[RESULTS/OPINION]Monday Night RAW/Monday Nitro (4/22)


Monday Night RAW: Taped 4/1.

 - GOLDUST (w/ Marlena) vs. SAVIO VEGA
   Not as good a match as last week's. Goldust wins when "Stone Cold"
   Steve Austin knocks out Savio with the Million Dolloar Belt, allowing
   Goldust to get the pin. Considering this is almost the exact same finish
   as last week, why didn't Gorilla Monsoon come out and hold up the belt?

 - VADER (w/ Jim Cornette) vs. FATU
   10 seconds of offense from Fatu aside, this match was all Vader. Vader
   delivers a less than impressive Moonsault for the win.

 - Clips from the tour in Germany are shown. Bret, Shawn, Shawn's "Das Kliq
   Kamera," etc. Highlights are shown of a match between Jake "The Snake"
   Roberts and Owen Hart. Roberts delivers the DDT, but is attacked by the
   British Bulldog before the pin is made. Roberts and the Bulldog brawl a
   bit, with Jake eventually setting the snake loose on the Bulldog. The two
   will now meet at In Your House.

 - THE GODWINS (w/ Hillbilly Jim) vs. TWO UNNAMED SCRUBS
   I've watched the match twice, and both times managed to miss the name of
   the two jobbers. McMahon mentions The Slammys recieving a "cheers" in the
   latest TV Guide, so they then show Sunny winning the "Best Buns" award,
   along with clips of the Bodydonnas winnning the Tag Titles, then run
   prerecorded comments from Sunny and her men, then the match. Sunny comes
   out and lures Hillbilly Jim back to the lockerroom. The Godwins eventually
   beat the ham 'n eggers. Phinneas Godwin is then slopped by the Bodydonnas.

 - MANKIND vs. ALDO MONTOYA
   Mankind quickly wins with the Two Fingers Down The Throat submission.
   
 - A decent highlights package of Shawn and Diesel's past is shown. Diesel
   delivers a threat to McMahon, telling him he might be next after Big
   Daddy Cool finishes off Michaels.

 - Next week's main event: Ultimate Warrior vs. Dr. Isaac Yankem.

Comments: A VERY flat show. The stuff from Germany was okay, as well as the
Shawn/Diesel clips. But all the matches stank. The Goldust/Savio scenario
made little sense. Managerial interference deserves scrutiny, but outside
interference doesn't - is that the message? Or did the ref have to get
knocked out again just to get Monsoon to take notice. Maybe the WWF will try
and fix this up over the weekend, but I doubt it.


Monday Nitro: Live.

 - THE PUBLIC ENEMY vs. THE AMERICAN MALES
   Pre-match, that rat-bastard Eric Bischoff gives away the results to RAW.

   "The RuPaul impersonator... the transvestite Goldust beats Savio Vega.
   Yawn! Mankind beats Aldo Montoya. Bigger yawn! And Vader beats Fatu."

   Okay geek... since you've decided to do this for all us ignorant fans,
   ya mind telling us HOW they win next time? What about the Godwins match?
   You forgot that! Hey man, if you can't give good, reliable RAW results,
   I may stop watching Nitro.

   Bischoff also mentions that Marcus Bagwell is going to be in a film.
   Interesting. An Andy Sidaris film. Wait a minute! For starters... this
   is nothing to be proud of. Second, Sidaris makes movies - not films. 
   (Cinema buffs know the difference.) Andy Sidaris movies make "Baywatch"
   look like "Masterpiece Theater." Sidaris is the notorious maker of such 
   flops as "Malibu Express," "Hard Ticket To Hawaii," "Picasso Trigger,"
   "Savage Beach," and "Guns" (which I believe starred Erik Estrada, if that
   tells you anything.) His flicks are centered around a group of government
   agents (played by muscled hunks and Playboy models) who spend their time
   sitting in hot tubs, having sex, and defeating villains that make the
   Dungeon of Doom look intelligent. Most of the movies feature fancy guns,
   remote contol aircraft, and odd vehicles which apparently comes from
   Sidaris' own personal collection of toys. Okay, so I've seen every one of
   his bombs - several times. That doesn't make me a bad person. I'm just
   saying that it's nothing for WCW to brag about!

   Oh yeah... the match. What did you expect? The P.E. lose via DQ, then put
   Scotty Riggs through a precut table. Nothing new.

 - Okerlund announces the latest Battlebowl matchups:

   * Meng & Hugh Morrus vs. Barbarian & Bobby Walker.
   * Stevie Ray & Big Bubba vs. Icetrain & Scott Norton.

   He then draws two teams live:
   
   * Ric Flair & Randy Savage vs. Arn Anderson & Eddy Guerrero.

   Two word Mean Gene: Bull and shit.

 - CHRIS BENOIT vs. EDDY GUERRERO
   This might have been a great match except for the fact that a) it wasn't
   and b) they took a commercial right after it started. Benoit - arguably
   the best technical wrestler on the planet - uses the ropes to cheat and
   get the pin. I guess he really is one of the Four Horsemen. Bischoff
   mentions Ohtani beating Benoit in Japan, so apparently WCW is now claiming
   that was merely a preliminary round match (and Ohtani didn't win the U.S.
   belt, as was believed.)

 - Mean Gene interviews Rob Garner and Randy Savage. The upswing of all this
   is that WCW is concerned with Savage's behavior, and they feel he should
   seek professional help. Savage grunts a few times in the negative and
   stalks off. This storyline makes no sense whatsoever. What has Savage
   done? Chased after Flair a few times is all. Got rough with a few jobbers
   maybe. Meanwhile you've got a guy like Kevin Sullivan who is actively 
   seeking to physically injure Hulk Hogan. Does WCW bring him out for an
   encounter session? No. Do they handcuff him every time he's at ringside?
   No. What about Jimmy Hart, or the Giant, or the Public Enemy - who are
   putting people through tables for God's sake! Why is Savage (who's "Loose
   Cannon" activities have been pretty tame) being singled out like this.
   Ric Flair is throwing "hot" coffee in people's faces, but Savage is the
   one to worry about? Stupid.

 - MENG vs. "HACKSAW" JIM DUGGAN
   Duggan tapes his fist and knocks out the once invincible Meng for the
   pin. Unbelievable.

 - More match-ups for Battlebowl are announced. My brother had come into
   the room. He thought it was lame that Savage "just happened" to be drawn
   as Flair's partner. I pointed out that for nearly every team, you either
   had enemies teamed up - enemies on opposing teams - tag teams split up -
   or tag partners paired together - all of which defy random odds:

   * Alex Wright & Disco Inferno vs. Bobby Eaton & Dick Slater
 
   Then drawn live were:

   * Lord Steven Regal & (I told my brother it would be the Belfast Bruiser.)
     The Belfast Bruiser vs. V.K. Wallstreet & (I told my brother it would
     be Jim Duggan) "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan. 

   Two words from my brother: Bull and shit.

 - RIC FLAIR/THE GIANT (w/ Evil Entourage) vs. LEX LUGER/STING
   Savage runs to the ring and is tackled by several policemen before he
   gets within ten feet of Flair. Flair meanwhile stomps on Savage's head
   as he's being handcuffed (though this is apparently acceptable behavior.)
   This match was billed as having spectacular stipulations: A title would
   change hands if anyone (but the Giant) were pinned. This lead most of the
   planet to assume that the Giant would be pinned. Instead, Woman comes up
   with a cup of "steaming hot" coffee (for the third Nitro in a row) hands
   it to Flair, who then misses his intended target and instead throws it in
   the face of the Giant. The Giant is mad. The ref calls for the DQ. No
   titles change hands. Sting and luger leave. The Giant tells Mean Gene
   that the "hot coffee has made my blood boil." My brother laughs in disgust.
   Flair grabs the mic at the announcer's desk and tells the Giant that he's
   angry that the Giant wouldn't accept his apology and that he's going to
   kick the Giant's "big ass!" The Giant chases Flair out of the arena.

 - Next week's main event: Ric Flair vs. The Giant. "We'll get the match
   signed" assures Bischoff.

Comments: This week's show was a bigger load of B.S. than last week's.
Everyone knows that Savage is going to win the Lethal Lottery, beat Flair
at the PPV after that, then eventually lose the belt to Hogan in Las Vegas,
but do they have to be so obvious about it?

Bischoff also mention that Brian Pillman was in a car accident (confirming
the rumors) and that WCW wished him a speedy recovery. This is the only
thing in good taste that WCW did all night.


Bottom line: WCW stinks.

This week's winner: RAW. (As well as last week's, though I gave the nod at
that time to Nitro. In retrospect, I was being too kind, giving them too
much credit for being live. They never lived up to the promise that being
live offers and I didn't come down hard enough on them for that.)


JRP