______________________________________________________________________ I do not offer subscriptions to a mailing list! I do not e-mail images! ______________________________________________________________________ It's one thing after another this semester. Most people are saying that since my daughter is in daycare for her first winter she's catching everything under the sun, and her poor parents are facing it all too. Somehow, I managed to pick up a flu or a case of food poisoning on Sunday. Sunday night, coincidentally right after the PPV, I was sick to my stomach. I've eaten one piece of toast a day all week. ______________________________________________________________________ - This was the big weekend! Career vs. Title! A huge match-up that everybody had been waiting for. And did it deliver! The intensity, the moves, the charisma, and the finish. A retirement of such a noble star! Jeez. And that was all on Saturday, with Jim Duggan beating Steve Regal. We could hardly wait for Sunday. The WWF had No Way Out on PPV this past Sunday, 02/27/2000. Overall, the show seemed to deliver what the base audience wants. In recent weeks, the WWF's TV shows have featured more wrestling in longer matches, but that didn't carry over proportionately to the PPV, so I was a bit disappointed. For once when I write "they sold like it was 20 minutes in," I wish it would be 20 minutes in. Still, there was some good stuff on the show, I think, so my thumb is in the middle. I can't rave about the show because of the hype behind the main event. Poor Mick Foley actually got on TV beforehand and promised that he'd leap off the top of the cage and, watching the match, it seemed like that promise was what the whole match was built around. Mick doesn't have anything left, so he has to hype himself like a circus geek in a carnival freak show. It was depressing that the supposed fans of Foley were more interested in watching the guy take a risky bump off the top amidst loads of other garbage just so they could chant "Holy shit!" To me, that was never what being a wrestling fan was about, and, at this point, it isn't what being a Foley fan should be about it either. The guy has trouble counting, has memory problems, and can't bend down to talk to his children. And his "fans" want him to take another frigging bump off the top of a big cage. Sure, people will argue that the climactic bump was far safer than Foley's more famous off-the-cage tumble, but is this really the sort of thing that wrestlers should be doing? Is it really reasonably safe and is it reasonable to expect this from wrestlers? Remember Owen Hart? And, hell, didn't the gimmicked ring play a role in reducing the amount of actual wrestling in the earlier matches? When a quarter of the ring is weakened, it affects what can happen in the ring. Still, there was some good stuff. Before getting the run down, I want to point out that the opening sequence for this PPV, hyping the main event, was awesome in its production. The WWF really is the leader in putting together these sorts of things. Run down: * Kurt Angle beat Chris Jericho to win the IC Title: Chyna came out to shoot her big gun. The crowd yeeled "Y2J." Match opened well. Jericho did a springboard dropkick on Angle, who was on the apron and bumped to the floor. Outside, Jericho missed a charge at Angle and ended up clotheslining the post. This was weird because that spot was the beginning of the story that this match was going to tell (Angle works over Jericho's injured arm), yet Jericho didn't even sell it, reminding me of that phantom knee injury in the infamous Hulk Hogan vs. Ultimate Warrior 1990 match. The commentators also didn't seem to be briefed. It was like watching three teams -- Jericho, Angle, commentators -- who all had a different idea of what the match was about. I still think Jericho is really talented and that he had drawn tremendous reactions, even though his push hasn't followed up on those reactions like, oh, Rock's did, but his WCW aura seems to have been in no small part affected by the guys who he was in the ring with. Don't e-mail me and say I'm down on him, 'cause I'm not. With that said, outside the ring again, Jericho hit a godawful moonsault off the ring steps, which looked okay from a different angle in replay. Jericho was crotched on top coming in, and Angle hit a belly-to-belly superplex. Jericho worked off a head lock. They did a few two counts. Angle nailed an armbar, dropping down for what should have been a hot spot based on the arm injury earlier, but nobody worked that injury, so it meant nothing, except maybe in Angle's version of the match. Jericho rallied with a spin kick and a face crusher, still not selling the arm, which is where it got annoying. Jericho hit a flying forearm for a two count. Angle tried for a rana, but Jericho power bombed him twice. The commentators finally mentioned that Jericho's arm wasn't 100%. Angle hit another armbar, which should have been have the big heat wrestling spot, but you know the story at this point. Rope break. Angle hit the fireman carry slam for a two count. Angle got the title belt. The referee stopped him from using it. Jericho hit the lion tamer out of nowhere. Rope break. Outside, Chyna took a bump after colliding with Angle thanks to Jericho. Jericho suplexed Angle in. He went up for the lion sault, while the referee was looking out at Chyna. Angle raised the title belt into Jericho's head and covered for the three count at 10:14. Afterwards, in a weird meaningless scene, Earl Hebner ran in to explain the finish to the official referee, who said he didn't see any interference, so the decision stood. Despite everything that was odd about this match, it was a good opener. * Dudleyx beat the New Age Outlaws to win the WWF Tag Titles: Maybe the WCW commentators feel like they can say those stupid things about the Wall et. al. because Jim Ross gets away with calling the Outlaws the "greatest team in the history of the World Wrestling Federation." At least Jim Ross says those sort of huge lies only after the majority of moronic fans are willing to believe it, despite there being no evidence. It's similar to how WCW commentators can say great things about Goldberg and somehow still have credibility. D-Von did his head butt to the groin. They actually stayed in the ring, and an in-ring match with the Dudleyz involved feels like they are just clocking some time. Poor Jim Ross was reduced to the following commentary for the Dudleyz: "That's an impressive choke hold." During this match, all I could wonder was which of these four wrestlers sucks the most? Dogg caught Buh Buh on top. Superplex, and in came Ass. Famouser, but Buh Buh saves. Buh Buh used a "st... lead pipe," as Jim Ross called it (I guess steel pipes are not allowed as foreign objects). As the referee was checking on Ass outside the ring, Dogg was 3Ded for the pin at 5:20. The Outlaws argued with Jerry Lawler saying that Billy Gunn didn't hold up his end of the team. * Mark Henry beat Viscera: This match was added at the last second. JR: "This is not going to be a pretty match up. If you're into the star system, this isn't going to get a lot of stars." Now, Jim, don't be so hard on the match, it could get a lot of stars, with a negative sign in front. At the 2:30 mark, the crowd chanted 'boring." On cue, then, Mae ran in. They suffered technical problems. No, not the skills of the, ahem, wrestlers in this match, but satellite difficulties. Henry saved Mae from getting crushed again and got the pin himself at 3:44 of hell. * Edge & Christian beat the Hardy Boyz to earn the number one contender spot: The Acolytes came out to protect Terri Runnels, who was back after Buh Buh broke a table with his butt while holding Terri safely. They did a lot of spots, and it was quick and good, if indyish, for the first several minutes. At the six minute mark or so, it really started to drag, as both of these teams have no sense how to build for even a ten minute match. There was no heat either at this point, like the circus stunts were done and the fans didn't know what the wrestlers didn't know that they were doing. Edge tried a missile dropkick off the top, but was dropkicked by Jeff. That's what the commentators said, but when they showed the replay of this spot Edge was coming down vertically with no hope of executing anything resembling a dropkick. Oh well, spot, spot, spot. Edge saved Christian after a Hardy double team. At around 12 minutes in, it picked up again with more fast spots. Terri knocked Jeff of the top turnbuckle and slapped Matt. Christian scored the pin at 15:09. Terri tried to celebrate with the winners, but they acted like they didn't understand. As the Hardyz tried to get a hold of Terri, the Acolytes stormed the ring to lay them out. I guess the story line will be that they let the Dudleyz attack her, so she doesn't want to be with them any more. Later on, during an interview with the winners, it seemed like Edge might have communicated with Terri before the match, which I guess could let to an issue between him and Christian down the line. Had this been a great match, the angle would have hurt the overall rating, but those middle six minutes were bad, so I came away thinking that the angle was the point of the match and that it was pretty good. Still, these guys need to work with Benoit and co. to learn something. * Tazz DQ Big Boss Man: Match ran a whopping 49 seconds before Prince Albert ran in to save Boss Man from the Tazzmission. I guess they've realized that having Tazz in the ring for longer periods of time exposes him. After the match ended, the story was that the heels wanted to lay out Tazz, but Tazz kept getting back up. This was good booking, since getting up after all of these beatings amounts to not selling them, which is exactly what Tazz does best. Boss Man finally broke his night stick across Tazz' head, but Tazz being Tazz kept moving and getting up. For me, this whole segment exposed Tazz more than got him over. * X-Pac beat Kane in a no holds barred match: "No holds barred" equals "no DQ, no count out, and anythings goes," Jim Ross told us, making it much different from a "hardcore" match, right? Oh wait, in a hardcore match, the falls count anywhere, but here the match had to be decided in the ring. They walked to the entryway and did some garbage can shots before walking back to the ring throught the crowd. X-Pac belled Kane. Paul Bearer chaired X-Pac, so Tori attacked Bearer, only to run away from him. Kane got crotched, and X-Pac hit the bronco buster. Kane no sold. X-Pac started working on Kane's left knee. Kane caught X-Pac and was going to drop him, but X-Pac wriggled free and hit a low blow. Paul Bearer bumped, and Kane rallied. Tori tried to distract. X-Pac's attacked was blocked with a choke slam. Tori jumped in. Tombstone. X-Pac dropkicked the top level of the ring steps, which Kane had brought in earlier, onto Kane, who fell back with the "V" of the steps over his face, X-Pac climbed on top for the pin, 'cause "no holds barred" means that you pin the guy with steps on top of him. Sadly, they replayed the finish and we could clearly see that the steps didn't make any contact with Kane at all, but I guess the weight of the steps was supposed to be the issue. That's not how the commentators played it. Match ran 7:46. * Too Cool & Rikishi Phatu beat Chris Benoit & Perry Saturn & Dean Malenko: Rikishi was still working on the bad ankle, you know, the one that he danced on anyhow. Eddie Guerrero tried to attack Rikishi, who whacked Eddie's elbow with Eddie's foreign object. The radicals sold for the first three minutes, until Dean snuck in and dropkicked Rikishi in the leg. Good heat for this match. Taylor was worked over, finally hot tagging in Rikishi. "Rikishi driver" on Saturn. Instead of going for a pin, Rikishi stoppedas Brian Christopher talked him into letting Taylor come in to do the worm on Saturn. Taylor ended up getting dumped, though. Dean clipped Rikishi's knee a few times. Christopher hit the leg drop on Saturn. Benoit made the save with the head butt. Everybody except Dean & Rikishi left the ring. Dean worked on Rikishi's leg, but Dean was crotched and posted. Rikishi driver. Dean was dragged into the radicals' corner, which wasn't the closest one for Rikishi to choose. Sadly, though, one butt drop later, Dean was pinned at 12:41. Good match, but the radicals didn't get to do much on offense. Really, besides the leg drop and head butt off the top, there were no big moves, likely because the ring was gimmicked. In that sense, the match was disappointing. But the heat was tremendous. Afterward, the winning team danced, with Rikishi not selling his knee. * Big Slow beat Rock to earn the title match at WrestleMania 2000 (yeah, right): The commentators acted surprised that Rock made it to the PPV, given that he had been the victim of a severe attack on TV. But nobody could be surprised that Rock didn't sell any after-effects of that beating. They brawled into the crowd. The selling was atrocious. The referee didn't count them out. He counted all right, but somehow kept finding ways to start over. Rock's head was whipped into his forearm against the post. I know the idea was that his head was whipped into the post, or that he did his best to block the head shot into the post by raising his arm, but it just looked weak. Rock hit a Russian leg sweep for a two count. Rock hit a DDT for a two count. Slow rallied. Slow got a chair. He missed. They both moved so slowly, especially the Big Slow one. There was a referee bump. Choke slam, but no referee. Rock was pinned; I guessed that, like with the tainted victory that Benoit had over Rock on TV, they were building up opponents for Rock after Mania. Referee Tim White ran in to count, but Earl Hebner recovered from the bump and stopped White from counting. I guess they are building an issue between the referees. Amidst all of this, Shane McMahon reappeared, with music and a good reaction. He ran into the ring after Rock chaired Slow. Shane chaired Rock before he could do the elbow. Slow got the pin at 9:30. * Hunter Hearst Helmsley beat Cactus Jack in a hell in the cell match: Jack had promised that he would jump off the cage. The vampire fans only wanted to see that. Jack had his career on the line against HHH's WWF Title. They came out with the cage still up. When the cage came down, the door was heavily locked. The commentators said that there was no way that Cactus would be able to keep his promise, since he wouldn't be able to get on top of the cage. Stephanie yelled at Cactus that there was no way out. The whole match was about that stunt, established from the start. I noticed right away that the cage had holes in it: some of the mesh was trimmed so that there were holes slightly bigger than the standard mesh holes. In his book, Mick Foley said that it was really tough for him to climb up the hell in the cell in that other match, so these holes were obviously meant to make that easier. HHH bled. Jack threw the ring steps at HHH, missed, and the steps broke right through the cage wall, giving them an opening. Jack hurled his body through the cage opening to make it bigger. They left the cage. Jack did a piledriver on the table. Jack tried to climb the cage, using the holes. Stephanie stopped him. Jack rummaged through the timekeeper's area, bringing out his barbed wire wrapped 2x4. HHH tried to run, but took a head shot from the stick. HHH climbed up the cage, with Jack following with the 2x4, which had a handle so Jack could hook it on his arm and use both hands to climb. Jack tossed the stick up onto the cage, which made sense, and then ended up bumping off the side of the cage onto the table, similar to Shawn Michaels' most famous hell in the cell bump. Jack was gushing at this point. He tried to throw a bunch of chairs on top of the cage. He climbed up. They brawled on top. Would you trust the WWF safety standards and bump on the mesh on top of the cage? Because of Owen's death and because I actually like Mick Foley, I was hoping that he wouldn't take a stupid bump and that there wouldn't be an accident. I found myself wondering what this "match" really had to do with wrestling. HHH took a suplex on top. One corner of cage gave way. Cactus DDTed HHH. Cactus then lit the 2x4 on fire, just what we needed. He hit a head shot. As Foley was preparing for a power bomb or piledriver, HHH backdropped him. He landed on a patch of wire mesh that I guess they hadn't worked on yet, went right through it, landing in the ring, actually crashing through the mat. The mat didn't rip, but the idea was that his weight broke through whatever support was under the mat. Of course, if you've ever seen a ring put together, you know that that is silly and Cactus would be dead. This explained why matches earlier in the night had limited in-ring high impact wrestling. The crowd chanted "holy shit!" HHH climbed down into the ring. Foley lifted his arm to signal that he wasn't dead yet. HHH hit a pedigree and got the pin for the win at 24:01. There were pockets of ovation for Foley afterwards, although it wasn't as loud as the commentators made it out to be. The show went off the air 10 minutes early. In a horrible case of irony, there was an incident across Canada related to this PPV. In a recent program, various supertheatres across the country have been airing WWF PPVs on satellite on their big screens. This time around, and the program hasn't been around long, the crowds in at least 17 theatres were left a bit surprised when the operator at the satellite company accidentally flipped the wrong switch. When the show had wrapped up and people were getting their stuff together, instead of turning off the feed the operator switched to a feed from Venus, a hardcore porn channel. Theatre patrons, who spent $15 to see No Way Out, were treated with just over a minute of a woman performing oral sex on a man. The company explained that they are rewiring things so this cannot happen again, and they offered refunds and free tickets to their WrestleMania broadcast to fans. The sad irony, of course, came when parents were interviewed, saying that their eight-, ten-, or eleven-year-old children were in shock from what they had seen in that minute-or-so, that they would no have to explain sexual ideas to their children who had only ever seen a kiss before this. Wow, parents who would take their children to see a WWF PPV are upset that the children saw porn. Think about that. In a way, airing the WWF product alongside hard porn seems fitting. My friend Masaki sent me a copy of the "Americana '99" magazine, which features profiles on the stars of the three North American promotions. As I finished writing up my match run down for the PPV, I knew that there are going to be people on the net and otherwise who rate the dangerous and dumb spectacle of a main event super-highly as a wrestling match(?). Having received this "Americana" book on Friday, I could only think about the emotional effect that the last page (a montage dedicated to Owen Hart) had on me. So many people who wringed their hands -- wrestlers, fans, promoters -- really didn't learn a thing. Don't tell me that the big stunt went successfully, that the WWF had a slew of paramedics at ringside in case there was a problem. The problem had already occurred at that time: the lack of wrestling creativity and interest created a garbagy spectacle with a high-risk spot delivered by a guy who can't count or remember lots of details. Let's let him risk another concussion at best, broken and injured body parts in the middle, and severe injury at worst! We've got extra paramedics at ringside. He wants to do it. Hell, he suggested it. We can't say no to him, even if it is the compassionate answer. The fans want to yell "holy shit!" RAW RAW on 02/28/2000 opened with HHH & Stephanie coming to the ring. HHH said that he respected Mick Foley, with Stephanie seeming perturbed by the direction of the interview. The crowd chanted "we want Foley!" HHH called the PPV match the best match of his career. HHH said he had the production crew put together a highlight package for Foley. Stephanie seemed upset. After a positive minute of footage, it switched to just showing Foley take beatings or showed otherwise humiliating footage. Stephanie liked that. After some more celebrating, Shane McMahon came out with the Big Slow. Shane has been "waiting for [his] spot." Are they building a triangle match for WrestleMania? You've got to figure the Rock is in the main event. Shane laid into the Rock. Big Slow vs. HHH is such a terrible match on paper, isn't it? As the guys in the ring started talking without a microphone, Rock's music kicked in and the Poontang Kid came out to do what he does best: raise eyebrows and toss catchphrases. Rock called Stephanie a tramp, called everybody names, and then said that he'd be in the main event at Mania. Rock has to start over at rock bottom, which meant that he would face the Brooklyn Brawler later in the show. Based on PPV activity, the Hardy Boyz faced Bradshaw & Faarooq. Hardyz sold and bumped big for the heels. As with all Acolyte ventures, this match was a mess. The Hardyz got their revenge, though, with a surprise diamond cutter out of nowhere. They called the finishing move The Twist of Fate. Kurt Angle faced Rikishi Phatu for the European Title. They billed it as an open challenge, with Rikishi accepting. Angle went after the injured leg that never seems to be injured. Rikishi grinded his butt into Angle's face. Angle then took the count out on purpose. As he tried to leave, Chris Jericho came out, tossed Angle back in the ring, and Angle took the Rikishi driver and the butt drop. The Radicals ran in to attack Jericho and Rikishi. Dean got to attack Chyna. Too Cool made the save. I sensed a dance. Of course, the impotent Radicals were sent scurrying. Too Cool talked Jericho & Chyna into dancing with them. They even had extra sunglasses for them. I could live without all of this. Saturn challenged Jericho. Edge & Christian faced Steve Blackman & Al Snow. Terri Runnels came out uninvited, carrying a garbage bag. She ended up pulling the headcheese gimmick out of the bag to taunt Blackman. Blackman was then missile dropkicked and speared for the pin. Terri complained that the Hardyz never came to visit her. Rock faced Brooklyn Brawler. In short order, Rock hit the rock bottom for the pin. Jerry Lawler said that HHH vs. Big Slow would be the best WrestleMania main event ever, tongue firmly in cheek. Rock called out HHH. HHH went to the ring, held back by Stephanie. Shane McMahon & Big Slow came out, too, with Shane explaining that he didn't want Rock to goad HHH into putting the title belt on the line. Rock said "if WrestleMania is going to be HHH & the Big Show, then WrestleMania is going to suck." After a huddle, Stephanie announced that Rock had one last chance: if Rock were to pin either Big Slow or HHH tonight then he would be number one contender again. Chris Jericho faced Perry Saturn. Chyna accepted the earlier challenge. Saturn was accompanied by Dean Malenko. I was nervous that this would set up a somewhat mixed tag team match. Saturn did a pump handle suplex and a twisting leg drop out of the corner. The leg drop didn't really connect. Unfortunately, that was the one moment that the commentators talked about the match. Crowd chanted "Y2J." The punches in this match were horrible, as neither guy really throws missed punches well. Dean ended up attacking Jericho outside the ring. When Chyna interjected, Dean attacked her and tossed her in the ring. Saturn suplexed her. Jericho went back in. While he was trying to stop Dean fro mgetting in the ring (why was he trying to get in the ring when Saturn was in control?), Chyna snuck in to low blow Saturn. Jericho got the pin while Chyna held Dean outside. Man, those Radicals are punk jobbers. Have they won a match without Benoit involved? Billy Gunn, with his arm in a sling from the injury the night before, complained that HHH was going to remove him from the return tag title match. He said that with one arm he was twice as good as HHH. The other three DX members laid him out. Hmmm, was Gunn interference going to play a role in HHH losing later this night? Losing the title at Mania? Give him a program for after Mania? Mark Henry faced Crash Holly for the hardcore title. Henry squashed him. Mae Young came in. She splashed Holly and then held her belly. It was terrible on many levels. She kept yelling "my baby." Back from a commercial, Jim Ross announced that he was told that Mae Young was in labor. But they then cut to the backstage area, where she was still being wheeled on the stretcher. "She's not going to make it to the hospital!" So they wheeled her into an empty room. Oh lord. Tazz faced Chris Benoit. If anybody can make Tazz look okay, it would have to be Benoit. Tazz didn't even hint that he was attacked so brutally the night before. He could be the next Rock. Benoit was accompanied by Eddie Guerrero. I love watching Benoit. Of course, finally making Tazz look good wasn't the point, it seemed, since they had Boss Man and Albert run in to attack Tazz. This time, Tazz stayed down for a few seconds. Mae Young asked for a cigar before delivering her baby. Pat Patterson & Jerry Brisco acted sick after looking under the blanket. The EMT guy questioned whether Mae was pregnant. After a commercial, just as I wondered if it could get any crasser, Mae farted and everybody held his nose. The doctor used pliers. Mark Henry help him pull. Out popped a white hand covered in some sort of gelatin. Pat Patterson yelled "let's give Mae a hand!" Dudley Boyz faced Road Dogg & X-Pac for the WWF Tag Titles. Tori had a neck brace on after the tombstone. Dudleyz had set up a table at ringside. This match was largely in the ring, and, with the Dudleyz involved, that was bad news. As X-Pac hit the bronco buster, Kane came out with pyro. X-Pac ran away, but Road Dogg charged Kane. Kane choke slammed both Dudleyz and Road Dogg. They aired a short video on Mick Foley. It was really well-produced. I think the promotion is going to miss him, 'cause he was largely responsible for the new flavour. The vampire fans are going to miss him because nobody else is as crazy. Big Slow & HHH faced Rock to determine whether Rock gets the WrestleMania title shot. Weird that Shane McMahon was smart enough to avoid letting HHH get goaded into putting the title on the line against Rock on this show, in which case Big Slow would still be in the title match at WrestleMania, but he wasn't smart enough to avoid putting his guy Big Slow's title shot on the line in a match where Slow doesn't even have full responsibility for the outcome. Jim Ross mentioned Billy Gunn five seconds in, foreshadowing no doubt. They brawled onto the ramp, with Rock managing to keep control most of the time. Well, when he lost control, he never sold it. Oh, wait, what was I thinking. He finally stayed down in the ring for a few seconds, with the heels taking control. HHH choked him. Match was pretty bad because it relied on Rock's ability to get the punishment over, definitely not his strength. And Big Slow looked just horrible, as usual. Without a garbage wrestling framework that goes for spectacle or shock, these guys are exposed as the mediocre wrestlers they are. Rock rallied on HHH, but was cut off. Big Slow miscued, nailing an elbow on HHH by mistaked and taking a DDT for his efforts. Rock tossed Slow, decked Shane, and hit the rock bottom on HHH. People's elbow. Shane made the save for the DQ, keeping Big Slow's spot. He hit a low blow on Rock. They destroyed Rock. Don't worry, Rock won't show any ill effects on Smackdown. Nitro Nitro on 02/28/2000 featured a Sid vs. Tank Abbott main event, first hyped on Thunder last week and hyped at the open of this show as well. They mixed that in with hype for Jeff Jarrett vs. Sid at Uncensored and Jeff Jarrett saying that he gets a title shot at Uncensored regardless of who the champion is. All I could think is they were either killing the Tank Abbott experiment way early or they finally realized that Sid isn't drawing based on ratings and PPV buys and figured they'd try putting Tank over. The timing seems right to put Tank over. He could beat Jarrett at Uncensored and then build to what could be a hot match against a returning Goldberg. In any case, an Abbott win would be the only interesting thing in the entire promotion. Of course, that seemed to suggest a lame run-in ending. The Mamalukes faced Lenny Lane & Lodi. Match was nothing special, although Johnny the Bull still shows a lot of promise with such little experience. Miss Hancock came out for commentary, but ended up dancing on the commentary table. Everybody stopped what they were doing to watch. Big Vito recovered first and scored the pin. The Mamalukes asked Miss Hancock to dance with them, and she did. The Harris Twins ran in to attack the champs. I guess that was designed to get a heel reaction since the woman stopped dancing, but it was greeted with silence. The Harris Twins did a horrible partial interview before their music kicked up. One can infer that they want a title shot, but they didn't even say that. During the run down for the show, Tony Schiavone mentioned that Kevin Nash was taken to the hospital for more examination after taking a guitar shot from Sid Vicious. I think he meant Jeff Jarrett. Buff Bagwell hit on Liz. Bam Bam Bigelow picked Sid as the winner of the main event, saying that he has the experience. Oh lord, Riki Rachtman was back with another Nitro Party. Hulk Hogan did a canned interview, saying that Jimmy Hart muttered a single word while in the slow-rolling coffin heading to the emergency room: "yappapi." (sp?) Hogan went on to talk about a "yappapi" Indian strap match with Ric Flair, presumably for Uncensored. Ric Flair still cuts a great promo, but there's nothing modern about what he's hyping. That wouldn't be bad if he was involved in the one legends-type match of an event, but the whole promotion is built around old farts, so I can't even enjoy Flair's work due to the broader picture. Luger complained that Buff Bagwell had the nerve to hit on the most beautiful woman in wrestling. But we saw him hit on Liz, not Torrie Wilson. How confusing. Curt Hennig came out to challenge Ric Flair. Hennig told Flair to "show everybody [his] puppies." If Hennig were to lose, he'll streak naked next week. Jeff Jarrett pretty much promised a run-in for the main event. Great. He also called the next PPV "Uncensored 2000." Booker T faced Billy Kidman. T had new music, which means he drew absolutely no reaction. This match took place because Booker was upset with Kidman over their failed tag venture last week. Booker called Torrie Wilson a hoochie. I wondered how they could screw this match up. Mark Madden talked about Booker T being a "tough, strong, heavy metal type of guy," saying that his new intro music was heavy metal. Huh. With Torrie Wilson on the apron at the two minute mark and Booker talking to her, the Harris Twins ran in and laid out everybody. Oh, let's have them run in on every match. Great idea! Backstage Stevie Ray told us that "a hard head makes a very soft ass." Lash LeRoux picked Sid Vicious to win the main event, 'cause "that dog can hunt." They showed clips from some bodybuilding get together, including a shot of Arnold Schwarzeneggar. Norman Smiley explained that Terry Funk was his inspiration for winning the hardcore title and that he was going to step up on Funk's behalf to take on Dustin Rhodes. Brian Knobs faced Three Count in a handicap match for the hardcore title. Does that make sense? A million garbage can shots. It was beyond horrible. It was all Knobs, which seemed to signal a fluke upset and a comedy story line spinning out of it. Knobs set up a table in the aisle. Evan took a power bomb through the table. Shane & Shannon got their first shots in. Three Count piled on for the win. A bunch of mutant fans chanted that Sid would beat Tank Abbott. Boy, it sure seemed like they were going to put Abbott over. Knobs said he'd have a rematch, at Uncensored? Fit Finlay said he & Knobs & "the dog" would face Three Count in a six man at Thunder. Norman Smiley faced "American Dream 2000" Dustin Rhodes. Funk will face Dustin at Uncensored. Sadly and stupidly, they put Dustin over Norman, a finish nobody in the crowd seemed to want. Referee Nick Patrick was the first guy to say that Tank Abbott would win the main event. Jeff Jarrett faced El Vampiro for the US Title. If there's any sense in the company, they would find a way to have Vampiro win the title. Jarrett has been fined $30K in monopoly money for hitting WCW officials with guitars. Mark Madden keeps telling us how much the people love Vampiro, yet you don't see anybody reacting to him during his ring entrances. Match opened pretty well. Vampiro missed a somersault splash. They show "Uncensored" and "20 days until" graphics during the match. The buy rate will definitely go up with those little touches. Tony Schiavone called one of the moves a monkey flip, and Mark Madden said he should be careful, making reference to Sid. Vamp's sleeper was countered with a suplex, but Vamp rolled through and landed on his knees. Jarrett worked on the legs. The Harris Twins ran in. Vamp nailed both of them. Sid ran out. As he laid into the Harris boys in the aisle, the referee decided that was more important than the match. In the ring, Jarrett used the belt on Vamp, but only scored a two count. Vamp missed a leg drop off the top. Jarrett hit the stroke for the clean pin. This promotion is out to lunch. Mark Madden tried to push that Vampiro battled Jarrett "totally even." The Mamalukes got a guy to deliver a present to the Harris Twins. Riki Rachtman explained that Three Count brings the chicks out. During the break, Fit Finlay attacked Vampiro backstage. As the Nitro Girls danced, David Flair came into the ring to dance with them. Daffney came in the ring; she looked upset at David for hitting on the Nitro Girls. Luckily for all of us, they made up. Throughout the show, they aired a "Night of Championships" graphic before the title matches. Next up was Prince Iaukea vs. David Flair for the Cruiserweight Title. Crowbar did guest commentary, saying that everything that David Flair does is "textbook technical perfection." Crowbar parodied Gordon Solie, complete with crimson mask, "suplay," and pier six brawl. Daffney and Paisley brawled. Prince got the pin with the jumping DDT. Backstage, Sid was being checked out by medics, with a broken guitar lying at his feet. Hmmm, could that set up the title change? The Harris Twins were delivered the dead fish from the Mamalukes. The medics said that Sid Vicious should refrain from any exertion this night, but he was still going to work his main event. Ernest Miller faced Maestro. Miller has weird charisma. Too bad he can't work. Maestro hair was all tousled, like he's going insane from listening to rap music. Maestro used Symphony's radio to knock out Cat for the win. Horrible. Lex Luger misplaced his bat. Billy Kidman picked Tank Abbott in the main event. Ric Flair faced Curt Hennig. In case anybody forgot, there are 20 days until Uncensored. They mentioned that Flair and Hogan would have a yappapi Indian strap match. That's another difference between WCW and the WWF. In the WWF, Rock & HHH would have a poontang pie Indian strap match. Nick Patrick bumped from a Hennig clothesline. Just then, Hennig hit the Hennigplex. Lex Luger ran in for the save and then walked off. As everything came back together in the ring, Ric Flair kicked Hennig low and scored the pin. Flair whipped Hennig with the strap. Meng made no choice for the main event. Lex Luger faced Buff Bagwell. With the bat missing, one had to expect that Sting would appear during this match. Luger worked on Buff's neck. They did one of the worst swinging neckbreakers since Faarooq last attempted the move. As Buff had the cover on Luger, Liz put her foot on the ropes. Ric Flair ran out with Hogan's strap. He tossed the strap to the side of the ring as he came in. The ref didn't call for the bell. When the Harris boys interfere they ring the bell immediately. Finally, the referee signalled for the DQ. As they started to lay into Bagwell, Sting came out. He hid behind the apron and then snuck in on Luger. Bat shots all around, none of which made the air on TSN. Tank Abbott challenged Sid Vicious for the WCW Title. Tank rode to the ring on his motorcycle. They really needed to get UFC footage of Abbott, but that probably required some effort. Tank attacked Sid with a choke straightaway. Tank had his fists taped and didn't wear his gloves. Sid had his ribs taped. If Tank were to lose this match with so many advantages, we could write him off. The commentators said that Tank was going to win, that Sid had nothing in him. Tank hit a camel clutch. He didn't let Sid power up. We could hear Sid's gasping breath; it reminded me of a Dusty Rhodes interview. Tank played to the crowd. Sid rallied with a sleeper on Tank, dropping him into the crossface. He lost the hold but put it back on. Tank tapped. Oh shit. They have no clue. - WCW has Uncensored on 03/19/2000. Line-up has * Jeff Jarrett vs. ? for the WCW Title * Harris Twins vs. Mamalukes for the WCW Tag Titles * Hulk Hogan vs. Ric Flair in a strap match * Terry Funk vs. Dustin Rhodes * Brian Knobs vs. Three Count for the Hardcore Title - The WWF has WrestleMania on 04/02/2000. - Hey, so you're all happy that Chris Benoit & company jumped to the WWF? So am I, since it immediately and noticeably improved the quality of their TV product. But here's the cost: none of them will be participating in the Japanese Super J tournament, a card at which we usually get a few legitimate wrestling match of the year candidates. As nice as it is to see them, ahem, raise the game in the WWF, it doesn't seem like any match of the year candidates are on the horizon. - The WWF has Backlash on 04/30/2000. - The WWF has Judgment Day on 05/21/2000. - The WWF has King of the Ring on 06/25/2000. - The WWF has Fully Loaded on 07/23/2000. ______________________________________________________________________ If you have any feedback regarding my web pages, please send me e-mail. Don't forget to delete the leading "x" from my e-mail address; that "x" is my web spider spam guard. ______________________________________________________________________