Thunder Results
Live/Taped: Taped 8/13.
Length: Two Hours+.
Location: Fargo, North Dakota.
Hosted By: Tony Schiavone, Bobby "The Brain" Heenan and Lee Marshall.

PSYCHOSIS vs. JUVENTUD GUERRERA
With Dean Malenko trying to be a Horseman, Rey Mysterio, Jr. injured, 
and Chris Jericho owning the Television Title, that leaves only three 
wrestlers left in the Cruiserweight Division: Lizmark, Jr., Psychosis and 
champion Juventud Guerrera. Guerrera wins this lengthy, but uninspired 
match with the Juvi Driver.

Wolfpac video.

"Mean" Gene Okerlund interviews Stevie Ray. Part of the Thunder entranceway 
serves as the backdrop, and the interview was conducted either before or 
after last week's Thunder taping. Suddenly the "WCW Saturday Night" feel 
of the show increases tenfold.

They replay clips from the Warrior's debut. Schiavone then announces 
that there's some kind of question over which team the Warrior will be on 
at Wargames--if any. Seems Eric Bischoff threw a fit of some sort, and 
claims that the Warrior isn't signed with WCW. Schiavone brings up the 
inconsistency of Diamond Dallas Page's claim that he contacted the 
Warrior, and the Warrior's claim that he came "uninvited". "Interim 
Commissioner" "Rowdy" Roddy Piper will be on Nitro Monday to sort things 
out. (Isn't J.J. Dillon the WCW Commissioner? Why would they still have an 
"Interim Commissioner" then?) This all amounts to a bunch of needless 
suspense to accomplish something which all the fans assumed in the first 
place: that the Warrior would be on team WCW. Knowing WCW, though, they're 
probably going to change things around for the sole purpose of being able 
to trash the Internet fans for assuming what they wanted us to assume in 
the first place.

"HACKSAW" JIM DUGGAN vs. BARRY DARSOW
Unbelievable. Duggan takes almost six minutes to score his usual 
victory.

Needing all the filler material they can get, they take a look back at 
Wargames matches from the past. Mostly an excuse to show guys like Ric 
Flair, Sid and Brian Pillman, they focus most of the attention on the 
last three Wargames matches. It's mentioned that in addition to the usual 
"submission or surrender" stipulations, pinfalls will now count. Where the 
Wargames once served as a massive tool of revenge between two factions, 
this year's contest is now just a gimmick match to pick a number one 
contender to face Goldberg. So much for tradition.

"Mean" Gene interviews Bret Hart, again in an empty arena.

Empty arena interview number three, with Steve McMichael delivering 
comments.

BRIAN ADAMS (w/ Vincent) vs. DEAN MALENKO
Adams dominates all of the way through until Malenko turns a bear hug 
into a DDT. Vincent then physically grapples with the ref (easily a DQ'able 
offense) so that Curt Hennig can come in and lay out Malenko. Adams does 
a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and covers for the pin. Wasn't Malenko supposed 
to be winning his matches so he can prove he's Four Horseman material?

A special NWO video serves as a scorecard so that we can remember who 
their members are (this week, anyway).

They replay the Buff Bagwell/Scott Steiner/Rick Steiner crazed doctor 
segment from Monday in it's entirety. After plugging WCW Saturday Night 
and showing a t-shirt ad they take another commercial.

They replay Raven's speech from last Saturday, where he gets into a 
confrontation with Saturn. This set up a match at the PPV where the 
winner will get to control the Flock. Remember when they would have 
actually done this live on Thunder (or Nitro) to set the angle up?

RAVEN vs. SATURN vs. KANYON vs. HORACE
Yeah, like Horace is gonna win this one. A "Four Corners" match, with 
one man in each corner. Only two men in the ring at one time (though it's 
"Raven's Rules", so why would tags even matter?) Dead crowd, dull match. 
At least twice Raven should have been pinned, but the ref purposely 
slows his count to allow Raven an extra heartbeat to kick out. Raven pins 
Horace following a DDT while Saturn and Kanyon are brawling out on the 
floor.

Giant interview.

CURT HENNIG (w/ Rick Rude) vs. STEVE "MONGO" MCMICHAEL
I don't think I'm beating anything into the ground by pointing out how bad 
Mongo is. Here Hennig has the sure win with the Hennig-Plex, only to have 
it spoiled by a run-in from Dean Malenko (DQ win for Hennig). Rude then 
comes in and both Horsemen candidates are left laying.

THE GIANT (w/ Scott Hall) vs. STEVIE RAY
The Giant is going for a casual look, wrestling in his jeans and a t-shirt. 
Hall looks "in no condition" to even stand in the corner. Stevie Ray, out 
of nowhere, becomes an unbeatable titan, manhandling both the Giant and 
Hall. The Giant rallies by punching his own left hand (which he's placed 
on Stevie's forehead). A chokeslam follows. Hall tells Stevie to "suck on 
that!" which draws a DQ. Unbelievable. Adams, Hennig and Vincent of the 
NWO all come out to slap Stevie around. Tenay exclaims "what's the point?!" 
I agree. The End.

Next Monday: "Rowdy" Roddy Piper ... again.

Next week: Thunder will be on Wednesday.

Comments:

My memory is getting bad, so I'll only go so far as to proclaim this ONE 
OF the worst installments of Thunder ever. There seemed to be absolutely no 
point to this show, other than to firmly establish that the NWO has 
something against Stevie Ray.

A good chunk of the crowd noise seemed canned. The crowd itself was dead, 
as all the matches were taped either before or after last week's live 
Thunder. The announcers, Heenan in particular, used the fact that the show 
was taped to polish their humor. The usual play-by-play was still awful, 
though. I think Tenay called two or three different moves "the Flapjack".

If Ric Flair does return it will be to form the worst unit of the Four 
Horsemen ever. Dean Malenko, while a skilled wrestler, has barely more 
charisma than Dan Severn, and seemingly can't beat anyone over five feet 
tall. Steve McMichael is, well ... Steve McMichael. Arn Anderson is great 
behind the mic, but his bad neck will prevent him from doing much of 
anything physical. That just leaves Chris Benoit and, as his last stint as 
a Horseman showed, he's better off playing the "lone wolf" role. Long time 
Horsemen fans should admit that, with or without Flair, this is a bad idea. 
In the words of Arn, "let it be!"

I think we all knew Thunder would be less exciting taped, but even I didn't 
think it would be this bad.