[RESULTS/OPINION] WCW Monday Nitro/WWF Monday Night RAW (8/5)

(My computer is STILL sitting in a box at my new home - I've literally had no
time to work on it over the last week.)

WCW Monday Nitro: Live.

HOUR ONE: Hosted by Tony Schiavone & Larry Zbyszko.

 - Recap of the carnage from last week. WCW wrestlers (such as Meng and
   Scott Norton) are shown circling the ring - acting as the security for
   tonight's card.

 - ROCK 'N ROLL EXPRESS vs. HARLEM HEAT (w/ Sherri & Col. Parker)
   The R 'n R show just exactly how much of their ability they've lost in
   this match. (A crueler person would say all, I'm content to say most.)
   Sherri tries to interfere, fails, then Parker distracts Robert Gibson
   long enough for Booker T. to lay in a kick to the head. Heat win.

 - Mean Gene interviews the Nasty Boys, who complain about how WCW hasn't
   been very good to/for them lately. Sting and Lex Luger come out and
   demand to know where their allegiances lie. "Here in Nastyville!" Says
   Nobbs.

 - MALIA HOSAKA (w/ Sonny Onoo) vs. MADUSA
   Poor, poor match. Women's wrestling really isn't my favorite, but I've
   seen enough good ones from Japan to use as grounds for comparison: This
   one stank. It was nothing. Some hair pulls and an upset pin by Hosaka -
   the intent of which I'm sure is to try and lull a few saps into actually
   believing that there's a chance that Madusa just might loose against
   Bull Nakano at Hog Wild. About this time we see a black limo arrive on
   the scene.

 - Recap of the Dean Malenko/Chris Benoit situation.

 - CHRIS BENOIT (w/ Woman, Liz & Debbie) vs. ALEX WRIGHT
   Benoit dominates in a sloppy mat match (which included one of the ugliest
   Abdominal Stretches I've ever seen.) Jimmy Hart comes out and tries to
   convince Woman to join the Dungeon of Doom because she's driving "someone"
   (pointed out by Hart on his tie as being Kevin Sullivan) crazy. Dean
   Malenko shows up to try and drag her off, prompting Benoit to leave the
   ring. The two of them brawl as Benoit is counted out in one of the fastest
   counts in recent WCW history.

 - LORD STEVEN REGAL (w/ Jeeves) vs. RANDY "MACHO MAN" SAVAGE
   Typical Savage match as he gets beat up for several minutes, then wins
   with the Flying Elbow. Sting and Luger come out to check on the black
   limo. Sting opens the back door and retrieves a wreath of flowers with
   the banner "Condolences on the death of WCW." The two bring the wreath
   into the ring during Savage's post-match interview with Mean Gene and the
   three engage in a fairly embarrasing interview. Sting tries to act
   sarcastic, but seems to forget what he's supposed to say. Savage is
   unintelligible while Luger just stands there like a dope. They finish up
   with Savage place kicking the wreath towards the camera. Ohhh... he's a
   loose cannon!

HOUR TWO: Hosted by Eric Bischoff and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan.

 - Bischoff never shows, while Heenan is supposedly delayed. Quick recap of
   the Ric Flair/Eddy Guerrero feud.

 - RIC FLAIR (w/ Woman, Liz & Debbie) vs. THE BOOTY MAN (w/ The Booty Babe)
   The rest of the Four Horsemen circle the ring, acting as security. Bobby
   Heenan finally shows up, but Bischoff is still missing. Flair meanwhile
   gets the win via the Figure Four. The rest of the Horsemen then enter
   the rinbg and spend a lengthy amount of time stomping on the Booty Man as
   a message to Hulk Hogan. (You see... Hogan and Booty Man are old friends,
   so this beating is retaliation for the heinous baseball bat beating of the
   previous week. I have it on good authority that their next planned "message"
   to Hogan is going to be a really dirty limmerick about him in one of the
   men's rooms at the CNN tower. That'll REALLY cheese him off!)

 - Longer recap of last weeks' Pearl Harbor job by the Outsiders. Then another
   New World Order promo which is interrupted by Sting and Luger storming the
   control booth and stopping it from being shown.

 - THE GIANT (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. SGT. CRAIG PITTMAN (w/ Teddy Long)
   Puh-leeze! The Giant no-sells every one of Pittman's moves for a few
   minutes, then chokeslams him for the win. He nails Long as well, then
   does the usual interview.

 - STING/LEX LUGER vs. THE NASTY BOYS
   This match is about as good as we get this night, and that's not saying
   much. As one might guess, Jerry Saggs has a run-in with Rick Steiner
   (The Steiners at ringside as part of WCW's security force.) Luger throws
   the dazed Saggs back into the ring into the waiting clutches of Sting's
   Scorpion Leglock.

   Sting and Luger then do their third interview of the night (and people
   say they're sick of Shawn Michaels.) They decide to check out the black
   limo again, which had left earlier then returned. As time runs out they
   go over to it, open the door, grab a leather satchel bag from someone
   who pulls the door shut, and examine it as the limo slips away. As the
   screen fades to black we see the logo (which Luger and Zbyszko both read
   aloud:) "Turner."

Next week's main event: Not announced.

Comments: This show was a good example of how weak Nitro can be right now
without an appearance by Hogan and The Outsiders. Their absence was really
surprising given this was the last Nitro before the PPV. None of the matches
had any fire, and the Horsemen beating (as lame as it was) supplied the only
spark to an otherwise dull show.

I'll go out on a limb here and guess that the black Turner bag will lead to
speculation that Bischoff himself may have sold out. It'll turn out to be
someone else, but nonetheless it'll be another red herring to keep us
guessing.


WWF Monday Night RAW: Taped 7/22.

 - Clips of Olympian Mark Henry, who has signed a muti-year contract with
   the WWF. No mention of when he'll actually start.

 - JERRY "THE KING" LAWLER vs. ALDO MONTOYA
   Lawler does the bit where he takes the mic into the ring with him. He
   wins via the Piledriver, then pours a bottle of Jim Beam down Montoya's
   throat. All of this aimed at Jake Roberts' past drinking problems.

 - THE NEW AND IMPROVED ROCKERS vs. THE BODYDONNAS
   Hillbilly Jim sits in for color commentary. Not that bad a match actually,
   but is more or less ruined by the end, which was a D.Q. win for the
   Bodydonnas when the Smoking Gunns run in to attack them. Close behind are
   the Godwins to even up the sides. This all of course sets up the Quadrangle
   Match scheduled for SummerSlam.

 - Comments from Sunny and Faarooq Asad. Clips are then shown of Gorilla
   Monsoon reluctantly admitting Crush back into the WWF. Clarence Mason
   grins like a cowboy on a Sturday night, as McMahon mentions the Mason
   has acquired a manager's license and will be in his new man's corner.

 - Clips of Vader pinning Michaels at International Incident and the attack
   from Mankind last week. Shawn does a decent interview saying that he
   never claimed to be unbeatable, may be the only man in the WWF who could
   stand his wrestling schedule, and welcomes the eventual return and rematch
   with Bret Hart.

 - Clips from the Kliq Kam at the Molson Centre in Montreal.

 - ELEVEN MAN BATTLE ROYALE: Entrants in the order of their elimination:
   1. The Undertaker - simultaneous with...
   2. Mankind.
   3. The British Bulldog - by Ahmed Johnson.
   4. Justin "Hawk" Bradshaw - by Sid.
   5. Owen Hart - by Marc Mero.
   6. "Wildman" Marc Mero - by Goldust.
   7. Savio Vega - eliminated himself by accident.
   8. Sid - by Steve Austin.
   9. "Stone Cold" Steve Austin - by Goldust and Ahmed Johnson.
  10. Goldust - by the winner Ahmed Johnson.
   
   The Undertaker and Mankind both go over and out about 3 seconds into the
   match. They are then seen brawling back into the ring, through the crowd,
   then in an area in the back. Vega tried his patented spinning kick on
   Austin in the corner of the ring. He lands it, but his momentum carries
   him over the top rope. Sid is dumped by Austin while distracted by Owen
   and the Bulldog, who had returned to ringside. Austin and Goldust briefly
   agree to cooperate, but Goldust turns on Austin. Ahmed wins when both he
   and Goldust go over the top rope. Goldust hits the floor, but Ahmed hangs
   onto the ropes - hanging upside down by his knees. Ahmed is wrestling
   "against doctors orders with a ruptured kidney." He also acquires a bloody
   nose during the course of the match. Ahmed wins the right to face the
   winner of the Shawn/Vader match at SummerSlam on RAW the following night.   

   After the match Ron "The Gladiator" Asad runs in. All Hell breaks loose
   as we fade to black.

   Oh yeah... announced for the Free For All prior to Summerslam: Bikini
   Beach Blast Off featuring Marlena, Sable and Sunny.
   (*Insert loud, obscene slurping noise.*)

 - Next week's main event: Shawn Michaels vs. Owen Hart in a non-title match.

Comments: Battle Royales aren't among my favorite types of matches, but this
is probably one of the better ones I've seen in recent years. The key was to
eliminate the majority of wrestlers quickly, and allow the match to focus on
the last four, turning it into something of a tag team match. The brief
alliance and break-up by Goldust and Austin worked well.


Bottom line: I gotta say that SummerSlam looks a lot more promising than Hog
Wild, though that's because WCW has done so little to build up what could
be excellent matches between Flair/Guerrero, Benoit/Malenko, and Misterio/
Ultimo Dragon. SummerSlam on the other hand looks, at worst, to be solidly
in the middle of the road quality-wise, with the potential for some good
matches. It's hard to look at Hog Wild as anything more than the usual set-up
for the next night's Nitro, with the entire PPV being filler until whatever
surprise is in store for the last five minutes. Also with a live Nitro the
next night and the Clash of the Champions a few days later, it's hard imagine
what WCW will do to make each memorable. Which will be the big one? Will all
three be great? Can they fire all their guns at the PPV and have time to
reload for the Clash, or will they both average out, with Nitro being little
more than a recap of one and the set-up for the other? I think the key lies
in how big the surprises on Hog Wild turn out to be, and if they incorporate
them into the Clash. It'd be a mistake, IMO, to (for example) introduce a
new Outsider at the PPV, then do little with him the next two cards. The one
problem with the Outsider angle thus far has been just how little they've
actually done. They have yet to wrestle more than that one match at Bash at
the Beach. Hogan hasn't stepped back into the ring yet, and has only made
one live appearance since his turn. Last week's baseball bat attack was the
first time any of their outside antics have gotten physical, and that may
have been dimished by their no-show this week. There's still little sense
that WCW is in any real trouble - that the New World Order is that much of a
threat. To introduce a 4th N.W.O. member then stretch out his in-ring debut
until September might be pushing it. They've gotta start becoming a presence
at all of the WCW shows - two minute walk-ons at the end out Nitro will get
old fast. Imagine how hot it would have been if that bat attack had happened
on the live WCW Saturday Night counting down to the PPV?

With SummerSlam I think there's a better sense that we'll see a good show,
with the live RAW the next night being a step in a new direction. Their
only problem is that they have to set their course then slog it through two
In Your Houses prior to the next big event: Survivor Series.

This week's winner: RAW.


JRP