[RESULTS/OPINION]Monday Night RAW/Monday Nitro (4/1) Monday Night RAW: Live. - Quick WrestleMania XII Recap: * Bodydonnas beat the Godwins to win the Tag Titles on the Free For All. * Both the Huckster and Nacho Man die of old age in the Geriatric Match. * Vader pins Jake the Snake in the six-man match. * The Piper/Goldust backlot brawl leads into a car chase. * Steve Austin beat Savio Vega with the Million Dollar Dream. * Ultimate Warrior squashed Hunter Hearst Helmsly. * "Wildman" Marc Mero is introduced backstage, and gets into a fight with Helmsley. * Undertaker pins Diesel after the Tombstone Piledriver. * Piper strip Goldust in the ring (he'd chased Goldust to the arena.) * Shawn Michaels won the World Title. The Iron Man match went to the 60 minute time limit with no falls by either. Returning President Gorilla Monsoon ruled that "sudden death" would take place: First decision wins. Shawn lands two Superkicks for the pin. - MANKIND vs. BOB "SPARK PLUG" HOLLY Holly, who is the official jobber for newly arriving heels, succumbed quickly to Man(son)kind's evil ways. Mankind's finisher is a submission choke hold - in which he stuffs his fingers in his opponent's mouth. Holly spits up some foam, and the ref calls for the bell. Mankind wears a leather "Hannibal the Cannibal-esque" face mask. - "WILDMAN" MARC MERO vs. ISAAC YANKEM D.D.S. Mero's ring music is a little like the Ultimate Warrior's and his ring gear is a little like Razor Ramon's. Mero nails his over the top rope flip to the floor, the over the top rope legdrop, and a few moves off the top turnbuckle. Midway through the match, Hunter Hearst Helmsly comes to ringside to confront Sable (the young lady who accompanied him to the ring at WrestleMania - whom he blamed for his losing to the Warrior - the reason Johnny... err... Marc got into a fight with him - and was now at ringside to watch Mero's debut.) Mero quickly dispatches the evil dentist and jumps to Sable's defense, but she - unlike a certain Doll - is able to take care of herself - and slaps HHH. The Wildman then takes her with him back to the lockerroom. - THE BODYDONNAS (w/ Sunny) vs. BARRY HOROWITZ/ALDO MONTOYA Squash. Sunny shows us her Slammy Award winning Best Buns as her boys, Skip and Dr. Zip, take care of the underdogs. - Vince McMahon interviews Shawn Michaels in the ring. Shawn spends much too long thanking the fans and giving due to the Hitman. It's announced that he will defend the belt against Jerry "The King" Lawler next week, with Diesel providing color commentary. - THE UNDERTAKER (w/ Paul Bearer) vs. JUSTIN "HAWK" BRADSHAW (w/ Uncle Zeb) Bradshaw does his Stan Hansenest best to beat the man from the dark side, but the Undertaker just won't stay down. Before any decision can be rendered (and possibly break Bradshaw's undefeated streak) Mankind comes out and demolishes the Undertaker. Mankind leaves him lying at ringside, his Elbowdrop off the ring apron, then sticks his fingers (the two middle ones in a black sleeve/wrapping/sheath/thingy) down the Undertakers throat. After a few minutes of this, the officials are able to pull him away from the ring area. The Underatker spits up some foamy goo, and looks like Death warmed over - then put on ice. - Next week's main event: Michaels vs. Lawler. Yokozuna vs. Vader. Ahmed Johnson vs. The British Bulldog in an armwrestling contest. An interview with the Ultimate Warrior. Comments: A good, solid follow-up to WrestleMania. Quickly brings Mankind and Mero into the mix, and establishes feuds for them. Top 10 signs in the audience: 10. Shawn Michaels Kliq Membership. Expiration Date: Never. 9. Nitro is simply pathetic. 8. Shawn who? Hitman Rules! 7. WCW: Where The Old Boys Play. 6. Bring back Jamison. 5. E. Bischoff & Mongo make me VOMIT! 4. Hulk Hogan is the anti-christ. 3. Bring back the Conquistadors #1 & #2. 2. R.S.P.W. is RAW. 1. Shawn... can we touch your butt? Monday Nitro: Live. - ... and Sting and the Giant go toe to toe. Sting is barely able to fend off the Giant, and is saved by Lex Luger. The Giant exits with Jimmy Hart. The opening sequence runs. Then we are shown how Jimmy Hart bribed the Harlem Heat to walk out of their match with Sting and the Giant, then giving the Giant the signal to go after Sting. All this started before Nitro went on the air and the show started in the middle of it. So much for the Giant's face turn. - THE STEINERS vs. THE ROAD WARRIORS vs. THE NASTY BOYS A triangle match, and a fairly good one at that. The Warriors were kind of soft (like their guts) when they were in the ring, but the Steiners and Nasties work really hard. At one point Animal sells a kick to the stomach that missed by, I swear, maybe three inches. Hawk laid in some punches that wouldn't knock a tin can off a fence. But that aside, it was still good. Spilled in and out of the ring often. Warriors did crank it up a bit toward the end when thing started to get hectic. The end came when Knobbs had been dumped outside the ring, and while most everyone was distracted, the Public Enemy shows up and nails him. Johnny Grunge, who has been made up to look like a dead ringer for Knobbs, rolls into the ring, and allows himself to be pinned by Scott Steiner. Sort of a Dusty Rhodes/WWF kind of finish, but it worked. Better than the usual Nitro fare. - HULK HOGAN/BOOTY MAN (w/ Booty Babe *ugh*) vs. RIC FLAIR/KEVIN SULLIVAN (w/ Woman & Ms. Liz) Perhaps not as bad as what we usually see from this group (but pretty damn close!) Since most of the match is irrelevant anyway, I'll skip to the finish. Sullivan has a shoe. Hogan gets the Booty Babe's (*ugh*) shoe. The ref clearly sees both shoes - does nothing. Hogan blocks Woman's shoe and nails Sullivan with Kimberly's shoe. The ref clearly sees both shoes and counts the pin. The ref then looks confused as to why there's all these shoes in the ring and asks if anyone cheated. The Booty Man is then attacked as he tries to recover the Booty Babe's (*ugh*) shoe, but we don't get to see it as WCW/TNT is too busy showing the "1-800- COLLECT" replay. Hogan and Booty then give one of their usual rambling interviews to Mean Gene in the ring. Somewhere during all this (or perhaps during the Triangle Match) Bobby Heenan announces he's retiring and leaving WCW. - RIC FLAIR (w/ Woman & Ms. Liz) vs. LEX LUGER Not too much to say about this one either, as Luger dominated for most of the match, but Flair was able to cheat his way to the win. Woman grabs a cup of something from the crowd and splashes it in Luger's face. Flair then rolls him up, pulls the tights, puts his foot on the ropes, and gets the Nitro "clean" pin. Bischoff, Mongo, and Heenan all asserted it was hot coffe in the cup (with Heenan even claiming to see steam that only he could see.) Post match, Heenan shakes hands with his fellow commentators, says his goodbyes, then yells "April Fools!" - Next week's main event: Nitro won't be on. I'm not really sure why. Comments: An odd Nitro. It didn't get the usual jump on RAW, as it barely started maybe a minute earlier. It did run at least five minutes over though. The Triangle match was the match of the night. Bottom line: Nitro would have won it this week (for me) if the rest of the card hadn't been so dismal. RAW, while it wasn't exactly memorable either, did manage to carry over the momentum of the WrestleMania weekend. This week's winner: RAW.