Slobberknocker Central Monday Night Recap #222 February 14th, 2000 The Opening Word: I had planned on writing some stuff here this week, but with the two Monday night wrestling shows running unopposed, that gives me a chance to do the entire Recap as they air live, thereby finishing this sucker hours and days faster than usual. Thus I pass the savings on to you, the readers. Or something like that. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WCW Monday Nitro: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Two Hours+. Location: Long Island, New York. Hosted By: Tony Schiavone & Mark Madden. HOUR ONE: - The generic post-"ER" promo for Nitro is replaced by Scott Hudson doing a voiceover hyping tonight's show. They then show footage of New York City, really playing up the fact that tonight will be a big show. They replace the opener with a highlights package recapping the Jeff Jarrett/Scott Hall storyline. ... then they do another highlights package, essentially redoing what they already did. Talk about redundant. - Jeff Jarrett is out to cut a promo. Schiavone forgets the current storyline and calls Jarrett "Acting Commissioner," a title he was stripped of last Wednesday at Thunder by Kevin Nash. The Harris Brothers go first, calling themselves the "NWO elite." I wonder if WCW is going to acknowledge their Tag Title switch with the Mamalukes in Germany. Jarrett rattles off his sorry assortment of catchphrases. Very little heat here for WCW's top heel. Kevin Nash comes on the big screen and instantly dates himself by making an 8-track reference. Jarrett cuts him off and the Harris Boys grab ring announcer David Penzer, threatening to snap his neck if WCW doesn't cut off Nash's satellite feed. They do. Jarrett, having all the stroke, proclaims himself Acting Commissioner again. Cue the Wolfpac music, but instead of Scott Hall (he's stuck in Germany--more on that later), Nash is pushed out in a wheelchair by his nurses. He threatens to put his reconstructed ankle up Jarrett's ass. All Jarrett can do through all this is think up ways to say "slapnutz," "slappy", or "slap-ass." GIVE IT A REST! Jarrett will face Sid and Scott Hall in a "Three Way Dance" at SuperBrawl. Nash also books Jarrett in a match against Sid tonight. Schiavone says it's been about five years since Hulk Hogan wrestled Ric Flair on Nitro. I'd guess it's closer to three myself. Flair, Lex Luger and Elizabeth have arrived--together. 3 Count practice some dance steps. Norman Smiley asks Lane & Idol to be his tag team partners tonight, but they aren't interested. A shot of Miss Hancock closes out this twenty minute stretch of ... whatever it all was. - Tank Abbott warms up in the back. - 3 Count try to dance, but are interrupted by Norman Smiley. 3 COUNT vs. NORMAN SMILEY/LANE I guess Lenny decided to take Norman up on his offer. Miss Hancock comes out and does nothing. No wait--SHE TALKS! But says nothing of note. Shoot me now. She then lets her hair down, says to play her music, and does a dance on the announce desk. Not that I'm complaining about that ... but ... WHAT THE F#@%!!! Does WCW even care that none of this MAKES SENSE?! Smiley wins with the Norman Conquest. The match was okay for the few seconds they pointed the camera at the ring. 3 Count dances. Schiavone says this is torture, and promises to not put us through it again. Is that a shoot? - 3 Count is still dancing. Schiavone and Madden are begging for it to end. Here comes Tank Abbott to end the pain ... and replace it with his own brand of pain. - TANK ABBOTT vs. RICK FULLER Notice how nobody GOOD in WCW will job to Abbott? "Big Al" is at ringside again, and Tank gets into a scrap with him (mostly missed by the cameras). Abbott floors Fuller with three punches. A pretaped interview with Abbott conducted by Mike Tenay mentions the UFC (while showing footage of him beating jobbers in WCW). Abbott says his goal was to injure people, not win fights. Tenay brings up Big Al, who Abbott says has problems with him. WHAT PROBLEMS?! Al wants to take the jacket off Abbott's back, so Abbott asked WCW to book the two in a "Skins Match" at the PPV. They'll hang a leather jacket on a pole and the winner is the one who grabs it first. Jeezus, they pulled this "feud" and match out of thin air in the space of about ten seconds! - Three Nitro Girls do a routine. The announcers offer it up as a Valentine's Day gift to America. - "Mean" Gene interviews "TAFKA" Prince Iaukea and Paisley. Who the hell is Iaukea supposed to be imitating? Sure as hell isn't Prince. Don't you dare try to tell that to someone from Minnesota. - VAMPIRO/KIDMAN (w/ Torrie Wilson) vs. LA PARKA/TAFKAPI (w/ Paisley) Seeing all these guys in the ring I start expecting Sid to come out and break up the match with powerbombs. Know what I mean? Oops--went to the fridge to grab a pop and this one was over. La Parka and Iaukea won. What's the point of even running the tape back to see how ... Nash decides to put the World Title on the line tonight in the match between Jarrett and Sid. The Mamalukes attend a family reunion/wedding reception. Well, that hour sucked. HOUR TWO: - Big Vito gives a wad of money to the bride-to-be. - MONA vs. MONSTER RIPPER SINGH Oklahoma comes out first and says some stuff. How're things going over on that dog show? Madusa is the referee. She gets bumped, so Oklahoma comes in and counts the pin for Rhonda. Madden says she and Oklahoma could be brother and sister. You know, Jim Ross finally trashed Ed Ferrara last week on the WWF website. The funny thing is I'm not sure if he was talking about "Oklahoma" or Ferrara's story writing! Another look at the Mamalukes. Jarrett crows about his impending title shot. - Ric Flair cuts a quick promo on Hulk Hogan and Terry Funk. Flair and Lex Luger are now clearly aligned. Flair & Funk's match at the PPV has been changed from "I Quit" to a "Death Match," meaning neither man has to job to the other. Funk will just have to stay down for a ten count. - LEX LUGER (w/ Elizabeth) vs. TERRY FUNK So it's okay when Luger slams Funk through a table, but when Liz slides a chair in the ring, that draws a DQ? Whatever. Arn Anderson comes out to take the chair away. Why doesn't Luger just grab another? "Mean" Gene announces that the World Title won't be on the line tonight. Instead Jarrett has to defend his U.S. Title. Jarrett and the Harris Boys destroy their dressing room. Nash has a nurse medicate him with a mouthful of whipped cream. Sid acts happy, or puzzled, or constipated, or something. - Daffney catches the wedding bouquet. Then David Flair and Crowbar attack the Mamalukes. - HARLEM HEAT 2000 vs. THE MAMALUKES vs. DAVID FLAIR/CROWBAR (w/ Daffney) Disco Inferno sits in for color commentary. J. Biggs is with Heat. A little crowbar action by Flair leads to the Mamalukes getting the pin. Harlem Heat then leave the mob guys laying. Flair and Crowbar work them over too for good measure. Vito & Johnny are stretchered out. The post-match beating lasted almost as long as the match itself, if that tells you anything. The stereotypical Brooklyn women backstage react in horror. "Mean" Gene interviews Kanyon. - Big Vito refuses to be taken to the hospital, and regroups with Johnny and Disco Inferno. - BAM BAM BIGELOW vs. THE WALL Bigelow hits Wall with stuff. Wall hits Bigelow with stuff. Bigelow puts Wall through a table. That's about it. Brian Knobbs then lays out Bigelow, because God knows we fans would have been cheated without a look at Brian Knobbs this week. The Wall then chokeslams Bigelow. ZERO crowd reaction. The Mamalukes challenge Flair & Crowbar to an "Italian Stretcher match" at the PPV. The Italian extras are still, comically, acting "distraught." - Nitro Girls. - Schiavone counts recent radio show appearances by Hulk Hogan as a "media blitz" hyping this match. Well, they DID mention WCW, among other things ... - Clip of Ric Flair using a Rolex watch to knock out Dustin Rhodes in an impromptu match last Wednesday. It takes a licking ... - KANYON vs. DUSTIN RHODES Near-squash for Dustin. Huh? Flair is warming up. "Mean" Gene interviews Hulk Hogan ("well you know 'Mean' Gene ... whatcha going to do when Hulkamania runs wild on you!") Jimmy Hart, whose arm was broken by Luger last week, is at Hogan's side. The Demon ... IS NEXT!!! HOUR THREE: - Plug for Diamond Dallas Page's book. - "Mean" Gene interviews Booker. - DEMON vs. BOOKER Booker was supposed to face Scott Hall tonight. More on that below. Squash. Demon's record must be something like 1-7. Flair and Hogan are on the move. This is just like Japanese wrestling! - RIC FLAIR vs. HULK HOGAN They ring the bell and Michael Buffer does the intro's. These last a good five minutes. Mark Madden is totally "borrowing" Bobby Heenan's heel persona tonight. You know he's just dying to say "be fair to Flair." Hogan no-sells Flair's chops. The crowd is solidly behind Hogan, which isn't too surprising in New York. Three minutes in and this is already the longest (and, surprisingly, the best) match of the show. Flair starts selling a back injury, aborting a suplex attempt. Flair pulls out a foreign object and decks Hogan. Jimmy Hart comes running out. Flair decks him too. Hogan starts to Hulk up. Big boot. Legdrop. 1 ... 2--Luger comes in. DQ. Props to the elderly: it was a good match until the finish. Luger and Flair try a double clothesline, but Hogan "ducks" (assisted by Luger and Flair raising their arms a foot). Clothesline by Hogan. He chases Liz off, then poses for the crowd. Luger runs back in and clobbers Hogan with the bat. He then "breaks" Hogans hand with a steel chair. "Mean" Gene gets a word from Sid. - Ernest "The Cat" Miller comes out. He says James Brown is backstage. A Brown song starts playing and Miller dances, which is admittedly funny to look at. He's then interrupted by ... THE MAESTRO?! The Maestro says some stuff (I don't think English is his first language). Miller says he's going to shove the Maestro's piano up his ass, then chases him off. The show should be over now, yet they keep it on the air to show THIS?! Talk about embarrassingly bad. They show a bunch of people backstage. I've stopped keeping track of who. - SID VICIOUS vs. JEFF JARRETT More Buffer introductions to stretch out the show even longer. As the match begins they fight on the floor (no DQ). Madden's hype of Sid is WAY out of proportion with what Sid is actually doing. Two minutes in and they go to the sleeper hold. The crowd passes out. Powerbomb attempt leads to a ref bump. Jarrett's unable to get the pin because of the shot the ref took. Jarrett clobbers the ref. Sid slaps on the Crippler Crossface. Jarrett taps out. Out come the Harris Twins. Guitar shot by Jarrett. The crowd has been totally killed. Jarrett gets the pin. - This Wednesday: Nothing announced. - Next week: Nothing announced. Comments: The show ran 2 hours and 49 minutes. This show was like every show Vince Russo did before they canned his ass. "Crash TV" run amok. Any rating over a 3.0 will be undeserved. And if it does well, then it's a minor vindication of Russo, because this was everything he was trying to do. Scott Hall missed the show because he was "in no condition" to be allowed on the plane by back to the U.S. by German authorities. Let your imagination run wild. The Harris Twins beat the Mamalukes for the tag Team Titles in Germany over the weekend. The Mamalukes won them back the next night. Unless I missed it, they never even mentioned it on the show. No James Brown, Goldberg, Bret Hart, Sting, Sabu, or Chris Candido & Tammy Sytch. All at one time or another were rumored (or actually hyped by WCW) as being at this show. I'm sure we'll hear in the coming days how they were all backstage, but WCW "decided not to use them." Awful show. Hogan/Flair was okay, but everything else was garbage. So much for wooing back any fans lost to the WWF. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WWF RAW is WAR: Live/Taped: Live. Length: Two Hours+. Location: San Jose, California. Hosted By: Jim Ross & Jerry "The King" Lawler. WWF RAW: - Man ... that show that just got over ... I never saw so many bitches before in my life. - The Radicals walk to the ring, oozing attitude and machismo. DeGeneration X comes out. Stephanie's got her headlamps on! Tori's wearing a neckbrace from that vicious piledriver Kane gave her last week on SmackDown! Steph orders the fans to watch said piledriver on the Titan-Tron. If the fans want pain, that's what they'll get tonight. Triple H announces a series of matches: Grandmaster Sexay vs. Road Dogg; Scotty Too Hotty vs. Mr. Ass; Rikishi Phatu vs. Dean Malenko & Perry Saturn; The Rock vs. Chris Benoit; And Kane gets a No Hold Barred Match against X-Pac at the No Way Out PPV, but only if Kane can beat Triple H and his mystery partner tonight. All the individuals listed above come out and rush the ring. The heels, after a scuffle, are sent scurrying up the ramp. - JEFF HARDY vs. EDGE vs. D-VON DUDLEY All three respective tag team partners are at ringside, and interfere on occasion. D-Von winds up with the pin on Jeff, meaning the Dudleyz face the New Age Outlaws for the Tag Titles at No Way Out. I thought they were wrestling the Hardyz? Wouldn't surprise me to see the Hardyz win the Tag Titles before the PPV. Mark Henry and Mae Young check into a hotel. The receptionist is aghast when Mark asks for the honeymoon suite. - ROAD DOGG vs. GRANDMASTER SEXAY Sexay works up to the guillotine legdrop off the top, but he takes so long to do it that Road Dogg moves. A Pumphandle Slam puts Sexay away. Mark carries Mae over the threshold into their room. He then comes back out for their luggage and, yes, puts the "Do Not Disturb" sign on the doorhandle. This is funny, sort of, but I could have done without it tonight. A look at the Godfather, D-Lo Brown and the Ho's. - ... and here they come, doing their usual. Cut to backstage, where Al Snow is trying to hypnotize Steve Blackman into believing he has a personality. Blackman's deadpan responses are classic. THE GODFATHER/D-LO BROWN (w/ Ho's) vs. HEAD CHEESE Snow gets distracted by the Ho's, leading to D-Lo pinning Blackman, ending their brief unbeaten streak. Mark recites some poetry for Mae. Mae then says she's going to slip into something more comfortable. GOOD GOD NO! DON'T DO IT MAE!! There's the Rock. - Kurt Angle, new European Champion as of last Thursday (by way of victory over Val Venis), comes out to deliver the Three I's. He says America has gone downhill because of its Intercontinental Champion, Chris Jericho. He challenges him to a match at the PPV. He then badmouths Chyna for making a disgrace of herself on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno." They play a few second clip on the Titan-Tron. Out comes Jericho to rebut, and a scuffle breaks out. referees split the two apart. Chyna then comes out and DDT's Angle on the floor. Mark is waiting in bed. Isn't he concerned about the cameraman there. Mae comes out of the bathroom in a negligee that, thankfully, leaves a lot to the imagination. She climbs under the sheets with Mark and starts moaning. Back in the arena the King nearly loses his lunch. Not the best first hour for the WWF tonight either. WWF WAR ZONE: - THE ROCK vs. CHRIS BENOIT (w/ Eddie Guerrero) Benoit dominates early in the match. Eddie slips in cheapshots when he can. He gets the Crippler Crossface on, but the Rock just barely manages to get to the ropes. DDT by the Rock. Cover, but Benoit kicks out. He also kicks out of a pin following the Samoan Drop. The Rock clotheslines Benoit to the floor. Eddie then distracts the ref, just as the Big Show comes out. He tosses the Rock back in the ring, where Benoit is waiting. A belly-to-back suplex later and Benoit gets the 1 ... 2 ... 3! BENOIT PINS THE ROCK! The Rock goes after the Big Show, but he Benoit and Guerrero send him back into the ring, where Benoit adds insult to injury by hitting the headbutt off the top. Very good match. Benoit and the Rock should be headlining a PPV by this summer. - Big Show talks smack about the Rock. - Mark and Mae have finished their business. Mark gives her a box of chocolates. She, in return, has bought for him a pair of edible panties. She slips them on, then slips back under the covers. Mark puts out the lights, then in the darkness we hear "mmm ... tutti fruity!" GACK! - MR. ASS (w/ Road Dogg) vs. SCOTTY TOO HOTTY Scotty eventually hits the Worm, then somehow scores the pin. Big crowd pop. Backstage, Kevin Kelly says he'll interview the Rock. - Ah, Gunn knocked himself silly when he tried a splash in the corner. Scotty fell on top and got the pin. - Hardcore Holly comes out for color commentary for the next match. ESSA RIOS (w/ Lita) vs. CRASH HOLLY Rios is the former Papi Chulo, who beat Gillberg on Sunday Night Heat to win the WWF Light Heavyweight Title. Nice match. With Holly standing on the floor, Rios does a running leap from the apron to Holly's shoulders, into a huracanrana. Lita then does the same off the ring steps. Back in and Rios hits a SWEET floating moonsault, scoring the pin. Lita follows with one of her own. Rios makes a pin count for her. Hardcore has a good laugh at Crash's failure. Kevin Kelly again teases a Rock interview. - The Hollys are still in the ring. Hardcore tells Crash he'll never have any luck with women. HARDCORE HOLLY vs. TAZZ Tazz pretty much has this one won when Crash comes in, drawing the DQ. Taz dumps Crash on his head. Lawler and Ross kind of get into it during this one, when Lawler makes a crack about something Ross said. Ross replies he's talking about Tazz's gimmick, like Lawler being a King when he really isn't. Lawler fires back, pointing out JR's black cowboy hat and BBQ sauce. Ross says his BBQ sauce is real. The King then defuses the situation by adding the BBQ sauce to Mae's edible panties. A weird exchange. The Rock blows by Kevin Kelly. - RIKISHI PHATU vs. PERRY SATURN/DEAN MALENKO Early on Saturn & Malenko try a double Atomic Drop, but it doesn't work because Rikishi's ass is too powerful. (You know, Rikishi's ass is actually more over than most guys in WCW right now.) Perry & Dean are doing a lot of their selling in an exaggerated fashion, almost making this a comedy match. Rikishi sets up the double ass drop (with just a bit too much assistance by the supposedly groggy Saturn & Malenko). Eddie Guerrero runs in and whacks Rikishi in the leg with a pipe, drawing a DQ. The three-on-one beating is broken up by Too Cool. There's Triple H and Stephanie. - KANE (w/ Paul Bearer) vs. TRIPLE H/BIG SHOW (w/ X-Pac & Stephanie) Kane holds his own for a while, but you know he's screwed in this one. So out comes the Rock to lend a hand when the ref isn't looking. No dice. Triple H, Big Show and X-Pac engage in a three-on-two beating. There's no DQ, so this is all legal. IT'S CACTUS JACK! Everyone pairs off. Big Show sets up a powerbomb or piledriver, but the Rock nails him in the back with a chair. Kane delivers a chokeslam, then covers for the pin. There's a bit more action after this, but the crowd has already gotten what they want: Kane versus X-Pac at No Way Out. - This Thursday: Nothing announced. - Next week: Nothing announced. Comments: Not a spectacular show, though not a bad one either. Definitely not as good as the last two weeks. That's probably no surprise given the timeslot. The second hour was much better than the first. I expect a massive viewership drop after that Rock match got done. We'll see a lot of clips on SmackDown! for the benefit of those who wouldn't (or couldn't) stay up for the whole show. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Bottom Line: SuperBrawl X is this Sunday. Here's the card: * Sid Vicious vs. Jeff Jarrett vs. Scott Hall. World Title Match. * Ric Flair vs. Terry Funk. "Death Match." * Hulk Hogan vs. Lex Luger. * The Mamalukes vs. David Flair & Crowbar. "Italian Stretcher Match." * Tank Abbott vs. Big Al. "Skins Match." * Norman Smiley vs. 3 Count. * Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Brian Knobbs. Hardcore Title Match. * Cruiserweight Title Tournament Final. I'm sure there's more than that, but that's all I can think of off the top of my head. That should be enough to let you decide whether you want to see it or not. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Slobberknocker Central" and "Monday Night Recap" are copyright 2000 by John Petrie, and all opinions expressed therein are his own, and not those of "USLink". Check the "Slobberknocker Central" main page for info on how to receive the "Recap" free via E-Mail every week. Volume One, Number 222 of the "Monday Night Recap", February 14th, 2000.