[RESULTS/OPINION] WCW Monday Nitro/WWF RAW is WAR (06/30/97) [Slobberknocker Central Monday Night Recap #85] (06/30/97) WCW Monday Nitro: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Two Hours+. Location: Las Vegas, Nevada. HOUR ONE Hosted By: Tony Schiavone, Larry Zbyszko and Mike Tenay. - No teaser this week. The opening runs, then Tony immediately goes over to Mean Gene Okerlund. Mean Gene brings out Ric Flair. Flair is escorted by two ladies carrying (half) a mannequin wearing a kilt (Piper's music plays). Flair says this is all left of Piper after a night out with the ladies. One of them asks why he's called "Hot Rod"? And so on. The crowd chants for Piper. - Tony mentions that Chris Jericho won the Cruiserweight Title "the other night". For all it's hype, the "Saturday Nitro" show in Las Vegas gets almost no mention, even though they promised to talk all about it for the last several weeks. - CHRIS JERICHO vs. JUVENTUD GUERRERA A painfully long match that swung back and forth from impressive to sloppy. Juventud blows a springboard move early on, which seems to throw both men off briefly. Tony, Larry and Mike are too busy talking about tonight's "impact player" to commentate all that much on this match, as well as Dennis Rodman, the NWO, Luger and the Giant, Sting, and most everything else coming up in the show. Guerrera blows yet another springboard, but that may have been deliberate, as he misses a wide open Jericho and lands short, flat on his back. Jericho misses a move and ends up on the floor. Juventud hits a nice looking plancha, then follows it up with a bad looking 450 degree forward somersault off the top (his feet hit too early, draining away all the impetus of his upper body and making the splash look weak). Jericho finally puts him away with a super huracanrana off the top, followed by his new lazy looking Boston Crab. Sloppy match, with the crowd only reacting during the high spots. Afterwards, Jericho tells Mean Gene how proud he is to have brought back one of WCW's titles from the NWO. This brings out Syxx, who tells Jericho that he is still the champion, and will give him another shot ... and slaps him. The two start slapping and pulling hair like a couple a broads, so WCW decides to cut to commercial. Back from the break, the two have been pulled apart. Alex Wright shows up out of nowhere to hog some mic time and basically says WCW has been holding him back because he's German, and good looking. - DEAN MALENKO vs. EDDY GUERRERO Not much of a match. Good intense action, but it only lasts for a painfully short time as Chavo Guerrero Jr. comes to ringside. Chavo jumps up on the apron and distracts Malenko. Chavo seems to be saying he's on Dean's side, but who knows? Eddy charges Dean from behind, slamming him into Chavo. Chavo drops to the floor as Eddy suplexes Dean, then finishes him off with the Frog Splash. Total blow-off match. Eddy helps his nephew out yelling "I'm back!" I can't believe they are blowing off a Guerrero/Malenko feud to promote a Guerrero/Guerrero feud. - Rey Mysterio Jr. comes out and challenges Kevin Nash to a match later in the show. Make up your own joke here, I just don't have the strength. Nash comes out and accepts. - Eric Bischoff rides halfway to the ring on an NWO Harley. (Too bad the WWF beat him to this by about five minutes). Hogan follows on foot and gives an interview in the ring. Hogan manages to mention every current NWO catch phrase, and use every silly nickname he's made up for the other wrestlers over the last few years. Hogan says the NWO is going to "raise some Cain", which I'm sure is just a coincidence. Hogan covers every base, insulting Luger and the Giant, Sting, Diamond Dallas Page, and even Mysterio. Massive time killer. - HECTOR GARZA vs. STEVEN REGAL Hey, Regal is the TV Champ! I had completely forgotten. Regal has a new ring outfit. He is again mismatched with someone who is best described as a cruiserweight. They do some nice mat moves, reverses and such, but Garza's few high spots never look very good. Garza, in his third Nitro match, does the corkscrew plancha off the top to the floor, for the third time. This was his worst one yet, as he barely makes any contact with Regal (though Regal sells it like he's been run over by a rhino). Garza does a drop-kick off the top which looked good, and follows with a nice springboard moonsault in the ring, but Regal brings up his knees. Regal makes him submit with an STF-Garza "tapping out". WCW, wholly inspired by the WWF and UFC, continues to put submission moves over. - The Steiner Brothers come out for an interview. They demand a title shot from the Outsiders. Hall, Nash, and most of the rest of the NWO, come out. Hall just happens to have a contract with it, and the Steiners sign it without reading it. After the Steiners walk off, Hall points out that the Steiners have in fact signed to wrestle Masahiro Chono and the Great Muta. They don't say where or when. Couldn't they have just made this match? Did they have to make the Steiners look like absolute morons in the process? - PSYCHOSIS (w/ Sonny Onoo) vs. SUPER CALO A few high spots do not a good match make. After taking turns at a few moves, with a little interference by Onoo thrown in, Psychosis wins when Calo tries to suplex him in from the apron. Onoo grabs Calo's foot, and Psychosis falls on top, getting the pin. After the match, La Parka runs in to make the obligatory attack with the tricked-up wooden chair. Juventud Guerrera runs in to make the save, but instead of attacking, he starts to run the ropes. He leaps on La Parka and does that whirling scissors move where he spins around an opponent's body, yet does nothing, which looks breathtakingly pointless. He then utilizes some kind of mental power to befuddle Psychosis and draw him into drop-kicking La Parka. I kid you not. This hour was all Mexicans and NWO. Remember that the next time you gripe about seeing the Hart Foundation too much. HOUR TWO Hosted By: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. - VICIOUS & DELICIOUS/MASAHIRO CHONO vs. THE HORSEMEN (w/ Debra McMichael) Flair, Steve McMichael and Chris Benoit comprise the Horsemen. In case you missed it, "Vicious & Delicious" are Buff Bagwell and Scott Norton. Mike Tenay ridiculously asserts that this may be the strongest Horsemen unit ever. This match had some interesting moments, but was plagued by the fact that it didn't mean anything. Benoit gets a good opportunity to show just how much better he is than everyone else in the ring (and WCW in general). The match quickly degenerates into a six-man brawl. Vincent runs in to save his NWO teammates, earning them a DQ. McMichael knocks Vincent out of the ring with the briefcase. - They run a highlights package of the Benoit/Kevin Sullivan feud, hyping the Bash at the Beach. - MORTIS/WRATH (w/ James Vandenburg) vs. RAGE & CHAOS Match lasts about a minute. Glacier and Ernest Miller come to ringside, distracting Wrath and Mortis, allowing the rookies to win. - A white limo pulls up. The WCW cameraman at first stays way back as the announcers speculate as to whether or not it's the "impact player". The limo door opens. By the time the cameraman decides to move in, the door closes again. - Lee Marshall wastes my time. - They cut to a shot of Raven sitting in the crowd. They call him Raven. They blatantly lie by saying he's been a world champion in numerous organizations around the world. They wonder if he was the one in the limo. The crowd makes absolutely no reaction: not even those people sitting right next to him. They conclude that he may not only be the "impact player", but may also be Diamond Dallas Page's partner at Bash at the Beach. - JEFF JARRETT vs. KONAN This match was neither good nor bad, just boring, and most everyone was watching the corners of the screen to see what extracurricular activity would take place. On cue, Ric Flair comes to the ring. Konan gets distracted and falls victim to the Figure Four, though he does manage to reverse it. Jarrett reverses it back, and gets a little leverage help from Flair to gain the win. Mean Gene then comes out to conduct an interview as the rest of the Horsemen assemble. After Jarrett rattles on about how strong the Horsemen are, Flair gives him his walking papers, telling him he's out of the Horsemen. Even Debra tells him to beat it. Jarrett leaves, threatening revenge. Other than "Whoo!"-ing along with Flair, the crowd reacts very little. At least they finally got rid of Jarrett. - They recap the numerous heinous beatings that Mysterio has suffered at the hands of Kevin Nash. The Brain calls Mysterio "loco!" - KEVIN NASH vs. REY MYSTERIO JR. Nash annihilates Mysterio, tossing him around, jackknifing him a couple of times. He steps on him for the pin. Nash then knocks out the ref. They show Konan watching from the entryway. Nash jackknifes him again, which brings Konan to the ring. Nash nods at him, and Konan slaps a leg hold on Mysterio. Rey cries out like the little boy he practically is. This would appear to be Konan's initiation into the NWO, and yet another excuse for Mysterio to take time off and finally get that knee surgery he needs. (How many times do they have to beat him up before he goes and takes care of that?) Somewhere, Jennifer Aniston cries in the night. After the commercial they show Mysterio being carted out by paramedics. - Mike Tenay tries to get a few words with Raven, but Raven plays the moody slacker and says nothing. The crowd seems to have little idea who he is. - HALL/NASH/RANDY SAVAGE (w/ Liz) vs. LEX LUGER/GIANT/DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE Throughout the show Schiavone had been saying that Hall, Nash and Hogan would be in the match. The good guys come out with Kimberly, and waste a few minutes huddling up, discussing strategy. WCW cuts to a commercial. Luger, the Giant and DDP try to enter the ring, but the NWO keeps knocking them back. The Giant can be seen barely selling any of Nash's blows, which is mighty interesting if the rumors are true. Things finally get going, but there's never even the semblance of an actual match, just a six-man brawl. Page fights with Savage, Hall with Luger, and Nash with the Giant (who does appear to be cooperating after all). After a few minutes Hogan comes to the ring and nails Luger with the WCW World Title belt. The rest of the NWO soon follow and the same old, same old takes place. The camera cuts to the crowd and we see Sting, (or I should say, we see a clearly fake Sting). Moments later the real Sting drops down from the rafters. A scrawl at the bottom of the screen indicates they will run over tonight. Then Curt Hennig walks to the ring. Then Raven hops over the railing. Everyone looks at everyone ... and the show ends. - Matches for next week: None announced. Comments: Hardly anyone in the crowd seemed to even notice Hennig walking to the ring, and those that can be seen looking at him don't seem to be reacting all that wildly to his presence. Raven gets a word of encouragement from a guy next to him, but again few seem to notice his entrance. In case you hadn't yet heard, nothing happened after the cameras went off the air. Raven walked out through the crowd, while Hennig walked back down the aisle. The NWO had left first, so Hennig was midway between them and the WCW crew. After a few moments, the WCW guys chased off the NWO, and Hennig walked out by himself. Hennig would seem to have been the "impact player" promised, and both he and Raven were teased as DDP's partner for the PPV. Does anyone else feel WCW really botched this? Never mind the fact that they jerked us around by making us wait two hours and six minutes to see him: that was to be expected. No, what I mean is that his appearance didn't really spark a big rating for Nitro. They earned a 3.3 this week, which was just barely above last week's score. Their first hour number was a 3.0, up from last week, but their second hour number was a 3.6, which I believe was down from last week. I haven't seen the quarterly breakdowns yet, but they must not have pulled in too big a number for the last fifteen minutes, or else the rest of the second hour would have to have been really low (to get an average of 3.6). The funny thing is that Hennig's actual moment of arrival wasn't even counted in the ratings, since they had already run into the next hour, and it's my understanding that anything less than ten minutes doesn't get counted for that quarter hour. It's probably no coincidence that Hennig didn't come out until RAW was actually off the air, but as I said, it didn't seem to pay off. Except for the absence of Dennis Rodman and Roddy Piper, this was about as big a show as WCW could put on. Don't worry, they won again in the rating, but by nowhere near as big a margin as they must have hoped for (RAW got a 2.5 for the blah show they put on, which was up from their score of last week). Ratings and surprises aside, this was a fairly typical show. They did make some of it seem fresh though, yet there were far too many appearances by the Mexican wrestlers and the NWO. Apparently WCW feels the Cruiserweights and the NWO are their two biggest selling points, and they flooded the show with them. Add in Flair, as he made three appearances too. Overall, this show was completely boring during the live airing, and I watched very little of it. If the end of RAW hadn't been so bad (and it hadn't actually ended first), I would never have even seen Hennig until the replay. Look for WCW to be just as vague next week regarding Raven's and Hennig's motives, thus forcing the fans to buy the PPV the following Sunday. My guess is that either Raven will be DDP's partner, or Raven will pretend to be his partner, turn on him, which will bring out Sting. I have a feeling Hennig isn't scheduled to wrestle right off the bat, if ever. He looks about in the same shape as he was when he left the WWF, which frankly wasn't all that great. Speaking of Raven, what use is he in WCW? His two year feud with Tommy Dreamer is all the kept him going in ECW. That, and some numerous well received bloody brawls and a bevy of scantily clad women surrounding him. He now enters WCW without the Dreamer feud, no half nekkid women, and is no longer able to wrestle his style of match. Raven is only a so-so wrestler, but a good brawler-a talent which there is little call for in WCW. I also have serious doubts as to whether his character and interview style will be that over with the WCW fans. Raven is a square peg in a company full of round holes. It'll be interesting to see how hard WCW has to work to pound him down the fans' throats. Some sources are claiming Mike Tyson was supposed to be on the show, but the appearance was canceled (for obvious reasons). Some say Tyson was supposed to attend the show, but wasn't scheduled to appear on camera. I personally think some websites out there are trying to cover themselves, though I wouldn't rule out WCW floating the story themselves, since no one can really disprove it (other than Tyson himself or his people, and why would they even bother?). Other things we didn't see: Shaquille O'Neal, Arn Anderson, or any footage from the Saturday Nitro, even though they said last week cameras would be there to tape the event. I'd also note that the "impact player" wasn't Shawn Michaels as endlessly speculated, nor did Jose Lothario appear, as was rumored early Monday. Speaking of the Saturday Nitro card, they drew somewhere around 10,000 people according to Terry Taylor on the WCW hotline (as reported by Bob Ryder). The WWF, in Anaheim, drew 12,000, according to Taylor. Let me just extend a hearty middle finger a la "Stone Cold" to all those who had predicted that WCW would draw bigger, even though it was widely reported last week that the WWF had sold more tickets for a larger total gate. ("But WCW is expected to win ... " according to numerous websites). I am withholding my other middle finger until I hear a confirmation on the final numbers. The WWF also apparently sold out of Mankind and Bret Hart t-shirts, and only didn't sell out of "Austin 3:16" shirts because they had brought extra. [NOTE: 7/4/97 - It has since been brought to my attention that WCW now claims, via Mike Tenay on the WCW Hotline, that WCW in fact won the Saturday night battle. The numbers: WCW at the Forum in Los Angeles, CA: Total Attendance - 11,000. Paid Attendance - 9,700. Total Gate - $190,000. WWF at the Arrow Head Pond in Anaheim, CA: Total Attendance - 9,400. Paid Attendance - under 8,400. Total Gate - $150,000. If these numbers are correct, then WCW sold something like 2,400 tickets on Friday and Saturday, while the WWF had 200 fans refund theirs. (They had reportedly been tied at about 8,600 tickets sold on Thursday). The WWF's gate is also mysteriously less now than what had been estimated last week. Now, I doubt WCW would lie to us all (even though they already did via Terry Taylor), nonetheless, some web sources are sticking by the original estimate. Me, I don't give a damn one way or the other. I'd just note that: 1. Both shows did pretty damn good. 2. There's a lot of WCW marks reporting the news these days. While everything the WWF says is viewed with skepticism, a lot of people will take anything WCW says as gospel. Look for Bob Ryder, The Torch and the Observer to accept WCW's figure without hesitation.] ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WWF RAW is WAR: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Two Hours+. Location: Des Moines, Iowa. HOUR ONE Hosted By: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler. - Sweeping, majestic music swells as they recap the relationship between Paul Bearer and the Undertaker. - KEN SHAMROCK vs. HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY (w/ Chyna) They show brief clips of Shamrock in the UFC, reminding us that ABC called him "The World's Most Dangerous Man". Cut to Helmsley in the back, where Chyna says she is the world's most dangerous woman. Word has it that Shamrock had been using a Frankensteiner at the house shows last week. We'd see nothing that spectacular here. They trade takedowns and holds until Helmsley gets "dirty" by going to the eyes. Helmsley then works him over in the corner, prompting the referee to pull Helmsley's hair when Hunter ignores the ref's order to break. Later, when Shamrock is thrown to the floor, Chyna throws him into the ring steps. Mankind then appears, distracting Helmsley long enough for Shamrock to belly-to-belly suplex him. Shamrock gets the pin, in a match where he did nothing but show he can take punishment. That may not be a bad thing, but it didn't make for an exciting match. Mankind's appearance did nothing but build on a feud that I have absolutely no interest in. Hopefully Mankind will beat him this Sunday and that will be the end of it (but I doubt it). Oh yeah, after the match Mankind sits in the ring and rocks back and forth. Shamrock moves over to talk to him, but nothing happens and they cut away to the announcing desk. - They run a lengthy package of highlights detailing Ahmed Johnson's heel turn, including the arrival of the Disciples of Apocalypse. Then they show comments from Ahmed taped last Friday. They show the stitches on his knee from last Thursday's operation, and Ahmed promises to take on the Undertaker upon his eventual return. - New WWF interviewer Michael Cole gets comments from the Legion of Doom. - Sunny flashes her cleavage and fondles a casket full of money. Some things about RAW are still great. - NATION OF DOMINATION vs. LEGION OF DOOM I'm going to skip a whole lot of nothing here and merely mention that following interference by the Godwinns, the NOD wins. The LOD nails D-Lo with the Doomsday device, but Henry Godwinn hits Hawk with his slop bucket while the ref isn't looking. Faarooq then pushes D-Lo aside and covers for the pin. The LOD take off after the Godwinns, then Faarooq calls McMahon into the ring. Faarooq and D-Lo accuse McMahon and the WWF of being racist for not giving himself or Kama the title shot in Ahmed's place at In Your House. Faarooq says Vader got the title shot because he's white, and the NOD is black. Faarooq then claims the DOA (Disciples) are lackeys of the Undertaker sent to take out Ahmed. Suddenly Savio Vega appears on the ramp with a mic. Just like Crush, he says he isn't fired from the NOD because he quit. Savio then calls to the back and three more Hispanics (one of them Miguel Perez) run out, and the four of them attack the NOD. Just when things seemed as if they couldn't get more out of control, Crush and his Disciples ride in on their Harleys, and a massive twelve-man brawl explodes. WWF referees, officials, and even uniformed security men fill the ring to break up the melee. As soon as Savio appeared, I asked my brother "wouldn't it be funny if Savio brought out his own Puerto Rican gang to fight the NOD?" When they appeared, all dressed in white like milkmen, I apologized to my brother. "I didn't mean it! I'm sorry!" Be careful what you "wish" for ... Actually, the brawl looked impressive, and the crowd really seemed into the DOA's gimmick. - Michael Cole interviews Savio and his gang, which he calls "Los Bariquas" (spelling?) which the closed captioning translated as "Lost Boys". As I said above, one of them is Miguel Perez (unmistakable by his shiny fur coating). Another looks vaguely familiar, but I haven't yet been able to place him. The fourth I never got a good look at. - Sunny runs around half nekkid again. This time they have photos of a "secret rendezvous" between her and Brian Pillman. More can be learned by purchasing the latest issue of the RAW Magazine. - SCOTT PUTSKI vs. BRIAN CHRISTOPHER They show clips of "The Polish Hammer" Ivan Putski beating up the likes of Greg "The Hammer" Valentine. Just as they showed clips of Putski's father, they then show clips of Christopher's "mentor": Jerry Lawler. Lawler again ducks the question as to whether or not he's Christopher's father. Ross mentions that this is a Light Heavyweight match, and the Great Sasuke is another Light Heavyweight coming in, promising clips of him later in the show. Good match. Putski starts off manhandling Brian, but Brian comes back with a sweet looking forward legsweep/headlock face-smasher kind of deal. He then hits him with a drop-kick to the back of the head off the second rope, flawlessly executed. I'll say one thing: this Christopher can wrestle! He follows that with a belly-to-belly suplex, with his head tucked in Putski's armpit. He whips Putski into the corner, then charges after with a shoulderblock. He then goes for a standing huracanrana, but Putski turns it into a powerbomb. Putski comes back with a series of clotheslines, then a big splash off the top. Jerry Lawler yells "wait a minute!" and jumps on the ring apron. Putski gets distracted, allowing Christopher to nail him from behind with a double axehandle. Brian then starts to whip him into Lawler, but Putski reverses it and Christopher crashes into him instead. Lawler flies off the apron and smacks his head into the table. Putski then scoops Christopher up for a slam, but Lawler grabs his foot and Putski trips. Christopher tucks him up for the small package and the pin. Putski tries to exact a little revenge against Christopher with a post- match beating, but Lawler joins in and the two beat on him, Lawler applying a spike piledriver with an assist by Christopher off the turnbuckles. Lawler and Christopher then work the crowd over the mic, telling Putski to go home to his dad, and calling him a "dumb pollack". Putski isn't all that good, but he's got that Ultimate Warrior thing going for him. The crowd reacted well to both men, and the match as well. Wouldn't it be funny if Putski brings in his dad to fight Lawler? (Uh-oh, I didn't say that, did I ... ) - They show a clip of Steve Austin in the ECW doing his Hulk Hogan imitation, which is pretty funny. Rush out and but "Cause Stone Cold Said So!" right now! Do it! - The Undertaker from the back, begging the fans to wait until they hear his own side of the story, because what Paul Bearer will be telling them is lies and half-truths. - They show clips of the Great Sasuke in action, hyping his match against Taka Michinoku at the upcoming In Your House. I've got about a half dozen Sasuke matches on tape and they are all spectacular. - "LOOSE CANNON" BRIAN PILLMAN vs. MANKIND Didn't we all see this match two weeks ago and hate it? Pillman, who practically had his leg shattered in an auto accident a year ago, has wrestled more in the last three weeks that Hulk Hogan has this year. They mention Pillman's attack on a "fan" on Shotgun last week. Pillman has been fired as announcer on that show. They then run comments from Pillman, where instead of making an apology as he was ordered to by Gorilla Monsoon, he sinks pretty low by bringing up the Mike Tyson bite, saying he will bite off Mankind's other ear. Mankind is wearing the "Pick Me Steve" sign again, which is still pretty funny. He gives Jim Ross a present: a gift wrapped box with a rubber severed hand that looks like Mankind's. Before they even bother to try and explain that sick joke, Pillman attacks Mankind. Pillman goes after Ross, and both he and McMahon yell at him. They get quick comments from Steve Austin via split-screen. Austin says he doesn't give a rat's ass about Mankind, and he expects Shawn Michaels to be his partner again. Noticeable in the background-the only things hanging on the wall of his lockerroom-are his leather vest, his World Tag Team Title belt, and an ECW t-shirt. Hmm ... Pillman has been stomping on Mankind. Mankind strikes back as the camera cuts to Hunter Hearst Helmsley and Chyna approaching the ring. They cut to a commercial. (During the break they run an ad for Jackie Chan's next movie, "Operation Condor". I already have this sucker on tape, since it came out in Hong Kong several years ago. It's pretty good). The match spills to the floor. Pillman hits Mankind with the ring bell, then posts him. Pillman grabs a pencil, but the ref stops him from using it. They go back in and out of the ring. Mankind charges Pillman, but Brian moves, and Mankind smacks into the steps. Pillman then pulls "a Mike Tyson" by biting Mankind. McMahon calls for Pillman to be suspended or fined. Mankind comes back, pulling Pillman spread-legged into the post. Mankind then tries to get Pillman's boot off, but the ref stops him. Back in the ring, Mankind whips him into the ropes, but Pillman's ankle gives out. Mankind then moves in to apply the Mandible Claw. He slaps it on, but then breaks it to fight off an attack by Helmsley and Chyna. Mankind gets Helmlsey in the Claw, but is hit from behind by Pillman, who had taken off his boot to use as a weapon. Pillman then holds Mankind as Hunter retrieves a chair. Hunter whacks Pillman by accident when Mankind moves. Mankind then chases Helmsley off with the chair, but suffers a countout loss in the process. Mankind yells for Helmsley over the mic. Better than their last RAW match, I'll say that. Paul Bearer promises an end to the Undertaker, closing out the first hour. Overall, a good-but not great-first hour. A lot happened, but nothing really earth shattering. At this point, I was hoping for a "ba-da-boom!" second hour. HOUR TWO Hosted By: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler. - Paul Bearer comes out to reveal the Undertaker's secret. As he reaches the ring, he is attacked by a female fan dressed in black. The camera switches away, so we don't get to see too much. As far as the secret itself, I'm going to condense this quite a bit. I may do a transcript at some point in the future (but don't hold your breaths): Twenty years ago, Bearer was an apprentice at a funeral home owned and operated by the Undertaker's parents. The Undertaker had a younger brother named Cain, who emulated everything the Undertaker did. Bearer says the Undertaker was a wild, unruly child. He and his brother used to sneak out behind the mortuary for smokes. One day the Undertaker burned down the mortuary, killing his family. He calls him a murderer. "A god- damned murderer!" (Which gets blanked out-even on the closed captioning). That's it. That's the secret. The lights flickered, and thunder sounded as they cut to a break. When they come back, Paul Bearer is in the back being congratulated by Vader. They then show the casket full of money again, this time by Sable and "Wildman" Marc Mero. They show the first clue for the SummerSlam million dollar sweepstakes, which consisted of a brief clip of Helmsley driving a car, leaving it with valet parking, and a guy in a bad smoking jacket pointing to a key. I have no idea what it means (and wouldn't tell you even if I did. I want a shot at that million!). - THE HEADBANGERS vs. OWEN HART/THE BRITISH BULLDOG This could have been a great match, but it comes off very average. They show a clip of the Headbangers goofing it up with an east coast TV weatherman. Bret "Hitman" Hart phones in from Canada, expressing his eagerness to return at In Your House. Owen gets the pin on one of the Headbangers. I still can't tell which one is Mosh and which is Thrasher. Jim Cornette then appears on the ramp and congratulates the Hart Foundation. He then says he's brought in a tag team, though it's too late for them to enter the tag team tournament. He blows on a whistle and out comes the Headhunters (who appeared at the 1996 Royal Rumble as the "Squat Team"). A fan at ringside, seeing the first one only, yells out "Abdullah!" (The Butcher). What follows is a lengthy, unimpressive brawl between the Headhunters and the Headbangers (Owen and the Bulldog having slipped out to avoid the attack). The Headhunters take forever to lay out the Headbangers. One of them does a splash off the top, while the second does a moonsault. You could have made a sandwich in the time it took them to flatten the Headbangers. - The Undertaker gives his reply in a lengthy, but good speech. He says it was Cain, not he, who started the fire (by playing with matches and flammable embalming fluids). He's been haunted by this because he could have stopped Cain but didn't. Paul Bearer made him look at their dead bodies at the "neighboring" mortuary. That's about it. (The closed captioning spelled his name "C-A-N-E", but the WWF website spells it "C-A-I-N", so that's the official spelling. Not "Kane", "Kain", "Kaine", "Cane" or "Caine"). - ROCKABILLY (w/ The Honky Tonk Man) vs. VADER (w/ Paul Bearer) Rockabilly smashes a guitar over Vader's back, but Vader barely flinches. He starts to pummel him, but the match comes to a halt as the Undertaker runs to the ring. Paul Bearer yells "Murderer!" into a mic. The Undertaker slugs Vader, then grabs Bearer down on the floor. "Tell them the truth! Tell them the truth or I'll kill you right now!" "I am telling the truth! Cain told me ... he's alive! Cain is alive, Undertaker! I swear!" Vader then jumps him from behind, allowing him to escape. You know ... this is a lot of trouble to go to just to bring in the Undertaker's "brother". - "STONE COLD" STEVE AUSTIN vs. JIM "THE ANVIL" NEIDHART The rest of the Hart Foundation is shown watching on a monitor in the lockerroom. Nothing special here. Rest holds intermixed with brawling. After several minutes they go to commercial. Once back, they show footage from moments before of Bret Hart attacking Ken Shamrock. It seems Hart was lying about being in Canada. Hart stomps a mudhole in Shamrock, ignoring the pleas of several WWF officials to back off. Hart beats on him with a steel barrel. Ross makes a big deal about how Hart lied to him and Vince. The slugfest continues for several more minutes until Bret Hart finally runs in, causing a DQ. Hart and the Anvil beat on Austin. Bret wraps Austin's legs around the post and applies the Figure Four. Mankind runs out and slaps the Mandible Claw on Bret. Brian Pillman runs out and beats on Mankind. Owen Hart runs out and whacks Mankind with a chair. The show ends. - Matches for next week: None really announced. NOD vs. Hart Foundation? Comments: I'm not really certain where to begin ... other than to say this show was not only a major disappointment, but really annoyed me at times. Obviously there was a level of expectation that could never be achieved, partly due to their own hype, but much of it due to wildly erroneous Internet rumors. I'll deal with the Internet portion first: No Rick Rude. No Ricky Steamboat. No Tito Santana. No Sid. No Yokozuna. No Mike Tyson. No Evander Holyfield. No Dusty Rhodes. No Shane Douglas. No Ultimate Warrior. No Shawn Michaels. No Sabu, Rob Van Dam, Taz, Tommy Dreamer, Sandman, Terry Funk, nor Paul E. Dangerously. No Demolition. Did I miss anyone? Believe it or not, all of the above were rumored at one point or another as appearing on the show this week. Rude, Steamboat, Yokozuna, Sid and Douglas were the ones most recently still in contention. Tyson and Holyfield were, again, out of the running. The WWF themselves mentioned Shawn Michaels as appearing. The Ultimate Warrior was mostly eliminated as a possibility over the last week. One website in particular out there was sticking by their Dusty Rhodes prediction. An appearance the ECW in any form was a given assumption, based on the fact that they had been on every week for the last month. Kevin Kelly, on an AOL chat last week, said a former Intercontinental champion would be on the show. Unfortunately, there were more than enough wrestlers on the current roster to fit that bill (Hart, Bulldog, Goldust, Mero, Ahmed, Helmsley and the Honky Tonk Man). Now obviously no one expected all of the above to appear. Even two or three from that list seemed unlikely. But one of the above, since the WWF themselves were hinting at such, seemed a possibility. So who did we get? Savio Vega's Milkmen of Destruction, and the Headhunters. Wow. (Oh yeah ... Scott Putski came back too). What was really strange was the total absence of ECW this week. I can only assume the WWF wanted to focus solely on this weekend's upcoming PPV, though that doesn't explain the Headhunters. Maybe Cornette plans on taking the Headhunters to the ECW arena? We also didn't get to see any footage from the Saturday night show in Anaheim, even though that too was reportedly taped. The WWF seemed to be hinting that they would show a clip from the "Best Tan" Contest (which Sable won). I also don't think they even bothered to mention that the Undertaker pinned Bret Hart (though I may have merely missed that). Speaking of the Undertaker, they really let that one be as bad as we all feared, didn't they? Taking the very vague comments that Paul Bearer made weeks ago, many people speculated that the story would be that the Undertaker killed his parents. Nah ... they'd never say that! The only thing Paul Bearer's wild yarn was missing was an explanation as to how and why he became Percy Pringle in World Class after leaving the mortuary. The USA Network thought this was a more appropriate angle than the Papa Shango idea? Now let us now put this ugliness behind us and never speak of it again. Hopefully they won't take too long to produce his long lost not-dead brother. This week's show wasn't entirely without merit, but it's bright spots were few and far between. Even the recently improved level of wrestling took a nose-dive this week, with the Christopher/Putski match probably being the best. I actually thought the show started out well in it's first half hour. Things then went awry with the breakneck pace with which they kept throwing little bits of nothing at us, followed by the overly long, overly dramatic, overly impossible-to-believe-unless-you're-ten-years-old Undertaker "secret". The show ended poorly as well, with the "shocking revelation" that the Undertaker's brother was still alive being a no-brainer. I'm sure most fans already assumed that he was "still alive" since they bothered to mention him at all, (otherwise I doubt Bearer would have went to all the trouble to single him out in the story. He would have instead simply said that the Undertaker killed all three of his family members). A personal plea to Vince McMahon: stop putting Hunter Hearst Helmsley on RAW! He's been on every week this year. The funny thing is that the WWF, even though they put on a miserable show, earned their best rating since shortly after the NBA playoff time switch stretch. RAW got a 2.5, with the first hour doing a 2.3 and the second hour doing a respectable 2.7. As ridiculous as the Undertaker's "secret" was, it seems to have carried the show. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Bottom Line: Anyone out there getting "Canadian Stampede"? I'm not. They've only advertised four matches: * Undertaker vs. Vader. * 10 Man Tag Team Match. * Mankind vs. Helmsley. * Great Sasuke vs. Taka Michinoku. The Undertaker match seems like a good time to trot out the UT's little brother, but I wouldn't put it past the WWF to drag it out several more weeks. The 10 man match is the only real selling point of the PPV, and it will most likely be too chaotic to resemble a normal logical match. Mankind should get the win over Helmsley, and I doubt this will be all that spectacular. I doubt Sasuke will be allowed to look all that good in his first win. Actually, he'll look great, but I doubt both men will be allowed to go all out. I also wouldn't doubt if they redo the match the next night, as Sasuke is supposed to wrestle on RAW to kick off the Light Heavyweight Tournament. My brother and his friend (the dopes who talked me into getting the King of the Ring) are lobbying me to pick this up. I've decided to get the results off the Net, then possibly get the replay if I missed anything decent. Then there's the Bash at the Beach. All I can really say about that is while I acknowledge that it may be a "big" show, I'm not all that hyped about seeing it. I may not even bother to listen on RealAudio over the Net. Frankly, whether Hennig, Raven or Sting will be the secret partner is a surprise I can wait until Monday night to learn about (as well as how bad Rodman looked in the ring). What was hyped as the "Greatest Monday Night Ever" didn't even come close. The WWF aired an average show, while Nitro was as mediocre as ever, with two noteworthy, though ultimately meaningless roster additions. (After all, why is Raven appearing in WCW more momentous than the entire rest of the ECW roster appearing on RAW? And Hennig? He was doing nothing more than occasional color commentary when he left the WWF). Throw in the fairly boring installment of the ECW TV show, and you had a pretty miserable week of wrestling. Now that June 30th has passed, let us put this ugliness behind us and never speak of it again. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- This Week's Winner: Nitro (just barely). ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Slobberknocker Central" and "Monday Night Recap" are copyright 1997 by John Petrie, and all opinions expressed therein are his own, and not those of Internet Access, Inc. Volume One, Number 85 of the "Monday Night Recap", June 30th, 1997.