Slobberknocker Central Monday Night Recap #189
June 28th, 1999

The Opening Word:

I enjoyed most of the king of the Ring PPV, but felt let down by the 
shortness of most of the matches, the early ending of the show, and the 
booking in the three main events. I guess we judge most things by two 
different criteria: based on what we *wanted* to happen, and based on what 
*actually* happened. On both of those counts, the WWF let me down to 
varying degrees. (Some might argue that separating the two as such is 
impossible, as what we want to happen colors our perception of what 
actually happened, but I digress.)

First, there was the Undertaker's victory over the Rock. I had no problem 
with that outcome. What disappointed me was the manner in which the match 
ended. A good, long match suddenly found itself derailed when 1) Paul 
Bearer handed the Undertaker an ether-soaked rag, and 2) Triple H gave the 
Rock a Pedigree. Either or both should have been enough to put the Rock 
away, but he rallied back, giving the fans a spark of hope that he could 
win the match. Then, literally a second later, the Undertaker hit a 
Tombstone Piledriver, and it was all over. They got our hopes up for 
nothing. Maybe it was just a matter of timing, but the reaction to the 
finale of the match was something like "no ... NO ... YES ... no!" They 
dangled hope in front of our eyes, only to whisk it away a moment later. In 
the end it just came off as an ego booster for the Rock, since it took an 
ether-soaked rag, a Pedigree, and a Tombstone to put him away. It marred 
what was otherwise a good match.

Next there was Billy Gunn becoming the King of the Ring. Once again I have 
no problem with that result, I just didn't like the execution. Going into 
the tournament it looked like everyone but Bob Holly had a realistic chance 
to win. A lot of people picked the "Big Show" to win, which showed how 
little attention they've paid to the way the WWF does things. (Who says he 
would win just because he was "prominently featured" in the KotR ads?) 
Chyna seemed to be getting a huge push in recent weeks, which made her a 
strong contender to win. Gunn, Road Dogg, Kane and X-Pac all had received 
roughly equal pushes going into the tournament. Shamrock was a possibility, 
since he was the biggest "star" going in, but he had also won it last year, 
making it a longshot for him to repeat. Holly, the lowest on the star power 
ladder, was the biggest longshot. With the whole playing field practically 
level, the tournament itself would have to tell the tale and establish who 
should be the King of the Ring. That's where Gunn winning it all failed. He 
wound up winning it in a breeze, going up against an injured Ken Shamrock 
in the first round, having the "Big Show" help him beat Kane in the second, 
and going up against another injured competitor, X-Pac, in the final match. 
In short, Gunn didn't prove anything. The fans had to watch all the more 
popular and higher pushed stars fall short. If Gunn ascends to that next 
level (which I don't think will happen), we can look back at this night as 
where it started. All in all, though, I'd rather have seen X-Pac, Kane, 
"Big Show" or Road Dogg--the more popular choices--get the win. It would 
have made the event more fun. That, or at least have Gunn EARN his various 
wins. His winning it was a downer: one by design, but a downer nonetheless.

That brings us to the main event. With the fans being disappointed in the 
two previous matches, it only made sense that the WWF would make up for it 
with a positive ending. Alas, it wasn't to be. Once again I wasn't opposed 
to the McMahons regaining control of the WWF, but given the flow of things 
at the event in which it took place, it made it hard to watch. The match 
itself was good, though.

Added up, it made for a relatively uneventful PPV with a ton of little 
things that were good, and a few major things that weren't. Speaking for 
myself, the two canceled each other out, leaving me feeling neutral and 
indifferent about the show, and thinking that perhaps my money would have 
been best spent otherwise.

You can check out the Slobberknocker website for my other assorted thoughts 
on the PPV.

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WCW Monday Nitro:
Live/Taped: Live.
Length: Three Hours.
Location: Chicago, Illinois.
HOUR ONE Hosted By: Tony Schiavone and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan.

 - "Last Week" highlights package.

 - Ric Flair, David Flair, and that guy who owns the United Center pull up
   to the arena. David has his hair cut and dyed just like his father Ric.
   Standing at the foot of the famous Michael Jordan statue, Flair says
   David will get a shot at Kevin Nash's World Title tonight. "Uncle" Bruce 
   MacArthur says he'll put up a statue of David next to Jordan's.

 - Nitro Girls.

 - They show a clip of Steven Regal's WCW return, which took place last
   week on Thunder.

 - STEVEN REGAL/FIT FINLAY (w/ David Taylor) vs. CHRIS BENOIT/SATURN
   A solid match. Nice to see Regal not only looking good in the ring, but
   also drawing some nice heat from the crowd. The chaotic finale sees all
   four men in the ring. Saturn plants Regal with the Death Valley Driver
   for the win.

 - DJ Ran.

 - Ric Flair, Roddy Piper, Arn Anderson, Charles "Little Naitch" Robinson
   and Asya are all celebrating Flair's master plan to crown David the new
   WCW Champ. They are interrupted by Van Hammer, who says his recent
   winning streak entitles him to some kind of title match. Flair says he
   can face Steiner (Rick?) at the Bash at the Beach PPV. The fact that
   VAN HAMMER is getting pushed to a PPV titleshot tells loads about what
   is wrong with WCW right now.

 - Flair and his crew come out to be interviewed by "Mean" Gene Okerlund.
   Flair quickly passes the mic off to Piper, who launches into his usual
   repertoire of local name-dropping and outdated pop culture references.
   (He also mentions Howard Stern, which I won't read anything into, since
   this is Chicago, meaning it's Mancow country. Badmouthing Stern should,
   in theory, serve as another suck-up to the locals. In theory.) Touching
   upon the so-called "Y2K Kids" feud, Piper says they are giving David
   Flair a shot at Kevin Nash's title. Flair adds that Charles Robinson
   will be the ref, and that they'll surround the ring with "lumberjacks".
   They call out Randy Savage, Sid, and their gaggle of blondes. Flair
   extends an offer to Savage: if he joins with them, Flair will make
   Savage's off-the-top elbowdrop legal again. Robinson protests, as it was
   Savage who crushed his lung with an ill-executed elbowdrop. Flair, Arn
   and Okerlund brush him off. Savage says he doesn't care who wins the
   title, and asks Sid for his opinion. The deal is made: Team Madness will
   be the lumberjacks around the ring. As "Mean" Gene is winding up the
   segment, sharp-eyed fans may notice Sid and Arn Anderson shaking hands
   in the background. That ought to get people talking!

   Lenny Lane, while applying purple fingernail polish in the lockerroom,
   worries about WCW's reaction to his and Lodi's relationship. Lodi tells
   him not to worry, and favors him with on of his patented neckrubs.

   ...

   No comment.

 - EDDIE GUERRERO vs. LODI (w/ Lenny Lane)
   Squash. Eddie hits both Lodi and Lane with the Frog Splash, and covers
   Lodi for the pin. So the message here is, what, that being gay makes you
   a jobber? It's not hard to make that connection when it's all WCW has
   given us.

 - A Flair/Piper bull session results in Diamond Dallas Page, Kanyon and
   Bam Bam Bigelow being added to the main event lumberjacks. Torrie Wilson
   has joined the Flair party. I hope when WCW starts firing people to
   bring their budget back down (if the rumors are to be believed), I hope
   they axe Asya. Why do they need her when they have Torrie?

   DJ Ran and the Nitro Girls. Speaking of getting the axe ...

HOUR TWO Hosted By: Tony Schiavone and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan.

 - Nitro Girls.

 - Last week on Thunder, Ric Flair outlawed "hardcore/extreme" matches.
   Hak, coming to the ring with Chastity, challenges WCW President Flair to
   come out. Bam Bam Bigelow comes out instead.

 - HAK (w/ Chastity) vs. BAM BAM BIGELOW
   The match is all Bigelow, until Hak rallies back and hits a move (I'll
   admit, not much is happening in this one, and I have a hard time paying
   much attention). Kanyon and DDP run in, with DDP delivering a Diamond
   Cutter behind the ref's back. Bigelow covers for the pin. This was
   pretty much your typical WWF match, with several extra minutes of
   wrestling added to pad the length.

 - Kevin Nash comes out and says what's basically going down is that it's
   him versus everyone in WCW. He says the only guy he can trust is Scott
   Hall (increasing tenfold the odds that Hall will wind up being the
   mystery Hummer driver). Nash throws out a challenge to David Flair: if
   he (Nash) wins tonight, he gets Torrie Wilson for 72 hours. Hmmm, 72
   hours. Why, that would take us to Thunder this Thursday, right? Doesn't
   this stipulation pretty much give away the fact that Nash will prevail
   later tonight?

 - "I HATE RAP!" TOUR 1999 vs. NWO B-TEAM
   For those who simply must know, Curt Hennig, Barry & Kendall Windham,
   and Bobby Duncum, Jr. comprise the "I Hate Rap!" team. Brian Adams,
   Horace, Stevie Ray and Vincent comprise the NWO B-Team. This turns out
   to be a far better match than it had any right to be. The cowboys look
   good when on offense, but the crowd could care less. I mean really, who
   wants to see this match? Duncum and Kendall plant someone with a double
   bulldog, and the cowboys win. They'll go on to face Konnan, Rey
   Mysterio, Jr. and two of the No Limit Soldiers at the PPV. (Need I
   remind you that this means BRAD ARMSTRONG will appear in a PPV match?
   More evidence of what is wrong with WCW.)

 - Disco Inferno and Ernest Miller compete in a "Dance Contest", with a
   fan response serving to choose the winner. Miller, while berating the
   crowd, mentions Jerry Flynn's name for no apparent reason. Disco wins,
   of course, sort of, leading to ...

 - DISCO INFERNO vs. ERNEST "THE CAT" MILLER (w/ Sony Onoo)
   The crowd chants "Goldberg!" out of sheer boredom. Miller works his ass
   off playing up to the crowd, but they could care less. Disco launches
   into a series moves/attempted pins "borrowed" from any number of Steve
   Austin matches. The finish sees Miller use his ruby red slipper to knock
   out Disco, but his pin attempt is thwarted when Onoo runs into the ring,
   fleeing from Jerry Flynn. Flynn KO's Miller with a kick, ending the
   match. He then challenges Miller to a "Kickboxing Match" next week. I'm
   betting most of the crowd had no idea who Flynn was. On his way out,
   Flynn tells the camera "that's how you deal with that motherf***er,"
   which is muted. He then delivers the priceless grimace of a man who
   has suddenly realized his ass might get fired for such a blunder.

 - They replay the Ric/David/Bruce spazz-out that opened the show.

HOUR THREE Hosted By: Tony Schiavone and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan.

 - DJ Ran.

 - Arn Anderson hits the announce desk to reveal that he'll be the referee
   in the main event (instead of Charles Robinson). Arn brings up that
   unflattering parody Nash did of him a few years ago.

 - BUFF BAGWELL/DEAN MALENKO vs. DDP/KANYON (w/ Bam Bam Bigelow)
   Some nice wrestling here, but the match didn't have to last 20 minutes
   given the finish. Bigelow interferes after a ref bump, helping DDP
   deliver a Diamond Cutter on Malenko. Kanyon covers for the pin.

 - They debut the "I Hate Rap!" video. Hennig lip synchs in front of a
   crowd of eight or ten people. Remember how the Konnan videos, no matter
   how much they sucked, had a real professional look to them? This, by
   comparison, was just pathetic.

 - DJ Ran.

 - SID VICIOUS (w/ Team Madness) vs. SCOTT PUTSKI
   Squash, which they stretch out an extra ten minutes with entrances,
   stalling, and post-match comments by Sid and Savage. The crowd chants
   for Goldberg again during the match.

 - Nitro Girls.

 - Nash makes his way to the ring. David Flair makes his way to the ring.
   Ummm ... was I NOT supposed to notice Sting standing there?

 - DAVID FLAIR vs. KEVIN NASH
   Before Nash and David can even lock up, everyone else runs into the 
   ring. (Chalk up the third Nitro main event in a row which has turned out
   to be a total joke.) After they beat on Nash a bit, they clear out so
   David can apply the Figure Four. Arn, the special referee, makes a two
   count, at which point Nash recovers, sits up, and easily breaks the
   hold. Everyone looks on as Nash delivers unopposed offense. (David's
   idea of "selling", by the way, looks like an imitation of a drunken frat
   house member trying not to fall asleep on his feet.) The gang attack
   resumes, though this time Nash is able to fend them off. David comes in
   with a stun gun, which Nash takes away, and uses to zap anyone that
   comes near him. Leaving the ring, Nash hoists Gorgeous George onto his
   shoulder. Torrie Wilson also joins him, almost knocking others down in
   her enthusiasm to leave with Nash. The trio make their way to the
   parking area, where a black limo awaits. As Nash prepares to leave, he
   spots a black Hummer parked a short distance away. Now, when Nash sees
   the Hummer, there's nobody else near it. However, they somehow switch to
   a camera angle from right next to the Hummer! (There could be a
   cameraman hiding behind a nearby concrete pillar getting the shot, but
   it still looks pretty funny to get a closeup from a spot where there
   clearly is no cameraman a second earlier.) The closeup angle reveals a
   reflection in the driver's side mirror: the face of the man they call
   Sting! Nash, seeing Savage and Sid approach, climbs into his limo.
   Savage kicks the limo as it pulls away. Sid can be seen carrying the WCW
   Heavyweight Title belt.

   The show ended just before the top of the hour again, about five or six
   minutes earlier than usual. I think that makes three weeks straight.
   Looks like the five minute overrun may finally have been abandoned.

 - This Thursday: Nothing announced.

 - Next week: Miller vs. Flynn.

Comments:

So, exactly where the hell has Tank Abbott disappeared to? I didn't just 
imagine him being in WCW, did I?

The usual response to the show this week. A handful of talented wrestlers 
delivered some quality matches, but overall the show was weighed down with 
the usual turdburger angles and dungheap wrestlers being pushed. When will 
someone have the balls to stand up to Eric Bischoff and tell him that his 
buddy Ernest Miller is a steaming pile if shizit? And whoever it is that 
thinks Van Hammer deserves a push ought to be shot.

Is Flair and his son David WCW's answer to Vince and Shane McMahon? Kind of 
seems like it. But while WWF fans would be quite amused by a Steve 
Austin/Shane McMahon match, seeing Kevin Nash take on David Flair is a 
total joke. There's plenty of reasons why, not the least of which being the 
fact that David has very little charisma, draws ZERO heat, has few 
wrestling skills, no mic skills, no in-ring presence, and in general is a 
non-entity to the average WCW fan. He's not a proven weekly player. He 
isn't someone the fans have developed any interest in, or at least "love to 
hate". Save for the fact that he's Ric Flair's son, he's a total nobody. 
He's so wooden that he's as much a prop as the average steel chair. Hell, 
the stun gun he brought into the ring played a bigger role in this week's 
show than he did! I think back to that classic Ric Flair quote about how he 
could wrestle a broom and people would still watch. Well, if David wrestled 
a broom, we wouldn't be able to tell which was which.

Aside from the aforementioned decent wrestling, there were a few other 
bright spots this week. Eric Bischoff stayed away again. Master P, too, 
decided not to grace us with his appearance. (I'm not sure why Konnan and 
Mysterio got the week off, though.) WCW seems to be shooting themselves in 
the foot by keeping Sting off TV. And I suppose with Sting absent, there's 
not much need for Lex Luger. Whatever happened to Elizabeth? Anyone else 
annoyed by the fact that Rick and Scott Steiner hold two of WCW's singles 
titles, yet neither are anywhere to be seen (and have been pretty scarce 
for the last several weeks)? Given the rarity of Cruiserweight Title 
matches lately, that makes three titles in WCW that for all practical 
purposes might as well not even exist.

This whole business with Sting being the Hummer driver is pretty lame. For 
starters, they've already done an angle with a fake Sting a few years back. 
How likely is it, really, that now that we've seen it's "Sting", that it's 
REALLY Sting? What's the point of having a mystery if you blatantly give 
that mystery away? So, assuming it's a fake Sting, we'll have to sit 
through a rehash of the last fake Sting angle, where the announcers wonder 
why Sting did it, Sting saying it wasn't him, etc. Hopefully if they go 
that route, they'll actually bring up the last fake Sting angle, and 
incorporate it into the storyline. And of course, if it really *is* Sting, 
then you're going with a storyline that will deliberately anger fans. The 
payoff to this is either confirming that Sting is the Hummer driver, or 
confirming that he isn't. Only one of those had a chance of being a 
surprise, and WCW totally blew that this week. The only thing that can save 
this now is if the real Hummer driver turns out to be a genuine surprise. 
The problem with that is WCW has already dragged it out so long, most fans 
have been able to come up with any number of possible candidates, allowing 
fewer and fewer fans to feel (or admit) that they were surprised. Anyone 
already in WCW will be a letdown, unless it was someone really wacky or 
unexpected, such as Mike Tenay or Goldberg. Bret Hart or Hulk Hogan might 
work, though Hogan is already a common candidate being tossed about. Shane 
Douglas would be interesting, but not enough WCW fans know him to make it 
mean that much. Lex Luger is probably the frontrunner. As I mentioned 
above, Nash mentioning Scott Hall vaulted his name towards the top of the 
candidate list. Much like the WWF's "Greater Power" angle, this one has got 
a lot of people talking, but it also has a lot of people ready to be 
disappointed.

Should I read anything into Sid being in possession of Nash's title belt at 
the end of the show?

Funny little postscript to Master P's appearance on Nitro last week: one of 
his bodyguards was arrested at the New Orleans airport when they tried to 
get a pair of custom made .45 caliber handguns onto an airplane. The guns, 
one of which had a laser sight and was loaded with hollowpoint bullets, 
were in an aluminum case that the bodyguard forgot to check through the 
standard customs desk. He instead just ran it through the x-ray machine, 
setting off alarms. The guy was detained by police while everyone else flew 
off to Minneapolis. He was later released, and issued a fine for illegal 
handgun posession. The guns were confiscated. I'm sure there's a good joke 
in there somewhere, but I'll let you all make up your own.

Master P's also being sued by a rival rap label for $10 million. Hoody 
Hoo!

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WWF RAW is WAR:
Live/Taped: .
Length: Two Hours+.
Location: Charlotte, North Carolina.
WWF RAW Hosted By: Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler.

 - PPV stills open the show.

 - Vince and Shane McMahon lead the Corporate Ministry to the ring, as
   balloons drop from the ceiling. Vince says tonight is a celebration, one
   the fans will never forget. Shane takes the mic, and announces that
   "Stone Cold" is officially fired from the position of CEO of the World
   Wrestling Federation. Vince tales the mic back. Austin will now drop to
   the bottom of the ladder. He will have to compete tonight in a
   preliminary match. Additionally, he will have to help take down the ring
   tonight after the show is over. He goes on to gloat about the
   Undertaker's victory over the Rock, and notes that the Corporate
   Ministry is now more solid than ever. As a sign of that, Triple H will
   get a titleshot against the Undertaker at the next PPV, Fully Loaded.

   Here comes the Big Bossman. Vince tells the Ministry members to hang
   back, and tells the Bossman that neither he nor Shane will back down.
   The Bossman enters the ring, says "I love you guys," and embraces
   McMahon. The Corporate Ministry is once again whole. Well ... that was
   pointless.

   Enter the Rattlesnake. Austin says he figured he'd get screwed over at
   the PPV, so while he was still CEO of the WWF, he went ahead and drafted
   a new contract for himself. In it, Austin would be paid a whole ton of
   money. It also strikes down that previous stipulation which said that
   Austin couldn't strike McMahon unless provoked. Austin brags about being
   able to jump Vince anytime he wants, and all McMahon could do about it
   is pick his teeth up off the ground. Furthermore, Austin booked himself
   into a World Title match against the Undertaker, to take place on RAW
   tonight! And if any "sumbitch from the back" gets within ten feet of the
   ring, the Undertaker will be DQ'ed, and Austin gets the title.

   Man, I sure feel sick about buying that PPV now.

   Steve Blackman. Ken Shamrock. "Weapons Match" is next!

 - "LETHAL WEAPON" STEVE BLACKMAN vs. KEN SHAMROCK
   Jim Ross says Shamrock is competing against doctor's advice, stemming
   from the internal injuries he suffered at the hands of Blackman at the
   PPV. Shamrock gets on the stick and warns Vince McMahon that no matter
   who he sends at him, he will someday get his hands on him. Blackman
   comes out with a bag full of martial arts weapons. He's jumped by
   Shamrock before he can reach the ring. Shamrock gets in the early
   offense, but Blackman turns the tide and delivers a solid beating,
   utilizing a pair of nunchuks, batons, and a kendo stick. Shamrock spits
   up blood. Blackman then ceases the assault, packs up his gear, and walks
   out. Ross calls Blackman a hired assassin on McMahon's payroll.

 - Once again Shamrock refuses medical attention. Blackman is shown calmly
   exiting the arena.

 - Michael Cole interviews "Mr. Ass". Gunn says little of note, other than
   to throw out an open challenge to anyone in the back. Triple H and Chyna
   come out. Helmsley says he has nothing against Gunn, and in fact has a
   grievance he wants to share with him. It seems X-Pac and Road Dogg have
   been claiming all the royalties and profits from the "D-Generation X"
   merchandise. Triple H suggests the reclaim the D-Generation X name, and
   offers to lend him Chyna to help collect the bill. Gunn agrees. Chyna's
   wearing that bikini/leather chaps combo again which gets my motor
   running. The Rock then does an ill-advised run-in, with only the timely
   arrival of WWF officials preventing him from having the smackdown laid
   upon him by Triple H and Gunn.

   Cole gets comments from Chaz and Marianna, formerly known as "Beaver
   Cleavage" and "Mrs. Cleavage". Chaz runs down all the gimmicks of his
   which have tanked, and says he's ready to try getting over as himself.

   Austin's in his dressing room lacing 'em up.

 - This week's "GTV" clip shows Stephanie McMahon and Test exiting a
   Charlotte hotel together.

 - MEAT (w/ PMS) vs. CHAZ (w/ Marianna)
   For those who must know, I believe Chaz's last name is Warington. All
   the women at ringside wind up involved one way or the other, and Chaz
   uses the distraction to plant Meat with a variation of the Death Valley
   Driver.

   Terry Taylor (who Ross disses by calling "Red Rooster") tries to get
   comments from Test. Shane and the Mean Streets Posse plow into him,
   stomping him into little itty bitty pieces (figuratively speaking).

 - The Undertaker is in the back practicing his "evil" look.

 - "HARDCORE" HOLLY vs. KANE
   Before the match Holly takes a jab at Paul Wight for missing him with
   that car he tried to drop on him last week. This match lasts about a
   minute, with Wight coming out and chokeslamming Kane as Holly distracts
   the ref. Holly gets the upset pin. As he celebrates, though, Kane sits
   up and grabs him by the throat. Chokeslam. Another chokeslam. Yet
   another chokeslam. And one more for good measure. The refs help (what's
   left of) Holly escape.

   The Rock is next.

   Not much wrestling this hour.

WWF WAR ZONE Hosted By: Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler.

 - THE ROCK vs. TRIPLE H (w/ Chyna)
   The WWF usually gives us a somewhat longer match at this point of the
   show. Not this week. Just a few minutes in, Billy Gunn runs out and
   whallops the Rock with a wooden club.

 - Michael Cole is backstage to update us on the Rock's condition. He's
   distracted by a commotion off-camera. Pan over to Prince Albert and Droz
   beating the crap out of Val Venis.

 - THE GODFATHER (w/ Several Ho's) vs. EDGE
   So-so Ho's this week. Damn, but if this isn't one of the hottest live
   crowds for either wrestling show this year. The trend of pseudo-matches
   continues as Prince Albert and Droz come out mere seconds after the
   opening bell. The ref is distracted, allowing Albert to press-slam the
   Godfather. (Godfather came to Val Venis' aid before the PPV on Heat,
   marking him as an enemy to this duo.) Edge, a bit loogy from prior
   action, doesn't see the interference, hits the Godfather with a spear,
   and covers for the pin. The Ho's then come in to help the Godfather,
   leading to Albert and Droz grabbing one and trying to pierce her tongue.
   Edge comes back in to save her. Suitably impressed, she cozies up to him
   real nice. (Who says there aren't any positive, moral messages in
   wrestling anymore? Save a Ho from getting her tongue pieced, and she'll
   polish your spear for you!) As they're leaving a psychic cameraman
   manages to pick out Gangrel watching things from up in the nosebleed
   section. Ross says he looks upset. I'll take his word for it.

   Billy Gunn is in the lockerroom telling someone we can't see to only
   come out if he needs them.

 - "MR. ASS" vs. BRADSHAW (w/ Faarooq)
   Gunn stole Bradshaw's Tag Title belt last week, so on Heat this week,
   Bradshaw challenged him to a match on RAW. Like every other match on RAW
   thus far, this one blows by, with X-Pac coming in to distract Gunn,
   leaving him open for the Clothesline From Hell, by Bradshaw. The Acolyte
   wins, and I guess he recovers his title belt. Chyna the runs in to beat
   on X-Pac. Road Dogg follows to pound on Chyna. The evil D-X faction
   retreats, while the good D-X faction fires of crotch chops in their
   general direction.

 - Michael Cole is backstage, hoping to get a word from Mr. McMahon.

 - Ivory, accompanied by Nicole Bass, makes her way to the ring. There she
   cuts loose on the mic, delivering a damn fine promo on how she's a real
   Women's Champion, and not a "Barbie doll lipstick loser". To prove her
   might, she challenges anyone to come out and tangle. Some woman hops the
   rail and climbs the apron, only to be stopped by that beefy WWF Security
   Guy (Jim Dotson). Ivory says to let her come in. "It's all fake anyway
   honey, don't you know?" The "fan" thinks better of it, saying she never
   thought she'd get this far. She tries to leave, but Ivory lays into her.
   CATFIGHT! THIS IS THE GREATEST RAW EVER! Nicole Bass throws in her two
   cents by powerbombing the newcomer. The Security Guy finally separates
   the two. That was wild. All the news sites are saying the mystery girl
   was female wrestle Malia Hosaka. If she's around to stay, the WWF
   Women's Division just got a whole hell of a lot more interesting.

   McMahon tells Cole that he's not worried about Austin, since they took
   the heart out of "Stone Cold".

   Debra and Jarrett are up next.

 - JEFF JARRETT (w/Debra) vs. X-PAC
   Lawler is given a "Show Me Your Puppies" t-shirt be Debra before the
   match. Billy Gunn comes out to interfere, but a guitar shot meant for
   X-Pac misses. X-Pac gets the guitar and gives Jarrett some Guitar Fu.
   He looks to have the Intercontinental Title won, but Gunn slips back in
   (Debra has the ref distracted) and drops X-Pac with the FameAsser.
   Jarrett comes to and just barely manages to cover for the pin. Road Dogg
   and Chyna both come out to keep things chaotic.

   Undertaker, Paul Bearer, Steve Austin--all on the move.

 - THE UNDERTAKER (w/ Paul Bearer) vs. "STONE COLD" STEVE AUSTIN
   Though he's the champ, the Undertaker comes out first. Jim Ross says
   ANY Corporate Ministry interference will result in DQ, which doesn't
   exactly jibe with what Austin said earlier (and will become noteworthy
   later). Austin is so OVER it's scary.

   Traded fists start off the encounter. The two take turns working each
   other over in the corner. Into the ropes they go, with Austin hitting a
   Lou Thesz Press. An elbow to the head follows. Two count. Stomps. Into
   the corner they go. Reverse whip. Kick to the gut. Austin tries a
   Stunner, but gets shoved into the corner. The Taker drops to the floor
   to catch his breath. Austin follows, leaping off the apron with a double
   axehandle. Blows are traded. The Undertaker eats the steel steps. Back
   in the ring they go. Both try, and fail, to connect with a back
   bodydrop. Clothesline by the Undertaker. Cheap shot by Paul Bearer. The
   Undertaker works on Austin's throat. Austin is clotheslined over the
   top rope to the floor below. The two brawl in the aisle. Bearer tries a
   cheap shot, and takes a fist to the back. By this point Austin should
   have won by DQ, but I guess since Bearer is the Undertaker's manager, he
   has a right to be at ringside. (And of course the referee is Earl
   Hebner, who lets just about anything go in the title matches he
   officiates.)

   Back in the ring they go. The Undertaker goes on an offensive streak,
   pounding on, grinding and wearing Austin down. Two count. Austin tries a
   comeback with a bodyslam, but the Undertaker falls on top of him.
   Another two count. Headlock by the Undertaker. Austin breaks the hold,
   but eats an elbow coming off the ropes. Bodyslam. Undertaker grabs a
   wrist and walks the ropes. Chop to the back of the neck. Cover for two.
   Chinlock applied. Austin powers up, then drops down, ramming the
   Undertaker's chin into the top of his head. Austin drags the Undertaker
   into the corner, intent on crotching him on the corner post. The
   Undertaker kicks, sending Austin over the barrier and into the crowd.
   The Undertaker brings him back to the ring. Punch. Two count. Chinlock
   applied. Austin pounds his way loose. Into the ropes they go. Austin
   ducks a clothesline. Double clothesline--both men down. Back up, they
   move to the corner. Austin lays in the boots. Into the ropes they go.
   Undertaker with a scoopslam--no, Austin escapes! Kick! Stone Cold
   Stunner! Cover ... one ... two ... thr--the referee is pulled out! Paul
   Bearer pulled the referee out! Austin follows, dropping him with a
   punch. The Undertaker meets Austin coming in, but Austin drops down,
   yanking the Undertaker's neck into the top rope. Undertaker staggers,
   but connects with a blow to the neck. Austin drops. Whip to the ropes.
   Austin ducks the clothesline. Minor collision (possible flub?) Kick by
   Austin. Stunner! Cover ... one ... two ... THREE! NEW WWF CHAMPION!!!

   The crowd explodes.

   Austin calls for a cold beer. The Undertaker, meanwhile, has scooped up
   the WWF Title belt, and nails Austin in the head. Austin is busted open!
   The Undertaker lays into him, pounding on Austin's forehead and drawing
   more blood. Several referees come in, but they are unable to stop the
   carnage, as the show fades off the air.

 - Next week: Nothing announced.

Comments:

... and all is right in the WWF.

However, we're right back where we were about three months ago, and the 
King of the Ring PPV comes off looking even more pointless than it already 
was. The best stuff happened the following night on free TV! Vince controls 
the WWF again, but Austin is also the champion again. Seems like we've been 
there, done that. The main storyline in the WWF has become one large 
Moebius strip!

It would appear that the "mystery" of who raised and lowered the briefcase 
at the PPV is really a non-mystery. They didn't announce who did it because 
who did it was unimportant. The point was that the McMahons arranged for it 
to be done, thus outsmarting Austin. Of course Austin had the last laugh, 
as he had already booked himself into a title match, etc.

The whole matter of who owns the WWF seems to be settled as well. 
Presumably Vince and Shane each reclaimed their 25% portions (or 50%, if 
the McMahon women in fact signed over their control to Austin. I know 
Austin was CEO, but did he own any stock, or just have their stock backing 
him?) Or Maybe Vince owns it all now? In any case, I don't think we're 
supposed to worry about it. The "Who Owns The WWF" angle has played out. 
I don't think they'll come back to it unless and until they do a split 
between Vince and Shane. All the teases leading up that *that* seems to 
have disappeared ... for the time being.

After RAW ended, the Home Shopping network did a live two hour show selling 
WWF merchandise. West coast viewers unfortunate enough to tune in had the 
finish to RAW ruined for them, as the live HSN show was on before the tape 
delayed RAW feed started. As is customary for these shows, they cut to the 
arena to get a few interviews. The most notable was one with Vince McMahon. 
Austin was still out in the arena celebrating (you could hear his music and 
the roar of the crowd). McMahon was dejected, having once again been 
outmaneuvered by Austin. They also got comments from the Rock, D-Lo Brown, 
Shane & his Posse, and a really funny bit with triple H and Chyna 
pretending that the microphone wasn't working right. Perhaps funnier than 
that was the way the HSN host, unwilling (or unable) to call Bully Gunn 
"Mr. Ass", instead kept calling him "Mr. Posterior". Whether you're 
interested in the merchandise or not, if you get a chance to watch when 
they do one of these, you should check it out.

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The Bottom Line:

Here's how Bash at the Beach is shaping up:

 * Nash/Sting vs. Savage/Sid.
 * Van Hammer vs. Rick Steiner. TV Title Match.
 * Benoit/Saturn vs. DDP/BBB/Kanyon. World Tag Team Title Match.
 * Hennig/Duncum/Windham (x2) vs. Konnan/Mysterio. No Limit Soldiers.

I wouldn't call this the worst PPV line-up ever, but it's damn close. It's 
even worse when you look at a list of WCW wrestlers currently active who 
could fill other matches: Ernest Miller, Disco Inferno, Jerry Flynn, the 
NWO B-Team, Steven Regal, Fit Finlay, Eddie Guerrero, Hak, Brian Knobbs, 
Lodi, Lenny Lane, Buff Bagwell and Roddy Piper. I'm guessing that Bagwell 
will end up facing Piper. A couple good matches could be salvaged using 
some of the above talent, but the lack of storylines between said 
wrestlers doesn't exactly help matters. Instead we're looking at matches 
such as Miller vs. Disco, Miller vs. Flynn, or perhaps even a Triangle 
Match between the three. Obviously more matches will come about in the next 
few weeks, but I'm not holding much hope for them.

There's really only three ongoing storylines in WCW: Nash versus Team 
Madness (and the Hummer driver mystery), Flair & Piper versus the "Y2K 
Kids", and the Country/Rap war. These three storylines, however, are tying 
up more than a dozen wrestlers. Everyone else in WCW occupy themselves with 
little angles which, if they're lucky, last two consecutive weeks.

If the rumors are to be believed, WCW is hoping to breath a little life 
back into things next week with the return of both Hulk Hogan and Bret 
Hart. Shane Douglas, if he signs with WCW, may make his debut there as 
well. (One also can't rule out the returns of Raven, Goldberg, Chris 
Jericho and Scott Hall, though I don't believe there are any specific 
rumors about them going around.) They're in the Georgia Dome next week, and 
RAW is vulnerable (seeing as it will be a taped show), so WCW wants to 
really load things up. If WCW can't close some of the gap with this show, 
there's not much of anything they can do to fight the WWF this summer.

If they can renew fan interest, though, they may be able to compete with 
the WWF through the summer. What WCW has to be looking to on the distant 
horizon is the week this fall when RAW is preempted by the USA Network's 
coverage of the U.S. Open. If WCW can close the ratings gap by then, the 
preemption may allow WCW to beat the WWF the week they come back. (In past 
years WCW has always seen a ratings increase then, just like RAW gets a 
ratings bump when Nitro is preempted by the NBA Playoffs in the spring. 
Both shows have needed a few weeks to get their usual audience back--if 
they're lucky.)

Some see next Monday as a make-or-break show for WCW. If they put on the 
biggest show they're capable of, yet fail to make much of a dent in RAW's 
ratings, then WCW's realistically looking at months, maybe years, before 
they can return to beating the WWF in the ratings. RAW is already closing 
in on the halfway mark of that 80+ week winning streak Nitro amassed a few 
years ago.

In a perfect world the ratings wouldn't mean much in regards to what we see 
Monday nights. Unfortunately, it's all about ratings these days. WCW 
brought in Sid to boost ratings. They brought in Master P to boost ratings. 
They hope bringing in Dennis Rodman this summer will, boost ratings. WCW 
may have some great wrestlers, and put on the occasional great match, but 
they have yet to figure out a way to use that to their advantage in the 
ratings war. The WWF doesn't put on too many great matches, but they focus 
on being entertaining enough that it doesn't matter. Some argue that a few 
years from now, it's WCW and their "quality wrestling" that will be drawing 
in the fans, while the WWF's "shock value" approach will become passe. 
There is some merit to that argument, but only if one assumes the WWF won't 
change to meet consumer demands. Seeing as how the WWF's #1 credo seems to 
be "give the fans what they want", it's a bit silly to think they'll ride 
this "WWF Attitude" approach all the way down in flames. Their success now 
is assuring them the money and mainstream recognition which will be very 
attractive to wrestlers for years to come. WCW's "quality wrestling" won't 
do them much good if many of those "quality wrestlers" decide to jump ship 
to the WWF. The only real dark cloud on the WWF's future are all these 
lawsuits, which has the potential to force talent to move the opposite 
direction, to WCW. If the WWF can weather the storm of the Hart and Sable 
lawsuits, and avoid any further blow-ups after that, then it may be clear 
sailing for them for years to come.

Looking back a few years ago, WCW was faced with a somewhat similar 
situation. Fortunately for them, the WWF was in almost as bad a shape as 
they were. Their solution then? Bring in as many ex-WWF stars as they could 
(namely Hulk Hogan). It'll be pretty sad if WCW, lacking any other options, 
spends a few years just limping along, desperately waiting for that day 
they can sign Steve Austin, the Undertaker, or the Rock.

Creativity, and using the right talent, are the keys to WCW turning things 
around. That's what the WWF did. With that, good ratings will come. Without 
it, WCW can bring back Hogan, Hart, the Ultimate Warrior--anyone they want, 
and it won't matter much.

Keep that in mind when Hulk Hogan and his ego return next week to wrest 
control of WCW away from Kevin Nash.

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"Slobberknocker Central" and "Monday Night Recap" are copyright 1999 by 
John Petrie, and all opinions expressed therein are his own, and not those 
of "USLink". Check the "Slobberknocker Central" main page for info on how 
to receive the "Recap" free via E-Mail every week.

Volume One, Number 189 of the "Monday Night Recap", June 28th, 1999.