Slobberknocker Central Monday Night Recap #209 November 15th, 1999 The Opening Word: I guess I must be a really bad person, because I thought the Big Show angle on SmackDown! last Thursday was funny. I know it's supposed to be offensive, and it was tasteless to be sure--I don't blame anyone out there who might have been offended, but I laughed anyway. I'm not even sure if that's the reaction the WWF was going for, as the Bossman still has yet to draw any real heel heat from it. Watching that show, the PPV this Sunday, and now the two Monday night wrestling programs, I've come to the conclusion that it's pointless to gripe about wrestling being offensive anymore. It's time now to, as a fan, either shut up and enjoy, or quit watching, because until mass public opinion changes, it ain't gonna get any better. This is what most people want to see, and with WCW hiring the WWF's writers, and making a conscious decision to pander to the same crowd as the WWF, don't expect any one company to occupy the moral high ground over the other. The WWF, now more than ever feeling the bite of competition, is going to keep pushing the envelope. WCW, meanwhile, had to have noticed that Paul Wight riding a casket towed by a car drew more viewers than most every WCW broadcast ever. If they could figure out a way to do something similar that they could get past their Standards & Practices people, you damn well know they would do it. I can't, and won't bother to, defend what the WWF does. Neither should WCW's fans, who are now starting to feel that same way, what with their company going further and further into territory only the WWF had dared to tread before. WCW wanted mainstream success, and it looks like they may just get a taste of it, though at the cost of that "family entertainment" tag they've hung on their door for the past several years. There really is no difference between the two promotions anymore. Good wrestling matches on TV have all but disappeared in favor of something called "Crash TV", a stylistic format geared towards appealing to the attention span-deficient MTV generation. Any talk of which promotion has the better WRESTLERS is now moot. It's all about characters, gimmicks and angles. So if you're on the Net to complain about one show or the other lacking good matches, get in line with the rest of us. I think we all miss them. If you want to discuss something one company did right, or something you think they messed up, then that's all well and good. But if you're just on the Net to complain about the lines either company crosses, and try to paint one as being morally "better" than the other, then forget it. If you're offended then so be it, and if you must give voice to a complaint then so be it too, but don't try to turn that into an argument that whichever company has offended has crossed a line the other won't or hasn't, because both companies have pretty much crossed every line there is to cross, and there's no going back. It does no good to complain to me about it--I'm not going to defend the WWF. By the same token WCW fans shouldn't pull a Bob Ryder and actually defend WCW by saying, in essence, "oh well, it's okay because the WWF does it too." (I wonder if Bob would just as quickly shrug his shoulders if the WWF fired back at WCW by making fun of Scott Hall being a drunk?) I'll even grant you the notion that the WWF goes farther than WCW. Hell, the WWF itself will proudly admit it! But as I wrote in these pages several months ago, we're talking about a territory that WCW too treads in, now more than ever. The only thing that's changed is in their quest for ratings, WCW finally admits it. When they stick a girl in a bikini in the ring, and Tony Schiavone exclaims "it's all about ratings!", then any pretense of WCW being a family-safe alternative goes out the window. I hope WCW sticks to their guns and stays true to this course. By that I mean if they plan on going this route, then go at it full-bore. Don't pull back in a few months and try to shove a line of crap down my throat about how the WWF is trash while they're art. Don't cry foul if the WWF decides to retaliate at all these cheap shots that they've taken at them. Don't do hardcore matches without blood, T&A matches without the T&A, and don't keep having the wrestlers go out there and say "slapnuts" if you're going to keep bleeping them! Anything less and WCW will come off as a second-rate copy of the WWF, or ECW. WCW wanted a war, and now they got one. It's too late to start crying if/when the bodies start piling up. If all this seems a bit cryptic, reading what happened on both shows should make things clearer. The WWF continued their trend of offensive angles this week. Not to be outdone, WCW threw out a few of their own. And you know what? None of it bothered me all that much. Like I said above, maybe that makes me a bad person. Be that as it may, I do know that I'm the type of person both companies desperately hope is watching their shows. If one show or the other has finally driven you out the door, I'll say I'm sorry to see you go. The rest of us, though, will stay behind and continue to quibble over who's copying who, who does the better angles, and which sports entertainer has the best catchphrase. (What else do we have, now that Vince Russo has almost singlehandedly eliminated quality wrestling matches from BOTH major North American promotions?) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WCW Monday Nitro: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Three Hours+. Location: Little Rock, Arkansas. HOUR ONE Hosted By: Tony Schiavone and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. - SCREAMIN' NORMAN SMILEY vs. JIMMY HART A match right away? Clearly this wouldn't be a "good match", so any entertainment derived from it would have to come on the humor front. Smiley comes out wearing football gear. Hart counters by wearing a full suit or metal armor. Okay, that's funny. The match is basically the two no-selling repeated foreign object shots. Brian Knobbs runs in to help Hart. Hart then tries to put Smiley through a table at ringside, but Smiley moves, then pins Hart on the floor. Knobbs pounds on Smiley afterwards. Smiley is funny, but his gimmick is rapidly becoming more limited and repetitive than the Rock's catchphrases. Mike Tenay interviews Curt Hennig. Kimberly says something to Terry Taylor as she walks by him. Oh yeah, this is MUCH better than what the WWF was doing with him. Scott Hall enters the building with what I assume is Kevin Nash, made up this week to look like a Sasquatch. Schiavone says he's supposed to be Sid. I'll take his word for it. - Tenay interviews some of the Nitro Girls (taped earlier in the day). Turns out one of the Nitro Girls quit, and as she's being dissed by those left behind, some of the other Nitro Girls attack. Refusing to learn any of their names makes this really hard for me to follow. - Nash comes out to imitate Sid. "Ruler of the World!" is repeated several times. Sid comes out and challenges Nash to a match. Nash passes because he's still retired. Okay, so who's the face here? Tenay chats with Booker T. Get this: the two members of Creative Control have been named "Patrick" and "Gerald". Get it? GET IT?! Booker says something about "midnight" striking, so I'll go along with everyone else and assume that's the name of the big black mystery woman from last week. Kimberly would like to see the PTB. She and one of Creative Control share a lame-o moment. On the technical goof front, music (the Beastie Boys?) plays in the background behind the next set of "promotional consideration" spots. - Kimberly isn't happy that she has to wrestle tonight. Vic Venom tells her that so long as she's under WCW contract, and isn't a Nitro Girl, she has to wrestle. Asya will be her opponent, and there'll be a special referee. The Informer then orders Creative Control to take care of Booker T. Kevin Nash then comes in, upset about something. - BOOKER T. vs. CREATIVE CONTROL Handicap match. If Booker T. is such a problem, why don't the PTB just fire him? This is the fatal flaw in the entire all-encompassing PTB storyline. Why are they bothering with crap like this? Why piss off Booker by "suspending" Stevie Ray? Why the deal with Curt Hennig? Why do the PTB have nothing better to do than make Madusa's life a living hell? How many times do they have to beat up Buff Bagwell before they realize that they've failed to prove how powerful they are? And why is it WE can see this powerful army of disgruntled employees slowly massing against them, but they can't? Most of all, how in God's name do they expect us to boo them for the heels they've clearly portrayed themselves to be, yet cheer them at Tony Schiavone's behest for all these wonderful things they've done to boost ratings? The WWF handled questions like these in the Steve Austin/Vince McMahon storyline by 1) having Vince explain why he wouldn't fire Steve Austin, and 2) not asking us to applaud McMahon's behind-the-scenes accomplishments. On the other hand Eric Bischoff had to answer these same kinds of questions when he wrote himself in as a character and, well, look what ultimately happened to him. Some token offense from Booker aside, Creative Control win this one in a breeze. Oh no--he's being buried in the midcard! The lights then go out (nice to see WCW "borrowing" an ECW gimmick for a change), and That Chick comes in for the save. A look backstage at the first family sees Jerry Flynn get pissed off at the Barbarian for no reason and walk out. Goldberg has finally dragged his lazy ass to work. - PTB #1 is pissed at Creative Control for losing. Their old gimmicks (Jacob & Eli Blu, the DOA) are mentioned, just to make us smarks go "ooh!" The two are ordered to round up Torrie and the luchadores. - JOHNNY BOONE vs. EVAN KARAGIAS (w/ Madusa) Boone is the referee Evan got into a shoving match with last week. I'm surprised they didn't save this one for PPV (like all their other Insta-Feud matches). Madusa delivers color commentary which could induce a REM sleep cycle. Boone and Karagias are both in street clothes, and the sloppy punches and knees they deliver makes this look like amateur hour. The match just goes through the motions until Madusa interferes by stuffing Boone's face between her saline bags. Boone passes out or something, and Karagias gets the pin. Hey, wasn't it just a week or two ago that Madusa was feuding with the Powers That Be because she didn't want to wear skimpy clothes and act like a slut? So what is she doing now? Wearing skimpy clothes and acting like a slut. The luchadores, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, have gathered in Russo's office. Russo tells them that he's going to stick $10,000 in Juventud Guerrera's piņata and give them all stick to bash it with. Hey, there's "Dr. Death" Steve Williams, and he's got Good Old J.R. with him (or a reasonable facsimile thereof). - Torrie is proving difficult to find. - JUVENTUD GUERRERA vs. PSYCHOSIS vs. VILLANO V vs. EL DANDY vs. SILVER KING The piņata falls off the pole right away, but everyone in the ring ignores it. Steve Williams and "Jim Ross" come out for color commentary. I thought he looked familiar, but wouldn't have known it was Ed "Powers That Be" Ferrara were it not all over the Net. He has down Ross' sayings and mannerisms, which is funny. He also mimics Ross' Bells Palsy, which is terribly unfunny. Silver King winds up with the piņata, but Williams enters the ring, beats up all the luchadores, and pockets the check himself. Williams looks to be in great shape, and I can't help but think had he been in this good a shape when he entered the WWF, Bart Gunn might not have knocked him on his ass. I guess Williams isn't the big friend Ross thought he was. Goldberg gives Tenay his thoughts on Curt Hennig. - Tenay interviews Nash, who is minus the Sid makeup. Nash says he "retired" from WCW because, at the time, it sucked. (The irony here being that Nash was the HEAD BOOKER during the time in question.) The PTB have ended Nash's retirement, and tonight he faces Sid in the main event. - GOLDBERG vs. CURT HENNIG The two spend a few minutes brawling in the back and down the aisle. Once in the ring Goldberg gets the relatively quick win with a leg submission. (Leg submission?) Of course this works out for Hennig, since he didn't lose by pinfall, he doesn't have to retire. Goldberg then sends the crowd home happy by nailing the Spear and Jackhammer--the method by which Goldberg has won every other match besides this one. Kimberly is talking to hubby Diamond Dallas Page on the phone. Suddenly the lights begin to flicker. She fears it may be David Flair, but it turns out to be "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan, who is doing custodial work. Don't these arenas have their own janitorial staffs? I can see the PTB having Duggan doing menial tasks for them, but how could they get him into this position? Does arena management just turn over the keys to WCW, leaving the operation and upkeep of the building entirely up to them? "Be sure to lock up before you leave!" Creative Control run into the Filthy Animals. When asked about Torrie they play dumb, but become a bit more cooperative when violence is threatened. - Duggan, needing to replace a fuse, is fortunate that Amway salesman Chavo Guerrero happens by. Oh yeah, this is a great push for Chavo. None of us actually wanted to see him WRESTLE anymore anyway, right? HOUR TWO Hosted By: Tony Schiavone and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. - BERLYN/BODYGUARD vs. VAMPIRO/THE MISFITS The bodyguard has finally gotten a name: the Wall. Eh. I think the distorted video thing they do for Berlyn's entrance is actually light glaring off his pasty-white body. The two krauts breeze through this one, a brief argument between the two being the only thing to slow them down. Uh-oh, Vampiro's career has been destroyed! I hear the people backstage in WCW are disappointed with him! Any other rumors I can make up because I'm a big-ass Vampiro mark and I hate to see him job? (Now *that's* sarcasm.) Creative Control. Torrie. Powers That Be. I've seen the ratings, and I think this angle is starting to hurt them for WCW. Goldberg. - Torrie is given a tiny striped bikini to put on. - RICK STEINER vs. SID No match to speak of, as the two immediately brawl away from the ring to a piece of fake stage which sticks out like a sore thumb. Sid powerbombs Steiner through it. They spend the next several minutes (wrapped around a commercial break) loading Steiner onto a stretcher. The two EMT's can barely load his carcass into the ambulance, creating the funniest unintentional moment of the show. Sid barks at Mike Tenay. There's Nash ... ... and Jerry Flynn ... ... and the Barbarian. - Flynn and the Barbarian engage in a Boiler Room Brawl. How original. No match, no wrestling, no winner, as Flynn leaves the Barbarian laying after a kick to the gut. Schiavone says something about this boosting ratings. A quick shot of Asya. - Tenay gets comments from Chris Benoit. - ASYA vs. KIMBERLY As hot as Torrie is, it can't make up for the joke this was. Asya tugs on Torrie's top, revealing that Torrie has a second top on underneath to prevent accidental exposure. The two then do a super slo-mo "catfight". The Filthy Animals run out and cover Torrie up, drawing boos. The T&A portion of the match over, Kimberly jumps Asya from behind. She then runs away when she sees David Flair coming out, dressed in a referee's shirt (a needless touch since this wasn't much of a match). Asya then attacks Flair, which totally contradicts the storyline up to this point. Remember when the Filthy Animals mugged Ric Flair? The Revolution, feuding with the Animals, picked up Asya from Flair as an ally. So why is Asya attacking David, a guy who was her ally just a few weeks earlier? (Hell, Kimberly running away gave her the victory in this match by default.) Flair suplexes Asya (one more wrestling move than occurred in this entire "match".) The Revolution come out and Flair clubs Shane Douglas with his crowbar. Clearly Russo isn't paying much attention to what he writes from one week to the next. Sting is delivered a batch of flowers sent by Lex Luger. He doesn't take them, saying he's going to knock Lex's teeth down his throat. Cut to Lex, watching these developments on a monitor. He asks Liz what she's going to think up next. That's funny. Goldberg is still in the building. - Kimberly flees from the arena, chased by David Flair. Flair gives the camera a look and says it won't be this easy at the PPV. - SCOTT HALL (w/ Kevin Nash) vs. CHRIS BENOIT (w/ Bret Hart) Leave it to Benoit to drag what may be Hall's best WCW match to date out of him, and deliver the only decent match of the night to boot. The ref just looks on as Nash and Hart get involved in the match. Sid then slips in and powerbombs Hall. Benoit hits the swandive headbutt of the top and scores the upset pin. This makes Sid a face, right? Benoit advances to the semi-finals of the World Title Tournament. Goldberg is still backstage. HOUR THREE Hosted By: Tony Schiavone and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. - Tenay gets comments from Buff Bagwell. Is anyone cheering for Bagwell in his feud against the Powers That Be? - BRET "HITMAN" HART vs. KIDMAN (w/ the Filthy Animals) What should have been the other classic of the night falls far short, as Hart has little trouble putting Kidman away with the Sharpshooter. (Oh no, his career is ruined!) Kidman had no backup because the Animals were busy mixing it up with the Outsiders, who had come out to ringside. After the break we see footage of the two laying all the Filthy Animals out. Guess Russo isn't going to stray too far from the pecking order that prevailed before he took over the booking reigns. - Liz's next idea, it turns out, is to send Sting a plate full of brownies. Jeff Jarrett gives Tenay his usual interview. - BUFF BAGWELL vs. JEFF JARRETT Will there ever be a surprise in this storyline? Creative Control come out to help Jarrett. Bagwell gets hold of Jarrett's guitar and takes one of the Bruise Brothers out, but Jarrett hits the Stroke and gets the pin. Bagwell suffers the beatdown until Dustin Rhodes comes out for the save. Quick look at Nash and Goldberg backstage. Luger takes the brownies he and Liz found and slips bits of Ex-Lax into them. Oh, for the love of-- - Tenay interviews the Revolution. The brownies, being taken to Sting, are intercepted by Jim Duggan. Of course "Hacksaw" decides to indulge. - THE REVOLUTION vs. THE FILTHY ANIMALS This is a "House of Pain Match", which takes place in a steel cage. The object is to handcuff the opposing team to the cage walls, at which point you can beat the crap out of them. This is exactly what happens, as in no time at all Eddie Guerrero and Konnan have been cuffed to the walls. Dean Malenko joins in on the beating. Rey Mysterio comes out for the save, but winds up being hanged by his ankle from the roof of the cage. In a cool bit, Malenko and Saturn take turns drop-kicking Mysterio's knee. You know, if Mysterio hadn't been stupid enough to run out, this wouldn't have been much of a "House of Pain". Why is it every time Mysterio is injured, and has to take some time off, he has to be beaten up two or three times to justify his absence. Is he worried about his image? Wasn't the savage beating he suffered on his knee last week enough? Speaking of savage, whatever happened to Randy Savage and his "protege"? And why, in hyping an appearance by him on "Walker, Texas Ranger" this coming Saturday, does CBS list him as "the World Wrestling Federation's Randy Savage" on their website? Hmmm. - LEX LUGER (w/ Liz) vs. STING Luger saw Sting turn down the flowers, but apparently missed "Hacksaw" Duggan swipe the brownies. Luger plays the coward and Sting dominates. A ref bump opens the door for Liz to come in and Mace Sting. Luger has him up in the Torture Rack, only to find himself on the receiving end of the Tongan Death Grip by Meng. Nice to see WCW set up the WORST MATCH EVER for this Sunday's PPV. Sting is rolled on top of Luger and gets the pin, advancing in the tournament. Duggan's doing you-know-what in the bathroom. I'm not sure there was enough time for him to make those noises, wipe, and walk out when he does. That would mean--eeeeeeeewww! Sid ... Nash ... next. - SID VICIOUS vs. KEVIN NASH Is there ANY cartilage left in Nash's knees? The two rumble around the ring for several minutes trading blows. This is a no DQ match, so wouldn't you know it the ref calls for a DQ after Scott Hall and Goldberg run in. Sid, who has been the face all night, becomes a heel again by attacking Goldberg. Bret Hart comes in for the save. Show ends with Hart and Goldberg standing tall. - This Thursday: Nothing announced. - Next week: Nothing announced. Comments: A truly subpar effort this week. Looking at the show as a whole there were plenty of times I saw bits and pieces where I laughed, or enjoyed some T&A, or "ooh-ed" over a nice move in a match. The problem is watching the show as a whole. I'm not sure I would do it if I didn't have to to write this. There was certainly nothing that went on during the course of the show that convinced me to stick around, that something big or important was going to happen. Even the "anything can happen" sense the show is developing has more to do with poop jokes and skimpy clothing, rather than any kind of compelling storyline. Where are the serious storylines in this company, by the way? It's all comedy and T&A, and one big-ass "Powers That Be" angle hovering over it all pretending to be a huge shoot. As I mentioned earlier, though, there's just no way to get wrapped up in a storyline like that. It's not as if any of these wrestlers battling the PTB are going to get fired. The worst that will happen to them is they have to job to Creative Control, or sell Amway to other wrestlers--anything but get pushed the way their fans would like. Obviously they figure all these guys will get really over, and WCW will rise back to the top, if their wrestlers were all just more interesting. While that may be true, I've really got to question the way Russo is going about it for a lot of these guys. The antics of Lex Luger or Norman Smiley may draw a chuckle, but are they enough to get me to watch a whole three hour show to see them in action? I almost have to take issue with the assertion that there's more consistency in the show from week-to-week. It seems Russo taps certain wrestlers with his magic wand, then moves on. What did the Filthy Animals do this week? What about the Revolution? Wrestlers like Evan Karagias, Vampiro and Booker T. get teamed up with new valets, but is that a push? Is pulling a feud between Jerry Flynn and the Barbarian out of thin air, and sticking them in a backstage brawl, supposed to get me interested in them? Are any of these wrestlers being held back by the "Powers That Be" really getting over with the fans? What's with all the face/heel turns lately, and why is it guys like the Outsiders and Sid seem to change from face to heel (and vice versa) from segment to segment? The only things consistent with WCW is that nothing is consistent, save for the fact that the company is laying out matches for the Mayhem PPV and building to them. At least there's that bit of improvement. In the long run these little things they are doing may get WCW fans interested in their wrestlers, the same way WWF fans are in the WWF's. The question is can WCW keep their fans around long enough for it to work? Here's the card for Mayhem: * Bret Hart vs. Sting. World Title Tournament Match. * Chris Benoit vs. Jeff Jarrett. World Title Tournament Match. * World Title Tournament Final Match. * Goldberg vs. Sid Vicious. "I Quit" Match". * Buff Bagwell vs. Curt Hennig. "Hang It Up Match". * Norman Smiley vs. Brian Knobbs. "Hardcore Match". * Vampiro vs. Berlyn. "Chain Match". * Kimberly vs. David Flair. * The Revolution & Asya vs. the Filthy Animals & Torrie Wilson. * Disco Inferno vs. Evan Karagias. Cruiserweight Title/$25,000 Match. * Meng vs. Lex Luger. * Scott Hall vs. Rick Steiner. U.S. Title vs. Television Title Match. I think Jerry Flynn vs. the Barbarian may be added as well, giving us thirteen matches. I can't see too many of those lasting very long, or being all that good. Look for Lex Luger to interfere in Sting's match, putting Hart in the finals. If the Powers That Be storyline gets pushed, then Hart should face Jarrett. If they want to appeal to the workrate fans, and make it an all Canadian final, then Benoit will advance. My prediction is they'll try to work the "Montreal Screwjob" into the story by setting up Hart to lose to "Chosen One" Jarrett, only to have somebody come out at the last moment and avert it, giving Hart the win and his first WCW World Title. Benoit, Bagwell, Hennig, Goldberg and (longshot) Hulk Hogan would seem the obvious choices to play the spoiler. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WWF RAW is WAR: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Two Hours+. Location: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. WWF RAW Hosted By: Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler. - Triple H, with D-X, is out to complain about the WWF Championship being stolen from him at Survivor Series. Vince McMahon comes out to respond. If Triple H wants to talk about a crime, Vince brings up the hit-and-ring job done on "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. Footage is shown on the Titan-Tron. Vince brings out a squad of detectives and police officers from Detroit, who would like to ask the members of D-X a few questions. - This being Pittsburgh, there's a couple of Steelers in the front row. - MANKIND vs. VAL VENIS A relatively simple, straight-up match sees Mankind put Val away with the Mandible Claw. Is this the blowoff to their feud? Asked his real name by the detectives, Road Dogg says it's "Deez Nuts". Triple H says the guy they should be talking to is Vince McMahon, and that he'd normally have two words for them, but until he talks to a lawyer, they'll get nothing out of him. Test and Stephanie McMahon bump into Luna as they wander in. Luna gives them a wedding present: a stuffed squirrel. Steph and Test, not wanting to disappoint, calmly discuss on whose bedside table it will go on. - THE GODFATHER (w/ Ho's) vs. KURT ANGLE Angle repeats his PPV performance by wrestling rings around the Godfather, then chewing out the crowd for cheering the pimp instead of the olympic athlete. A fan carrying a "WWF is Immoral" sign jumps the rail, and is taken out by security stud Jim Dotson. The Godfather distracted, Angle gets him with his fallaway slam finisher (dubbed "The Right Angle" by myself) and scores the pin. The detectives follow Triple H's advice and call on Vince McMahon. - Vince explains how he and Austin had their differences in the past, but how lately they've seen eye-to-eye. The cops ask if it's true that Austin once whacked him in the head with a bedpan? McMahon says they shouldn't even be asking him, since the videotape of the PPV shows he was in the back when the accident took place. They ask about the whereabouts of the Stooges at that time. Vince says they'll have to ask them. - CHRIS JERICHO vs. GANGREL (w/ Luna) Chyna and Miss Kitty come out right away dressed as nurses, carrying a big pair of cutters and a bag full of feminine hygiene products. They remind Jericho that he promised to get a sex change if he lost to Chyna at the PPV. Jericho goes ballistic on Gangrel, but some quick distraction by Chyna leads to cradle suplex and pin. The girls throw underwear at him as he shuffles up the ramp. Looking at Jericho's face, and the declaration by Ross that we may have seen Jericho's last match in the WWF, I almost believed it. Our new WWF Champ the Big Show would rather face the Big Bossman than the British Bulldog, his scheduled opponent for tonight. McMahon says that along with being the Champ come certain responsibilities, and among them are defending the strap against whoever is picked for him. The Bossman gets a piece of the Rock tonight. Vince then bursts in on D-X in their dressing room, telling them that Road Dogg as a date with Al Snow, Mr. Ass faces Test, and Triple H goes all the way back to the bottom of the ladder to face Kane. Kane? Shouldn't Midian be at the bottom of the ladder? The cops have Patterson and Brisco cornered. Gerry talks in glowing terms of McMahon, but Patterson comes clean and admits that Vince has had some serious issues with Austin. Gerry tries to hush him up, drawing a warning against tampering with a witness. The Acolytes are playing a little pinochle when Dave Hebner tells them that some guys they had problems with in Detroit are looking for them. Faarooq and Bradshaw make quick work of them. - Turns out the guys haven't had enough, so they rough them up a bit more. Sending the one into the hockey net was a nice touch. WWF WAR ZONE Hosted By: Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler. - THE BIG SHOW vs. THE BRITISH BULLDOG (w/ the Mean Street Posse) Chokeslam. Pin. The Posse members all eat chokeslams too. A Michael Cole interview with the Rock is interrupted by the detectives. They reveal that the car that ran over Austin was registered to the Rock. The Rock counters by reminding them that he reported that car stolen on Sunday. He then abuses them with his catchphrases. - Jerry Lawler finks out Jim Ross, telling the detectives that he's been a bit unstable lately. - ROAD DOGG vs. AL SNOW Ross lets Lawler have it for dragging him into the police investigation. Lawler brings up J.R's mother dying, the Bells Palsy, Austin breaking J.R.'s arm--and damned if I'm not starting to think Ross may have done it! They also bring up the Al Snow action figure thing again, and Ross takes a shot at the "Atlanta Urinal Constipation" (Atlanta Journal Constitution). Funny that this was all started by a paper in the heart of WCW country. Snow really gives it his all here, and things are pretty even, but the Dogg ends up getting the upper hand, scoring the pin following a pumphandle slam. Snow is now more depressed than before. Mankind comes out to cheer him up, leading the crowd in an awful rendition of "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow". Mankind says maybe Snow will feel better after a trip to Las Vegas this Thursday. Another loom at the Austin hit-and-run. - A quiet moment between Kane and Tori is interrupted by that foul-mouthed X-Pac. Kane gives chase, only to be blindsided by Triple H. Elsewhere, Chris Jericho drags a cameraman into a darkened room. There we see Chyna tied up to a chair. Jericho, brandishing a hammer, orders Chyna to admit that he's better than she is. She refuses, saying she won't lie. He'll have to do what he has yo do. Jericho, defeated, says she called his bluff. He then whacks her hand repeatedly with the hammer, yelling at the cameraman to make sure he catches it. Chyna screams, and cries for help. Man, that was creepy. See, in the WWF the heels kick ass. In WCW they make you brownies. - The EMT's are checking Chyna's hand, which is all bloody, looking like a sausage that's been stepped on. - TEST vs. MR. ASS Test pulls an upset here by rolling Ass up for the pin a few minutes into the match. Billy Gunn gets back at him, though, by nailing the FameAsser, doing further damage to Test's broken nose. Taped interview with Arnold Schwarzenegger saying what a great time he had at SmackDown! Vince McMahon joins the announce team. - TRIPLE H vs. KANE Vince closes the book on Survivor Series by saying "Triple H screwed Triple H". We knew that was coming. X-Pac jumps Kane before the bell. Once the action moves to the ring it's fairly even, Kane perhaps dominating, when Triple H goes out to shove McMahon out of his chair. Vince follows Triple H back into the ring and attacks, ending the match. Vince has little effect, but it does open Triple H up for a chokeslam from Kane. X-Pac comes back out to aid in the escape. Kane gives McMahon a frustrated look, upset over losing the match. (Maybe he heard that "bottom of the ladder" crack?) The Big Bossman ... the Rock ... next. - THE ROCK vs. THE BIG BOSSMAN This is a Hardcore Rules match, so anything goes, including the quick and liberal interference of Prince Albert on the Bossman's behalf. A miscue between Albert and the Bossman would seem to have the Rock primed for the win, but the Bossman pulls a Sidewalk Slam out of nowhere and gets the major upset. This makes the Bossman the number one contender. The Rock goes ballistic, grabbing a steel chair and working over the Bossman, Albert, and anyone else who dares to get too close to him (Tom Pritchard, Sgt. Slaughter, etc.) - This Thursday: Al & Mick's Vegas Vacation. - Next week: Nothing announced. Comments: This latest "whodunnit" could have been really lame, but the WWF did it well enough tonight to make it interesting. Don't bother to rack your brains too hard to figure it out: word is the WWF hasn't decided yet who was the mystery driver. Hopefully they won't drag it out too long, like WCW's Hummer Driver, so that whoever it turns out to be makes no sense. I figured the bit with Chyna and Jericho would have people up in arms. Turns out the Jim Ross imitation stole all the thunder of controversy. Everyone was so busy bashing or defending it, this bit of potential offense managed to slip under the Political Correctness radar. Everybody now join me in taking a deep breath. There. Now stop getting worked up over the Bossman being the number one contender. Hey, Chyna was the number one contender for a while, and look how long that lasted? Don't expect the Bossman/Big Show to headline Armageddon in December. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Bottom Line: The Ross imitation is the angle that Bob Ryder defended by bringing up past WWF imitations. He said making fun of Ross' Bells Palsy was fair game because Ross did a "parody" of it himself in a past angle. Excuse me? I wouldn't exactly call writing his medical condition into the storyline a "parody". Was WCW doing a "parody" when they wrote Buff Bagwell's neck injury into their storylines? Or what about Scott Hall's drinking problems? (I mentioned this before, questioning what Bob's reaction would be if the WWF made fun of it. I actually already know the answer to that: the WWF *did* make fun of it by having Road Warrior Hawk come out to matches "in no condition to wrestle." I seem to recall Bob being greatly offended by that.) Of course he then went on to mention "Billionaire Ted", which the WWF did almost FOUR YEARS AGO, the Bret Hart midget deal (TWO YEARS AGO), and Gillberg, which may well have been a gimmick VINCE RUSSO invented. Okay, so WCW can't be copying the WWF because "Russo can't copy Russo", yet if it was Russo who did something offensive in the WWF, it's not Russo who did it, it was the WWF? Following Ryder's logic, it would be perfectly alright if WCW "crucified" someone because the WWF already did it, and WCW wouldn't be copying the WWF because "Russo can't copy Russo". Bob was so close to making a valid point, that offensive is offensive no matter who does it, but he instead tried to write this off by wagging his finger at the WWF (and its fans). Nice way to duck an issue. Bob actually admitted that he found the imitation "hilarious", but wouldn't even concede the point that some might find it offensive. Instead he defended it in the manner I've described above. He couldn't even chalk it up as a difference of opinion. He's right, because he found it funny, while we're all wrong because we're WWF-biased marks (and the WWF has Gillberg). If this was the same as the petty WWF attacks, and those were wrong, then doesn't that make the Ross imitation wrong too? I guess Bob can't admit that, lest it make his employers look bad. Maybe before Bob fires back at the offended WWF fans he could stop and think for a moment, and realize that there's probably two to three times as many people watching wrestling now as there was then when these things he mentions took place. Pretty stupid to accuse them of having "short memories" if they never saw these things in the first place. "Educating" them to the fact that these things once took place doesn't exactly give him the right to invalidate the anger they felt this past Monday night. (By the way, I mention Ryder only because the's probably the most notable person to make this argument. He's by no means the only one to take this side of the argument.) Going back to the "Billionaire Ted" skits, I'm not going to defend them now, just as I didn't defend them back then, but let's make the record clear here. I thought the first one they did was funny, but was a sign of that McMahon was lowering himself to battle WCW. That skit made fun of Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage being old. I didn't know portraying someone as being older than they really are is making fun of a medical condition? The second skit was less funny, and took a shot at WCW over their drug testing policy. The third skit went back to shooting on Hogan and Savage. Skit number four was a shot at "Mean" Gene Okerlund and his wrestling hotline. It wasn't until the fifth skit, "Billionaire Ted's Press Conference", that the WWF really crossed the line and took personal shots at Ted Turner, bringing up his use of lithium. (This was the point, by the way, where WCW sent a letter to the WWF threatening to sue.) The sixth skit, continuing the press conference, was where the WWF got really ugly. My reaction at the time was: "Any attempt at levity was gone as this was solely a personal attack at Turner." and ... "The attack against Turner was in really poor taste. I couldn't say if any of it is true or not, but what does it have to do with wrestling? Better yet, what does the WWF hope [to] gain? Turner ceasing his involvement with WCW? A court battle? The end of WCW itself? Aren't these pretty much things they've accused Ted of doing?" The next two skits were the funniest of the lot, making fun of recent WCW booking involving chairshots, cups of coffee and women's shoes. These skits were at their best when they made fun of character and storylines, and were at their worst when they became too personal. Despite what Bob and some others would like you to think, there were plenty of WWF fans who thought the company had crossed the line and was taking the low road in these attacks. As for the Bret Hart midget, and Gillberg, these were shots at characters. I doubt Jim Ross would consider his Bells Palsy a part of his "character", whether he's used it in a wrestling storyline or not. But the issue then, as now, was were they 1) offensive, and 2) funny? A lot of people felt they were both. The same goes for this Jim Ross imitation. Too bad Ryder and others won't admit that it's offensive. I guess if you think Ross' palsy was fair game then so be it, but be warned: WCW has just opened the floodgates to make this war far uglier than ever before. Alcoholism, drug use, injuries, mental problems, divorces, maybe even deaths--these have all been made "fair game" by WCW's actions here. If making fun of a person's medical condition can be justified, then I can't think of anything that would be out of bounds. Was *I* offended by the imitation? Not really, and I even thought some of it was funny, I just didn't like the Bells Palsy facial twitch thrown in. But as was the case when Schiavone took some verbal potshots at J.R. a few months back, I questioned the strategy on WCW's part. It's not as if J.R. is a wrestling personality that's particularly disliked by the fans. Quite the opposite: Ross is a highly respected announcer--perhaps the most respected in the business since Gordon Solie hung up his mic. WCW risks doing more damage to themselves than good by pissing off Ross' fans. I wonder how many WCW fans switched over to RAW to see if they would fire back? I have a feeling that this is one of those things Ferrara does backstage, perhaps even back when he was in the WWF (and with J.R.'s blessings for all we know), and someone thought it'd be a great idea if they put it on WCW TV. Remember what I once wrote about Eric Bischoff getting into trouble because there was no one there to veto his bad ideas? Russo & Ferrara are in the exact same position now. There's no one there to say "no". Bill Busch and the other Turner higher-ups are only worried about what things cost, or if it's too controversial (like Lenny & Lodi, who Russo still can't get back on TV). And now there's talk that Russo is bringing friends of his into WCW, and that those close to the writing duo are getting the better pushes. Sounds awfully familiar, doesn't it? I'm all for Russo trying to improve WCW, but so far I haven't seen him doing too much to do that. For every idea he's come up for a wrestler in the company, it seems there's two or three that involve putting himself and Ed over as the "Powers That Be", airing a personal grudge, or pushing their new friends and giving jobs to their old ones. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Slobberknocker Central" and "Monday Night Recap" are copyright 1999 by John Petrie, and all opinions expressed therein are his own, and not those of "USLink". Check the "Slobberknocker Central" main page for info on how to receive the "Recap" free via E-Mail every week. Volume One, Number 209 of the "Monday Night Recap", November 15th, 1999.