Slobberknocker Central Monday Night Recap #232 April 24th, 2000 The Opening Word: Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me ... Both WCW and the WWF got good news re: upcoming scheduling last week. WCW learned that the NBA playoffs won't affect Nitro, at least in the first round. (I'm not sure if Thunder will be affected, but there's talk that many upcoming Thunder tapings have been canceled, meaning either Thunder won't be on, or it will be, but they will just be recap shows.) The WWF also learned (or at least reported publicly for the first time) that the Rock's involvement with "The Mummy 2" will only take a week next month. The WWF could, theoretically, pre-tape some stuff with him and show it while he's gone, therefore not suffering at all by his absence. There had been a long-running assumption by fans that the Rock would be gone for weeks making the movie. I guess this means the Rock role as the "Scorpion King" is either a small part, or a non-speaking role requiring a small number of shots (beefed up with all kind of post-production special affects, no doubt). I can't comment too much on anything else that might have happened since last week in the wrestling world, as I spent the weekend on vacation in the Twin Cities. Let's just say I found a unique way to celebrate Easter and my birthday. I'd tell you about it, but it involves mature themes and may not be suitable for all audiences. Oh, I did hear that Tazz dropped the ECW Title to Tommy Dreamer Saturday night at Cyberslam 2000 in the ECW Arena. Dreamer then turned around and dropped it to Justin Credible in an impromptu match. As I guy who's hated Credible from day one, let me thank Paul Heyman for totally killing off what little interest this Tazz/WWF/ECW thing sparked in me last week. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WCW Monday Nitro: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Two Hours+. Location: Rochester, New York. Hosted By: Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson & Mark Madden. HOUR ONE: - There's a new opening this week, featuring the Nitro logo with an explosion behind it. - Sting and Vampiro are brawling backstage. Sting gets the better of the fight, but makes the mistake of turning his back, allowing Vampiro one last shot from behind with a pipe. - Who did Bret Hart hit with the chair when the show went off the air last week? It annoys me when the announcers talk like they don't know what happened. We'll see what happened later. By the way, how many of you were surprised last week when Thunder wasn't on? If they mentioned it on Nitro I missed it. Keeping a (sometimes up-to-date and accurate) schedule on my website I knew it wouldn't be on, but I'm sure many others didn't. - TERRY FUNK vs. BAM BAM BIGELOW There's some plunder shots, Ernest "The Cat" Miller runs in, and eventually Miller knocks Bigelow out with a kick. Funk, who's got a trash can over his head and shoulders, falls on top of Bigelow for the pin. Miller comes in afterwards to dance. I'm already bored with the show, and watching it with my old high school buddy (who has recently become a huge WWF fan), it's even harder to watch the show. "Who's that old guy?" "What a gut on that guy!" "What a flimsy garbage can." I think I'm going to compile some interesting data from the "average fan" tonight. - They show Hart hitting Hogan with the chair. I guess Thunder will be on this week, because Hart's scheduled to appear to say why he did what he did. - Billy Kidman & Torrie Wilson come out. Kidman challenges Hogan to a fight, and adds he'll take care of him for good at the PPV. - Vince Russo, backstage, tells Norman Smiley if he gets a partner, the two of them can fight Terry Funk at the PPV. That ain't fair! - Jeff Jarrett, Eric Bischoff & Kimberly come out. Jarrett cuts a promo on Diamond Dallas Page. They show footage from "Ready to Rumble" of the three level steel cage, which Jarrett and DDP will fight in at the PPV. Speaking of "Ready to rumble", the film's star David Arquette is at ringside. They must have comped him his seat, because "Ready to Rumble" hasn't earned enough money to allow Arquette to buy a ticket. Skipping ahead, Kimberly (va-voom!) tells DDP that she wants a divorce, and has the papers for him to sign. DDP comes out and tells her to stop acting like a "super bitch". He attacks Bischoff, but Jarrett takes him out with a guitar shot. Here comes David Arquette, clobbering Bischoff. Jarrett then goes after Arquette, but he's attacked by Kanyon. The two sides are separated and Bischoff, being pulled down the aisle, accepts a challenge from Arquette to a match. If Arquette wins, DDP gets a shot at Jarrett's title in a steel cage. Well, if the cage is already there, that pretty much assures Arquette's going to win, right? Boring interview segment, but at least it set up a few matches, so that's okay. - Jarrett's pissed at Bischoff, but Bischoff says he's got things covered. Cue an hour of the announcers telling us what an experienced karate fighter Eric Bischoff is. - Sting's looking for Vampiro. - CHRIS CANDIDO/TAMMY SYTCH vs. THE ARTIST/PAISLEY Tammy is all nipples and butt crack tonight, which is fine by me, though there's maybe a bit too much junk in that trunk for my tastes. Recreational drug use has destroyed Tammy's voice. To call this a "match" is like calling "Ready to Rumble" a "good movie". Tammy & Paisley roll around on the mat a lot, giving us plenty of Tammy's southern exposure. Tammy also does a plancha off the top to the floor which is so nice, I won't say a thing about her fat ass next week. Tammy gets the pin on Paisley. Chalk up two bad-but-short-and-slightly-entertaining matches thus far tonight. Sting's still looking for Vampiro, and makes his way out to the ring. Tammy sees him coming and rolls her big can out of the ring (I said I'd be nice to her NEXT week). Sting drops Candido with the Scorpion Deathdrop. Sting, catchphrases sounding as forced as ever, challenges Vampire-oh to a "First Blood" match tonight. - Arquette's getting some pointers from DDP and Kanyon. - TEAM PACKAGE (w/ Elizabeth) vs. KRONIC The fact that Flair is still wrestling in his street clothes is both a welcome sight and insulting. I think if you've hit the point where the company doesn't like the look of your saggy body in the ring, and you can't go away for a few weeks to tighten up, it's probably time to hang up the boots. Nothing much happening in this match. Miss Hancock comes out for no reason and does nothing. Buff Bagwell & Shane Douglas hit the ring with baseball bats and start a swinging. Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding! Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding! Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding! Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding! After the bellkeeper finally STOPS RINGING THE DAMN BELL, Kronic turns on Bagwell & Douglas. I think Flair was actually pinned somewhere in all that, but it's hard to tell because of ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding! Vampiro accepts Sting's challenge. Kidman gets chewed out by Bischoff for challenging Hogan. Eric says he should let him handle such things. - Now Mean Gene is on hand to get comments from Team Gray Hair. Bischoff says Mike Awesome will be Kidman's protection, and tells Hogan to find himself a partner. This prompts talk from Mark Madden how Hogan has backstabbed so many people backstage that he can't possibly find a partner. You know, it's true, but since Madden is a heel announcer, when he says that kind of stuff the average fan just assumes he's lying. And of course if Hogan does find a partner, then Madden comes off looking stupid. Oh well, nothing wrong with that. Oh yeah, "Mr. Bischoff" will be the referee in the Hogan/Kidman match at the PPV. And his son will be the guest time keeper. But Bischoff's wife will come out next week and announce that Randy Savage will be in Hogan's corner. Eric's daughter, who I think is married to Jeff Jarrett, will then come out and slap Mrs. Bischoff across the cheek ... - BILLY KIDMAN/MIKE AWESOME (w/ Torrie Wilson) vs. HULK HOGAN The 24" Pythons comes out alone, wearing a black vest with "F.U.N.B." on the back. I guess that means "F*** U New Blood". ("F.U.B.A.R." would be more appropriate.) Kidman runs away, leaving Awesome to fight Hogan. The match is mostly Hogan's, except for when Awesome gets hold of Hogan's weight belt and whips him with it. Kidman tries to sneak in some shots, which Hogan always no-sells. Kidman is finally able to hit Hogan with a chair. The bladejob this time isn't as obvious. Awesome pulls a table from under the ring, brings it in, and powerbombs Hogan through it! Another table is set up and Kidman splashes Hogan through it (nice saw cut line there). Leg drop!! Kidman gets the pin!!! Oh, I take it all back! Hogan's a hero for doing the job, and Kidman is wrestling's next top star! Here comes Kevin Nash to save the day! Oh, if only this were all as exciting as all these exclamation points make it seem! Torrie takes out Nash with a low blow and Kidman & Awesome leave him laying. Hogan's going to destroy Kidman at the PPV. Funny how Hogan ends up in what will be this show's highest rated quarter hour. Bischoff ... Arquette ... RAW ... NEXT! HOUR TWO: - ERIC BISCHOFF (w/ Kimberly) vs. DAVID ARQUETTE (w/ DDP) Arquette comes out to that ugly chick Bif Naked video. Do I need to describe how bad this one is? Spear by Arquette? The Worm?! So all the wrestling Arquette knows, he learned from Goldberg and the WWF? Jeff Jarrett breaks up a pin attempt by pulling out the ref. The referee is whipped out in the ensuing scuffle between Jarrett and DDP. DDP goes down to a belt shot. Bischoff then holds Arquette for a guitar shot, but Arquette escapes and Bischoff eats it. Kanyon comes in to remove Jarrett from the picture. Arquette covers, the ref recovers, 1 ... 2 ... 3. Big celebration from the box office flops. Sting's up in the rafters again. - The celebration continues backstage. - Scott Steiner comes out with his ho's. Better pull out my Steroid to English dictionary. Steiner talks about Booker costing him the World Title last week. Booker comes out to retort. Interest ... level ... rapidly ... depleting. The skanks distract Booker and Steiner attacks. The two fight into and through the commercial break. - I'm sick of seeing Arquette, Kanyon & DDP. - Great, now we're getting a match between Douglas & Bagwell and Kronic. - SHANE DOUGLAS/BUFF BAGWELL vs. KRONIC Explain to me again how Bagwell *doesn't* represent everything Douglas hated about WCW? We finally get some semblance of wrestling. Not very good, mind you, but it's the first real match of the show. Vince Russo then comes in with a bat and starts hitting the Brians. The ref calls for a DQ, so Russo hits him too. Russo then counts a pinfall for Bagwell. Somebody must have screwed up here, because this is the first match (besides Hogan's) that went longer than two minutes. There's Tank Abbott. - Abbott hits the ring and does his usual Goldberg challenge. This week's gratuitous victims? Bob Ryder, Jeremy Borash and Bill Banks. Who? True to reports, Bob Ryder is a big fat guy. - JEFF JARRETT (w/ Vince Russo) vs. DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE DDP is out first, and he "hides" on the roof of the cage. In plain sight. Jarrett somehow misses him and gets surprised by DDP dropping down. The two go into a WWF match, brawling around ringside, in and out of the crowd, before ever even entering the cage. Jarrett is in control as they enter the cage. DDP eventually rallies back, prompting Mike Awesome to rip off the cage door and attack his brother the Undertaker--I mean help Jarrett. DDP has Jarrett covered, and the ref gets to two. Awesome is there to stop the three count, but he's attacked by Kanyon, so the ref continues his count, making DDP the winner and three time, three time ... ah, forget it. Page, Kanyon and Arquette hit the crowd to celebrate. Decent enough match. I don't see what giving DDP the belt accomplishes, but whatever. Shouldn't this have ended the show? - STING vs. VAMPIRO WCW, proving they're a company stupid enough to avoid criticism, but smart enough to repeat it, lowers Sting from the ceiling at a saner rate of speed this week. Vampiro has to spend a long time looking the wrong way so Sting can disengage himself from his harness--another reason they shouldn't do the stunt. The match is all Sting, until Vampiro gets dumped to the floor. Vampiro climbs the announce table and makes a sign. Suddenly Sting is given a bloodbath in the ring. New Blood? More like New Brood. Vampiro hits the Nail in the Coffin. The rest of the New Brood run in and attack. Sting, drenched in the "mysterious" red liquid the announcers simply can't recognize ("what is that stuff?!"), is hooked back up to the cable from the ceiling and raised a few feet off the floor. "Symbolified?" The show ends with Sting hung out to dry. - This Wednesday: Bret Hart speaks. - Next week: Nothing announced. Comments: I can't even begin to count the number of WWF ideas Russo recycled here. The best show yet of the "new" WCW, not that that's saying much. The wrestling was improved this week, because they had ONE good match instead of the usual ZERO. All their problems are still there, but why go into all that again. The show's better than it was, the same way a warm turd is probably a better meal than a cold one. I guess if there's people out there willing to settle for that, then more power to them. I bet Russo orders a rematch on Thunder, with Jarrett winning the title back. God knows WCW couldn't let the phantom title change on RAW last week go unchallenged. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WWF RAW is WAR: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Two Hours+. Location: Raleigh, North Carolina. Hosted By: Jim Ross & Jerry "The King" Lawler. WWF RAW: - KURT ANGLE vs. RIKISHI PHATU An interesting choice to counter Nitro. I'm sure Vince will be accused of "coasting" again. Angle really dislikes Rikishi's ass, the Big's Show's as well. Angle and Rikishi combine for some moves you really don't expect when one of them's as big as Rikishi. The match abruptly ends when Angle, about to get a face full of ass, shoves Rikishi into the ref, drawing a DQ. Big Show comes out to chase Angle off, then gives Rikishi a pair of those magical sunglasses which get his feet a movin'. The DX Express pulls up. That is a different bus every time out, isn't it? Ross talks like it's always the same bus. - Trish Stratus, in a taped clip with a whole lotta skin showing, tells Buh-Buh Ray Dudley (and us) why she likes tables so much. She likes 'em hard. - Triple H, Stephanie & Shane McMahon make their way out. Shane, saying Vince will be along eventually, launches into a saccharin-sweet reconciliation with his brother-in-law Triple H and sister Stephanie. Apologies for past transgressions are offered. Stephanie luvs her guys, saying she's had her feelings hurt in the past, and knows how they both feel. Eeeech! This is, of course, supposed to be nauseating. Triple H says he's really a fair guy. FINALLY Chris Jericho comes out to spare us any more agony. Jericho thinks he should get another shot at the WWF Championship. Triple H wants to know why he thinks he should get one, after all the things Jericho said about his delicate "little flower" Stephanie? Jericho says Stephanie "lost her flower a long time ago!" He calls Stephanie a "filthy, dirty, disgusting, skanky, brutal, bottom feeding trashbag HO!!" Shane can't stand any more, and books a tag team match between Jericho, with the Rock as his partner, and himself and Triple H. Stephanie, dangling Triple H's belt out of the ring, taunts Jericho. Y2J grabs the belt away, then nails Triple H with it when he comes for it. Eddie Guerrero, who got his GED last week, prepares to go to his prom this Friday (what, where, how ... ?) Chyna comes from behind a screen wearing a slinky black dress. She disapproves of Eddie's loud jacket and tuxedo t-shirt. Eddie needs to turn his, whatever, down several notches. I don't offend easily, but even I can't stand this hispanic stereotypical parody he's doing. - During the commercial Chris Benoit Pearl Harbored Jericho in the back. - ROAD DOGG vs. CHRIS BENOIT Again showing a touch at flirting with the "smart" fans (and not the outright assault approach WCW currently favors), Edge & Christian come out for color commentary. Christian says if it looks like Road Dogg is on the verge of winning, he and Edge will interfere in the match, causing Road Dogg to lose by DQ. "In wrestling circles, that's what's known as a 'run-in,'" adds Edge. Throughout the match (which sees Tori come out as well, intent on countering Edge & Christian), the Tag Champs look for a good spot to do their run-in. Sure enough, just as things are looking good for Road Dogg, Edge & Christian do their run-in. Lawler has a field days with this. Tori gets a smooch from Edge when she tries to help Road Dogg. Road Dogg mentioned Dennis Knight (Mideon) is his opening spiel. Knight is apparently suffering from some kind of serious illness right now. That's a shame, as I thought the angle they were doing with him and the Acolytes was pretty funny. Knight is supposedly one of the most liked guys in the WWF lockerroom because of his sense of humor. Also mentioned during this match was X-Pac's absence, which is attributed to a relative of his passing away. Kurt Angle tries to hire the APA to beat up the Big Show. They say they only take money to protect people. Angle, before leaving to fetch his wallet, offers words of advice regarding their drinking gambling and smoking lifestyle. Fortunately he doesn't have to dodge too many thrown beer cans. - Stephanie's talking to the Big Bossman and Bull Buchanan when Angle walks up. He asks the Bossman if he'd like to beat up the Big Show? The Bossman reminds us what he did at the Big Show's father's funeral. The look on Angle's face is priceless. Stephanie says the Bossman & Bull can fight the Big Show in a handicap match. Angle thanks Stephanie, who gets all gooey-eyed. I tell you, GTV is going to find those two cuddling together in a corner someday. - THE HARDY BOYZ vs. HARDCORE HOLLY/CRASH HOLLY Crash keeps his distance, and warily eyes Hardcore as they come out. The match is okay, with Hardcore pinning Jeff Hardy following a drop-kick and garbage can lid shot from Crash. The battle continues, and is joined by Perry Saturn and Tazz. Jeff eventually hits the Swanton Bomb on Crash, and Matt sneaks in for the pin, winning the Hardcore Title. Eddie looks better, but still sounds like someone who don't need no steenking badges. Chyna decides to try on a red gown. - Trish is now polishing a table. Nice. Oh yeah. That's how I like it, baby. - THE BIG SHOW vs. THE BIG BOSSMAN/BULL BUCHANAN A quickie, which achieves DQ-ness when Kurt Angle runs in. Then the Acolytes run in. Vince McMahon's limousine arrives. WWF WAR ZONE: - Trish tells me how to keep it up. A TABLE--how to keep a table up! - Mr. McMahon hits the ring. Vince cuts a nice promo, wondering just what the hell is going on with his family. He says he's the only level-headed one of the bunch. Vince warns Triple H never to touch his wife Linda again, and tells him that tonight he'll have to find himself another partner, because Shane has been assigned "other duties". He then sows the seeds of a Steve Austin heel turn by reminding us that it was Austin who crushed the Rock's new Lincoln last year (clip shown on the Titan-Tron), and that later in the year when Austin was run over at Survivor Series, it was done by someone driving the Rock's rental car. Continuity! The Rock was the one who most benefitted from Austin going down with an injury. Can Austin trust the Rock, and vice versa. As Austin himself says, "D.T.A.--Don't Trust Anyone!" - Eddie's finally in a tuxedo when Chyna remembers he has a match coming up. The two change behind the screen, getting a bit frisky in the process. They could still do all these clips without Eddie sounding like the Taco Bell Chihuahua. - THE GODFATHER/AL SNOW (w/ Ho's) vs. D-LO BROWN/STEVE BLACKMAN Snow's sporting pimpwear of his own this week. D-Lo and Blackman cruise to a win here, with D-Lo pinning Snow. Al looks to be losing his marbles again. - Clip of "Stone Cold" ramming the zamboni into the ring and using its hood as a runway to flying clothesline Vince. - What the hell is "Vinnie's Steak House & Tavern", who is Dusty Anderson, and why is he getting such a huge plug from Jim Ross? Does this have something to do with JR's BBQ sauce? - Another look at Trish and her table fetish. - EDDIE GUERRERO (w/ Chyna) vs. VAL VENIS A sweet match here. Venis busts his ass to keep up with Eddie. Essa Rios & Lita come out. Chyna gets into it with the two, and in the confusion Lita is able to come off the top onto Chyna on the floor. No fat ass in that plancha! Chyna and Lita both hit the floor like rocks. Eddie must have been distracted, because Venis drops him, then puts him away with the Money Shot. Eddie vs. Essa is going to kick ass at the PPV. - THE DUDLEY BOYZ vs. EDGE/CHRISTIAN Buh-Buh's talking some serious trash in this one. Trish Stratus and her boys T & A come out to cause a stir, with Trish doing a slinky dance on top of a table on the stage. Buh-Buh finds himself once again mesmerized. That leaves D-Von hanging during an attempted Dudley Death Drop, allowing Christian to knock Edge on top of D-Von for the pin. The Rock must be in the building, because there's a room with his name on it. - Michael Cole interviews the Rock, who in essence says he and Steve Austin are united by the fact that they both know they can't trust Vince McMahon, and that if "Stone Cold" had something to say to the Rock, he'd say it straight to the Rock's face. Triple H is worried about his partner (or lack thereof) for the main event. - Triple H brings out his partner, who not too surprisingly turns out to be ... TRIPLE H/CHRIS BENOIT vs. THE ROCK/CHRIS JERICHO In a move you could see coming a mile away, Shane McMahon is the special referee. Vince comes out too just to be a pain in the ass. Non-stop action in this match. Seriously, this may have been one of the best matches on TV this year. Benoit and Jericho trade some seriously stiff chops. The crowd slowly gets into the action, popping big for a hot tag segment which sees the Rock and Benoit come in. Benoit and Jericho are coming off as total equals of the Rock and Triple H here. The crowd seems even hotter when Y2J and Triple H go at it. Shane's playing favorites, of course. The Rock gets in Shane's face and Vince tries to sneak in. The Rock spots him and catches him before he can escape. Vince takes some damage. Benoit and Jericho are brawling on the floor. The Rock goes back over to drop the People's Elbow on Triple H, but Vince comes back and field goal kicks him in the nuts! Triple H plants him with the Pedigree and covers for the pin. - This Thursday: Nothing announced. - Next week: Nothing announced. Comments: With the PPV this Sunday it's hard not to assume that Austin WON'T turn, and that the Rock will win the title. Still, I'm not sure ... Not as hot a show as last week's, but still pretty good. The matches were split evenly between very short ones and relatively long, good quality ones. Lots of decent wrestling this week. Outside the ring, the stuff with Eddie Guerrero's character was the only dark spot. Featuring Trish Stratus in pretaped clips was a very effective way of overcoming her shortcomings talking before a live crowd. Overall the hype and build for Backlash may be better than what it was for WrestleMania. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Bottom Line: Here's the card for Backlash: * Triple H vs. the Rock. WWF Championship Match. * Chris Benoit vs. Chris Jericho. Intercontinental Title Match. * Edge & Christian vs. X-Pac & Road Dogg. Tag Team Title Match. * Eddie Guerrero vs. Essa Rios. European Title Match. * Crash Holly vs. Hardcore Holly vs. Perry Saturn vs. Tazz. Hardcore Title Match. * The Dudley Boyz vs. T & A. * Kurt Angle vs. the Big Show. * The Acolytes vs. the Big Bossman & Bull Buchanan. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Slobberknocker Central" and "Monday Night Recap" are copyright 2000 by John Petrie, and all opinions expressed therein are his own, and not those of "USLink". Check the "Slobberknocker Central" main page for info on how to receive the "Recap" free via E-Mail every week. Volume One, Number 232 of the "Monday Night Recap", April 24th, 2000.