[RESULTS/OPINION] WCW Monday Nitro/WWF Friday Night's Main Event (09/01/97 - 09/05/97)

[Slobberknocker Central Monday Night Recap #94] (09/01/97 - 09/05/97)

WCW Monday Nitro: (09/01/97)
Live/Taped: Live.
Length: Three Hours+.
Location: Pensacola, Florida.
HOUR ONE Hosted By: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay and Larry Zbyszko.

 - This week's show marked the second anniversary of Nitro and the start of
   its third season. By way of celebration they would go three hours again.
   The show is also dedicated to Arn Anderson, footage of whom is shown to
   kick off the show. For more than two minutes they run archival footage of
   Anderson dating back to the mid-80's and chronicling the formation of
   the original Four Horsemen, as well as the many roster changes which took
   place over the years. Arn's many title reigns are also mentioned. They
   then rerun Arn's retirement speech in full. This would play a crucial
   part later in the show. The show starts on the hour instead of five
   minutes before.

 - JEFF JARRETT/EDDIE GUERRERO (w/ Debra) vs. STEVE MCMICHAEL/CHRIS BENOIT
   As is typical in this lengthy, nonsensical feud, this match featured some
   great wrestling capped off by a screwy finish.

   Benoit is in control until the first commercial break, which comes about
   a minute into the match. Once back, we see Jarrett's team laying in a lot
   of punishment. Benoit finally tags in Mongo, who gets a reaction which
   nearly rivals that which is usually reserved for the likes of Flair,
   Diamond Dallas Page and Lex Luger. Benoit dumps Guerrero onto the ropes
   and he and Mongo try a double clothesline on Jarrett. As they hit the
   ropes Guerrero trips Benoit. Mongo then flubs his portion of the spot,
   doing a small stutter-step to get into position so that Jarrett can nail
   him. Jarrett then applies the Figure Four. Guerrero climbs to the top to
   lay in a shot on Mongo, but Dean Malenko runs in from nowhere and pushes
   Eddie off. Malenko then splashes Jarrett. Mongo is released from the hold
   and hooks a leg for the pin. The crowd roars in approval.

   Lex Luger gives a few words of acknowledgment to Arn Anderson as they go
   to commercial.

 - Scott Hall and Randy Savage come to the announcer's desk, chasing Tony
   Schiavone off. Zbyszko stands his ground, while Mike Tenay cowers in the
   background. (Well, not really "cowering" ... more like "staring with a
   blank, hypnotic gaze"). Liz looks on as Hall says the NWO is the reason
   everyone watches Nitro. Schiavone comes back thoroughly disgusted at the
   continuing actions of the NWO. Tony begs Larry to smack one of the NWO.
   Larry says it will ruin his golf game.

 - SILVER KING vs. MORTIS (w/ Wrath & James Vandenberg)
   I would just point out at this time that Silver King has absolutely no
   credibility in WCW, despite whatever credentials he may have brought with
   him from Mexico. I doubt he's won a third of his matches here, and I'm
   probably being very generous to give him that. WCW absolutely refuses to
   employ outright jobbers, giving even the worst of their wrestlers an
   occasional win (so as to foster an "any given match ... " mentality).
   Keeping that in mind, Silver King is as definitely a jobber as there is
   in WCW. As expected, Mortis wins fairly easily with the Cardiac Arrest,
   or whatever it is that they call his Samoan Drop off the turnbuckles.
   James Vandenberg then calls out the Barbarian and Meng. Out they come and
   Mortis and Wrath head for the hills.

   Nitro Girls, followed by a clip of Arn Anderson beating up Dustin Rhodes.
   I assumed at this point that shots of Johnny B. Badd and Steve Austin
   getting stomped on would follow.

 - Footage of Sting dumping Eric Bischoff and smiling is shown.

 - YUJI NAGATA vs. DEAN MALENKO
   Workrate fans were probably all set to rejoice, and were in some small
   respect rewarded. Malenko and Nagata put on a wrestling clinic, going
   through several minutes of solid mat wrestling (during which Tony
   Schiavone almost entirely ignores the match by running down the latest
   developments in all the important angles, such as the troubles between
   Lex Luger and Diamond Dallas Page). Malenko is just set to apply the
   Texas Cloverleaf when Jeff Jarrett and Debra McMichael come out. Malenko
   releases his hold and dumbly walks over to the apron and into a fist.
   ("Duh ... I see you ... why are you here?") Jarrett drops him throat-
   first across the ropes. Nagata then covers and gets the three count (with
   an assist from Jarrett, who is holding Dean's boot outside the ring).
   Nagata saves a little face by acting like he's not quite sure what
   happened.

   DDP gives Arn his props.

   This marked the end of the first hour and I've got to tell you: it stunk.
   Having to stretch to three hours they relied quite a bit on old video
   (and I'm not talking about the Anderson stuff). Arn's retirement speech,
   as well as the Sting recap took up several minutes of airtime. The only
   thing that didn't make it a total waste was the Anderson clips and the
   fact that none of the three matches stunk outright.

HOUR TWO Hosted By: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay and Larry Zbyszko.

 - Nitro Girls-first in the aisle then in the ring.

 - LA PARKA (w/ Sonny Onoo) vs. ULTIMO DRAGON
   In a continuing effort to hype the Saturday night show they make
   reference to an angle playing out there. Onoo holds up a photo of him
   using a sleeperhold on the Dragon from this past WCWSN.

   Nothing special here. Dragon has to wrestle down to La Parka's level.
   After a few minutes of lackluster mat action, (and a brief segment on the
   floor which included Dragon trying to suplex Onoo), the ref gets
   distracted by Onoo on the apron. La Parka grabs a chair and tries to
   whack the Dragon, but Ultimo ducks it and drop-kicks the chair into La
   Parka's face. Ultimo covers for the pin. He then scoopslams Onoo and
   applies a brief sleeperhold, which instantly renders Onoo unconscious.

   Clip of Arn giving an interview as Buddy Landell(?) looks on, circa 1985.
   
 - BUFF BAGWELL (w/ Vincent) vs. GLACIER
   Glacier still doesn't prove anything to me-especially that he should be
   called a "wrestler". He starts the match by missing two kicks. He then
   lands a kick, followed by three chop/clotheslines. After Bagwell gets in
   some offense, Glacier hits a kick from a prone position on the mat. Next
   comes a ... ? Right: a kick ... followed by another. He then does his
   first actual wrestling move: an armdrag. (Correct me if I'm wrong, but
   didn't Dennis Rodman do an armdrag ... once?) He holds on to the arm for
   an armbar, which takes about as much skill as breathing. Glacier then
   takes some more punishment, including some interference by Vincent.
   Glacier comes back briefly with what could be argued as his second
   wrestling move: a cross-bodyblock. Bagwell takes over again, but Glacier
   begins to approach the "Jim Duggan"-esque skill level by using a clothes-
   line. A kick, a chop, even a back bodydrop follow (wow, is he on a roll!)
   He then shifts gears by kicking Bagwell. After missing an unidentifiable
   move off the top, he scurries to the opposite side and totally blows a
   cross-body off the turnbuckles, getting almost no spring and hitting
   Bagwell in the knees. A spot follows where Bagwell and Vincent
   accidentally bonk heads. Glacier then with ... a kick. Vincent, on the
   apron, gets ... a kick. He then slams Bagwell's head into the turnbuckle,
   showing he's graduated to the "Lex Luger" level of ring mastery. He then
   tries a suplex of the turnbuckles (what ambition!) but fails due to
   interference by Vincent. Bagwell then hits the flying Blockbuster.
   Bagwell covers for the pin and for a brief, shining moment all is right
   in the world.

   Okay, so Glacier is a "wrestler" ... just a really bad one. His unbeaten
   streak of lame-ass "kick-to-the-head" singles wins comes to an end.

 - A video highlights package of "Rowdy" Roddy Piper is show. Not only does
   this kill a few minutes, but it probably tips us off that Piper will be
   returning soon to fail to get another clean victory over "Hollywood"
   Hogan.

 - LIZMARK, JR. vs. VILLANO IV
   Mike Tenay mentions that Rey Mysterio Jr. will not need surgery for his
   knee, according to doctor James Andrews. One of the sophisticated WCW
   fans can be heard yelling "Bor-ring!" For what it's worth, this was a
   not-so-bad match. Attention is completely diverted from the ring briefly
   as Raven is shown walking through the crowd. Compared to most lucha
   matches, this looked low impact and slow-mo. Lizmark looks like he's
   wrestling underwater. Villano IV makes a switch outside the ring with his
   compadre Villano V. Lizmark then gets the win with a nice springboard
   moonsault, followed by the pin. Villano IV then comes in and tries to
   tell the ref that it doesn't count since it was the wrong man. Action
   continues briefly as the ref waves in the air. Lizmark throws a drop-kick
   which misses by two inches, yet Villano IV sort-of sells (Schiavone has
   the brains to point out that it missed). The ref's wave is interpreted as
   "the decision stands" and the match stays finished.

 - Mean Gene Okerlund interviews Lex Luger. Just like last week, Luger says
   Page will come out and the two will clear the air between themselves. DDP
   doesn't show, and Luger leaves saying we'll see in the main event.

   Another clip of Arn is shown, this time dumping Bobby Eaton. Arn had
   apparently watched John Wayne's "McClintock" not long before this.

 - Nitro Girls. Suddenly the Disco Inferno appears and chases them off by
   dancing to them (as numerous wrestling "news" websites are forced to
   flush more "sources" down the toilet). Alex Wright's music starts up.
   "This isn't Disco!" Inferno informs us. Wright comes out and the two
   engage in a dancing contest, which degenerates into a shoving match.
   Disco is the first to blink, and scampers away to the back.

   One of my worst fears has been realized. The only thing that would be
   worse is if Rockabilly jumped ship to WCW and they made it a three way
   feud. Was it just me, or did it look like Disco really lost some weight?

 - ALEX WRIGHT vs. HUGH MORRUS
   Barely over the sting of being blatantly wrong about Disco Inferno going
   to the WWF, many of the "news" sites are zapped again by the reappearance
   of Hugh Morrus (also "guaranteed" to sign with the WWF).

   Morrus should have had no difficulty beating Wright, but instead Wright
   beats the hell out of Morrus for most of the match. (Didn't Wright beat
   Arn Anderson cleanly once back in 1994 or 1995? Bet they won't show that
   clip tonight). Morrus stages a comeback and is about to win when the
   Disco Inferno comes to ringside. Apparently forgetting which wrestler was
   the slim dancing Nazi he's supposed to feud with and which was the super-
   heavyweight psychotic madman, Disco attacks Morrus. The referee looks on
   as the two trade blows, declining to call for what should have been the
   obvious DQ. Morrus dumps Disco out of the ring. Wright then catches him
   with a spinning heel kick and covers for the pin with his feet CLEARLY ON
   THE TOP ROPES. Referee Randy Anderson ignores this and makes the three
   count anyway.

   This was either piss-poor execution, or will eventually figure in the
   Randy Anderson/Nick Patrick whining angle.

   Raven is shown sitting in the front row at ringside.

   Bobby "the Brain" Heenan says ten seconds isn't enough time to talk about
   Arn Anderson.

 - STEVIE RICHARDS vs. DAMIEN
   Raven attacks Damien as he approaches the ring: laying him out with a
   DDT. Raven then rolls him in the ring. Stevie and the ref both miss this.
   Seeing Damien down on the mat, Stevie begins to apply CPR. Raven jumps up
   on the apron and yells for Stevie to pin him, which he does.

   It's official: Richards is again a "clueless putz" and Raven's "flunky".
   Even Schiavone calls him a "lame-brain" and tells him to "get a clue!"

   Dean Malenko pays his respects to Arn.

   Hour two comes off as barely better than the first. They managed to
   squeeze in five matches this time, and again none of them were overly
   terrible (except for the last). Eight matches thus far and only one
   didn't involve some kind of screwy interference/foreign object finish.
   The Wright/Disco angle was the first spark of life, and was either a
   stroke of genius or a sure sign of the apocalypse, depending on your
   point of view.

HOUR THREE Hosted By: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay and Bobby Heenan.

 - Nitro Girls. Lee Marshall bit.

 - Mean Gene interviews Big Bubba, who says despite all the names he's had
   and outfits he's worn, his real name is Ray Traylor. (My brother and I
   engage in a series of "Traylor-trash" jokes). Traylor recounts his injury
   at the hands of a mystery assailant, and how "NWO 4 Life!" is a bunch of
   garbage, since the only thing he got from them was a Fed-Ex letter saying
   he was no longer needed by the NWO. Traylor is now a face, and will
   devote his life to crushing the NWO. He also spins a yarn about how he
   had to relearn how to walk, or something.

 - RAY TRAYLOR vs. PRINCE IAUKEA
   Squash. Traylor wins with the Sidewalk Slam.

   J.J. Dillon calls Arn an "Icon".

 - Mean Gene brings out the Four Horsemen ... or so he thinks. Out comes
   "Flair" and "Mongo". Behind a blonde wig and big fake nose it's Syxx.
   "Mongo" is really Konan made up to be a dead ringer for the football
   player: right down to a football which he tosses in the air. "Flair" is
   wearing a baby blue sweater with a shirt underneath (which isn't tucked
   in). Okerlund says he'll have no part of this "desecration" and leaves.
   "Flair" takes the mic and calls out "Curt Hennig", (mind you, by this
   time he's already "whooo!"-ed and yelled "Meeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan
   Geeeeeeeeeeeene!") Out comes Buff Bagwell playing the part of Hennig:
   chewing gum and carrying a towel (and looking more like DDP than Hennig).
   Tony, Mike and Bobby are mortified by this. The assembled skit moves to
   the ring, where "Flair" begins to put the "big" question to "Hennig"
   (letting out a "whoo!" at the end of every sentence). Schiavone begins to
   ask someone in the control truck to cut this off. "Hennig" tells "Flair"
   that he can't give him an answer (with "Flair" now "whoo!"-ing after each
   of "Hennig's" sentences). "Flair" bounces off the ropes and does a
   spastic little dance. "Flair" says he expected that, and brought someone
   to talk to him: "Arn Anderson". A seven foot tall "diesel"-powered "Arn"
   comes out with a huge beer gut, bald head, neck brace, glasses and
   carrying a styrofoam cooler. (Even Arn's distinctive walk is done
   perfectly). Schiavone is pleading for someone to put a stop to this.
   "Arn" says that the beer is on ice and "Flair" does another spastic
   strut. "Arn" says he watched the highlight tape of his career and thought
   to himself that he was "... average size, average speed, average
   quickness, average looks, average intelligence, average carpentry skills
   ... ". He says his left arm can no longer open a beer can. He says he
   went to the gym (though he didn't work out). He then went to a bar where
   a "fat broad" slapped him on the back, making him drop his beer. As he
   watched the beer spill out he lamented the loss of the $3.75 and the end
   of his career. "Arn" says that whenever he came to town it was not only a
   sign that he'd left an unpaid bar tab behind somewhere, but that he would
   also give 110% (no matter how drunk or hung over he was). He says the
   only thing he has to offer "Hennig" (since the beer is already spoken
   for) is "not a spot, not a liver spot, not a spot like your dog named
   spot: but MY SPOT!" (During all of this "Flair" has been weeping,
   shedding tears through the use a of some device which squirted water out
   of his sleeve as he put his hand to his eyes). "Hennig" replies to the
   offer by saying that even though he didn't like "Arn" or the 4 Horsemen,
   " ... it would be an HONOR!" The group then all remove their shirts to
   reveal t-shirts with four donkeys (or jack-asses) with a "IV" on their
   hind quarters. "Flair" continues to cry and strut across the ring. Tony
   says the reason security didn't come out to stop this was because they had
   their hands full in the lockerroom holding back the real Four Horsemen.
   Schiavone says he has some pull in regards to what airs on the weekend
   shows, and if he has his say this segment will never air again.

   Jeezus palomino ... was this hilarious! This was the funniest thing I've
   seen the NWO do (and perhaps all of WCW) since they wrestled Pez Whatley
   and Jo Jo Starbuck in an empty arena.

   Sound bite from Arn.

 - CHRIS JERICHO vs. CHAVO GUERRERO, JR.
   Eddie Guerrero comes out before the match can start and says he deserves
   to get this Cruiserweight Title shot. Scotty Riggs then appears and says
   he's the one that deserves the shot. Next out is Prince Iaukea, followed
   by Damien, Billy Kidman, Ciclope and Super Astro. Fists start to fly and
   an impromptu battle royal breaks out. Super Calo, Silver King and both
   Villano's join the fray. Billy Kidman does one of the most incredible
   moves I've ever seen by hitting a running Shooting Star Press from the
   apron to the floor on Eddie Guerrero. Alex Wright and Ultimo Dragon come
   out as well, and Ultimo slaps the Dragon Sleeper on Wright. Though no
   winner is declared, Jericho is the last man standing ... until attacked
   by Eddie Guerrero with the title belt. Guerrero does a Frog Splash onto
   the belt on Jericho's face.

   The Giant wishes Arn all the best.

 - "Hollywood" Hogan and Eric Bischoff come out for an interview. I feel my
   gorge rise as a strange fluid begins to seep from beneath Hogan's
   armpits. At first I thought he was lactating, but it appears that his
   deodorant was just melting. "Anything else would be less civilized?"

   Bischoff notes that Hogan has defended the title more times in the last
   year than Sting has even wrestled. They call out Sting, but he doesn't
   show. They then call out J.J. Dillon. Hogan says he has an answer for
   Sting and nails Dillon. He follows this up with several legdrops as
   Schiavone throws down his headset and refuses to call the action any
   more.

 - SCOTT HALL/RANDY SAVAGE (w/ Liz) vs. LEX LUGER/DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE
   Tony starts to lay the badmouth on WCW's officials, production people and
   wrestlers for not standing up and putting a stop to the NWO. The cut to
   a commercial before Luger and DDP come out. The match starts, goes for
   about a minute, and they take another commercial.

HOUR *FOUR* Hosted By: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay and Bobby Heenan.

   DDP and Hall wrestle most of the match, with Page completely ignoring his
   partner Luger. Tony and gang bemoan the fact that the NWO has again
   succeeded in driving a wedge into WCW. Page takes something like nine
   minutes of non-stop beating until he finally tags in Luger, who cleans
   house. The match (and show) essentially ends when Luger starts a series
   of reverse Atomic Drops on Hall. Page is leaning against the ropes, right
   behind Hall. Luger hits the Atomic Drop and Hall comes close to backing
   into Page. Luger does it again and again and again and again until Hall
   and Page are perfectly lined up. Luger then signals for the forearm and
   bounces off the ropes. Hall ducks (of course) and DDP is nailed. Savage
   then jumps Luger, but Lex hoists him up into the "Torture Rack".
   Meanwhile, Hall crawls on top of Page and referee Nick Patrick drops to
   make the three count. Upon hearing the bell, Luger thinks he's won, but
   learns that Patrick never saw the tag between he and Page and thus DDP
   was still the legal man.

   Schiavone asks in a sarcastic tone if next week's show will still be "WCW
   Nitro" or "NWO Nitro"? The show ends with Luger taking a long look at the
   half dead Diamond Dallas Page.

   The show ran several minutes over, for a total time of over three hours
   and six minutes.

 - Next week: Nothing announced.

Comments:

Hour three was a vast improvement over the first two, though not for actual
wrestling in the ring. Of the eleven matches scheduled, only ten actually
took place. Two of those were practically squashes, and the other eight had
screwy endings. This will be a night remembered for the angles. Billy
Kidman. in an incredibly rare Nitro appearance, becomes a top contender for
"Move of the Year".

After the beating WCW took this week, it looks like they may actually have a
shot of winning the Wargames match at Fall Brawl. They said three of the
four members of the WCW team have been chosen, though I don't think they
actually said who they were. I'm assuming that all us fans are supposed to
think Sting will be the fourth member, and that may be a possibility after
this week's attack on J.J. Dillon. I could see Dillon declaring next week
that Sting will be on the WCW team, and that Hogan must be on the NWO team.
They could do a stipulation stating that if Team WCW wins, then Sting gets
the title shot against Hogan at Halloween Havoc in October. The NWO getting
their own show would seem to be the likely stipulation if Team NWO wins. If
you want my wild prediction though, I'm betting that Sting is named to the
team, but refuses the spot since it isn't a one-on-one match. Team NWO then
wins, earning them the new show on TBS slated to start in January. Sting
then eventually wins the World War 3 60 Man Battle Royal and gets a shot at
Hogan at Starrcade, where he wins the title. (This is the theory I've
mentioned several times before).

It's odd that they mentioned Piper this week. There was no reason to run the
clips other than to either kill some time or remind the fans that he's still
in WCW. Supposedly the line-up for Halloween Havoc already has Hogan facing
Piper in a cage match there. This would fit in with the theory I mentioned
above. It wouldn't surprise me if Piper showed up on the 22nd-the night RAW
has their big Madison Square Garden show.

I really hope they don't do these three hour shows too often. There's just
too much filler thrown in to stretch out an average two hour show.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

WWF Friday Night's Main Event: (9/5/97)
Live/Taped: Taped 8/27/97.
Length: Two Hours.
Location: Chicago, Illinois.
Hosted By: Jim Ross and Dok Hendrix.

 - Show starts with a Jim Ross narrated clip playing up the Shawn Michaels/
   Hunter Hearst Helmsley association.

 - THE PATRIOT vs. OWEN HART
   I had high hopes for this match, but very little was delivered. After
   some flag waving by both the match starts up well enough with a series of
   arm locks and takedowns. Owen is quickly winded following a bodyslam (of
   which he is on the receiving end). The Patriot himself seems to run out
   of gas seconds later. (Bear in mind that this was the second match of the
   night for each from that TV taping). The next few minutes are consumed by
   some fairly dull back-and-forth action until they take a break. The match
   ends fairly quickly after they return, with Owen getting DQ'ed due to a
   run-in by the British Bulldog. The Patriot looked to be getting something
   of a second wind as the match wound down, but Owen looked pretty wrung
   out. Bret Hart comes out as well. As he applies the Sharpshooter to the
   Patriot Vader comes out and tosses the Bulldog against Owen. Vader then
   pulls Bret off the Patriot and sends him packing.

 - Commissioner Slaughter reads a prepared statement in which he announces
   that the WWF has "suspended" Steve Austin for his own good, due to his
   serious injuries. Austin will be forced to surrender his half of the
   World Tag Team Titles at the Ground Zero PPV.

   They then cut to the first part of a taped segment with Austin at his
   home in Texas. An unseen camera crew for the WWF shows up on his steps.
   Austin is pissed, wondering how they tracked him down, and is irate at
   the gall shown by the WWF in their treatment of him. Austin at first
   tells the camera crew to leave, then changes his mind and asks them to
   stay: he has something to show them. To be continued ...

 - Sunny comes out, shakes her thing in the ring, then takes a seat next to
   Jim Ross. (Like Jerry Lawler last week, Dok Hendrix begs Ross to swap
   seats with him).

   More from Texas: Austin comes from around the corner of his house with a
   hunting bow and a "care package" from the WWF. As a get well sentiment,
   the WWF sent him several autographed pictures: Jim Ross, Gorilla Monsoon,
   Vince McMahon. Austin points out that each was obviously signed by the
   same person. Austin then says the WWF is trying to cover their asses. He
   also vows revenge on Owen Hart. The autographed pictures are stuck on a
   stand-up deer target and Austin pumps arrows into each of the pictures.
   (Owen, fittingly enough, is hung on the deer's ass). Austin wraps up the
   piece proclaiming he will indeed be at Ground Zero. He has no problem
   giving up his half of the tag straps, but cain't no one take the
   Intercontinental Title away from him.

 - THE BRITISH BULLDOG vs. DUDE LOVE
   Ross starts to ask if Dude will forfeit his half of the titles also, or
   if he will seek to hold on to them somehow. Before Love can give much of
   an answer he's attacked from behind by the Bulldog. Jim Ross announces
   that the Headbangers will take Austin and Love's place at the PPV,
   assuring that there will be new Tag Team Champions.

   Another match with little memorable in the way of action. A commercial
   break is taken only a minute or so after it starts, then it only
   continues a few more minutes upon return. It spills in and out of the
   ring, but is for the most part uninspired. Dude hits the "Sweet SHIN
   Music", then double-arm DDT's the Bulldog. Owen Hart runs in, earning
   Dude the DQ win. Owen gets on the house mic and threatens to break Dude's
   neck (Like Austin's). In come the Legion of Doom for the save.

 - An overly long video package sets up an interview with Brian Pillman
   conducted by Sunny. Pillman delivers a classic, smutty double entendre-
   laden interview, using key words like "real hard", "swallow" and
   "cleaning my pipes". (He even mentions "taskmaster", which may be a shot
   at you know who). He holds up a little French maid's outfit which Marlena
   will have to wear should he win her "services" in the match with Goldust
   at the PPV. Sunny is barely able to keep a straight face.

 - Jim Ross interviews Bret Hart. Hart gives a solid, though standard
   interview saying that he's ready to take on all of the US's heroes, and
   that it's time for him to stop being so nice. Hart promises to end the
   Patriot's career.

 - Sunny interviews Rick Rude. Rude does the insurance thing, then mentions
   to Sunny what hotel he's staying at. On the subject of "protection", Rude
   says he has what Sunny may need, and starts to dig around in his pocket.
   Cut to commercial.

 - An unnecessary highlights package recaps what happened in the first hour,
   signaling the start of the second.

 - HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY (w/ Chyna) vs. THE UNDERTAKER
   An okay match, and a sign of what the Michaels/Undertaker match at Ground
   Zero may be like. After a very long entrance by the Undertaker, he takes
   control of the match by tossing Helmsley around like a rag doll.
   Helmsley, looking pretty much like Michaels, bumps his away around and
   out of the ring. A chase sequence allows Helmsley to get in a shot or
   two, but the Undertaker chokeslams him over the top rope (as in the
   background Rick Rude strolls to the ring). Rude's arrival distracts the
   Undertaker just enough to allow Helmsley to take advantage. Helmsley has
   a good long stretch on offense, but the Undertaker breaks it up with a
   big boot after a whip into the corner. He works on Hunter's arm and
   shoulder, then walks the top rope, landing a big fist to Hunter's head.
   A legdrop was in there somewhere as well. The Undertaker looks about set
   to make a pin attempt when Rude jumps up on the apron. The Undertaker is
   quickly up and catches Rude by the throat.

   Out comes Shawn Michaels, who slides into the ring and clips the
   Undertaker from behind, folding him up at the knees. Helmsley, Rude and
   Michaels all then stomp on him as Chyna picks up the chair (which
   Michaels had used to bust open the Undertaker, and had brought out with
   him, dropping it outside the ring as he slid in). Chyna uses the chair to
   hold the flood of officials who come out at bay. Michaels get the chair
   from her, setting up another head shot, but the Undertaker busts this up
   by tossing Rude and Helmsley aside (they had been holding him) and
   standing up. The ring now full of officials, Michaels takes off. The
   Undertaker snaps, chokeslamming Jerry Brisco, a security guy, and nailing
   a referee.

 - Sunny gets a quick word from Michaels as he's fleeing from the arena.
   As Shawn scurries along next to the line of WWF semi trucks outside, he
   tells Sunny that he's drawn first blood and will draw last blood. "If it
   bleeds, it can be destroyed!"

 - LEGION OF DOOM vs. LOS BORICUAS
   Quick, nothing of a match as the Godwinns are quick to come out. Animal
   goes over the top rope with a plancha, flattening the Godwinns. Out come
   the rest of the Boricuas, quickly followed by the Disciples of
   Apocalypse. The usual huge brawl ensues.

 - An interesting segment on the Patriot is show. Quick shot of his face
   without the mask are shown, and most of his comments have him shot from
   the nose down. Footage of him in Japan is shown (including a shot of Sabu
   amongst the Japanese stars). Video is also shown of him from his college
   football days. Good piece, showing he isn't just a guy with a goofy
   gimmick and mask.

   Jim Ross mentions Ahmed Johnson should be back in action in three weeks,
   which may coincide with the big MSG RAW on the 22nd.

 - KEN SHAMROCK vs. SALVATORE SINCERE
   Shamrock has no trouble putting away the goombah with an ankle twist
   submission. Sincere-*sigh!*-"taps out". I can't really call this a
   squash, as Sincere gets in quite a few good moves, including a Northern
   Lights Suplex. Shamrock does a powerslam and huracanrana. The match even
   went to the floor briefly.

 - They run a package of clips featuring the various Light Heavyweights that
   have competed in the WWF lately. Taka Michinoku and Brian Christopher
   seem to get top billing.

 - SCOTT PUTSKI vs. STEVE CASEY
   Since I'm about at that point where I can keep typing or go home and get
   some sleep, let me just put down that Putski won with the Polish Hammer.

 - Sunny interviews Paul Bearer. Bearer questions Vader's loyalties, then
   mentions Kane.

 - INTERROGATOR (W/ The Truth Commission) vs. SONNY ROGERS/JERRY FOX
   The "seven foot tall" Interrogator squashes the two jobbers without
   showing one lick of wrestling ability.

 - Steve Austin caps off the broadcast by taking a sawed-off shotgun to the
   autographed pictures. "Here you go, Vince!" *Blam!* "Take that, Monsoon!"
   *Ka-pow!* "Suck on this, Owen!" *Ker-blam!* (Those weren't his exact
   words, but you get the idea).

 - Next week: Bret "Hitman" Hart vs. Vader in a "No Holds Barred" match.
   
Comments:

Just like last week, the show went really downhill at the end, once again
closing out the night with a Truth Commission match.

I forgot to mention it last week, and it was apparent again this week: no
Vince McMahon. I'm assuming he was either backstage making sure the taping
went smoothly, or didn't even make the trip since it wasn't necessary for
him to be at the desk.

Something also occurred to me last week, and again this week, though I forgot
to mention it: is it just me, or did the WWF drag the old "heat machine" out
of retirement? Several portions of both shows sounded like they had canned
audio over particularly dull spots. There was one spot in particular where
the crowd noise didn't seem to match what could be seen of the fans in the
shot, and it was punctuated by the blare of an air horn. An air horn?! This
is wrestling, not a soccer match! It could also have been some kind of side
effect of taping the crowd noise alone, then adding in the voice-over
commentary later. It's possible they boosted the sound level in spots where
the crowd had died down a bit, and the overlaying voice track made it sound
artificial. Or something. I know WCW on occasion cranks up the sound they
pull off the crowd, making it seem much louder than it really is. (The WWF
may have done the same here-and probably does so on a regular basis already).
WCW also on occasion turns the crowd noise down, especially in instances
when they want to cover over something that is being chanted.

I liked the interviews, but the matches mostly served to overexpose us to
the crop of top wrestlers. I really wish that, by necessity, the WWF didn't
have to keep showing them over and over every week. It would be nice if
they had a bigger roster of quality midcarders that we could watch every
week, with the big guys doing mostly PPV's and the occasional TV match. This
would make those matches more special on the big shows. The problem with the
WWF right now is that they just don't have the talent to do it, and those
they do have are guys like the Truth Commission. *Ugh!* Maybe when Mero
comes back, and they bring in Brakus and the Light Heavyweights things will
change a bit. And, of course, an actual TAG TEAM division would be nice too.
Things might look a bit more like WCW (who definitely has the talent, they
just waste them by putting them in bad matches).

Here's a thought: do a major angle with ECW. Let Paul E. get commitments
from those guys he wants to make sure to keep, while the WWF agrees not to
"recruit" any of them away until after their commitment time is over. Bring
about a half dozen (or more) of the ECW guys in to do a major invasion
angle. They wrestle for ECW on the weekends and for the WWF on Mondays (and
Tuesdays for tapings). Maybe an occasional big house show. Paul E. gets the
security of keeping them due to the agreement, while the WWF pays good money
for their use. The WWF can then send some of their guys to the ECW Arena
(and I'm talking good ones now) for a few of their TV tapings and the next
PPV or two. The ECW wrestlers can't complain because they'll get good money
from the WWF, while still being under contract and representing ECW. The WWF
guys can't really complain because there's still lots of time to showcase
everyone else. (It's not like any of them can take a "moral high ground"
stance and refuse to work with the ECW guys. What are they gonna do, go to
WCW? The same situation practically exists there already anyway). Make the
jobs on both sides even out. Of course the major sticking points in all this
are the fact that Vince simply hates to job his guys to anyone in a "lesser"
promotion, while Paul E. would have to make sure the Smoky Mountain
situation isn't repeated. Throw the USWA guys into the mix, as well as the
Japanese and Mexicans they could bring in, and the WWF starts to look pretty
interesting damned quick! The WWF would only have to devote maybe a half
hour of RAW to this angle every week, leaving a good 90 minutes to divide up
between the top angles and the midcard stuff. It would also be a great
impetus to start that new Friday night show the USA Network has supposedly
expressed interest in. There are also enough other shows in Live Wire,
Superstars and Shotgun to make sure all this stuff has room to play out.

Just a thought. (Hell, if all this stuff about Tod Gordon and ECW is true,
then WCW themselves just tried this angle; though they tried to take the
easy route and just hire the ECW wrestlers away lock, stock and barrel).

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Bottom Line:

This week's show served as an okay build-up to Ground Zero, it's just too
bad that so few people probably saw it. It's actually a fairly strong card,
with a ton of potential to shake things up.

With no real clear challenger set up for Bret Hart following this PPV, I
wouldn't rule out the possibility of the Patriot winning the belt, setting
up a rematch next month (or perhaps earlier on a RAW).

The LOD should win the tag belts, but I'm tired of predicting that and being
wrong, so I won't bother to try and back it up.

I'm pretty sure Pillman will win. On the surface this should be a no-
brainer, though there's this little voice in the back of my head that says
"maybe all this stuff with the dress has been part of jobbing Pillman out".
It's hard to ignore the old tenets of "Booking 101".

Over to the Fall Brawl PPV. With a week to go, I still have no idea what the
point of this card is. I only know a few of the matches, and that's because
I saw a few minutes of "WCW Main Event" yesterday. It looks just like an
average Nitro to me: Jarrett vs. Malenko ... Faces of Fear vs. Mortis/Wrath
... Steiners vs. Harlem Heat ... Wright vs. Ultimo Dragon ... and so on.
I've heard the three members named for Team WCW three times now and I STILL
can't remember who they are. They haven't even named team NWO yet. Until
they drop whatever bombshell it is that they're going to drop this Monday
regarding the match, there's no point to it (other than a pretty weak chance
to see the NWO maybe lose a match). Since the only way to win it is by
submission, the finish to it should be pretty obvious once the actual match-
up is announced (since hardly anybody on either team will job). I'm assuming
that we fans are still supposed to think that Sting and Hogan will be in it.
It wouldn't surprise me if they still don't clear it up on Monday, thus
making you wait until the match at the PPV itself to be disappointed by
Sting not appearing. I also wouldn't rule out J.J. Dillon bringing in Roddy
Piper and having him run the team, and forcing Hogan to be on the NWO team.
It's a pretty moot point anyway as the Wargames match itself hasn't been any
good since 1993 or so.

In one respect both PPV's are similar in that they both serve as a jumping
off point for the next few months in both fed, setting up the angles for
most of the remainder of the year. Of the two, though, the WWF looks like
they will be the one to take the most advantage of the situation. With WCW,
it looks like the most significant thing that will happen is that we will
learn who Hogan's opponent for Halloween Havoc will be. Other than that,
things in WCW the following night on Nitro will probably look just as they
did the week before (and the week before that, and the week before that ... )

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

This Week's Winner: Nitro.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Slobberknocker Central" and "Monday Night Recap" are copyright 1997 by
John Petrie, and all opinions expressed therein are his own, and not those
of Internet Access, Inc.
Volume One, Number 94 of the "Monday Night Recap", September 1st & 5th, 1997.