Slobberknocker Central Monday Night Recap #178 April 12th, 1999 The Opening Word: Sometimes I feel like I'm on the outside looking in. Or perhaps that should be the inside looking out? Either way it's hard to consider myself a part of what seems to be the largest part of the Internet pro-wrestling fan community. Or the smallest. Everything's relative from one's perspective, I guess. Case in point: Spring Stampede. Didn't see it. Didn't want to see it. Wouldn't have watched it if someone else bought it. Didn't hear anything about the results which remotely captured my interest. Yet the Net is all abuzz about how this was WCW's best PPV in ages, the best wrestling PPV of the year ... and then much trashing of the WWF follows. So what is it I'm missing here? What is it that's failing to capture the imagination of myself and the other two-thirds of the Monday night wrestling TV viewing audience? Is it just that we're not "real" wrestling fans and we're just tuning in to see the T&A? Is it that we're all immoral hooligans who like to see the display of antisocial behavior? Have we all been swept up into another TV pop culture fad that will fade eventually (like "South Park")? I've been watching wrestling for a good 20 years or so--ever since I was a kid. And while I do have a certain occasional appreciation for a well wrestled match, my fondest memories as a fan have been those in which certain events took place which strayed away from the norm. They are like signposts along the road of being a wrestling fan. I try to think back to the early 80's of the AWA, the mid-80's of the NWA, or the late 80's of the WWF, and they all sort of blur together. I saw thousands of matches, yet none of them made the slightest retained impression that any number of "unusual" events made. Jerry "Crusher" Blackwell turning evil and joining Sheik Adnan El Kaissie (however it was spelled) ... Dusty Rhodes disguising himself as the "Midnight Rider" ... Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage splitting up and fighting over Miss Elizabeth. Anyone remember when the Mulkeys beat the Four Horsemen? Or when Adrian Adonis revealed he was "Adorable"? How about Larry Zbyszko knocking out Greg Gagne with a pair of nunchuks? Rarely did any of this stuff have anything to do with good "wrestling". I didn't even like all of it at the time. But it's this kind of stuff which has left the biggest impression on me, and more and more it's what keeps me a fan, and keeps me tuning in. I like it when the unusual or out of the ordinary happens. Take that away and wrestling is just two guys in their underwear feeling each other up. So I scanned the results of Spring Stampede looking for something that would catch my eye. Nothing did. Kidman and Mysterio had another "four star" match. What, like they don't have those on TV all the time ... for free? Raven, Saturn and the Vanilla Midgets had a good match. Uh-huh ... but what was Saturn WEARING? That's what *I* want to know. Juventud Guerrera and Blitzkrieg brought down the house with the PPV opener. Right ... and who *is* Blitzkrieg again? Oh yeah, he's that guy who's wrestled on Nitro once or twice. Oh, he wrestles on Thunder? Sorry, I stopped watching that a few months ago. (You think I'm kidding.) For me this PPV comes down to the results of the last few matches. Scott Steiner goes over Booker T. That was a real lose/lose situation in my eyes. Booker is just barely over, and is already WCW's Television Champion. Steiner's more over, but an inferior wrestler. He's also got the better character and, as much as I dislike him, he's the one of the two I'd rather watch. So Steiner went from having the TV belt, which he did nothing with, to having the U.S. belt, which he'll also do nothing with. I'll bet he loses it to Buff Bagwell, who WCW is desperately trying to get over as a babyface (something they could have done with ease had they done so when he was still in a wheelchair). Goldberg beat Kevin Nash. Not so much a match as a cryptic statement about WCW's backstage politics. The "marks" are happy that Goldberg is invincible again, while the "smarts" are dissecting booker Kevin Nash's intentions here. Most feel he may now go on to beat DDP for the title, quieting any naysayers with "hey, I jobbed to Goldberg last month!" And then there's the main event, which saw the least over main eventer win the World Title since Ron Simmons won it back in '91 (or was it '92? As if anyone remembers anyway). Again the whole match seemed to be about politics, as Flair dropped the belt without having to be pinned, Hogan had himself removed from a match which he would play no part in, and Sting, who shouldn't have been there in the first place, played no role whatsoever. Let's not forget about special referee Randy Savage, who affected the outcome of the match for reasons known only to ... hell, who knows? In a twisted hindsight sense of logic, DDP was almost the logical choice to win. How else do you end a match in which three of its participants refuse to job to each other? WCW fans are declaring this PPV a triumph, yet its greatest strengths are not what it will really be remembered far down the road. Meanwhile it's buyrate will most likely be quite small, making it one of the least watched WCW PPV's in recent memory. And any bump the show might give the TV ratings Monday would be wiped out the moment the Rock appears on RAW and starts talking. A recitation of his grocery list would beat anything WCW tried to put on--probably by a good two full ratings points. And you know why? Because it's more entertaining. It has nothing to do with "wrestling". I don't know if the Internet is biased against the WWF. It sure seems that way. Yet I'm sure WCW fans would claim the exact opposite. I suppose we all take our own point of view, our own biases, and view all dissenting opinions as being greater than perhaps they really are. For years people have claimed the Internet is dominated by WWF fans. Yet try to say something positive about them and the avalanche of flames and hate mail easily outweighs those of support. Or is it just me? Certainly this seems to be true in the numerous message boards and chat rooms and newsgroups out there. Or at least that's been the case whenever I've looked. Again, maybe it's all a matter of my own skewed perception. What I do know is that right now the real world seems to be the opposite of the Internet. The WWF is killing WCW in the TV ratings. PPV buyrates are heading in opposite directions, like trains in a mathematics problem. The WWF has gone a long way towards matching the ratings dominance streak which WCW pulled off a few years ago: a feat WCW fans said could never be repeated. I can't say as any of that matters much to me, though. I just know I enjoy what I'm seeing in the WWF. But I don't enjoy much of what WCW does. They seem to have decided to focus on their athletes and in-ring product. This has galvanized support amongst the more hardcore "workrate" fans, but in doing so they have alienated the casual fan who looks to be entertained by storyline and characters. So is one "better" than the other? Is one approach more "right" than the other? As I've said many times in recent weeks, I only know what is "better" or more "right" for myself and those of similar tastes. I try to respect the viewpoint of those who disagree. I would hope those people can do the same back to us. I'm glad WCW's fans were pleased by their latest PPV. Really. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WCW Monday Nitro: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Three Hours+. Location: Yakima, Washington. HOUR ONE Hosted By: Tony Schiavone and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. - Footage from Spring Stampede, after the show has ended. New WCW World Heavyweight Champion Diamond Dallas Page is looking over a buffet table. Randy Savage and a large breasted woman going by the ridiculous name of "Gorgeous George" tell DDP that he owes them for his title win. Page is then blindsided by Scott Steiner. - Riki Rachtman tries to act cool, then introduces a DJ who plays that "Jump Around" song (the one that sounds like donkeys squealing) that was such a big hit like five years ago. The Nitro Girls dance. This whole bit looked like EVERYTHING that's on MTV right now. Memo to WCW: you ALREADY get ratings far higher than anything on MTV. Was that Dusty Rhodes' love child there next to Rachtman? - Hey Tony, am I supposed to notice that bottle of SUUUUURRRRRGGGGEEE!!!! sitting there in front of you? - 100th replay of Kimberly being thrown out of a car by Scott Steiner. - Sting comes out and, to make a long story short, yells "whooo!", says he built WCW, and challenges DDP to a match later tonight. - REY MYSTERIO, JR. vs. JUVENTUD GUERRERA Juvi earned this title shot with his victory over Blitzkrieg at the PPV. High spots aplenty for a few minutes until Dean Malenko and Chris Benoit run in. Raven and Saturn follow, to the delight of the crowd. I guess WCW's "good wrestling" emphasis only applies to PPV's now. Backstage Jimmy Hart is trying to pump up Hugh Morrus, who faces Bam Bam Bigelow shortly. Hak then arrives and says he'll tell--nay, show Morrus how to beat Bigelow. He whacks Morrus in the head with his kendo stick, (though the cane clearly skips off Hugh's head, and we hear it whack against Hart. Neither man sells the shot). Morrus then takes the stick and nails a hapless crew member behind him. This guys sells it enough for all three of them. - Scott Steiner promo. - Schiavone and Heenan discuss Bret Hart quitting WCW. Tony takes a tug from the bottle of SUUUUURRRRRGGGGEEE!!!! They show clips from Hart's appearance on "Later" last week. In case you all still don't get it, and to stem the flow of letters I'm getting, THIS IS ALL A WORK! The news stories in Canada, the radio show appearances, Hart's website--it's all part of the angle. - Promo for WCW's new "insider" fan club ... or something. - HUGH MORRUS (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. BAM BAM BIGELOW Again the "good wrestling" is being saved for PPV, as this match plain stunk. Worse than a WWF hardcore match. They trade kendo stick shots, there's a bodyslam, they both miss moonsaults. A table or two gets busted. Morrus jumps off the top with his stick and hits himself, which looked really stupid. Bigelow puts Morrus, the match, and me out of our misery with a headbutt off the top. During the match Schiavone says Bigelow has been lobbying the WCW Championship Committee to create a new Hardcore Title. Wasn't the WWF stealing the idea from ECW bad enough? Mysterio, backstage, is a bit upset with Kidman, his tag team partner, for not being there to watch his back earlier. Kidman says WCW had him off signing autographs or something. I think we're supposed to assume President Flair got him out of the way so that the Horsemen could do their attack on Rey. Or maybe not. - Still shots from the PPV main event. "Hollywood" Hogan was seriously injured by DDP, and we're all supposed to feel real sorry for him, and cheer like crazy when he makes his emotional return. - "Mean" Gene Okerlund conducts one of the ugliest interviews I've ever seen with Diamond Dallas Page. From the start the crowd is mostly against him (or totally ambivalent). Only a few people are actually cheering him, and there's probably as many anti-DDP signs as there are pro-DDP signs. DDP says he's sorry about Hogan's injury, and Okerlund practically turns on him too, thinking he's belittling the injury. Are these guys on the same page of the playbook here? DDP talks about Sting and the crowd makes it clear, if DDP gets anywhere near him, they'll be rooting for Sting. No title shot for Sting, though. Instead DDP will face Scott Steiner later tonight. The crowd cheers here, not so much because they like DDP, but because they hate Steiner. HOUR TWO Hosted By: Tony Schiavone and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. - Tony's got the SUUUUURRRRRGGGGEEE!!!! bottle again. Why don't they just say "WCW is sponsored by SUUUUURRRRRGGGGEEE!!!!," and get it over with? - Ric Flair, Arn Anderson and referee Charles Robinson are out to be interviewed by "Mean" Gene. Flair drops Sting's name, then says DDP can't put the belt up against Steiner because he, Flair, is holding the title up. Randy Savage and Gorgeous George (big tits/stupid name) then come out. Savage says his decision stands because he's backed up by WCW's Executive Championship Committee *and* Flair himself, whose signature is on a document Savage has. Flair gets pissy about this and says Savage can't be reinstated then. Huh? Why does he need to be reinstated? And if Flair has this power, why then did he let Sting waltz back in and put himself into the PPV main event for the title? Charles Robinson then opens his big mouth, gets slapped by Gorgeous George (that really is a stupid name) and before you know it, a match is on at the PPV between Robinson and Gorgeous George. If GG wins, Savage is back. Who would ever want to see that, and does anyone actually believe she WON'T win? Sting then comes out and challenges Flair to a match tonight. Sure, why not? - Schiavone says "THIS IS THE GREATEST NITRO EVER IN THE HISTORY OF MONDAY NITRO!" Sure, why not? (Does that include the first hour?) - EL DANDY/LA PARKA vs. THE MASTER BLASTERS (w/ Jimmy Hart) No match. Kevin Nash comes out. For a moment I figured he was going to beat up the Master Blasters for stealing his and Al Greene's tag team name. Instead Nash beats everyone up, then says that talk he had with Ric Flair last week (they show a clip) was to get him a titleshot versus Flair at the next PPV (Slamboree). That means DDP has to put up the belt instead. I think. Or is Nash making a challenge here? He says what DDP did to Hogan was wrong. But isn't Nash a heel, and DDP the babyface? Or is Hogan a face, making Nash also a face and DDP a heel? But DDP isn't playing a heel. So if DDP is a heel, doesn't that make Flair a babyface? But Flair is a heel. Where does Savage fit into all this? And Sting? And Goldberg? And Steiner? AAARRRRRGGGHHHH!!! It's scary how well this fits in with the latest round of rumors, isn't it? I'll also mention that Nash was drinking a bottle of SUUUUURRRRRGGGGEEE!!!! My head hurts. - DJ Ran. - "Rowdy" Roddy Piper is in the building. Big deal, he lives, what, an hour away from Yakima? - KIDMAN vs. PSYCHOSIS This is "The Greatest Nitro Ever", which is almost like a PPV, so the "good wrestling" rule is back in effect. Decent match, which Kidman wins with the Shooting Star Press. - Nitro Girls. - PPV stills. - Goldberg comes out and gives "Mean" Gene an interview which sounds just like the one he gave last week. I thought this was a replay at first. The only difference here is that now it's Lex Luger who's next. - Nitro Girls and DJ Ran. - RICK STEINER vs. BOOKER T. Booker gets the win with a little help from his brother Stevie Ray--help that goes unnoticed by Booker T. Stevie clocks Rick with the slapjack. Booker then lands the Harlem Sidekick for the win. HOUR THREE Hosted By: Tony Schiavone and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. - Scott Steiner comes out and delivers his usual filthy interview. - Nitro Girls & DJ Ran. GET OFF MY TV! Schiavone's making a total ass of himself at this point. - GOLDBERG vs. KAOS Spear. Jackhammer. - DJ Ran & Riki. (*ka-chuk*) ... BLAM! ... ... ... Great, now I need a new TV. - RIC FLAIR (w/ Arn Anderson) vs. STING What the HELL is Sting wearing on his feet. White booties? The early part of the match is all Sting. None of Flair's offense works on the pumped-up Sting. Press slam by Sting. Flair tries to walk out of the match and Sting chases him down, carrying him back to the ring. Flair does his flop in the corner, meeting a clothesline from Sting as he runs along the apron. Old moves, but the crowd's eating it up. The tide then turns when Flair goes to the floor and drags Sting out. Sting sends Flair to the rail, but Flair comes back with an eye gouge and shot to the back of the knee. Back in the ring Flair continues to work on the knee. Sting suddenly pulls a Scorpion Deathlock out of nowhere. Flair shakes his head yes, no, maybe, but referee Robinson doesn't call the match. Flair reaches the ropes, breaking the hold. Sting backs Flair into the corner. Straddling the ropes he delivers shot after shot. Flair grabs him and drops him across his knee. Sting comes back with a clothesline. He goes for the cover, but Arn has put Flair's foot on the ropes. Back to their feet they trade chops, with Sting no-selling Flair's. Arn tries to interfere and Sting slugs him. Sting then goes for the Stinger Splash, but Arn pulls Flair out of the corner. Sting goes over the turnbuckles and spills to the floor. Arn works over Sting and tosses him back into the ring. Flair delivers a low blow (which they should call the "Presidential Pardon"). Flair climbs to the top, but as always happens when he does this, Sting grabs him and slams him to the mat. Flair with a cover, but Sting bridges out, spins, and backslides Flair to the mat. I love that move. Flair kicks out at two. Sting's now playing to the crowd. Flair shuts him down with a kick to the midsection. Whip to the corner. Sting charges out and clotheslines Flair. Cover and two count. Back to their feet and into the ropes, Flair gives Sting a mule kick to the groin. Vertical suplex by Flair. Sting pops right up. Sting then does his version of Hogan's "hulking up" routine. Another press slam. Stinger Splash. Suplex off the top. Sting starts to apply the Scorpion Deathlock, but lets it go when he sees Arn up on the apron. Sting charges Flair, but Flair ducks, and Sting collides with the ropes. Flair slaps on the Figure Four in the middle of the ring. Arn reaches in and holds Flair's hands for extra leverage. Here comes Randy Savage, taking out Arn. Meanwhile, in the ring, Sting has reversed the Figure Four. Flair breaks the hold. Flair with a chop, which Sting no-sells. Flair tries a suplex, but Sting escapes and delivers a Stinger Deathdrop. Sting covers and Robinson, left with no alternative, makes the reluctant three count. Arn comes in and Sting slaps him into the Scorpion Deathlock. Schiavone rightly declares that this will be known as Sting's big "comeback" match. Great match. - Roddy Piper joins the commentary crew. Michael Buffer does the introductions for the main event. ... and gets all the names right. - DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE (w/ Kimberly) vs. SCOTT STEINER Kimberly looks to have gotten a general makeover as opposed to any specific body work (that I can see, anyway). Her hair is a bit different. Are her boobs bigger? She still looks hot. DDP deposits her behind the rail at ringside. Long match, not really good, but not bad either. It goes along (and along and along) until Kimberly hops the rail, whacks Steiner in the head with a chair, and DDP covers for the pin. Now that WCW's First Couple have their revenge, I hope this feud is over. - This Thursday: Nothing announced. - Next week: Nothing announced. Comments: Highs and lows this week. MANY lows. The Flair/Sting match was the best WCW match I've seen in ages. It wasn't just two guys going out there and bouncing around, not selling and trading endless pin attempts. This was great stuff. Sting looked better here than he did the last time he came back following a long layoff. These guys have nearly a dozen years worth of history between them to draw upon and they both dug down deep. Do this one at the PPV this past weekend, let Sting win the belt, and you've got WCW's Match of the Year frontrunner. This whole show would have ended on a higher note had this been the main event instead of DDP/Steiner. The lows? All of Hour One. Most of Hour Two. The first half of Hour Three. Pretty much everything save for the Kidman/Psychosis match, and the final half hour. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WWF RAW is WAR: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Two Hours+. Location: Detroit, Michigan. WWF RAW Hosted By: Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler. - No advisory label this week. The usual highlights package opens the show. Jim Ross is back behind the mic. I can't even begin to describe what a joy and relief that is. Vince McMahon is shown with his daughter Stephanie backstage, again accompanied by police guards as they were last week. - Shane McMahon leads the Corporation to the ring. After some basic crowd antagonizing he points out that Rodney and Pete Gas of the Mean Streets Posse are on hand tonight. Ken Shamrock then steps in, cuts Shane off, and wants top know why the Corporation didn't back him up last week and rescue his sister. Shane tells him to relax, and that all his questions will be answered tonight. Shane calls his sister Stephanie out to the ring. Vince doesn't like it, but Stephanie wants to go out to be with her brother, who she trusts completely. (I'd like a few bottles of whatever's keeping Stephanie so peppy.) Vince rounds out his guards, and he and his daughter head to the ring. Once there Vince asks his son Shane what he thinks he's doing by putting Stephanie in the line of fire by bringing her out to the ring? Shane turns things around by asking Vince where his priorities are? He accuses him of caring about nothing other than Stephanie. He wants to know why, of all the things to focus on, Vince reinstated Jim Ross as the announcer? Shane says he'd fire Ross, but Michael Cole is even worse. Moving on, he says someone is going to be fired. Pointing to the young faces presented by the Corporation, he fires aging stooges Pat Patterson and Jerry Brisco. Vince asks if he's on some kind of power trip? Shane asks vince where his power is? Vince tells him he won't earn any power without respect. Shane says he'll show him respect ... and slaps him across the cheek! Vince does a slow burn, turns the other cheeks, and leaves with his daughter. (Stephanie, I should note, is badly overacting here, but it's funny to watch.) Shane calls his dad gutless, says he's no longer his father, and he won't even call him "Mr. McMahon" anymore. On the heels of all this Ken Shamrock leaves Shane's side, gives him and the Corporation some colorful gestures, and heads off to join McMahon. Instant face reaction for Kenny, and the crowd was also really rooting for Vince to take a poke at Shane. This face turn WILL work! - Vince thanks Shamrock for his loyalty. He, Stephanie, and the Stooges then pile into his limo and leave. We then see Shane and the Corporation. The Rock says something about getting some fresh air and leaves. - SABLE vs. TORRIE vs. IVORY vs. JACQUELINE (w/ Terri Runnels) First ever "Four Corners Match" for the WWF Women's Championship ... which doesn't take place. Sable is accompanied by Nicole Bass, who chokeslams and bodyslams all the other competitors out of commission. I wouldn't have minded this if the WWF hadn't hyped it on their website, at the top of the show, etc. Blow off the impromptu matches, not the scheduled title matches. The lights go out. The Undertaker appears on the Titan-Tron (repaired, and now sporting a new "WWF.com" logo), and promises another sacrifice tonight. Steve Austin arrives. - "Stone Cold" Steve Austin makes his way to the ring. The usual ass-related comments follow. The Rock appears on the Titan-Tron, standing on a bridge somewhere in Detroit. He reminds us how Steve Austin threw the Rock's Intercontinental Title belt off a bridge about a year-and-a-half ago. The Rock says he'll be waiting on "Rudy Poo Bridge", at the corner of "the People's Champ Boulevard" and "Candy-ass Lane". Mankind arrives at the arena, asking for directions to the boiler room. Did he say he and Al Snow used to play "tonsil hockey"? Ewwwww! - Michael Cole is outside the boiler room, where Mankind awaits. - PAUL WIGHT vs. CHRISTIAN (w/ the Brood) Huge crowd pop for Wight. Who says he isn't over? His entrance music is pretty bad, though. Sounds like something off the soundtrack for "Road House". The Undertaker's voice plays over the P.A. system, telling Edge and Gangrel to leave Christian by himself. Wight with the chokeslam. Cole gets comments from Mankind, who says he knows the Big Show may be popular now, but he'll take care of him in their "Boiler Room Match" at the Backlash PPV in two weeks. Shane orders Rodney and Pete Gas to take care of Mankind down in the boiler room. - The Rock is on the bridge. Rodney and Pete Gas are running through the halls. Can Detroit contain all this mayhem? - "BADD ASS" BILLY GUNN vs. VAL VENIS Gunn sucks up to the Detroit Red Wings fans. The women in the crowd, on the other hand, appreciate Val's rather large penis. The match? These two try to put something together, but it's soon derailed by the storyline train. Owen Hart and Jeff Jarrett run out and attack Gunn. Road Dogg makes the save. Venis then has a bit of a staredown with Debra McMichael, who seems to appreciate Val's rather large penis. These guys' storylines were all kind of tangled together during the stretch run to WrestleMania, and I think they're now having a hard time untangling them. Rodney and Pete (Rodney Peete?) are outside the boiler room. - Mankind is destroying Pete Gas and Rodney. Suddenly it's quite clear that Shane has fired Patterson and Brisco from the Corporation, only to have replaced them with his own two stooges! Perfect. Mankind tosses them out the boiler room door. We then hear someone crying off within the bowels of the boiler room. Mankind investigates. Distressingly low amount of wrestling this hour, which is a shame because what they're doing outside the ring is so good. WWF WAR ZONE Hosted By: Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler. - JEFF JARRETT/OWEN HART (w/ Debra) vs. THE ACOLYTES There's barely enough time for a decent "nugget!" chant before the Brood runs in. The lights go out, the Undertaker comes out, and he threatens to make Debra his next sacrifice. Ken Shamrock runs in with a baseball bat. He goes to hit the Undertaker, but the Taker tells him he'll never find out where his sister Ryan is. He then tells him she's in the boiler room. Shamrock is then attacked by the Brood, who he fights off with the bat. Shamrock heads off for the boiler room. The Rock's still waiting. What else did he expect--Austin's off looking for the "Rudy Poo Bridge". - Shamrock's power walking in the direction of the boiler room. - THE BIG BOSSMAN vs. GOLDUST The Godfather comes out with five Ho's, which he offers to the Bossman in exchange for this Intercontinental Title shot against Goldust. The Bossman accepts, for all five Ho's. They all leave together. - THE GODFATHER vs. GOLDUST An ugly, ugly match, which the Godfather wins with the Death Valley Driver. New Intercontinental Champion. The Ho's come running back out to celebrate with him. Big crowd pop for the win. I bet Goldust wins it back next week in a rematch. Shamrock has found the boiler room. Mankind, having found that the crying was coming from Ryan, calls Shamrock over. As Ken consoles his sister, he and Mankind hear a sound in the darkness. Shamrock and Mankind have been attacked by members of the Ministry of Darkness. The Undertaker barks commands to his troops. Paul Bearer knocks out Shamrock with an ether soaked rag (ahh .... Jim Cornette's doing the booking these days!) - D-LO BROWN (w/ Ivory) vs. HARDCORE HOLLY Al Snow sits in for color commentary and, just as Mankind has been badmouthing Snow lately, Snow badmouths Mankind. The two immediately go to the floor. Holly retrieves a hockey stick from under the ring, which is grabbed and taken away by members of the Detroit Red Wings who are seated in the front row. Holly shoves one of them down, but is then leveled by D-Lo. The hockey players then hand D-Lo the stick. Cool. The match ends when Snow, trying to "protect his investment", saves Holly from getting put through a table by a D-Lo Frog Splash off the top. Holly covers the groggy D-Lo for the pin. He and Snow will square off for the Hardcore Title at Backlash. The Undertaker tells the unconscious Shamrock that soon he will become part of the Ministry. The Rock, still waiting for Austin, finds a pole and indulges in a little bit of bridge fishing. - The Ministry is out to sacrifice Shamrock. The Undertaker accidentally calls his symbol a cross, which sent Bob Ryder scurrying to his computer faster than light travels to the Earth from the sun. The Undertaker then orders Christian to be tied to a second symbol. Edge and Gangrel refuse to do it, leading to them being attacked by the Acolytes, Midian and Viscera. Meanwhile Shamrock frees himself from his bonds, as the Undertaker makes a silent exit via the stage elevator (which the Brood members use during their entrances). Mankind also shows up to help the Brood fight the Ministry, and help Shamrock escape. - X-PAC/KANE vs. TRIPLE H/TEST Kane wrestles much of the match this week, starting out against Test. He softens him up, but won't tag out to X-Pac. X-Pac tag himself in, and immediately is forced on the defensive. Triple H tags in. Chyna interferes. X-Pac battles back. Kane and Test are tagged in. Test is knocked down into the corner, where he's on the receiving end of a Bronco Ride from X-Pac. Test rolls out, but is tossed back in by Triple H. Kane plants him with the Tombstone Piledriver and scores the pin. X-Pac and Kane chase after the fleeing Triple H and Chyna. The Rock's beeper goes off. Seeing the "3:16" this time isn't a surprise like it was a year-and-a-half ago. Shamrock charges the ring as time is rapidly dwindling away. He calls out the Undertaker. The lights dim and the Undertaker comes out, but from behind rather than head-on. He pummels Shamrock, but Shamrock is able to flip him over and lay in a beating of his own. He's then overwhelmed by the other Ministry members. Shamrock is beaten until Triple H and the Bossman come out for the save. Or is it, as they too lay into him after pulling him out of the ring. Shane McMahon looks on from the stage. Austin has arrived at the bridge, and he and the Rock go at it. Nailing Austin with the fishing pole, he then pushes him over the edge of the bridge. "Go to hell!" exclaims the Rock, just before knocking him to the icy waters some 20 or 30 feet below! He then tosses Austin's Smoking Skull title belt in after him. - Next week: Nothing announced. Comments: Cool finish and all, but did they really need so many cameras to record it? There were two or three up on the bridge, and another down on the riverbank to get a riverbank long shot of the bridge (and what I would guess was the stuntman--if it was one--subbing for Austin making the fall). Add into that the bleeped swearing and the whole thing really seemed like it was taped much earlier, and only showed at the very end to make us watch the whole show. To their credit they did show the long shot/riverbank perspective of the bridge earlier in the show, so the cameraman's presence there is explainable. Still, it's pretty convenient that he would have hung around there so long just to be in position for something he'd had no way knowing would take place. I'm afraid they got a bit too fancy here, and it made the scenario less believable. It just bugged me when I first saw it, though I couldn't put my finger on why. Watching it a second time all the camera angle cuts jumped out at me. It looked good, though, and was memorable (just like the NWO beating of Ric Flair a few months ago). Another fun, entertaining show, but even I'll grant the actual wrestling was really poor this week. The main event was the only one with any "oomph", and it wasn't all that great. I think the WWF can tell their stories the way they do, and still give us a little something decent in the ring. Last week they did that quite well. In recent weeks before that they'd succeeded to varying degrees. This week, though, there just wasn't much to watch in the ring. There was a mere 20 minutes or so of actual wrestling this week, with some good, most of it mediocre, and a little bit bad. The thing of it is, take away that 20 minutes and there was still roughly an hour and forty-five minutes of entertainment (less when you subtract commercials and such). That's why the lack of wrestling still doesn't get me down too much. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Bottom Line: Compare that to Nitro. There was almost a full hour of wrestling action this week: not all of it that good in my opinion. That still left over two hours of interviews, clips, commercials and such. Almost none of it, again, in my opinion, was all that good. WCW's strength lies in their wrestling, and given that, this week's show had their strengths outweighing their weaknesses by more than two-to-one. Even taking a diehard WCW's fan's assertion that all of RAW was crap, you're still comparing two hours of WWF crap to just over two hours of WCW crap (as I see it). Anyway, what I'm trying to say here is that--busted record--three hours is just too damn long for Nitro. Even when WCW delivers a few kick-ass matches, or pulls of an angle that works, or someone delivers a decent interview, there's left too damn much crap time to drag it all down. That's why I stopped giving Nitro the win a year ago back when I was still calling a winner each week: and it's why no matter what awesome thing they manage to do these days, it's just not enough to get me to say "that was a good show". What WCW does that I like is always very little, from both a percentage and actual time standpoint. Let's take this a bit further (yes, I'm babbling now. You can all stop reading if you want). How much of Nitro has to be "good" to be a "good show". Well, the entire show is three hours and five minutes long. If we say just over half has to be good, that would mean WCW would have to deliver and hour and thirty-three minutes of quality stuff. Since they usually average between forty-five minutes and an hour of wrestling, and we assume it's all good (*snort*), that leaves between a half-hour and forty-five minutes of "good" angles, interviews and whatnot (less when you subtract for commercials). Even giving WCW the complete benefit of the doubt as to their ability to do this, how often have they actually delivered such a show in recent months? Once? Maybe twice? This is just assuming over half would make a "good" show. That's still an hour and thirty-two minutes or so of crap we'd have to endure. Half the show would have been "good", but we're still talking about 1:32 of "bad". That's a lot of "bad". That's like two-thirds an entire RAW. I can tell you if RAW delivered an hour and thirty-two minutes of crap, I wouldn't care for THAT show. With RAW usually doing less than thirty minutes of wrestling a week, and for the sake of argument we assume ALL of it's crap, that's still an hour or more of crap the WWF would have to dish out in their angles, interviews and such (less minus commercials). Now, I know a lot out there don't like RAW and the WWF, but when was the last time they delivered a show THAT bad? You'd probably have to go back to 1997 to find a WWF show that bad. Even the recent Toronto Skydome RAW everyone trashes wasn't that bad. If we look at it as a simple percentage, then RAW would have to deliver an hour and three minutes of crap to be a "bad" show. Here's where the Toronto RAW may have come close, but the average RAW doesn't. This is again assuming half the show has to be "good" or "bad" to consider it a success or failure. Everyone's specific tastes will swing that percentage one way or the other. As I see it, giving WCW its due, it's "bad" usually outweighs its "good" by two-to-one. On the other hand, the WWF's "good" outweighs the "bad" by two-to-one: maybe even by three-to-one. I suppose how much we decide is "good" defines what our biases are. For example, am I being unreasonable in feeling it's crap every time Riki Rachtman appears on Nitro? Ah hell, even I don't know what I'm trying to say anymore. Moving on to the Backlash PPV, here's how the card is shaping up: * Steve Austin vs. the Rock. Shane McMahon guest referee. * Paul Wight vs. Mankind. Boiler Room Brawl. * Ken Shamrock vs. the Undertaker. * Bob Holly vs. Al Snow. Hardcore Title Match. * X-Pac vs. Triple H. * Owen Hart & Jeff Jarrett vs. the New Age Outlaws. Sable should be in action too, against one of her three current challengers. Seems to me I heard a rumor about an "Evening Gown Match". Let's wrap this up with a short list of things I would do to improve wrestling in general today: NAMES: Come up with a good name for new wrestlers--especially the women. "Test", "Tori", "Ivory", "Samantha", "Hak", "Gorgeous George". What a crappy load of names the two feds have come up with lately. ECW too ("Tammy Lynn Bytch"--give me a break. "Justin Credible"--Puh-leeze!) It used to be that they'd come up with gimmicks that were terrible ("Doink", "PN News", "the American Males"). Now they do okay with the gimmicks, it's just the names that suck. Can they possibly spend more than 30 seconds on any of these? I hear WCW asked James "Sandman" Fullington to come up with a new name and, after staring blankly in space for a few minutes, "Hak" was all he could come up with. What was wrong with his real name? Didn't want to cut him in on the t-shirt profits? The WWF brought the Giant in under his real name and that worked. His nickname--"The Big Show"--isn't the greatest, but it works. "Big Poppa Pump" works for Scott Steiner. Why can't they put as much thought into actual names as they do the nicknames? STORYLINES: This is for WCW. Please stop, take a breath, and sit down and PLAN a storyline out. Come up with a scenario that will play out over a few months, then stick to it. I have a hard time believing more than half of what we saw on Nitro this week wasn't thought up earlier in the day; and that DDP's winning the title at the PPV was planned all that far in advance. Surely you don't wait until one week before he wins the title to get around to inserting him into that position in the first place? One week they're setting up some kind of angle involving Dusty Rhodes and Kevin Nash alongside Ric Flair and "Hollywood" Hogan. The next week they drop that and just focus on Flair and Hogan. Then six days before the PPV they shoehorn Sting and Diamond Dallas Page into the picture. Now DDP has the belt and neither he nor the fans know if he's supposed to be a face or heel; while Sting, Flair, Nash and Goldberg are all chasing him for the belt. WCW can pull a name out of a hat for their next PPV main event. Should they be surprised, then, when the fans only show a cursory interest in the match-up? Forget about being "better" than the WWF, just do things in a way so as to allow WCW fans to follow things for more than two weeks at a time. Reward their loyalty, don't mix them up and confuse them. MATCHES: This is for the WWF. Would it kill ya to put on matches longer than four minutes? An extra two or three minutes per match isn't going to kill the ratings. Neither will a few more finishes that don't involve run-ins. Part of what has killed WCW was their constant NWO run-ins. Seeing the same from the Corporation and the Ministry is no different. And lets cut back on the promised-but-not-delivered matches, shall we? It's aggravating to have a match announced, the wrestlers come out, then something happen which prevents the match from taking place. Every so often, as part of an angle, is understandable. But on RAW this is a weekly occurrence. The non-wrestling portions of the show are hitting on all cylinders. Just a slight adjustment to the in-ring product could be enough to lure some WCW fans away. Hell, most of their matches this week were only five or six minutes long. Some of RAW's best main events in the last several months ran near or over ten minutes. A few longer matches each week, and a lengthy main event, and the WWF could silence a lot of the criticisms regarding their "wrestling" content--while still focusing on the "sports entertainment" stuff that's making the WWF such a hit now. TRIANGLES & REFEREES: My biggest gripe is the constant three-way and four-way matches we've seen lately. There've been so many that they've stopped meaning anything, other than cheap ways to change titles without the champs having to do the job. I'm also sick of matches with special referees. When was the last time a guest referee called a match straight, without affecting the outcome? Shane McMahon will referee the Rock/Austin match at the upcoming Backlash PPV, and you know no matter what the quality of action delivered by the two wrestlers, it's all going to come down to Shane cheating on the Rock's behalf, and most likely his being taken out of action and another referee having to come in and replace him (if Austin's lucky). Taking into account Randy Savage's role at Spring Stampede, anyone could have won that match. That's why fan reaction was so weak for DDP's win. He didn't "earn" it. Add in "evil" referees, or bought off ones like Charles Robinson. I've also got a problem with some of the mid-carders WCW's decided to push, but I'll save that rant for another day. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Slobberknocker Central" and "Monday Night Recap" are copyright 1999 by John Petrie, and all opinions expressed therein are his own, and not those of "Internet Access, Inc". Check the "Slobberknocker Central" main page for info on how to receive the "Recap" free via E-Mail every week. Volume One, Number 178 of the "Monday Night Recap", April 12th, 1999.