[RESULTS/OPINION]Monday Night RAW/Monday Nitro (4/8)

(For those of you used to reading this on the newsgroup, my news server
is in the process of being upgraded - or has crashed - I dunno which. In
any case, I now get three times as many newsgroups, but can't post to any
of them. Do not worry though, the "Monday Night Recap" has it's permanent
home here at the Slobberknocker Central.)


Monday Night RAW: Taped 4/1

 - In response to Nitro's early starts, RAW now starts (for the time being,
   anyway,) three minutes before the hour.

 - YOKOZUNA vs. VADER
   Not as bad a match as one might have expected. Yoko puts up a spirited
   fight, but just couldn't match Vaders's stamina (did I say that?) Vader
   drags Yoko's big "A" over to the corner and Vaderbombs one of his plump
   legs. Yoko screams out in pain, and the ref calls for the bell, declaring
   Yokozuna unfit to continue. Vader bombs it twice more (with Cornette
   holding it in place.) A good chunk of the crowd is solidly behind Vader's
   efforts. Paramedics come to ringside with a gurney, but end up using a
   FORKLIFT to carry him out. (This dispelled what I had assumed was an April
   Fools joke when I heard about this last week.)

 - McMahon interviews the Ultimate Warrior. Vince asks where the Warrior has
   been these last three years. The Warrior says he'd gone to this dark place
   that normal people fear to go. This is probably "Parts Unknown," and is
   apparently somewhere in Nevada. Out comes Goldust, who seems intent on
   being brutalized by ALL the legends of the past. Goldust tries to butter
   up to the Warrior, who spurns Goldust's advances by calling him a freak.
   (Pot. Kettle. Black?) Warrior then says "whatever is, is, and whatever it
   is that you do, I don't give a sh(bleep)t!" The Warrior then smack Goldust.

 - Yokozuna is shown in the garage area about to be loaded into the ambulance.
   Vader arrives with a chair and smacks Yoko on the leg a half dozen times
   or so. 

 - HUNTER HEARST HELMSLY vs. DUKE "THE DUMPSTER" DROESE
   A commercial break right in the middle killed any heat that this match 
   may have had (for the home viewer that is.) Hunter Pedigrees the garbage
   man for the clean pin. Comments from "Wildman" Mero are shown.

 - Yokozuna is finally carted away by the ambulance.

 - AHMED JOHNSON vs. THE BRITISH BULLDOG (w/ Owen Hart)
   An armwrestling contest. *Groan*. It actually wasn't all that bad. Owen
   was hilarious, continually interrupting the referee, and delaying the
   start of the contest, complaining that Ahmed was too oily, was cheating,
   etc. After a couple of warnings, the ref orders Owen back to the lockers.
   Ahmed quickly beats the Bulldog, but is then attacked. The Bulldog slams
   Ahmed into the table a couple of times, drops it on him - stomps on the
   table with Ahmed under it, and so forth.

 - SHAWN MICHAELS vs. JERRY "THE KING" LAWLER
   I should mention that Mr. Perfect had been sitting in for the King all
   evening. Diesel comes to the announcers table to deliver color analysis.
   Diesel is wearing a Michaels t-shirt. "I'm part of the Kliq, Mcmahon...
   isn't everyone?" Shawn dominates in what was primarily a comedy match. 
   Shawn eventually has the King down, but goes over to jawjack with Diesel 
   instead of going for the pin. This allows Lawler to dig an International
   Object out of his tights, but is met by a Superkick for his efforts. 
   After the pin, Shawn calls in Diesel. Diesel removes his shades, hands
   his watch to Mr. Perfect, and goes in for some mutual pounding. The two
   trade blows until the ref, who had been trying to break it up - has Shawn
   occupied, allowing Mr. Perfect to toss Diesel the Championship belt. 
   Diesel nails Shawn, leaving him lying in the ring (for at least the third
   time in a year or so.)
 
 - Next week's main event: Goldust vs. Savio Vega for the IC belt.

Comments: Is Bill Watts back?! Man, was this a heels night or what? No 
spectacular wrestling, but the angles carried the show.


Monday Nitro: Not on.

 - Next week's main event: Hulk Hogan/Booty Man vs. Arn Anderson/Kevin
   Sullivan, with special stipulations involving the Booty Babe and 
   Woman (and maybe Miss Elizabeth.)

Comments: Not on. Preempted by encore airing of "Moses."


Bottom line: RAW was on... Nitro wasn't.

This week's winner: RAW (by default.)