Slobberknocker Central Monday Night Recap #180 April 26th, 1999 The Opening Word: Let me begin this week by saying the Slobberknocker Central site is NOT gone. Last Friday my ISP, which had been bought out by a larger company, switched over to some new phone lines. They also shut down the old ISP's server, meaning my website there is history. This hit me without ANY warning, and was the last straw in dealing with a company whose service had become completely unreliable in recent months. Rather than go through the hassle of arranging a website on their server (which would apparently cost me extra every month--it used to be free), I'm signing up with a different company, Slobberknocker Central's original service provider, USLink. The site is actually already up at the same address as the Picture Gallery, but will be moved over to its new home in a few days when the signup process is complete. I'll send you all its new URL, as well as my new E-Mail address, in next week's Recap. This should be a much more stable home for Slobberknocker Central, as their service is much better, and I know the home phone number of their tech guy should any problems arise (hey Mark). A few words about "Ravishing" Rick Rude. I remember first seeing him with Paul Jones and "The Raging Bull" Manny Fernandez in the NWA. Right off I knew he was going to be big, and it didn't surprise me at all to see him arrive in the WWF. I have fond memories of his feud with Jake "the Snake" Roberts. Never that great a wrestler, Rude was one of those guys who was just so good at being a larger-than-life personality. You loved to hate him. I missed him when he dropped out of sight in the early 90's, and will now miss him even more that he's gone. The WWF's Backlash PPV was Sunday. What some were blowing off as a meaningless show last week, many calling it "WrestleMania Part 2", turned out to be a decent PPV. Maybe the WWF's best effort this year. More emphasis than usual was placed on the in-ring product, and while nothing could beat what WCW is able to do with their Cruiserweights, the bulk of this show easily beat out what WCW does with the majority of their PPV undercards and main events. The closest they came to a "bad" match was the Godfather/Goldust bout, and that was kept short and done for comedy. The crowd liked it. The semi-main Undertaker/Ken Shamrock match didn't come off as well as hoped, though that was due more to the live crowd than the effort in the ring. The match itself, which probably went too long, saw the two engage in a down-and-dirty, hold-for-hold, grind-'em-into-the-mat encounter. They proved they could actually get in there and wrestle, but the fans, not used to seeing that kind of match, kept quiet. Those were about the only negatives to what was otherwise a fast-paced, nonstop night of action, capped of by the WWF's best PPV main event thus far this year. In the ring, out of the ring, in the crowd, down the aisles, they went at it for twenty minutes, looking more like two hungry up-and-comers trying to steal the show, rather than two guys at the top of the business who could have sat back and gone through the motions. The finish was a definite crowd pleaser, and proved that Vince McMahon WILL get over as a babyface. The Undertaker's subsequent abduction of Stephanie was corny, though. It worked within the framework of the ongoing storyline, but was another of those bits which failed due to execution. How did he get in the driver's seat of the limo, and how lucky was it that there was a camera in the back sending out a live feed? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WCW Monday Nitro: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Three Hours+. Location: Fargo, North Dakota. HOUR ONE Hosted By: Tony Schiavone and Mike Tenay. - Rick Rood: 1958 - 1999. - Clips from last week open the show. I'm not sure how to describe this next bit, but here goes. The scene is the Central Florida Mental Hospital. A doctor and nurse are discussing the disruptive nature of Ric Flair. (I believe on Thunder last week they said Flair was out, or assumed he was, since his 72 hours of observation were up ... but I digress.) The nurse then tells an assembled group of mental patients that there will be no Nitro tonight. This sets off a bunch of squawking, and somebody, somewhere, somehow, plays a recording of Ric Flair's entrance theme. In comes Flair, dressed in his socks, Florida Gators boxer shorts and wrestling robe. Flair starts strutting along with the mob of mental patients, most of whom or overacting worse than Jim Carrey. A Rob Schneider-esque mental is dubbed "Triple A" by Flair, who thinks he's at a hotel. Not once is it explained why WCW would have left a number of cameras at a mental institution in Florida, transmitting live. This is either sheer brilliance, or the worst angle in the history of wrestling. I'm too stunned to make up my mind which. After the opening, we see WCW referee Charles Robinson talking with J.J. Dillon. Get this: it seems Robinson is now in charge of WCW, having been named Vice President *prior* to his committal to the mental hospital. Oh yeah, right. - Mike Tenay is sitting in for Bobby Heenan tonight, who is "under the weather". - "Rowdy" Roddy Piper comes out. Piper reminds us he's in charge now (he having missed the previous segment). He says Randy "Macho Man" Savage is now reinstated (so long PPV stipulation), and that he will get a U.S. Title shot tonight against Scott Steiner. He then starts to set up a World Title match tonight, when Diamond Dallas Page comes out. Piper wants DDP to face Sting. DDP says no. Piper says tough, that it's going to happen. - BRIAN ADAMS vs. KONNAN You know why we sat through months of the NWO Black & White feuding amongst themselves? So we could see the return of NWO run-ins. Next. - Sting video. - Schiavone. Tenay. SUUUUURRRRRGGGGEEE!!!! - RAVEN vs. THE ARMSTRONGS This was supposed to be a tag team match, but earlier in the day the Horsemen attacked Saturn. They also beat up Kidman, sending both to the hospital. Raven goes through with the handicap match and, somewhat surprisingly, gets pinned by one of the jobbers after a chairshot ("Raven's Rules" in effect). It's been a while since the Armstrongs got a win on TV. - Ric Flair, calling from the mental hospital, tells Charles Robinson to have Roddy Piper arrested. The mentals all act like they're from "There's Something About Mary". For some reason the nurse this time is played by a freakishly huge female bodybuilder. - DDP video. Like the above Sting video this is a few seconds of their theme music played over clips of the wrestler in action. - Repeat of the video package which opened the show. You know, I'm here, I'm watching, I saw this all last week,I know what's going on ... so why punish me for being a regular viewer? We all GET the storylines. It's one thing to start the show with a flashback package, but then to show it again? - "Mean" Gene Okerlund interviews Charles Robinson, who says he's in charge of WCW. Roddy Piper comes out and makes fun of Robinson's size. Robinson slaps Piper. Piper is then jumped by security before he can retaliate. Robinson goes nuts, yelling "I've got the power!", strips his jacket off, says Piper is fired, basically doing a Ric Flair imitation. Schiavone say this is all "shocking", which is such a load. It's just a repeat of what happened last week, with the characters slightly rearranged! Even with all this going on the announcers maintain that Piper and Flair will face at Slamboree, with the winner running WCW. How is that even conceivably possible, with Flair having been removed from his position as President, and Piper being fired by Vice President Robinson? Is Robinson, the guy now in charge, going to okay all this? And what does WCW think about having it executive power structure decided in such a manner? Why would they rehire Piper just to give him a shot at running the company? (Oh yeah, Flair's crazy.) The saddest part is this is all leading to a match between Flair, who's over 50, versus Piper, who has an artificial hip! HOUR TWO Hosted By: Tony Schiavone and Mike Tenay. - STING vs. DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE Starting a few minutes before the hour, this one lasts nearly twenty minutes. For the second week in a row Sting delivers the best Monday night match, going the distance here and pinning DDP to win the WCW World Title. The finish saw DDP whip Sting into the corner, try to follow with a Diamond Cutter, only to have Sting reverse it into a Scorpion Deathdrop. This came on the heels of a series of near pins which brought the crowd to their feet, and kept them there. If only the Cruiserweight matches delivered such emotion. The match was good enough to almost make me forget what an obvious ratings ploy this was. Once again I find myself distracted by Sting's atrocious white boots. I'd comment on what this title change means, but as we'll see soon enough, it's meaningless. - Flair calls Robinson again, ordering him to sign a match between Sting and Goldberg at Slamboree. - REY MYSTERIO, JR. vs. PSYCHOSIS Call it a hunch, or a vibe, but I knew Psychosis was doomed here. And I was right. Mysterio gets the win, in a match that was a notch below average by these guys' standards, regaining the Cruiserweight Title. Chris Benoit and Dean Malenko beat up Mysterio after the match. Hard to see this truncated title reign as much of a push for Psychosis, given he didn't actually pin Rey to win it last week, and lost it back to him in his first rematch. I wonder who leads in the lifetime series these two guys have going? I swear I've seen Mysterio win all but a couple of their matches. It's like Psychosis exists only to lose to Mysterio. - Kevin Nash comes out, gripes about losing his titleshot against DDP at Slamboree, and challenges Sting, DDP and Goldberg to a "Four Corners" match later tonight. I'm so sick of "Four Corners" matches. Flair. Robinson. The insane President says he likes this development, and wants that "Four Corners" match to happen. He then starts to wrestle with the jacked up nurse, which draws a stern look from the first nurse. I think this angle is giving me cancer. - In my token mention of DJ Ran this week, who has delighted us with his ancient hip-hop tunes throughout the show, I'll point out the almost total lack of crowd response. What did WCW expect, this is Fargo they're in. - BAM BAM BIGELOW vs. ERIK WATTS Watts, who I haven't seen since he was stinking up the ring as a member of Techno Team 2000, has on the ugliest pair of pants I've ever seen. Bigelow squashes him in a minute. - "Mean" Gene interviews Sting, who hastily accepts Nash's challenge. You ask me, I'd say they have the wrong guy in the mental hospital. Sting's reapplied his facepaint, which I surmise is the only reason he hadn't piled his crap into a rental car and headed to his motel minutes earlier. Lucky for WCW's matchmakers. - MENG vs. BOOKER T. Given the theme on the night I expected Meng to win the belt here. Didn't happen. Neither did we see a good match. The ref gets wiped out, Meng applies the Tongan Death Grip, Stevie Ray comes out and slapjacks him, Booker covers, and the revived ref counts the pin. Rick Steiner then comes out to attack Stevie, but Booker pulls him off. I can't see this leading anywhere other than a Harlem Heat reunion, and who wants to see that? HOUR THREE Hosted By: Tony Schiavone and Mike Tenay. - We get an update on "Hollywood" Hogan's injury. Dr. James Andrew describes how bad Hogan's knee is. They then show Hogan and Eric Bischoff arriving at the clinic. Hogan wants to take care of DDP first. Bischoff says he should get the knee fixed first. Hogan is wheeled into SURGEry. Boring operation footage, doctors comments, and a statement from Hogan's trainer follows. So in other words, his knee was bad, but now it'll get better. What a waste of time just to tell us the obvious. - WCW's new logo t-shirt says "Shut up and Wrestle" on the back. Given that WCW kills two hours or more every week outside the ring, I wish they'd take their own advice. - Now Flair wants Rick Steiner vs. Booker T. at Slamboree. He also wants tonight's main event to be no DQ. Flair celebrates by dancing with the mentals, and is somewhat surprised when SCOTT HALL steps up and throws his toothpick at him. You just know this is one of those plot points WCW will all but ignore when Hall returns to action. ("Mental hospital? What mental hospital?") - HAK (w/ Chastity) vs. HORACE vs. MIKEY WHIPWRECK vs. BRIAN KNOBBS No wrestling here, just kendo stick shots, some swinging ladder action, and a few tables get broken. A giant SUUUUURRRRRGGGGEEE!!!! wastebasket is hard to escape notice. These only differ from the WWF's Hardcore matches in that they wheel the plunder to ringside. In the WWF they hide it under the ring. I can't believe people can get hung up on that. "Duh, how did it get under the ring?" Here's an idea: one of the PUT it there earlier in the evening. Sound plausible? How do you suppose Chastity finds all that stuff to put into her cart? Just maybe she and Hak go LOOKING for it before the show? Same concept, people. Only a few of the WWF's Hardcore matches have been any good, and me, having not bought a WCW PPV this year, I have yet to see a good one in WCW at all. (There was that time Raven, Hak and Bigelow trashed that white limo, but I'm not sure if that was an official match at that point or not.) Hak delivers the high point in the match with a senton off the ladder onto Whipwreck, putting him through a table. Knobbs then drops the ladder on designated hardcore jobber Whippingboy, and gets the pin. He'll go on to face Bigelow at the PPV for the title of "King of Hardcore", in name if not in leather and gold. Having heard Knobbs on "WCW Live" last week I can tell you he's what we call "a mark for his own character". - Scott Steiner comes out and talks some smack about Randy Savage. - SCOTT STEINER vs. RANDY "MACHO MAN" SAVAGE (w/ Gorgeous George) Savage is also accompanied by "Miss Madness", but no explanation is given as to who she is, how she and Savage hooked up, why she is there, etc. Charles Robinson comes out and chases the other referee off, naming himself the official for this match. Moments later Savage accidentally bumps into him and Robinson calls for the DQ. Madusa comes out and she and Gorgeous George beat up and strip Robinson, who is wearing Florida Gators boxers just like Flair. A Slamboree promo prominently features the old WCW logo. I only mention it because a few minutes later they show a similar promo, now sporting the new logo. - All night they've hyped a video featuring Gorgeous George and Madusa training. What we get is a stream of clips which switch from shot to shot at the speed of light. No more than T&A (nothing wrong with that), nothing slows down long enough to get any kind of look. Most of the video I can't tell which is which. Boobs, hair, someone throws a punch, someone poses, there's an ass ... you get the idea. Remember that "training" video Sable did? Take that, adjust the focus so that sometimes it looks like there's two of her, then play it at double speed. Over that play the Macho Man's them music, and lay on a track of a really loud crowd cheering. WCW can't even do cheesecake right. - DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE vs. KEVIN NASH vs. GOLDBERG vs. STING How many weeks in a row have they had a "Four Corners" match on Nitro? Three? Remember Eric Bischoff's claim that he broke up all WCW's tag teams because they used up too many wrestlers? So what do they think these matches do? The match starts during the commercial break. Sting and DDP have already gone twenty minutes tonight, and sell the fatigue here (and rightly so). The match just rolls along, reaching an unexpected, but not surprising conclusion, when Goldberg hits the Jackhammer on Sting and goes for the cover. Suddenly Randy Savage appears out of nowhere and breaks up the pin. He then throws DDP a pair of brass knux, which he uses on Nash. He then applies the Diamond Cutter and covers for the pin, regaining the WCW World Title. - This Thursday: Nothing announced. - Next week: Nothing announced. Comments: Anyone else see Nash calling in that marker he just handed DDP tonight? Like, at the PPV, maybe? Again a WCW title changes hands without the champ being pinned. So, to answer Schiavone's show closing question, "what does this do to Slamboree?" Answer: not much. DDP still defends the title against Nash, who looks to be a lock to walk away with the belt. Because of Flair and Robinson's actions earlier in the show, Sting will face Goldberg, in a match that should be good, and will probably set up Nash's first opponent as champ. Randy Savage is a bigger enigma than ever now that he's helped DDP regain the belt. It's fits in with his helping DDP win it from Flair (in another "Four Corners" match) at the last PPV. Yet wasn't it Savage who helped Flair win control of WCW way back when? Flair faces Roddy Piper at the PPV, in a match which shouldn't possibly be able to take place for the stipulations stated. We'll also see Gorgeous George face Charles Robinson in a comedy match. She'll win, Robinson will be humiliated, etc. The previous stipulation that Savage would be reinstated should she win is now rendered moot with Savage being reinstated by Piper tonight--an action which ultimately led to WCW promising a match which they didn't deliver. Bigelow vs. Knobbs. Rick Steiner vs. Booker T. The Horsemen vs. Mysterio & Kidman vs. Raven & Saturn. Mysterio regaining the Cruiserweight Title, unless he loses it before then, means we won't see it defended at the PPV. Unless WCW throws out a random Psychosis/Juventud Guerrera/Blitzkrieg match, the three-way match for the Tag Team Titles will be the only one which appeals to the workrate freaks. I'm assuming Scott Steiner will face Buff Bagwell, a feud WCW is taking its sweet-ass time in developing. All in all the Slamboree PPV card is shaping up (I'd add "nicely", were there more than two matches I'm remotely interested in seeing). I've already seen a couple pro-WCW sites say this week's show was obviously the better Monday night show because it featured two World Title changes. Whatever. I'll give it this, it did have the match of the week in Sting vs. DDP. Besides that, I just don't see the improvement WCW fans claim is there. I think the best that can be said is there aren't as many bad backstage segments as there were a few months ago. Of course this week we get a number of Flair/Robinson phone calls, somewhat killing that complimentary assessment. I think in reality WCW has only improved in that they are focusing less time on various midcarders, such as the NWO Black & White, Konnan, Rick Steiner, and so on. Guys like Ernest Miller and Norman Smiley have all but disappeared. Has all this stuff moved to Thunder? I've watched like fifteen minutes of that show in the last month, so how would I know? I can't believe they didn't build to anything this Thursday, what with their scheduled competition that night. I'm not sure, but I think it's already taped. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WWF RAW is WAR: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Two Hours+. Location: Hartford, Connecticut. WWF RAW Hosted By: Jim Ross and Jim Cornette. - The show opens with the following message: "Earlier today, the World Wrestling Federation received a request from the parents of Mathew Kechter to join them tonight in remembering their son, his friends and classmates who lost their lives in the senseless tragedy at Columbine High School. The WWF joins parents, teachers and community leaders in recognizing the importance of banding together to meet the needs of troubled teens. Violence is never an answer. Through communication we will hopefully find a solution. In memory of all who lost their lives we ask everyone to join us in a moment of silence." - Still photos from Breakdown. - Vince McMahon, Jerry Brisco and Pat Patterson arrive at the arena. - Jim Cornette is sitting in for Jerry "the King" Lawler this week, who I guess also has whatever Bobby Heenan has come down with. That's a joke. - The Rock heads to the ring, teases a face turn, then totally rags on Steve Austin for being a piece of trailer park trash, a piece of monkey crap, you know the drill. The Rock then says Shane McMahon is a "two-hundred pound steaming piece of monkey crap" for interfering in his match at the PPV. Out comes Shane McMahon, leading the Corporation to the ring. Shane blames the Rock's loss on a lack of focus. Insults and a staredown ensue. Triple H of the Corporation breaks it up with an attempted cheap shot, but the Rock floors him. Chyna steps in and nails the Rock, who does a slow burn then responds in kind. Then it's the Big Bossman with his nightstick, leading to a full-scale assault on the Rock by Shane and his lackeys (all except for Test, who curiously enough just watches from the corner of the ring). Shane says the Rock is fired from the Corporation, and they start on their way up the ramp. The Rock, needing to save some face, challenges Shane to a match later tonight. Shane, either having a plan in mind or he's related to Ric Flair, accepts the match. Is he nuts? Vince, Jerry and Pat are in the back, debating whether or not Vince should have called the police. Vince says no, that he's gathered the paperwork the Undertaker has asked for and will swap them in return for Stephanie, whom the Undertaker abducted at the conclusion of Backlash. - Vince and the Stooges are awaiting the Undertaker's call. Shane and the Corporation, meanwhile, are getting pumped up for the big match later tonight. Shane says he needs a Rock brahma bull jersey to wear. "No, not 'the Rock,' ... 'the Crock!'" corrects Triple H. - X-PAC/KANE vs. THE BROOD (w/ Christian) Kane lays waste to the opposition, and scores the chokeslam and pin on Edge. Near squash. The lights then go out and Kane receives a bloodbath. Seeing only X-Pac when the lights come back up, he assumes he did it and dumps him into the crowd. Man, I hope these two guys can patch things up before their big match against the New Age Outlaws this Thursday. The Rock is preparing for his match. Vince's phone rings. After the break they play the conversation, which we're somehow able to hear (a token "the technical crew patched in to the phone line" comment would be nice). The Undertaker tells Vince that he wants those papers at 10:00 PM sharp (is that Eastern or Central?) What's more, he wants Steve Austin to deliver them. McMahon balks, knowing full well he can't get Austin to do that for him. The Undertaker says that's Vince's problem, not his. The meet is set to go down in a hotel loading bay, which I assume is next to the arena. - Steve Austin comes out to crow about kicking the Rock's ass. A minute or so in Vince McMahon comes out and sheepishly asks for Austin's help. Austin, after getting Vince to admit how much he needs him, tells him to kiss his ass. The crowd is disappointed that Austin won't help out, though they don't come right out and boo him. - Vince concedes to the Stooges that he'll have to deliver the papers to the Undertaker himself, and hope that he lets Stephanie go. - VAL VENIS vs. D-LO BROWN (w/ Ivory) After a couple of minutes Nicole Bass comes out, distracts Val by telling him he owes her, and D-Lo scores the pin. I rode a horse once which looks just like Bass. Ivory rather stupidly decides to jump Bass from behind, which leads to her getting dumped to the mat. Venis takes the opportunity to make his escape. Austin, walking through the back, has an exchange with Paul Wight: "What the hell are you looking at?" "Hey man, it's the guy's daughter." "I don't give a rat's ass who it is!" Cool, the other babyfaces are going to shame Austin into helping McMahon. - Michael Cole interviews Billy Gunn and the Road Dogg backstage. Gunn manages to dis both Triple H *and* X-Pac. DeGeneration X's days are definitely numbered. - "BAD ASS" BILLY GUNN vs. TRIPLE H (w/ Chyna) Gunn has new entrance music, which is almost as bad as Paul Wight's. Not a bad match, though clocking in at five or six minutes it somehow manages to be boring. Triple H spends a good deal of time working over Gunn's knee, which might make sense if his finisher wasn't the Pedigree. Chyna interferes, Road Dogg comes out, Chyna holds him at bay, and Triple H nails the Pedigree for the win. Shane pumps up Test and the Bossman, then whispers something to the Bossman after Test has started to the ring. WWF WAR ZONE Hosted By: Jim Ross and Jim Cornette. - X-Pac is searching the back halls for Kane. - THE BIG BOSSMAN/TEST vs. MANKIND/"THE BIG SHOW" PAUL WIGHT Mankind and Wight are banged up and bandaged from their brutal "Boiler Room Brawl" (say that five times fast). The story here is that the Bossman turns on Test, letting him get chokeslammed by Wight, and Mandible Clawed by Mankind (who has a new Mr. Socko with his own face airbrushed on it. Cornette incorrectly identifies it as dried blood from the night before). The Bossman chews Test out for losing, Test pops him one, and the Bossman strikes back with his nightstick. That's two men out of the Corporation tonight, though I don't know if this counts as being an official dismissal or not. Close enough for me. Vince is waiting at the loading bay. If the Undertaker meant 10:00 PM Eastern (which he should, since they're in Connecticut), he's late. If he meant 10:00 PM Central, Vince is way early. Back at the arena Steve Austin walks by a monitor and notices McMahon. (Shouldn't he actually be seeing himself, since it's the shot of him that we're seeing? Why would there be a monitor backstage, not in the production truck, showing a different feed?) I sometimes hate it that I notice these little things. - X-Pac hasn't found Kane yet. - Bob Holly is beating the crap out of Al Snow backstage. He grabs the Head, saying he won't get it back until he gets a Hardcore Title rematch. - The bit with the "Cleavage" mailbox has returned. This time we go into the house to see "Beaver Cleavage", formerly Mosh of the Headbangers, eating a bowl of cereal. He doesn't like the taste, and his mother, who looks a little like the muscular nurse at Ric Flair's mental hospital, utters some dialogue which is too smutty for me to repeat. Or too stupid. In any case, that whole Ric Flair angle is suddenly starting to look better. - Another look at the Rock. - JEFF JARRETT (w/ Debra McMichael) vs. THE GODFATHER (w/ Ho's) This match is scheduled to be non-title, but Jarrett goads the Godfather into putting up the belt, which he does on the condition that Debra be on the line too. If the Godfather wins, she has to board the Ho Train. Debra, the marvelous slut that she is, immediately agrees. They needn't have bothered, as about a minute into the match Val Venis comes out to look at Debra, Nicole Bass comes out to look at Val, Val runs away, Godfather rolls up Jarrett for the pin, and Owen Hart runs out to make sure Debra doesn't join the Godfather's stable of Ho's. Still no sign of the Undertaker at the loading dock. - Terri Runnels and Jacqueline admire how rock hard their new boytoy (Sean Stasiak) is. As usual we still don't have a name for him, and I bet once we do, it sucks. - KEN SHAMROCK vs. BRADSHAW No match. Faarooq attacks Shamrock, Test runs out to save Shamrock. Ken gives him that "ugh, you friend" look. - Shane's heading to the ring. - THE ROCK vs. SHANE MCMAHON Shane's Rock jersey has been altered to read "The Crock". The Rock pretty much kills him, as well as Pete Gas and Rodney when they try to interfere. Triple H and Chyna tilt the odds in Shane's favor and he's declared the winner by Helmsley in this non-match. Still no sign of the Undertaker at the loading dock. That's because he's at the arena, with the Acolytes, Paul Bearer, and Stephanie McMahon. - X-Pac hits the ring and demands that Kane come out. Jeff Jarrett and Owen Hart come out instead and attack. Kane makes the save, but a shove from X-Pac leads to a chokeslam. Kane them seems to realize his error, picks up X-Pac, and carries him like a doll from the ring area. You know, this whole show has played out just like last week's show. The lights go out and the Ministry of Darkness make their way to the ring, carrying Stephanie on the Undertaker's cro--symbol. Stephanie is laid against the ropes and Paul Bearer begins a ceremony of some kind, reading from a book he's carrying. Quickly it's apparent that this is a WEDDING ceremony, and that Steph is being hitched to the Undertaker. When asked "will you--", she screams "nooooo!!!!" Ken Shamrock runs in to make the save, but he's grabbed by Faarooq and Bradshaw, held down for a monster splash from Viscera (big "ooh!" from the crowd). Backstage Shane McMahon is preventing the Corporation from making the save. Paul Wight tries to make the rescue, and he manages to take out the Acolytes, Viscera and Midian, but falls victim to the Undertaker and a baseball bat shot (the bat having been dropped by Shamrock when he hit the ring). Ross and Cornette are disgusted at the actions of the Undertaker and his Ministry. *KEE-RASH!* "Stone Cold" Steve Austin charges down the ramp, leveling Midian along the way. Austin and the Undertaker trade blows in the ring. Midian attacks, but Austin takes him out again. The Undertaker quietly slips out the other side of the ring. Austin grabs a steel chair and starts nailing Ministry members. Midian continues to get the worst of it, suffering a Stone Cold Stunner as well before it's all over. Austin unties Stephanie from the symbol, and she gives him a big hug, which he, the reluctant hero, isn't sure how to handle. Vince makes his way to the ring and Stephanie hugs him. The show closes with Austin and McMahon trading looks, Vince grateful, Austin wary as always. - Next week: Nothing announced. Comments: I'll admit it: this was a distressingly bad night for in-ring action this week. Did they even hit the twenty minute mark for actual wrestling? Everything was sacrificed in favor of establishing the latest storylines, and they as a whole varied from "hit" to "miss". A real "miss", although very short this week, is this whole "Beaver Cleavage" gimmick. It's a one note joke. You laugh at the name and that's it. Beyond that he's still the same crappy wrestler nobody cared about before. Should he somehow manage to get over, and deliver good matches, he's still saddled with a dumb name and gimmick. Reminds me of Justin Credible in ECW, or Hugh Morrus in WCW. Or even Val Venis (rhymes with "penis") in the WWF. Ha ha. I get it. Very lame. At the other end of the spectrum, I thought the whole closing segment worked really well. The crowd loved it, Austin's the hero, the Undertaker's being seen as the heel he is, and Vince is smoothly making that babyface turn. Few thought it would work, but what those people overlooked was the dynamic involving the Undertaker, Shane and Austin. It's the interaction between all four which has established the direction the characters are taking. There may not be any more faces and heels in wrestling, but they still work best when put into clearly defined heel and face roles. Vince is still an asshole as far as the fans are concerned, but he's an asshole they respect because of his affection for his daughter. Given time he'll make the full transition and they'll no longer even call him an asshole (a mantle which his son Shane has now inherited). Some may call this a soap opera story. I say it's just good melodrama, and if it delivers good matches come PPV time, I'm all for it. I just wish they'd throw us more of a bone in the ring on Monday nights. They don't need to do one at the expense of the other. The matches could have been better this week without affecting the various storylines. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Bottom Line: WWF Smackdown airs this Thursday on UPN. Check your local listings to see if you get it. (It'll be the channel which shows "Star Trek: Voyager".) If the WWF can draw their usual Monday night audience then this special will not only be one of UPN's highest rated shows this year, but it could also lead to further specials later this summer, and possibly a weekly show in the fall. UPN just earned one of their highest Thursday ratings ever a week or so ago with a special called "Scared Straight: Twenty Years Later". I think it did a 3.5 Nielsen rating. Network numbers are a bit different than cable numbers (they represent different numbers of households). The 6.0 cable ratings RAW has been getting lately translates to something like a 4.2 when compared to network shows. If Smackdown did that well, it would be huge for UPN. It would also kill the taped installment of Thunder it'll be going up against. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Slobberknocker Central" and "Monday Night Recap" are copyright 1999 by John Petrie, and all opinions expressed therein are his own. Check the "Slobberknocker Central" main page for info on how to receive the "Recap" free via E-Mail every week. Volume One, Number 180 of the "Monday Night Recap", April 26th, 1999.