______________________________________________________________________ I do not offer subscriptions to a mailing list! I do not e-mail images! ______________________________________________________________________ I'm finishing up this brief update while invigilating an examination. It's been a busy week: two final exams with lots of marking. The first course had 1114 students in it, so it took forever to get the papers graded and final grades calculated. Whew! Anyhow, I will hopefully something interesting to say next week or the week after. ______________________________________________________________________ - ECW had Massacre on 34th Street on PPV this past Sunday, 12/03/00. In the week before the show, they had no announced lineup thanks to the financial situation that the company has been struggling with for so long. The Observer reported that Paul Heyman had talked about holding on to Rhino, Super Crazy, and a few others to form the nucleus of a leaner group should others seek high water in WCW (less low water) orr the WWF. In particular, it seems like Rob van Dam might well leave the promotion, which is a actually a big blow to ECW since they have put so much care into keeping him strong in wait of the right time to book his title chase. In wrestling, if you wait for the right time, sometimes time just passes you by. Jerry Lynn is already rumoured to be WWF-bound. Don't get me wrong: he's always been a great worker, but I just don't see Vince McMahon giving him all that much of a chance. Rather than be a headliner, he's much more likely to be Smash Holly, Crash's little brother. The show promised to be a hodge-podge, slammed-together mix of amateur-hour wrestling, much like WCW these days, but the young guys would surely all work hard as if in a try-out, even if they would have trouble getting paid for the shot. Optimistically, I tuned in for the following. * Christian York & Joey Matthews beat Johnny Swinger & Simon Diamond: Before the match, Dawn Marie came out. I've always thought she was one of the more attractive valets in the sport, with better than average presence. Dawn Marie ruined the illusion a bit by talking, but the point was that she wanted to manage the winning tag team. She basically offered her wrestling mind as a side benefit to having sex with her, a recurrent theme in ECW. York & Matthews did some double team spots, reminiscent of their buds, Three Count & The Hardyz. The heels drew heat on York. This was a modern match, in the sense that they did a lot of spots in quick succession with no sense for psychology or transitions. Swinger hit Diamond with a clothesline, with York hitting the hot tag. Low blow number one. Matthews dumped both heels. Matthews went for a tope suicida, which wasn't really one, as he was so clearly caught. Remember when "tope suicide" meant that you actually dove out and headbutted an opponent, with that connection being the only thing to slow your fall? Anyhow, in short order, York hit a knee drop of the top ("The Rebel Yell") for the pin. As he hugged Dawn Marie afterwards, he grabbed her ass. Matthews stayed on the mat, with Joel Gertner walking off, saying something wasn't right. Dawn Marie ended up scraping York's eyes, for the surprise turn. York got laid out. Matthews was left alone, and ended up getting surrounded by staff, selling an arm injury. Gertner showed up as a concerned official. This seemed to be the excuse for getting rid of him on commentary, with Cyrus replacing him for the rest of the show. * E.Z. Money beat Balls Mahoney: Money had Julio Dinero & Chris Hamrick & Elektra at ringside. Money opened with the Rick Rude hip swivel, and the fans responded with a "you suck dick!" chant. Balls hit a series of punches before diving outside by mistake. Well, duh, he was attacked outside. They need Ric Flair as CEO; really, that would only make sense, since Ric Flair was one of the five most over wrestlers in the building this evening. Money hit a plancha. Back in the ring, Balls scored a two count off a suplex. Balls took three hours to climb to the top turnbuckles, with the heels having a huddle forever in preparation for the plancha. Money did some nice athletic stuff, but his physique doesn't fit the current mold. He's similar to Jimmy Backlund in that regard, doing lots of flying moves with ease, but not looking like a star. In ECW, he might be able to work past that as a singles, but elsewhere he would be stuck in tag teams. Crowd broke into a "She's got herpes!" chant, totally into the match. The audio dropped away. Money did a reverse tombstone piledrive of sorts, which looked pretty contrived. He missed a swanton bomb. Balls hit a superkick for a two count. With no audio whatsoever it was sort of weird to watch. Balls tried to get the crowd behind him. Hamrick stole the chair from Balls, who was superkicked for a two count. Money took the chair but got caught on top. With Elektra distracting the referee, the three heels laid out Balls in succession for the pin. Screw the looks of Money and Hamrick, I kind of like these guys as workers. Nova ran in to save Balls, destroying the heels with high spot offence. He did a few innovative things. He's a genuinely entertaining wrestler. It looked like a new match started: * Nova beat Julio Dinero: Hamrick responded to Nova's assault with an incredible springboard dropkick. Dinero hit a top rope moonsault, which with his skill level could have had him landing anywhere, but Nova made it look alright. Mind you, Nova is no Chris Benoit or Ric Flair; heck, he isn't even a HHH when it comes to transitions and psychology, but his spots are great. They did this really sad punch, punch, punch bit, made to look sad by the fact that we had no audio. Nova hit an enzuigiri for a two count. With Nova having a rollup, Dinero launched him off and Nova ran into a chair, again looking bad because nobody was talking to explain away the amateur look of it all. Elektra came in and took a fallaway slam type move. The heels destroyed Nova while the referee tended to Elektra. But Balls destroyed the heels with chair shots immediately. Nova hit a swanton bomb for the pin. A quick call to the cable company: they say that the audio was on at their end. "We'll fire the signal through and it should came back on your side in about ten minutes." Does that make sense to anybody? Oh well, yeah, I did check my other VCRs, and their audio was fine. Oh, bingo, there's the sound. That made sense. "We have been experiencing some trouble with the digital boxes tonight." Good lord. And I'm actually thinking seriously about getting a cable modem from them?! * Amish Roadkill & Danny Doring beat Tony Mamaluke & Little Guido to win the ECW Tag Titles: This is the sort of fare I expected tonight: a match involving four guys that neither of the big two would be interested in having. And that remark has little to do to with the quality level of the guys in this match. I enjoyed pretty much everything Guido did during the opening segment, including all of the stuff he did to help Doring look good. As they traded chops and slaps, Ric Flair drew a good reaction. Roadkill came in with "the Amish fingers to the eyes." Match had no real rhythm to it, but that's ECW for the most part. Mamaluke hit a tornado DDT on Roadkill on the floor, which looked tremendous 'cause Mamaluke has this way of letting his body twist to extreme angles during high spots. In the ring, Doring started catching moves. Unbelievably, Roadkill was back on his apron in a minute, even trying to make saves. Even the Rock would have sold that move for another minute, right? HHH, on the other hand, would have suffered no broken bones, only some contusions and abrasions, and come back triumphantly moments later. FBI double teamed like crazy as Roadkill kept drawing the referee's attention. Mamaluke missed a sad roundhouse, Doring hit the hot tag, and the match got messy again. Mamaluke took a power bomb like only he takes it. Roadkill hit a tope on Big Sal, who just stood there waiting for the dive. Realistically, what could Sal do? Scurry out of the way? Doring caught Mamaluke on top and did some sort of move off the top. I don't really know what the point of the move was. He scored a two count for the unexplainable move. Mamaluke scored a two count after a belt shot. The FBI hit a double wakigatamae on Roadkill. It broke down. Mamaluke killed himself. Guido took the "buggy bag" and the belts changed hands. I was disappointed by the result, but I always am when the more skilled wrestler(s) lose(s). But at least ECW takes small talented guys and lets them work matches that might mean something in the bigger picture. * C.W. Anderson beat Tommy Dreamer: Cyrus pretty much said that Tommy Dreamer was out of shape and too injured to be in the ring. Anderson interruped Dreamer's intro to insult Dreamer, who responded with his usual punch and kick offenxe. Dreamer wore all black to hide his girth; maybe the Undertaker should take that fashion advice as well. Dreamer started working on Anderson's shoulder, with several inconceivable moves. I mean, Anderson's arm was in its natural position, but because Dreamer's hands were on it, Anderson's arm was in agony. Post shots to the arm. Dreamer tried to slam Anderson on his arm, but Anderson countered with his own arm attack. Anderson sold his own arm while working over Dreamer. Dreamer bladed. Anderson set up a chair in the ring post, sandwiched Dreamer's arm in there, and whack the chair with another chair. It made a big noise, but Dreamer's arm clearly felt nothing. Watching Dreamer, I felt like I was watching Dusty Rhodes: the opponent was surnamed Anderson, he bladed for no logical reason, he was terribly out of shape, he's the supposed heart and soul of his promotion, he can't do any actual wrestling. Anderson used a chair on the arm. Anderson hit something close to a cross armbar, but it was miserably applied. Reverse DDT for the two on Dreamer. Anderson took a bump into the chair. Anderson stood the chair up in the middle of the ring. He put a headlock on Dreamer. They stood there forever. Dreamer finally did an atomic drop style move on Anderson, who crotched himself on the chair. In a retarded spot, Dreamer ran Anderson's eyes across the ropes all the way around the ring, imitating a ringboy earlier on. But poor Anderson had to run around the ring as though his head was actually rubbing the ropes when it was not. That's a stupid spot when they only move one foot, but all the way around the ring?! Lou E. Dangerously beat up the ring boy. He ended up whacking Dreamer with the phone. Paul Heyman came in and phoned Lou E. Dreamer hit the death valley driver. The referee resurfaced and counted two. Anderson scored a two of his own after a salto. Anderson missed a charge into the corner, which looked lame again. Dreamer dropkicked a chair into Anderson's face while Anderson was in the tree of woe. Piledriver that didn't hit. Cyrus even had to say that he didn't "get all of it." Dreamer pulled out a table. He started to set it up at ringside, then collapsed it and tossed it into the ring. Oh, the legs didn't seem to work. So he slammed Anderson on the table in the ring. Anderson ended up superplexing Dreamer onto the table, which was still lying flat in the ring. Anderson had to remedy the situation, heading outside to get a new table while the referee discarded the defective one. What a mess. Joey Styles was damn annoying at this point with all of the cutesy names for moves. Anderson ended up hitting a spinebuster on Dreamer through the table for the pin. It was dangerous, since the metal supports of the table were Dreamer's landing spot. I wasn't surprised by the result, but there was a moment during my Dusty Rhodes delusion where I expected Dreamer to let Anderson pummel him throughout the match only to come back with the win, just like Dusty would have done it. Then, after a lame-o victory, Dreamer could take off his black shirt to reveal a big splotch on his expanded belly-welly. That could lead to Corino running in to say that Dreamer was stealing his gimmick. They could have a "Bull of the Woods" match at the next PPV, "ECW Funky Like a Monkey." * Rhino beat Spike Dudley to retain the TV Title: Rhino beat the crap out of Dudley, who had a brief offensive flurry at the start of the match before getting destroyed. Crowd chanted "boring!" or "gore him!" or something. It seemed to upset Rhino, so I'm guessing the former. A bleeding Spike came back with a chair shot. They walked. We couldn't see a thing. But suddenly Spike turned up on the balcony and dove on Rhino, one would guess. They made their way back to ringside. Spike used a chair again. Back in the ring, Spike scored a two. Rhino hit a drop toehold, sending Spike into the turnbuckle. Spike tried for an acid drop, but Rhino carried him across the ring and dumped him over the top through a table. Rhino speared him, but Spike rolled to the floor. Spike used a chair again. As Rhino fell back into the ring, Spike taped his leg to the bottom rope. He chaired the exposed knee many times, with the tape breaking. Rhino grabbed Spike in a chinlock, with Styles saying that Rhino was choking him with the tape. Well there was no tape when he let go, and he let go only after the referee had stopped the match. Rhino then chaired Spike silly and speared the referee through a table. They showed all of the officials gathered around Spike, who was still laid out on the mat. This type of match ending was old at this point: Matthews in the opener, Dreamer in the previous match, and Spike this time. * In an interesting skit, Francine offered to have sex with Steve Corino, who admitted that he had just masturbated. So she went off with Jack Victory. Justin Credible appeared and laid out Corino and called Francine to leave. Francine apparently then bit Jack Victory while performing fellatio. What a story. * Mikey Whippreck & Yoshihiro Tajiro beat Super Crazy & Kid Kash: Crazy entered the ring with no partner announced. As Crazy was getting destroyed, Kid Kash's music came up. Hey, this could be a pretty good match. Crazy & Tajiri could even work some spots with transitions! Match was very good, as expected, good enough that I found no time to type descriptions. It was actually quite messy in spots (the right word), but it was also often quite good when Tajiri or Crazy did his thing. Match ended after a lot of crazy stuff, with Tajiri kicking the crap out of Crazy, breaking a table on him, and finally pinning him. Very good match, but still nothing to write home about. * Steve Corino beat Jerry Lynn & Justin Credible to retain the ECW Title: Match was the usual deal, which can be pretty good with Lynn & Credible. As they brawled around ringside, Credible took a guard rail shot and started swearing like crazy that they should leave alone, apparently legitimately worried that he had banged his knee up badly. He limped away and came back to the match a few minutes later. Lots of out of the ring brawling, which brought it down for me because it wasn't particularly good brawling. And, really, is that what we want to see Lynn doing? Near the finish, Francine came in to molest Lynn, who ended up getting pinned by Credible after Credible had accidentally whacked Francine. So it came down to Credible and Corino. They brawled around outside. Credible took the Raven drop-toehold-on-a-chair spot. They brought in a ladder. Corino took a suplex on the ladder, which was draped on the ropes. More brawling outside the ring. Credible was still limping a bit from the earlier knee trauma. They disappeared and then reappeared on the balcony. They walked some more. Corino carefully went over the rail and dropped himself when he was whacked by a cane shot. Corino bled, as did Credible. This out of the ring segment just plain sucked. Back in the ring, they traded chops and slaps, with Ric Flair getting a great reaction. After a ladder bump, Corino scored the pin with a neckbreaker. No real reaction. Sandman's music came up, and wouldn't you know that he hit the ring faster than he ever does to save his partner. He laid out Corino. "Can anyone make sense of this?" No Joey. Oh wait, no other promotion would hire Sandman, so he's a safe bet to promote to main events again. - What's going on in the WWF? I don't think it can be just me who is completely unenamoured with the current direction of the promotion. In the past, it seemed like they had more successful ideas than bad ones, but over the past little while it seems like they are almost all bad, doesn't it? Don't get me started again about the horrible pairings at the last PPV, the waste of the talented workers-who-always-lose. We've had to deal with: * The good workers being paired with crummy workers and losing! * The remarkable recovery of HHH, which could only be explained if they reveal that the HHH we've seen the past couple of weeks is in fact a clone of the HHH we had seen before the PPV car drop. * The insulting nonfinishes of the major matches at the PPV. Really, couldn't Austin have pinned HHH before doing the car stunt? * Kurt Angle, the world champion, getting the same level of respect in the booking as world champion Gillberg did. * Stephanie McMahon announcing that she and HHH were starting a family, and, then, a couple days later saying that the family plans were on hold, since they apparently realized that they had no ending for a pregnancy story line. * The absolutely dismal nonending to the Stephanie-Angle-HHH love triangle story line, an ending that absolutely required that Stephanie turn on HHH for Angle. * The revelation that Rikishi drove down Steve Austin last year, with the ensuing terrible PPV match. * The combination of the above two story lines by having HHH revealed as the mastermind behind running over Austin. But wait, HHH was all primed for a huge face reaction should Stephanie leave him for Angle. The crowd was ready for it. Everybody except HHH was ready for it, apparently, since the build of that result was terminated by an unexpected an uninspired heelish revelation which led to a second-in-a-row unsatisfactory blow-ff match with Austin over the car incident. * Undertaker returning with his tag team partner, the watermelon in his belly, as an unstoppable force who stops any upward momentum of any wrestler he faces. His Nashlike ability to kill the appeal of anybody unlucky enough to work with him may deserve praise in some circles, but it just makes me sad * The build up of the Hell in the Cell match this Sunday on PPV as a match that will end a career. In reality, the match looks like it will suck the chrome off a bumper better than ECW's Francine, and they must be a bit concerned to pull out all the hype, and Vince McMahon no less, to help get it over. * Billy Gunn with Chyna became Billy G with Chyna became "The One" Billy Gunn without Chyna over just three shows. If that sort ofreally crappy decision-making occurred in any other promotion, everybody would be making jokes about it. And it isn't like they even ended their waffling on a good note. "The One"?! * The influx of Road Dogg's new partner K. Kwik, with his arrival seeming even more important thanks to all of the miserable losses his flashy moves have earned him. Man, I hope the decline starts soon. The promotion sure deserves it. I was going to write a list of all of the good things the promotion has done in the past month-or-so, but I can't think of one. Chris Jericho and Kane? An omission from the above "bad" list. I don't know how one can find anything good to say. It's like most of the ECW or WCW product. You can say, "Well, tried hard." Big deal. It doesn't matter if the match itself stunk, does it? You can say, "Revenue levels are strong." Who cares? I'm a wrestling fan, not an accountant. ______________________________________________________________________ If you have any feedback regarding my web pages, please send me e-mail. Don't forget to delete the leading "x" from my e-mail address; that "x" is my web spider spam guard. ______________________________________________________________________