[RESULTS/OPINION]Monday Night RAW/Monday Nitro (2/26) (I promise not to say "crap" as many times this week as I did last.) Monday Night RAW: Taped 2/19. - Man, I gotta find that beach Sunny hangs out at! New changes to the intro: Pictures of Piper, Jake's snake, the Million Dollar Belt added. ALL traces of Razor Ramon removed. Uh oh... - JAKE "THE SNAKE" ROBERTS vs. ISAAC YANKEM D.D.S. Wow, is Jake out of shape. Huge bald spot too. The wily vet outsmarts the demented dentist, slapping on the DDT and the pin. Crowd boo's when Jake doesn't use the snake. - Another look at the Ultimate Warrior promo: This time laced with fan's comments: "Bring back the Warrior President Piper!" McMahon says it just might happen. - DIESEL vs. BOB HOLLY Holly gives a fair accounting of himself for most of the match, but as the show is coming back from a commercial, he is suddenly locked into the Jacknife and goes down for the three count. Diesel makes mocking gestures towards the mat, egging the Undertakerto come out if he's under the ring. Nothing happens so he heads back to the lockerroom. Part way there the lights begin to flicker and then go out, as the UT's music plays. When the lights come on, the UT is in the ring. The crowd goes pretty nuts as Diesel, after a moment's hesitation, strides back toward the ring. The lights go out again and when Big Daddy Cool reaches the ring, Undertaker is gone. His image then pops up on the video wall as he taunts Diesel. "You want to play mind games... I'm the master of the mind game!" Says the Undertaker. Diesel was described as having a bad shoulder, to coincide with his absences at last week's house shows. - AHMED JOHNSON vs. SHINOBI THE NINJA (isn't that redundant?) This was an awful match, as Shinobi (Al Snow) kept blowing maneuvers off the ropes (I've heard they were really loose.) This match was so bad, in fact, that the WWF ran a Goldust telephone interview over it to distract the viewers. Goldust recites an innuendo laced poem about Roddy Piper. ("When do I get to play your bagpipes?!") Not once is Razor mentioned as Ahmed Pearl River Plunges and pins the hapless ninja. - Another Mankind promo. He talks about his mother, while petting his pet rat. The camera gives us a good look at the scars on his left arm, but we still can't see his face (or mask.) - Vince McMahon interviews Shawn Michaels and Bret Hart. Both come off as sincere as they do the mutual respect (but I'm better) routine. Out comes Acting President Piper to make a few things clear. Long story short: 60 minute match at WrestleMania where the winner is the man who gets the falls in that time. Piper says "Shake hands now... 'cuz after this you ain't gonna like each other no more!" - BILL & TED vs. DEATH Sorry... wrong channel. - OWEN HART/BRITISH BULLDOG (w/ Jim Cornette) vs. YOKOZUNA A handicap match. This wasn't too bad, simply because the heels acted realisticly. They paid little attention to the ref, often double teaming Yoko. When they did follow the rules, they made quick tags to keep Yoko subdued. Of course, as Yokozuna makes his comeback, Vader appears at ringside. Vader clotheslines Yoko and the ref calls for the DQ. The three work him over until Ahmed Johnson comes out for the save. Ahmed takes care of Owen and the Bulldog, but it takes the arrival of Jake Roberts (and his huge, yellow snake) to chase off Vader. I had missed this run-in in the recaps of the RAW taping, and was surprised at this. It worked, setting up what is now rumored to be a six man match for WrestleMania. - "Larry Fling Live:" This week's guests are the Huckster and Nacho Man. Damned if this wasn't the funniest skit yet! Larry continuously calls the two "geezers," "washed up," etc. Caption at the bottom of the screen reads "Recently injured by ladies shoes." Nacho Man goes into a rant not too far off from some of the stuff Savage actually says. The Huckster's bowels make constant noises. Larry asks how Liz is. The two reply (in unison) "Not so good!" The Huckster, agitated at being called old, grabs a steel chair, but is held at bay as Larry produces a woman's shoe (dramatic music plays.) The show takes a call from Billionaire Ted ("My boss... your boss... just about everyone's boss!") Ted looks on as the two debate who will win at WrassleMania: Nacho Man: "Billionaire Ted promised me I would win!" Huckster: "No way brother... I've gotta win for all my little Huckstermaniacs who buy my merchandise!" Nacho Man: "Don't call me brother. And the only reason they wear your crap is because they give it away and promise them they'll appear on TV! And that's the truth!" (And it is too.) The Huckster finally goes nuts with the steel chair, knocking out the Nacho Man and an assortment of stage hands. The bodies pile up as cartoon sound effects accompany each LIGHT chair shot. Billionaire Ted is shown head in hands as Larry keeps the Huckster back with the ladies shoe. - Next week's main event: Bret Hart vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsly. Shawn Michaels vs. The 1-2-3 Kid. Comments: The wrestling wasn't much to write home about, but the rest of the show was pretty good. The "Larry Fling Live" skit can't be done justice by the above description: It was just too funny. Razor Ramon looks to be gone as every vestige of him was removed from the show. I don't even think they said his name once. My guess is that he's pretaped the "Alley Fight" match for WrestleMania, and will appear in WCW as "The Bad Guy" in a few months. I hope I'm wrong, as his career would be buried in WCW. Monday Nitro: Live. - STING vs. BIG BUBBA Why, oh why, have the Tag Team Champs wrestle individual matches? Eric Bischoff, being the rat bastard that he is, gives away the results for EVERY match over on the "World Whining Federation." Pot. Kettle. Black. Sting pins Bubba after a top rope splash. The match itself was okay, it's just that: 1. Why have the Tag champs in singles matches? 2. It's not as if we haven't seen these two go at it before. 3. Bubba sucks. Sting carried him, but not much. 4. This match went way too long given the result. - Mean Gene interviews Sting, Luger, and the Road Warriors. This was actually good, as Luger talks tough while Sting rolls his eyes. The Roadies goad Luger into accepting a challenge for a "Chicago Street Fight." Sting looks nearly ill as the Warriors leave. Luger smiles at the camera, then asks Mean Gene "What does that mean... a 'Chicago Street fight'?" Sting goes nuts as the two argue to the back. - LEX LUGER vs. THE RENEGADE The Renegade's ring skills seem to have improved slightly, as his physique is going to pot. Is it smart to use not one, but two Ultimate Warrior imitations on the eve of the WWF's bringing back the genuine article? This is one of those epic struggles along the lines of Hercules vs. the Warlord: Two muclebound oafs bumping into each other. The Renegade has the upper hand (even landing his Slo-Mo Handspring Elbow) until Jimmy Hart shows up to push him off the top turnbuckle. Luger retrieves the corpse and Racks it, getting the win. Sting comes out and goes ballistic - demanding an answer as to why Hart came out. Luger avoids eye contact, saying he has no idea. Sting says it was "him or me." Luger goes over and raises Renegade's hand, as if to acknowledge him as the winner. Whether the ref agreed isn't mentioned. - ROAD WARRIORS vs. HARLEM HEAT Hawk pins one of the Heat after Animal kicks him in the head. My thoughts on this match? It went too long. - RIC FLAIR/KEVIN SULLIVAN/ARN ANDERSON (w/ Woman & Elizabeth) vs. HULK HOGAN/RANDY SAVAGE/THE BUTI MAN According to my closed captioning (which WCW does themselves) It's "The Buti Man." Whatever. For some reason, Kimberly (The Doll) comes out with some flowers and watches the early part of the match. Bichoff speculates she's looking to find a new man (after that mean ol' Johnny B. Badd talked the way he did to her this weekend.) After showing her for a few seconds, they apparently forget about her as she's not shown or mentioned again. In what is truly an agonizing match to watch, the Mega Powers are triumphant after the Buti Man throws every opponent into Hogan's Big Boot (tm) and the Hulkster the Legdrops Arn and covers for the pin. Post match, Liz handcuffs the Hulkster in the corner. No wild ranting at the desk this week, as the show runs out of time and ends right there. Thankfully. - Next week's main event: Nitro will be preempted by an airing of TNT's original film "Andersonville." A gripping portrayal of a Confederate Civil War prison camp. Directed by acclaimed filmaker John Frankenheimer. Sounds like a good movie, and I doubt I'll miss Nitro whatsoever. Comments: The booking committee, apparently without the option of using the usual Hogan steel chair rampage, or any ladies shoe attacks, did their best to make up for it. Apparently selling the "Buti Man," (who the announcers still refuse to acknowledge as Brutus, or The Butcher, or Zodiac, yet pretty much admit they know who he is) as a cross between Disco Inferno and the Ultimate Warrior, is WCW's attempt to "spice" things up. Except for the escalation of the tension in the Luger/Sting angle (which was done well,) this show did nothing but to kill an hour and six minutes. Bottom line: It's pretty clear right now that if Nitro wasn't replayed, I wouldn't see it at all. This week's winner: RAW.