Slobberknocker Central Monday Night Recap #172
March 1st, 1999

The Opening Word:

I caught "Stone Cold" Steve Austin on "Nash Bridges" this past Friday. Let 
me just say I'm glad he still has his wrestling career. He wasn't really 
bad, but it was hard to call what he did "acting". He does have tremendous 
charisma, though, and a good screen presence. What I saw pretty much 
reminded me of what I've seen other times when Austin has been in front of 
the camera (away from the world of wrestling): he's shy. He just doesn't 
look all that at ease in front of the camera. With work, though, he can 
change that. He'll never be a major film star, but there's definitely a 
career to be made for himself if he goes that route. Hey, if Roddy Piper 
and Hulk Hogan could do it, I think Austin at least has a shot. (Piper, to 
be honest, actually isn't too bad an actor now. It took him a long time to 
get there, though.)

Austin's appearance on "Nash Bridges" reportedly boosted the show's 
viewership buy a couple of points, making it the most watched show on TV at 
that time slot.

Also saw Bret Hart arm wrestle Will "Work For Food" Sasso on "MadTV". Hart 
continued his wrestling gimmick of the fake groin injury and came out on 
crutches. He then lost the contest when his groin "gave a twinge". Hart 
proceeded to beat on Sasso with his crutch until Roddy Piper came out of 
the audience. Piper grabbed a can of hairspray, or something, and sprayed 
Hart in the eyes. Security dragged Hart away, as everyone scurried about 
and acted like this was all "real", and that something unexpected had 
transpired. No doubt all this will be replayed on Nitro, with it being used 
to kick off a feud between Hart and Piper. I can live with that, assuming 
Hart eventually comes out on top. I'll give credit to WCW for doing such an 
interesting cross-promotional angle, but "MadTV" isn't exactly the best 
place to do it. I watched "MadTV" off-and-on during its first season, then 
stopped when they went into a cycle of reruns that seemed to last about six 
months. A few seasons, and several cast changes later, I don't watch it 
much at all any more.

The WWF took an embarrassing hit Sunday night when their Heat broadcast on 
USA failed to come off as planned. Some kind of "atmospheric conditions" 
killed the video, meaning all viewers got for the first 28 minutes was a 
still graphic, a scrolling technical difficulties advisory, and audio 
play-by-play from Kevin Kelly and Terry Taylor. Then either the WWF or USA 
pulled the plug and replayed last week's show. On Monday the WWF played the 
broadcast on their website just before Code Red--the weekly RAW countdown 
show.

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WCW Monday Nitro:
Live/Taped: Live.
Length: Three Hours+.
Location: Chapel Hill, North Carolina.
HOUR ONE Hosted By: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay and Larry Zbyszko.

 - Rick Wilson, AKA Renegade, 1965-1999, ring bell salute. A somber,
   respectful tribute.

 - David Flair and Torrie Wilson are in a limo somewhere. David has a
   recording of his answering machine messages. Papa Ric has been calling
   like crazy, demanding that they sit down for a talk. David laughs and
   says his old man is going to announce his retirement tonight.

 - Opening hype. Schiavone says Flair has a huge announcement, speculated
   to be the retirement that David Flair mentioned in his clip.

 - Clips from last week.

 - Riki Rachtman, some Nitro Girls, and a Nitro Party that's as fun as one
   could be without booze, sex, decent music, and is being filmed by
   cameras.

 - Scott Steiner and Buff Bagwell come out, as the censors stand by ready
   to pull the plug. True to Eric Bischoff's word Steiner delivers a
   toned-down monologue, only using the word "scumbag" twice. (I personally
   don't consider that word profanity, but some do. Remember the huge flap
   there was when that senator called the President a scumbag last year? I
   don't consider "suck it!" to be profanity either, so there you go.
   That's just me.) Steiner challenges his brother Rick and Goldberg to a
   match later with he and Bagwell. The lack of filth made this speech
   boring.

 - More from the Party That Will Not Die. That segues into footage of the
   Nitro Girls running around the UNC campus earlier in the day.

 - Opening credits (only fifteen minutes late).

 - Kevin Nash, Lex Luger and Disco Inferno come out to the entryway. Nash
   says he forgives Rey Mysterio for pinning him last week, and offers him
   a Wolfpac t-shirt and a spot in the NWO Red & Black. Rey doesn't appear.
   Nash then whips out his cellphone and dials up Rey. A one-sided
   conversation tells us that Rey isn't interested in joining the Wolfpac.
   So they ... leave. YOW! That was productive. Not making any accusations
   here, but Nash looked drunk.

 - Video package of Bret Hart breaking Booker T's knee, then Booker coming
   back and getting his revenge by beating him last week. Schiavone starts
   talking about the "Top Five Contenders to the U.S. Title List". Whuh?

 - PSYCHOSIS vs. KIDMAN
   Shee-iit, I thought I'd be able to get by without them actually doing
   any matches this week. Schiavone now starts talking about the "Top Five
   Contenders to the Cruiserweight Title List". I'm not sure there are even
   five CONTENDERS to the Cruiserweight Title, much less any kind of list
   to put them on!

   Decent match, seen it before, commercial in the middle, Kidman with the
   Shooting Star Press.

 - Second Nitro airing of the SuperBrawl clip in which Chris Benoit and
   Dean Malenko attack new Tag Team Champions Barry Windham and Curt
   Hennig.

 - David and Torrie are in a dressing room when Arn Anderson storms in. Arn
   tries to talk some sense into the kid, but neither he nor Torrie will
   have any of it. He calls Arn "jealous". Arn walks out, saying that after
   this, "you're one of THEM."

 - Jeez, now Meng is going to be on "Mortal Kombat".

 - "Hollywood" Hogan holds a conference with Vincent. Subject: Stevie Ray.
   Hogan says if Stevie acts up tonight, take him out. If the next clip has
   Hogan telling HORACE to take out VINCENT, I'm taking out HOGAN myself!

 - BAM BAM BIGELOW vs. REY MYSTERIO, JR.
   Oh crud. Look, it was funny last week, but it gets stupid when you make
   a running gag out of it (see Spike Dudley in ECW). Bigelow should be
   able to kill Rey in about ten seconds, but he dicks around, makes
   himself look real stupid, and ...

HOUR TWO Hosted By: Schiavone, Tenay and Zbyszko.

 - ... the match carries over to the start of RAW. Buh-bye!

   Fireworks signal the start of the second hour. The match, meanwhile,
   continues. I yell "just lay on him you fat bastard, and you'll get the
   pin!" But, as everyone on the planet could see coming, Rey rallies back
   from the tepid beating he's taken and scores the "upset" pin. Bigelow's
   career is now totally ruined, having lost to Goldberg, taking ten
   minutes to beat Van Hammer last week, and then taking ten minutes to
   lose to Rey Mysterio this week. Don't ever tell me this guy is a threat
   to anyone ever again. He should just take a cue from Vader, call himself
   a "fat piece of shit!", and go to Japan.

   (Only half of what you read above was sarcasm. The other half was
   disbelief over the pettiness WCW displays in bringing in talent just to
   squash them.)

   After the obligatory replays and such we see "Mean" Gene Okerlund track
   down Rey in the back. Gene-O tells him that losing his mask was the best
   thing that ever happened to him. Kevin Nash then pops up and obliterates
   Rey. I'm not sure if a feud here has any point now, since we've already
   seen Rey lose his mask, then come back to pin Nash. What else can they
   possibly do?

   Now it's Bigelow's turn to get beat up, as he's been jumped by Raven
   (with Chastity looking on). They demolish some backstage equipment, at
   which point Hardcore Hak arrives and joins the melee. Hak takes the
   cameraman out with his Singapore Cane.

 - Commercial. Ric Flair's limo arrives. Commercial.

 - Nash, Luger and Disco have corralled Stevie Ray. They tell him Vincent
   has been talking smack about him all week (what, these guys all live
   together?)

 - Jerry Flynn comes out and gets on the mic. Am I wrong to suggest that
   this move is a just plain bad idea both business-wise and creative-wise?
   Flynn calls out Ernest Miller.

 - JERRY FLYNN vs. ERNEST MILLER (w/ Sonny Onoo)
   Of course I'm really blowing through this one. First off, Flynn's
   challenge seems to take forever. Then Miller takes about a week to walk
   to the ring. Miller slides into the ring, but grabs the ref by mistake
   instead of Flynn. The match starts and about three months later they do
   the finish where both guys are knocked out and the ref declares the
   first man to his feet will be the winner. Flynn is up first, but Miller
   has the referee distracted. Sonny Onoo takes down Flynn, Miller gets up,
   and wins. Then both men, who were knocked out just moments earlier, have
   the energy to do a "comedic" chase around the ring.

 - Recap of the Scott Steiner/Diamond Dallas Page feud.

 - SATURN vs. HUGH MORRUS
   WCW only has themselves to blame if this stretch turns out to be their
   lowest rated in recent memory. This one drags on for like ten minutes
   (five minutes of which--I swear--was rest holds). The crowd gets hostile
   and starts chanting "boring!", causing the techs to lower the audio. I'm
   blowing through the tape as I write this, using fast-forward, and it's
   STILL taking forever. Chris Jericho eventually comes out and punks
   Saturn with a chain. Morrus thwunks the moonsault and covers for the
   pin.

   During the above match Schiavone announces that Raven, Bigelow and Hak
   will square off in a "Triangle Match" at Uncensored. My, that's
   original.

 - Remember that nonsense last week with Steiner and Bagwell in the drag
   club? Part two plays this week, but in accordance with WCW's effort to
   make themselves tamer than the WWF, they mute the audio (too racy I
   guess--Heenan and Schiavone talk over it). They then walk up some
   stairs, react to something that has been cut out, and the piece ends(?),
   having made no sense whatsoever! The really stupid thing is part three
   will air next week!

 - More Nitro Party.

 - Replay of Hennig/Windham interview.

 - BRET "HITMAN" HART vs. CHRIS BENOIT
   Somewhere in Canada Herb Kunze has popped an erection.

   A fine, fine twenty minute match, which is only spoiled a bit by a
   commercial in the middle ...

HOUR THREE Hosted By: Schiavone, Tenay and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan.

   ... and the finish. Hennig and Windham come out, beat on Benoit, and
   Hart slaps on the Sharpshooter. Benoit reaches the ropes, causing the
   ref to order the break. Hart ignores the count, earning a DQ. Malenko
   comes out for the save, but winds up being part of a big three-on-two
   beatdown. This could have been great, but they just threw it out there,
   with Hart having little heat, and Benoit involved (sort of) in a feud
   with Windham and Hennig. I give WCW a "C-" for their effort, and Benoit
   and Hart a "B+" for theirs.

 - "Hollywood" Hogan leads the NWO and Wolfpac to the ring. As he's telling
   us Ric Flair is going to retire, Stevie Ray and Vincent get into a
   shoving match (with plenty of wide shots before so we could see Nash 
   stirring things up). Hogan ignores them and keeps blabbing.

 - Konan music video.

 - "Mean" Gene interviews Ric Flair. Flair mentions David, saying he has no
   idea why he joined the NWO. He then sucks up to the crowd, acts like a
   Crazy Old Man, and announces that he will face Hogan in a steel cage
   topped with barbed wire at Uncensored--World Title on the line. I'm of
   course leaving out all the histrionics which wow the faithful, but bore
   the rest of us.

   The above two interview segments take a well over a half hour.

 - GOLDBERG/RICK STEINER vs. SCOTT STEINER/BUFF BAGWELL
   A passably interesting match, with lots of crowd heat and power displays
   from the wrestlers. Rick Steiner pins Bagwell following a bulldog off
   the top.

 - This Thursday: Nothing announced.

 - Next week: Nothing announced.

Comments:

Hour one was a bit dull and uneventful, but had one good match. The first 
half of hour two was just terrible, with the second half having a good 
match. Hour three was only slightly less dull and uneventful as the first, 
but was topped off by an okay match. If you're a classic, technical 
wrestling fan, WCW is delivering some good stuff. Unfortunately for WCW 
those fans only make up part of the overall audience out there. If you're a 
fan of shorter matches, interesting stories, good interviews, or whatever, 
this show isn't getting the job done. There wasn't anything that resembled 
flow to this week's show, as it was filled with, on the average, ten minute 
long matches, separated by twenty minutes of other stuff--mostly filler. 
Just look at the stuff above again and see if that isn't accurate: twenty 
minutes of filler, ten minute match, twenty minutes of filler, ten minute 
match. The only exception was the Hart match, which ran closer to twenty 
minutes, but that was balanced out a bit by the shorter Morrus/Saturn 
match. We're looking at about an hour of actual wrestling in a three hour 
show. That's one third of the air time. It's a better percentage, and total 
wrestling time, that what the WWF is delivering, but evenly spreading it 
out over the three hours like that makes it seem less. If you're a 
"wrestling" fan then there's too much filler to have to sit through between 
the matches. If you're an "angle" fan then the matches are two long. Those 
in the middle (of which I would perhaps count myself) find everything a bit 
too long, and watch without getting swept up into the show. It doesn't draw 
you in and carry you along. You wind up liking an interview here, an angle 
there, and a match or two, but when it's all said and done you aren't 
impressed with the show as a whole.

That is, of course, being complimentary to this week's show. Lately WCW has 
been delivering stuff that was so bad it overshadowed what good there was. 
Not this week, though.

The Hogan/Flair match at Uncensored is suppose to be "First Blood", but WCW 
doesn't want to mention that on TV (for obvious reasons). No word yet if 
Flair will also put his career on the line (in storyline terms, I mean).

Here's what we have so far for Uncensored:

 * Hogan vs. Flair. Steel Cage/Barbed Wire/World Title Match.
 * Scott Hall vs. Booker T. U.S. Title Match.
 * Windham & Hennig vs. Malenko & Benoit. Tag Team Title Match.
 * Raven vs. Bigelow vs. Hak. Triangle Match.
 * Ernest Miller & Sonny Onoo vs. Jerry Flynn.

I'm not too clear on what else is in the works. Jericho vs. Saturn again? 
Steiner vs. Goldberg? Nash vs. Mysterio? I guess we know all the players, 
WCW just hasn't solidified the card yet.

What the hell is Hogan doing to the NWO? What is the point of stirring up 
the emotions like they've done? Do they want to dump Vincent? Stevie Ray? 
Why not just dump them, then? Could this latest bit be some kind of 
elaborate plan by which the Wolfpac is trying to oust Hogan, by turning 
Stevie against Vincent, thus starting the break-up of the NWO (and 
weakening Hogan's power base)? Am I wasting my time by asking all these 
questions?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

WWF RAW is WAR:
Live/Taped: Live.
Length: Two Hours+.
Location: Cleveland, Ohio.
WWF RAW Hosted By: Michael Cole and Jerry "The King" Lawler.

 - Undertaker. Vince McMahon. Flaming Teddy Bear. Oh, the Humanity!

 - McMahon leads the Corporation to the ring. He tries to start his promo,
   but he's drowned out by the "ass-hole!" chant from the crowd. He talks
   about the Undertaker and how what he did last week really unnerved him.
   McMahon tells us what a caring person he is, but that we're all a bunch
   of "amoebas" and wouldn't understand that. He then turns his attention
   to Kane. Kane failed him last week, so McMahon gives him the heave-ho.
   "You're FIRED! Get the Hell out!" Waiting for Kane is a squad of
   straightjacket-wielding mental asylum attendants. Kane wades into them
   like a bowling bowl knocking over pins, and we're all surprised to see
   Chyna join him! It seems Kane saved Chyna from a Triple H beat-down on
   Heat, so she's returning the favor. Chyna grabs a mic, tells McMahon
   that he's making a mistake, and that she can control him. She asks that
   he be given a second chance, and he'll prove himself by beating "Stone
   Cold" Steve Austin later tonight! McMahon agrees, but adds that if he
   loses to Austin, not only will he be fired, so will Chyna!

   Out comes Mankind, who just happened to be listening to all this and
   perhaps suspected that the services of a referee would be required
   (*snort*). Mankind offers to referee the match, as part of his campaign
   to get WWF Commissioner Shawn Michaels to name him as the second referee
   in the WrestleMania main event. McMahon says he can ref the match, but
   only if he wrestles and beats the Undertaker later tonight! Mankind
   accepts. (This was, by the way, the arena where Mankind beat the
   Undertaker in the infamously bad "Boiler Room Match" at SummerSlam a few
   years back.)

   The lights then go out, and the Undertaker's voice throws in his two
   cents worth.

   The announcers hype tonight's show. Cut to the back, where Ryan Shamrock
   is coming out of someone's dressing room. Inside Edition would count
   this as "sexual activity".

 - During the beak Austin arrived at the arena. Referee Earl Hebner broke
   the news to him about his match against Kane.

 - VAL VENIS vs. KEN SHAMROCK vs. GOLDUST (w/ the Blue Meanie)
   Since we missed Heat we didn't get to see the interview where Goldust
   revealed his "special relationship" with the Blue Meanie. *Barrrfff!*
   Billy Gunn has pneumonia or something like that, so a doctor (in footage
   taped earlier in the day), says Gunn can't wrestle. Ryan Shamrock comes
   out almost immediately. Ken Shamrock and Goldust cooperate in beating on
   Val until a dispute arises over who should get the pin cover attempt.
   Those two start to go at it. Goldust winds up outside the arena, in the
   arms of Ryan, and gives her a big kiss. Shamrock chases Goldust off
   through the crowd, giving Val the win via countout. Billy Gunn runs out
   and attacks Val after the match. If I had to guess, I'd say we're in
   store for a Shamrock/Goldust feud, while Val and Gunn will settle their
   score at WrestleMania.

   We see the back of Jim Ross' head as he has a talk with Mankind and Al
   Snow.

 - When did Mankind get a Chef Boyardee ad?

 - Here comes good old Jim Ross, still showing signs of his recent relapse
   of Bell's Palsy (the right side of his face is paralyzed). Ross takes
   the mic and introduces Bart Gunn, who will be facing boxing oddity
   Butterbean at WrestleMania. Ross asks Bart if he can knock out
   Butterbean like he did his competitors in last year's Brawl For All
   tournament. Bart says that's what he's training to do. Ross then goes
   off on an odd tangent and asks Bart if he's having a hard time looking
   him in the face? Bart, who has been avoiding Ross' admittedly disturbing
   visage, looks at his feet. Ross goes on, saying that after his mother
   died last December, and the Bell's Palsy came back, that he was looking
   forward to returning to work. He was ready to return at the Royal
   Rumble, says Ross, and the WWF even flew Jim and his family in for the
   PPV, but that on the night before the show they old him that people
   wouldn't like to see him the way he is. Ross says he had to tell his
   wife that he wasn't getting his job back, and asks Bart how he thinks
   that made him feel? Bart says he feels sorry for Ross, but asks what
   that has to do with him? J.R. says it has everything to do with him. He
   asks him about "Dr. Death" Steve Williams, who Bart knocked out of the
   Brawl For All when a stiff punch knocked Williams to the canvas.
   Williams suffered a torn ligament and was sidelined for months. Ross
   mentions Bart "getting heat" for knocking Ross' "boy" out of the
   tournament. He brings up Bart bragging to everyone backstage about
   "humiliating" J.R. "Look at me when I'm talking to you. Show me some
   damn respect!" Ross says he's never done this before, but--wham, he
   slaps Bart across the cheek! Bart asks him what the hell he's thinking
   and back him into the corner. Here comes "Dr. Death", who takes Bart up
   and over with a belly-to-back suplex, dumping him on his neck. Williams
   lays in the boots as Ross yells "stomp his ass!" Lawler and Cole are
   stunned, and the fans make some noncommittal noise, not really sure what
   to make of all this either. Ross and Williams leave together.

   Wow. I'm really not sure what to think of all this. On the one hand I'm
   glad to see Ross back, but on the other I feel uneasy watching him in
   his current condition. Is this an alternative until he returns to
   microphone duty? It's all the more unnerving given that this angle
   incorporates about a half dozen "real life" incidents and circumstances
   which lend this a very shoot-ish aspect. The Brawl For All, Gunn
   knocking out and injuring Williams, the backstage Heat between Gunn and
   Ross, Ross' Bell's Palsy and his mother dying, his recovery and
   return--these have all been melded together to create an angle which no
   one anywhere saw coming. What is my reaction, as a fan, supposed to be?
   Am I supposed to root on these two Okies as they go after a young punk
   who made fools of them, or is this to be treated as a standard "heel
   turn", and Ross is the bad guy here? Ross' real life battle with Bell's
   Palsy adds a whole texture to this that makes it uncomfortable for the
   viewer, yet I'm sure that that's exactly the intention here. Are enough
   real life emotions being unleashed here so that what we see in the ring
   is almost indistinguishable from reality? This is a damn compelling
   situation, and I for one have no idea where it will go next.

   Back to the show, Debra McMichael is in the back somewhere giving us a
   gander at her legs.

 - D-Lo Brown and Ivory are in the back planning strategy.

 - Jeff Jarrett, Owen Hart and Debra come out. Owen says he's no nugget
   (which is confirmed by his new "anti-nugget" shirt). Jarrett takes over
   and says they've beaten everyone in the WWF. He challenges any team to
   come out and face them. Debra adds that she will take off her tiny red
   satin robe if someone can beat her men. So out comes ...

   JEFF JARRETT/OWEN HART (w/ Debra) vs. TRIPLE H/X-PAC
   Lawler is rooting for D-X. They're really taking it to the champs, and
   there's a weird vibe in the air which suggests that the titles may
   actually change hands. Debra then hops up on the apron to distract the
   ref. X-Pac nails Jarrett with the X-Factor, but there's no ref to count
   the pin. Owen comes in and knocks X-Pac into the ref, knocking Debra to
   the floor. X-Pac goes out to check on her, only to be blindsided by
   Shane McMahon, who slams X-Pac into the steps! In the ring, meanwhile,
   Triple H has Jarrett set up for the Pedigree. Owen Hart stops that with
   a spinning heel kick. As we see Ivory makes her way to the ring, Jarrett
   and Hart are DQ'ed for the doubleteam on Triple H. X-Pac comes in to
   help Triple H. Jarrett and Owen back up the ramp, where they are met by
   D-Lo Brown. Ivory then catches up to Debra and pulls her robe off,
   making this THE GREATEST RAW EVER!!!

 - Jarrett tells Kevin Kelly that he's pissed off. They replay Debra's robe
   being pulled off, making this THE GREATEST REPLAY EVER!!! Debra
   challenges Ivory to a match later in the show.

 - Luna and Torrie make their way to the ring. Replay of Sable attacking
   the two last week. Luna calls Sable out. Sable comes out. Torrie then
   attacks Luna from behind. Sable powerbombs Luna, then she and Torrie lay
   in the boots. Torrie is now Sable's lackey. Like I care?

   The Rock is in the back preparing for his match.

WWF WAR ZONE Hosted By: Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler.

 - Clip of the Undertaker on "Poltergeist: The Legacy", which will air on
   the Sci-Fi Channel soon.

 - THE ROCK vs. ROAD DOGG
   The Road Dogg tells the Rock to suck it. The Rock responds by laying the
   smack-down on his rudy poo candy ass. Paul Wight comes out. The Rock
   send Road Dogg to the Smackdown Hotel, giving him his complimentary fist
   to the face and foot to the ass. Did I miss any catchphrases? Wight
   gourds the Dogg with a headbutt. The Dogg stages a brief rally, but the
   Rock puts him away with the Rock Bottom and Corporate Elbow.

   As the Dogg is laying in the ring Al Snow comes out, saying he and the
   Dogg have unfinished business. He blames the Dogg for having to do the
   "J-o-b to B-o-b on the P-P-V." He comes in with a steel chair, but the
   Dogg yanks it away from him and delivers a trio of sickening shots to
   the head. Bob Holly then runs in, but Road Dogg lays him out to. The
   Dogg says he won't interrupt the show any further, and challenges the
   two "pussies" to meet him out in the parking lot.

   Chyna tries to explain the gravity of their situation to Kane. Kane
   wonders why gravity doesn't affect her chest.

 - The Road Dogg is in the parking area ... waiting.

 - The Brood's music plays, but out come the Public Enemy instead, dressed
   as the Brood. Flyboy Rocco (no more Rock) says the Brood aren't the only
   ones who can dress like it's Halloween. Johnny Grunge says they aren't
   afraid of them. The lights then go out and when they come back up,
   Flyboy Rocco is gone. Kidnapped by the Brood?

   Bob Holly has tracked down the Road Dogg and those two are going at it.
   Hey, isn't that Flyboy Rocco walking by in the background? He spots the
   camera and ducks behind some crates. WHOOPS!

 - The fight between Holly and the Road Dogg continues.

 - STEVE BLACKMAN vs. DARREN DROZDOV
   This is a "Kendo Stick Match", in which the two beat on each other with
   kendo sticks (which look an awful lot like Singapore canes, which look a
   whole lot like those sticks which hold the newspapers in the racks at
   your local library). After about a minute of whacking each other
   Blackman accidentally hits referee Teddy Long. Long signals for the DQ.
   What was the point of this?

   Holly and the Dogg are fighting their way up two long flights of stairs,
   then through a door to the outside. Somehow Al Snow knew this was where
   they would end up, as he's their waiting for them. He nails Holly with a
   big ... thing. The three wind up brawling out into the street, and they
   have to be broken apart by a bunch of referees (as cars whiz by).

 - Video package featuring friends of Shane McMahon explaining how tough
   the streets of Greenwich, Connecticut are. Imagine any interview you've
   ever seen of a young, hungry fighter talking about growing up on the
   mean streets of Brooklyn, Chicago or Oakland. Now substitutes the usual
   images of poverty and depression with expensive cars, poodle dogs and
   pasty young guys sipping cappuchino. This was a real hoot.

 - During the break, Johnny Grunge discovered Flyboy Rocco strung up from a
   large metal framework, dripping with blood. I guess the Brood attacked
   him after his leisurely stroll through the back. Hah!

 - Vince McMahon comes out to join the announcers. He promises a surprise
   for the Undertaker, then announces that he (Undertaker) will face the
   Big Bossman at WrestleMania in a "Hell in the Cell" match. Cole asks
   what the teddy bear meant last week. McMahon refuses to answer on the
   grounds that that's personal. The Undertaker comes out to his old music
   for some reason.

 - THE UNDERTAKER vs. MANKIND
   After a few minutes of action in the ring the two spill to the
   floor, where the steel steps and a chair come into play. Mankind is
   shoved back in, just beating the ten count. The Undertaker then turns,
   smacks McMahon, shoves him onto the desk, and prepares to Tombstone him
   through it. The Bossman makes the save with the nightstick. He and
   McMahon flee through the crowd as members of the Ministry of Darkness
   appear. The Undertaker goes back in the ring to chokeslam Mankind, who
   has won via countout. Mankind will now be the second referee in the main
   event at WrestleMania.

 - McMahon and his Corporation make their escape in a big black limo.

 - DEBRA (w/ Jeff Jarrett & Owen Hart) vs. IVORY (w/ D-Lo Brown)
   The referee orders Jarrett, Hart and D-Lo to leave the ring area. About
   a minute later the match is over, having been interrupted by Jacqueline
   and Terri Runnels (PMS). Jacqueline beats on Ivory as Terri tells
   everyone you don't mess with PMS. D-Lo runs out for the save.

 - "STONE COLD" STEVE AUSTIN vs. KANE (w/ Chyna)
   The two trade fists in the corner before Austin can even get his vest
   off. Whip into the ropes and Kane bodydrops Austin to the mat.
   Clothesline by Kane. Whip to the corner turnbuckles. Austin drops to the
   mat. Kane tosses him back into the corner, kicks him in the gut, and
   whips him to the opposite corner. A charge is met by a boot from Austin.
   Austin drops down to the floor, grabs Kane by the leg, and slams it into
   the steel post. Chyna looks on. Back in the ring Austin continues to
   work on Kane's knee. Kane breaks free by guillotine chopping his leg
   across Austin's head. Austin gets up and staggers across the ring,
   falling through the ropes to the floor. Kane walks over, but is brought
   down by Austin. Austin slams Kane's leg onto the apron. He reenters the
   ring and drags Kane over to the other side, draping his leg across the
   bottom rope. He drops onto it. Kane squirms under the ropes, onto the
   apron, gets to his feet, grabs Austin's head, and drops down to the
   floor, smashing Austin's neck across the top rope. Kane with a suplex.
   Cover and two count for the Big Red Machine. Clothesline follows. Kane
   drapes Austin across the apron and lays in forearm shots to the chest.
   Austin reverses a whip and sends Kane into the steps. Chyna comes
   over and whallops Austin. Austin gets up and begins advancing on Chyna.
   Kane charges, but Austin sees him, and dumps him into the first row.
   Austin with a forearm off the ring barrier. Austin stomps on Kane as the
   fans go nuts. Austin tries a piledriver, but Kane backdrops him to the
   concrete. Kane with a choke. Kane sends Austin over the barrier back to
   ringside. The two trade blows. Austin climbs the apron and tries a
   double axehandle shot, but Kane catches him in a bear hug. By now the
   two should have been counted out (and Kane DQ'ed), but referee Earl
   Hebner is letting it all go this week. Kane drops him across the
   barricade. Chyna comes over and lays in a few stomps. Austin staggers to
   his feet, but Chyna sends him back to the deck with her patented right.
   Kane slams Austin into the steps. Some more punches and Austin is sent
   into the ring. Kane with a backbreaker. Kane covers for two. Whip into
   the ropes and Austin reverses it, catching Kane in a sleeperhold. Kane
   backs Austin into the corner (more punishment to the back). Austin tries
   a bodyslam, but his back gives out and he collapses with Kane atop him.
   Kane get the two count. Kane cinches in a bear hug, working on Austin's
   bad back. (Holy cow ... ring psychology! And a rest hold to boot.) The
   referee checks for the submission or unconsciousness. Austin starts to
   grind on Kane's mask, then lays in a fist, breaking the bear hug. More
   fists from Austin. Kane shoves him in the ropes (taking out the ref),
   then bends over to backdrop him. Austin, having seen that before, grabs
   the ropes and kicks Kane. Chyna is up on the apron. Kane tries a
   Tombstone, but Austin escapes it by going over the back, then shoves
   Kane into Chyna, knocking her to the floor. Austin with a kick to the
   gut and the Stone Cold Stunner. Hebner, who is just coming to, is slow
   in coming over. One ... two ... Chyna grabs Austin's boot and pulls him
   off. Austin grabs Chyna by the hair, but is himself grabbed by Kane and
   dumped with a side suplex. Both men are out, as Hebner starts to count.

   Paul Wight Saunters towards the ring area.

   Kane sits up. To the top he climbs, and catches Austin with a shot as he
   makes it to his feet. 1 ... 2 ... Austin kicks out. Kane tosses him into
   the corner and wails away on him. The ref gets in Kane's face, so Kane
   stares him into retreat. Turning, he meets a low kick from Austin. Now
   it's Austin's turn to work over Kane, and like Kane, he too makes the
   mistake of arguing with the ref. Kane slugs Austin. Whip to the ropes.
   Austin ducks ... Lou Thesz Press! Austin with several closed fists. As
   Austin is catching his breath, Paul Wight slides a chair into the ring.
   Kane is still out, so Austin scoops it up instead and uses it on Kane
   once he's gotten back to his feet. Chyna comes in, but Austin chases her
   off with the chair. He then turns to Wight, challenging him to come into
   the ring. This allows Chyna to come back in and catch Austin with a low
   blow. Kane comes to as the ref gets Chyna out of the ring. Kane holds
   Austin up. Wight enters and delivers a monster kick. Austin ducks, and
   Kane takes the kick! Austin flips Wight off and heads up the ramp as his
   music plays.

   I'm assuming that Kane won via DQ, since if Austin had received the
   kick, he'd have been the one to get the DQ win. Kane was the one who was
   interfered against, so he gets the DQ win. Right? Either that, or the
   ref just threw it out, meaning Kane and Chyna's fate in the Corporation
   is left up in the air until next week. Wimpy finish aside, this was a
   pretty good match.

 - Next week: Nothing announced.

Comments:

Even though the climax was a bit muddled, it's still one of those shows 
where the fans go home happy, having seen Austin "come out on top". Throw 
in a clean win for the Rock (more or less), and the totally unexpected Ross 
"heel turn", and you had an okay show. If the WWF would just invest a few 
more minutes in some of the matches, such as the Tag Title match, and the 
Triple Threat match, and some more clean finishes, and it would be hard to 
complain at all about the average RAW.

I'm still chuckling over the Public Enemy blunder.

For those who didn't see it (which includes most everybody), the WWF will 
be showing extensive footage from Sunday Night Heat on this coming 
Saturday's Live Wire.

Here's WrestleMania thus far:

 * Austin vs. the Rock. WWF Championship match.
 * Undertaker vs. the Big Bossman. "Hell in the Cell" match.
 * Shane McMahon vs. X-Pac. European Title match.

I think that's all that's been officially announced. We can also look to 
Sable vs. Luna, Debra vs. Ivory, Val Venis vs. Billy Gunn for the IC Title, 
Shamrock vs. Goldust, Jeff Jarrett or Owen Hart vs. D-Lo Brown, Droz vs. 
Steve Blackman, Al Snow vs. Road Dogg, Triple H vs. Kane, and the Public 
Enemy vs. the Brood. I can't see all these matches making the PPV, so some 
of these will be weeded out, with other being pushed, in the three more 
installments of RAW leading up to then.

It was announced that the WWF will be doing a "WrestleMania Rage Party" 
which will be aired on the USA Network the night before the PPV. Probably 
the closest we'll ever get to seeing the Slammys again. In attendance will 
be rapper Big Punisher. Does it make me a real nerd if I have no idea who 
he is? I guess I need to watch more MTV.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Bottom Line:

If you don't like vulgar language, you should probably stop reading right 
now. I mean it.

I saw the story Inside Edition did on the WWF. Clearly it's in vogue to 
trash wrestling right now, and Inside Edition did it with such a zeal as to 
come off completely disgusting and sanctimonious. There was no attempt made 
to be fair or balanced, nor were they simply providing a "public service" 
to parents by "informing them what their children are watching". The piece 
was riddled with errors, dated information, and information presented that 
was taken wildly out of context and blown completely out of proportion. 
Vince McMahon was interviewed and it was clear that he rubbed the 
interviewer the wrong way, which probably contributed to the venom with 
which the story was ultimately reported. McMahon, for his part, stayed true 
to his current WWF character and came off looking like a total ass--which 
was unfortunate because he made a number of valid points (which were 
usually ignored or played down by the "reporter"). I had to laugh out loud 
when they started their report with the disclaimer that they would be 
showing material that was "highly offensive", and was the type of stuff 
they would never show normally.

What a load of horseshit. This from the show that's spent the better part 
of the last decade talking about Amy Fisher screwing Joey Buttafuocco, John 
Wayne Bobbitt's severed penis, Michael Jackson's genitals, the O.J. Simpson 
murder trial, Frank Gifford cheating on Kathie Lee, and Monica Lewinsky 
blowing the President. How convenient for them to paint the WWF with the 
same brush they use with the much worse sleaze and filth they usually cover 
(under the guise of "legitimate journalism", no less).

Backing up Inside Edition was the scientific study they commissioned which 
counted the number of times violent acts took place, how many times 
"Satanism" was referred to, how many "sexual acts" took place, how many 
obscene gestures were made, and so on. Far be it from me to dispute any of 
their data, but I would point out what were some fairly bogus definitions 
in this study. Apparently any time two people kissed, that was considered a 
"sexual act" or "simulated sex". If Val Venis was wearing a towel, that was 
"sexual activity". In the interview with McMahon the reporter, when pressed 
to name one specific instance of "sexual activity", he instead pointed to 
the WWF's Super Bowl commercial (which had absolutely nothing to do with 
the University study).

A big deal was made about references to "Satanism", although there was 
never one specific instance where the words "Satan", "Satanic" or 
"Satanism" were actually used on the show. I guess if something looks 
"evil", it's "Satanic"? The report's biggest beef was about the number of 
times wrestlers pointed to their crotch, or the words "suck it" were said. 
This was held up as proof positive of how morally corrupt the WWF is. 
Yeah ... whatever. Like I said, though, I'm not going to quibble because I 
don't dispute the factual data that was accumulated, I just take issue with 
some of the conclusions they interpret from it. So did Vince McMahon.

The second part of the Inside Edition story, which ran the next night, 
dealt with what wrestlers are like behind the scenes. I skipped it. 
Apparently it showed them drinking and swearing and hanging out with 
groupies and such. Gasp! ... like real people do?!

Anyone who really wants to know what McMahon said in his interview should 
check out the WWF's website. They have video of the ENTIRE interview, 
presented in two parts, which ran some forty-plus minutes--about five 
minutes of which was actually used in the Inside Edition story. (I should 
note that the majority this "editorial" that you're reading was written by 
myself before I watched the McMahon interview. Imagine my surprise to learn 
that many of the points I will be addressing and commenting on below were 
addressed by McMahon, and quite often my opinions matched his. I'm not sure 
if that says anything, other than that I "Get It!", and that it'll probably 
earn me a ton of hate mail from people who will dismiss what I have to say 
because I'm just a WWF "cheerleader" or something. All I can say to that is 
... suck it.)

Let's be a bit honest here: this whole fuss isn't about the issue of 
violence, because wrestling has always been violent. Being "less" or "more" 
violent doesn't change the fact that wrestling is inherently a poor viewing 
subject for children. You can't penalize the WWF for being "too violent" 
when the reality is that ALL wrestling has ALWAYS been "too violent". I 
just don't understand how it's okay to punch a guy in the face, but not 
okay to hit him with a nightstick. I would hope that whether it's the Rock 
hitting Mankind with a chair, the Red Ranger kicking a lizard guy in the 
face, or Duke Nukem splattering the mutant's brains out, that the parents 
of the world out there are making it clear to their children that none of 
this is real--no matter how real it looks.

It isn't about the sex because I don't care how much you keep emphasizing 
that wrestling is a lure to children and that they target them and all 
that, the WWF isn't doing anything that's nearly as bad (much less worse) 
than most of what else is available on TV at that time of the night. So the 
WWF offers some content of a sexual nature that may be inappropriate for 
children. Big deal. Get over it. Tell your kids not to watch and move on. 
Piss and moan all you want, the WWF isn't doing anything wrong. Yes, they 
sell merchandise targeted at children and yes, children make up a noticable 
chunk of their audience. That doesn't mean that the WWF in general, and RAW 
specifically, is "children's programming". They are not being immoral or 
reckless or another other damn thing by delivering a product which is 
designed to appeal to adults. So children find it appealing too. Is that 
the WWF's fault? Stop and think for a minute: you're essentially blaming 
the WWF for being TOO appealing to children. How exactly would you suggest 
they fix that? I've seen a lot of complaining lately, but nobody has 
suggested any remedies for it. What, the WWF should "clean up its act"? 
Hey, if you can come up with a way to do that which would satisfy 
everyone's complaints, and didn't cause the WWF to lose any business, I'm 
sure they'd jump at the chance to implement it.

Mostly what this boils down to, though, is the influence the WWF is having 
on children. "It's making them act violently," say the critics (most of 
whom seem to live in Winnipeg). "And they're acting rude by pointing to 
their crotches and yelling 'suck it!'" Rather than think up a way to 
address this problem, come up with a solution which works to everyone's 
benefit, these critics have chosen the easy solution: get rid of them. Ban 
them from TV. Drive the WWF out of business.

This isn't simply a matter of the WWF doing something that can be shut off 
like a switch with no adverse affects to them. The WWF has achieved new 
heights of popularity, prosperity and profitability because of what they 
define with their one word advertising slogan: Attitude. It is also, 
unfortunately for all those parents out there, this same "Attitude" which 
has now attracted their children. The WWF did not set out to be a morally 
corrupting influence to children. They did not set out to subvert the 
balance of society by "sneaking" sexual or Satanic subject matter before 
the impressionable minds of children. And believe it or not, they're not 
out to hurt anyone. That's what the Phil Mushnick's of the world fail to 
realize.

All the WWF wants to do is make money. To do that, they need a product and 
a market to appeal to. The product that sold so well in the 80's stopped 
selling in the 90's. They tried this, that and the other until they 
discovered that what they now call "Attitude" not only appealed to the 
audience that was already there, but also drew in a completely new 
audience. And it's the audience they have now, and the tastes of the 
audience they have yet to lure in the future, that dictates what the WWF 
will do from here on out. When the WWF does something that their critics 
label "offensive" they aren't doing so to corrupt anyone. They just want 
your money, and they don't care if you're eight or eighty--if you're 
willing to shell it out, the WWF is more than willing to accept it.

And when the time comes that the audience says that's not what they want 
any more, or that what the WWF is doing is no longer acceptable, then the 
WWF will change. It's that simple.

The only "victim" in all this is the WWF itself. They're a victim of their 
own success. If what they were doing wasn't working, and nobody was 
watching on Monday nights, then nobody would be complaining. (Of course if 
what they did wasn't working then they would have stopped doing it by now.) 
What they are doing IS working, though, and a lot of kids happen to be 
tuning in along with everyone else. Because of this the WWF's critics, 
such as the Winnipeg school board and Inside Edition, want to see the WWF 
punished for their success. They're holding the WWF to impossibly high and 
patently unfair standards. They would like to see the WWF make changes to 
the way it presents itself which would affect its profitability far beyond 
that which is impacted by children. Remove the WWF's "edge" and it's not 
the kids who will stop watching, it's the teenagers, college students and 
adults. The kids may stop saying "suck it!", but they're still going to 
watch, and act out in a violent manner. That's how children react to such 
stimulus, whether it be pro football, a cartoon or any other television 
show. They imitate what they see.

That's where responsibility becomes an issue. Everything on TV holds a 
level of responsibility to children to a certain extent. As of now the WWF 
has done everything that's required of them, and a bit beyond, to meet 
those requirements. They've provided warning labels. RAW airs in the latter 
two hours of prime time. The other WWF shows edit out certain content 
deemed "unfit" for children. They've repeatedly made it clear that RAW 
isn't meant for children. The show's ratings currently suggest it not be 
watched by anyone under the age of 14. They've also adopted the position 
that the WWF is more than just their Monday night show on USA, and that 
while RAW may not be fit for children, it's other shows such as Live Wire 
are. The WWF as a whole may still be "family entertainment", but RAW isn't. 
Is that so hard a concept to grasp?

Apparently yes.

I must admit the Inside Edition report angered me, but that anger has 
passed. What annoys me now is this bogus misconception that this somehow 
represents "mainstream media scrutiny". Certainly there has been some 
legitimate mainstream press from this because Inside Edition released their 
university study and it's findings to the newswires. Newspapers and radio 
shows across the country picked up on it. THAT is "mainstream media 
scrutiny". The Inside Edition piece, on the other hand, was not. THAT was 
tabloid TV, and like most other tabloid TV it doesn't amount to a hill of 
crap.

Will this lead to something else--something bigger and more damaging to the 
WWF? Perhaps, but I seriously doubt it. As I said above the WWF isn't doing 
anything wrong. They've broken no laws, nor have they violated any federal 
television guidelines. They are, like it or not, currently the highest 
rated weekly show on what is often the highest rated cable television 
network. They are the crowning jewel of a network whose entire operating 
philosophy is one of "give the public what they want". Sit down and watch 
the USA Network for a week and see how well the WWF fits into their 
programming scheme. USA is a network which will show a movie like "The Best 
Little Whorehouse In Texas" at 10:00 AM in the morning. They show movies 
like "Basic Instinct" and "Fatal Attraction" regularly on weeknights in 
prime time. They show movies after hours and on weekends which, were they 
not edited for content, could only be shown on pay channels such as HBO and 
Cinemax. USA is a network whose own slate of original shows, such as "Silk 
Stalkings", "Pacific Blue" and "La Femme Nikita", contain sexual content 
which makes RAW seem tame by comparison.

But kids don't watch those shows, right, so the WWF is different? Not as 
far as the USA Network is concerned. The majority of RAW's viewers are 
within the demographic that they as a network are specifically targeting. 
Kids will watch virtually anything and everything that appears on TV. There 
are children watching Jerry Springer in the afternoon, Dateline NBC at 
night and the Spice Channel at 3:00 AM. It's all a matter of percentages, 
and the WWF, because of what they are, has a larger percentage of child 
viewers than all these things. The question then becomes is it profitable 
to market themselves to those children, and is it right? Certainly it is 
profitable, but is it right? The WWF thinks so, which again goes to the 
notion of them being a broader based entity than anything else out there. 
If all the WWF was was a smutty two hour show on Monday nights, then maybe 
that wouldn't be right. But the WWF is more than that. They're RAW, Live 
Wire, Superstars, Shotgun Saturday Night, PPV and live events. Amidst all 
that there is, the WWF feels, a place for parents, who have already decided 
pro wrestling is suitable subject matter for their children, a place where 
they fit in. It's up the parents, not the WWF, to decide where that place 
is. When these various things are presented, and the TV ratings they carry, 
is what the WWF has done to meet their obligation and responsibility. But 
as far as their content goes, specifically on Monday nights, the WWF is 
programming for that majority that is over the age of 14.

It's going to take a whole hell of a lot more than the Winnipeg school 
board or the "Morality in Media" watchdogs to get USA to drop the WWF. 
Trust me, if things ever reach some kind of point where the uproar became 
so great that USA would even begin to think of such things, changes WILL be 
made in the WWF. Either at the network's request, or by the WWF's own 
initiative, they will do whatever it takes to quiet such a (hypothetical) 
overwhelming roar of negative public opinion. USA isn't just going to drop 
the highest rated show on all of cable TV without at least saying "hey, 
let's try addressing some of these problems and try a different approach." 
Neither would the WWF let it get that far without some kind of change.

But we're not there yet, and we're not even remotely close. As long as the 
ratings remain high, and the overwhelming majority of the public approves 
of and is entertained by what the WWF does, things will pretty much remain 
as they are. So if you're worried about the future of the WWF, and are 
afraid that the government is going to "shut them down" or USA is going to 
drop them--don't be. It ain't happening any time in the forseeable future. 
And if the tides of public opinion change then the WWF will change with 
them. If they don't then they deserve whatever ill befalls them. But the 
odds are that they will, as that is what they've always done as long as 
Vince McMahon has been running the show. They may be a bit slow at times in 
following the trends, but follow the trends they inevitably do.

Now, if you personally don't care for the direction the WWF has taken ... 
tough. Get over it and watch something else. If you don't like the WWF now 
then just so say. Don't wrap yourself up in this bogus "it's bad for the 
children" argument. Not liking the WWF and them being bad for children are 
two entirely separate issues. Don't try to justify the one with the other. 
There are too many critics of the WWF out there (like Dave Meltzer and Herb 
Kunze) who, not content to let their dislike of the WWF speak for itself, 
must justify their position by continually pointing out all this crap that 
is damaging to the WWF. It's not enough that they don't like the WWF, they 
have to somehow prove the WWF is "bad", thus validating their own dislike. 
Even worse, they claim to point out these things because they are "afraid" 
these things will cause the ruination of wrestling in general, and the WWF 
in particular. Yeah, like they're really concerned about the welfare of 
Vince McMahon and the WWF. Admit it guys: you dislike the WWF, and take 
these shots at them because you enjoy it. Meltzer is the worst offender, 
seizing every opportunity he can to get into print or in front of a camera 
and remind us all of what a scumbag Vince McMahon "really" is. Well hey, 
McMahon may be the sleaziest son-of-a-bitch in the world in real life, but 
what does that have to do with how entertaining the WWF is?

Anyway, I've said my piece this week, and pretty much said all I need to 
about this continuing WWF "controversy" nonsense. Either you like them or 
you don't, and it's up to you whether you're going to watch or not. I like 
the WWF, and while I don't much care about WCW and complain about them a 
lot, at least I don't make up stuff about them, or go out of my way to 
report bad things about them just to back up my dislike of them. I dislike 
WCW because of the talent they've decided to showcase, the way they present 
their TV programs, and the quality of their booking. I don't dislike them 
because Buff Bagwell is a steroid fiend or Scott Hall is a drunk or they 
were sued by Bobby Walker or any other irrelevant bit of garbage. What they 
show on TV and do in the ring shapes my opinion of them, not what happens 
to WCW out in the real world. I may hate what Kevin Nash has done as a 
booker, but I don't dislike the guy personally. I don't dislike anyone in 
WCW personally.

Except for Eric Bischoff. Now that guy, he's a real dickweed.

That was a joke. Lighten up.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Slobberknocker Central" and "Monday Night Recap" are copyright 1999 by 
John Petrie, and all opinions expressed therein are his own, and not those 
of "Internet Access, Inc". Check the "Slobberknocker Central" main page for 
info on how to receive the "Recap" free via E-Mail every week.

Volume One, Number 172 of the "Monday Night Recap", March 1st, 1999.