Slobberknocker Central Monday Night Recap #234 May 8th, 2000 The Opening Word: It's getting ugly out there, folks. Wrestling fans slapped WCW across the cheek last Monday, rejecting the David Arquette title victory, by handing Nitro one of its lowest two-hour ratings ever. WCW's excuse for the low ratings? Take your pick: * The ratings don't matter. * The ratings were still okay. * The fans are WWF-biased marks. * "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" was on. * Dave Meltzer told everyone not to like the show. The fact that the show sucked, had zero good wrestling, was clogged with stupid angles, nothing made sense, and David Arquette walked out with his title intact apparently had nothing to do with it. One need only listen to WCW Live and hear the desperation and anger which has crept into the voices of those who defend the company. "The show is better now," they meekly proclaim, fearful to admit that ANYTHING the company could do now would be better than it was a few months ago. They can't understand why the fans aren't down on their hands and knees praising the new WCW. They don't see that *better* than rock bottom still isn't *good*. People call in and say they liked the show, thought it was great, thought it was better than it used to be, was better than RAW--and WCW can't understand why all this "praise" heaped on them doesn't translate into good ratings. (Maybe it has something to do with the fact that the millions of viewers WCW has turned off are neither inclined nor able to call into the show to complain.) They know the criticisms are out there, and being unwilling and unable to improve their product so as to quiet those criticisms, they take an easier approach: they attack their critics. "They probably work for the WWF," they offer. "Certainly they're biased in favor of the WWF." Or, this amusing nugget, "they have personal issues with Vince Russo!" "It's true, it's true," says Bob Ryder, "because Dave Meltzer called Russo a retard a few months ago. That proves it." Never mind the fact that Meltzer never called Russo a retard. He called a booking idea of his retarded. A difference, but when you've been as kicked around as much as WCW has, why let the truth prevent you from making up a good defense? The saddest part of this whole war WCW has initiated is that most WCW critics were supportive of WCW when Russo & Bischoff first came back. VERY supportive. Dave Meltzer in particular heaped praise on their first show back. Subsequent shows have seen the praise level off, and the complaints multiply. Why? BECAUSE WCW DESERVES THEM. Oops, no, I mean Dave is a WWF employee who hates Russo. That's why. "But the shows are better!" complain those in WCW. Ignore the illogical angles and silly storylines and bad matches and ego stroking and friends and relatives being pushed and good talent being held back and production flubs and lack of good matches and overall bad, bad, bad, bad show--because the show is BETTER DAMN IT! Well, if it's so damn good, then why did the show last week attract its lowest audience EVER? "(*mumble*) Because you're all WWF-biased marks and there's a conspiracy and Dave Meltzer made you all not like it and the ratings weren't really that bad and the numbers don't matter and it'll take six months to turn around and Vince McMahon once won the World Title and Steve Austin looked fat and, (*sniff*) and, (*choke*) and--" [Rock Mode On:] "AW, SHUT THE HELL UP!!!" [Rock Mode Off:] Here's an idea ... what say WCW stop whining and complaining and throwing around blame and they just admit they screwed up. Stop trying to justify bad decisions. Initiate a strategy, implement it, and stop blaming the fans when they don't like what it is they're doing. The Internet isn't killing their ratings--their BAD SHOWS are killing the ratings and turning off Internet fans. Giving David Arquette the WCW World Heavyweight Title because it would get them publicity is NOT a valid justification to those who disliked the move. It's an explanation, not an excuse. Don't act so upset when you tell the fans "you don't matter, we want to pull in new fans," and then those fans become outraged. WCW has NO RIGHT to be upset. The fans do. Don't blame the fans who can't see the "master plan" when WCW itself changes their plans two hours before every show. When WCW says their biggest problem is criticisms from Dave Meltzer, Wade Keller or Bruce Mitchell, you know this is a company with its head buried in the sand. Or up its ass. Feeling the sting (and the pressure to turn the ratings around) WCW offered an apology to the fans by offering up a Thunder on Wednesday in which every babyface in the company beat a heel. In matches? No, not really. More like street fights in which the wrestlers themselves (or announcers, or sound crew) could declare the winners. Ric Flair scored a rare victory in a battle royal featuring nearly every contracted WCW wrestler. It was the very definition of a "clusterf**k", but was entertaining nonetheless--one of the first times I myself could honestly admit that regarding a Bischoff/Russo show. Wrestling fans were apathetic to the gesture, though, as the audience was basically the same as the previous week (lower, actually, though the show did start an hour earlier, meaning some fans tuned in late, causing a lower rating). Vince Russo made the interview rounds again later in the week. Unable to take credit yet for turning WCW around, he instead took credit for the WWF's *current* level of success! He claims the WWF wouldn't be doing as well as they are now if it weren't for McMahon "panicking" and doing drastic things to combat the WCW return of Russo & Bischoff. Russo has certainly learned the art of doubletalk well from Vince McMahon, and has now added WCW's defense strategies to his repertoire. Ask Russo and he'll tell you that he hasn't made on single wrong decision now or in his previous stint running WCW. It's the fans who are wrong. WCW went into Slamboree knowing they would draw another embarrassingly low buyrate, but that it would probably do better than their last, so they'd be able to claim a moral victory. The show itself would go a long ways towards regaining fans, as a strong showing would solidify the support of those few remaining, and hopefully earn the company enough buzz to draw a big Monday night audience (not to mention building to the next PPV). A bad show, on the other hand, or an uneventful one, would be another setback. Spring Stampede was viewed as a so-so show, solid but unspectacular, as part of the foundation for the rebuilding WCW. With a month having passed--a whole month with which to plan this show, wrestling fans were looking for something a bit more substantive out of the new creative team. If they couldn't deliver on this show, what assumption would there be that they could deliver on ANY show, no matter how much time they were given to prepare. With Slamboree WCW could prove it really had a master plan, and wasn't just scrapping everything every Tuesday after the ratings came out. WCW may have earned a stay of execution for one more week, as most reviews for Slamboree were favorable. Pulling the World Title off of David Arquette seems to have done the trick, wooing a number of those lost Internet fans back into the fold. Most described the show as mediocre to average, but that the main event made up for the lacking undercard. Positives of the show were a sense that many of the wrestlers worked hard, and--as mentioned--the main event. Kanyon's big bump off the cage onto the gimmicked ramp also got the desired reaction. Negatives include two or three matches unanimously singled out as boring and/or bad, gratuitous run-ins, Russo recycling another of his old WWF booking ideas, the lack of a finish in the Kanyon/Mike Awesome match, and the "surprise" turns done by David Flair and David Arquette. In what's become a trademark of Vince Russo's story writing, neither David turn made much sense. Both were surprises in that no one saw them coming, but the reason no one saw either coming is because neither fit within the current storylines. David Flair has already turned on his father Ric once before--a turn never adequately explained. He then patched things up with no explanation at all. His turning again came as a shock for no other reason than neither he nor Ric have had anything to do with each other for the last few months. Anyone in the company could have done the turn and it would have had the same affect. The David Arquette turn on DDP made even less sense. Arquette has only been a player in WCW for two weeks. His actions at the PPV dictate that this was some kind of pre-arranged plan between he and Jarrett. To suggest that arrangement was made any length of time prior to the PPV would take a whole lot of explaining, and would seem to contradict everything we've seen on TV. No matter when it took place, the question is what made Arquette turn on DDP? The answer, whatever it is--if one is even offered, isn't likely to mean much to the fans anyway, as they've only had two weeks of Arquette to digest as a babyface. It's pretty clear that Russo wanted to have a surprise in the main event, and that's why he turned Arquette. Maybe they'll say this was the plan all along: that Arquette and Bischoff faked their hostilities to get DDP in that tag match on Thunder. David then pinned Eric to win the belt, helping assure that Jarrett would get it back easily at the PPV. (Of course Jarrett wouldn't have had to win it back in the first place if it wasn't for Arquette beating Bischoff on Nitro, which earned DDP the shot in which he won the title to begin with.) So WCW finds itself back where it was, at square one, about a month ago. Jarrett has his World Title back, rendering the switches with DDP and Arquette pointless. Everyone else still holds the titles they won at the last PPV. A few Millionaires Club members did some jobs, but all are still at the same level they were at last month, with most of the New Blood guys still below them looking up. The WWF found itself in a similar situation earlier this year, prompting some fans on the Net to label them "boring", and accuse them of running out of ideas. Somehow I doubt WCW will earn the same label, now that they've swayed a lot of Internet fans back into "let's overlook the crap" mode. The stage is thus set for a Nitro in which two Davids have some 'splaining to do, as WCW begins its march to the Great American Bash, a PPV which, barring any changes, will be headlined by a Jeff Jarrett/Ric Flair match. The WWF counters with a RAW which will rely totally on the elevation of new superstars. The Rock is in Morocco filming "The Mummy 2" until next weekend. In his place Chris Jericho assumes the role of the company's top babyface. Backing him up will be the Big Show, Rikishi and the Dudley Boyz--who fully turned babyface last Thursday on SmackDown! following a backstage run-in with Stephanie McMahon. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WCW Monday Nitro: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Two Hours+. Location: St. Louis, Missouri. Hosted By: Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson & Mark Madden. HOUR ONE: - PPV stills open the show. Kanyon's dive off the cage is shown. Cut to an "Earlier Today" shot of Kanyon laid up in a hospital bed, DDP sitting at his side. DDP is mocked by Eric Bischoff, then attacked by various New Blood members. Kimberly closes out the clip dumping a bedpan full of urine on DDP. The F.U.N.B.D.X. Express pulls up. - Jeff Jarrett, Bischoff, Mike Awesome, Kimberly & David Arquette hit the ring. Bischoff brags about the swerve he and the gang cooked up. Turns out Arquette was in cahoots with them all along, meaning they went to elaborate lengths to accomplish something they could have done easily at any time along the way. Arquette's payoff was his title victory. Makes sense I guess. Bischoff then starts badmouthing the Internet fans and, well, screw him. Everyone takes a turn blabbing on the mic. DDP arrives and comes out to brawl with Awesome. DDP is quickly outnumbered, until Sting & Kronic make the save. Hey, why not have Sting turn on DDP? That'd be a surprise. - Mean Gene interviews Bischoff. DDP vs. Awesome in a "Stretcher Match" later tonight. Sting vs. Jarrett as well. - Norman Smiley reminds Ralphus that if they don't beat Terry Funk tonight, they're fired. - TERRY FUNK vs. NORMAN SMILEY/RALPHUS Bad comedy match, with no wrestling to speak of. Smiley and Funk go for a ride on a golf cart. The two then trade food tray blows in the kitchen. Ralphus comes in, belly and ass hanging out, and tries his best to "accidentally" hit Smiley. He keeps missing, so Funk finally pounds him and Smiley silly with the flimsy tray, and covers both for the pin. Smiley's upset because he doesn't know how to drive a truck. I don't want to hear anyone complain about any comedy segment in the WWF ever again after this. Ric Flair tells Lex Luger he needs to confront his son David alone. I guess Flair learned his lesson from before when David turned on him and Ric basically ignored it. - Update: Kanyon's on death's door. Is anyone else bothered by the fact that WCW chose Kemper Arena, of all places, to do an angle involving an injury caused by a fall from a high place? - Flair comes out. He talks about tradition and sacrifice and so on, displaying the old NWA title belt he wore before he had the "30 pounds of gold" made. He also displays a replica of that belt. Flair calls out David. Just as this is getting interesting, Schiavone ruins it by overselling the moment. It's further spoiled when David and Daffney come out with Vince Russo. Tell me that this is for the company's benefit and not just Russo's ego running hog wild. Russo says he spits on tradition, and rattles off some old wrestler's names. Ric and David get into an exchange, finally saying all the stuff that should have been said the last time. Net fans are going to eat this up with a spoon. Oops--now they hook me in when Ric pulls out a cell phone and threatens to call the WWF. "I didn't burn any bridges. He burned bridges. I'll call Vince McMahon and you'll be on RAW next week!" Ric doesn't want to air their grievances in public. David crosses over to stand by Ric. Flair goes after Russo, taking back the Rolex Russo stole from him a few weeks ago. David then smashes a glass Statue of Liberty over Flair's head. Russo takes the watch back. I still can't get over this being a rehash of something they already did, but at least they're doing it better the second time around. - Flair tells Luger backstage that he's had enough, and leaves in his limo. - Out comes Chuck Palumbo. Who? Seriously, I have no idea who this guy is. A power plant scrub? He's the New Blood's version of the Total Package. Whatever. He looks like a smaller version of Paul Wight, or a really bulked-up X-Pac. He steals Luger's music, light show and posing routine. Again, whatever. God, he even sucks on the mic like Luger. Luger comes out and the two fight. R&B (Russo & Bischoff) Security comes out to detain Liz. Without her help, Luger is left laying by Palumbo. Not even WCW's ultra-mark fans got into this. 55 minutes in and no wrestling yet to speak of. - Luger is loaded into an ambulance. Cut to Russo ordering everyone but Liz and Daffney out of the room. Russo orders the two to wrestle tonight. If Liz wins Russo will rip up her contract. - SHAWN "PERFECT ONE" STASIAK vs. CAPTAIN RECTION (w/ Curt Hennig) "Captain Rection", AKA "Hugh G. Rection", AKA Hugh Morrus comes out with Hennig. Almost instantly Miss Hancock comes out and--THANK GOD, RAW IS FINALLY STARTING!!! HOUR TWO: ... Stasiak scores a quick pin when Hennig trips up Morrus. The Misfits in Action (Lash LeRoux and others) hop the rail, but it's too late. Kevin Nash then comes out and nails Stasiak. Clearing the ring, Nash calls out Vince Russo. Billy Kidman leads the Filthy Animals out instead. Kidman calls Nash the "low man on the scrotum pole". The censors bleep it, but Madden instantly repeats it, which doesn't get bleeped. Konan adds some filthy comments and the Animals charge, but are handled easily by Nash. Enter Hulk Hogan, and the Animals flee in terror. Before they leave, Nash challenges them to all to a street fight. - DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE vs. MIKE AWESOME SEVENTY-FIVE MINUTES into the show and we finally get a real match. Eric Bischoff and Kimberly are out for color commentary. Kimberly says DDP won't be a member of the Millionaire's Club much longer. (I wonder if she'll get back that $13 million worth of bingo winnings he took from her?) Two minutes into the match Kimberly tries to get DDP to sign the divorce papers. He tears them up. Awesome uses the distraction to score a chair shot. Then another. A DDT onto the chair and DDP is loaded onto a stretcher. DDP gets up before they reach the stage, and he comes back to the ring. DDP's been busted open, signaling more selective camera shots to avoid the blood. Awesome powerbombs DDP through a table. Kim and Eric then come in and, with a pen in DDP's hand, scribbles on the divorce papers. Madden says that's legal. DDP is loaded on the stretcher again and carted out. Not a good match, but an effective segment nonetheless. Russo begs (wow--begs, Russo is human after all) Scott Steiner to protect him from Kevin Nash. Steiner tells him not to touch him, and walks away. - Russo's seen talking to Tank Abbott. - Mean Gene interviews Jeff Jarrett. - Scott Steiner and his deeee-licious ho's come out. Steiner mutters some filth, then calls out Booker T. Tank Abbott comes in instead, and clobbers Steiner with a couple punches. - Mean Gene interviews Sting. His match against Jarrett tonight is for the title. - THE MAMALUKES vs. HARLEM HEAT 2K vs. THE HARRIS TWINS vs. KRONIC Are Kronic the Tag Team Champions? Apparently Bagwell & Douglas are still the tag champs, and all these teams have been sent by Russo to get the belts back from Kronic. Buff Bagwell & Shane Douglas come out as well. Who's the more embarrassing partner: Buff Bagwell or Johnny Ace? (Is "New Blood" really that much better a nickname than the "Dynamic Dudes"?) This is a mess. Brian Adams pins Big Vito, eliminating the Mamalukes, followed by Bryan Clark pinning one of the Harris Boys. Big Cash is clotheslined over the top. Talk about a freakishly huge waste of space. Stevie Ray then accidentally hits Big T with his slapjack, so he walks out. Both Kronic members pin Big T, winning the match. Douglas & Bagwell, meanwhile have regained their title belts. Here comes Scott Steiner, clotheslining Bagwell & Douglas on his way into the ring. He gives Big Cash a crowd-popping suplex, then calls out Tank Abbott, saying he won't let the show continue until he comes out. Backstage we see Abbott berating security head Doug Dellinger about something. - SCOTT STEINER vs. TANK ABBOTT Abbott comes out like Goldberg, with the security escort, fireworks, and using Goldberg's theme music. Why am I suddenly reminded of Gillberg? The match consists of a few punches thrown, with Steiner climbing on top of Abbott and wailing away. In comes Rick Steiner. Can you guess what happens? I don't actually have to write it, do I? Schiavone says "I stopped trying to figure this program out a long time ago!" Amen, Tony, amen. Russo tells Liz she's up next, then stops off at another door and tells someone behind it that he needs them on standby. Of course the cameraman shows no interest whatsoever in who it may be. - ELIZABETH vs. DAFFNEY Liz is dressed on cammo fatigues and a black t-shirt. Whatever the age difference between her and Daffney is, take that number of years and that's how many times hotter Liz is. Daffney runs around shrieking. Liz grabs her by the hair and flips her! Again! Suddenly Madusa runs in. Yawn! This was actually interesting for the 30 seconds they let it go. Mona makes the save, or at least tries, but Madusa is too tough. There must be a train coming, because all I can hear is *DING-DING-DING-DING!* Liz comes back in with a chair and whacks Madusa. Even though she should have won by DQ, Liz is declared the loser, and R&B Security comes out to collect her. Hogan & Nash ... W ... A ... L ... K ... I ... N ... G ... - KEVIN NASH/HULK HOGAN vs. THE FILTHY ANIMALS (w/ Torrie Wilson) Juventud Guerrera comes out, to quote Schiavone, "for no apparent reason." Hogan and Nash have no trouble with the Animals. Kidman, Konnan and Rey Rey run from the ring, with Hogan following. Nash eats a drop-kick from Guerrera, but quickly recovers. Hogan, meanwhile, is ambushed backstage and dumped in the trunk of the Filthy Animals' car. They'll bury him in the desert now? Nash powerbombs Guerrera and the bell rings. The Filthy Animals try to leave the arena, but their car is stopped by a monster truck ... a GOLDBERG monster truck--blocking their path. - Someone let Hogan out of the trunk. - JEFF JARRETT vs. STING The show is running WAY over at this point. Not much happens when Sting is suddenly attacked by Vampiro, who pops up through the mat (again, yawn). Vampiro pulls him down ("STRAIGHT TO HELL!!!"?), accompanied by "spooky smoke" special effects supplied by a fire extinguisher. Oh, brother. A loud "bullshit!" chant breaks out from the crowd. AMEN! Sting comes up once again coated by the MYSTERIOUS LIQUID. (Would it kill them to call it blood?) Other New Mysterious Liquid members come out. They're then shocked and stunned to see Kevin Nash and Hulk Hogan come back out. Meanwhile, outside, other heels flee in terror as the Goldberg monster truck smashes a car. Cor-ny! The show ends 11 minutes later than usual--a full 16 minutes after the hour. - This Wednesday: Thunder returns to its usual time. - Next week: Nothing announced. Comments: This show was awful, but an entertaining kind of awful. I saw some good, a lot of bad, and while I can't give WCW a pass by overlooking that, I will level with you and say I was entertained by more this week than any other Russo/Bischoff show. I think I'll leave it at that and move on ... ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WWF RAW is WAR: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Two Hours+. Location: Uniondale, New York. Hosted By: Jim Ross & Jerry "The King" Lawler. WWF RAW: - Edge & Christian come out, accompanied by the APA. I Thought these two teams were wrestling tonight? Our tag champs pose for SIX seconds for flash photos. They throw out an open challenge, telling the Acolytes to stay sober long enough to watch their backs. "Stay sober?" asks Bradshaw. "Hell, son, we ain't sober right now!" Faarooq offers them a refund and-- EDGE/CHRISTIAN vs. THE ACOLYTES Some good action here, rendered pointless by the finish, which sees Christian bring in the ring bell. Bradshaw gets hold of it, and the ref seeing him with it DQ's the Acolytes. The Bossman and Bull Buchanan then run in and leave the Acolytes laying. Clips from SmackDown! set the stage for tonight's McMahon-Helmsley Regime antics. - The M-H-R make their way out. Triple H launches into a tirade which I swear lasts ten minutes. Seriously, he goes on and on about Earl Hebner and the Rock. He draws tons of heat, but it doesn't seem like he's ever going to stop talking! The only substantive development to come out of this is Triple H announcing he'll face the Rock in a rematch for the WWF Championship in a 60 minute "Iron Man Match" at Judgment Day. The one with the most falls after an hour wins. Now I like the Rock, and I like Triple H, but I don't think I've been dying to see them go at it for 60 minutes. Vince then takes the mic, but before he can say anything, "Y2J" Chris Jericho comes out. Jericho say he wants to apologize to Vince ... for kicking his ass last Thursday, for calling Stephanie a "skanky, brutal, bottom-feeding trashbag HO!", and for Vince creating the WWF empire to make up for his small penis! Vince threatens to sic the troops on Jericho, but thinks better of it when Jericho is backed up on the stage by the Big Show, Rikishi and the Dudley Boyz. Vince instead announces a few matches: Jericho vs. Kurt Angle for the IC Title; The Dudleyz vs. Gerald Brisco; Rikishi vs. Pat Patterson. Huh? Well, there's two bad matches guaranteed tonight. - KURT ANGLE vs. CHRIS JERICHO They run the ropes to start. Jericho takes control with some stiff chops. Angle fights back with some punches. Angle is knocked to the floor, then off the apron when he comes back in by a Jericho springboard drop-kick. A baseball slide misses. Angle is sent into the steps. Back in the ring Angle comes back with a big suplex out of the corner. Angle takes control for a while. Jericho fights back backbreaker and a near pin. They're really speeding things up now, going for pins and such. Angle jockeys Jericho in position for a hold, but Jericho escapes, slaps on the Walls of Jericho, and Angle submits. Nice match, with a clean finish to boot! Seems a bit early for Jericho to call it a night, doesn't it? Shane McMahon can't believe how lucky (i.e. good) Jericho is. Suddenly the Big Show walks in and Shane is about to be a fatality--except that he fast talks his way out of a beating by saying he was just trying to bring out the Big Show's killer instinct. Now that he's back to old form, Shane will reward him with a shot at Jericho and the IC Title tonight. The scene ends with Shane getting a call on his cell phone. - EDDIE GUERRERO (w/ Chyna) vs. THE GODFATHER (w/ Ho's) Pretty mediocre Ho's this week. Godfather tells Chyna he liked what he saw when she was in her underwear at Backlash. He offers to replace his whole group of Ho's tonight if she'll get on the Ho train. She declines. Not a good match, but look what Eddie has to work with! Godfather has Eddie in the corner, about to deliver the Ho Train, when Chyna jumps up on the apron. D-Lo Brown ... huh? ... where'd he come from? ... gives the Godfather the Sky High. Eddie adds a devastating drop-kick and scores the pin. I'd rather have seen another match with Essa Rios. There's the Dudleyz with a table. - THE DUDLEY BOYZ vs. GERALD BRISCO Brisco, who comes out to "Real American", announces that his partners for the match are T & A. No Trish Stratus--she'll still "recovering" from getting wood. There's some funny stuff here when Brisco is tagged in and he actually wrestles! Brisco's a legit star from years ago, and still has some skills left. Some. He does a drop toehold, an elbow off the ropes ... even a high floating legdrop! The Dudleyz eventually battle back, winning the match by giving Test the 3D through a table (this being a "Table Match"). Post-match X-Pac & Road Dogg run in. Buh-Buh Ray is put on a table. Splash off the top by Brisco puts Buh-Buh THROUGH THE TABLE! GERALD BRISCO IS SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT!!! I wouldn't call this a good match, but it was fun to watch. Jericho ... Big Show ... Shane McMahon ... NEXT! WWF WAR ZONE: - CHRIS JERICHO vs. THE BIG SHOW (w/ Shane McMahon) The Show has Jericho on the ropes when a replay of what happened earlier comes on the Titan-Tron. It goes beyond what we saw, showing Shane badmouthing the Big Show while on the cell phone, claiming he has the big man brainwashed. Big Show chases Shane from the ring area, earning a countout win for Jericho (according to Lillian Garcia anyway). Who had the video clip played? Shane hops into a car and drives off. Vince jokes that this is the first time Shane's ever driven himself anywhere. Stephanie asks him what he's going to do about his promise that Jericho would walk out without the IC Title? Kid Rock is coming to RAW? - TOO COOL vs. THE BIG BOSSMAN/BULL BUCHANAN Scotty Too Hotty and Grandmaster Sexay score a quick upset pin. Over time I could live with Buchanan, but right now he and the Bossman should be kept on Heat and the syndicated show. Dean Malenko and Perry Saturn argue backstage. Chris Benoit steps in and tells them to shape up, that they all came in the WWF together. Eddie then comes in and makes a fool of himself with his awful accent. I guess the idea here is that Eddie, the one who's most adapted a WWF-style cartoon character, is the most successful, while Saturn doesn't have the right attitude and is without a title belt. - THE RADICALZ vs. THE HARDY BOYZ A nice match, but you could see the finish coming a mile away. A miscue between Saturn and Malenko leads to Jeff Hardy hitting the Swanton Bomb on Malenko and scoring the pin. Dean and Perry argue afterwards. Eddie and Chyna come out to separate them. Saturn clobbers Eddie, while Dean slugs Chyna! Referees have to come in to keep them all apart. Rikishi Ass Cam! Pat Patterson tells Brisco he hopes Vince has a plan up his sleeve like he did for him. - RIKISHI PHATU vs. PAT PATTERSON Vince & Brisco come out, with Vince announcing that Pat's partners for the match will be Road Dogg & X-Pac. Gay Joke of the Match: "That's more ass than Patterson can handle!" Rikishi wins by DQ when Road Dogg hits him with a chair. Patterson then strips down to his BVD's, revealing a BIG BROWN SKIDMARK! He rubs it in Rikishi's face! "That must smell like moldy fruit!" I hereby rescind my order to WCW fans to not complain about bad WWF comedy angles. HHUUUUURRRRGGGGHHHHH!!! - The RC Edge whatever plug shows the clip from Heat of Chris Benoit putting Tazz out of commission. The good news is Tazz won't need surgery, and will be back in six weeks or so. An operation would have put him on the shelf for months. - Benoit has words for Jericho. - Jericho is unwavering in his opinion of the McMahons. - Shane returns to the arena. First he chews out his driver, then asks if the Big Show has left the building? - CHRIS BENOIT vs. CHRIS JERICHO Triple H comes out first and names himself the special "enforcer" referee outside the ring. Almost no pop for Jericho when he comes out--not a good sign. I can't agree with the way he was used tonight. He and Benoit have a good match, but Jericho is obviously tired (and selling that he's even more tired than he really is). Benoit too is selling those injuries he supposedly received last week in his last match with Jericho. That, and the dead crowd, drops this match down several notches from their previous encounters. A shoving match between the ref and Benoit leads to Benoit shoving triple H, Triple H shoving back, then Triple H clobbering the ref. From there Triple H, now the official referee, plays favorites. Y2J applies the Walls of Jericho following a nice set of reversals. Benoit eventually taps out, but by this time Triple H has gone over to chat with Stephanie. Jericho releases the hold. That allows Benoit to slap on the Crippler Crossface. Triple H immediately calls for the bell. New IC Champion. The rest of the M-H-R come out to lay in the beating, like Earl Hebner got last week. The crowd is still dead, knowing that there's no way either the Rock or Steve Austin can come make the save. Big Show, Rikishi, Too Cool and the Dudleyz run in, but it's far too little, too late. - This Thursday: Nothing announced. - Next week: Nothing announced. Comments: I don't know if it was the first hour of Nitro which did me in, or something about the flat Long Island crowd, but to me this show never really seemed to get on track. It wasn't bad--it had its moments, but the WWF's vision for what should have happened here didn't really impress me. I guess my main problem was that instead of presenting Jericho as a strong stand-in for the Rock, they instead gave him a more traditional babyface series of herculean tasks to perform. By the time his third match rolled around, the writing was so obviously on the wall that he would lose the belt, and as I noted above, the fans knew there was no one who could come to the rescue. Any other show and they would have been chanting Austin or the Rock's name. The finish was telegraphed to the fans hard and early--they knew they were going to go home unhappy. That was especially disappointing given that SmackDown! last week was the same kind of show. Vince & crew took out their frustrations on Hebner. This week should have gone in favor of the good guys. But it didn't, and not only were fans let down for the second straight show (not counting Heat or the Saturday PPV obviously), but they also saw that without the Rock around, these guys couldn't get the best of the McMahon-Helmsley Regime. This was also the latest show in a streak of many in which the WWF didn't unveil any big surprises. Not that I want them to hotshot anything, but it'd be nice to think the WWF has some big, cool surprise up their sleeves, and that they're not just coasting to Judgment Day. Does anyone else see Shawn Michaels being the perfect man to referee the "Iron man Match" at Judgment Day, given he's the winner of the only other "Iron Man Match" in WWF history? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Bottom Line: Which was worse, the piss-pan on Nitro or the shit-streak on RAW? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Slobberknocker Central" and "Monday Night Recap" are copyright 2000 by John Petrie, and all opinions expressed therein are his own, and not those of "USLink". Check the "Slobberknocker Central" main page for info on how to receive the "Recap" free via E-Mail every week. Volume One, Number 234 of the "Monday Night Recap", May 8th, 2000.