Slobberknocker Central Monday Night Recap #110
December 22nd, 1997

WCW Monday Nitro:
Live/Taped: Live.
Length: Three Hours.
Location: Macon, Georgia.
HOUR ONE Hosted By: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay and Larry Zbyszko.

 - They play selected clips from last week's show, carefully editing around
   the almost endless fan run-ins.

 - The Nitro Girls regale us with a Christmas themed dirty dancing number in
   the ring.

 - They show the Eric Bischoff NWO promo which closed out the WCW Saturday
   Night show. Basically it's him telling us how great he is, how badly he's
   going to beat Larry Zbyszko, etc. It lasts over three minutes. Sometime
   after this Schiavone announces that the show will be three hours long
   again this week.

 - EDDIE GUERRERO vs. FIT FINLEY
   A mix of styles that never really works. After about five minutes of
   little more than punching and kicking Eddie walks out of the match,
   saying "I don't need this!" Finley wins via countout.

   They then show a clip of "The Sack Master" Kevin Greene, capitalizing on
   his team, the San Francisco 49ers, winning the NFC West division in the
   NFL.

 - Pre-taped comments from the Giant regarding his match with Kevin Nash are
   played.

 - MENG (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. STEVE "MONGO" MCMICHAEL
   Mongo is the first one to get any kind of decent reaction from the crowd
   (except maybe for the Nitro Girls). Talk about pushes that are MIA,
   what's happened to Mongo's? I really felt WCW had made a star out of him,
   and his genuine efforts to improve were close to winning me over.
   Suddenly WCW just seemed to forget him (as they've also pretty much done
   with Lex Luger, the Giant, Diamond Dallas Page, Randy Savage, ... )

   This match was about two steps up from "awful". Mostly chops back-and-
   forth, with a few power moves thrown in. Meng has Mongo pretty much beat
   after a splash off the top rope, but picks him up instead of pinning him.
   They go to the floor. Hart tries to interfere with a steel chair, but
   Mongo ducks. The chair whacks the post, then Hart lays it on the apron.
   Mongo chases Hart into the ring, where he and Meng resume trading chops.
   Hart slides one of those balsa wood chairs in the ring and distracts the
   ref. Mongo picks up the chair and smashes it over Meng's head. No
   reaction from either Meng or the crowd. Mongo then retrieves the steel
   chair and gives that a try. Still no reaction from anyone in the arena.
   He then hoists Meng into position for the Tombstone Piledriver, which
   does finally draw a response from the crowd. Mongo plants him and covers
   for the pin. Five minute match.

   The NFL'er featured going into this break is Reggie White of the Green
   Bay Packers.

 - Nitro Girls.

 - Mean Gene Okerlund interviews Diamond Dallas Page in the ring. DDP talks
   about Christmas, and how his match with Curt Hennig at Starrcade is his
   present this year. DDP is replacing Flair, who still hasn't recovered
   from his injury suffered at World War 3 (thus the reason for the
   NWO attack last week).

 - They run a promo hyping the match between the Giant and Kevin Nash at
   Starrcade. Didn't the Giant's interview ten minutes early essentially
   serve the same purpose?

 - LA PARKA/PSYCHOSIS/SILVER KING vs.
   REY MYSTERIO, JR./JUVENTUD GUERRERA/HECTOR GARZA
   I think it's a given that usually the more guys you add to a match, the
   less good it'll be. This match upholds that theory. Some spots were
   flubbed, with many simply not being done with the accuracy of those in
   the lucha match last week. They also used a few spots that were simply
   less believable, including one which started with a man down in the
   center of the ring. An opposing members flies off the top, but misses the
   splash attempt. Every other wrestler in the match then follows suit, with
   Silver King being the last, taking forever to climb to the top and do his
   own miss. The crowd got progressively quieter with each miss. They also
   had to go out of their way to set up Hector Garza's corkscrew plancha
   from the top to the floor. The best spots of the match were Guerrera
   springboarding off Garza's back to do an "Air Juve" from the ring to the
   floor, and a funny bit where La Parka caught Mysterio coming out of a
   springboard and strutted across the ring, carrying him like a sack of
   potatoes. Mysterio pins Silver King with his usual finisher.

   Good match, but far short of the one shown last week. Not quite five
   minutes, with a few moments used during the match to show Raven's Flock
   arriving again (without Raven ... as usual).

 - This week's Nitro Party Video-another shameful performance by a frat
   house-is judged as the big winner. The Nitro Girls will go there sometime
   in the future and footage may be taped to show on TV.

 - CHRIS BENOIT vs. HAMMER
   Five weeks in a row now that Raven isn't there. Wanna know where he is?
   Rumor is he's in the hospital recovering from an organ infection due to
   too much drinking. Seriously. That's just the rumor ... I certainly have
   no idea where he is. (Far be it for WCW to actually tell us.)

   Hammer does hardly anything, letting Benoit beat on him from pillar to
   post. The match spills to the floor, where Saturn interferes (but the
   referee lets it go). Back in the ring Hammer does two or three offensive
   moves, but Benoit again takes control. They go back to the floor and the
   rest of the Flock interferes, which draws the DQ. Saturn nails Benoit off
   the top to the floor with a flying body smash, then throws him in the
   ring to put him out with the Rings of Saturn submission hold.

   Three minute match. I'm not going to record the length of every match,
   I'm just documenting the total time of in-ring action this week for a
   specific reason (which I'll get to later).

   The next NFL'er "in" WCW is Jim Kelly, who showed up at ringside a few
   weeks ago. Yeah ... I guess that counts.

 - A bit over an hour has gone by and we've gotten four matches (an okay
   total) with somewhere between 17 and 19 minutes of action (not so okay).
   This would nearly constitute the bulk of the action for the entire night.
   WCW should really do something at this point ...

 - The NWO come out and chase Schiavone and Tenay away from the desk.
   Zbyszko had apparently already left during the break. No sign of Heenan.
   With no announcer commentary we're left to figure out for ourselves
   what's going one. That's not too hard: it's an invasion.

   For the next TEN MINUTES the members of the NWO engage in a reign of
   terror, forcing cameramen and production crew to take off their WCW
   shirts and replace them with NWO shirts. The control truck is taken over.
   WCW banners hanging from the ceiling are covered over with NWO banners.
   Workers use industrial cutters to tear down the large steel "WCW" letters
   which flank the entryway (though in actuality the letters just lift out
   of the base they set on. The cutters make it look more dramatic because
   they throw off sparks, yet the supports for the letters are never
   actually cut). All the WCW and Nitro signs which ornament the entry way
   are taken down and replaced with "NWO Monday Nitro" signs. Dozens of
   times the various NWO members (minus Hogan, Bischoff, Hall and Nash up to
   this point) yell out things like "we're taking over!", "NWO 4 Life!" and
   "viva la rasa!" Buff Bagwell eventually heads to the ring and asks the
   ring announcer if he's NWO or not. The announcer says no, so Bagwell
   throws him out of the ring. At random moments the NWO audio bits (such as
   "New-New-New World Order!" play over the sound system). The crowd is left
   to mill around aimlessly and wonder if the show is over.

   Back from the commercial we see Bagwell has sprayed "NWO" on the mat in
   the ring. Rick Rude then starts yelling for fireworks to go off. He has
   to repeat himself a half dozen times before they do, but they just sort
   of fizzle out of the framework over the entryway. A large steel slab is
   lowered from the ceiling which bears the new "NWO Monday Nitro" logo. It
   is hollowed out, and the logo is cut into the steel. Flames inside the
   slab erupt, highlighting the logo. NWO leaflets have been handed out as
   well. A brainwashed NWO fan mouths every known NWO catchphrase as he
   holds up the pamphlet which, at the bottom, welcomes Bret (Hart) to the
   NWO. Cue the new intro ...

NWO Monday Nitro:
Live/Taped: Live.
Length: Two Hours.
Location: Macon, Georgia.
HOUR ONE Hosted By: Eric Bischoff, Kevin Nash and Rick Rude.

 - The scene is a steel works, where the WCW Monday Nitro slab is pounded,
   cut and welded into the new NWO logo. The footage is shown in a grainy,
   scratched sepia tone. This is intercut with shots of the various NWO
   members saying "4 Life!" and such. They then show the crowd (as they do
   at the usual start of Nitro) and with new graphics which announce they
   are live from Macon, Georgia.

 - Eric Bischoff rides a Harley chopper to the ring. He brings out
   "Hollywood" Hogan and the rest of the NWO. Embarrassingly enough, even
   though the crowd has been watching all these guys for nearly TWENTY
   MINUTES with no reaction, they mindlessly pop for the NWO theme music.
   After a minute the reaction dies down when they switch over to Hogan's
   music (as he comes out).

   Bischoff announces that Nitro is now their show. Apparently Starrcade
   happened the night before, not this upcoming Sunday as we'd all foolishly
   assumed. Bischoff announces that tonight is Hogan's night and the show is
   all his. The crowd is nearly dead silent (except for that small portion
   of diehard NWO fans). Fans yell "this sucks!" as Bischoff signals for it
   to "snow" NWO leaflets from the ceiling. Eric sings an off-key line from
   "White Christmas". Nearly TWENTY-FIVE MINUTES since the last match.
   Bischoff then presents Hogan with a gift from the absent Syxx: a black
   chopper. A second Harley is then wheeled out: this one with a custom
   "Hollywood" paint job-another gift for Hogan. Hogan inspects his gifts as
   the next one is brought out: a mile long black stretch limo convertible
   with champagne bearing waiters and a hot tub full of Nitro Girls in the
   trunk! Despite this spectacle, the crowd is becoming very restless.
   Nearly THIRTY MINUTES have passed since the last match. No better time
   for a commercial break, I suppose.

 - J.J. Dillon is in the parking garage conferring with Rick Steiner and Ted
   DiBiase. Dillon says Rick is under no contractual obligation to go out
   and take part in tonight's debacle, and that there'd be no repercussions
   from WCW if he walked away. Rick says he wants a shot at the NWO and he
   and Ted head into the arena.

 - Bischoff, Rude and Nash begin their turn at commentary. "Hi mom!" is
   about the wittiest thing any of them can come up with. We just hit the
   THIRTY-FIVE MINUTE mark as Scott Norton makes his way to the ring.

 - SCOTT NORTON vs. RICK STEINER (w/ Ted DiBiase)
   Bischoff calls Ted "a former compatriot, but now a piece of human
   garbage!" Rude brings up the fact that Sting broke his (Rick's) neck in
   Japan.

   After three minutes of human bumper cars Konan and Vincent run in and
   attack Steiner. The DQ is called. Ray Traylor and Scott Steiner run in to
   make the save.

   Similar to the WCW NFL segments, they show clips of Dennis Rodman in the
   New World Order.

 - The announcers mull over how badly Nash is going to beat the Giant at
   Starrcade.

 - DISCO INFERNO vs. CURT HENNIG
   Rude talks about how he knew Hennig growing up in Minnesota. Bischoff
   talks about Larry "The Ax" Hennig. Nash says he must have really missed
   out not growing up in Minnesota. Bischoff says he missed a lot of cold
   weather, and that people here have to fight to stay warm. Hey, screw you
   Bischoff! Why don't you tell us all again how you killed off the AWA, you
   rat bastard!

   An okay match, but one that never strays beyond the generic back-and-
   forth routine. Hennig wins in about six minutes with the Hennig-Plex.

HOUR TWO Hosted By: Rick Rude, Mike Tenay and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan.

 - Bobby "The Brain" Heenan comes out to talk some "business" with Bischoff.
   Bobby says he left the World Wrestling Federation because he wanted to
   work with him. He says the NWO is the future and that he also is always
   on the winning team. He says Nash is the only giant in the NWO. He agrees
   with Rude that Hogan should break Sting's neck. Heenan replaces Nash in
   the booth. At this point I'm hoping that Bobby is working on a scheme, but
   my dad (the biggest mark on the planet) starts throwing things at the TV.
   Heenan invites Rude out to dinner after the show.

 - HARLEM HEAT vs. LODI/SCOTTY RIGGS
   From this point on Heenan makes an fool of himself, agreeing with
   everything Bischoff and Rude says. Bischoff calls Mike Tenay back out to
   replace him. Rude tells Tenay "If you call it like *I* see it we'll have
   no problems".

   Another six minute match. I don't think Riggs and Lodi got in a single
   offensive maneuver. Total squash, with Lodi getting pinned after Riggs
   returns to his seat in the front row.

   I should note at this point that the new look NWO Nitro is exactly like
   the old look WCW Nitro, except that the screen graphics and music are
   different. Otherwise they do all the same things at then same times (such
   as the "promotional consideration" messages as they go to break).

 - CHRIS JERICHO vs. MARCUS BUFF BAGWELL
   ... as he's billed on the screen.

   The longest match of the night, going some eleven minutes. The first
   three are okay, with Jericho in control. They then go to a commercial.
   It's all restholds from then on. Bagwell wins with the Buff Blockbuster
   off the top. Bagwell clobbers the ref after the match.

 - Bischoff once again leads a batch of NWO-ites to the ring. A "Vince Fears
   Hogan" sign somehow ends up in the ring. Bischoff says "That's true ...
   he fears just about everybody right now". Har har. I wonder how many NWO
   (and WCW) fans had the slightest inkling that at this exact moment, more
   people were watching RAW than Nitro? (More on that later.) A fan can be
   heard yelling "Hey Bischoff ... you're a queer!"

   They present Hogan with another gift: a golden ring replicating the WCW
   World Title belt. At least this one actually has Hogan's name on it (not
   "The Giant", which is on the actual title belt). Bischoff drops to one
   knee and proclaims "with this ring I do thee name you the Heavyweight
   Champion of the world!" A banner then unfurls from the ceiling, bearing
   a facsimile of Hogan's appearance on the cover of "Sports Illustrated"
   back in the 80's. The boo's from the crowd are almost unanimous at this
   point. Another banner is dropped: this one showing a scene from "Rocky
   III". Three or four people boo. The rest wait a beat, then begin a
   "Rocky! Rocky!" chant.

 - After a commercial the limo backs out of the ring area. They go to
   another commercial as Randy Savage enters the ring.

 - RANDY "MACHO MAN" SAVAGE (w/ Liz) vs. LEX LUGER
   Tenay accidentally calls the show "WCW Monday Nitro", which nearly draws
   a beating from Rude. Rude also orders him to stop calling Luger the
   "Original Total Package". Rude, when he did color commentary for ECW was
   witty and insightful. Here in WCW he's just coarse, gruff and, well ...
   rude.

   The crowd is dead quiet during most of this match. After a stretch out on
   the floor Luger is in control. You can practically hear people breathing
   it's so quiet. Back in the ring Luger accidentally knocks out the ref
   with a forearm shot when Savage ducks the blow. Buff Bagwell eventually
   comes out and interferes, followed by Kevin Nash, who Jackknifes Luger in
   the middle of the ring. Savage drops an elbow off the top and Bagwell
   wakes up the ref to make the three count.

   The match went five minutes. That adds up to a little over 45 minutes of
   in-ring action for the whole show. Out of three hours. Two hours and
   fifteen minutes of interviews, promos, filler and commercials (though not
   all the commercials, as some of them took place during matches, meaning
   some of the 45 minutes of match time actually includes commercial time).

 - Bischoff and Hogan come out one more time. Hogan takes a moment to
   badmouth Sting, calling him a "chicklet" and making a series of BBQ
   jokes.

   A generic security-type guy in an NWO shirt enters the ring and hands
   Hogan a box wrapped in silver foil. Hogan thanks Bischoff. Eric says he
   didn't send it.

   Suddenly the black limo comes back out, bearing Bret "Hitman" Hart in
   the back seat. The crowd reaction is modest at best. Hart hops out. Hogan
   opens the box and pulls out a bloody replica of his own severed head.
   Hogan makes a goofy face. The crowd barely responds.

   Sting appears over the entryway. The crowd reaction is much louder than
   that which Hart got. Hogan is still making goofy faces. Sting grabs a
   pair of hand grips and slides along a cable to the ring. Hogan is still
   making goofy, scared faces. The show ends. Hart never said a word.

 - Next week: Nothing announced.

Comments:

Hands down one of the worst Nitro's this year-if not ever. This isn't just
me saying this: reaction across the Internet is pretty similar. They managed
to do nine matches, but if you asked me late Monday night how many there
were, I'd have guessed six at the most. Every time I flipped back from RAW
the NWO would be in the ring, or something similar.

This week's Hart appearance was even more inconsequential than last week's.
He was on camera for about twenty seconds, not saying a word. The
implication was that he sent Hogan the box, but then Sting appeared, making
it seem like he sent the box. The fans, throughout the show, were just happy
to see the major WCW stars.

Seriously, WCW is very lucky that this crowd was as well mannered as it
turned out to be. They're also lucky that they didn't start walking it
(which may have happened, according to a couple of E-Mails I've gotten from
people who attended the show live). It wasn't a mass flood of people leaving
the arena, but a lot did start leaving after the end of the second hour.

Speaking of people leaving, if you've already seen the main page of my
website, or been to any of the other news sites, then you'd have seen the
news regarding this week's ratings. If not, here's the lowdown: so many
people tuned out during the course of the three hour Nitro that RAW's
second hour actually beat Nitro's third hour! RAW's first hour only barely
lost to Nitro's second hour. The overall difference in viewers in the two
head-to-head hours was less than 150,000 viewers. Even if you add in Nitro's
good first hour, (the *unopposed* WCW hour), Nitro beat RAW by less than a
half ratings point overall. Nitro should have killed RAW this week. Instead
they nearly lost to RAW: something most everyone has assumed an near
impossibility up to now. Here are the numbers:

Nitro:
Hour One:   4.0
Hour Two:   3.6
Hour Three: 3.0
Average:    3.5
vs. RAW:    3.3

RAW:
Hour One:   3.0
Hour Two:   3.2
Average:    3.1

To my knowledge, this is the first time RAW has actually won an entire hour
in then last 70 weeks or so. They damn near won the entire two hour head-to-
head battle, and the 0.4 ratings point difference overall is something like
the second or third narrowest margin of difference since Nitro began their
winning streak. Nitro usually wins by a margin two or three times greater
than this.

A memorable, noteworthy show, but one which I simply didn't enjoy for more
than a few minutes: most of those in the first hour.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

WWF RAW is WAR:
Live/Taped: Taped 12/11.
Length: Two Hours.
Location: Lowell, Massachussetts.
WWF RAW Hosted By: Jim Ross, Michael Cole and Kevin Kelly.

 - A Legion of Doom video package is shown in which it's speculated that the
   New Age Outlaws may have ended their careers.

 - Snow falls from the ceiling of the arena. Jim Ross says DeGeneration X
   has a Christmas present for all the fans, but that WWF censors are
   standing by just in case it's too RAW. Shawn Michaels, Hunter Hearst
   Helmsley and Chyna come to the ring. Shawn and Hunter are wearing
   bathrobes. Shawn asks the fans if they've been "naughty or nice?" Hunter
   then takes over and says D-X has ended the careers of the LOD, then warns
   the New Age Outlaws not to take credit for their work. He talks about
   Owen Hart, letting him know that he's got a pacifier that the baby Owen
   can suck on. Shawn takes the mic back and rags on the Undertaker.

   Then comes the Christmas gift: Shawn and Hunter remove their robes,
   revealing matching pairs of boxer shorts. The shorts are yanked down and
   their posteriors are covered by on-screen censor logos (mostly, though
   you can still see through them and whenever either man moves, the logo is
   slow to follow). Both are wearing jockstraps with bits of mistletoe on
   the waistband. Shawn invites any WWF Superstar to come out for a smooch
   under said mistletoe. Ross and the others make various yule log and nut
   jokes.

   Commissioner Slaughter heads to the ring as the boys re-robe. The Sarge
   reminds Shawn that he hasn't defended his European Title since ... well,
   practically since he's won it. Shawn says he's been busy being the World
   Champion. Slaughter says Shawn will have to defend it tonight or be
   stripped of it. Shawn points out that he's not afraid of stripping
   (indicating the robe) but that he'd be willing to face whoever Slaughter
   wants him to. Slaughter says his opponent tonight will be ... (drum roll)
   Hunter Hearst Helmsley. Shawn acts all pissed while Hunter gets on the
   mic and says he knows Slaughter is just doing this so D-X will break up
   when HHH beats Shawn. "Whoa!" interrupts Shawn. "I was with you up until
   the point where you said you'd beat me!" Shawn insinuates that Hunter is
   a "loo-ser!" and that he-Shawn Michaels-doesn't lay down for anyone.

 - THE HEAD BANGERS vs. THE GODWINNS
   The various ring entrances seemed to take longer than the match itself,
   as the Godwinns are DQ'ed in after about two minutes for double teaming.
   The pig farmers deliver some season's beatings with a pair of leather
   straps.

 - They recount Dude Love getting injured at the hands of the New Age
   Outlaws. They play comments from Mankind, who has deposited himself
   somewhere in the bowels of the arena. Mankind says that an "interesting
   phenomenon" takes place when break Dude Love's ribs: Mankind gets hurt as
   well! Mankind says that in the spirit of the season it's better to give
   than receive and that he'll give the NAO the beatings of their lives.

   They tease a confrontation between Steve Austin and Santa Claus, which
   took place "the week before" after last week's RAW.

 - After another look at Austin throwing the WWF Intercontinental Title they
   show a segment taped the same time as last week's show. Santa is in the
   ring awaiting a visit from Sable. Sable doesn't show and a little kid is
   brought into the ring instead. Santa says he wanted Sable, but asks the
   kid (boy ... girl ... it's hard to say: looks like a girl, but sounds
   like a boy and Santa keeps calling him/her "little boy"). Santa asks the
   kid what they'd like for Christmas. The kid says he isn't the real Santa.
   Santa kicks the kid out of the ring.

   *KEE-RASH!*

   Steve Austin heads to the ring, where he tells Santa to shut up and
   chastises him for kicking the kid out of the ring. He asks him if he's
   the real Santa. "Santa" says yes, so Austin asks him what he brought for
   Austin back when he was a six year old child. Santa says he brought him
   a Barbie Doll and some tiddly-winks. Wrong answer. Austin asks the crowd
   if it's the real Santa Claus. The crowd gives him a "hell no!" Long story
   short: Santa takes a ride on the Stone Cold Stunner Express.

 - A camera is outside the D-X lockerroom, where we can hear Shawn and
   Hunter arguing. A sample:

   HHH: "You're the 'Icon', you're the 'show stopper' ... I'm every bit as
   good as you are!"

   Shawn: "You can go to hell for all I care!"

   Shawn and Chyna storm out of the dressing room, shoving the cameraman
   aside.

 - "THE ROCK" ROCKY MAIVIA (w/ the Nation of Domination) vs. THE UNDERTAKER
   An okay match, but a commercial break right in the middle kept it from
   ever going anywhere. Back-and-forth at the start, with Rocky in command
   once they've returned from the commercial. The Undertaker stages his
   comeback and nails Rocky with the Tombstone Piledriver at about the ten
   minute mark. He covers, just about to get the win (and the title? I
   didn't catch if it was on the line or not). No count is made as the
   lights go out ...

   Kane and Paul Bearer make their way to the ring under the red lights.
   Bearer goes into a lengthy diatribe against the Undertaker, which
   eventually draws him into making a grab for him. Kane intercedes and
   nails the Undertaker. He blocks the second shot, but refuses to fight
   back. Kane continues to beat on the Undertaker, driving him down and into
   the corner where he spends some time laying in punches and kicks. The
   Undertaker refuses to fight back and is left laid out on the mat.

   Two matches. Twelve minutes of action. Not good, but only five to seven
   minutes less than what Nitro offered in their first hour-and they showed
   two more matches.

WWF WAR ZONE Hosted By: Jim Ross and Jim Cornette.

 - They recap the first hour highlights. What highlights?

 - SHAWN MICHAELS vs. HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY
   Chyna comes out first by herself, followed by Michaels. Hunter heads to
   the ring, but is jumped from behind by Owen Hart. Owen gets in a couple
   of shots before being chased off by Shawn. Slaughter comes out to check
   over the situation. Michaels accuses him and Hart of being in cahoots.
   The match is rescheduled to take place at the end of the show.

 - They replay some of Mankind's comments. Okay ... I get that "RAW" and the
   "WAR ZONE" are supposed to be separate shows, but do they really think we
   didn't see this?

 - The New Age Outlaws-Billy Gunn and Road Dog-are scouring the bowels of
   the arena in search of Mankind. They're wearing hard hats and carrying
   flashlights. They come across a shadowy figure dressed in a leather coat
   and attack him. When they discover it's a janitor (or handyman) they
   split the scene of the crime.

 - "MARVELOUS" MARC MERO vs. SCOTT TAYLOR
   Mero works over the crowd, saying he doesn't like them to look at his
   "property", but that he'd make an exception for Christmas. Ross says he
   saw Sable earlier in the day and that she'd been wearing a jolly, festive
   outfit. Out comes Sable, but she's been stuffed into a baggy reindeer
   outfit. Mero asks her if her "antlers" are real?

   Mero quickly beats Taylor, pinning him after about two minutes with the
   TKO. Mero shoves aside the ref and prepares to deliver a second TKO, but
   is attacked from behind by Tom ("The Jobber") Brandi. Mero is dumped out
   on the floor. Sable gives him a sour look, then strips off the reindeer
   outfit, revealing a not too revealing Santa's helper outfit. She wishes
   the crowd a Merry Christmas over the mic.

   They replay Owen Hart's sneak attack as they head to break.

 - Hunter and Chyna are shown back in the dressing room. Hunter tells her he
   knows he can beat Shawn. She whispers something to him and he says that
   he knows that he has nothing to prove. She whispers something else and he
   replies "yeah, I know I'm wearing my lucky shirt!" (A Chyna t-shirt.)

 - KURRGAN (w/ the Jackal) vs. EIGHT BALL
   The Jackal is show "mesmerizing" a fan at ringside. The Jackal babbles
   over the house mic during the match. Cornette says he hates obnoxious
   managers. Ross agrees, pointing out that he's been saying that for years.
   "Hey!" Cornette replies after a few beats.

   Kurrgan puts the DOA member away with a Sidewalk Slam after about three
   minutes. Eight Ball takes a shot at him from behind as the big man
   celebrates, which brings out the other members of the Truth Commission.
   All three of them beat on Eight Ball until Skull comes in waving a 2X4.
   The crowd, unfortunately, seems to have fallen asleep.

 - The New Age Outlaws are still down below somewhere chasing shadows.

 - D-LO BROWN (w/ the NOD) vs. KEN SHAMROCK
   Jim Ross mentions that Ken's brother Frank won the UFC middleweight
   division tournament on the PPV over the weekend.

   It almost takes Shamrock three minutes to make D-Lo tap out with the
   ankle submission hold.

   Rocky Maivia comes out and, following a lengthy and not too great speech,
   offers Shamrock an Intercontinental Title match at the Royal Rumble.

 - Shawn and Chyna are shown back in the dressing room. Shawn tells her he
   knows he can beat Hunter. She whispers something to him and he says that
   he knows that he has nothing to prove. She whispers something else and he
   replies "yeah, I know I'm wearing my lucky shirt!" (A Chyna t-shirt.)

 - The New Age Outlaws are still looking and they have the misfortune of
   stirring up a nest of Mankind. The Deranged One beats the two up with
   trash cans and assorted plunder: all the while reciting a free form
   Christmas poem. They eventually fight back and lock him in a walk-in
   freezer. They never show any of this again, so I'll be kind assume
   someone let Mankind out before he died.

 - The "Artist Formerly Known As Goldust" (dressed not too unlike a
   Christmas Tree) and Luna head to the ring. Goldust starts to read "T'was
   the Night Before Christmas" in an assortment of swishy voices (which Ross
   compares to Nathan Lane). He's interrupted by Santa Claus, who comes out
   to throw candy into the crowd. "Will you get the hell out of here?!" He
   tells him to take his "fat old jolly stinky self" away from ringside
   (which prompts Ross to question whether he means Santa or his "nearest
   relative"). Goldust decides to continue with his reading, leaving himself
   open for a toy sack shot to the head by Santa. Goldust and Luna escape
   from the ring. Goldust contemplates going back in until he realizes Santa
   is actually Vader. Vader works up the crowd, waking it up after the lull
   over the last half hour or so.

 - SHAWN MICHAELS vs. HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY
   They stall quite a bit before locking up, and once they do Shawn
   immediately drops flat on his back on the mat. Hunter starts running the
   ropes, taking long, goofy-looking, hilarious strides. He lands a baby's
   touch splash and covers for the pin. Hunter is the new European Champion.
   Shawn then gets on the mic and starts sobbing uncontrollably, saying this
   was the most physically and mentally grueling match he's ever been in.
   He and Hunter embrace. Hunter says that other than his kid being born
   ("though I don't have any-not that I know of-") that this was the
   greatest moment of his life. "Yo Sarge ... I did it!" (A la Rocky
   Balboa.) Slaughter comes partway to the ring. Shawn says Slaughter's been
   made an ass of. Slaughter smiles and quietly says to the camera that
   Hunter should laugh while he can because next week he'll have to defend
   his new title against Owen Hart.

 - Next week: Owen Hart vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley.

Comments:

Six Matches. About 22 minutes of total action. An hour an forty minutes of
angles, interviews, filler and commercials. Unlike Nitro the stuff out of
the ring was at least entertaining, but the lack of in-ring action was just
as painfully conspicuous in its absence as it was on Nitro.

Wasn't Hunter supposed to wrestle Owen THIS week? What was the point of the
whole "Rock, Paper, Scissors" bit last week then? I also thought it was
announced (at some point during this taping) that Shawn would then face Owen
the following week (i.e. this upcoming week) on the next live RAW? I guess
the reports from those in attendance were wrong.

This was the least live feeling RAW that they've put on in a long time. It
also had an odd look and feel to it because they really cut corner, such as
no opening fireworks, no ramp and no Titan-Tron. The announcers weren't even
at ringside. Instead they showed them standing a couple of times with the
crowd behind them in the age old obvious blue screen shot. Cutting corners
isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it becomes more obvious when the actual
card itself is so weak. I actually didn't mind seeing the show have a
slightly new look (as I'll grudgingly admit was also the case for Nitro this
week), but at least the WWF didn't make up watch the new look being created.
There's a reason they don't spend valuable air time showing the ring being
set up, the stages and props being assembled, etc.

I enjoyed myself watching the show this week, but ultimately this was a show
which will be quickly forgotten.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Bottom Line:

The WWF took a slight, though decidedly noticeable step back from the
escalating ascent into their new "adult" approach. Obviously some of that
was due to recent (and continuing criticisms). Some was probably due to the
fact that this was a Christmas show, meaning every criticism would be
appropriately magnified. I think what we're seeing here is the continuing
evolution process: a feeling out period, if you will. The WWF is gauging the
fan response, accepting the VALID criticisms and going ahead with molding
the product into what they think those fans who count want. That's all any
of this whole "evolution" has been, which is why all the sobbing and weeping
by WWF critics over how "sleazy" and "irresponsible" the WWF is wasn't only
premature, but pretty much off the mark. The WWF sees a new direction-one
which has resulted in a slight upswing in business of late. They've then
looked to see what is acceptable and what isn't to those fans. The process
will continue. It's clear that the new approach hasn't been abandoned,
though, as we still got a healthy dose of the antics of D-X, an only barely
kinder and gentler Steve Austin, the still weird Goldust, the slightly
rougher language in the second hour, etc. The WWF's primary concern now
seems to be restocking their depleted roster. With the Royal Rumble coming
up-a time which the WWF traditionally brings in a number of faces new and
old-they may just have that covered.

It's hard to use the terms "WCW" and "evolution" in the same sentence.
Frankly, WCW set the agenda for where we are now over a year ago and all
they've done is killed 15 months or so playing things out until they got
here. Think back to last year when Sting first showed up in black and white,
and how little has really changed in WCW. All the way back then WCW made it
clear that some day Sting and "Hollywood" Hogan would meet up (again). That
day is finally here and everything between now and back then has all been a
blur of a whole lot of the same-old-same-old. Here's a question: what
happens after Starrcade? If you hype a match for over a year, what happens
when that match is over? WCW has set this up to be the "greatest match
ever". What happens if it isn't? Let's look at a few of the scenarios, and
what may result from them:

 * Sting beats Hogan, winning the title in the process. This would be a
   great moment for WCW and its fans. Where does that leave Hogan, though?
   Will he still be in a position to be the number one challenger and get a
   rematch? Will Sting go back to wrestling regularly, or will WCW keep his
   appearances few, picking up where they left off with Hogan? Will the fans
   continue to be as strongly behind Sting if he goes back to his old look,
   goes back to being his old, talkative self, or if he essentially becomes
   another Hogan-esque "paper" champion? Wasn't Scott Hall's winning the
   World War 3 Battle Royal (and future title shot) pretty much a dead
   giveaway that Sting would win the title?

 * Sting wins, but doesn't win the Title. What would have been accomplished,
   then? Roddy Piper has beaten Hogan already several times over the last
   year. Lex Luger beat him for the title, but quickly lost it back. If
   Hogan holds on to the belt then how does WCW play this off as anything
   other than "business as usual"? Will the fans buy the notion of a rematch
   at the next PPV?

 * Hogan wins. Does anyone REALLY think this will happen?

That's a lot of questions and I'll be the first to admit that I don't have
any of the answers. With Bret Hart's arrival, plus about a thousand guys in
WCW waiting for their spot in the sun, I've no doubt WCW will come up with
something. The question is will Starrcade itself be worth all the hype
leading up to it. As I've said many times, anything less than a solid,
resounding title victory by Sting will be a letdown to the fans, and with
so few high quality matchups on the card, will what is actually delivered
in the ring stand up to any kind of critical evaluation? Will a high buyrate
be a sign that it was a "good" PPV, or will it merely mean that a lot of
people bought the hype? I don't think any PPV this year by any company had
totally lived up to its hype, so its hard to see this one being any
different.

This is why the Larry Zbyszko/Eric Bischoff match is probably the most
important one on the card. The stipulations in it will directly affect the
way we see WCW on television thereafter. It's obvious that this week's NWO
takeover was a direct test of the "NWO Nitro" concept and it seems to have
met with less than universal acclaim. Would it be different if they actually
ran the whole show from start to finish, offering what would essentially be
a regular Nitro? I don't know. I don't think WCW knows either. All this
uncertainty promises a lot of viewers for Starrcade and the upcoming
Nitro's, but it promises nothing in the way of excitement, entertainment or
quality matches. Let's face it: we'll all be tuning in just to see what in
the hell WCW comes up with, but there's absolutely no guarantee that any of
that anticipation will translate into actual enjoyment. Some might argue
that this precisely describes WCW and Nitro's success so far this year. How
else can you explain Sting-a man who hasn't wrestled a match in over 15
months-being among the most popular wrestlers in the world today, and being
involved in what is laughingly billed as the "Match of the Decade"?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

This Week's Winner: RAW.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Slobberknocker Central" and "Monday Night Recap" are copyright 1997 by
John Petrie, and all opinions expressed therein are his own, and not those
of "Internet Access, Inc". Check the "Slobberknocker Central" main page for
info on how to receive the "Recap" free via E-Mail every week.
Volume One, Number 110 of the "Monday Night Recap", December 22nd, 1997.

John Petrie
petrie@bji.net
Slobberknocker Central
http://www.bji.net/pages/petrie/index.html