Slobberknocker Central Monday Night Recap #231 April 17th, 2000 The Opening Word: I really have nothing against people being entertained. It just pains me to see people being fooled, and not realize it. That's exactly what Eric Bischoff & Vince Russo are doing to wrestling fans on the Internet. By running a couple storylines which have for ages been on the "wish list" of Internet fans, they've managed to draw tremendous support for their new regime in WCW from said fans. They've got the Internet fans fooled into thinking they're booking for them. And in a way they are, and there's no real downside to doing so, especially in the clever way they're doing it. Internet fans have wanted to see the young stars in WCW overthrow the older stars for ages. Don't look too closely at what WCW is doing and one might think that's what they're doing. One problem: they're not. Peel back the "shoot" talk and illusion that the New Blood is being pushed and you'll really see that the stars such as Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair and Sting are, as they always have been, holding all the cards. Hulk Hogan has somehow managed to become what he hasn't been for five years--WCW's top babyface. Ric Flair, Sting, Sid Vicious and the others painted as the "Millionaires Club" also find themselves in a position where they control the storylines they're in. They're each giving away little pieces of themselves now, content in the knowledge that it'll all be paid back to them at a later date. Do a job or two to guys they don't have to give up their spots at the top to. Amazingly, few supposedly "smart" fans on the Internet have realized this. They look at Nitro and Thunder last week, and say incredibly funny things like "I can't understand why the fans were cheering for Hogan!" You want to know why the fans were cheering for Hogan? Because that's what the storyline calls for. WCW *made* them cheer for the Millionaires Club. Not just that, but by portraying Billy Kidman as a wimpy, cowardly whiner, Shane Douglas as a fat blowhard, Scott Steiner as a roided-out freak, and Vampiro as a disloyal backstabber, they've given the fans enough reason to WANT to cheer for the Millionaires. Hogan, Flair, Sid, DDP--the same guys everyone was sick to death of just three weeks ago. Genius, I tell you. Sheer genius. WCW has a huge problem facing them, though. Do they come through on the booking that they're promising to the Internet fans (a group whose influence WCW completely overestimates), or do they continue with what looks to be their inevitable course? That course, of course, being that the babyface Millionaires Club comes out on top. Actually the problem they're facing is the one they've always faced: backstage politics. Hulk Hogan, as usual, wields the most influence of anyone in the company, and is calling all his own shots. Sure, Hogan "laid down" for Kidman, giving him a bogus pinfall in a situation where he was actually laying down because of a chairshot from Eric Bischoff--not because of anything Kidman did. Hogan then goes back to the lockerroom and brags about being a team player and laying down for Kidman. Kidman, meanwhile, gets to brag that he pinned Hogan. All the while Hogan is laughing to himself, because he knows he did nothing, and has every right to expect Kidman to "return the favor" down the road. Hell, how could Kidman not, after the "professional example" Hogan displayed by "laying down" for him?! Hah! WCW is essentially the same company it was three weeks ago. All the same wrestlers are there. And, as we saw on Thunder last week, many of the ongoing feuds amongst the mid-carders continue. Booker still finds himself at odds with Harlem Heat 2000. Dustin Rhodes is still feuding with Terry Funk. The Wall still has Sid in his sights. All that's really changed is some of the older stars out with injuries have come back (stars I again remind everyone we supposedly didn't want to see anymore). That, and Eric Bischoff & Vince Russo are, between them, playing WCW's version of Vince McMahon. Oh, and there's a lot more swearing. Otherwise much remains the same. Over the course of two shows--more than four hours of television--they put on thirteen matches (roughly totaling an hour of action--a mere one-fourth of the two shows combined). Of the 13 matches a staggering total of TEN featured run-ins, all of which influenced the outcomes. There were a total of eight matches with pinfall finishes, three matches decided by DQ (one being a "No DQ" match, curiously enough), one countout victory and one match with no decision at all. Only two matches had straight pinfall finishes without outside interference. Both matches, on Thunder, were made up of six competitors and featured special stipulations, meaning neither could exactly be considered a "normal" match. Obviously numbers don't mean everything. Dissect the average WWF show or two and I'm sure the numbers would be in the same ballpark. But it's just the idea that WCW has supposedly embarked on such a bold new direction, when just looking at the matches themselves, the shows looks much the same as they did all of last year. I think CRZ on WrestleLine said it best when he said as much hope as there is WCW will improve, there's every reason to fear WCW will stay just as bad as they have been. It's pretty much what I myself said last week. As entertaining as Nitro was (and Thunder too, to a noticeably lesser extent), there are all kinds of signs of trouble looming on the horizon. So WCW figured they'd coast into Spring Stampede Sunday being the entire talk of the wrestling world. Turns out Paul Heyman had his own ideas in that regard. Thursday night in Indianapolis, Indiana, Mike Awesome appeared at an ECW house show to fulfill the terms of his release to WCW and lose the ECW World Heavyweight Title to an ECW wrestler. That is, we all assumed it would be an ECW wrestler. Awesome, who spent the night waiting in his car with WCW security chief Doug Dellinger, came out in front of the crowd near the end of the show, following the conclusion of a major brawl which involved nearly every wrestler on the ECW roster. Awesome's ECW manager Judge Jeff Jones declared no wrestler in ECW could beat him. He was right. Out came Tazz, to what was a thunderous pop by the nearly 1,800 fans in attendance (a sell-out crowd for the building they were in). In barely three minutes, following a ref bump and a run-in DDT assist from Tommy Dreamer, Tazz choked out Awesome to win the ECW Heavyweight Title. It was the first time ever a wrestler under WCW contract and a wrestler under WWF contract competed in an ECW ring for an ECW title. All it took was a phone call from Heyman to Vince McMahon. Footage of the match aired Friday night on the ECW show on TNN. A week that started with WCW thumbing its nose at the WWF and ECW, ended with ECW and the WWF teaming up to flip WCW the bird in reply. Week Two of the Bischoff/Russo Era began with Spring Stampede. Not much of note coming out of that show. The biggest development in the whole company was Kimberly turning on Diamond Dallas Page, causing Jeff Jarrett to become the new WCW World Champion. The New Blood as a whole was fairly successful, as Scott Steiner beat Sting for the United States Titles, Shane Douglas & Buff Bagwell were victorious over Ric Flair & Lex Luger to capture the Tag Team Titles, and Chris Candido--now considered a part of the New Blood--walked away with the Cruiserweight Title AND Tammy Sytch as his valet. The show as a whole, drawing neither raves nor serious complaints, featured lots of short matches, with run-ins during all the key ones. And swearing. Don't forget the swearing. The stage was thus set for an epic Monday night battle. WCW looked to tie up all the loose ends following the PPV. The WWF would counter with a promised hot show full of intrigue, excitement, and a major announcement regarding the Rock and the Backlash PPV. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WCW Monday Nitro: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Two Hours+. Location: Rockford, Illinois. Hosted By: Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson & Mark Madden. HOUR ONE: - Stills from the PPV are shown. The country hoedown music playing in the background is a might distracting. - Various security rubes are shown guarding the entrances to the arena. - The show kicks off with pyro, lights, and paper and colored balloons falling from the ceiling. This goes on for some time, as the New Blood make their way to the ring. Once there Vince Russo launches into a "shoot" speech. You know, I really hate to call it a "shoot", since that implies he's saying something he isn't supposed to. Since he's the guy running the company, most everything he says is what's supposed to be said, you know? Russo badmouths the WWF and Jim Ross. Eventually he calls out Jeff Jarrett, who does more of the same. Jarrett will face DDP in the three-tiered cage from "Ready to Rumble" at the next PPV. Here comes Eric Bischoff and Kimberly. Three security guards in riot gear stand at ringside. Can you guess which one is really they wrestler in disguise? Kimberly takes a turn on the mic, telling us what a big star she'd be were it not for DDP holding her back. Wow ... a good fifteen minutes killed with verbal masturbation, and not one thing done to advance a storyline or anything. I hope those who complain about the recent long, boring interviews on RAW do the same here. Oops--spoke too soon. DDP pulls up to the arena in a sweet looking sportscar. He's confronted by a security guy who reminds me of every pimply-faced kid in "The Simpsons". "No member of the Millionaires Club is allowed anywhere near the building!" DDP clobbers him, and several others who rush up. He walks unchallenged from there to the ringside area, where he blows by the riot squad. He takes out the entire New Blood as they attack black ninja style. They then gang up on him, only to be attacked themselves by the riot cops, who turn out to be Lex Luger, Ric Flair & Sting in disguise. Ooh ... what a swerve. All THREE were wrestlers, not just one. - Bischoff chews out pseudo-New Blood members Lash LeRoux, Hugh Morrus, Bam Bam Bigelow, Booker and others for not coming to their aid. Booker, in particular, gets badmouthed for his wardrobe. They're dismissed. Eric tells Russo to get Mike Awesome to kick DDP's ass. The security scrubs then come in and quit, saying they never signed on to fight wrestlers. Eric then picks up the phone to make a call, but Hulk Hogan's disembodied voice warns him that he's coming. I'll say this ... Hogan is pretty smart to figure out the number or extension of that particular phone in that particular room, and know precisely when Bischoff would be picking up the phone receiver. You'd pretty much have to be in the building itself or the TV production truck, watching the show, to pull off this particular trick, right? - SHAWN "THE PERFECT ONE" STASIAK vs. CURT HENNIG Ms. Hancock comes out to scout Stasiak (presumably). Not much going on here. Hennig wrestles--Stasiak punches. Quickly they drop to the floor and fight by the announce table, where Madden gets a drink tossed on him. Back in the ring they go. A couple moves later the ref gets bumped. Curt applies the Hennig-Plex, but no ref. Stasiak then pulls out a pair of brass knux from his kneepad, nails Hennig, then plants him with a Fireman's Carry into a faceplant-type-move. The ref is awakened, and the pin follows. Cut to the outside, where police cars are keeping pace with an old Dodge or something. Fortunately WCW has locked onto a live feed been sent out by a camera in the rear seat of the police car. It's Hogan, arriving at the same entrance DDP arrived at. The police tell Hogan he can't enter the building. Why? How would they know--they been watching the show? Hogan stares at the police officer, and through the SHEER POWER OF HIS BRAIN, forces the officer to allow him entry. (Jedi Mind Trick?) Hogan, dressed all in black (with a sleeveless shirt that brings to mind a certain "Stone Cold" wrestler's signature vest) wanders around until he figures out how to get around the curtain that blocks off the empty half of the arena. Stasiak has apparently been beating on Hennig this whole time, as the bell is ringing like crazy. Hogan tosses him out of the ring. Hogan's still in the ring. He says he's listened to the fans and the critics and asked himself what he has left to offer the wrestling business. He says he has a lot left to give, and challenges any wrestler in the back to come out and try to take his spot away from him. He then says Bischoff & Russo went too far at the PPV, and that it isn't Hulk Hogan they have to contend with, but Terry Bollea. Hogan then badmouths Billy Kidman, calling him out. Kidman, Torrie Wilson and Bischoff appear on the Turner-Tron. Kidman's wearing a Hogan t-shirt defaced by an "NB". He tells Hogan to come to him. Hogan tears off in search of Kidman. I'd describe Kidman's promo style as early Woody Allen. Bischoff stands by a parked white Hummer. - Hogan's outside, but can't find Kidman. - Mean Gene interviews Jeff Jarrett. He says he's heard the New Blood whine about not getting opportunities. He's put up an open contract: open to anyone who isn't in the Millionaire Club, that is. - THE WALL vs. TERRY FUNK Schiavone, incredibly, says this is the first time Hogan has ever revealed his real name on a TV show. Umm, didn't Tenay mention Hogan's real name TO HOGAN'S FACE on Thunder two weeks ago? Funk, the Hardcore Champion, nearly kills himself doing a moonsault from the apron to the floor. The two brawl down the aisle to an area by the entryway. The Wall slams Funk's head in the door of a Nitro Girls dance cage. The move on to a new section. Suddenly a pair of tables seem to drop from the sky and floor both wrestlers! What the fu--! (They're actually pushed over off a rack of some kind by a shadowy figure.) Funk lays a table on the Wall, stomps on it, and covers for the pin. It was most likely Dustin Rhodes, who Vince Russo "fired" at the PPV for failing to prevent Funk from beating Norman Smiley to claim the vacant Hardcore Title. Russo is confronted backstage by the Bryan Boyz. Crush & Wrath want the Tag Title shot he promised them. Russo says they'll get it, just not tonight. Clark & Adams will be known as "the Chronic", or in RussoSpeak, "Kronik". Pick your own spelling, as it's likely to change from week to week. The open contract to face Jarrett is hanging on a door. Someone fills some name in. I can't imagine why the cameraman doesn't just pan the camera over another five inches so we can see who it is, or read the name they're writing. I mean, if he was under orders not to reveal who it is, then why bother filming it at all? I think there was about eight minutes total of wrestling that hour. HOUR TWO: - Jarrett checks out the contract and tears it off the door before we can read the name. He calls Russo an idiot. - Mean Gene gets comments from DDP. - "The General" Bruce MacArthur and "Bad" Bob Probert(?) are at ringside. MacArthur, the owner of the Chicago Blackhawks, has appeared on Nitro before. Probert (Progert?) is an old NHL star I've never heard of. (Seeing as I probably couldn't name one current NHL star, that's no surprise. Is Wayne Gretzky still playing?) - Adams & Clark destroy the Harris Brothers backstage. We're only one man short (Brian Lee) of a Disciples of Apocalypse reunion there. The Mamalukes are already in the ring, waiting for the Harrises. The Khronick rush out and destroy them too. Schiavone makes a big deal about them not having music or an entrance video. Kronik Kona Krush says this is a warning to Russo and the other tag teams not to mess with them. Kronik Adam Bomb stands by looking mean. In the time it took them to destroy the Mamalukes, someone backstage put together theme music for the Kronik. Some announcer babble takes us to ... Vampiro slithers out. He seems to have added a little bit of the Great Muta to his Raven persona. Vampiro delivers a halting, confused promo in which he promises Sting more pain. The lights suddenly go out, as Sting's music kicks in. Sting himself drops from the ceiling. Mark Madden wrote an unbelievably tasteless column for 1Wrestling.com a few weeks ago in which he advocated the return of the Sting rafter drop. I don't know what the general reaction to it was, but I know that there would have been screams of outrage had anyone in the WWF suggested the same. Few things in wrestling offend me, but that column did. I haven't really bothered to read anything Madden's written since then. I only mention all this because Sting's descent, what we see of it, occurs at a tremendous speed. It's a miracle he's able to land on his feet. Sting beats up Vampiro with a baseball bat, while saying he's learned about pain from the likes of Flair and Luger. - Hogan's still looking for Kidman. - Jarrett's all upset about his opponent tonight, who he says is "sick". Russo says he'll go talk to whoever it is. Why all the mystery? It's not as if there's a large list of suspects. We know it's a member of the New Blood. - DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE vs. MIKE AWESOME With ECW's tiny talent roster (speaking literally about the physical size of the wrestlers), Mike Awesome looked like a giant. Here he's about the same size as DDP. Just a tad bit taller. A flying clothesline by Awesome is the first "move" of note during the match. Kanyon does a run-in and gets clobbered. (I think Kanyon is actually bigger than Awesome!) He then pulls a table from underneath the ring, preparing to powerbomb DDP through it. Cue the Wolfpack theme. Kevin Nash slips in through the crowd and powerbombs Awesome through the table. Weird crowd reaction here. They're making a lot of noise, but they don't actually pop for Nash. It's odd that Nash was so injured last week that he needed crutches, was laid out by Awesome, yet comes back this week in perfect health. Russo talks to Jarrett's opponent, trying to talk them out of the match. Whoever it is doesn't speak, and the cameraman won't poke the camera around the corner. Oh for the love of--it's Scott Steiner dammit! Talk about a lame mystery opponent. Just show him already! Tank Abbott has arrived, sending Madden into a fit. - Mean Gene interviews Bagwell & Douglas. The Franchise says he wants a piece of Lex Luger, payback for that Torture Rack loss he suffered at his hands last week on Thunder. Luger barges in and accepts the challenge. You know, the whole Young vs. Old thing really falls apart in this particular case. Douglas has been in wrestling longer than Luger has! Bagwell isn't exactly a rookie either. He's been in WCW since the early 90's. - Abbott comes out and says his usual. He then pulls Bruce MacArthur from the front row. That hockey guy, as well as security (I thought they quit?) are quick to stop Abbott. Madden is blubbering through all this about how he doesn't want to get beaten up again. That hockey guy's kinda big. I bet WCW does a match with him and Abbott. Terry Taylor rats out Bischoff's location to Hogan. - Russo tells Jarrett he'll think of something to deal with his problem. Jarrett makes a crack comparing Russo to J.J. Dillon. Madden tries to sell that the mystery opponent is someone from another company, forgetting the whole premise of the open contract was that it only be signed by a New Blood member. - LEX LUGER (w/ Elizabeth) vs. "THE FRANCHISE" SHANE DOUGLAS I really hate WCW's cheesy rip-off of real songs. Lots of punches and kicks in this one. Luger takes control with a series of running forearms. Out comes Buff Bagwell to offer a distraction. Douglas low-blows Luger. Bagwell decides to go after Liz. Douglas has Luger down on the floor. He high-fives a fan at ringside dressed as Sting. Thinking it's Russo he holds Luger in place. "Sting" winds up his bat ... and nails Douglas. It's Ric Flair, wearing his second disguise of the night. I think Douglas wins the match via DQ. Vince Russo runs out and drags Douglas from the ring. He and Bagwell yell at Russo, asking where he was? Hogan's found the Hummer in a basement parking area. - Hogan's destroying Kidman again. He even no-sells a shot from a 2X4 by Torrie. Bischoff helplessly watches. Hogan dumps Kidman in a dumpster. Bischoff tries to escape in the Hummer, but it won't start. He flees on foot. Hogan climbs in the Hummer and now it fires right up. Hogan crashes into the dumpster, pretty much caving it completely in. Madden screams that Kidman may be dead. I'll give WCW the benefit of the doubt and assume this was all pretaped and edited, allowing Kidman to get out of that thing before it was demolished. - Kidman's being loaded on a stretcher. Didn't take Hogan long to get that stretcher job back, did it? - JEFF JARRETT vs. SCOTT STEINER This one doesn't even get on track. After it's barely started Booker comes out and nails Steiner, who has Jarrett in the Recliner, with a kick to the head. Jarrett wins by DQ. Booker tells Jarrett "you're welcome" and walks off. Hogan's roaming the halls with a steel pipe. He's outside, he's in the ring, he's back outside, he's inside, he's downstairs, he's inside ... - Hogan finds Bischoff backstage and chases him to the ring. He drops him with a shot to the groin. The copyright pops up and we're outta--nope, still going. Russo's on his way out with a bat. But here comes Bret Hart, carrying a steel chair. He blows past Russo, shoving him aside. Hart enters the ring and surveys the situation. Hogan sees Hart and indicates to Bischoff that now he'll get what's coming to him. Hart looks at Bischoff, looks at Hogan, rears back and-- - This Wednesday: Thunder is preempted by the NBA. - Next week: Nothing announced. Comments: Last week a lot of people, in offering their opinions of Nitro, said it was a good sign of things to come, and was deserving of some leeway in the criticism department because it was just the first show of the new era. That second part may be a judgement call, but I did agree with the first part. That show was a sign of what we could expect from the "new" WCW, and it was a sign that bad things were ahead. Forget promises of improvement, last week was EXACTLY what we can expect to see each and every week. Take Bischoff's old NWO shows, wrap them up in Russo's "Crash TV", and you have the "new" WCW in a nutshell. Those little things people seemed to like last week are what we can expect from now on, except there'll be less of them because you can't do that many of them every week. It's like people said they liked last week as an appetizer, and were now ready for the main course. I think with the PPV, and now this Nitro, it's becoming pretty clear that WCW can't deliver the main course. They only know how to do the appetizer. Going back to the Sting thing for a minute, it really bothers me that WCW's decided, less than a year after Owen Hart's death, that it was okay to start dropping guys from the ceiling again. Hell, I get nervous when the WWF lowers their steel cage from the ceiling! Pretty much everyone last year decried this as a stunt that didn't need to be done by wrestlers anymore, no matter how safe some say it is. Like I said above, the WWF would've gotten crucified had they been the one to do it. The thing that really offended me in that Internet column Mark Madden wrote was his saying that Sting needed to do it, basically because it was the only way he'd get over again. I'll admit I didn't really see the danger of the stunt back when Sting was doing it regularly, and I'm sure there's more than one occasion I thought it looked pretty cool. But seeing as how it's already claimed one life, it's just something I don't think we need to see brought back. Especially not to get a guy "over". Back to the show itself, there wasn't much here to get excited about. All the shoots and foul language, there WCW is just playing catch-up to the WWF and ECW. The main stories of the show seemed to be to get Hogan and DDP over as mega-babyfaces, and to needlessly tease dissention between everyone in the New Blood Order. I don't think there was a single match worth singling out as good. And massive gaps in logic and storyline depth shone through it all. Like last week, the thing that most caught my eye was the plot twist at the very end with Bret Hart. Reports from those live at the show say Hart hit Hogan with the chair. But, since it didn't happen on TV ... you know. Note to WCW: don't promise to stick with things "as long as it takes," then cut away a minute earlier than usual just as something is about to happen. No Thunder this week. It's preempted by an NBA doubleheader. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WWF RAW is WAR: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Two Hours+. Location: State College, Pennsylvania. Hosted By: Jim Ross & Jerry "The King" Lawler. WWF RAW: - CHRIS JERICHO vs. TRIPLE H (w/ Stephanie & Shane McMahon) Interesting. Jericho ran afoul of DeGeneration X last week, insulting Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley and Tori by mistaking them for Godfather Ho's. That earned Jericho a two-on-one beating from Road Dogg & X-Pac. Jericho comes out here and cuts a hilarious promo, apologizing to "filthy, disgusting, dirty, skanky, brutal, bottom-feeding trashbag ho's" for slandering them by comparing them and Stephanie. Triple H comes out, ready to kill Jericho. Jericho slips out of the ring and continues his promo, goading Triple H into putting the WWF Championship on the line to prove he's a real man. Triple H, incensed, gives in. Jericho then says he bought himself an insurance policy, just in case this went down. Out come the Acolytes. The crowd buzz goes up, as Jericho's chances of winning suddenly look, well, like he may actually have a chance to win. Ooh, the Kronik are beating up the Mamalukes. Like I'm *really* going to watch that instead of this. Jericho gets the fast flurry of offense to start. The action spills to the floor. Faarooq & Bradshaw keep Shane McMahon from interfering. Jericho beats Triple H back in and gives him the springboard drop-kick, knocking HHH back off the apron to the floor. Triple H is suplexed back in. The Game takes control of the match, as the action again spills to the floor. Triple H is sent face-first into the announce table. Helmsley is really in control now. Hey, a suplex from Triple H! He knows something other than the high knee! The punishment continues. Jericho's got a bloody mouth. Now Jericho rallies back. A pin attempt and two count gets the crowd on their feet. Y2J goes for the Walls of Jericho, but can't get the larger Triple H over. With the legs already hooked he instead tries a flip, sending Triple H in the corner. The ref, standing in the way, gets wiped out. Jericho then goes for a move off the top, but he's knocked off by Shane, who himself is then chased off by the Acolytes. With both men down on the mat, as well as the ref, Stephanie seizes the opportunity to slide the title belt into the ring. Both wrestlers go for the belt. Jericho gets in, and nails Triple H. Cover, but no ref. Here comes senior referee Earl Hebner. Hebner hits two before Triple H raises a shoulder. Triple H smashes Jericho to the mat. He and Hebner then get into a shoving match--a continuation of their tensions from last week (Hebner is supposed to be under "probation", imposed by the McMahons). Earl ends up dumped on his ass. Just then Jericho comes up with a spinning kick, followed by the Lionsault. Cover. Hebner's over and onetwothree--NEW WWF CHAMPION!!! Take THAT WCW! The crowd is going nuts, as Hebner makes his escape. Triple H tries to follow, but the Acolytes cut him off. Jericho gets away as well. We go to commercial with a last look at Triple H and Stephanie simmering. - Replay of Jericho BECOMING WWF CHAMPION. - Triple H is in the back in a room full of referees. He grabs Hebner and Mike Chioda, the original referee who was knocked out. The two refs are dragged back out to the ring. Triple H is going nuts, saying Hebner screwed him and Chioda should look at the Titan-Tron and see what Earl did. The pin is replayed and, asked for his opinion, Chioda says it looked like a fast count to him. Triple H turns to Hebner, who is being menaced by Shane. Triple H orders him to reverse his decision, or they'll kick his ass. "NO!" screams Hebner. Immediately Hebner begs off, like he's going to change his mind. He offers to reverse the decision, on the provision that Triple H, Stephanie and Shane assure him that no one will ever harm him again, so long as he's a WWF official. Done, says Triple H. Triple H says the match never happened, he was never pinned, and no matter what the fans think they saw, they never saw him lose the WWF Championship. The crowd, of course, is totally pissed and disappointed with Hebner. Out comes Jericho, wearing the title belt. Looks good. Jericho tells Triple H to shut up, and asks if he has to give up the belt because the match never happened? He also asks if that means Stephanie hasn't actually slept with all the boys in the back? The belt handed over, Hebner takes it back to Triple H. "No, Earl, that's not good enough." Triple H forces him to put the belt around Triple H's waist. Triple H then says he'll honor his agreement, that no one will touch Earl as long as he's a WWF official. "Oh yeah, YOUR ASS IS FIRED!" Triple H and Shane totally destroy Hebner, until he's saved by all the other refs coming out and putting up a human shield. Triple H climbs the corners and gloats. That may have been one of the best half-hours the WWF has ever put on. - Eddie Guerrero's wracking his brain, studying for his GED. Chyna comes in and tells him to put the books away, he's got a match. I didn't know you could actually do an angle that was both positive (man seeking to better himself) and negative (ethnic stereotyping). - A big limo pulls up. Pat Patterson & Jerry Brisco are out to greet Linda McMahon. - THE HARDY BOYZ vs. ESSA RIOS/EDDIE GUERRERO (w/ Chyna & Lita) A really nice match here, which sees the Hardyz win following a miscue between Guerrero and Lita, who moonsaults him instead of Matt Hardy. Matt land the Twist of Fate and covers for the pin. Chyna comes in and powerbombs Rios, retaliation for his valet screwing up. Linda McMahon's doing some work on a computer when she's interrupted by Shane. This whole "mama's boy" thing really cracks me up. Shane asks why she isn't in Europe with Vince? She says she has a major announcement to make involving the Rock. - Triple H, in no mood to be jerked around anymore tonight, wants to know what Linda's planning. He dispatches Shane to dig up more info. - TAZZ vs. PERRY SATURN vs. CRASH HOLLY Tazz is wearing the ECW Title belt, and is announced as the ECW Champion. Good crowd reaction. Holly, coming out third, attacks Saturn before he reaches the ring. The match doesn't really get on track, as Hardcore Holly comes out with his own referee, again intent on taking advantage of the 24/7 Hardcore Title stipulation. We basically break off into two singles matches. Crash goes after Hardcore with J.R.'s Kool-Aid pitcher. Tazz, meanwhile, is killing Saturn, and slaps on the Tazzmission. Crash comesin with a cookie sheet and waffles Tazz, then covers Saturn for the pin. Well, no job by Tazz, but would it have killed them to let him win here (considering how often that Hardcore Title changes hands)? Shane tries to get more out of Linda, but she says he'll find out when the fans do--which it's about time for. An "Earlier Today" clips show Kurt Angle preaching the joys of abstinence to college students. - Here comes Linda McMahon. She tells the crowd that she believes the deck has been stacked against the Rock at Backlash, because Triple H will have Vince McMahon in his corner, as well as Stephanie there to lend a hand. She feels that it's only fair that the Rock have someone in his corner. (Linda must have been practicing, because she's doing really well so far.) She says no Mick Foley, because his return at WrestleMania was for one night only. She has someone else in mind, and that someone is ... "STONE COLD" STEVE AUSTIN!!! The pop here is so loud the glass door on my stereo cabinet rattled. Triple H, Stephanie & Shane hit the ring. Stephanie accuses her mother of meddling, and reminds her what happened the last time she did that. She gives Linda the chance to change her mind. Linda says no. "This is going to hurt me a lot worse than it hurts you," says Stephanie, and swings with her right hand. Linda blocks it, and delivers one of her own! Cool. She immediately regrets slapping her daughter, and regrets it even more when Triple H grabs her and bends her over, intent on planting her with the Pedigree! CLOTHESLINE BY SHANE! He may be a slimeball, but there's no way he'll let Triple H Pedigree his mother. Shane and Triple H are now nose-to-nose. Stephanie steps between them, as they let slaps fly around her. Stephanie turns and slaps Triple H! Then she slaps Shane! The dysfunctional McMahon family is on the verge of collapse, and who should show up but-- The Rock is out, laying the verbal smackdown on Triple H and Shane. He says the Steve Austin announcement made his already good day even better. He notes that he and the Rattlesnake have had their differences in the past, but that they agree that Triple H is the "biggest asshole walking God's green earth!" The Rock's catchphrases follow. WWF WAR ZONE: - Triple H tells Michael Cole that he, Road Dogg & X-Pac will face Jericho & the Acolytes in tonight's main event. - THE DUDLEY BOYZ vs. HEAD CHEESE Shaping up as a near-squash, this one comes to an abrupt end when T & A run in. D-Von, who's covering Al Snow (who had just received the Dudley Death Drop), is nailed by a big elbow from Test. Trish Stratus and the referee totally screw up the spot they're doing, with the ref turning around too soon and looking on as Test puts Snow on top of D-Von. The ref acts like he didn't see it and counts the pin. Ugh. Test & Albert are then both punked out, leaving Stratus all alone in the ring with Buh-Buh Ray Dudley. Buh-Buh grabs her by the hair, as D-Von sets up a table. The crowd is solidly behind her going for the ride. Stratus manages to get away by planting a kiss on Buh-Buh's mush. Buh-Buh goes into a trance, and Trish slinks away. More campaigning for abstinence by Angle. - Washington Redskins #1 draft pick Lavar Arrington is in the front row. Who? - DEAN MALENKO vs. SCOTTY TOO HOTTY These two went at it on Heat in a good match. They do it one better here. The finish sees Malenko suplex Scotty off the top, but Scotty is able to hook Malenko's legs and package him for the pin. New Light Heavyweight Champion! I believe this is his first WWF gold. Angle's STILL preaching abstinence. That man is in more dire need of a blowjob--aww, that's an old joke. Anyway, Angle's plans fall apart when the Big Show comes along handing out condoms for all the college kids to use. - THE BIG SHOW vs. CHRIS BENOIT An amusing match, as Benoit's offense seems mostly ineffectual against Big Show. So he kicks him in the nuts. DQ. Not a good match, but like I said, amusing. Kurt Angle then runs in and does some stomping of his own. Lawler, who's been pretty "on" tonight, notes that this is forced abstinence on the Big Show's part. - EDGE/CHRISTIAN vs. THE BIG BOSSMAN/BULL BUCHANAN Going into the home stretch now the show's hit kind of a lull. With the last match ending on a down note I remarked to those around me that the whole point of this match was so Kane could come out, beat the crap out of the Bossman & Buchanan, and wake the crowd up. Bingo! Bossman & Buchanan lay in the doubleteam on Edge, drawing a DQ. Pyro blast, and here comes Kane and Paul Bearer. Buchanan eats a chokeslam. Kane has a hard cast on his left hand. - Michael Cole interviews Jericho and the Acolytes. Faarooq takes offense when Cole suggests that the APA might take money from Triple H to throw the match. - Edge & Christian walk by the Road Dogg & X-Pac. A few idle comments lead to a scuffle, which the D-X guys get the better of. - CHRIS JERICHO/THE ACOLYTES vs. TRIPLE H/ROAD DOGG/X-PAC Good match, but we've clearly seen the wad shot earlier tonight. Big crowd heat on D-X. Late in the match the Acolytes, Road Dogg & X-Pac brawl up the ramp. There D-X are attacked by Edge & Christian. The Acolytes stroll back down to the ring, but they themselves are attacked by the Bossman & Buchanan. That leaves Jericho and Triple H alone and, anticlimactically, Triple H applies the Pedigree for the win. - This Thursday: Nothing announced. - Next week: Nothing announced. Comments: A super show, though things really tailed off throughout the last half hour. Still there was tons of great wrestling through the show, and the matches that came up short were all, well, short. Consider Jericho's title win a test run by the WWF to see if the fans would buy him as champion. Jericho's clearly being elevated to somewhere very near, if not at, the top level of the company. Not much else to add. Just a really, really good show. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Bottom Line: SmackDown! is in Philadelphia this week and, having finished this up so late, I can safely say the Tazz/ECW angle gets pushed in a big way. I've also seen the ratings for this week, and all I'll say with them is it looks like the people who decided to give the "new" WCW a look last week weren't impressed enough to stick around this week. WCW lost all the gains they made, delivering a show that did as poorly in the ratings as any booked by Kevin Sullivan. RAW, on the other hand, drew its viewers back and then some. It's wasn't even the big Jericho/Triple H match which lured them in, as the big jump in ratings came after Nitro went off the air. That hasn't happened on a Monday night in weeks. With the NBA playoffs set to wreak havoc on WCW's schedule in the coming weeks, they've got an uphill battle ahead of them to hold what ground they have, much less gain any new ground on the WWF. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Slobberknocker Central" and "Monday Night Recap" are copyright 2000 by John Petrie, and all opinions expressed therein are his own, and not those of "USLink". Check the "Slobberknocker Central" main page for info on how to receive the "Recap" free via E-Mail every week. Volume One, Number 231 of the "Monday Night Recap", April 17th, 2000.