Slobberknocker Central Monday Night Recap #168 February 1st, 1999 The Opening Word: Halftime Heat. Did no one like this match other than me? I thought it was funny, brutal, showcased what the Rock and Mankind as "characters" are all about, and was simply very entertaining. "Not good enough!" cry the formerly loyal WWF fans on the Internet. "It wasn't the greatest title match ever!" (Who said it was supposed to be?) "It was taped!" (So what?) "It was silly!" (Again, so what?) "The camera shot of the Rock being pinned ruined it!" (What, you're all TV directors now?) All this match was SUPPOSED to be was a 15 minute diversion from the Super Bowl, intended to showcase what the "new" WWF is all about. That's what the WWF promised, and it's what they delivered in spades. Unfortunately the louder fans on the Internet, apparently content to watch the same crap they've seen over the last 20 years, don't like what the WWF is becoming. So they've pulled out their knives and are carving the WWF up over it. Not simply content to express their own dislike over the match, they gloom and doom and tie it into a larger prediction over what it's doing to "ruin" the wrestling business overall. "It's the steroid scandal all over again!" they proclaim. "Vince has a big head and his 'Get it?' campaign is going to bring the business down in ruin!" Well, if "saving" the wrestling business means going back to "good guys" versus "bad guys" in boring, 15 minute matches, I say let the business crumble. I've always said I'm a bit different than the usual wrestling fan. I like the story elements, usually the wilder the better, more than the matches that take place. You have to have both obviously, to completely tell the story, but on a week-to-week basis I'll take an interesting storyline over a well wrestled match with no underlying story. A "three star" match capping off a great storyline means more to me than a "five star" match involving two wrestlers I care nothing about, or have no issue to resolve between them. And no, I'm not saying "wrestling matches be damned!" or anything like that. I'm not saying "all angles are great." There's good and bad to everything. Judging what angles and matches I thought were good or bad is pretty much what this whole Recap is about. What I am saying is if the storylines are there, and they're good, I can forego a lot of wrestling "action". And no, I'm not abandoning any future assessment to say that either. If the WWF went two or three weeks without showing any matches, hey, guess what: I'd be pissed! But they're not doing that, and in all this talk about their new "direction" they haven't totally forgotten that either. They usually have one good match per week, and when they haven't, they've always (as far as I can recall) picked up the slack the following week. I'm entertained by the "non-wrestling" aspects of the show, and when the good matches do come along I treasure them even more. I quit watching wrestling--both WCW and the WWF--from 1992 to 1994. Wrestling then just wasn't very funny. There weren't many interesting characters or gimmicks. The angles and storylines lacked originality. Decent matches (involving the abovementioned characters and storylines) were few and far between. The WWF had a terrible slew of characters and ridiculous storylines, while fielding a roster of athletes who, as Bruno Sammartino might say, wouldn't know a wristlock from a wristwatch. Things were worse in WCW, where they tried to pass off Ron Simmons as a World Champion, had midgets blowing up boats, and tried to convince me that guys like "P.N. News" were quality wrestlers. Remember Paul Roma as a Horseman? Remember Erik Watts? Remember Chucky?! (Oh wait, that was last year.) Take away the good interviews, characters, storylines and feuds, and all you have in wrestling is two guys feeling each other up. If that's what people want wrestling to go back to, I'll find something else to do on my Monday nights. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WCW Monday Nitro: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Three Hours+. Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota. HOUR ONE Hosted By: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay and Larry Zbyszko. - Taped earlier, Curt Hennig and Barry Windham pull up in the parking garage. Hennig gripes about Scott Hall and Kevin Nash dumping him from the Wolfpac (or NWO or whatever). They are now a tag team, and will take part of that tag team tournament. You know, the one that started two weeks ago. The one with no rules. The one that's now a "double elimination" tournament because every team in it has lost once. - In another taped segment, Scott Steiner comes out to harass Kimberly during a Nitro Girls practice session. The blond one, down on her hands and knee, scoots over so she can be behind Kimberly. Kimberly, trying to pull away from Steiner, "falls" over the blonde. Eh-yeah. Kimberly will now go get a facelift or boob-job or something. - "Mean" Gene Okerlund interviews Konan and Rey Mysterio, Jr. Konan runs through his catchphrases. Mysterio gripes about the "personal issue" between he and Lex Luger. Konan proves he's still the worst racially stereotyped character in all of pro wrestling (yes, worse even than the Godfather) by spouting off a bunch of gang related slang. If the caucasian fans had any idea what he was really saying most of the time they'd probably be highly offended (especially the parents out there, who have supposedly chosen WCW over the WWF because it's "safer"). Mysterio proposes a "Hair vs. Mask" match between he and Luger. Konan makes a crack about the Wolfpac that, I believe, infers anal sex. - The NWO has arrived at the Minneapolis airport. Vincent tells the other B-Team'ers that there are no cars available for them. Stevie Ray then notices a limo driver waiting for them (holding a sign), and attributes their good fortune to the talk he had with the Wolfpac last week. Outside they head and pile into the limo. Vincent gets left behind, though, for "dropping the ball". Vince pulls out his cell phone, hits speed dial, and four seconds later the Wolfpac limo pulls up. How much longer are they going to make us wait for them to kick Stevie Ray's ass off the team? Lucky for us that there were two separate camera crews there to film all this, otherwise we'd have missed it. How thoughtful of WCW to send the crew there to meet them, on the off chance that they would deliver such helpful, expository dialogue. (Or maybe the NWO brought the crew with them, and instructed them to send out a live feed, so that we could all see their embarrassing, revealing, damaging squabbling.) I am, of course, being a dick right now. - Nitro Girls. - Ric Flair leads Eric Bischoff outside the Target Center to a dunking booth he had set up. With Kimberly injured, and based on rumors floating over the weekend, I'd expected to see Bischoff have to fill in as a Nitro Girl. THAT would have been funny. Instead they have Bischoff go out and get dunked into a tank of water. Whatever. WCW employees come out to throw the baseballs which will send Bischoff into the water. In Minnesota. In the middle of winter. Why not just have him crash a snowmobile into a tree? That's always good for a chuckle. - Clips from last week. Did any of the WRESTLERS show up tonight? - CURT HENNIG/BARRY WINDHAM vs. CHRIS BENOIT/DEAN MALENKO God knows I love Chris Benoit, but that's when he actually DOES something (and, WCW DOES something with him). There's a notable Benoit cheerleader on the 'Net who, if Benoit just walks to the ring, he has an orgasm. I decided to watch this match and be wowed by the greatness that is Benoit. Benoit has a staredown with Windham! God, he's tremendous! Lock-up with Hennig. Ohh ... he's in a headlock! Lord he's amazing. Drop toehold, couple kicks, he's the greatest wrestler that has ever lived! Poke to the eyes by Hennig. Kick, kick, chop, chop, punch, tag to Malenko, COMMERCIAL, yawn. Let me jump to the end: Windham has Malenko down in the center of the ring. Benoit comes off the top with a headbutt that completely misses. However, the shockwave from Benoit's passing head knocks out Windham, as well as Benoit. Hennig comes in, applies the Hennig-Plex, and pins Benoit. The fans are pissed. So am I. Not a bad match, mind you, but not great by any stretch of the imagination. Disgraced WCW referee Scott Dickinson is in the crowd. How stupid is he to have flown from his home to Dallas last week, then Minnesota this week, just to sulk? How stupid is WCW to make us think we'd be interested in this? How stupid am I to have wasted four sentences on this angle? J.J. Dillon is outside throwing balls at the target mechanism which will dump Bischoff into the water tank. All of the balls miss, so Bischoff scoots forward on the board, which makes it tilt, and he falls in the water. The two NWO limos pull up (they'd really have had to haul ass to have made it from the airport this quickly). Stevie Ray starts to explain how Vincent dropped the ball and got left behind. Vincent then pops up, puzzling the hell out of Stevie. Nash reveals that "Hollywood" Hogan isn't there tonight, which isn't much of a surprise because he rarely comes to Minnesota any more. (Probably haunted by his failure to beat Nick Bockwinkel for the AWA Title.) - Stevie Ray is complaining to the other NWO members that their dressing room will suck. Upon entering they are surprised by several waiting Hennepin Avenue prostitutes. Clearly the Wolfpac is looking out for their NWO comrades, despite the protestations of Stevie Ray. - Clip of Hogan whipping the hell out of Benoit last week. Did Chris piss somebody off? - "Mean" Gene interviews Ric Flair. This is Minneapolis, Flair's hometown, so I guess he doesn't actually have to DO anything tonight. Flair says Hogan isn't here tonight because his jet broke down. He points out how the NWO and Wolfpac are at odds, which makes WCW all that much stronger. (In theory, I suppose.) Flair talks a bunch of smack about Hogan which would be a shoot if it weren't all scripted. He then rattles off the names of past legends and goes into "Crazy Old Man" mode. Almost as an afterthought he announces that Bret Hart will defend the U.S. Title against Chris Benoit at SuperBrawl. Half the Internet fans got a hard-on after hearing that. (The other half ask how the hell does Benoit rate a title match?) Scott Hall and Disco Inferno come out. Hall shows no respect for either Flair or Benoit. Hall, playing to the crowd, gets a louder reaction than Flair. He badmouths Benoit (asking Flair "why, does he wash your car?") Hall calls Benoit out. Benoit comes out, threatening to introduce his boot to Hall's "brown-eye". Benoit gets a louder reaction than either Hall or Flair. Hall vs. Benoit, later tonight, winner faces Bret Hart at the PPV. RAW's starting. So long Nitro, see you tomorrow. HOUR TWO Hosted By: Schiavone, Tenay and Zbyszko. - KENNY KAOS vs. VAN HAMMER I give you the *NEW* WCW. Scott Dickinson walks out when the camera picks him up again. (He's probably leaving to watch RAW, like those million other viewers Nitro lost at this point.) James Fullington, Raven's light-hearted childhood friend and poolside buddy, walks to the ring wrapped in barbed-wire, carrying a Singapore cane. I didn't make that up. The announcers draw a total blank, having "no idea what's going down here." Moments after Van Hammer pins Kaos, he enters the ring and nails both with the cane. Fullington, who will go nameless for several weeks to come because the announcers don't recognize him and didn't pay any attention to those Raven videos and never saw any ECW uh-uh no sir, gripes about everyone stealing all his accomplishments. He runs down his list of hardcore "firsts"--most of which were probably done in Japan before he even entered the business. He calls out Bam Bam Bigelow. Commercial break. - BAM BAM BIGELOW vs. "WHO IN THE WORLD IS THIS?!!!" Why hasn't security hustled this unknown man out of the ring? Mike Tenay suspects their paths might have crossed before. I hope more fans will run into the ring so we can have more matches like this. Maybe some of them will bring guns, knives, and broken beer bottles. A referee is on hand to make sure this unknown, dangerously armed bystander adheres to the rules of World Championship Wrestling. The man hits Bigelow with the cane: a move which would cause a DQ in 99.9% of WCW's other matches. Bigelow wraps a chair around the guy's head. The ref lets it go, and the fans cheer, because they like violence (a rarity in WCW). Bigelow hits him again with the chair. "This guy" then rallies back with an ugly clothesline, followed by a bulldog onto the chair. As he unwraps the barbed-wire Schiavone warns the parents that they should use discretion in letting their kids watch. (I know there's a really mean observation in there about the WWF doing the same but getting blasted by the critics anyway ... but I'll let it slide.) The announcers are amazed either man could take such (relatively minor) punishment. The man who we aren't supposed to recognize hits his shoddy, patented-if-we-knew-who-he-was, legdrop over the top rope. Bigelow rallies back, hits a DDT, whips him into the barbed-wire, lands a headbutt of the top, and puts him away with the Greetings From Asbury Park. The man is knocked cold (shockwave again, as his head didn't come within two feet of the mat). "What a battle," says Schiavone, "what a breathtaking brawl!" Taking him at his word, that would make the WWF's Hardcore Title matches "the greatest fight ever in the history of this sport!" I can't believe the Sandman was jobbed in his debut match. Bischoff is still outside getting dunked. Apparently "hypothermia" doesn't exist in the universe which WCW occupies. A WCW employee actually hits the target, but since Bischoff wasn't paying attention, he didn't make himself fall in. The camera then cuts out (the explanation later is that the cold is to blame). - NWO promo starring Elizabeth and Lex Luger. - Nitro Girls. Schiavone promises us an update on Kimberly's condition. - Scott Dickinson, who is evil, but not evil enough to side with Bischoff, takes his turn throwing balls. After his 20th or 30th he hits the target, sending Bischoff to what should have been an icy death by now. The camera cuts out again. - Diamond Dallas Page is in the back talking to Kidman. Kidman explains what happened to Kimberly. DDP stalks off and busts his way into the Wolfpac dressing room. They act dumb (not hard) when he asks where Steiner is. After DDP leaves, Steiner walks in through another door. He claims he never touched Kimberly, then picks up a pair of her underwear, saying that's maybe what he's looking for. He hands it to someone in the other room (suggesting it's Kimberly, but we "know" it isn't, and we REALLY know it isn't). Nash tells Vincent to go out and tell DDP that Steiner will accept any match he suggests, and to slap him across the face. Vincent leaves, runs into Disco Inferno, and tells Disco to go talk to DDP. DDP hits the ring and calls out Steiner. Disco comes out and says Steiner will accept any challenge. He then slaps DDP, per Vincent's instructions. DDP lays him out with a Diamond Cutter. Back in the dressing room Nash tells Vincent that he's starting to get smart, and everyone congratulates him. DDP storms out of the ring and steals Hennig and Windham's rental car (or a facsimile thereof). - LASH LEROUX vs. KIDMAN Who? Power Plant jobber or indy circuit wonder--I have no idea. Leroux's got the moves, but zero charisma. Kidman beats him in a match I paid little attention to. I suppose this was one of those "five star" Cruiserweight matches everyone brags about. I haven't watched WCW Saturday Night in about a year, so I have no idea if this kid was supposed to have "climbed the ladder" to get this title shot or not. Bobby Heenan, missing from the announcer's booth, is outside at the dunking tank. He tells Bischoff that he has nothing against him, and that he'll give Eric the balls. Walking over to the tank he slips and hits the target, knocking Bischoff into the tank. "Hollywood" Hogan is somewhere, talking to some guy. Hogan talks about "getting it" (WWF Attitude?) The guy, Chuck Zito or something (like I'd actually know who he is if his name weren't plastered all over the Internet) talks about some guy not knowing what coming down. Could they be a bit more vague and stupid? Please? I'll sniff glue, get a labotomy, stick my dink in a light socket--whatever it takes to understand all this. - "Mean" Gene interviews Booker T. Booker slaughters the english language, all so that Bret Hart can make fun of him later. - Scott Steiner/Buff Bagwell interview. Check out any recent past Nitro--you'll get the general idea. - SCOTT STEINER (w/ Buff Bagwell) vs. CHRIS JERICHO (w/ Ralfus) Hey, Jericho's back! Hey, Steiner beats him with the Recliner! Hey, he apparently hasn't signed a new contract yet. Jericho tried to walk out of the match, but he was cut off by Saturn (still wearing a dress). Saturn tells the camera "life's a drag," pretty much confirming all our suspicions about him. - Clip of Bret Hart on "MadTV", which airs this coming Saturday. HOUR THREE Hosted By: Schiavone, Tenay and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. - One of the Nitro Girls does a sleazy pole dance behind a screen. Family entertainment? - Kevin Nash, Lex Luger and Elizabeth come out to accept Mysterio's challenge from earlier. It'll be a tag team match, with Rey's mask on the line versus Liz's hair. Obviously she ain't happy, and just as obviously we'll be seeing Rey's face come SuperBrawl. - Ernest Miller and Sonny Onoo come out, totally ruining what has up til now been a marvelous show. The announcer tells us that Miller will be known as "The Greatest of All Time" from now on. He challenges anyone to come out and fight. A "Goldberg!" chant goes unheeded. In the back the Wolfpac tells Scott Norton that Miller just called him out. - ERNEST MILLER (w/ Sonny Onoo) vs. SCOTT NORTON Why didn't some fan with barbed-wire come out of the stands? Norton takes about a half hour to beat Miller with a powerbomb. - Nitro Girls. - "Mean" Gene interviews Goldberg. Okerlund says Bill's record is "174-0", still undefeated in his eyes. Goldberg will face Bigelow at SuperBrawl. - More dunk tank (yeah, Bischoff has really been out there for 2 1/2 hours). Bischoff asks Flair where his kid is? - The Wolfpac theme plays as Michael Buffer takes his place in the ring. He announces that the winner will go to SuperBrawl to face Bret "Hitman" Clark. CLARK?!!! - SCOTT HALL vs. CHRIS BENOIT Hart sits in on color commentary. Disco Inferno tries to interfere in the match, but that backfires, and Steve "Mongo" McMichael comes out to chase him off. Mongo drags him all the way back to a room, where Arn Anderson is waiting. In the match itself Benoit does a bit more than the chops and kicks we saw from him earlier, but he also spends a lot more time getting beaten up by Hall. Kevin Nash then comes out, distracts Benoit, and Hall puts him away with the Outsider's Edge. Hall, barring any changes, will face Hart at the PPV (or should I say CLARK?!) Back to Hogan and the Mafia goon. The dialogue reveals little, but a shot of David Flair exiting his car in front of a gym in Charlotte reveals that Hogan and his pal have been shadowing Ric Flair's son, intent on kidnapping him or murdering him or something. Back at the Target Center Flair notices the footage playing on a monitor and calls the other Horsemen over. As Hogan and the thug exit the car they decide that maybe they shouldn't tape what they're going to do, so they cover the camera up. Show ends. Let's see, 10:00 PM in Minnesota, what's the time difference between there and North Carolina? Why was it bright daylight there? How did this obviously taped footage shot in Carolina end up playing on Nitro, without someone telling Flair about it? - This Thursday: Nothing announced. - Next week: Nothing announced. Comments: I've spent the last week reading online how "great" WCW has become now, and how there's nothing but good times ahead now that they've "turned things around". The funny thing is I actually agreed with some of that sentiment, having seen an improvement in some of the matches, and an effort being made to pay more attention to their storylines. I said as much, you may recall, last week. I didn't see much of that at all this week. The matches stayed long, but that didn't make them any better. Wrestlers who improved the show last week stayed on the sidelines this week. Norman Smiley disappeared (improvement), so they brought back Ernest Miller (detriment). Kevin Nash, he of the lazy bigness, decided to play it "cool" this week. Eric Bischoff, instead of being humiliated, continues to prove what a "big man" he is by taking Ric Flair's "punishments" and saying "thank you, may I have another?!". Worse is the way they're fumbling the upcoming Hogan/Flair match. Why is Hogan stalking Flair's kid? I realize it'll make Flair mad as hell, but ... isn't Flair mad as hell already?! This is just like the build to the Flair/Bischoff match. There's no incentive at all for Hogan to be in this match. Is he afraid of Flair? Will messing with his kid throw Flair off his gameplan? What *IS* Hogan's goal here? I would hope they do something to clear this up next week, but I fear we'll just get Flair coming out to say "you son-of-a-bitch" and "I'm gonna kick your ASS!" Hogan--if he even bothers to show up--will tell us how great he is. Flair's doing all the work here and, like the Bischoff match, it'll all fall flat at SuperBrawl if Flair doesn't beat Hogan and win the Title. Hogan as the champ right now is a total joke (the same joke it's been since 1994). They might just as well bring a big cardboard cut-out of him and hang the belt on it. Guys like Flair, Goldberg and Sting can then make faces at it. I said a few months back, regarding Flair and Bischoff, that "conflict" involves TWO people. Having Flair do all the work SIMPLY WILL NOT WORK. The WWF blew their chance to do an epic one-on-one match between these two. WCW did it at a time when few fans were watching. Encounters between the two since then have been fairly forgettable. They have, right now in their hands, the makings of the biggest feud of the year, and the last great feud of the 90's. Even forgetting that lofty goal they still have a very marketable match on their hands that could be decent enough to watch. WCW isn't even giving it THAT much attention, though. Just look at what they did this week: Flair was playing in the snow, while Hogan played "Godfather" in a limo. Don't blame me if I don't get worked up, WCW. You're the one telling me, in essence, "we'll do something next week instead. Maybe." Well, maybe I won't be around to watch. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WWF RAW is WAR: Live/Taped: Taped 1/26. Length: Two Hours+. Location: Tucson, Arizona. WWF RAW Hosted By: Michael Cole and Jerry "The King" Lawler. - Halftime Heat. The Rock. Mankind. New WWF Champion. - Taped earlier, Shane McMahon briefs the Corporation. Vince McMahon is in Victoria, Texas, looking for Steve Austin. He wants to provoke him into hitting him, so that Austin's current contract will be voided. Shane gives the troops some grief for not bringing Kane with them and leaving him to find his own way to the arena. Leaving the room they're in the Big Bossman has a run-in with Terri Runnels and Jacqueline. Shane leads the Corporation to the ring, then quickly dismisses them because he, unlike X-Pac, is a McMahon. A steel cage hangs above the ring. Shane explains to the crowd how his Pops is in Texas hunting Steve Austin. The cage is lowered and lo and behold X-Pac is sitting on top of it. Quick cut to the back shows that DeGeneration X is brawling with the Corporation, preventing them from coming back out. Shane talks some trash about X-Pac without realizing X-Pac is on top of the lowering cage. He sees him just as the cage drops into position, trapping him in the ring. Shane says he can take X-Pac, but stalls for a few moments before going toe-to-toe with him. Needless to say he drops quickly. X-Pac props Shane up in the corner for the Bronco Ride, but he's tripped in the opposite corner by Chyna, who has run out and slipped into the cage through the door. Those two stare, then X-Pac nails Shane with a spinning kick. Chyna gives X-Pac a low blow (she really needs to learn some new moves). She then holds him so Shane can get a few licks in. - WWF Super Bowl ad. - McMahon, Pat Patterson and Jerry Brisco appear via satellite from Texas. Vince gripes about the down-home cowboy outfits the two associates have chosen to wear. Entering a bar he asks the woman behind the bar if she's seen Steve Austin. "Reckon not," she replies. He says where he comes from people don't say "reckon", and that either she has seen him or she hasn't. Pulling a baseball bat from behind the bar she tells him she reckons he'd best leave. "What kind of people are you?" McMahon asks the assembled slack-jawed rednecks. - Ken Shamrock joins the announcers for the next match. - VAL VENIS vs. "BADD ASS" BILLY GUNN ... and after telling us how big of degenerates these two guys are, and a lot of goading by the King, Shamrock nails Venis with a chair. Gunn picks up the chair to fend off Shamrock, which Venis sees once he recovers. Thinking Gunn hit him with the chair he nails him from behind, grabs the chair, and gives him a whack with it. Mankind pays some guy $487 so he can take Mexican wrestler Max Mini home for three days. More of the Rock's money down the tubes. - The Rock has dialed up Vince McMahon, and we see the two converse via split-screen. The Rock complains about Mankind spending all his money. McMahon does a double-take at the wall decorations in the seedy bar he's in. - Kevin Kelly interviews Debra McMichael. As she's running down her assets, "Sexual Chocolate" Mark Henry comes out to hit on her. Some one-liners are swapped until Jeff Jarrett and Owen Hart come out to beat Henry up. Mankind is in the back advising Kurrgan how he should invest his money. Kurrgan says he has no money, so Mankind gives him a handful. "Jeepers, thanks!" - Terri Runnels (after a clip of her "losing her baby") and Jacqueline lead D-Lo Brown to the ring. Terri tells D-Lo it's time to teach him another lesson. D-Lo asks when enough is going to be enough. Jackie tells him they aren't done with him by a long shot. Terri calls out the Big Bossman. Since he called her a "bitch" during their earlier run-in, D-Lo's gonna make the Bossman his "bitch" ("bitch" is bleeped each time). - D-LO BROWN (w/ PMS) vs. THE BIG BOSSMAN There's a joke about the Monkees, back in the 60's, wanting to call their movie "Head", so that if it was a success, and they made a sequel, the studio would have to bill it as being "from the people who brought you 'Head!'" I suspect "D-Lo Brown with PMS" is a similar joke. D-Lo actually has the Bossman down for the pin, but PMS has the ref tied up on the apron. D-Lo comes over to gripe, only to fall victim to a Sidewalk Slam from the Bossman. Another man falls victim to PMS. The Bossman lays in a beating until Mark Henry makes the save. Patterson tries putting the moves on a little filly in another Texas bar (or maybe this is all happening in the same bar--who can tell). She tells him he's cute for an "older gentleman", then knees him in the groin. McMahon shows up and says he's found Austin. - The Blue Meanie, now serving as the "RAW Boy", comes out to entertain the crowd with a seductive dance. Goldust comes out and kicks his can. Mark Henry is telling the roughed-up D-Lo that he has to dump PMS. Terri losing her baby is mention and the doctor, who was the same doctor who checked out Terri when she fell off the apron (continuity!), says Terri was never pregnant to begin with, and certainly didn't lose any baby. ABOUT FREAKIN' TIME! - DARREN DROZDOV vs. KURRGAN (w/ the Oddities) Early in the match Michael Cole says the Royal Rumble set some kind of new PPV record. Quick win for the Droz, who pins the Kurrgan following a shoulderblock off the top (and a shot with a broomhandle, unseen by the ref). As I noted last week, I have no problem with Droz beating the hell out of the Oddities. I don't want to see it every week, though. Maybe next week someone else can beat up the Oddities. - McMahon and the boys are eating some chili in Steve Austin's favorite diner. McMahon samples some BBQ-ed something-or-other and doesn't care for it. When Brisco complains to the waitress she dumps some on his cowboy hat. "What kind of people are you?" McMahon again asks. - The Undertaker takes a seat on his throne on the stage to watch the next match. WWF WAR ZONE Hosted By: Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler. - MIDIAN/VISCERA vs. THE BROOD "Viscera" is Mabel's new name. Michael Cole, in hyping the WWF's latest CD, notes that it's hit #24 on the charts. This is a handicap match, with all three members of the Brood (Gangrel, Edge, Christian) going up against the two members of the Undertaker's Ministry of darkness. Just a few minutes in the Acolytes, Bradshaw and Faarooq, attack the Brood. DQ. Referees come out to break it up, but the Brood actually knock them out of the ring. The beating continues, with Gangrel eventually being choked with a noose. The Undertaker enters the ring and mesmerizes Gangrel with his Evil Powers of Darkness. - Mankind tells Debra he's bought something for her boobs (which give him a "funny feeling" every time he looks at them): a sweater. She was apparently hoping for jewelry. - Halftime Heat. The Rock. Mankind. New WWF Champion. Did the show restart? - Mankind comes out. "Foley!" chant, which Lawler claims must be taped. Mankind says he doesn't look or feel good after his Halftime Heat match, but he sure looks good with the WWF Title. The Rock's music kicks in to a huge crowd reaction. "Rocky sucks!" chant. The Rock says he wants his $97,000 back. Mankind says that's it's now down to about $72,000 and he's now changed his mind about giving it back. The Rock challenges Mankind to a "Last Man Standing" match at "St. Valentine's Day Massacre". Mankind accepts. They play an alternate version of the WWF Super Bowl commercial which looks just the same, but the wrestlers say the exact opposite of what they said before. McMahon and the associates believe they have cornered Austin in a pawn shop. He tells the two to provoke Austin, at which point he will come to their aid and get Austin to ruin his career. - McMahon goes in himself. Seeing what looks like Austin he approaches and calls him a "chicken-*bleep*". The figure turns around--it's not Austin--and asks "are you looking for Austin or a bullet?" The armed Austin look-alike tells McMahon "Stone Cold" is down at the corner bar. (Okay, this stuff is funny and all, but it's starting to remind me of that time "Mean" Gene Okerlund and Lord Alfred Hayes went hunting in the "jungle".) - ROAD DOGG/AL SNOW vs. THE ACOLYTES Road Dogg trips up the crowd a bit by removing Billy Gunn from his intro. Hardcore rules tag match, which quickly spills out of the ring, through the crowd, backstage, and outside. As Snow and Faarooq are battling outside, inside a "fan" throws a drink at Bradshaw. Bradshaw floors him. Back outside Viscera interferes and slams Snow through a wooden board. Faarooq comes back in the arena and he and Bradshaw have little difficulty in putting him through a table and pinning him. (Word is this may have actually injured the Road Dogg, which made him miss a few house shows last week.) The Undertaker and three robed Druids come out. The hoods are pulled back and the Brood are revealed as having joined the Ministry of Darkness. Their earlier beating was some kind of "initiation". - Road Dogg tracks down Al Snow and chews him out for leaving him high and dry in the ring. The Dogg floors him with a chair. - McMahon has finally found Austin and begins calling him names. Austin does his best to ignore him. He eventually says he'll wait until the PPV to get his hands on him, and says that maybe the other locals in the bar might like to take care of him. The crowd closes in. (I'm surprised someone didn't say "you sure have a purty mouth!") - TRIPLE H vs. KANE Steel cage match. Triple H has some unkind things to say about Chyna before the match. Fairly typical as far as these things go, with both guys usually ignoring the door and trying to climb over the top. Triple H tries for the door a few times but gets dragged away each. One attempt allows him to pull a chair into the ring (the chair being next to the ring steps). Triple H tries a Pedigree at one point, but Kane reverses it and launches him into the cage wall. He then plants him with a chokeslam. Kane finally decides to exit by way of the door, only to have it slammed on his head by X-Pac. Kane comes up bloody and tries to climb out over the top, but X-Pac climbs up the cage and keeps him in with kicks and punches. Chyna then runs into the cage and makes a grab for Triple H, who is climbing up the other side. Triple H knocks her down and drops to the floor, winning the match. As Triple H and X-Pac are heading up the ramp Chyna says that this thing between he and her isn't going to go "around and around", and she wishes him a happy St. Valentine's Day. I'd assume she has a surprise for him. Perhaps a GIANT surprise? Hmmm ... - Next week: RAW will not be on, preempted by the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. Comments: I'm not sure what to think about the Brood joining the Ministry. Either it makes the Ministry better, or the Brood worse. Maybe both. In any case, it looks as if less emphasis is going to be placed on the cornball theatrics, and more on the Ministry as a force in the ring. I'm not sure if they're trying to build a feud between X-Pac and Shane McMahon, or a feud between X-Pac and Kane. If the latter goes as a match to PPV, I would hope that X-Pac wins. It sucks when they do an underdog scenario like that and the underdog loses. I liked most of the "McMahon in Texas" bits. I wonder if they used actual locals and friends of Austin, because these people were sure terrible as actors. Overall I thought the show was okay. Not great, but not bad either. The actual wrestling was about average for what we get from the WWF now, though it rated at about the lower end of the amount of "action" I'd like to see. I liked the main event. Seeing the face win via interference was a bit unusual. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Bottom Line: That's all for this week. I'm about tapped out. Be sure to check out Bret Hart (Clark?) on "MadTV" this Saturday, and the Rock and Ken Shamrock on "That 70's Show" on Fox this Sunday. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Slobberknocker Central" and "Monday Night Recap" are copyright 1999 by John Petrie, and all opinions expressed therein are his own, and not those of "Internet Access, Inc". Check the "Slobberknocker Central" main page for info on how to receive the "Recap" free via E-Mail every week. Volume One, Number 168 of the "Monday Night Recap", February 1st, 1999.