old guy still has enough skill to cut the mustard (like Curt Hennig, say). * Talent can still switch sides. I don't see Buff surviving as a new star in this mix, although it could happen, and I don't care that he'll have some trouble. He could switch sides. Losing to Piper at the PPV, albeit screwy, is the first seed in a potential turn way down the line. Ric Flair, after being stripped of the presidency, with his son sent packing to work at the Power Plant and in Calgary if he's serious about this business, will eventually be turned back to the side of the new school, the workers. He and Bret, for example, can have a clean, legitimate legends match that respects both of their legends. Ric can be rehabilitated this way, because he can play an important role in booking this style of wrestling at some point. For new talent, Lance Storm becomes the number one draft choice for WCW. Whenever his ECW commitments come to an end, he should be actively recruited. Since that will be a while down the road, hopefully the promotion will have established some good will with good workers by that point. The talent agreement with New Japan should be played up more. The guys that respect their craft will love to work a tour there. The great workers from New Japan should be brought in occasionally once they have had a bit of exposure on WCW TV, something that will happen by showing highlights/matches from tours. Goldberg can be worked into this mix quite well I think, if it's down right. Don Frye from New Japan can be a perfect foil for him. * The promotion runs with totally separate divisions. Cruiserweights never face heavyweights except for an occasional mixed tag match. In those cases, the cruisers outquick the heavies, but get crushed if they get caught. Hardcore stuff can still hang around, but in another separate division. If a guy wrestles in the hardcore division, like Hak, say, he doesn't wrestle in the legit division. If, by chance, there is a match between a legit guy and a hardcore guy in the legit framework, the legit guy wins. The legit guys never do hardcore stuff. Only Chris Benoit, who should be built as the future star of the promotion, unless we get Lance Storm, in which case Benoit is groomed as second star, can conquer both legit and hardcore styles. The commentary during a cruiserweight match talks only about cruiserweight wrestlers. During hardcore, only talk about hardcore stuff. During legit heavyweight stuff, only talk about that. Everything gets prominence and respect. Somewhere after thinking about all of this, I finally did get tired and fall asleep. For whatever warped reason, I actually woke up on Sunday with a sense of excitement at the potential that WCW still has to build something interesting and different. Even in their current totally screwed up state, there is just so much natural talent in the company that a night of delusional daydreaming trying to pick out those strengths and build on them left me with an inexplicable sense of hope. Of course, that was soundly crushed by the time the PPV was over. And, hell, most people that bothered to read about the fantasies of this nutty fan probably think I'm totally out to lunch. After all, the only way to market pro-wrestling successfully is to put on two-minute matches with run-ins, breasts, profanity, breasts, and lots of garbage wrestling, right? - PPV buy rates, revenue (in millions), and match statistics for the WWF, WCW, and ECW are presented in the following 1998 summary sheet (the PPV draw(s) are listed, as well as the quality matches): Show Data Match Rating Data Show Details Buy Rate Gross Mean Median Peak % >= * * * * WWF 99/04/25: Backlash Steve Austin vs. Rocky Maivia 1.06 $5.09 2.28 * * 1/4 * * * * 1/4 Steve Austin vs. Rocky Maivia 12.5% (1 of 8) 99/03/28: WrestleMania Steve Austin vs. Rocky Maivia 2.3 $12.04 1.13 * 1/4 * * * 1/2 Steve Austin vs. Rocky Maivia 0.0% (0 of 9, no shoot) 99/02/14: St. Valentine's Day Massacre Steve Austin vs. Vince McMahon Mankind vs. Rocky Maivia 1.2 $5.33 1.28 * 1/4 * * * 3/4 Mankind vs. Rocky Maivia 0.0% (0 of 8) 99/01/24: Royal Rumble Mankind vs. Rocky Maivia Royal Rumble 1.57 $6.97 1.83 * 1/2 * * * 3/4 Mankind vs. Rocky Maivia 0.0% (0 of 6) Last 6 1.39 $6.56 1.43 1.38 3.58 1.9% (1 of 53) 1999 1.53 $7.36 1.61 1.56 3.81 3.2% (1 of 31) 1998 1.02 $4.42 1.60 1.63 3.65 4.0% (4 of 101) Show Data Match Rating Data Show Details Buy Rate Gross Mean Median Peak % >= * * * * WCW 99/06/13: Great American Bash Kevin Nash vs. Randy Savage 0.43 2.05 0.75 3/4* * * * 1/4 Chris Benoit & Saturn vs. Diamond Dallas Page & Kanyon 0% (0 of 9) 99/05/09: Slamboree Kevin Nash vs. Diamond Dallas Page 0.45 2.15 1.75 * * * * * 1/4 Raven & Saturn vs. Rey Misterio Jr. & Konnan vs. Chris Benoit & Dean Malenko 0% (0 of 9) 99/04/11: Spring Stampede Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan vs. Diamond Dallas Page vs. Sting 0.6 2.86 2.31 * * 1/2 * * * * 1/4 Juventud Guerrera vs. Blitzkrieg 11.1% (1 of 9) 99/03/14: Uncensored Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan 0.73 $3.48 1.83 * * * * * 1/2 Billy Kidman vs. Mikey Whippreck 0% (0 of 9) 99/02/21: SuperBrawl Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan 1.1 $5.27 1.89 * * 1/2 * * * 1/4 Rey Misterio Jr. vs. Kevin Nash Scott Steiner vs. Diamond Dallas Page 0% (0 of 9) 99/01/17: Souled Out Bill Goldberg vs. Scott Hall Ric Flair & David Flair vs. Curt Hennig & Barry Windham 0.78 $3.64 1.83 * 1/2 * * * * Billy Kidman vs. Rey Misterio Jr. vs. Juventud Guerrera vs. Psicosis 11.1% (1 of 9) Last 6 0.75 $3.51 1.73 1.89 3.71 4.8% (3 of 63) 1999 0.68 $3.24 1.73 1.88 3.58 3.7% (2 of 54) 1998 0.93 $3.96 1.54 1.73 3.73 4.5% (5 of 111) Show Data Match Rating Data Show Details Buy Rate Gross Mean Median Peak % >= * * * * ECW 99/01/10: Guilty As Charged Shane Douglas vs. Taz 0.2 $0.42 1.68 * * 1/2 * * * 1/2 Yoshihiro Tajiri vs. Super Crazy 0.0% (0 of 7) Last 6 0.22 $0.42 1.93 2 3.42 5.3% (1 of 19) 1999 0.2 $0.42 1.68 2.5 3.5 0.0% (0 of 7) 1998 0.23 $0.43 1.56 1.5 3.00 3.7% (1 of 27) Longer-term data is available. The data now runs back to 1991. ______________________________________________________________________ Thanks to: Masaki Aso. ______________________________________________________________________ If you have any feedback regarding my web pages, please send me e-mail. Don't forget to delete the leading "x" from my e-mail address; that "x" is my web spider spam guard. ______________________________________________________________________