[RESULTS/OPINION]Monday Night RAW/Monday Nitro (3/11) Monday Night RAW: Live. - No Sunny in the opening this week: Merely the "Graphic Content" advisory. - SAVIO VEGA vs. "STONE COLD" STEVE AUSTIN (w/ Ted DiBiase) Much to the delight of just about everyone (with the possible exception of Isaac Yankem) Austin has had the "Ringmaster" nickname dropped in favor of his real name and the appelation "Stone Cold." What on paper may have seemed a dull match turned into one of the few surprises of the night. Vega worked his butt off. What would normally be a squash turned into a decent, intense match. Austin dominated, with Vega making the comebacks (and with the crowd well behind him.) There was a nice exchange where Vega had been repeatedly arm dragging Austin, who pulls up, causing Vega to armdrag himself and go corkscrewing through the air. The move of the match came when Savio whipped Austin into the corner, then hit him with a spinning back kick that sent both men to the floor. Savio landed on his feet: Austin hit the floor and rail. The end was only a slight letdown as both men were counted out, but continued to brawl in the ring for a few minutes after the bell. They stared each other down and it looks like a new feud is born. - Olympic weightlifter Mark Henry is shown at ringside. A clip is shown of him and Jerry Lawler prior to the start of the show. Lawler insulted him, so Henry picks him up and slams him in the ring. The crowd goes wild, and all is right in the world. - Goldust comes to the ring with Marlena. Mcmahon waits in the ring to interview Roddy Piper, who then comes out. Piper does his usual schtick, berating Goldust for being weird, using mindgames, etc. Piper says when it comes to sexual orientation, he himself is a lesbian. Goldust then gets his turn, crawling around on his knees around Piper's lower regions, making all kinds of overtures, even taking a peak under the kilt. Piper grabs Goldust's wrist, forcing him to his feet, saying enough is enough. Goldust acts all hurt and rejected, then slaps Piper on the face. Piper, after a slow burn, returns the favor. The match is set for WrestleMania. Best line of the whole exchange: "Come to my back lot, Mr. Piper. That's where I do my best work!" - THE GODWINS (w/ Hillbilly Jim) vs. JERRY MEAD/ALEX BERTO Squash. Godwins win. Next. - Jim Ross with the "Ross Report." Subject: Shawn Michaels. Shawn is shown in San Antonio with his Mentor... "Super Sock" Jose Lothario? This is one legends of the past I'm afraid I'm unfamiliar with. Shawn is shown working out, and conversing with his mentor, etc., preparing for WrestleMania. A good segment, sure to please all the Michaels fans out there. - Jim Ross with the "Ross Report." Subject: Bret Hart. Hart is shown in Calgary, with his mentor Stu Hart. This is one of the legends of the past I am familiar with. Bret is shown working out, and makes comments about Shawn. ("Many fans say Shawn Michaels is the best 'wrestler' in the World Wrestling Federation. That always gets me.") Bret compares Shawn's style with the high flying style of Lucha Libre, which given that Shawn's mentor and trainer is from Mexico, all suddenly makes sense. What... logic in the WWF? "He's not a classically trained wrestler. Shawn's more like a ping pong ball - he gets in the ring and bounces around. " - HUNTER HEARST HELMSLY (w/ Michelle Snickler) vs. VIN GRIER Squash. HHH wins. Next. Helmsly is announced as The Ultimate Warrior's opponent for WrestleMania. Another UW promo is shown (a pretty good one, actually.) "He's faster than a cheetah... stronger than a grizzly... more dangerous than a great white shark... and just when they thought it was safe to get back into the ring: He's Back!" (Cue Warrior music - show WrestleMania logo - fade out.) Michelle Snickler is the latest model with Helmsly, whom Lawler gets to annoy during the match. - In this week's shot at the competition, it's Scheme Gene with the "Geriatric Control Center." Footage is shown of the Huckster working out, which includes the creaking of bones, fainting spells, and use of an oxygen tank. The Nacho Man is preparing as well: Figuring out how best to cover his bald spot. He eventually settles for some of that spray-on hair coloring. Gene announces a special stipulation for their match (which will be on the "Free-For-All, and not the PPV itself:) No ladies shoes or handcuffs allowed at ringside. Billionaire Ted is, of course, the special referee. The best thing about this was how familiar the whole set and graphics looked. Scheme Gene ends with speculation that the sun might go down, and it could get dark, but you'd have to call the hotline to find out for certain. - YOKOZUNA/UNDERTAKER (w/ Paul Bearer) vs. THE BRITISH BULLDOG/OWEN HART The heels are accompanied by Jim Cornette. The combined entrances nearly lasted longer than the match itself, as fairly early on Diesel appears at ringside and floors Paul Bearer. As he leaves, the Undertaker spots him and takes off in pursuit. After a few minutes of Yokozuna dominating the bad guys, out comes Vader for the triple team, and the ref calls for the D.Q. Ahmed Johnson and Jake "The Snake" Roberts make the save. The heels get the upper hand for a bit, with the Bulldog getting a few impressive (and loud) shots in on Ahmed with Cornette's tennis racket. The faces, gain the upper hand though, as the ring fills with officials. - Next week's main event: Bret Hart vs. Tatanka. Eeeeeeewww. Comments: The Vega/Austin match was surprisingly good, though not the surprise of the evening. Over to WCW for that. Monday Nitro: live. - "HACKSAW" JIM DUGGAN vs. THE MEAN, NASTY, ICKY GIANT Terrible match. Duggan is the most embarrasing man to watch in wrestling. Duggan tries to tape his fist, loses the roll, then wraps his hand up in some of the tape at ringside used to hold down cables. The Giant wins with a chokeslam, or something. The real fireworks, though, came from the ringside area. Eric Bischoff announces that something is happening at ringside, then yells "It's Brian Pillman!" and huries off to oversee security. Some fans (with Pillman maybe) are holding up large signs that say "Call Brian - 1-900-288-PILL." You can only see Pillman for a second as he tries to scramble over the rail, and is dragged off by security. Yes it was, and is, all an angle. - Mean Gene talks to Steve Grissom, who puts a positive light on their 4th Place finish at this past weekend's auto race. (Grissom drives WCW's car.) I guess going from 43rd place to 4th is okay. Too bad I don't care about racing. But I'm sure there are a few of you out there who do, so... Yeehaw... (*spit - ptang*) Way to go Steve! Vrrooooommm!! - THE ROADWARRIORS (That's how they spell it.) vs. THE NASTY BOYS Wait! That noise! It can mean only one thing! What? I dunno! Fortunately they do show us. It's Rick and Scott, the Steiners on a couple of hawgs! (Err... Harley Davidsons. Motorcycles.) As they ride the bikes to the ring, we learn someone has worked over the Nasty Boys in the back, sending them to the hospital. But was it the Steiners, or the LOD? Unfortunately, the hooplah dies fairly quickly and they actually wrestle. Yeesh. The Steiners are great, but the Warriors just can't cut it any more. Scott nails one of the LOD with the Frankensteiner. Eventually Animal hits Rick with one of the LOD's spiked armbands and Hawk covers for the pin. Mean Gene does a quick interview in the ring. The Steiners have been chasing the Road Warriors for years, and now they've tracked them down in WCW. (And lost fairly easily to them. Raise your hand if you're interested in the rematch. One... two... is that it?) - LEX LUGER vs. ALEX WRIGHT Luger, as was shown this past weekend, is the new TV Champ. He quickly disposes of Wright (with the aid of Jimmy Hart, who distracts Wright on the top turnbuckle. Luger recovers from the beating he'd been taking, and catches a leaping Wright, who'd been slowed by Hart. Slam and pin.) Lex makes a show of telling Hart to go away. - HULK HOGAN/RANDY SAVAGE/BUTI MAN vs. RIC FLAIR/ARN ANDERSON/KEVIN SULLIVAN This is a "Six-man Strap Lumberjack Match" (not to be confused with the "Exploding Barbed-wire Landmine Double Barricade Pool Hell Death Match.") All six men in the ring, as well as the lumberjacks outside, have straps. This was advertised as having 20 lumberjacks. Bischoff announced there'd be 25 just prior to the match. Here's all the lumberjacks: * Hawk * Animal * Barbarian * Meng * The Giant * Loch Ness * Diamond Dallas Page * Lord Steven Regal * Sir Bobby Eaton * Squire David Taylor * Dave Sullivan * Konnan That's 12. Even if you count Woman, Elizabeth, the ref, and all the cameramen, you still don't get 20. The lumberjacks were dressed like, well... lumberjacks. (They all wore red plaid shirts.) The match itself wasn't much, as the majority of the action happened among the lumberjacks. The Giant and Loch Ness came to blows. Animal chased after a fleeing Ric Flair and carried him back to the ring. Hogan, at one point, fended off every single heel lumberjack singlehandedly. The debacle (which I give a "B" for effort and a "D-" for execution) ends when Hogan Big Boots(tm) and Leg-drop-O'-Dooms(tm) Ric Flair for the clean pin. Mean gene interviews the losers. Flair does his Crazy Old Man bit, while groping Elizabeth. A Flair fan at ringside (with hair coiffed and wearing a robe - looking a fair bit like Buddy Landell) is in awe of Flair, seemingly oblivious to the fact that Flair got pinned by Hogan, who managed to rub his crotch in Flair's face. (Is that what Shane Douglas meant when he said Hogan had stuffed handkerchiefs in Flair's mouth?) An okay spectacle, for all the mayhem than anything that actually happened in the ring. Show ends with Flair at the announcers desk. Oh yeah. Kimberly showed up near ringside again. Presumably scouting the Buti Man, as she wore the same color outfit. - Next week's main event: ? I don't think they mentioned one. Comments: A better than average Nitro (which isn't saying too much.) Anyone who still thinks the Pillman situation is a shoot should be shot. The return of the Steiners is big news, and a boost to WCW, but was it wise to have them lose so decisively in their first match back? Sure, the LOD cheated, but isn't that their style? It was a hollow victory (and defeat) that I can't see being made up in subsequent rematches. With the looming split between Luger and Sting, Luger's winning the TV Title, and Jimmy Hart saying he has managerial power to pull Luger out of the Chicago Street Fight at Uncensored, one has to wonder if The LOD might end up facing the Steiners instead. Anyone can win a "no-rules" type of fight (though the LOD would, in theory, be the favorites.) Since I can't see WCW decisively putting the Steiners over the LOD, one can expect the rematch to be pretty much like this match, which was far from spectacular. WCW tried tonight though... I'll give them that. Bottom line: Here's the respective line-ups for Uncensored and WrestleMania: WrestleMania XII * Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels. World Title. 60 minute "Ironman" Match. * Goldust vs. Roddy Piper. Unknown if IC belt is on the line. Probably not. * Ultimate warrior vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsly. * Yokozuna vs. Vader. May be changed to Yokozuna/Ahmed Johnson/Jake Roberts vs. Vader/British Bulldog/Owen Hart. * Undertaker vs. Diesel. Casket Match? * Tag Team Tourny Final (probably Godwins vs. Bodydonnas) on Free-For-All. * Huckster vs. Nacho Man (w/ Billionaire Ted as ref) on Free-For-All. These are the only announced matches (that I can think of.) I assume more will be added. (Savio Vega vs. Steve Austin?) The main event being 60 minutes does hamper the number of possible matches. Uncensored '96 * Hulk Hogan vs. Ric Flair, Kevin Sullivan, Lex Luger, and The Giant (or was it Arn Anderson?) in 4 separate cage matches. * Randy Savage vs. Chris Benoit. * Konnan vs. Eddy Guerrero. U.S. Tile match? (I thought it's unsanctioned?) * Sting/Lex Luger vs. Road Warriors. Chicago Street Fight. Titles probably not on line (how can it be... it's unsanctioned?!) * Johnny B. Badd vs. Diamond Dallas Page. "I Quit" Match, or some such nonsense. And maybe more. A card that's high on marquee names, and low on potential. With some work, it could be salvaged, though. This week's winner: RAW.