From: kzim@watserv.ucr.edu (Christopher Robin Zimmerman)
Newsgroups: rec.sport.pro-wrestling
Subject: WWF Monday Night Raw - 1/3/93
Keywords: Accept no imitations!
Message-ID: <26885@galaxy.ucr.edu>
Date: 2 Mar 93 22:01:38 GMT
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WWF Monday Night Raw, shown "live" 1.3.93 on the USA Network.

Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Randy Savage, and Elvis Presley, who bears a  
suspicious resemblance to Rob Bartlett.

Bret Hart v. Fatu.  You don't suppose we'll get a dastardly run-in by Samu,  
setting up a dastardly double team, injuring Hart and changing the  
WrestleMania Main Event?  Nah.  Boring lockups, boring headlock, boring power  
out by Fatu.  Fatu misses landing on Hart and Hart goes to work on the prone  
Headshrinker.  Arm bar, Fatu powers out, Hart nimbly steps aside and Fatu  
knees the cornerpost.  Arm bar, verse two by Hart.  Fatu powers out again.   
Shoulderblock by Hart, Fatu hooks Hart while he tries to leapfrog over him  
and Hart goes down.  Fatu plays the crowd in a boastful way, and sure enough  
Bret sneaks up on him and tries the small package, 2 count.  Resume arm bar.   
Again Fatu powers out, but puts his head down.  Hart takes the head and rams  
it into the canvas, clearly demonstrating that he hasn't done his homework.   
Fatu instantly gets up and slams Hart for a 2 count.  Hart gets up but is  
clotheslined.  Another 2 count.  Hmmm...Fatu v. Yokozima...nah.  Fatu with  
the Vulcan neck pinch (!), and when he's tired of doing that, pulls Harts  
hair to shove his head into the canvas.  Fatu continues the deadly nerve  
pinch.  Eyepoke.  Bret manages to get up and runs into Fatu's elbow for the  
trouble.  Out comes Samu (what a shock!), and, as if on cue, Bret has a  
resurgence.  Fatu kicks out at the 2 count, and Hart rolls out of the ring,  
meeting the second Headshrinker.  While Afa distracts the referee, (yes)  
"Blind" Dave Hebner, Samu bodyslams Hart on the mats, and into the STEEL  
steps he goes.  Vince decides that this is probably a good time for an ad  
break.  When we return, the Hitman is still outside the ring (amazingly, he  
has not been counted out).  Fatu drags Bret back in and head butts him, then  
takes him from corner to corner.  Two more headbutts, and a 2 count (These 2  
counts are starting to look ridiculous).  Fatu munches on the skull.  Fatu  
with piledriver, and another 2 count (Good God!)  If Hebner could hit the  
canvas at normal speed, Fatu would've won the belt three or four times by  
now.  Fatu munches on the skull again.  Hart, who had had a healing cut on  
his nose at the beginning of the match, has reopened the wound.  Fatu whips  
Hart into the corner again, and again attempts the pin, and again is denied  
at 2.  Fatu with side suplex, headbutt from the top rope, 2 count.  If only  
Afa had taught Fatu the figure four...Fatu climbs to the top rope again, and  
for no particular reason, Hart springs to life and trips up the Samoan.  Fatu  
does the soprano bit with the top tope.  Hart with a superplex, but amazingly  
only gets a 2 count.  Whip to the corner, 2 count.  Backbreaker.  Knee off  
the top rope, and yes, the sharpshooter.  But unfortunately, Afa has  
distracted the Blind One, allowing Samu (who apparently has been sitting at  
ringside all this time) to blindside Hart.  Hart turns around and bombs Samu,  
Hebner counts to 2 not realizing Samu is in the ring.  Again Afa gets up on  
the apron, again Hebner is distracted, and again a Samoan blindsides Hart.   
Hart puts Fatu in a sleeper, and when Samu stops THAT, Hart hits Samu with  
such force that he falls to the floor.  He then hits Afa for good measure,  
grabs Hebner, and puts the sharpshooter on Fatu.  Hebner counts a pinfall.   
Then, Hebner realizes Fatu is on his stomach, and asks for the submission.   
He gets it.  Guess it's live after all.  Whew!

Now THAT was a great match...except I wish they'd slow down the workrate so I  
could keep up with writing the action.  I wish Hart had been screwed out of  
the belt, though.  It would've been the perfect booking.

Elvis is eating on camera.  Apparently, you aren't supposed to do that.

Mean Gene Okerlund with the WrestleMania IX report, sponsored by ICOPRO.   
Much better opening graphics, BTW.  Sure enough, Money, Limited challenges  
the Mega-Ultimate-Maniacs at WrestleMania.  First I'd heard, and first you'd  
heard too, at least on WWF Television.  Gonzales/'Taker.  Tatanka/Michaels  
for the IC belt.  Perfect/Luger.  And of course, Yokozuna against Fatu, er I  
mean the Hitman.  Okerlund makes an attempt at a Joey Buttafuoco joke, and  
fails miserably.

Via satellite, "live" is Crush on the beaches of Havaii.  Vince asks Crush if  
he wouldn't mind picking a winner in the Crush-Doink WM match.  Crush uses a  
coconut as a metaphor for Doink.  Guess what he does with it.

Koko B. Ware v. Doink (The Clown)  Doink has a gift-wrapped package.  He  
squirts the audience with his flower and offers the present to various  
audience members, always pulling the package away.  Ware comes out to the  
Bird theme...huh, I thought Money, Limited injured his knee.  Of course,  
Doink jumps Koko and works on the same knee (Aha! Semi-continuity!)  Doink  
spends the whole match working on the knee, while Koko spends the whole match  
on his bag wiggling (insert mental picture here).  Doink quickly wins with  
the (Kunze) Stump Puller.  Elvis gets up from the announcer's table to get  
Doink's autograph, then asks him for something to eat.  Doink opens the box  
and pulls out a tiny cream pie for Elvis, and then pulls out a regular sized  
cream pie, and...well, I think you can figure it out.  That Doink, you gotta  
love 'im.

There's some sort of poetic justice in my discovering there's going to be a  
"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III" while watching a WWF show.

Promos:  ICOPRO (Hart), WWF Figures (includes Bulldog), Slim Jim (Savage)

Vince interviews Money, Limited.  The "Irwin" chant is deafening.  DiBiase  
pads the interview by talking about the retiring CEO of American Express, God  
knows why.  Anyway, DiBiase compares You Know Who to Beefcake (long hiatus  
not good for wrestling ability), while Schyster says casing Beefcake was "a  
wake up call."  The briefcase is now called the "Beefcase" and there is a  
picture of Hogan (cut from a merchandise catalog!) pasted to the case.  Yes,  
the titles will be ON THE LINE at WrestleMania (as if there was any doubt).   
And, yes, there is no love lost for Jimmy Hart.  Lukewarm crowd reaction once  
the "Irwin"ing settles down.

The Narcissist v. P.J. Walker  Kick to the gut, elbow to the back, whip to  
the corner, whip to the opposite corner, yeah yeah yeah...very impressive,  
Lex.  Phone call from Bobby Heenan which mercifully takes my mind off the  
match.  Heenan knows that isn't Elvis, it's George Steinbrenner in disguise.   
Heenan says he knows 'cause Priscilla Presley is serving him drinks at his  
house even as we speak.  Anyway, Luger with the "Pinky Pin" and even Hebner  
can get to three with Walker out cold.  Luger has a nice little speech for  
the camera.  Vince promises the next match will feature "the Steiner  
Brothers...Rob and Scott!"

Dwayne Gill and Barry Hardy v. The Steiner Brothers.  Savage chides McMahon  
for butchering Rick's name.  Gill and Hardy are classic, as always.  What can  
I say.  This weeks' finisher is the Frankensteiner (by Scott).

WWF Mania ad.  I'm tired of this ad.

Promos:  GI Joe, "The Flintstones" Trading Cards, "Double Dragon 3" Genesis  
cart

Next week:  Money, Limited v. Miracle Jobber Combination
            Mr. Perfect v. The Model (Who?)

For those of you wondering how last week's Skinner/'Taker match turned out,  
they didn't say.  Guess it was on WWF Mania and I missed it.  Yeah.

Christopher Zimmerman / Five months of WWF on USA Reports in the Archives
  / kzim@watserv.ucr.edu / kzim@ucrmath.ucr.edu / zimmerma@ucrengr.ucr.edu /